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Sarah Palin – Reprise

As the result of a death in our family, we are taking a little bit of a break from posting substantive posts for the next few days. But that is no reason to skip out on some fun columns and song parodies from the past. This one is from November 19, 2009. Please enjoy again!

Sarah Palin, The Sometimes Reluctant Covergirl

There she goes again. Sarah Palin, the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska is once again claiming to be a victim of the mainstream media. This time the target of her accusation is the November 22, 2oo9 edition of Newsweek magazine (see above). On Monday, Palin posted the following on her Facebook page:

“The choice of photo for the cover of this week’s Newsweek is unfortunate. When it comes to Sarah Palin, this ‘news’ magazine has relished focusing on the irrelevant rather than the relevant. The out-of-context Newsweek approach is sexist, and oh-so-expected by now.”

But is it really the photo that Ms. Quittypants is upset about for being “sexist”? After all, she did pose for that photo and never objected publicly to the nearly identical photos published this year in a running magazine. And do “sexist” magazine covers always bother her? If so, then why did she not complain about being referred to as “America’s Hottest Governor” on the cover of the February 2008 edition of Alaska magazine? No, we would venture to guess that Palin is not as upset at the photo which appears on the cover of Newsweek, but rather the caption which accompanies it. It says, “How do you solve a problem like Sarah? She’s bad news for the GOP – and for everybody else, too.” It seems that the clearly “sexist” caption of the Alaska magazine was okay for Sarah because it was flattering to her. The Newsweek photo however, was highly objectionable it seems, because the accompanying caption cast Palin in such an unflattering light.

Poor Sarah, she can’t help it. She was born with a simple mind in her mouth.

And that brings us to today’s parody. In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

Simon Says song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvzHGYSv8kw

SIMPLE SARAH SAYS

(sung to the 1910 Fruitgum Company song “Simon Says”)

She likes to play a game,
That is so much fun,
And it’s something even she can do,
The name of the game is “Simple Sarah Says”,
And she would like for you to play it too

Put style gel in your hair,
Simple Sarah says,
Lipstick on your mouth,
Simple Sarah says,
Do it when Palin says,
Simple Sarah says,
And they will vote you right out

Simple Sarah says,
Put glasses on your head,
Don some pants that stretch,
Sarah says,

Simple Sarah says,
Get Bristol out of bed,
That Levi is stiff,
Sarah says,

A beehive on your head,
Simple Sarah says,
The First Dude by your side,
Simple Sarah says,
Hate speech for the left,
Simple Sarah says,
Kind words for the right

(musical interlude)

F-me pumps that are red,
Simple Sarah says,
A gun strapped to your side,
Simple Sarah says,
Diversity left,
Simple Sarah says,
Only whites on the right

Now that we have learned,
To play this game with she,
Sarah Palin has something to do,
Let’s try it once again,
We’ll mimic Sarah P.,
But let’s do it while we’re drinking too

Go kill a polar bear,
Simple Sarah says,
Give your shoes a shine,
Simple Sarah says,
Dress yourself like a whore,
Simple Sarah says,
Ah, you’re looking fine,
Simple Sarah says,
Now, interview if you dare,
Simple Sarah says,
Mingle with the slime,
Simple Sarah says,
Get your ass out the door,
Simple Sarah says,
Make it double time

Newsweek’s Todd “First Dude” Palin Fluff Piece

Last week Newsweek magazine released a fluff piece about Sarah Palin’s husband titled “The Model Political Spouse – Todd Palin Can Handle Another Campaign. Friends Hope He Won’t Have To Prove It.” The article was so lacking in substance that it would have been more fitting in People or US Weekly.

The author, Zev Chafets, provided approximately one and a half pages of a description of a lunch and visit with Todd Palin’s father, Jim Palin. The only thing we learned about the senior Palin was that he had never eaten calamri, he is retired, and he does not like to discuss daughter-in-law Sarah Palin’s political career. The only noteworthy tidbit gleamed from the author’s visit with Jim Palin was that the the former ex-quitting half-term governor’s household yard looks the way we would expect it to look. He wrote, “The Palins’ yard is strewn with five snowmobiles, half a dozen dusty trucks, several small aluminum boats, a couple of airplane floats, a trampoline, and a little plastic basketball hoop. ” Did we really expect anything different from the Wasilla Hillbillies?

The article also contained brief portions of the author’s conversation with one of Todd’s friends. Martin Buser the Iditarod racer hopes that, for Todd’s sake, Sarah palin does not seek the Republican nomination for president. Buser said, “He’s secure enough to have a successful woman; he’d be fine with the limelight Sarah would get as president. But would he suffer, shut up indoors at the White House? Absolutely he would.” Sort of like describing how a koala bear loses it s essence for life while being caged-up at the zoo. Buser went on to describe the type of individuals that impress Todd. He said, “We met a lot of important people, but it takes somebody real accomplished to impress a guy like Todd, an athlete at the top of his game who has won so often on his own terms.” Apparently in Buser’s opinion only accomplished athletes impress Todd. Forget about great intellects or those those folks folks who have bettered the world with great humanitarian accomplishments. Jeesh, with friends like Martin Buser, does Todd need any enemies?

