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Republican Party Games

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Did you ever wonder what it must feel like to admit that you are a Republican these days? How it must feel to say that you are not only in the same party but also subscribe to the same political policies as some of the craziest wingnuts ever to group together under one banner? Can you imagine trying to say with a straight face that you voted for any of the criminal Banana Republicans shown above or the philandering perverted Republicans such as:

Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford, Paul Stanley and Mike Duvall.

We here at Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off believe that it would make you want to cry. That my friends, leads us right into today’s song parody. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

It’s My Party song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRbsz1Ha7Zo

IT’S OUR REPUBLICAN PARTY

(sung to the Lesley Gore song “It’s My Party”)

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Nobody knows where Mitt Romney has gone
Delay had to resign
McCain was one we can’t stand
The rest just wallow in slime

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Naughty Mark Sanford’s romancin’ tonight
Michele Bachmann’s spewin’ bile
We don’t like Mike Huckabee
Cheney will soon be on trial

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

(musical interlude)

Aw, Sarah Palin behaves just like a whore
She’s a mean ding-a-ling
Jindal should open his eyes
He’ll never be our king

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Oh, It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Oh, It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to

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Sarah Palin and the (G)rand (O)ld (P)erverts

Former G.O.P. Senator, Arlen Specter at Town Hall Meeting

Former G.O.P. Senator, Arlen Specter at Town Hall Meeting

We all believed after the last two election cycle defeats for Republicans that the party would disappear as the result of voter defections. We did not anticipate that the party would implode from within as the result of numerous party member resignations triggered by so many tawdry sex scandals. OK, to be honest, maybe we did think that could happen also, too. Nonetheless, we did not think it would happen so rapidly.

Let’s take a look at our list of Republican philanderers and perverts. Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford and Paul Stanley.

Oh wait, now we have another one. Let’s have a warm welcome and a stream of hearty applause for California State Assemblyman, Mike Duvall. This guy’s accomplishments in the field of sexual depravity rank right up there with Senator David Vitter and his diaper wearing trysts with hookers. Duvall abruptly resigned from office last week after it was revealed that he inadvertently broadcast descriptions of his sexual conquests over a live microphone feed which recorded his boasting. If that weren’t embarrassing enough, it was discovered that these sexual liaisons took place with women other than his wife. You see where this is going don’t you? That is correct, Duvall is a strict “family values” Republican and strong supporter of the sanctity of marriage. But then again, aren’t they all?

In the recording, Duvall describes in graphic detail about the women he said he slept with including one of whom that was a lobbyist with an energy firm with business before the utilities committee on which Duvall sat as vice chairman. Here is Mike Duvall telling us all about it in his own words:

“I’ve been getting into spanking her,” he said on the recording. “I like it!”

And as for his girl’s panties’

“She wears little eye patch underwear.”

The frequency of his trysts?

“The other day she came here with her underwear. And so we made love on Wednesday a lot.”

And as for his other mistress,

“Shar—oh, she is hot. I talked to her yesterday. She goes, ‘So are we finished?’ I said no. And I go, ‘You know about the other one, but the other one doesn’t know about you.’”

Trust us, these tapes go a lot further but we would like to keep this blog at least somewhat decent.

Now it is time to update our list of Republican philandering perverts. Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford, Paul Stanley and Mike Duvall.

Today’s song parody deals with how it must feel to be a member of the Republican Party these days. Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along.

Oh, almost forgot. We realize that there is nothing new in today’s post about Sarah Palin but we still like to mention her in the title of blog posts because it gets everyone’s spirits up. Also, too, did anybody watch that thrilling 4th quarter come from behind victory of my beloved Green Bay Packers last night. I love when they beat the Bears. Go Pack, Go!

Bad Boy song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtwiY11xeus

BAD BOY

(sung to the Beatles song “Bad Boy”)

A bad little perv resigned his office for good
He’s loyal to the right when he’s not busy sporting wood
He sounded just like a fool on that live open mike
I really hope his spouse doesn’t know he’s spanking young girls all night
Well, he likes it when their bottom’s bare
And all those stories he does share
Hey, Duvall, behave yourself.

