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The Fox Clock Is Ticking On Palin

Now that Sarah Palin has announced that she will not seek the Presidency, her days as a Fox News commentator are numbered. Palin was hired at the Republican Propaganda Network only because she was very popular with crazy conservatives after the 2008 election. Indeed, Roger Ailes, the head of Fox News, admitted just this week that the only reason he hired Palin was “because she was hot and got ratings”. He said nothing about Palin’s political knowledge or insight or her ability to eloquently communicate a message because she lacks those qualities. Now that she is no longer teasing her supporters with a Presidential run, Palin has lost all relevancy and is likely to soon lose her job as well.

It is no secret that Palin had a shaky relationship with her Fox co-workers. Earlier this year on “The Five”, host Greg Gutfeld said that he felt uncomfortable whenever Palin’s name would come up. He said, “The only problem with talking about Sarah Palin is that she works here, and it’s like a coworker, and if I say something bad and I see her in the hallway I feel really awkward and wrong. So I just kind of say, ‘that was a good job!'” His co-host Bob Beckel added, “It has nothing to do with that. It has everything to do with your paycheck. That’s why you feel awkward. I know exactly what you mean. I’ll be honest, I’ve pulled my punches.”

Another example of the poor relations between Palin and other Fox News hosts was Palin’s harsh words for co-workers Megyn Kelly and Juan Williams. Palin accused Kelly of misinforming viewers when Kelly reported on Palin’s low poll ratings. Palin then chastised Juan Williams for mentioning that Palin referred to GOP Presidential candidate Herman Cain as “Herb” and as the Republican “flavor of the month”. Of course the actual truth is that Palin’s poll numbers have been sinking, she did call Herman Cain “Herb” and she did say that he was the “flavor of the month”. Palin however, has never been one to allow facts to get in the way of a good grudge.

Perhaps the best example of Fox co-host strife was evident when Palin appeared on “The O’Reilly Factor” in July of 2010. Bill O’Reilly grilled Sarah Palin on how she would handle the immigration problem if she were the President. He dismissed her cursory and ineffective proposal and Palin responded with huffs and puffs and terse one word answers. It was clear that Sarah Palin was infuriated that she would be challenged while appearing on her own network.

You can just taste the animosity in the air.

Do not worry that times like these will immediately end however. Just a day after the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska announced that she will not run for President, the talent over at Fox News started poking fun at her. Thursday morning on “Fox & Friends”, Palin’s colleague Brian Kilmeade openly laughed at her near indecipherable explanation as to why she would not run. He said, “Is that what she said? It was so circuitous.” Co-host Gretchen Carlson then made fun of Palin’s announcement by comparing it to Chris Christie’s similar announcement a few days earlier. She mockingly distinguished the two announcements by pointing out that “there were tons of people publicly asking Chris Christie to run for President.” The implication of course, was that Palin no longer enjoyed the same type of support.

This open hostility between Fox news hosts cannot last too much longer. Somebody has to go…and that somebody will be Sarah Palin. In light of her announcement, Palin is no longer hot and she will no longer get the ratings. Hey Sarah, don’t let that “death panel” hit you in the wallet on your back to Wasilla!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6U219P_zs7w

THE WRECK OF THE SARAH L. PALIN (Version Two)

(sung to the Gordon Lightfoot song “The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald ”)

The legend lives on from the North Slope on down
To the town they call Sandpoint, Idaho
The Heath’s one would say, had a daughter that day
Why they kept her, I must say, “I don’t know”

They loaded up the truck and they tested their luck
When they moved to Wasilla, Alaska
Sarah enrolled in school and was nobody’s fool
On the court they called her “Barracuda”.

In 1982 she left for Honolulu
Off to Hawaii Pacific College
She did not last long there nor at anywhere
In her quest for some meaningful knowledge.

She finally did see a journalism degree
After stints at 5 or 6 safety schools
Sometime in between she was a pageant queen
Then she worked in TV for KTUU.

She met up with her fate sometime in ’88
When her TV career was a failin’
And everyone knew, as her parents did too
She would soon be the Bride of Todd Palin.

Long before she did wed, she conceived in his bed
That was the end of her abstinency
While laid out on her back, she gave birth to Lil’ Track
The result of an unwed pregnancy.

She was now in a lurch cuz of her right wing church
But she carried on without a care
She had a beehive hairdo, but had nothing to do
That all changed when she became the Mayor.

