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The Gingrich That Stole Christmas

The Twelve Days of Christmas Song Parodies continues…

Just when you thought to yourselves, “where has Newt Gingrich been?”, the rascally critter has pulled his head out of the sand and exhaled. Boy, is he blowing some hot air this time. It was announced this week that the disgraced former Republican Speaker of the House will launch a…wait…wait…wait…Spanish language conservative web magazine. Yes, you read that correctly. The magazine will be titled, The Americano and will seek to preach conservatism to Spanish speaking conservatives, if there are any out there. Washingtonindependent.com informs us that the magazine will be edited by Sylvia Garcia, who moonlights as “Hispanic Outreach Director for Speaker Newt Gingrich.” It seems that even Gingrich now realizes that he has some apologizing to do with the Latino community for calling Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor a “racist” prior to her confirmation.

Gingrich has little to no hope of enticing any Spanish speaking Americans to vote for him in the event that he once again seeks elective office. Not only did he insult their legal champion, but he is also a member of the Republican Party which is certain to lose even more Latino support in light of its members’ animosity towards non-English speaking immigrants. Gingrich has other problems as well. He is no longer perceived as the voice of the conservative G.O.P. That honor falls to all three of the conservative movement’s most famous college drop-outs, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Glenn Beck. It would appear that Gingrich’s influence in the party even falls below that of serial college transferee, Sarah Palin. The evidence of that was seen in the election for New York’s 23rd Congressional district seat last month. Gingrich endorsed the relatively moderate Republican candidate while Palin supported the uber-right-wing candidate from the Conservative Party. The polls then shifted so far in favor of Palin’s candidate that the Republican candidate withdrew from the race. Of course Democrats can celebrate this ever growing Republican Party split because the Democratic Party candidate won the election and captured a Congressional seat held by the Republicans since the Civil War.

Take it from us Newt, you’re a has-been Mr. Gingrinch.

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s parody.

The Grinch That Stole Christmas song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPBS7dVrE1U

YOU’RE A HAS-BEEN, NEWT GINGRICH

(sung to the Dr. Seuss song “The Grinch That Stole Christmas”)

You’re a has-been, Newt Gingrich
You’re lacking in appeal
Your were ousted as The Speaker
No one wants to hear you squeal
Newt Gingrich

You’re a unicycle
Without even one wheel

You’ve had three wives, Newt Gingrich
A mistress in the hole
Philandering’s your day job
You’re a slimy ugly troll
Newt Gingich

These woman that like you, must
Be on work-release or parole

You’re a vile one, Newt Gingrich
Your words reek with rancid bile
Your criticizing ol’ Bill Clinton
As you’re cheating all the while
Newt Gingrich

There couldn’t be a bigger hypocrite
Within a Midwest country mile

You’re a foul one, Newt Gingrich
Your first divorce smelled of skunk
Your wife, Jackie fighting cancer
You told her she was junk
Newt Gingrich

The nicest words to describe you,
Are, as follows, and I quote, Pink. Wank, Punk

You’re a coward, Newt Gingrich
Avoided your army spot
Deferment-seeking chicken-hawk
That likes to talk real tough
Newt Gingrich

Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing
With the most disgraceful assortment of Republican
Sound-bytes imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots

You’re the racist, Newt Gingrich
It’s not Judge Sotomayor
You play the race card as a white guy
That’s so laughable I’m sure
Newt Gingrich

You’re a stinking pile of vomit
Sitting in the sun
With feces on top

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Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 7

coffee_or_tea_1

BREAKING NEWS: This week Justice Sonia Sotomayor was sworn in as a justice of the United States Supreme Court. She is the first Latina ever appointed to the high court. Thirty-one (out of 40) Republican Senators voted against her confirmation. Inasmuch as the Latino population is the fastest growing in the U.S., this should do wonders for Republican efforts to capture some of that vote and re-enter the world of relevant political parties.

THIS JUST IN: The stock market has risen 45% since the election of President Barack Obama. For comparison, under George W. Bush, the market lost 6000 points or 43% of its value.

BREAKING NEWS: The Federal Government’s “Cash For Clunkers Program” was such a rousing success that the program has now been doubled in size of funding and the eligibility period has been extended. Rush Limbaugh, while living in some sort of an alternative universe, has declared the program a failure.

THIS JUST IN: In other Rush Limbaugh news, the Boston Globe reveals that the radio comedian  has compared democrats to Nazi’s on his program (listen here) and put a Nazi symbol next to the Obama logo on his website (view it here). Is this drug addicted clown sick?

BREAKING NEWS: Just wondering, would you be more willing to let David Letterman or Dick Morris babysit your children? Seems obvious, huh?

THIS JUST IN: While visiting New York City (again!!!) this week, quitter Sarah Palin was seen entering the offices of Fox News. If her visit was in anticipation of a television spot for the ex governor, would Palin be required to stop criticizing the media inasmuch as she would then be a part of it?

BREAKING NEWS: Sarah Palin posted a Facebook message yesterday to her loyal followers in which she alleged that the Democratic Health Care Reform Bill will provide for “death panels.” This woman is koo-koo for Cocoa Puffs.

THIS JUST IN: Ben Stein has been fired by the New York Times as the result of ethics violations. The biggest ethics violation of all was hiring him in the first place.

BREAKING NEWS: As the result of Glenn Beck’s recent television tirade in which he called President Obama a racist, three advertisers, Lawyers.com, Procter & Gamble and Progressive Insurance have pulled advertising from his show. This is a good start. Who will be next?

Please feel free to discuss these topics amongst yourselves in the comment section.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to have more fun singing along to this Sarah Palin inspired song parody.

