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Sarah Palin, The Alleged Philanderer Endorses Nikki Haley, The Alleged Philanderer

My goodness, things just keep getting crazier and crazier regarding Alaska’s former ex-quitting Governor. In the last month alone, Sarah Palin has split with her own Republican Party by means of endorsing two G.O.P. disfavored Tea-Bagger candidates, one of whom has been exposed as a raving racist. She embarressed herself on Fox News’ Hannity program by showing that she had no idea who the candidates were in last week’s Pennsylvania elections. Ms. “Drill Baby, Drill” then made a fool of herself by alleging that it is the Democrats and not the Republicans that are in bed with Big Oil. And now she has endorsed a candidate that has allegedly been involved (like herself) in an adulterous affair. Sarah Palin is now officially as mainstream as a three dollar bill.

The educationally challenged Palin has endorsed Republican Nikki Haley in the South Carolina gubernatorial race. Problem is, Haley has been accused by a certain Will Folks of having had “an inappropriate physical relationship” with him. This is particularly humorous when one remembers that South Carolina’s present disgraced Governor, Republican Mark Sanford also had an illicit extra-marital affair. It also begs the question as to whether any Republican, either male or female, can keep their pants on long enough to serve a full term in office.

Of the endorsement, Palin posted this on her Facebook page:

When Nikki and I held her endorsement rally on the steps of the beautiful and historic South Carolina state house last month, I warned her and her family that she would be targeted because she’s a threat to a corrupt political machine, and she would be put through some hell. [D]on’t let some blogger make any accusation against your Nikki if the guy doesn’t even have the guts or the integrity to speak further on such a significant claim.

Hot on the heel of this week’s other revelation that Indiana Congressman Mark Souder has had to resign his seat as the result of an adulterous affair, let’s have a look at all those other philandering Republicans of late. Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford, Paul Stanley, Mike Duvall, Mark Souder… and now Nikki Haley.

Is it just me or does anyone else feel the need to take a shower after shaking the hand of a Republican?

Please be sure to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Brandy (You’re A Fine Girl) song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-tRXewCAmU

SARAH (YOU’RE A FINE GIRL)

(sung to the Looking Glass song “Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl)”)

(doo da in doo da da), (doo da in doo da da)

There’s a town not far from Bristol Bay
With strip malls, both near and far away
Lonely oil guys go the Wasilla way
And live in motor homes

And there’s a girl in this forlorn town
One time, she wore a pageant crown
They say “Sarah, please put that gun down”
She knows she’s just a punch-line

The oil guys say “Sarah, you’re a fine girl” (you’re a fine girl)
“What a good Prez you would be” (such a fine girl)
“Not here, but maybe somewhere overseas”
(doo da in doo da da), (doo da in doo da da)

Sarah, sports a beehive mane
And some rimless glasses but she has no brain
A locket that bears the name
Of the man that Sarah loves

He came on a winter’s day
On board his gas-powered sleigh
What he saw in her, Todd couldn’t say
Cuz he was drunk since he left home

The First Dude said “Sarah, you’re a fine girl” (you’re a fine girl)
“What a good wife you would be” (such a fine girl)
But it’s booze, snow-machining and pornos for me
(doo da in doo da da), (doo da in doo da da)

But Sarah looked into his eyes
And she took an inventory
She could feel something on him rise
Then she saw his morning glory
She said “To hell with abstinence!”, Lord, she jumped on that sad-sack
And before she could say “Stop!”, she had Track.
(doo da in doo da da), (doo da in doo da da)

Todd, had a loaded pistol
Sarah gave birth to a daughter,  Bristol
She too had an ac-ci-den-tal
And now you hear her say…

You hear her say “Mama, you’re a fine girl” (you’re a fine girl)
“Two peas in a pod aren’t we” (such a fine girl)
“But Ya Betcha we have a screwed-up family”
(doo da in doo da da), (doo da in doo da da)

“Sarah, you’re a fine girl” (you’re a fine girl)
[FADE]

“What a good Prez you would be” (such a fine girl)
“No not here, but maybe somewhere overseas”

Scott Brown: The Senator Wears No Clothes (Updated)

Scott Brown (R-MA) posing for his Senate composite photo.

