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The Alternative Universe Known As Fox News

Oh, where to begin?  If you are brave enough to ever tune into the Teapublican propaganda network known as Fox News, you will quickly realize that it is like visiting a parallel universe. Sort of a mirror image of the world we live in but where most things like logic, history and facts are diametrically opposite from those in our reality. You know, like when you gaze into the looking glass and notice that your left hand appears to be on the right and your hair is parted on the other side of your head? That is the world of the Fox News host and guests.

As evidence of this alternative reality, let’s take a gander at some of the things that happened in just the last week or so in the world of Fox. There was the absolute meltdown by Bill O’Reilly when milquetoast liberal Alan Colmes refused to sit idle when O’Reilly and co-host Monica Crowley (who, by the way, is Colmes sister-in-law) unequivocally said that members of the far left in this country are anti-American. The context of the discussion was criticism by O’Reilly and Crowley of former ABC News anchor Sam Donaldson when he praised Al Jazeera for continuing to cover the Egyptian uprising. Noting that Egypt had shut down Al Jazeera, Colmes said to O’Reilly and Crowley, “I would think a populist like you would support Al Jazeera and freedom of the press… I would think that as a journalist, you would take the side of Al Jazeera.” O’Reilly countered that his beef with Al Jazeera was its lack of balance, that there was never anyone on to counter its anti-American message. Oh, you can just taste the irony of a Fox host complaining about the imbalance of coverage on a news network. The next time that Glenn Beck or Sean Hannity has a credible Democratic guest on their programs to counter their criticisms of Barack Obama or Nancy Pelosi or Harry Reid will be the very first time. The best part of the program was when Colmes asked both O’Reilly and Crowley to specifically name a person on the far left who is anti-American and neither could or was willing to do so. Let’s go to the tape.

So let’s get this straight, O’Reilly and Crowley do not like Al Jazeera because it spreads propaganda and is not “fair and balanced”. Hmmm.

Next up, we have the aforementioned Glenn Beck. We really shouldn’t expect much sense from Beck in that his college education consisted of one course. Not one year or one semester mind you, ONE COURSE. If that were not enough to disqualify him from being considered a qualified news source, consider his multiple marriages and confessed drug and alcohol addiction as an indication of his lack of self control and commitment. This week Beck too chimed in on the Egyptian uprising and boy oh boy did he come up with the conspiracy theory to beat all conspiracy theories. In short, he stated that the long-oppressed Egyptian people are in the streets protesting an autocratic leader because of a plan written in The Coming Insurrection, which is an obscure book that French police believe was written by a member of a small group of anarchists. He then claims that the result of the Egyptian protest will be….Oh, let’s just read it in Beck’s own words…

I believe that I can make a case in the end that there are three powers that you will see really emerge. One, a Muslim caliphate that controls the Mideast and parts of Europe. Two, China, that will control Asia, the southern half of Africa, part of the Middle East, Australia, maybe New Zealand, and God only knows what else. And Russia, which will control all of the old former Soviet Union bloc, plus maybe the Netherlands. I’m not really sure. But their strong arm is coming. That leaves us and South America. What happens to us?

These are nothing other than the crazed rantings of a delusional person. Thus, they are the perfect stuff to broadcast on Fox News. Is it any wonder that Glenn Beck has lost virtually all of his sponsors and at least a third of his audience in the last year?

Shall we move on to Sean Hannity? His take on the certain outcome of the Egyptian uprising is that there cannot be a resultant democracy. In fact he said that the only popular uprising he knows of which has ever resulted in a democracy was in Iraq. Now putting aside for the moment the fact that there was no “popular uprising” in Iraq and that actually the United States invaded Iraq and toppled its government, Hannity is still an imbecile when it comes to historical uprisings. Indeed, it took comedian Stephen Colbert to remind him of the popular uprisings in the Czech Republic, India, France, Poland, East Germany and THE UNITED STATES, all of which resulted in democracies.

Over at Fox News they certainly have a strange crew that has been drinking some strange brew. I bet you Rocketeers can guess where this one is going!

“Strange Brew” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_NholHANoY

STRANGE CREW

(sung to the Cream song “Strange Brew”)

Strange crew
They’ve got there at Fox News

Does that Sean Hannity have a new hairdo?
And will Bill O’Reilly go back on “The View”
No clue
And what will Glenn Beck do?

