Blog Archives

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 44

Just a few newsworthy events and comments thereon that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “The Dixie Dregs” features Zach Wamp (yes, that is a real name), one of the G.O.P. candidates for Governor of Tennessee. Like Texas’ crazy Rick Perry, Wamp would like Tennessee to secede from the United States of America. Wamp says, that mandates forced on the states by the Obama administration’s health care bill have put secession on the table. “I hope that the American people will go to the ballot box in 2010 and 2012 so that states are not forced to consider separation from this government.” Putting aside for the moment, the fact that secession is treason, just imagine the federal government benefit dependent state of Tennessee trying to govern itself autonomously with the likes of “Stonewall” Wamp at the helm.

THIS JUST IN: Disgraced Tea Party Express spokesman and former chairman Mark Williams has resigned his post. The National Tea Party Federation, an organization that seeks to represent the Tea Party political movement around the country, expelled Williams and his Tea Party Express organization because of a racist blog entry authored by Williams last week. This is just another example of truth trumping fiction because the NAACP’s call for the Tea Party to denounce (or as Sarah Palin would say, “refudiate”) the racist elements of its movement were fact based whereas FOX News’ allegations of Shirley Sherrod’s racism were fabricated. Consequently, Sherrod now has been cleared for return to her position while Williams is now unemployed.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Birth Of A Fiction” features Kansas Republican congressional candidate Tracey Mann. Twice in the span of 30 days, this crackpot called on President Obama to come forward with proof of his American citizenship. His status as a “Birther” however, has cost Mann’s campaign an important endorsement. As the result of Mann’s discredited view on the President’s citizenship, the Hutchinson News emphatically withdrew its endorsement of him.

The reason [for withdrawing the endorsement] is that it turns out Mann is what is known as a birther,” the newspaper’s editorial board wrote Wednesday night. “He questions the citizenship of President Barack Obama despite evidence that is irrefutable to most objective, rational people – including a birth certificate released by the Hawaii secretary of state and birth announcements printed in Honolulu’s two major newspapers.

So long Tracey Mann, we hardly knew ye.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “The Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World of Michele Bachmann” features none other than Michele Bachmann, the moonbat crazy Republican  from Minnesota. When U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann announced Wednesday the names of House members that had joined her House Tea Party Caucus, it left some congressmen scratching their heads. Many hadn’t actually signed up to be members, and the list put out by Bachmann was quickly removed from her website. The Frum Forum, a website by conservative commentator David Frum, contacted ‘members’ of the Tea Party Caucus, and many indicated they were surprised to know they had joined and others were under the impression that the list of members wouldn’t be released. Do I hear a tea kettle whistling or is that just the sound of Bachmann’s poor excuse for a brain boiling over?

BREAKING NEWS: Windycitywatch.com reports, “while the rest of America understands that Shirley Sherrod was the victim of an attempted media lynching THE VIEW’s Elisabeth Hasselbeck, most likely reading from a script provided by Sean Hannity, went on the attack. First she took issue with Sherrod stating her belief that some of the Republican opposition to Obama’s health care plan was racist, then she questioned whether or not she violated the Hatch Act. Sherrod wasn’t having it, at one point looking at her like she was a simple idiot before putting her in her place with a strong response.” The best part of the segment was when the audience loudly applauded each fact which contradicted the conservative Hasselbeck. Let’s go to the video…

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Despicable Me” features conservative pundit Ann “The Man” Coulter. He appeared on Sean Hannity’s program and defended Andrew Breitbart (the conservative blogger that posted the doctored video tape of Shriley Sherrod) by claiming that he was the victim of a scheme in which he was framed! Watch this…

Coulter is a racist apologist. This guy will do anything he can to defend Breitbart. In Coulter’s world, it was not Breitbart’s obligation to fact check his source or the doctored video before publishing it. Rather, he contends, only the source should be criticized. It is clear at this point that every time Coulter opens his mouth, he is being disingenuous.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along to the song parody.

I Wanna Be Sedated song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rxJroWIg1Y

ANN WANTS TO BE CASTRATED

(sung to the Ramones song “I Wanna Be Sedated”)

Twenty-twenty-twenty Mann-hours to go, Ann wants to be castrated
Nice new hairdo and nothing that show-o-ohs, his sex can be debated
Get Coulter to the airport and put him on a plane
Hurry, hurry, hurry the surgery’s in Spain
He only wants ten fingers and a woman’s brain
Oh no no no no no

Twenty-twenty-twenty Mann hours to go, Ann wants to be castrated
Nice new hairdo and nothing that show-o-ohs ,his sex can be debated
Just slather his legs with Nair then he’ll be a dame
Hurry, hurry, hurry before he goes insane
He looks a lot like Klinger isn’t that a shame?
Oh no no no no no

