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Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 25 (and a Plea For Help)

Just a few noteworthy political meteorites and comments thereon that have been careening around the galaxy this past week.

BREAKING NEWS: It was announced on Friday that Republican, John Shadegg of Arizona will retire from the U.S. House of Representatives. Shadegg is the latest in a string of representatives and senators to announce that they plan to vacate their seats. It is yet to be seen whether the media will characterize Shadegg’s retirement as a severe blow to Republican election efforts in 2010. That is precisely what they said about Democrats earlier in the month however, when two Democratic senators announced their retirement. It would appear that Republicans are in the most trouble because fifteen of their House members are retiring (compared to eleven Democrats) along with six of their senators (compared to two Democrats). Final score: Republican vacancies = 21, Democratic party vacancies = 13.

THIS JUST IN: The lunatic accused of plotting to kill then Senator Barack Obama (along with several other Black Americans) in September 2008, has pleaded guilty and faces a ten year prison sentence. Paul Schlesselman of Arkansas entered a guilty plea agreement with federal prosecutors on Thursday. This serves as a reminder that racism is still alive and well in this country.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of  “And If You Believe That One, I’ve Got Some Florida Swampland I’d Like To Sell” features a Republican candidate for Governor of Ohio who has announced that he is a Tea-Bagger. In fact, John Kaisch claims to have been the very first Tea-Bagger. Last week he said,

I’ve been all over the state, including with our friends in the Tea Party movement. I think I was in the Tea Party before there was a Tea Party.

Yikes! He is willing to admit to that? Upon closer inspection however, it appears that Kaisch is simply pulling the wool over the eyes of the ever-ignorant Tea-Baggers. Indeed, he is a former Lehman Brothers investment banker and the investment bankers are a target of the Tea-Baggers because of the bank bailouts. Looks like we have a real match made in Heaven.

THIS JUST IN: Republican Newt “The Beaute” Gingrich has announced that he might seek the presidency in 2012. He said, “I think I’m probably on a list of seven or eight possible candidates at this stage”. CNN reports,

Gingrich’s comments come days after organizers of The Southern Republican Leadership Conference – a high-profile gathering of party activists considered to be an initial venue for potential GOP presidential candidates – announced the former House Speaker will be among the list of Republican speakers. Palin and Pawlenty are also expected to attend the event.

Gingrich also recently filed government paperwork to form a political action committee, named American Solutions PAC, according to Federal Election Commission records. The forming of a political action committee will allow Gingrich to raise cash and donate the money to federal and state candidates across the country. It could also be a sign that Gingrich is serious about running for the White House in 2012.

The last time we heard from the disgraced former House Speaker was when he announced last December that he would launch a Spanish language conservative web magazine to bring Latinos within the conservative Republican fold. So far, that stunt has not been successful for obvious reasons. Gingrich is a wife-cheating, anti-immigration racist. Let’s hope his presidential bid is just as unsuccessful.

BREAKING NEWS: This past week’s blockbuster television moment did not appear on the season premiere of the Republican pornshow known as Jack Bauer’s 24.  It happened on the Glenn Beck Show and should have been titled, Couric: The Sequel. It was riveting television when guest Sarah Palin was asked by Glenn Beck who her favorite founding father was and Palin drew a blank just as she had when Couric asked her what newspapers she read. It was just as obvious on Beck’s show as it was with Couric, that Palin simply had no idea what to answer. She could not name a newspaper or magazine for Couric and she could not name a founding father for Beck. After much stammering, she finally came up with George Washington (probably only because Beck had mentioned him 1 minute earlier) although he had little to no effect on the formation of our nation’s principles or system of government. here is a transcript of the embarrassing conversation:

PALIN: That is because we have a fallen world. And mankind is fallen and we can never put — I don’t believe that we were created to be able to put our faith wholly, solely except for our spouse in another person. Certainly not in a politician. I don’t believe that except, you know, looking back on our founding fathers and seeing the sincerity there and the genuine love that they had of the country, I don’t think in recent days we can find too many of those politicians.

BECK: That’s why we got to stop looking and start taking from the barrel and start picking from the tree. Who is your favorite founder?