As we have noted many times in the past, the Republican Party is the gift that keeps on giving. For year’s we have had fun pointing out the hypocricy of those members of the “Party of Family Values” that have engaged in extramarital affairs with members of both sexes. Here are some of our favorites: Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign,  Mark Sanford, Paul Stanley and Mike Duvall. Yet that is only one category of Republican that is joke-worthy.

We also have those Republicans that are just simply uneducated, weak minded, possibly insane, lightweight, frivolous fools. These are the people that give us a belly laugh every time they open their mouths or appear in public. Examples that come to mind are George W. Bush and Michele Bachmann. Of course the undisputed queen bee of this category is Sarah Palin. Ever since the day she emerged from the wilds of Alaska like a “Mama Bear” awaking from hibernation, Palin has entertained us with a form of incoherent public speaking that is second only to that of Borat. She makes Edith Bunker sound like Jane Austen. In short, Sarah Palin becomes the subject of ridicule every time she “rears her head over Alaska” or anyplace else for that matter. Here’s to Sarah Palin! Long live the Queen!

Yet, our friends over at the G.O.P. have just done us another solid. May we introduce newly elected Republican senator Scott Brown of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Although this clown is smarter than Sarah Palin (a law school graduate), his personal life measures up quite nicely to that of the Wasilla hillbilly. In fact, he is the male version of Sarah Palin. She was a beauty pageant failure. He posed nude for a centerfold (see above). She paid little attention to her children as they quit school and were impregnated. He pimped out his daughters at his election party and posed with them in their teeny-weeny bikinis while he eerily smiled (see below). She was cited for a fishing violation. He was sentenced for shoplifting. Thank goodness for us that every ying has its yang.

In Scott Brown we have the very definition of an “empty suit”. And empty shoes. And empty trousers. And empty boxers and…

UPDATE

Commenter linmac reminded us of this sort of creepy music video from the 1980’s which stars Scott Brown’s wife. Jeesh, the squeezing of the tube is rather suggestive. Those Brown kids have a lot to be proud of with regard to their parents.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Centerfold song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNhnThb8gEw

SCOTT BROWN IS THE CENTERFOLD

(sung to the J. Geils Band song “Centerfold”)

C’mon !
Does he walk? Does he talk?
Is he G.O.P.?
Scott Brown’s a Men’s Room angel
Larry Craig would share his seat

His buns are white like snowflakes
No underwear to stain
He poses like a sweet angel
Naked but with no brain

This sad guy loves posing in those porno magazines
He’s like a nudist angel and he’s pimping out his teens

(CHORUS)
He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
That Scott Brown is the centerfold
Scott Brown is the centerfold

He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
Scott Brown is the centerfold

Nude behind his Senate desk
This girlie man should be in a dress
Can he see that Larry Craig
Is giving him the eye

He is naked but for shoes
Much too indecent for the news
You must wear clothes on TV
They told that Scott Brown guy

Wear diapers like Dave Vitter
They do not cover  much
Or simply wear a negligee
That would be a nice touch

(CHORUS)
He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
That Scott Brown is the centerfold
Scott Brown is the centerfold

He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
Scott Brown is the centerfold

(na, na, na, na, na, na…..)

It’s okay we understand
Scott’s nudity should not be banned
But while prancing on the Senate lawn
We wish he would keep his clothes on

Take his truck, Yes he will
He’ll take that truck and drive it
He says the cab has lots of room
For his ass and his private

He says that his bod’s really ripped
He loves it when his clothes are stripped
Oh, no, Scott can’t deny it
Oh yeah, it’s time for him to diet!

(CHORUS)
He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
That Scott Brown is the centerfold
Scott Brown is the centerfold

He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
Scott Brown is the centerfold

(REPEAT)

Republican Party Games

banana_repubs_010306

Did you ever wonder what it must feel like to admit that you are a Republican these days? How it must feel to say that you are not only in the same party but also subscribe to the same political policies as some of the craziest wingnuts ever to group together under one banner? Can you imagine trying to say with a straight face that you voted for any of the criminal Banana Republicans shown above or the philandering perverted Republicans such as:

Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford, Paul Stanley and Mike Duvall.

