Blog Archives

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 58

Just a few newsworthy events (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Not All Of My Children” features Sarah Palin. The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska has just released a new ad which looks strikingly like a Presidential candidate’s ad. In it, she makes reference to all her wonderful “Mama Grizzlies”. Problem is, she apparently has disinherited some of her unsuccessful cubs. Christine O’Donnell, Carly Fiorina, Meg Whitman, Sharron Angle and Linda McMahon are all conspicuously absent. Let’s watch…

THIS JUST IN: Congressman Barney Frank (D-MA) gave the most spot-on victory speech last Tuesday evening. After trouncing the Sarah Palin endorsed Teapublican Sean Bielat, he said this…

Go get’em Barney!

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Despicable Me” stars Sarah Palin. The Queen of Quit included the following “tweet” as one of her favorites on her Twitter account: “The Blood of Jesus ATLAH World Missionary Church” in New York. The sign read: “The blood of Jesus against Obama history made 4 Nov 2008 a Taliban Muslim illegally elected president USA:Hussein.” The next time someone tells you that members of the Tea Party are not racist, vile, violent and deranged, show them Palin’s favorite “tweet”.

THIS JUST IN: It was nice to see the Democrats pick-up a few election victories after Tuesday. Patty Murray won a Washington Senate seat by defeating Sarah Palin endorsed Teapublican Dino Rossi; Pat Quinn won the Illinois Governor’s race by defeating far-right Republican Bill Brady; John Kitzhaber won the Oregon Governor’s race by defeating Republican Chris Dudley; Michael Bennet won a Colorado Senate seat by defeating Sarah Palin endorsed Teapublican Ken Buck and John Hickenlooper won the Colorado Governor’s race by defeating Sarah Palin endorsed Tea-Bagger Tom Tancredo. Dan Malloy won the Connecticut Governor’s race by defeating republican Tom Foley. Most surprising of all however, was that Jenny Oropeza won a California state senate seat by defeating Republican John Stammreich. This is startling because Ms. Oropeza passed away two weeks before the election.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Never Trust An Unnamed Source Unless It Furthers My Agenda” features Minnesota’s Teapublican Congresswoman Michele Bachmann. The moon-bat crazy Bachmann was punked into believing an anonymous source quoted by an Indian newspaper that claimed that President Obama’s 10 day trip to India will cost in excess of $ 2 billion: $200 million a day, 34 diverted Navy ships, a 2,000-person presidential entourage, and 870 hotel rooms in India. To put things in perspective, the alleged daily cost of the trip would exceed the daily cost of the Afghan war. When pressed by CNN‘s Anderson Cooper to back up her numbers, Bachmann responded, “These are the numbers that are coming out in the press.” Of course she forgot to mention that the “press’ which she relied upon consisted of an unnamed Indian and the Drudge Report. The story has been denied by the Obama administration as “wildly inflated”. Michelle Bachmann is a crazy person and anyone that votes for her should be institutionalized.

THIS JUST IN: The next time some Tea Partier tells you that, as a result of the Republican capture of the House of Representatives in the last election, the Health Care Reform Law will now be repealed, tell them this. Tommy Thompson, the health and human services secretary under President George W. Bush says,

“When it’s all said and done, you’re not going to be able to repeal health care because President Obama is not going to sign it. And they don’t have enough votes to override a veto, so why push a cart uphill when you know it’s not going to be able to get to the top?”

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Ouch! That’s Gonna Leave A Mark” co-stars former President George W. Bush and former ex-quitting half-term governor of Alaska Sarah Palin. The concensus fifth worst President in the history of our great nation has told friends that Palin is not qualified to be President. “Naming Palin makes Bush think less of McCain as a man,” a Republican official familiar with Bush’s thinking told the Daily News. “He thinks McCain ran a lousy campaign with an unqualified running mate and destroyed any chance of winning by picking Palin.” Heckuva job, McCain.
THIS JUST IN: David Letterman: “[Sarah Palin] says she wants limited government. … Does she mean fewer elected officials? Or few elected officials who will resign in the middle of their term? I think limited government will be perfect for her limited abilities.”
Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

The Ballad Of Davey Crockett song link:  http://www.televisiontunes.com/Davey_Crocket.html

THE BALLAD OF SARAH PALIN

(sung to the television theme song “Ballad Of Davey Crockett”)

Lives in a compound up in Wassilly,
Behind a big fence so Joe can’t see
She got a taste of being “Mavericky”,
So she quit her job as Alaska’s G
Sarah, Sarah Palin, the lipsticked mama bear!

