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O’Donnell Hostage Crisis (Day 8): The Body Count Mounts

I'll get you, Bill Mahar!

Just one week ago, you may remember, that Bill Mahar, on his HBO program, “Real Time With Bill Mahar”, aired the now famous video clip of Republican Senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell admitting that she dabbled in witchcraft and had a date on a Satanic alter. Not only was the clip terribly damaging to the O’Donnell campaign, but Mahar upped the ante by threatening O’Donnell that he has even more embarrassing tapes which he will slowly air prior to election day unless she agrees to appear on his program. “It’s like a hostage crisis,” Maher warned O’Donnell on Saturday night. “Every week you don’t come on this show, I’m going to throw a new body out.”

True to his word, Bill Mahar did just that last Friday night. This clip shows the Sarah Palin and Tea-Party endorsed O’Donnell vehemently asserting that “evolution is a myth”. It is hysterical to look at the faces of Mahar and the other guests as the crazy evangelical O’Donnell makes her pronouncement. It gets even better when Mahar asks her “Have you ever looked at a monkey?’ and O’Donnell replies, “Well then…why aren’t monkeys still evolving into humans?” The comedy is than amped-up when one of the other guests informs O’Donnell that “It (i.e. evolution) takes a long time”. But as we always say, a picture is worth a thousand words, so let’s go to the tape..

Yikes! These tapes are certainly much more than most intellectually-challenged, gay-baiting, devil-worshipping, tax-evading, donation-abusing, evolution-denying non-masturbators could handle. And, they appear to be working. According to a CNN/Time/Opinion Research Corporation poll released Wednesday, Democratic Senate nominee Chris Coons holds a 16 percentage point lead over O’Donnell among likely voters, 55 percent to 39 percent. Among the wider pool of registered voters, Coons leads O’Donnell by 25 points.

But Christine O’Donnell is not your average candidate. She is, after all, a member of the Tea Party and a Sarah Palin prodigy. Consequently, by definition, she is expected to carry more baggage than an ocean liner. Luckily for us, she does, and Bill Mahar seems to have the undeniable proof. This is one hostage crisis in which the abductor is the fan favorite. Please Bill, keep those bodies coming.

Oh, and I almost forgot…

Go Packers!

Remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s very topical song parody.

Alison song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYDGFZ5e6HA

O’DONNELL

(sung to the Elvis Costello song “Alison”)

Oh, it’s so funny to be seeing you on Bill Mahar’s show, girl
And by the way you look I understand that you are not impressed
But until the day that you go on “Real Time”
Your hopes are less and less.
That primary win was just accidental
O’Donnell toed the Tea Party line
But Bill Mahar promises to “throw out new bodies”
Every Friday night on prime-time.

O’Donnell, I know Bill Mahar is killing you
Oh, O’Donnell’s campaign is through

Well I see you have no husband now
Most guys don’t think it’s adulterous to simply masturbate
You’re such a cold one, they chose the hand
It makes for a better date
Sometimes I wish that I could stop you from talking
When I hear those foolish things that you say
We know Christine that you are really not too bright
You will be finished come election day.

O’Donnell, I know Bill Mahar is killing you
Oh, O’Donnell’s campaign is through
Campaign is through
Campaign is through
Campaign is through
Campaign is through
Campaign is through
Campaign is through
Campaign is through
Campaign is through
Campaign is through
Campaign is through

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Spread Some Butter Cuz O’Donnell’s Toast

Bubble, Bubble, She's Got Trouble!

It would appear that the days are few for Christine O’Donnell (aka The Palin Prodigy). The Tea-Party backed candidate for Vice President Joe Biden’s former Delaware Senate seat is facing more fire today and this newest trouble may mean the end for her tumultuous campaign.

O’Donnell was initially publicly embarrassed by the revelation that she believes masturbation is akin to adultery and for her campaign’s thinly veiled accusation that her primary opponent, Mike Castle is gay. Next, it was revealed by TV host Bill Mahar, that the family values Christian admitted on television that she dabbled in witchcraft and had a date on a blood splattered satanic alter. Mahar also warns that he has even more embarrassing tapes of O’Donnell which he will slowly air prior to election day unless she agrees to appear on his current program, “Real Time With Bill Mahar”. “It’s like a hostage crisis,” Maher warned O’Donnell on Saturday night. “Every week you don’t come on this show, I’m going to throw a new body out.”

Well, all that is certainly more than most unqualified candidates could withstand, but it gets even worse for O’Donnell. Yesterday, Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW), a nonpartisan campaign watchdog group, filed a damaging criminal complaint against the O’Donnell campaign with the Delaware U.S. Attorney’s Office and the Federal Election Commission. The complaint alleges that more than $20,000 of O’Donnell’s spending in 2009 and 2010 was illegal because O’Donnell was no longer a candidate for any political office. CREW Executive Director Melanie Sloan said,

“By committing tax evasion, false statements, and basically embezzling her campaign funds, Ms. O’Donnell has basically broken criminal law, and must be held to account for that,”

CREW is basing their complaint in part on the affidavit of a former campaign aide who charges that O’Donnell routinely used campaign funds to pay for personal expenses such as meals and gas. The aide, David Keegan, said that O’Donnell paid for a bowling outing – among other things – during a time when she was not running for office. O’Donnell is also being accused of illegally using campaign funds to pay her personal rent and for personal travel. In essence, it is alleged that she has illegally used her campaign donations for personal profit at a time when she was not a candidate for any office.

Honestly, how much dirty laundry must a candidate have before she is finally taken to the cleaners?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s very topical song parody.