She appointed some crooks then she banned some good books
No one lasted if they weren’t on her team
Wasilla’s deficit grew, kids fired-up on homebrew
Not to mention the methamphetamine.

She became the next Guv and to show the state love
She proposed to unite remote shore banks
But once in a bind she politely declined
To the bridge she said,”Thanks but no thanks”.

John McCain now you see had to choose a VP
His campaign was certainly failin’
He wanted a she that was trés “mavericky”
So he chose Alaska’s Sarah Palin.

But poor press reviews of her live interviews
With Couric and Gibson oft replayed
Showed she could not spar with the nightly news stars
Let alone outperform Tina Fey

The election was lost and poor Sarah was tossed
From her seat on “The Straight Talk Express”
She went home and did pose in her new store-bought clothes
But  Alaskans were not now impressed

She’s no longer a saint due to ethics complaints
She has nobody left now to wink at
Her opinions ignored and her actions abhorred
“Hockey mom” once again is a rink rat

Her career was a blip, it was a sinking ship
Her supporters are jumpin’ and bailin’
Her character flaws became the final straw
For the wreck known as Sarah L. Palin

Glenn Beck: Tears of A Rodeo Clown

Yes, that is the proverbial “Fat Lady” who you can hear singing. The show is now officially over. That’s right, we are finally rid of the hate-speak and misinformation-spewing Glenn Beck. Even the Republican propaganda arm known as Fox News finally realized that steadily declining ratings and the continued loss of millions of dollars in free market advertising dictated a divorce between the network and the crazy-man. In the end, even Fox News president Roger Ailes had his limits when it comes to a lost cause.

The break-up came after months of infighting between Beck and the network. The straw that broke the camel’s back however, was the fact that virtually all of the program’s sponsors fled along with their advertising revenue and Beck’s ratings have plummeted by approximately 40%. What show could withstand that type of double-whammy?

During its run, Beck’s show focused primarily on criticizing President Barack Obama. It is interesting to note that the program debuted on Fox News the day before President Obama took office It is also ironic to note that Obama will retain his position at the very least through 2012 while Beck will be long gone from Fox. That alone shows that Beck’s program was a massive “Mission Unaccomplished”. In fact, Glenn Beck’s steady fall from grace began in 2009 when he proclaimed that President Barack Obama has a “deep-seated hatred for white people”. That remark caused such a public backlash that over 300 advertisers pulled their commercials from his program.

Soon thereafter, Beck, the self-described rodeo clown, began to describe wacky conspiracies involving socialists, communists, leftists and Muslims all joining forces to infiltrate the Obama administration and then take down the world. Honestly, even Austin Powers’ arch enemy, the sinister Dr. Evil, could not come up with something that devilish. It appeared that he was having a mental breakdown on a nightly basis before our very eyes. He was reduced to tears more often than John Boehner. His television stage-set resembled the hidden-away attic classroom of an addle-minded professor who has been reduced to spewing unintelligible gibberish and writing inane code on a blackboard in a near empty classroom. His conspiracy theories were so wildly imaginative and unrealistic that even the other Fox hosts such as Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity steered well clear of all things Beckian. Simply stated, Glenn Beck had become a raving lunatic and a liability to Fox News.

Fox executives should have realized that Beck spelled trouble from the very beginning. He has no formal education or work experience in the world of politics. Glenn Beck’s college career consisted of ONE COURSE, not one semester mind you, but one course. His radio background consisted of merely a bunch of shock-jock jobs with a number of different stations. Add to that his history of alcohol and drug abuse, and you have a recipe for some kind of on-air nervous breakdown. That is exactly what we and Beck’s bosses seem to have been witnessing.

Don’t believe me? Watch this:

Need more evidence? let’s watch a few more of Beck highlights as well as his final exit:

That my friends is a caseload of canned-crazy. But now it is time to celebrate. This weekend we should celebrate not only the holiday which commemorates our great nation’s independence, but also the final departure of one of our great nation’s craziest wackos from the free public airwaves.

