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Glenn Beck Admits That His Show Is A Waste Of Time

Glenn Beck dons the "Fear Goggles"

Glenn Beck, Glenn Beck,

You’re such a train-wreck!

You speak like a looney,

And look like ol’ Shreck!

Thank goodness we have Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck and Fox News to amuse us in the Monty Pythonesque fashion that we all so adore. If it were not for this fictionalized news network and its absurd assortment of mentally challenged hosts, what would we bloggers have to write about? What’s that you say? Oh yes, we would still have Larry Craig, the Cheney Gang, the nudist Scott Brown, Michele Bachmann and Rush Limbaugh. Nevertheless, Fox News does keep a lot of these nincompoops neatly caged in one little bundle.

Today’s object of ridicule is the crying man-child, Glenn Beck. In Beck, the right wing punditry has found another person that seems to fit it’s employment criteria. Like the “family values” minded Newt Gingrich and Rush Limbaugh, he has been married multiple times. His educational background also measures up well with Limbaugh’s in that his college career lasted for all of one course. Yes, we said “course” not year or semester. Additionally, he also shares an alcohol and substance abuse history with Limbaugh. Glenn Beck is truly a Fox “Man For All Seasons”.

This week we had the added enjoyment of hearing Glenn Beck proclaim that his show is a waste of time. He invited resigning Democratic Representative Eric Massa on to his program in the hope of exposing the ethical violations of a Democrat or in the hope of eliciting some insider information that the Obama administration was strong-arming members of its own party. The interview, however, did not go as Beck planned.

First of all, Massa, unlike so many Republican scandal subjects like Larry Craig and David Vitter, accepted personal responsibility for his actions and voluntarily resigned his office as a consequence thereof. Massa said,

My difficulties are of my own making, period, and that during long car rides in the early hours of the morning and late at night and always in private, I know that my own language failed to meet the standards I set for all around me and myself.

After striking out on that pitch, Beck changed the subject to the alleged Obama strong-arming. in an earlier radio interview, Massa said,

I was set up for this from the very, very beginning. If you think that somehow they didn’t come after me to get rid of me because my vote is the deciding vote in the healthcare bill, then ladies and gentlemen, you live today in a world that is so innocent as to not understand what is going on in Washington, D.C.

Beck hoped to get Massa to affirm that statement and to expound thereon. Instead, all he got was a harmless statement from Massa that Rahm Emanuel, while nude at a gym locker room, confronted him over his vote. Hardly the juicy revelation that Beck hoped for.

The ineffective interview prompted Glenn Beck to say to his audience,

I think I’ve wasted your time. I think this is the first time I have wasted an hour of your time, and I apologize for that.

Indeed Glenn, you have wasted our time, but it was not the first time that you have done so. You waste our time every time your lying mug and voice appear on either television or radio.

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Last Train To Clarksville song link:


(sung to the Monkees song “Last Train To Clarksville”)

Take the last train to Nutsville
Beck will meet you at the station
You can be there by four-thirty
Cuz Fox made your reservation
The Beck Show, oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!

Glenn lost his mind without warning
And it won’t be back again
Glenn Beck’s facing stormy weather
And it’s causing quite a strain
So, he must go, oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no
He might have a lobotomy on his dome.

Take the last train to Nutsville
Glenn Beck is their famous patient
If he’s not crying he’ll blow some kisses
But don’t attempt conversation
Oh… oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!

Take the last train to Nutsville
That’s where Glenn Beck now calls home
We can’t hear him making noisy
Conversation all alone
He’s feelin’ low. Oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!
And I don’t think that Glenn’s ever coming home.

Take the last train to Nutsville
Take the last train to Nutsville
(repeat and fade)

Memo To Sarah Palin: Nobody Asked Your Opinion

Here she goes again. Sarah Palin is now calling upon President Barack Obama to fire his top aide, Rahm Emanuel as a consequence of his using coarse language in a strategy session. Emanuel allegedly referred to liberal groups that attacked the president’s health care reform plan last August as “F-ing retarded”.

Regarding the remark, CNN reports that Palin says,

His recent tirade against participants in a strategy session was such a strong slap in many American faces that our president is doing himself a disservice by seeming to condone Rahm’s recent sick and offensive tactic. Just as we’d be appalled if any public figure of Rahm’s stature ever used the “N-word” or other such inappropriate language, Rahm’s slur on all God’s children with cognitive and developmental disabilities – and the people who love them – is unacceptable, and it’s heartbreaking.

Okay then, where shall we begin? First of all it is clear that Sarah Palin is not fit to serve in high office if she cannot tolerate the rough and tumble language of smoke filled rooms and closed door meetings. My goodness, would this delicate little flower wilt and crumble when Putin “rears his head over Alaska” and calls her a name? Where would she hide when Osama Bin Laden sends another audiotape? Has she never heard the tapes of Presidents Nixon and Johnson and the most recent Face Shooter in Chief, Dick Cheney? If she has then why has she never mentioned her outrage?

Additionally, aren’t her remarks a perfect example of the pot calling the kettle black? After all, it was only last October when her almost son-in-law Levi Johnston appeared on network television and revealed that Sarah Palin joked about her son Trig’s Down Syndrome, calling him her “retarded baby.” Ouch! Johnston added that the slur was not just a  one time occurrance, but was used quite frequently.

Finally, although Emanuel should have used different words, Palin has missed his point entirely. The context of his remark makes clear that he was not poking fun in any way at those actually suffering from mental disabilities. On the contrary, Emanuel was pointing out the irrational position of those persons that would oppose a form of health care reform that has a goal of providing insurance and therefore medical services to just those patients that may be denied medical services under the present system. But how could we expect Sarah Palin to understand that? The only two phrases she has ever associated with health care reform are “socialist” and “death panels”.

Sarah Palin is a dangerous, hypocritical one-trick pony who’s opinion should never be solicited on any subject of importance.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

My Way song link:


(sung to Frank Sinatra’s “My Way”)

And now, the end is near;
To all of you, I’m glad I met ya’
Alaskans, let’s make it clear,
Did I fool you?, Oh yeah, “ya betcha!”

You’ve met Todd, the “First Dude”,
His snowmachine is in the driveway.
Is he drunk? My God, he’s blitzed,
The D.U.I. way.

Regrets, I’ve had a few;
More than most, I will remember.
My lipstick and my hair-do
But most of all, 4th of November.

Each day since then has been
Another never-ending whine and cry day,
And I’ve been told by Newt Gingrich,
To hit the highway.

Yes, there were times, that now you know
I failed to declare “per diem” dough.
What’s this about “stimulus funds”?
Let’s just cling to, our God and guns.
Oh, I just winked and then I blinked;
And did it my way.

Nicknames, I’ve had a few
There’s “Caribou” and “Barracuda”
Now I’m known as “Sarah Who?”
Cuz Tina Fey is so much cuter.

To think I’m a has been;
And I can’t see – beyond next Friday
Woe, oh woe is me,
I won’t have my day.

For what is a gal, what has she got?
When her career, has gone to pot.
How to appear on nightly news;
When she’s inept at interviews.
She’s still exposed despite those clothes
Please hit the highway!

Yes, hit the highway.