For those of you that just cannot get enough of Sarah Palin and the rest of her Wasilla Hillbillies, TLC has just announced that the first season of “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” will be released on DVD. Oh yes, for a mere $ 19.98 you can purchase the two disc set beginning on April 5, 2011. The Hollywood Gossip reports, ” The DVD features all 387 minutes of Sarah camping with Kate Gosselin, bashing Michelle Obama and embarking on various hunting and fishing trips.” Now you also too can relive the magic again and again as the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska brazenly executes animals before your eyes for no reason other than television ratings.
Speaking of “former” and “quitting”, it is also now rumored that the Queen of Quit may also be quitting on Alaska. Amy Andrews, the Gossip Girl of Irish Central tells us that all the Palins have had enough of snowy Alaska and therefore will be accompanying dancing daughter Bristol for the sun and good life in Arizona. Andrews says, “There are no ties that bind Sarah to Alaska any more and she will surely prosper in the warmer climate and with far more ease of travel to states like California, not to mention, early primary states in the Midwest and East Coast.” Yet , “It is ironic that Sarah will be ending up in the state where her presidential candidate running mate hails from. If Sarah had lived in Arizona in 2008 she could not have run for VP .”
A source told Robotceleb.com that “Both Sarah and Bristol are millionaires and have had enough of Alaska.” They go on to say that “Sarah and Bristol raved about the sun and great weather in Los Angeles where Bristol Palin recently lived while appearing on the hit show “Dancing with the Stars”. Bristol Palin is planning on enrolling at Arizona State University in the fall.” Any guess how long the erudite Bristol will last at one of the “biggest party schools” in the nation or at any college for that matter? Then again, if she can’t cut it there, Sarah should be quite capable of helping Bristol fill out a transfer application inasmuch as mom matriculated at five different colleges before earning a mere bachelor’s degree.
As for Sarah Palin, Arizona seems the perfect fit. You might recall that her dad Chuck Heath once said that his daughter transferred out of Hawaii Pacific University because she was uncomfortable with foreigners. No problem with that in Arizona as the result of its racist profiling law and hate of immigrants. The Palins have such pasty white complexions that chances are slim they will ever be asked by an Arizona State Trooper to produce “their papers”. As an added benefit, Sarah Palin will be able to film season 2 of her reality television show in the Grand Canyon State. Palinbots nationwide will be thrilled to see their version of Annie Oakley reload and take aim at the most dangerous game of all, … Hispanics!
In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s New Year’s Eve inspired song parody.
Same Auld Lang Syne song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NmdFgFyhnk
SAME OLD LAME WHINE
(sung to the Dan Fogelberg song “Same Auld Lang Syne”)
Met Sarah Palin at a Walmart store
She was shoplifting like a thief
There was no sign of kids or the “First Dude”
‘Cuz Sarah brings home the beef
I recoiled from her aging face at first
But then her eyes flew open wide
She knew I saw the moose meat in her purse
And then she just fibbed and lied
I said I was not a security man
And then Sarah Palin was glad
She lacked any sense of embarrassment
At the thought that she was bagged
I asked if we could have a drink or two
Cuz she was such a rising star
We met “Joe Sixpack” at the liquor store
And we three went to a bar
We drank a toast to ignorance
We drank a toast to Mao
She tried to explain her head’s emptiness
But she did not know how
She said she’s married to a derelict
Who can’t keep a job if he tried
She would have like to say she loved the man
But she couldn’t stand the guy
I said “death panels” were the end for her
That she could turn a Red-State Blue
And did she fear her would-be son-in-law?
She just said, “Lynn, F_ _ _ you”
She said she hated all the pro-choice whores
And that she hoped they’d go to Hell
I asked if Coulter was a “he” or “she”?
Palin said she could not tell
She toasted her omnipotence
And asked us all to bow
I said, “so long and good riddance,
I must be leaving now”
Then one last toast to ignorance
Cuz it was closing time
She lacks a sense of eloquence
But has that old lame whine
The beers were empty and our tongues were tired
Another book signing today
She put her hat on and hopped on her broom
And I watched her fly away
She graduated from a “safety school”
So she has no-one else to blame
There’s no intelligence inside her dome
That’s why she is so lame.