We here at Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off believe that it would make you want to cry. That my friends, leads us right into today’s song parody. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

It’s My Party song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRbsz1Ha7Zo

IT’S OUR REPUBLICAN PARTY

(sung to the Lesley Gore song “It’s My Party”)

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Nobody knows where Mitt Romney has gone
Delay had to resign
McCain was one we can’t stand
The rest just wallow in slime

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Naughty Mark Sanford’s romancin’ tonight
Michele Bachmann’s spewin’ bile
We don’t like Mike Huckabee
Cheney will soon be on trial

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

(musical interlude)

Aw, Sarah Palin behaves just like a whore
She’s a mean ding-a-ling
Jindal should open his eyes
He’ll never be our king

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Oh, It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Oh, It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to

Sarah Palin and the (G)rand (O)ld (P)erverts

Former G.O.P. Senator, Arlen Specter at Town Hall Meeting

Former G.O.P. Senator, Arlen Specter at Town Hall Meeting

We all believed after the last two election cycle defeats for Republicans that the party would disappear as the result of voter defections. We did not anticipate that the party would implode from within as the result of numerous party member resignations triggered by so many tawdry sex scandals. OK, to be honest, maybe we did think that could happen also, too. Nonetheless, we did not think it would happen so rapidly.

Let’s take a look at our list of Republican philanderers and perverts. Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford and Paul Stanley.

Oh wait, now we have another one. Let’s have a warm welcome and a stream of hearty applause for California State Assemblyman, Mike Duvall. This guy’s accomplishments in the field of sexual depravity rank right up there with Senator David Vitter and his diaper wearing trysts with hookers. Duvall abruptly resigned from office last week after it was revealed that he inadvertently broadcast descriptions of his sexual conquests over a live microphone feed which recorded his boasting. If that weren’t embarrassing enough, it was discovered that these sexual liaisons took place with women other than his wife. You see where this is going don’t you? That is correct, Duvall is a strict “family values” Republican and strong supporter of the sanctity of marriage. But then again, aren’t they all?

In the recording, Duvall describes in graphic detail about the women he said he slept with including one of whom that was a lobbyist with an energy firm with business before the utilities committee on which Duvall sat as vice chairman. Here is Mike Duvall telling us all about it in his own words:

“I’ve been getting into spanking her,” he said on the recording. “I like it!”

And as for his girl’s panties’

“She wears little eye patch underwear.”

The frequency of his trysts?

“The other day she came here with her underwear. And so we made love on Wednesday a lot.”

And as for his other mistress,

“Shar—oh, she is hot. I talked to her yesterday. She goes, ‘So are we finished?’ I said no. And I go, ‘You know about the other one, but the other one doesn’t know about you.’”

Trust us, these tapes go a lot further but we would like to keep this blog at least somewhat decent.

Now it is time to update our list of Republican philandering perverts. Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford, Paul Stanley and Mike Duvall.

Today’s song parody deals with how it must feel to be a member of the Republican Party these days. Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along.

Oh, almost forgot. We realize that there is nothing new in today’s post about Sarah Palin but we still like to mention her in the title of blog posts because it gets everyone’s spirits up. Also, too, did anybody watch that thrilling 4th quarter come from behind victory of my beloved Green Bay Packers last night. I love when they beat the Bears. Go Pack, Go!

Bad Boy song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtwiY11xeus

BAD BOY

(sung to the Beatles song “Bad Boy”)

A bad little perv resigned his office for good
He’s loyal to the right when he’s not busy sporting wood
He sounded just like a fool on that live open mike
I really hope his spouse doesn’t know he’s spanking young girls all night
Well, he likes it when their bottom’s bare
And all those stories he does share
Hey, Duvall, behave yourself.

Buys every S & M book on the magazine stand
Every dime that he gets is spent on softener for his hand
There is no telling how low Mike Duvall is willing to stoop
From slut and mistress trolling to joining a support group
He used a spatula as a prop
To spank those rear-ends nonstop
Now, Duvall, behave yourself

Now your lovin’ momma’s gonna throw you out of bed
She was watching television when she learned what you said
It’s pretty scary that your kids know that you are a rat
You lost everything you had as a result of that one chat
You may still get the “Bobbitt chop”
Cuz your head is hard as rock
Mike Duvall, behave yourself

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 9

coffee_or_tea_1

BREAKING NEWS: San Francisco radio station 910 KNEW, the flagship station of reich-wing uber-conservative radio commentator, Michael Savage, has dropped his program known as “The Savage Nation.” Now that he is unemployed, will he be able to obtain replacement health insurance coverage despite his pre-existing condition of clinical insanity?