PALIN: You know, well, all of them (editor’s note: Gee, sound familiar?) because they came collectively together with so much diverse .

BECK: Bull crap. Who is your favorite?

PALIN: So much diverse opinion and so much diversity in terms of belief, but collectively they came together to form this union.


PALIN: No, and they were led by, of course, George Washington, so he’s got to rise to the top. Washington was the consummate statesman. He serves, he returned power to the people. He didn’t want to be a king. He returned power to the people. Then he went back to Mount Vernon, he went back to his farm. He was almost reluctant to serve as president, too. And that is who you need to find to serve in government, in a bureaucracy.

Those who you know will serve for the right reasons because they’re reluctant to get out there and seek a limelight and seek power. They’re doing it for people. That was George Washington.

Quite simply, Sarah Palin is an uneducated buffoon.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Right-Wing Conservatives Who Deserve To Burn In Hell” features Pat Robertson and c0-stars Rush Limbaugh. Robertson said that Haiti was struck by an earthquake that killed thousands and left millions to clinging to existence because the victims’ forefathers had made a pact with the Devil. Rush Limbaugh in turn, actually discouraged his listeners from contributing to relief for Haiti and pounded Obama for exploiting the tragedy in order to present himself as a humanitarian. Nuff said.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Absolutely, Unbelievably Stupid Blog Reader Comments” comes courtesy of The Political Carnival. In response to a post about the Haitian earthquake tragedy, a reader said this,

Anonymous said…
I pay taxes to run my government, not to “AID” other countries.

And I don’t recall when a poor country actually provided the U.S with anything when disaster struck the U.S

January 14, 2010 2:45 PM

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “The Lying Liar That Keeps On Lying” features Sarah Palin. While continuing to make the rounds as a Fox News guest host last week, she appeared on Hannity and defended her “death panels” lie to the point of stating that they still exist in health care reform legislation. here is the transcript:

Hannity: You stand by those comments because you think it still exists in the bill.

Palin: I do. It’s a commission, it’s bureaucracy, it’s bureaucrats who will ration care if the bill goes through as Obama wants it to go through. Yes — it’s modeled, in essence, after a British system that does have people to decide whether, based on your quality of life, your age, whether you’re gonna deserve health-care coverage or not — that’s what’s gonna happen in America if this health-care bill isn’t stopped, and it needs to be stopped soon, and that’s why the people of this land can’t give up in demanding that their voice be heard, demanding that the White House understand that this is a representative form of government, we do expect that the will of the people is listened to and adhered to and implemented via our representatives, who we elect.

Stupid is as stupid does.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Matches Made In Heaven” features Sarah Palin and the NASCAR crowd. Conservatives4Palin announced yesterday that plans are in the works for the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska to appear in some unspecified capacity at the Daytona 500 in February. Palin has already purchased her supply of chewing tobacco and Busch beer. Perhaps she will be baring her breasts while filming one of those Danica Patrick ads.

THIS JUST IN: The camaigning for the Massachusetts special election to fill Ted Kennedy’s senate seat is coming down to the wire. Yesterday, former President Bill Clinton came first to Boston and then to the central part of the state to stump for the Democratic Party candidate, Martha Coakley. He also recorded a robo-call for wide distribution which goes like this:

Hello, this is Bill Clinton.

I’m calling to urge you to get out and vote for Martha Coakley on Tuesday January 19.

This election is critical, not just for Massachusetts but for our entire country. The Republicans are spending millions of dollars to win Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat and they’re telling you that they’ve got a better economic plan, when all they want is to bring back President Bush’s economic policies. They’re telling you they’ve got a health care plan, when all they want is to leave the health insurance companies in control of America’s health care and bankrupt the country.

So please, get out and vote for Martha Coakley on Tuesday Jan 19. I know her, she’s a good person, she’ll be a good senator.

The caring and concerned citizens of Massachusetts thank you, Mr. Clinton. Today is a lso a big campaign day however, as President Barack Obama comes to Boston for the same purpose.