Lynnrockets wishes all of you and your’s a happy, healthy 4th of July Weekend!!!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Tears Of A Clown song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zww7FQILQec

TEARS OF A RODEO CLOWN

 (sung to the Smokey Robinson song “Tears of A Clown”)

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah

Now Fox wiped that smile from Beck’s face
Was only there trying to fool the public
And Glenn was a drug-abusing fool
And honey, since now we’re on the subject
Don’t you let Beck’s sad expression
Lead to misplaced adulation
Really Beck’s mad, and he’s sadder than sad
Beck’s gone and he’s hurtin’ so bad
Like a clown Beck pretends to be glad

Now there’s some mad things ‘bout this man
But ain’t too much sadder than
The tears of this clown, as Beck stumbles around
Uh hum, oh yeah Becky

Now if it appears Fox set him free
It’s only to minimize the badness
They want to conceal that wild-eyed guy
His sponsors all fled due to Beck’s madness
Fox won’t let his show continue
Beck has too many issues
He just had to go, along with his show
Glenn’s hurt and it really does show
That dumb Glenn Beck has lost his mojo, ooh yeah

Now there’s some mad things ‘bout this man
But ain’t too much sadder than
The tears of this clown, as Beck stumbles around
Oh yeah

Just like Liberace did
Glenn Beck lost it and flipped his lid
Telling conspiracy lies
Moisture filling his jaundiced eyes
The tears of a clown
And his faked sobbing sound, oh yeah baby

Yes, Fox wiped that smile from Beck’s face
Look at Ailes’ glad expression
He taught Glenn Beck a lesson
Don’t let the smile Beck wears
Make you think that he don’t care
Cuz really he’s sad…Beck’s hurting so bad…

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 72

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Democrats Are Smarter Than Republicans And Computers” features Rep. Russ Holt (D-NJ), Rep. Bill Cassidy (R-LA) and the IBM-powered supercomputer known as “Watson“. In a game of Jeopardy, the Democrat bested both the computer and the Republican who came in third. The question remains however, why would the Republicans choose somebody from Louisiana in the first place?

THIS JUST IN: Just wondering, but how long do you think it will take for the newly energized million or so union workers of Wisconsin to begin a recall petition against newly elected Teapublican Governor Scott Walker?

BREAKING NEWS: To give you a hint at the answer to the question asked just above, the most recent New York Times/CBS News poll reveals that Americans oppose weakening the bargaining rights of public employee unions by a margin of nearly two to one: 60 percent to 33 percent.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “We Can Only Hope” features Fox News chairman Roger Ailes who allegedly may face an indictment for instructing an employee to lie to the feds in an attempt to protect his BFF Rudolph Giuliani.

BREAKING NEWS: A little known fact has been flying under the radar since January. Moonbat-crazy Michele Bachmann‘s Tea Party congressional caucus has been shrinking. The caucus had 52 members in the 111th Congress but only 50 in the 112th Congress. Leave it to wacky Bachmann to drive even the nutty Tea-Baggers away.

THIS JUST IN: We are still waiting for Senator Scott Brown (R-MA) to reveal the identity of his alleged childhood sexual molester to law enforcement agencies. The longer he refuses to identify this deviant, the longer the molester is a potential threat to more children. As the 2012 elections creep closer, Brown must realize that neither Massachusetts Democrats, Independents nor Republicans are likely to support a candidate that enables a child molester to roam freely in the Commonwealth. This story is not going away.

BREAKING NEWS: Fox News Comment of the week. Fox News Headline: Court Clears Delaware Cinema of Racial Bias In Telling Black patrons to Stay Quiet. Reader Comment: The real problem with this country is blacks. And sooner or later we are going to have to deal with it.Train yourselves and your children!!

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Making Friends With The Palins” features former failed GOP Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee. The former Arkansas governor and possible 2012 Republican presidential candidate criticized the actress Natalie Portman this week on a conservative radio show for being pregnant and unmarried. Huckabee said, “There aren’t really a lot of single moms out there that are making millions of dollars each year by being in a movie. I think it gives a distorted image that not everybody hires nannies and caretakers and nurses. Most single moms are very poor, uneducated, can’t get a job, and if it weren’t for government assistance, their kids would be starving to death and would not get healthcare.” I wonder if he is willing to say the same thing about Bristol Palin? Unlike Bristol Palin, Portman attended Harvard University and graduated with a degree in psychology.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s fun statistic. The DailyBeast.com writes that an analysis of 20 years of politicians’ sex scandals reveals that Republicans have more of them – 34 since 1990, compared with 27 for Democrats. More interesting however, is the finding that Republicans have had more scandals that involved prostitutes, politicians claiming to stand for “family values”, and underage boys; while democrats’ scandals are more likely to involve female staffers, sexual harassment and underage girls. Read into that what you will.

THIS JUST IN: In case you were wondering, AAA reports that the average national price for a gallon of regular gasoline yesterday was $3.493 and rising.