The Bitch Is Back song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nujsrspF-k8

THE WITCH IS WHACKED

(sung to the Elton John song “The Bitch is Back”)

She’ll be crucified for tellin’ lies
Her campaign will never survive
Re-arranging where her money’s at
But the Feds will get O’Donnell cuz the witch is whacked
(Oh, oh, oh)

Black masses on Friday that’s her night
No masturbatin’ cuz that’s just not right
This witch is all over the nightly news
Just a matter of days ‘fore her campaign is through
(Oh, oh, oh)

She’s a witch, she’s a witch
And this witch is whacked
It’s all over for the O’Donnell quack
She’s a witch, she’s a witch
All her debts are now due
She’s a Tea Party stooge
And they’re drinking her brew
(Oh, oh, oh)

She entertains with all her games
Sold her soul for her own gain
The bullshit flows, this fraud’s a brat
Christine’s full of nasty habits and that witch is whacked
(Ha, ha ha))

She’s a witch, she’s a witch
And this witch is whacked
That’s a sober undeniable fact
She’s a witch, she’s a witch
And she just got the clue
O’Donnell lost her groove
Now her campaign is through
(Oh, oh, oh)

(abstinence break)

(Oh, oh, oh)
She’s a witch, she’s a witch
And this witch is whacked
Her porcelain skin is showing some cracks
She’s a witch, she’s a witch
Tell us something that’s new
Christine must face the truth
Her days are now few
(Oh, oh, oh)

Witch, witch
The witch is whacked
Witch, witch
The witch is whacked
Witch, witch
The witch is whacked
Witch, witch
The witch is whacked
Witch, witch
The witch is whacked
Witch, witch
The witch is whacked

Christine O’Donnell: This Witch Drank The Brew

Witches? Bitches? Or Both?

Like the famous Doctor Frankenstein, Sarah Palin has created her very own ungodly monster. Its name is Christine O’Donnell and she has emerged on the scene just in time to kick-off the Halloween season with tales of Satan-worship and witchcraft. Oh, this is just too good to be true.

What with the racist Rand Paul and the certifiably insane Sharron Angle, the Tea Party was already cursed for November’s general elections. Christine O’Donnell has just added to the Nightmare on Tea-Bag Street. This Sarah Palin endorsed “Mama Grizzly” has unexpectedly morphed into An American Werewolf in Delaware. She has more skeletons in her closet than Boris Karloff.

First, O’Donnell’s campaign took the hate-fueled approach of branding her Republican Party primary opponent Mike Castle as a homosexual in an attempt to inject prejudice and fear of the other into the race. Next, we learned that O’Donnell had lied about obtaining a college bachelor’s degree. The next few bones to fall out of the closet was the revelation that she has been in debt for most of her adult life, failed to pay taxes and failed to pay previous campaign debts including wages to her employees. Soon thereafter, things got a little crazy when we learned that O’Donnell believes that masturbation is akin to committing adultery. This stuff alone should be enough to dissuade any sane Delaware voters from considering O’Donnell as their next US senator come November, but now we have the latest revelation.

Hold your pointy black hats! Christine O’Donnell has admitted to practicing witchcraft and dabbling in Satanism. Bill Mahar, the host of HBO show “Real Time With Bill Mahar”, revealed a video of O’Donnell from his now-cancelled show “Politically Incorrect” from 1999 wherein the Christian senatorial hopefull said, “I dabbled into witchcraft – I never joined a coven. But i did, I did…I dabbled into witchcraft.” She then went on to describe one of her dates with a witch “on a satanic alter”. She said, “there was a little blood there and stuff like that. We went to a movie and then had a midnight picnic on a satanic alter.” Yikes, the evangelical christian sector of the Delaware GOP should be just thrilled with this. Let’s watch…

Oh please, Christine, do tell more. What, there is more? I was just kidding. Holy bats in the belfry, Batman! Bill Mahar says he has even more embarrassing tapes of O’Donnell which he will slowly air prior to election day unless she agrees to appear on his current program, “Real Time With Bill Mahar”. “It’s like a hostage crisis,” Maher warned O’Donnell on Saturday night. “Every week you don’t come on this show, I’m going to throw a new body out.”

Oh how the witch’s brew does boil and bubble! For Christine O’Donnell it sure spells trouble!

Will Sarah Palin and Mitt Romney still campaign on O’Donnell’s behalf or will this black magic stuff become the stake that finally dooms Count O’Donnell. Remember, back in 2008, it was Palin that made such a stink about Barack Obama’s association with Reverend Wright. Yet Wright looks like an angel when compared to the Satanists that O’Donnell was “pallin’ around with”. Tune in to Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off all this week for updates. Same bat time. Same bat channel.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s very topical song parody.

Witchcraft song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIZIBm2QGaM

WITCHCRAFT II

(sung to Frank Sinatra’s song “Witchcraft”)

This “Mama Grizzly” bear
That hails from Delaware
Christine O’Donnell snared
By witchcraft

And she’s got no defense for it
The heat is too intense for it
Palin has really stepped in it too

Christine’s witchcraft, wicked witchcraft
And she knows we know, it’s strictly taboo

Will this implode the Tea Party?
Confirming her insanity
Bringing down Palin and Romney too?

O’Donnell’s dug her ditch
Gay-baiting hate-fueled bitch
This tax evading witch is through

(masturbation break)

Christine’s witchcraft, her crazy witchcraft
Now we know that she’s been drinking the brew

Lied about her college degree
Non-masturbating prodigy
Renouncing Christianity too

Bill Mahar is now the snitch
Who threw the breaking pitch
Now we can bid this witch adieu!