Blog Archives

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 42

Just a few newsworthy events and comments thereon that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please chuckle a bit before enjoying Fathers’ Day.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “The Other Crazy Carolina” features North Carolina mountain man, Tim Peeler who claims to have encountered Bigfoot. Rather than describe the situation, let’s just go straight to the video, shall we…

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Republicans Living In A World Of Fiction” features Pat Buchanan. He not only defends “Brain Fartin'” Joe Barton’s apology to BP for having to cough up $20 Billion for an oil spill victims’ escrow fund, but likens Attorney General Eric Holder to the fictional Godfather enforcer Luca Brasi making “a deal they couldn’t refuse”. This is just the latest example of Republicans like Dick Cheney so often defending torture in the event of a 24 like ticking time bomb. What’s next, will Sarah Palin compare Barack Obama to the “Smoke Monster” from Lost?

BREAKING NEWS: Oops! We spoke too soon. This week’s second edition of “Republicans Living In A World Of Fiction” features conservative pundit Ann “The Man” Coulter. While appearing as a guest on the Fox network’s The O’Reilly Factor, the Coulter guy began comparing liberals to children who supposedly think that President Obama is either the tooth fairy or Santa Claus. Keep trying Coulter but you’ll never out-crazy Beck, Palin and Bachmann.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Republicans Doing The Flip Flop” features California Gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman. You might remember that during the primary, Whitman supported a no amnesty and zero tolerance posture towards illegal immigration in an effort to grab the conservative vote. However, now that she has secured the Republican spot, she must cater to the vast number of California Hispanics. Hence, she has released a campaign ad in which she portrays herself as “the Republican who opposed the Arizona (racist immigrant) law”. Nice try Meg. We are sure you will be embraced by the Spanish speaking community.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “You Can Run But You Can’t Hide” features Sarah Palin the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska. After months of requests from reporters, California State University, Stanislaus (rhymes with Santa Claus) on Friday agreed to allow members of the media to attend a fundraiser next week Palin. The unusually secretive reality tv host and fence builder will now be on public display for the world to ridicule. Just wondering, but will they be serving word salad at the event?

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Do As I Say, Not As I Do” features Florida’s Republican Gubernatorial candidate Marco “Polo” Rubio. You might recall that Rubio has been basing his campaign on fiscal conservatism and he repeatedly criticizes the Obama administration for spending money that it does not have. Well, a funny thing happened on the way to election day. Rubio is reportedly facing foreclosure on a Tallahassee home that he stopped making mortgage payments on last February. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Maybe Charlie Crist will rent him a room.

BREAKING NEWS: TPM/Muckraker gives us ” The 7 Dumbest Things BP Has Said About The Spill – – So Far.”

  1. “The Gulf of Mexico is a very big ocean. The amount of volume of oil and dispersant we are putting into it is tiny in relation to the total water volume.”
  2. “everything we can see at the moment suggests that the overall environmental impact of this will be very, very modest.”
  3. BP CEO Tony Hayward says, “Y’know, I’d like my life back,”
  4. BP Chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg told the Financial Times on May 25 — his first newspaper interview since the April 20 Deepwater Horizon explosion — that his company still has a future in the U.S. because BP is “big and important.”
  5. “The oil is on the surface,” Hayward said. “There aren’t any plumes.”
  6. BP COO Doug Suttles told the Associated Press on June 8 that the oil leak should slow to “a relative trickle” soon.
  7. “I care about the small people. I hear comments sometimes that large oil companies are greedy companies or don’t care, but that is not the case at BP. We care about the small people.”

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Tepid Tea” features Mark Williams. The conservative radio talk show host and prominent Tea Party activist is giving up his role as the chairman of the Tea Party Express. It seems that even this bigoted jack-ass can read the tea leaves and see that the Tea-Baggers are on the way out. The Tea Party will be remembered as a flash in the pan.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody which features the whole bunch of conservatives.