Strange crew
They’ve got there at Fox News

There’s a long-faced sullen man that’s named Brit Hume
And a blonde-haired guy named Ann Coulter, too
Pee-you
That’s just to name a few

Strange crew
They’ve got there at Fox News

(Misinformation break)

They have a dumb Alaskan known as Sarah P.
And a weekend wimp named Mike Huckabee
Good Lord
Could they be more abhorred?

Strange crew
They’ve got there at Fox News

Strange crew, strange crew
Strange crew, strange crew

Strange crew
They’ve got there at Fox News

Palin Shunned By Conservative Women’s Group (Again!)

They have done it again. As we have said before, sometimes you just can’t make this stuff up. I pull my head away from the football games for just one moment and I learn that the The Clare Boothe Luce (whoever the hell she is) Policy Institute has released its sixth annual “Great American Conservative Women Calendar for 2011“. Besides the fact that the words, “Great American” and “Conservative Women” are mutually exclusive, who in the mad, mad, mad, mad, mad world of marketing ever could believe that such a thing could sell? There are going to be so many unwanted copies of this thing that they should just hang them up at the U.S Post Office next to the photos of all of those wanted felons.

Rather than list the names of the morons that will be featured in the calendar, we felt that we should simply incorporate them into today’s song parody. Please take note however, that even this conservative brain-trust elected once again not to associate itself with Sarah Palin. The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska and former beauty-queen runner-up is now persona non grata in her own political circles. Heck, even Senator Scott Brown (R-MA) was asked to pose nude for a centerfold. When will Palin’s Facebook/Twitter backlash take place?

Please enjoy.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Lynnrockets needs your help. Boston’s largest talk radio station (WRKO AM) has chosen Lynnrockets as a finalist in its “Next Great Political Blogger Contest”. Yours truly has been selected  by the station’s staff (from over 200 entries) to be one of 10 finalists for a position with the station as a “liberal” blogger. There will be two winners (a “liberal” and a “conservative”) chosen by means of internet votes received. This is our chance to get even with the Palinbots for what they did for Bristol Palin on “Dancing With The Stars”. Like Bristol, I lack talent but with all of you voting for me, I may be able to pull-off an upset win. I offer my eternal gratitude if you loyal Rocketeers will visit the WRKO website (Here) and vote for wait…wait…here comes the spoiler…”Kevin McCarthy”. Looks like I’ve now been officially outed. Please vote early and often as the contest ends on Saturday, December 11th at 11:59pm EST. I would truly appreciate your help and if you really want to be of assistance, please encourage your family and friends to vote also, too!

Calendar Girl song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUlOyj9F5gM

Remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

CALENDAR GALS

(sung to the Neil Sedaka song “Calendar Girl”)

Beck loves, Beck loves, Beck loves his calendar gals
Right wing calendar gals
Beck loves, Beck loves, Beck loves his calendar gals
Preaching those politics of fear

(January) Who is Kate Obenshain?
(February) Some Claire Boothe Luce dame
(March) Ann Coulter has a mannish smile
(April) Michelle Malkin’s breath smells just like bile
Yeah, yeah, I just wanna hurl
Every time I take a look at those calendar girls
Every day (oh, dismay)
Every day (oh, dismay)
Of the year
(every day of the year)

(May) Monica Crowey is a Fox alum
(June) Ms. Tantaros is so very dumb
(July) Michele Bachmann looks like a ‘ho
(August) Michelle Duggar must really need the dough
Yeah, yeah, I just wanna hurl
Every time I take a look at those calendar girls
Every day (oh, dismay)
Every day (oh, dismay)
Of the year
(every day of the year)

(musical interlude)

Yeah, yeah, I just wanna hurl
Every time I take a look at those calendar girls
Every day (oh, dismay)
Every day (oh, dismay)
Of the year
(every day of the year)

(September) Bay Buchanan’s from the 70’s
(October) Amanda Carpenter can’t count to three
(November) The Cupp chick goes by the name S.E.
(December) That Star Parker keeps strange company
Yeah, yeah, I just wanna hurl
Every time I take a look at those calendar girls
Every day (oh, dismay)
Every day (oh, dismay)
Of the year
(every day of the year)

Beck loves, Beck loves, Beck loves his calendar gals
Right wing calendar gals
Beck loves, Beck loves, Beck loves his calendar gals
Preaching those politics of fear