BREAKING NEWS: Is it a surprise to anyone that a “sex tape” has emerged starring former Ms. California, Carrie Jean Prejean? Apparently in her perfect world, marriage is a sacred institution between a woman and her sex toy. Like the other beauty pageant runner-up, the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska Sarah Palin, everything she touches turns to crap. Then again, the sex tape indicates that Prejean may have a promising solo career. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more.
THIS JUST IN: In light of Glenn Beck’s recent emergency appendectomy, would it be fair to say that now Glenn Beck is also sick of Glenn Beck? Also, too (as Sarah Palin would say) is he worried about being cared for by those thuggish SEIU nurses?
BREAKING NEWS: Michele Bachmann (R – Nutsville) said on CNN’s American Morning this week that Democrats have forgotten the lessons from the contentious town hall meetings this August in which angry conservatives criticized health care reform. She also said,
I think what we’re going to see is the town hall coming to Washington, D.C., just to remind members of Congress [that] we’re the ones we would like you to pay attention to, not lobbyists. And we don’t want the government to own our health care
Just wondering, but don’t the lobbyists represent the private health insurers and not a proposed government run public option? Why does Bachmann accuse the Democrats of siding with the lobbyists when they are seeking to create a not for profit public program? Methinks the crazy one is confused. Again.
THIS JUST IN: Christmas shopping will be a lot less expensive this year than originally thought. Newsmax has just slashed the price of Sarah Palin’s soon to be released memoir, Going Rogue to $ 4.97. That’s right, you can now enjoy a comic read over the holidays and then kindle your fireplace for less than the price of a gallon of eggnog.
BREAKING NEWS: Michele Bachmann’s (R – Mars) Chief of Staff, Michele Marston has announced that she is quitting her job. She has refused to give an explanation as to her reasons for leaving however, POLITICO reports that a conservative Republican House member, speaking on the condition of anonymity, has said, “When your captain’s crazy, it’s time to find a new ship.” Were truer words ever spoken?
THIS JUST IN: The most recent USA Today/Gallup survey released November 5th contains more troubling news for the political future of the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin. the poll reveals that only one in three Americans would seriously consider voting for Palin in the 2012 presidential election. Is that the fat lady that we can hear singing?
BREAKING NEWS: Last night the House of Representatives passed its version of a health care reform bill by a vote of 220 to 215. It is a bi-partisan bill because one Republican, Joseph Cao of Louisiana voted in favor of its passage. The bill includes a public option as well as prohibitions against insurance denial for pre-existing conditions and it prohibits increased premiums based on medical condition or gender. Not unexpectedly, the House Republicans stood silent and teary eyed as the votes were counted. Today they will lick their their wounds at a tea party at the home of John Boehner (pronounced, “boner”).
THIS JUST IN: Speaking of John Boehner (pronounced, “boner”), did anyone hear him at Michele Bachmann’s (R- La La Land) Teabagger Protest at the Capitol this week? He held up a copy of what was purportedly the United States Constitution and began reciting it to the meager crowd in attendance. Problem is, the words in his recital were from the Declaration of Independence and not the Constitution. These Republicans are pure and simple uneducated buffoons.
BREAKING NEWS: Former ex-quitting governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin will be the Republican speaker at this year’s Gridiron Club and Foundation’s winter dinner. The dinner is organized by the group which is comprised of journalists from around the nation. Will Palin have the guts to tell them to their faces, “quit making stuff up”? Probably not, inasmuch as the dinner is scheduled a few weeks after the release of Palin’s ghostwritten memoir which is sure to contain a lot of made-up stuff. I wonder if these journalists will be allowed to record, take notes or comment upon Palin’s speech at their own function. By the way, the Democratic Party speaker will be Barney Frank of Massachusetts. hopefully, he will speak second so that the eloquent and sharp tongued orator can comment upon whatever Palin had to say. Keep your fingers crossed.
Now it is time for today’s Sarah Palin song parody. In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along.
Born To Run song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTEjjGW3vUA&feature=related
BORN TO RUN
(sung to the Bruce Springsteen song “Born To Run”)
In the day she sweats it out on the streets, she’s a runner-up beauty pageant queen
At night she tears her hair out in worry atop Todd’s snow-machine
Hate filled rages at the five and dime
High heeled, misdirected and sporting a sixties beehive, Whoa
Wasilla town hopes she never comes back
She’s a dumb quack, a political hack
Sarah speaketh with a forked tongue
But tramps like her, baby they were born to run
(yes she will run)
Sarah’s got thin skin but she’ll run again
She can’t find work on television
SarahPAC will cater to her whims
Their dedicated to her mission
Together they will dish out crap
She’ll run till she drops, maybe from a heart attack, Whoa
All her friends, she’ll continue to hire
‘cause baby she wants to be the next “Decider”
But her wagon has lost all its wheels
She behaves like a little child girl, a pitbull refusing to heel
(full of baloney)
She’s filled with malice right down to the bones buried in her backyard
She casts no reflection in brand new mirrors
Like a vampire caught off guard
Her unfeeling heart, rises cold and dark
A dominatrix with an iron fist
She’s gonna try to befriend thee in the deep dark night
With a wink and a blown kiss, Huhh
(one two three four…)
She’s got a bunch of Fox News zeroes that fuel her hopes and drive
Sarah Palin likes you if you are white and have no use for gay pride
Every Wednesday she will give an address
That will reveal all the madness in her soul, Whoa
Someday girl, we don’t know when, you’ll learn that you’re a disgrace
Something we already know, her career will be done
But till then just like puss, Sarah will return to run
Oh, Sarah just like puss, baby we hope that you run
Please believe me, all of us baby, sure hope that you will run