Tea-Baggers follow her where she goes,
Starin’ at their tv’s when she’s on Fox shows
A Palin sighting sets them all aglow,
As she shakes their hands and then takes all their dough
Sarah, Sarah Palin, spreading her hate and fear!

Through Red State woods she’s a marchin’ along,
Makin’ up yarns like her “death panel” song
Her looks are frightenin’ and she smells quite strong,
She’s really just a liar with facts all wrong
Sarah, Sarah Palin, the brain-dead buccaneer!

Letterman said that she dresses like a whore,
Then she screamed so much that her throat got sore
She had money but she needed some more,
Got herself a Greyhound for her book tour
Sarah, Sarah Palin, profiteering pioneer!

She says the Lord is her guiding hand,
And dinosaurs co-existed with man
All those books that disagree should be banned,
That sciencey stuff she don’t understand
Sarah, Sarah Palin, logic she will not hear!

She believes that Congress should go to Hell,
She will send them there by castin’ a witch spell
Palin wants Washington to listen well,
To all those fabrications that she does tell
Sarah, Sarah Palin, the moonbat of the year!

When she goes home her politickin’ done,
Alaskans all will up and run
But Sarah will pick up her trusty gun,
And shoot up all her neighbors just for fun
Sarah, Sarah Palin, her rifle sight is clear!

She moved to Houston an’ Austin so,
To the southern states she just had to go
Tea-Baggers were fightin’ another foe,
And Sarah hates the immigrant Joe
Sarah, Sarah Palin, nativist without peer!

She’s not the smartest but she is dumbest,
Despite six schools could not pass a test
When it comes to being dumb she’s the best,
She should make her home in a cuckoo’s nest
Sarah, Sarah Palin, the lipsticked mama bear!

Advertisements

Spread The Butter Cuz Sarah Palin Is Toast

 

If you're finished and you know it, clap your hands!

 

To all the Palinbots out there, it is time to face the ugly truth. Sarah Palin is no longer the flavor of the month. Her moment has passed. Her star has flamed out. Her influence has waned. She is quickly becoming an “also ran”. A loser.

Like so many flashes in the pan before her, Sarah Palin captured the attention of this nation for a short while. When she was chosen as John McCain’s running-mate in 2008, nobody had ever heard of her. That anonymity alone made her interesting. “Who is this person that may be second in line for the presidency?” the national media and the rest of us wondered.

The interest increased on a daily basis as more and more of her dirty little secrets were revealed. The “abstinence only” born again Christian has a pregnant unwed teen daughter? It took her 6 years at 5 mediocre colleges to earn a mere bachelor’s degree? She tried to have her brother-in-law fired from his job as an Alaskan State Trooper? She inquired about banning books at the local library? She had a witch doctor drive demons from her body? She chose her children’s names by throwing a dart at a dictionary page? (OK, we made that one up, but it fits in perfectly well with the rest). You have to admit, this was interesting stuff. Sarah Palin’s life resembled the perfect marriage between a Lifetime channel cable TV movie and an episode of the Beverly Hillbillies.

“Enquiring minds” wanted to know about every wacky detail of this crazy woman’s entertaining life. We were not disappointed. Soon we learned about “bridges to nowhere” and “thanks but no thanks”. Her disastrous nationally televised interviews gave us the hilarious gifts of “you can see Russia from Alaska”, “I’ll have’ta get back to ya on that”, and the now famous “all of ’em any of ’em”. She even introduced us to some new sidekicks such as the “pitbull with lipstick”, “Joe Sixpack” and her new BFF, “Joe the Plumber”.