Chafets’ article was most disappointing however,  for its failure to critique Todd Palin in any meaningful way. For instance, there was no mention of the fact that for 7 years (1995-2002) Palin was registered as a member of the Alaskan Independence Party which has a goal of having the state of Alaska secede from the United States of America. The article also failed to mention that on October 10, 2008, Todd Palin was cited in special investigator Stephen Branchflower’s report to the Alaskan Legislative Council. One of Branchflower’s four main findings was that Governor Sarah Palin violated Alaska’s Ethics Act when she “wrongfully permitted Todd Palin to use the governor’s office…to continue to contact subordinate state employees in an effort to find some way to get her former brother-in-law, State Trooper Mike Wooten fired.” Finally, why no mention of the published reports that Todd was a frequent recipient of massages and possibly more from an Alaskan prostitute?

You would think after reading this fluff piece that Newsweek magazine was actually a Todd “First Dude” Palin fanzine.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more singing along with today’s topical, song parody. Please enjoy!

“Ruby, Don’t Take Your Love To Town” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeAbgBPP_N4&feature=related

FIRST DUDE, DON’T TAKE YOUR LOVE TO TOWN

 (sung to the Kenny Rogers song “Ruby, Don’t Take Your Love To Town”)

You’ve pulled on your mukluks
And combed and gelled your graying hair
First Dude are you contemplating
Leaving Mama Bear
I bought that blow-up doll
For you so you could fool around
Oh First Dude
Don’t take your love to town

Oh was it me
Who drove you to that massage table whore?
While I was making dough
Talking ‘bout patriotic wars
And yes, it’s true that
I’m not the wife I used to be
Oh, First Dude, you still know I’m “mavericky”

It’s hard to love a wife
Who breeds dissent and always lies
But the wants and the needs of a woman my age
Just cannot be denied
And it won’t be long I’ve heard them say until I’m not around
Oh First Dude
Don’t take your love to town

Todd’s leaving now cause
I just heard the slamming of the door
But frankly I don’t give a damn
If he’s on a sex tour
Still I just might move to get my gun
And put him in the ground
Oh First Dude
Don’t take your love to town

Oh First Dude
For my sake turn around

Sarah Palin, The Sometimes Reluctant Covergirl

There she goes again. Sarah Palin, the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska is once again claiming to be a victim of the mainstream media. This time the target of her accusation is the November 22, 2oo9 edition of Newsweek magazine (see above). On Monday, Palin posted the following on her Facebook page:

“The choice of photo for the cover of this week’s Newsweek is unfortunate. When it comes to Sarah Palin, this ‘news’ magazine has relished focusing on the irrelevant rather than the relevant. The out-of-context Newsweek approach is sexist, and oh-so-expected by now.”

But is it really the photo that Ms. Quittypants is upset about for being “sexist”? After all, she did pose for that photo and never objected publicly to the nearly identical photos published this year in a running magazine. And do “sexist” magazine covers always bother her? If so, then why did she not complain about being referred to as “America’s Hottest Governor” on the cover of the February 2008 edition of Alaska magazine? No, we would venture to guess that Palin is not as upset at the photo which appears on the cover of Newsweek, but rather the caption which accompanies it. It says, “How do you solve a problem like Sarah? She’s bad news for the GOP – and for everybody else, too.” It seems that the clearly “sexist” caption of the Alaska magazine was okay for Sarah because it was flattering to her. The Newsweek photo however, was highly objectionable it seems, because the accompanying caption cast Palin in such an unflattering light.

Poor Sarah, she can’t help it. She was born with a simple mind in her mouth.

And that brings us to today’s parody. In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

Simon Says song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTBpafu_DE8&feature=PlayList&p=C7BA3DA90EF5F781&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=6

SIMPLE SARAH SAYS

(sung to the 1910 Fruitgum Company song “Simon Says”)

She likes to play a game,
That is so much fun,
And it’s something even she can do,
The name of the game is “Simple Sarah Says”,
And she would like for you to play it too

Put style gel in your hair,
Simple Sarah says,
Lipstick on your mouth,
Simple Sarah says,
Do it when Palin says,
Simple Sarah says,
And they will vote you right out

Simple Sarah says,
Put glasses on your head,
Don some pants that stretch,
Sarah says,

Simple Sarah says,
Get Bristol out of bed,
That Levi is stiff,
Sarah says,

A beehive on your head,
Simple Sarah says,
The First Dude by your side,
Simple Sarah says,
Hate speech for the left,
Simple Sarah says,
Kind words for the right