California Dreamin’ song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xN9r0bWe78

CONSERVATIVE DREAMIN’

(sung to the Mamas & The Papas song “California Dreamin’”)

All their shirts are brown
(All their shirts are brown)
And their hair is grey
(And their hair is grey)
Listen to them talk
(Listen to them talk)
As they loudly pray
(As they loudly pray)
Scandal is their norm
(Scandal is their norm)
They have one every day
(They have one every day)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
And politics of hate

Members of John Birch
Some won’t admit they’re gay
But when they get down on their knees
(Get down on their knees)
That’s when they like to play
(When they like to play)
These slimy creatures should be told
(Creatures should be told)
Membership’s gone away
(Members gone away)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has led them all astray

(musical interlude)

Glenn Beck is a clown
(Glenn Beck is a clown)
What does Limbaugh weigh?
(What does Limbaugh weigh?)
Palin cannot talk
(Palin cannot talk)
She’s no Tina Fey
(She’s no Tina Fey)
Somebody should tell her
(Somebody should tell her)
To just go away
(To just go away)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has become so cliché
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has lost all its cache´
(Conservative dreamin’)
Drives voters all away

A Tasty Morsel From The Meg Whitman Sampler

Meg Whitman: California's next Republican Governor?

Meg Whitman: California's next Governor?

Republican candidate for Governor of California, Meg Whitman is a disaster. This is a woman that is seeking the highest elective office in the nation’s most populous state even though she has failed to cast a vote in most every election since she reached the age of majority. She is often credited with piloting the internet auction site Ebay to extraordinary growth and success. Perhaps then, if elected she will act like most every other Republican politician and auction herself off to the highest corporate bidder.

Whitman pulled a doozy this week when she called a press conference and then refused to give the press access to the event let alone the opportunity to ask questions. Last Thursday she announced an “open press” stop in Oakland. Reporters from television, print and radio media showed up at the event at a Union Pacific Railroad facility. Once there however, the reporters were herded into a room and not allowed to view her tour of the facility. Thereafter, her staffers announced that she would take no questions from the press.

If this nutjob is elected, Californians should have their heads examined.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

American Woman song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9o8SUSy_tY

REPUBLICAN WOMEN

(sung to the Guess Who song “American Woman”)

Republican women they’ve all lost their minds
Republican women, they’ve really lost their minds
Republican women they’ve all lost their minds
Republican women they’ve all lost their minds

Say “R”, say “E”, say “P”
Say “L”, say “I”, say “C”
Say “A” “N”

Republican women they’ve all lost their minds
Republican women they’ve all lost their minds
Republican women they’ve all lost their minds

Republican women, stay away from me
Republican women, from the G.O.P.
You are someone I’ll just ignore
I don’t wanna see your face no more
I got more important things to do
And I will never be sold on you

Now women, I said stay away

Republican women, listen what I say

Republican women, have no dignity
Republican women, and their tea-parties
Like I told you the time before
Michele Bachmann is just a bore
Mann Coulter I do despise
Malkin has a lazy eye
Now women, I said get away
Republican women, listen what I say

Republican women, it’s clear as day
Republican women, they’re no Tina Fey
Talk about defending our shores
Their husbands prefer time with whores
Jean Schmidt always makes a scene
Sarah Palin thinks she’s queen
Mary Matalin’s hypnotized
Ingraham’s mouth is super-sized

Now women, from the G.O.P.
Republican women, mama let me be

Go, gotta get away, gotta get away
Now go go go
Gonna leave you, women
Gonna leave you, women
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
Bye-bye

You’re no good for me
I’m no good for you
Gonna look you right in the eye.
Tell you what I’m gonna do
You know I’m gonna leave
You know I’m gonna go
You know I’m gonna leave
You know I’m gonna go, women

I’m gonna leave, women
Goodbye, Republican women

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 11

coffee_or_tea_1

BREAKING NEWS:  Meg Whitman, the former CEO of Ebay and current Republican candidate for governor of California has seldom voted in any elections since 1979. Now there is an involved Republican for you. She appears to be just what California needs.

THIS JUST IN:  Sen. John McCain is co-hosting a fundraiser for his former 2008 Republican primary rival Mitt Romney next Wednesday in Phoenix. Hmm, wonder if he will be doing the same for Sarah Palin some day?

BREAKING NEWS:  Former Hewlett-Packard CEO, Carly Fiorina (R) plans to announce her candidacy for senator of California. CNN reports however, that her website leaves a lot to be desired. “It’s the most singularly awful political website I have ever seen, and I am including all the old, basic HTML websites that were the rage 10 years ago,” conservative blogger John Hawkins of the site RightWingNews.com said in an e-mail to CNN. “Why not toss in G.I. Joe vs. Cobra, Ninjas vs. Pirates, and Kennedy versus Kruschev if it’s going to be a goofy joke? There’s very little information on it to appeal to voters.”