Despite the fact that Palin’s antics entertained us throughout the presidential campaign, the fact is that a vast majority of Americans did not take her seriously. Her ticket lost in an epic landslide and it would have been best for America if she disappeared ala Dan Quayle. But such was not the case. We may have been done with Palin, but she was not done with us. In short, she refused to go away.

She found a willing loudspeaker for her hate-fueled radically conservative rhetoric at the insane asylum known as Fox News. The network’s uneducated, brainwashed audience rabidly ingested every unintelligible sentence that Palin vomited. Sarah Palin became the pied piper of the misinformed masses and she relished her status. So, in July 2009 she quit her day job as Governor of Alaska (after only having served for one half of one term), hired a ghostwriter to pen her fictitious memoir and embarked on a nationwide fee-based book signing and public speaking tour. Always in demand, Palin spoke at such prestigious events as the Liquor Wholesalers Convention, the Bowling Convention and the highly coveted Battery Back-up Sump Pump Convention. The sky was the limit.

There was one little problem, however. The national Republican leadership was not so enamored with Palin. After having just been trounced in the nationwide elections, the G.O.P. was inclined to distance itself somewhat from this eccentric curiosity in its quest to rebuild a solid constituency. The party leadership did not want to consider the possibility of Sarah Palin representing them on the Sunday morning television news programs. They moved on.

Enter the Tea Party. The misinformed masses that watch Fox News and listen to the likes of Rush Limbaugh, Ann “the Man” Coulter and Laura Ingraham began to gather their pitchforks and torches and coalesce around the idea that they could take over the Republican Party and reform it in their image of racism, violence, fear and anarchy. Sarah Palin encouraged this malleable group of uneducated nitwits with talk of “death panels”, “reloading” and the “lamstream media” It was all “us against them” and the Tea-Baggers not only took the poison, but they appointed Sarah Palin as their de-facto Queen.

She willingly accepted the title. Then, when Palin learned of the sophomoric means of communication known as “The Twitter” and “Facebook”, she began to issue edicts to her minions on a daily basis and in a crude form of semi-English that they could understand. She ordered them to support her hand-picked assortment of radically fringe yet ultimately unelectable candidates who she referred to as “Mama Grizzlies”. And her subjects followed orders.

The Palin led Tea-Baggers vaulted candidates to primary election victories over mainstream Republican candidates despite their radical (and sometimes insane) objectives such as repealing the 10th and 14th Amendments, privatizing Social Security, removing fluoride from the nation’s water supply, banning abortions for victims of rape and incest, forcing elders to pay $ 2,000.00 Medicare deductibles and “horror of horrors” banning masturbation. Sarah Palin climbed out onto a very thin limb by personally endorsing these very high profile eccentric candidates and by doing so, she put her own credibility on the line.

Palin’s credibility has now been destroyed. On election day the nation’s voters said “no” to Sharron “2nd Amendment remedies” Angle. The voters said “no” to Christine “Masturbation is Adultery” O’Donnell. The voters said “no” to Linda “Women are Sex Objects” McMahon. The voters said “no” to Carly “Worst CEO in History” Fiorina. The voters said “no” to Meg “Illegal Housekeeper” Whitman. The voters said “no” to John “Lasers in the Sky” Raese. The voters said “no” to Sean “Privatize Social Security” Bielat. The voters said “no” to Tom “Let’s Bomb Mecca” Tancredo. The voters said “no” to Ken “No Abortion For Rape Victims” Buck. The voters said “no” to Dino “Repeal Wall Street Reform” Rossi. And, it looks like the voters will say “no” to Joe “Dump Social Security” Miller. In short, Sarah Palin was “refudiated” in a big way.

Even someone over at ever-friendly Fox News has now turned against Sarah Palin. On Thursday Mort Kondracke said, “She’s a joke even within her own party. The idea that she would be the presidential nominee is unthinkable.”