Buys every S & M book on the magazine stand
Every dime that he gets is spent on softener for his hand
There is no telling how low Mike Duvall is willing to stoop
From slut and mistress trolling to joining a support group
He used a spatula as a prop
To spank those rear-ends nonstop
Now, Duvall, behave yourself

Now your lovin’ momma’s gonna throw you out of bed
She was watching television when she learned what you said
It’s pretty scary that your kids know that you are a rat
You lost everything you had as a result of that one chat
You may still get the “Bobbitt chop”
Cuz your head is hard as rock
Mike Duvall, behave yourself

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 6 (UPDATED)

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BREAKING NEWS: Philandering Republican State Senator from Tennessee, Paul Stanley has finally resigned. No word on the identity of his next 20 year old mistress.

THIS JUST IN: This week, while appearing on the morning “Fox and Friends” television show, reich-wing pundit Glenn Beck said of President Obama, “This president has exposed himself as a guy over and over and over again who has a deep-seated hatred for white people… this guy is, I believe, a racist.” A mere 75 seconds later on the same show Beck said, “I’m not saying he doesn’t like white people…” What is he saying then?

BREAKING NEWS: Republican Louisiana Senator David Vitter said this last Thursday, “I’m on the side of conservatives getting back to core conservative values,”. This coming from a diaper wearing prostitute patron. Is he referring to kinky hooker sex as those “core conservative values”?

THIS JUST IN: Former Idaho Republican Senator Larry “Wide Stance” Craig who was arrested and convicted of soliciting sex from a male police officer in an airport bathroom stall, is currently employed as a lobbyist with The American Petroleum Institute as a client. Rumor has it that his pay comes in the form of tubes of petroleum jelly.

BREAKING NEWS: Actor William Shatner has just been named America’s Poet Laureate by President Barack Obama as the result of his recent recitals which can be seen here and here.

Please stay tuned to Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off for more breaking news and updates as they happen.

UPDATE: The most recent Palin rumors of divorce etc. are too good to be true. We will keep you updated via song ASAP.

Remember to click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

Every Kind Of People song link: http://www.ilike.com/artist/Robert+Palmer/track/Every+Kinda+People

EVERY KIND OF PEOPLE

(sung to the Robert Palmer version of the song “Every Kind Of People”)

The far right always competes
They all lie and then misspeak
Try to keep their jobs
Fighting to land a spot on Fox

It takes every kind of people
To make that right wing sound
Every kind of people
To vainly scream and shout

We’re not sure Glenn Beck can read
Is Ann Coulter a he or is it a she?
O’Reilly seems so damn uptight
Limbaugh cannot keep a wife

Though they profit by deceit
Honest men know that
Fox will suffer defeat
If you’re anything but white
Fox News will insult you with delight

It takes every kind of people
To make that right wing sound
Every kind of people
To vainly scream and shout

(musical interlude)

You know that hate’s their only goal
They learned that long ago from Bob Dole
Hey, and they are all insane
Looking to always pass the blame

It takes every kind of people
To make that right wing sound
It takes every kind of people
To vainly scream and shout

Every kind of people
To vainly scream and shout
It takes very kind of people

Republicans: Adultery And Other Assorted Values

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Republicans, the gift that keeps on giving. Now batting, Tennessee state senator Paul Stanley (no, not the make-up adorned rock star from Kiss). Where do we begin? Stanley is a 47 year old married (to a woman, of course) father of two who campaigns on an “abstinence only” platform. Last April, he told a Planned Parenthood representative that he could not support the organization because he, “didn’t believe young people should have sex before marriage.”

Really, Senator Stanley? Now, isn’t that special? Fact is however, that Stanley, like so many other Bible thumping, “family values” Republicans, is a hypocritical philanderer. His sexual tryst with his 22 year old legislative intern was revealed this week when he admitted that he was blackmailed into purchasing explicit photographs and video evidence of the affair by the girl’s boyfriend. Only surprise here is that further details did not reveal a trip to South America or a sit-in at an airport Men’s room stall. But stay tuned. These Republican adultery stories always seem to veer off into the absurd.

We can now update our list of Republican “Family Values” adulterers.

Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford and now, Paul Stanley.

Batting next for the Republicans…?

Please click on the song link below so as to have more fun singing along.

The Addams Family television theme  song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVRX_5tGOlo&feature=related

THE HORNY G.O.P.

(sung to the television theme song “The Addams Family”)

They’re creepy and they’re horny
Their dialect is corny
Morality is phony
The shady G.O.P.

If you’re in a museum
It’s real easy to see ‘em
With pants down to their knees’m
The dodgy G.O.P.

(Cheat)
(Beat)
(Their meat)

They always get their ball on
And that’s the sword they fall on
Another gal to crawl on
The horny G.O.P.