BREAKING NEWS: Martha Coakley exposed the fact that her Republican opponent for Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat fails to provide health insurance for his staff workers while the Democrat does provide those benefits. The Boston Globe reports that Coakley is saying the following in recent campaign stops:

We already knew that Scott Brown didn’t want to make health insurance more affordable for Massachusetts families and businesses. Now we learn that he won’t even make health insurance available for his own staff. If he won’t stand up for the people he employs, how could we ever trust him to stand up for us?

Tell it like it is, Martha. Tell it like it is.

THIS JUST IN: Watch Massachusetts Republican Senatorial candidate Scott Brown suggest that President Barack Obama was born out of wedlock.

Scott Brown is just another Birther-like conspiracy theorist that appears to have confused the Obamas with the Palins.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Guys That Belong In The Senate” features Massachusetts Republican Senatorial candidate Scott Brown. Yes folks, this is the guy that is running against Democrat Martha Coakley for the Ted Kennedy seat. He posed for this photo some years ago in Cosmopolitan magazine. Honestly, would he ever be taken seriously? I wonder why Sarah Palin does not characterize this photo as “porn”? Clearly, this is an example of, the emperor wears no clothes.

I can see my clothes from my house!


As many of you know, this Tuesday January 19th is the date of the special election to fill Ted Kennedy’s Massachusetts Senate Seat. There has not been a Republican elected to a Massachusetts seat since 1972, but the G.O.P. has gone “All In” on this race and it is presently a toss up. The Democratic Party candidate, Martha Coakley (currently the Massachusetts Attorney General) is clinging to a razor thin lead in the polls but the momentum has swung to the Republican. I cannot overemphasize the importance of this race. Health care reform hangs in the balance. If Martha Coakley does not capture the Senate seat, the Democrats will lose their filibuster-proof 60 votes and the health care reform bill will not survive the Senate vote after reconciliation. Let me repeat, if Martha Coakley does not capture the Senate seat, the Democrats will lose their filibuster-proof 60 votes and the health care reform bill will not survive the Senate vote after reconciliation.

Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off has never asked any of you fellow Rocketeers to make a financial donation of any kind to any cause in the past and we hope that we will never feel the need to do so again. That being said, we are begging you to make a contribution (no matter how small it may be or what state you might be from) to the Martha Coakley campaign immediately. The well funded Republican national interest groups are flooding the  Brown campaign with contributions to get out the vote. We owe it to our nation to match their efforts. Please, please, please, please make a contribution today to:

Martha Coakley

Democrat For U.S. Senate

We thank you in advance for your anticipated cooperation,


Ok, so on to today’s song parody. This is one of our favorite scathing Republican bashing tunes and explains why this blog exists. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

I Write The Songs song link:


(sung to the Barry Manilow song “I Write The Songs”)

I sling the jive whenever,
I sit down and scribble a song
I put the words and Republicans together
I love music,
And I love these songs

I write the songs that I hope you folks sing
I write the songs to dethrone G.O.P. kings
I write the songs that expose all their lies
I write the songs, I write the songs

I’m from a state that’s deep blue,
And we make a damned good lobster roll
No, there aren’t many right wing guys
There’s some but then, all of them are very old

I write the songs that attack the right wing
I write the songs that I hope linger and sting
I write the songs that prompt Glenn Beck to cry
I write the songs, I write the songs

Oh, I’ll take a hostile stance
When Limbaugh begins to rave and rant
And I’ll lead you to a poll, he can’t disprove
Palin has no heart,
So, I will tear her life apart
Hannity, Coulter too,
Also, too, O’Reilly
None of them can hide from me !!!

I write the songs about Mark Sanford’s flings
I write the songs about Larry Craig’s stings
I write the songs about Mark Foley’s guys
I write the songs, I write the songs

I write the songs about Joe Wilson’s slings
I write the songs of Vitter’s diapery things
I write the songs about all of those guys
I write the songs, I write the songs

I love music, so I write these songs

Sarah Palin: The Tea-Bag Hag

This week’s edition of “Matches Made In Heaven” features Sarah Palin and the Teabaggers. The educationally challenged former ex-quitting governor of Alaska has been selected to be the keynote speaker at the First Annual National Tea Party Convention which will be held in Nashville in February. This is too good to be true for us bloggers. As we have said before, Palin is the gift that keeps on giving, just like a case of herpes.