THIS JUST IN: Republican Congressman Joe Wilson of South Carolina burst into the public consciousness last week when he called President Obama a “liar” during the President’s nationally televised speech before both houses of Congress. Every single major media source reported the man’s abominable behavior for the next number of days. We have learned that Wilson has been in Congress for almost eight years. Our question to you readers is, have you ever even heard of this loser before he made a fool of himself?

BREAKING NEWS: In our next installment of “Republicans Behaving Badly” we have California State Assemblyman, Mike Duvall. The traditional “family values” proponent was forced to resign last week as the result of the release of an audio tape during which he describes his bondage sessions with mistresses that do not happen to be his wife. It also turns out that one of his “bad girls” works as a lobbyist at a San Diego energy firm that Duvall had oversight of. Your punishment, Mr. Duvall? Fifty-four spankings!

THIS JUST IN: As a counter-punch to the mayor of Mt. Vernon, WA presenting the “Town Key” to Fox News commentator Glenn Beck, the Bellingham, WA mayor has offered his “City’s Key” to The Daily Show host, Jon Stewart. Take that, Mt. Vernon!

BREAKING NEWS: Conservative radio entertainer Rush Limbaugh says, “I wish Wilson hadn’t apologized” in reference to the aforementioned, Joe “You Lie” Wilson outburst. This is not surprising. In his apology to the President “Shouting Joe” said that he was  compelled to utter his insult. A compulsion is much like an addiction in that the person that has it cannot control their behavior. Rush Limbaugh, the self admitted drug addict, must share some sort of brotherly feelings with Wilson. Perhaps they can refer to themselves as “Friends of Glenn.”

THIS JUST IN: We have another episode of “Republicans Behaving Badly.”  CNN reports that “Bob McDonnell, the normally-disciplined Republican candidate for governor in Virginia, mistakenly blurted out the F-bomb during a live radio interview on Friday… Appearing on Washington-area radio station WTOP, McDonnell was sparring with host Mark Plotkin on the topic of transportation funding. Plotkin asked if McDonnell would consider an increase in the state gasoline tax to help fund the transportation budget. McDonnell said no, and uttered the expletive during his response.” To wit,

“I’m going to find other ways to be able to fund transportation. I’ve outlined twleve f—ing funding mechanisms that are creative, that are entrepreneurial.”

BREAKING NEWS: Actress Tina Fey has deservedly won an Emmy Award for her hilariously realistic portrayal of Alaska’s quitting ex-governor, Sarah Palin. In her acceptance speech, Fey once again took a jab at Palin by saying:

“Mrs. Palin is an inspiration to working mothers everywhere because she bailed on her job right before Fourth of July weekend … You are living my dream. Thank you, Mrs. Palin!”

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

The No No Song song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zx8DGD-Kn0&feature=related

THE HO HO SONG

(sung to the Ringo Starr song “The No No Song”)

A doctor that I know just came from the pharmacy
He smiled at Rush and opened up his hand
Then he held out some oxycontin tablets
He said they were the finest in the land

And Rush said, “Ho ho ho ho”
Do you have any more
My back is feeling really damn sore
If I say please
Can I have more of these
My habit has become really hardcore

A friend of Rush Limbo who wears a hat made of tin
Came on the show and opened up his hand
When he revealed twelve tablets of vicodin
Rush was so happy he performed handstands

And Rush said, “Ho ho ho ho”
Do you have any more
I always come to you for a score
Without more of these
I’m in a cold-turkey freeze
And ditto-heads need someone to adore

A ditto-head I know said he could make organs grow
He smiled and said Rush would not need his hand
Then he gave him some blue viagra pills, Oh
And said that things will rise upon command

And Rush said, “Ho ho ho ho”
Do you have any more
My love life has become such a chore
Please, pretty please
I’m flying overseas
The boys there like it when it hits the floor