(musical interlude)

F-me pumps that are red,
Simple Sarah says,
A gun strapped to your side,
Simple Sarah says,
Diversity left,
Simple Sarah says,
Only whites on the right

Now that we have learned,
To play this game with she,
Sarah Palin has something to do,
Let’s try it once again,
We’ll mimic Sarah P.,
But let’s do it while we’re drinking too

Go kill a polar bear,
Simple Sarah says,
Give your shoes a shine,
Simple Sarah says,
Dress yourself like a whore,
Simple Sarah says,
Ah, you’re looking fine,
Simple Sarah says,
Now, interview if you dare,
Simple Sarah says,
Mingle with the slime,
Simple Sarah says,
Get your ass out the door,
Simple Sarah says,
Make it double time

Sarah Palin: The Devil In Disguise

PalinDevil

Sarah Palin's official portrait at Alaska's Governors Mansion

Sarah Palin, the scheduling-challenged diva, has propelled herself into another speaking engagement controversy. This time it is with the conservative group known as The Iowa Family Policy Center. You may recall a few weeks ago when the Palin camp referred to this group as one of the future beneficiaries of the ex former-quitting governor’s speaking prowess. Well, as usual, not so fast. Once again a disagreement between the event organizers and the Palin crew has cast a dark shadow over the event such that Miss Quittypants may pull another no-show.

The Politico reports that, “The Iowa Family Policy Center’s effort to cobble together $100,000 for Palin would represent a striking departure from customary practice in the first-in-the-nation state, these Republicans say, noting that a generation of White House hopefuls has paid their own way to boost their party and presidential ambitions.” Other conservative groups are also unnerved at the prospect of paying a potential future candidate for something that should be considered a privilege. the Politico quotes the following:

“If somebody tells me they want me to pay an appearance fee, it tells me they’re not very serious about running for president,” said Ed Failor, Jr., president of Iowans for Tax Relief and an influential GOP insider.

Also, Steve Scheffler, the president of the Iowa Christian Alliance and a longtime GOP activist, said his organization would also never ante up. We certainly wouldn’t do it, even if we had the money,” Scheffler said, adding that he wanted to keep his group “impartial” in the caucus process and that paying money to one prospective candidate could raise questions about such neutrality.

The brouhaha appears to have caused some backtracking and/or revisionist history with both the sponsoring group and the Palin camp. It has been reported that at the request of the Iowa Family Policy Center, Team Sarah, a national pro-Palin organization not formally connected to the former governor, has begun raising money among its members in an effort to collect the $100,000. However, when an officer of The Iowa Family Policy Center was asked about the fee controversy, he said that he was, “not personally aware of a speaker’s fee” and “There may or may not be, I don’t know.”

Next, Palin spokeswoman, Meg Stapleton told Newsweek:

that Palin “has not requested anything” and that she “does not charge people to campaign for them.” According to Stapleton, Palin would instead cover such travel costs through her political-action committee, SarahPAC.

Not unexpectedly however, the Palin bunch then called the whole appearence into question by saying,

We don’t believe she will be able to attend with her tightly scheduled book tour, and the group has been told that through formal and informal channels.

What is with this bunch of clowns and their inability to do anything on the straight and narrow. It is a sure bet that anytime a Palin engagement is announced, there will be some sort of snafu that emerges which calls the event into question. Sarah Palin simply could not schedule a beauty parlor appointment without complications. She and her camp are scatterbrained dimwits of the first degree.

Some might say that she is a “little devil.”

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with this Halloween inspired song parody.

Devil In Her Heart song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeiuCcBx2zg

DEVIL IN HER HEART

(sung to the Beatles song “Devil In Her Heart”)

She’s got the devil in her heart
But the rednecks fantasize
That Palin is a sleazy tart
But her politics just chill me

Her smirking glances
Vocal dances
She’s an ignorant pig
She’s just so flirty
Politics dirty
She’s a wicked entity

She’s got the devil in her heart
And some tricks are up her sleeve
Palin’s a dime store work of art
A web of lies she will weave

I’ll bet she leaves that Alaskan winter snow
She’ll board a bus to be with Plumber Joe
Palin is quirky
Her future’s murky
Like the G.O.P.’s

She’s got the devil in her heart
I know, know, know Palin will deceive
Next she’ll be working at K-Mart
Cuz today she is naïve

Sarah’s stance is to raise finances
From her writing debut
She’s just as perky
As fresh killed turkey
As we witnessed on TV

She’s got the devil in her heart
I know, know, know  and I do believe
She fell right off the donkey cart
Sarah should be on sick leave

She’s got the devil in her heart
And she’s no angel we can see
She’s got the devil in her heart
No, she’s no angel we can see