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Sarah Palin: The Greatest American Zero


Palin dons her Halloween costume at book signing.

Sarah Palin’s ghost-written memoir, Going Rogue is not the only pro-Palin tome soon to be released. U.S. News and World Report has revealed that Weekly Standard writer, Matthew Continetti has just released his loving ode to the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska. Continetti’s book is titled, The Persecution Of Sarah Palin and attempts to explain why the media and feminists alike disdain the failed Republican Vice Presidential nominee. Then again, is an explanation really necessary? Isn’t it blatantly obvious that Palin is repulsive to the media because she hid from it during most of her camaign? Additionally, don’t feminists dislike her because of her anti-feminist stance on such issues as equal pay for equal work and for charging rape victims for rape kits? Continetti disagrees and has a different take on the root of the revulsion. here a few tasty quotes:

The left recoils at a certain swagger, a manner of speech, and a lack of cultural embarrassment that the two (she and George W. Bush) share. Neither Bush nor Palin mind the fact that they are not part of this country’s cognoscenti. But until Palin showed up, one could have written off the liberal reaction to Bush as simply anti-Texan bias. That wasn’t it, however. Palin proved that at its root the reaction to these folksy Western politicians is a form of anti-provincialism; revulsion toward people who do not aspire to adopt the norms, values, politics and attitudes of the Eastern cultural elite.

So let’s get this straight, Continetti believes that the press did not like Palin because she shared the same traits as George W. Bush regarding a lack of norms, values and attitudes of the Eastern cultural elite. But wasn’t Bush born in Connecticut, then schooled and boarded at the prestigious Phillips Andover Academy in Massachusetts before obtaining his undergraduate degree at Yale University (where he was a member of the uber-elite Skull and Bones Society) and then his masters degree at Harvard University? Geesh, that sure is a lot of Eastern cultural elitism for most Americans. Maybe what Continetti meant to say was that despite college degrees, both Palin and Bush are dumber than door nails.

Continetti also claims that liberal left-leaning feminists like actress Tina Fey are simply jealous of Sarah Palin. He writes:

Palin’s sudden global fame rankled those feminists whose own path to glory had been difficult. To them, Palin was less a female success story than she was the beneficiary of male chauvinism. It was telling that Fey should be the actress who impersonated Palin. The two women may look like each other, but they could not be more dissimilar. Each exemplifies a different category of feminism. Palin comes from the I-can-do-it-all school. She is professionally successful, has been married for more than 20 years, and has a large and (from all outward appearances) happy family. And while Fey is also pretty, married, and has a daughter, the characters she portrays in films like Mean Girls and Baby Mama, and in television shows like 30 Rock, are hard-pressed eggheads who give up personal fulfillment—e.g., marriage and motherhood—in the pursuit of professional success.

Okay, let’s dissect and analyze those words of wisdom. First he claims that Palin is professionally successful, but didn’t she lose her last election bid and didn’t she quit her last job? Is that professional success? Then he says that she has a large and happy family. Did Continetti miss the fact that Palin had an unwed pregnant teen daughter? How happy did that make the “abstinence only” clan? He also failed to mention that Palin and her grandchild’s father are in an escalating tit for tat feud. How joyous. Oh, and then there was that time when she tried to get her brother-in-law fired from his job as an Alaskan State Trooper after having allegedly tazored her nephew. What a funny laugh riot that was. Last but not least, he failed to mention Palin’s sister-in-law’s burglary arrest. Every happy family should have a felon after all. In Continetti’s world the Palins are the next coming of the Brady Bunch.

And what does the writer do next? He compares Tina Fey to Palin by begrudgingly admitting that Fey is a successful, happily married mother but then making the ridiculous argument that the characters she portrays on screen reflect her personal life more accurately. I wonder if he was making that same argument when Ronald Reagan was palling around with Bonzo? Really folks, if these are the best arguments that Continetti can come up with to convince us that Sarah Palin is a super hero, then the Weekly Standard should review his qualifications for employment.

Today’s song parody is derived from the theme of the 1980’s television sitcom, The Greatest American Hero. In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

The Greatest American Hero song link:


(sung to the TV Theme of Greatest American Hero)

Look at what’s happened to she,
She can’t believe it herself.
Once she was way up on top of the world,
It should have been somebody else.

Believe it or not,
Her head’s filled with air.
We don’t even care if she’s “mav-er-icky”,
Chatting away with her beehive styled hair
Who could it be?
We all know it’s just Sarah P.

She is in search of a pay-day,
Then she will dump the “First Dude”.
Meg doesn’t know if she’s out or she’s in,
SarahPAC has just found someone new.

Believe it or not,
She kills polar bears.
And she’s the queen of the G.O.P.,
But nobody in the rest of the world cares.
Who could it be?
We all know it’s just Sarah P.