THIS JUST IN:  Lou Dobbs has reported that he is upset that a latin television station will include a storyline in one of its soap operas  that is designed to lessen people’s fear of U.S. census takers. Dobbs said, “Well, fans–if you like that, you’re going to love this. Fans of telenovellas on Spanish-language television could soon be seeing more than they tuned in for as well. The Telemundo network, owned by NBC, will incorporate a story line in a popular soap opera to promote the U.S. Census. That’s right. They’re going to put that into a storyline. It is part of an Obama administration plan to make sure the Latino population is fully counted next year. Ines Ferre with our report.” Is it just me, or does it make perfect sense that the census should be made as accurate as possible. Lou Dobbs is a moron if he believes that we should strive for an inaccurate census.

BREAKING NEWS:  Tom Delay’s effeminate dancing on Dancing With The Stars should ensure that he has a lot of nice new friends when he goes to prison.

THIS JUST IN: The Tea-Bagger laden Red State of Georgia is angry with the federal government once again. This time they are not complaining about excessive taxation or excessive federal bailout funds. No, this time they are complaining that they are not receiving enough federal funds as the result of last week’s flooding. That’s right, the Tea-Bagging State of Georgia now wants a federal handout. Don’t you just love the irony?

BREAKING NEWS:  A new New York Times/CBS News poll conducted September 19-23, 2009 reveals that not only do a majority of Americans favor the government offering a federally funded health care plan like Medicare for everyone, but they favor it overwhelmingly. the poll reveals that such a plan is favored by 65% of the respondents, while it is opposed by a mere 26%. So much for the Republicans and their Tea-Bagger minions that believe that they represent the interests of most Americans.

THIS JUST IN: Florida’s Republican governor, Charlie Crist said on Saturday that He believes that president Barack Obama will be ousted from office in 2012 just as Jimmy Carter was in 1980. It would appear however, that Governor Crist has failed to look at the most recent polls which have Obama’s popularity rating once again in the high 50’s. In fact, they are higher than Crist’s favorables in Florida. Perhaps it is Crist that will next be ousted.

BREAKING NEWS:  Last week, the FBI arrested three men in connection with a terrorist bomb plot in the United States. The men had been under surveillance by both the federal agency and the New York City police. Good police work seems to have cracked the case. Nobody was tortured. By all accounts, the joint investigation and arrests were a success. Will Republicans give the Obama administration credit for foiling the plot and capturing those responsible or will thay still insist that he is weak on terrorism? It is interesting to note that to this date since Obama’s election, there have been no terrorist attacks on U.S. soil and several plots have been subdued by arrest. By this date in George W. Bush’s tenure, the largest terrorist attack in the history of the United States had taken place and claimed over 3000 lives. Hmmm.

THIS JUST IN: Today’s burning question is, just who is it that we can hear chanting, “We’re number 4 !, We’re number 4 !”? Who else, it is former quitting ex-governor of Alaska Sarah Palin’s very own BFF and all around handler, Meg Stapleton. Yes folks, she is trying to find some positive spin on the recently released conservative Christian voters’ Value Summit straw poll in which she finished in fourth place behind Mike Huckabee (Hound), Mitt(wit) Romney and Tim (Good’n) Pawlenty.

In response to a recent request here is a Sarah Palin parody of Doris Day’s wonderful, Que Sera Sera

Here is a link to click upon in order to familiarize yourself with the tune: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZbKHDPPrrc

HEY SARAH, SARAH

(sung to the Doris Day song “Que Sera Sera”)

When she was just a little girl
She asked Ted Stevens, “What will I be?”
“Will I be Guv’nor?” “Will I be Prez?”
Here’s what he said to she.

Hey, Sarah, Sarah
Don’t be so silly, silly
Stop annoying me, dear me
Hey Sarah, Sarah
What will be, will be

When she was Gov she met McCain
She asked the Maverick, what lies ahead?
“How is your cancer?” “How old are you?”
I’ll be Prez when you’re dead.

Hey, Sarah, Sarah
Let’s not jump the gun, the gun
You know that we’ve not yet won
Hey, Sarah, Sarah
You’re no fun, no fun

Her campaign went down to defeat
Now she’s the G.O.P.’s biggest doormat
Well behind Romney, behind Gingrich
She shills for “Arctic Cat”

Hey, Sarah , Sarah
You’re so damned creepy, creepy
Your career’s finished, you see
Hey, Sarah, Sarah
It’s your destiny