In light of the fact that we are suffering from ever-increasing gasoline prices as the result of the turmoil in the middle-east, Lynnrockets has decided to forego the usual song parody today in favor of a particularly spot-on song by The Kinks from their 1979 Low Budget album. The song is titled “A Gallon of Gas” and it describes the state of affairs during the economic downturn of the mid-to-late 1970’s. As you can see, history does in fact have a way of repeating itself. Please enjoy the following video and song lyrics!

A Gallon Of Gas (The Kinks)

I’ve been waiting for years to buy a brand new cadillac
But now that I’ve got one I want to send it right back
I can’t afford the gas for my luxury limousine
But even if I had the dough no one’s got no gasoline

I went to my local dealer to see if he could set me straight
He said there’s a little gas going but you have to wait
But he offered some red hot speed and some really high grade hash
But a gallon of gas can’t be purchased anywhere for any amount of cash

I can score you some coke and some grade one grass
But I can’t get a gallon of gas
I’ve got some downers some speed all the drugs that you need
But I can’t get a gallon of gas
There’s no more left to buy and sell
There’s no more oil left in the well
A gallon of gas can’t be purchased anywhere
For any amount of cash
I love your body-work, but you’re really no use
How can I drive you when I got no juice?
Because it’s stuck in neutral and my engine’s got no speed
And the highways are deserted
and the air smells unnaturally clean.

It’s got power-assisted overdrive and carpets on the floor,
but it’s parked out front just like a dead dinosaur.
And I’ll be paying off the bank for 45 years or more.
It should go 100 miles an hour,
but it’s never moved away from my door.

Who needs a car and a seven-forty-seven
When you can’t buy a gallon of gas
Who needs a highway, an airport or a jet
When you can’t get a gallon of gas
There’s no more left to buy and sell
There’s no more oil left in the well
A gallon of gas can’t be purchased anywhere
For any amount of cash
You can’t buy a gallon of gas

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 71

Just a few newsworthy items (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS: Lynnrockets was glad to hear that somebody else agrees that New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (R) is like a caricature of some sort of “Sopranos“-like television politician. Maryland Governor Martin O’Malley (D) criticized Christie’s confrontational and headline-grabbing governing style, calling it a “stand-up routine”. He also accused Christie of being “abusive towards public employees.” Furthermore, he called Christie a hypocrite over his tough budget talk for skipping a $3 billion payment into the state’s pension fund and allowing New Jersey property taxes to increase. Be careful Governor O’Malley because Christie may send “Paulie Walnuts” after you!

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Republicans Eating Their Own” features Tea-Baggers and conservative Republican Rep. Joe Barton. The Texas Republican is remembered most as being the out-of-order loudmouth who shouted “You lie!” on the House floor as President Obama was explaining that the health care reform law did not cover illegal immigrants. He also dismissed the $20 billion BP victims’ escrow fund as a “shakedown” on the part of the Obama administration. You would think that this whack-job would be a darling of the Tea Party, what with their warped sense of politics. Yet, this week at the Tea Party Patriots sponsored American Policy Summit, Barton was booed by the faithful. Apparently acknowledging public debate over a possible government shutdown, Barton told the audience about the legislative action – called a continuing resolution – recently passed in the House that temporarily funds the government in lieu of an actual budget. The measure would fund the government for the rest of fiscal year 2011, which ends September 30, and cuts $61 billion from current spending levels. The Tea-Bagger response? Wild shouts of “Boo, boo!, More, more!”. The uncouth Barton and the misguided Tea-Baggers deserve each other.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Not Everybody Learns From History” stars Newt Gingrich. In an editorial published today in the Washington Post, the disgraced former Republican House Speaker and serial wife-cheater writes of a possible government shutdown caused by Republicans, “Those who claim that the shutdown was politically disastrous for Republicans ignore the fact that our House seat losses in 1996 were in the single digits.” Someone should remind Gingrich that during the last government shutdown at the end of 1995 – a three-week event that has since been attributed to rocketing President Bill Clinton back into political favor among the electorate after a bruising midterm election defeat for the Democrats in 1994 – Republicans ultimately compromised with a newly-energized Clinton after the public backlash suggested the GOP was taking a huge political hit. The shutdown also precipitated Gingrich’s ultimate embarrassing resignation from Congress. Here’s hoping history repeats itself once again.

THIS JUST IN: GOP operative Roger Stone, who is currently an informal adviser to Donald Trump said this week that Trump is likely to take a page out of other recent billionaire political aspirant’s playbooks and cut himself a check to the tune of $200 million to finance a run for the presidency. In light of the fact that Trump has filed for bankruptcy protection on at least four occasions, it is surprising that he has $200 million. Just what a country with an ailing economy needs, a President who has gone bankrupt multiple times.