Twenty-twenty-twenty Mann-hours to go till his breasts are inflated
Get some new shoes, Ann’s ready to go-o-o, the change has been belated
Put Coulter in that wheelchair, let’s begin the show
Hurry, hurry, hurry before it starts to grow
He wants some girlie sneakers and new Ann Taylor clothes
Oh no no no no no

Twenty-twenty-twenty Mann hours to go, Ann wants to be castrated
Boobs that are new and sheer nylon hose, Ann wants to be castrated
Just put Ann in a wheelchair, let’s begin the show
Hurry, hurry, hurry he wants to be a ‘ho
Trinkets on his fingers and trinkets on his toes
Oh no no no no no

Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba Ann wants to be castrated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba Ann wants to be castrated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba Ann wants to be castrated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba Ann wants to be castrated

Tea Party Brews With Tea(ming) Dissent

Non-Racist Tea-Baggers

Tea Party Nation has circled the wagons and commenced firing. At itself! Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off believes that few things are more satisfying to behold than Tea-Baggers eating their young. Luckily for us, that is precisely what is happening regarding the Tea Party Express and the Tea Party Federation.

On Sunday, Blast-Off reported on Tea Party Express leader Mark Williams and his racist blog posting (it has now been deleted). Williams was so upset at the NAACP’s call for the Tea Party to denounce racism amongst its members, that he penned a letter allegedly from NAACP president Benjamin Jealous to the late President Abraham Lincoln and posted it in his blog. “Dear Mr. Lincoln,” the blog post read, “We [National Association for the Advancement of] Colored People have taken a vote and decided that we don’t cotton to that whole emancipation thing. Freedom means having to work for real, think for ourselves, and take consequences along with the rewards. That is just far too much to ask of us [National Association for the Advancement of] Colored People and we demand that it stop!” Williams made several modifications to his blog post after its initial posting, including removing references to bailouts as “big money welfare” that should handed “directly to us coloreds” and Tea Party demands for lower taxes preventing black Americans from getting “a wide-screen TV in every room.”

Not surprisingly, Williams’ racist blog posting infuriated a lot of people, liberal and conservative alike. Not expected however, was the declaration of civil war between factions within the Tea Party movement. The National Tea Party Federation, an organization that seeks to represent the Tea Party political movement around the country, has expelled Williams and his Tea Party Express organization because of the inflammatory blog. Federation spokesperson David Webb said on Sunday afternoon that the blog entry was “clearly offensive” and he added,

We, in the last 24 hours, have expelled Tea Party Express and Mark Williams from the National Tea Party Federation because of the letter that he wrote.

Yesterday, Joe Wierzbicki, coordinator for the Tea Party Express, issued the following statement in response to the Tea Party Federation’s disassociation with the Tea Party Express:

The Tea Party Express with over 400,000 members is by far larger than the Tea Party Federation’s entire membership. Most rank-and-file tea party activists think we’re talking about Star Trek when we try to explain who the “Federation” is. Given the absurdity of the actions by the “Federation,” this is quite fitting, since their conduct is alien to our membership.

Groups trying to say who can or can’t be ‘expelled’ from the tea party movement is arrogant and preposterous. Perhaps this explains why so many tea party groups have left the “Federation” during the past few months. Whatever the reason, most tea party activists are focused on taking back their country and the upcoming 2010 elections and not silly power games being played by individuals such as those in the “Federation.”

To add to the absurdity of the “Federation” they have also informed us that our members can’t participate in something called their “basecamp” communication network, which makes us think that the individuals involved in the “Federation” spend a bit too much time watching science fiction movies and cartoons. We here at the Tea Party Express prefer a focus that is more grounded in the Constitution and electing tea party conservatives to offices of import in these 2010 elections.

Oh, MEOW!!!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Tea For Two song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0zc7x434Aw

TEA PARTY FOR TWO

(sung to the Doris Day version of the song “Tea For Two”)

So funny
Wanna see insanity?
We have no clue, the Tea Party
Its she ‘gin you and you ‘gin me, Marone!
Please don’t get near us, if you do, you’ll fear us
Our friends and relations
Now want vaccinations
They won’t have it known, dear
That we are one of their own, dear.

Vows we’ll take to get a tax break
Spelling mistakes in signs we make
For you to take for Fox nation to see.
One Tea-Bagger family,
Just one branch is our family tree,
All because we inbreed frequently.

(We are few, we’re not many)
(Tea for two and two for tea)
(Me for you and you for me, alone)
(Everyone jeers us, they simply won’t hear us)
(We are a creation of the Fox News station)
(We’re all Glenn Beck clones, dear)
(Brains on loan from Fred Flintstone, dear)

Will day break and bring us awake?
Will we forsake all our mistakes?
Do we partake in more insanity?
We are one crazed family
And devoted fans of Hannity
Oh, can’t you see we hate democracy
(We hate democracy)

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 43

Just a few newsworthy events and comments thereon that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wondeful day.