The lesson learned is that Sarah Palin is widely popular among a small group of radically misinformed fanatics, but her ideas and endorsements carry very little weight with the voting population as a whole. To the mainstream American voter, Sarah Palin is nothing more than an entertaining and curiously magnetic oddity much like the sympathy inducing side-show freaks of days gone by. We like being entertained by her antics but we have no desire to participate in her stage show or to be subject to her leadership in any capacity. That is why most of us hope that she runs for president in 2012. We know that we will enjoy the benefit of being amused while simultaneously being comforted by the fact that she has no chance of damaging the country by being elected.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

I’m A Loser song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXHO7hScOCA

SHE’S A LOSER

(sung to the Beatles song “I’m A Loser”)

She’s a loser
She’s a loser
Palin’s just what she appears to be

Of the elections she’s won, more have lost
Tea Party honor has come at a cost
She called both Angle and Miller a friend
But her endorsement hurt them in the end

She’s a loser
And a victim of the Tea Party
She’s a loser
Now she’s hated by the G.O.P.

Sarah P. talks and she acts like a clown
She’s been rejected by nude-boy Scott Brown
The jeers are falling like rain from the sky
She can’t be saved by the wink of her eye

She’s a loser
Like the members of the Tea Party
She’s a loser
And she’s only out to make a fee

(Russia viewing break)

She loves to spread her politics of hate
When she got caught she just quit on her state
Oh yes it’s true, she is in a free fall
Palin is screwed like a fish to the wall

She’s a loser
And she lost again so recently
She’s a loser
For some proof just turn on Fox TV

Would Palin Still Endorse Sean Bielat If She Knew…

The Newton Tab Blog from Massachusetts writes, “Sarah Palin endorsed Republican Sean Bielat in his race against incumbent Congressman Barney Frank today.  When we asked Bielat how he differs from Palin, he was vague, saying that the differences are stylistic.  (He’s reluctant to take a stand on an issue unless it’s in contrast to Frank’s opinion). When asked his opinion on stem cell research, he said he “supports the current policy.”

“I wonder if Palin would still endorse him knowing that he agrees that “research involving human embryonic stem cells and human non-embryonic stem cells has the potential to lead to better understanding and treatment of many disabling diseases and conditions.” (Executive Order 13505—Removing Barriers to Responsible Scientific Research Involving Human Stem Cells)”

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Yellow Submarine song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bM5NIi8m_kQ

YELLOW SARAH P.

(Sung to the Beatles song “Yellow Submarine”)

In the state where she was born,
The A.I.P. wants to secede,
Todd, “the First Dude’s” bossy wife,
Yes, her name is Sarah P.

Once the mayor of Wasilla,
And a one-time beauty queen,
Now she shills for “Arctic Cat”
Cheering for Todd’s snow-machine.

Alaska must get rid of Sarah P.,
Rid of Sarah P., Rid of Sarah P.
Alaska must get rid of Sarah P.,
Rid of Sarah P., Rid of Sarah P.

And her friends just love their boss,
Meg Stapleton and old Wayne Ross,
Now their band begins to play…

(Trumpets play)
DaDaDaDumpDeDumpDeDump
DaDaDaDumpDeDumpDeDump

Alaska must get rid of Sarah P.,
Rid of Sarah P., Rid of Sarah P.
Alaska must get rid of Sarah P.,
Rid of Sarah P., Rid of Sarah P.

(Full speed ahead, Ms. Palin, full speed!
Russia’s over here, Mam!
Putin! Putin!
Aye, aye, Mam, fire!
Guv’nor! Guv’nor!)

Now she lives a life of ease,
But can’t recite her A-B-C’s, (her A-B-C’s)
“Hockey Mom” (hockey mom), with “lipstick on”, (lipstick on)
Savior of (savior of) the G.O.P. (G.O.P.) (Hahaha!)

Alaska must get rid of Sarah P.,
Rid of Sarah P., Rid of Sarah P.
Alaska must get rid of Sarah P.,
Rid of Sarah P., Rid of Sarah P.

(fading)

Alaska must get rid of Sarah P.,
Rid of Sarah P., Rid of Sarah P.
Alaska must get rid of Sarah P.,
Rid of Sarah P., Rid of Sarah P.