BREAKING NEWS: The New York Times reported last week that after Judith Regan was fired by HarperCollins in 2006, she claimed that a senior executive at its parent company, News Corporation, had encouraged her to lie two years earlier to federal investigators who were vetting Bernard B. Kerik for the job of homeland security secretary. The News Corporation executive, whom she did not name, wanted to protect Rudolph Giuliani and conceal Regan’s affair with Kerik, she said. It has now been revealed that the person urging her to lie was none other than Roger E. Ailes, the powerful chairman of Fox News and a longtime friend of Mr. Giuliani. Anyone surprised?

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Your Tea Party At Work” features the Montana Tea-Baggers. The AP reports that, “with each new bill they file, newly elected Tea Party lawmakers are offering Montanans a vision of the future. Their state would be a place where officials can ignore U.S. laws, force FBI agents to get a sheriff’s OK before arresting anyone, ban abortions, limit sex education in schools and create armed citizen militias.” How’s that for change you can believe in?

BREAKING NEWS: You may have missed it, but last Wednesday somebody over at Fox News spoke the truth. Host Shepard Smith said that there is no longer a budget crisis in Wisconsin and that the battle in the state is all about politics and union-busting. Specifically he said, “to pretend this is about a fiscal crisis in the state of Wisconsin is malarkey.” What are the chances that Smith is rewarded for his candor by receiving a pink slip this week?

THIS JUST IN: Speaking of Wisconsin, Republican Governor Scott Walker attempted to divide the unions by proposing to restrict the collective bargaining rights of some unions but not others. His labor-busting bill will exempt the police and fire unions who endorsed his candidacy. His divide-and-conquer plan has unexpectedly failed. Blogger Ryan Harvey reported, “Hundreds of cops have just marched into the Wisconsin state capitol building to protest the anti-Union bill, to massive applause. They now join up to 600 people who are inside. Police have just announced to the crowds inside the occupied State Capitol of Wisconsin: ‘We have been ordered by the legislature to kick you all out at 4:00 today. But we know what’s right from wrong. We will not be kicking anyone out, in fact, we will be sleeping here with you!”‘. OK Walker, what is Plan B?

BREAKING NEWS: We are still waiting for Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown to either identify the child sex offender that he claims molested him at a summer camp or to admit that he embellished the story to sell books. Despite the fact that law enforcement agencies have requested that Brown identify the sexual deviant, Brown has refused to do so. In the meantime, Brown’s inaction allows a child molester to remain on the loose and free to strike again. This story is not going away.

THIS JUST IN: It would not be a complete weekly news wrap-up without a Sarah Palin story. Celebrity chef Jamie Oliver called Sarah Palin a “Froot Loop” for criticising the Obama administration’s healthy eating initiatives, and said getting healthy foods to kids is a civil rights issue. Apparently the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska and failed reality television personality is now being targeted by other reality television stars. You just have to love it!

BREAKING NEWS: Speaking of “Froot Loops”, did anyone see Joe Scarborough question Glenn Beck‘s sanity this week? His criticism of the Fox News host was simply scathing. Scarborough said, “This guy is losing it before our eyes. He’s bad for the conservative movement. He’s bad for the Republican Party. He’s bad for Fox News…even guys over at Fox News have to start thinking, this can’t last. He’s out of control.” But as we always say, a picture is worth a thousand words, so let’s go to the tape…

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody. Enjoy!

Last Train To Clarksville song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KSHyXGy6XA

LAST TRAIN TO NUTSVILLE

(sung to the Monkees song “Last Train To Clarksville”)

Take the last train to Nutsville
Beck will meet you at the station
You can be there by four-thirty
Cuz Fox made your reservation
The Beck Show, oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!

Glenn lost his mind without warning
And it won’t be back again
Glenn Beck’s facing stormy weather
And it’s causing quite a strain
So, he must go, oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no
He might have a lobotomy on his dome.
Take the last train to Nutsville
Glenn Beck is their famous patient
If he’s not crying he’ll blow some kisses
But don’t attempt conversation
Oh… oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!

Take the last train to Nutsville
That’s where Glenn Beck now calls home
We can’t hear him making noisy
Conversation all alone
He’s feelin’ low. Oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!
And I don’t think that Glenn’s ever coming home.

Take the last train to Nutsville
Take the last train to Nutsville
(repeat and fade)