Would one of you loyal Rocketeers from the area please take one for the team and buy a ticket to the event? We would like nothing better than to have photos of the many misspelled and unintelligible signs, placards and t-shirts that are certain to be on display.  If we could also obtain a transcript or recording of Palin’s sure to be hilarious speech, we would be forever indebted to the brave soul that subjected himself/herself to such an assault on the senses.

The event should resemble an outtake from the film, “Night Of The Living Dead“. Imagine all the drool, head scratching and confusion as the conventioneers tackle such difficult tasks as finding the bathrooms and remembering their hotel room numbers. They will rail against socialized programs as they fight to defend their socialized Medicare benefits. They will miss work and lose wages as they fight for tax cuts for their bosses. Eventually, Palin will deliver the closing speech in which she is certain to try to explain the fiction of “death panels” and why she cannot remember Joe Biden’s name. Finally Glenn Beck will take to the stage and announce that the attendance was greater than twenty million. This is the stuff of which comedians dream.

For more on Sarah Palin’s stupidity, do not forget to watch 60 Minutes tomorrow night. John McCain campaign manager, Steve Schmidt will dissect and analyze the lying Palin’s “debacle of historic and epic proportions”. Oh boy, get out your popcorn for this one.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below so as to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Magical Mystery Tour song link:


(sung to The Beatles song “Magical Mystery Tour”)

Roll up, roll up for the tragical misery tour. Step right this way.

Roll up, roll up for the misery tour
Roll up, roll up for the misery tour
Roll up AND THAT’S AN INVITATION, roll up for the misery tour
Roll up, DON’T NEED NO EDUCATION, roll up for the misery tour
The tragical misery tour is eating your brain cells away
Eating your brain cells away

Roll up, roll up for the misery tour
Roll up, roll up for the misery tour
Roll up, WE DON’T CARE IF YOU CAN’T READ, roll up for the misery tour
Roll up, SO LONG AS YOU CAN SCREAM, roll up for the misery tour
The tragical misery tour will even pay you for the day
Even pay you for the day

(The misery trip is waiting)

Roll up, roll up for the misery tour
Roll up, roll up for the misery tour
Roll up, TO MAKE A RESERVATION, roll up for the misery tour
Roll up, FOR INSANE CONVERSATION, roll up for the misery tour
The tragical misery tour wants insurers to keep their payday
Please help them to have their way
The tragical misery tour is hoping that you die away
After you make your co-pay, make your co-pay

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea)-Christmas Edition-1

The Twelve Days of Christmas Song Parodies continues…

These are a few noteworthy news stories that have been orbiting the stratosphere this week.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of, “It Makes Your Head Spin Like Linda Blair’s” features Sarah Palin. It was just announced that the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska will appear as a paid guest speaker at a fund raiser for a pair of Canadian “Socialized Medicine” hospitals. Huh? The Anchorage Daily News reports, “Sarah Palin has been booked for an April speaking engagement at a fundraiser for two Hamilton, Ontario, hospitals that, Think Progress reminds us, are part of Canada’s abortion-providing, single-payer health care system and offer the type of end-of-life counseling that Palin has attributed to death panels.”

THIS JUST IN: In other Sarah Palin related news we have a new tidbit from her once and future son-in-law Levi Johnston. Johnston’s manager, Tank Johnson called into a talk radio show on December 11th and said that his client plans to reveal startling incriminating information about Sarah Palin that will shock the nation. The details will be included in a book that Johnston plans to release in March 2010. Hey Sarah, beware the Ides of March. Will there be a matching book-hawking cross-country bus/jet tour also? Enquiring minds want to know.

BREAKING NEWS: In this week’s edition of “The Continuing Story of Tea-Bagger Lunacy” we have the group’s December 15th demonstration plans. Rather than describe it to you, here is a portion of the official release:

So here’s the plan. On Tuesday, December 15 at 8:45 AM thousands of us will meet in Washington, DC at the fountain in Upper Senate Park. From there we will march to the Senate offices, go inside, and demonstrate our opposition to the government takeover of health care. We call this plan “Government Waiting Rooms”. The intention is to go inside the Senate offices and hallways, and play out the role of patients waiting for treatment in government controlled medical facilities. As the day goes on some of us will pretend to die from our untreated illnesses and collapse on the floor. Many of us plan to stay there until they force us to leave. A backup location for this demonstration will be announced if they block us from entering the offices.