Lovely Rita Meter Maid song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l87Vvb7JcDU

LOVELY SARAH

(sung to The Beatles song “Lovely Rita”)

Aaaahhh…

Lovely Sarah Twitter babe
Lovely Sarah Twitter babe

Lovely Sarah Twitter babe
Nothing can come between us
When it gets dark you tweet my heart away
I was riding on my Harley
When I saw Caribou Barbie
Texting out a message on her little cell phone
Standin’ there winkin’ and blinkin’
She’s not one for real deep thinkin’

Couldn’t even conversate with Chuckie Gibson

Lovely Sarah Twitter babe
May I inquire discreetly (Lovely Sarah)
When are you free to send a tweet to me? (Lovely Sarah, babe, Aaaahhh)

Sarah!

Took her out and tried to feed her
She called me her little Tweeter
Told her that she acted like a teenager kid
She told me she loves to tweet it
I told her, “I think I’ll beat it”
So she said she’d settle for good old Uncle Ted

Oh, lovely Sarah Twitter babe
Where would Todd be without you
Is Russia still within your line of view
(Lovely Sarah Twitter babe)
(Lovely Sarah Twitter babe)
(Lovely Sarah Twitter babe)
(Lovely Sarah Twitter babe)

Boston Radio’s Jay Severin(o) – “Snide and Prejudice”

Radio host Jay Severin(o) standing in his yard.

Radio host Jay Severin(o) standing in his yard.

After having been banned from the airwaves for a month following his racist on-air remarks, Boston radio host James Severino (a/k/a Jay Severin) is back to his old tricks. This dishonest and cowardly reich-wing pundit plies his trade on the Boston, MA based conservative radio station affectionately referred to by many listeners as, WKKK.

Yesterday, Severin, (who changed his name from James Severino a number of years back, presumably to avoid any ethnic stereotyping) devoted his afternoon show to discussion of this week’s U.S. Supreme Court Decision in the case of  Ricci v. DeStefano which involved a reverse discrimination claim. In that case, a number of white (and one Hispanic) Connecticut firefighters challenged a city decision to ignore promotional testing results because minority firefighters failed to score high enough to gain promotion. The city contended that Title VII’s prohibition against hiring practices which have a disproportionately negative impact on members of a certain racial group might trigger a lawsuit by minorities against the city if promotions were granted only to members not from that racial group.

At trial, the U.S. District Court found in favor of the city. On appeal to the U.S. Appeals Court (on which Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor sat), the lower court decision was upheld. On final appeal to the U.S. Supreme Court however, the lower court decisions were reversed by a narrow 5 -4 decision.

Severino chose to characterize the decision as an outright denunciation of Sotomayor. Of course, his arguments as usual , were replete with inaccuracies, lies and subjectivity. For example, nearly every sentence that he uttered contained the untruth that over 80% of Sotomayor’s Appeals Court decisions were overturned on appeal to the U.S. Supreme Court. He seems to have come up with that figure by simply parroting a disproved statement made by comedian Rush Limbaugh. The actual percentage of overturned decisions is 66.66%.  Six decisions in which she joined the majority of the Appeals Court were heard by the U.S. Supreme Court and of those, four were overturned.

Severino failed to explain however that the Supreme Court chooses to hear argument on only approximately 1% of the cases appealed to it. There is no absolute right to have appeals heard by that court. Additionally, the court itself chooses to hear appeals of those cases wherein there is a disagreement amongst Supreme Court justices. Once a case is selected to be heard, approximately 75% of those cases are overturned.

Severino’s on-air argument was that Sotomayor is unqualified to serve as a Supreme Court justice because 80% of her Appeals Court decisions which were selected to be heard by the Supreme Court, were overturned. His succinct argument was that anyone that performs his/her job incorrectly 80% of the time does not deserve to hold that job, let alone be promoted.

Problem is, as noted above, the Supreme Court overturns 75% of the decisions before it and Sotomayor had only 60% overturned. Consequently, her decisions are overturned on average less than all cases heard by said court. Additionally, and far more astonishingly however, Severino did not call into question Justice Samuel Alito’s qualifications to serve on the court. You see, a full 100% of Alito’s Appeals Court decisions were overturned by the Supreme Court. Alito, however is a sacred cow to those like Severino because of his conservative leaning decisions.

When confronted on-air with those facts by a caller to the show, Severino took his customary cowardly approach. Rather than try to defend his position with actual facts, he hung up on the caller and carried on with his factually incorrect diatribe to his biased audience’s delight. Severino refers to his audience as, “The Best and the Brightest.” In reality, they are more like, “The Deaf and the Sightless.”

Please click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

Nowhere Man song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvLj72apGLI

RADIO MAN

(sung to the The Beatles song “Nowhere Man”)

Jay’s a real radio man
Member of the Ku Klux Klan
Preaching to his nowhere fans
For nobody

Has a racist point of view
Changed his name to Severin too
Hasn’t got a friggin’ clue, does he?

Radio man please listen
We laugh so hard we’re pissin’
Radio man, open your mouth and get canned

(lead guitar)

He’s blind like the G.O.P.
Just sees what a racist sees
Radio man you can’t see me at all?

Radio man we’re sorry
We don’t buy your story
We can’t wait till somebody else
Relieves your command

Has a racist point of view
Changed his name to Severin too
Hasn’t got a friggin’ clue, does he?

Radio man just face it
You’ve little time, don’t waste it
Radio man, we cannot wait till your banned

Jay’s a real radio man
Member of the Ku Klux Klan
Preaching to his nowhere fans
For nobody
Preaching to his nowhere fans
For nobody
Preaching to his nowhere fans
For nobody