Government controlled medical facilities? Dying while waiting for treatment? Do these sophomoric morons realize that the more they exaggerate their false claims about health care reform, they more the rest of the nation ignores them?

THIS JUST IN: Jon Stewart of Comedy Central’s The Daily Show exposed a Glenn Beck conflict of interest this week. Stewart pointed out that Beck constantly advises his television and radio audience to buy gold as a safeguard against the collapse of the U.S. Dollar which will result from the Obama Administration’s policies. Indeed, Beck has said the following:

When the system eventually collapses, and the government comes with guns and confiscates, you know, everything in your home and all your possessions, and then you fight off the raving mad cannibalistic crowds that Ted Turner talked about, don’t come crying to me. I told you: get gold.

The sheer lunacy of that statement aside, Stewart revealed however, that Beck failed to disclose to his audience that he is a paid spokesman for Goldline International, a precious metals vendor. Why is it that Comedy Central does a better job of investigative journalism than the major networks? ABC, NBC, CBS and NPR should be ashamed of themselves.

BREAKING NEWS: Kudos to the television drama series Law and Order; Special Victims Unit for their honest no holds barred description of conservative right-wing pundits. in a recent episode, a character on the show said this:

Garrison, Limbaugh, Beck, O’Reilly, all of them. They are like a cancer spreading ignorance and hate. They have convinced folks that immigrants are the problem, not corporations that failed to pay a living wage, or a broken health care system.

THIS JUST IN: The Moonie-owned Washington Times has announced that it is cutting its work force by 40% and beginning free distribution of its product. The right-wing propaganda paper is so bereft of reliable news coverage that its circulation will most likely fall even further now that the paper is free. This is so because when its  few remaining paid subscribers realize that they no longer need to feel obligated to read the rag, they probably will forget that it ever existed.

BREAKING NEWS: In this week’s episode of “What The Heck Took So Long?” Jenny Sanford, the wife of South Carolina’s adulterous governor Mark Sanford, has announced that she is filing for divorce. She has been unable to successfully locate and serve divorce papers upon her husband however, because his staff believes that he is hiking somewhere on the Appalachian trail.

THIS JUST IN: In this week’s episode of “How Appropriate” we have Sarah Palin accepting an invitation to be keynote speaker at the Bowling Proprietors Association of America convention in Las Vegas next summer. Hmm, where to begin? Maybe she will bring a few spare copies of her book. Perhaps some of her supporters will have the chance to strike up a conversation with the unemployed social networker. Will Sarah be capable of keeping her language out of the gutter? Stay tuned.

BREAKING NEWS: Joke of the day. Why did Sarah Palin have a book signing in Sandpoint? Idaho, Alaska !!!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

My Favorite Things song link:


(sung to the Julie Andrews song “My Favorite Things”)

Mike is called “Moses” and Romney’s called “Mittens”
Jindal is running but can’t raise a pittance
All of those candidates want to be kings
They are some of my least favorite things

Most of them phonies with brains made of noodles
Palin’s hairstyle reminds me of a poodle’s
The G.O.P. is filled with ding-a-lings
They are some of my least favorite things

Palin will bless us with winks of her lashes
Gingrich and Rudy just sit on their asses
Huckabee’s so holy he thinks he has wings
They are some of my least favorite things

“No civil rights”,
Pawlenty sings
He is raving mad
And when Michele Bachmann speaks aloud it stings
Yes that hurts my ears real bad

They are just posers so I say, “Good riddance”
Remind me of the inbred guy in “Deliverance”
All of them have extramarital flings
They are some of my least favorite things

They have no taste just like a bland egg noodle
They should be thrown out with the kit and caboodle
All of them acting like puppets on strings
They are some of my least favorite things

G.O.P. women have life-long hot flashes
The Grand Old Party is reduced to ashes
They cannot tolerate arrows or slings
They are some of my least favorite things

They’re not bright lights
Mental weaklings
Poor behaving cads
I wish they’d all congregate down in Palm Springs
And then I would be so glad.