BREAKING NEWS: Newly elected nudist Republican Senator Scott Brown of Massachusetts has pissed-off Tea-Baggers and Republicans nationwide once again by breaking with the G.O.P.  and siding with Democrats by voting in favor of the Financial Reform Bill. The Obama administration can now claim another important legislative victory and this time it can boast of bi-partisan support. Maine’s Republican Senators, Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins joined Brown in supporting the bill. Brown, Snowe and Collins defy their party and side with the Democrats so often on controversial legislation that it is only a matter of time before all three pull an Arlen Specter and switch parties.

THIS JUST IN: Senator David “Diapers” Vitter (R-LA) has stepped in it yet again. during an appearance on Rush Radio 99.5 in New Orleans Friday morning, During which the radio hosts joked about a high school photo of MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow, Vitter said that she only looked like a woman “a long time ago.” This childish remark follows almost immediately on the heels of Vitter’s statement last week which revealed him as a “Birther”. It was also revealed just a few weeks ago that after one of his staffers had pled guilty to attacking a woman with a knife, Vitter failed to terminate the staffer’s employment, and failed to even re-assign the man from his position as legislative assistant for women’s issues. Of course all of these blunders pale in comparison to the revelation a few years ago that Vitter solicited prostitutes while wearing baby diapers. In short, David Vitter is a train wreck.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Let’s call A Spade A Spade” features Tea Party Express spokesman, Mark Williams. Williams was so upset at the NAACP’s call for the Tea Party to denounce racism amongst its members, that he penned a letter allegedly from NAACP president Benjamin Jealous to the late President Abraham Lincoln and posted it in his blog (it has now been removed). “Dear Mr. Lincoln,” the blog post read, “We [National Association for the Advancement of] Colored People have taken a vote and decided that we don’t cotton to that whole emancipation thing. Freedom means having to work for real, think for ourselves, and take consequences along with the rewards. That is just far too much to ask of us [National Association for the Advancement of] Colored People and we demand that it stop!” Williams made several modifications to his blog post after its initial posting, including removing references to bailouts as “big money welfare” that should handed “directly to us coloreds” and Tea Party demands for lower taxes preventing black Americans from getting “a wide-screen TV in every room.” So much for the Tea Party’s claim that it does not condone racism.

THIS JUST IN: I just received my invitation to the Bristol Palin/Levi Johnston wedding. The theme of the wedding is “Shotgun”. The ceremony will be performed at Our Lady of the Blessed Travesty Church in Wasilla, Alaska with the reception to follow at Mama Bear’s Buffet (BYOB).

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “What the Beck Is He Talking About?” features none other than Fox News joke Glenn Beck. In a stunning revelation of the fact that the Bible thumping alcoholic knows absolutely nothing about Christianity, Beck said this on his show last week,

This is kind of complex, because Jesus did identify with the victims. But Jesus was not a victim. He was a conqueror…Jesus conquered death. He wasn’t victimized. He chose to give his life….If he was a victim, and this theology was true, then Jesus would’ve come back from the dead and made the Jews pay for what they did. That’s an abomination.

Would someone please remind the chancellor of Glenn Beck University that the Romans crucified Jesus and not the Jews.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Fool On The Hill song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KXrrh74wTs&feature=related

THE FOOL WHO KNOWS NIL

(sung to the Beatles song, “The Fool On The Hill”)

Day after day
He gives us a chill
Glenn Beck is crying again
Let’s watch his eyes start to fill

And nobody wants to know him
They can see that he’s just a fool
And he has not one good answer
Beck’s the fool who knows nil

Nita Dunn took him down
And Glenn’s face grew bright red
As his head spins around

Glenn’s head today,
Filled up with sound
Beck’s head hears a thousand voices
Screaming nonsense so loud

Everybody wants to jeer him
For the weeping that he does fake
Yet Glenn never seems to notice
Beck’s the fool who knows nil

He’s a dim-witted clown
In need of some strong meds
Beck’s off to crazy-town

(musical interlude)

And nobody seems to like him
It looks like he’s back on the booze
Or maybe he’s back drug dealing
Beck’s the fool who knows nil

He’s beginning to drown
And his sponsors have fled
Soon he’ll be not around

Oh, round, an’ round, an’ round, an’ round, an’ round
Nobody listens to him
They know that he’s a fool
They don’t like him
The fool who knows nil

He’s beginning to drown
And his sponsors have fled
Soon he’ll be not around

Oh, round, an’ round, an’ round, an’ round
Oh …

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 42

Just a few newsworthy events and comments thereon that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please chuckle a bit before enjoying Fathers’ Day.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “The Other Crazy Carolina” features North Carolina mountain man, Tim Peeler who claims to have encountered Bigfoot. Rather than describe the situation, let’s just go straight to the video, shall we…

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Republicans Living In A World Of Fiction” features Pat Buchanan. He not only defends “Brain Fartin’” Joe Barton’s apology to BP for having to cough up $20 Billion for an oil spill victims’ escrow fund, but likens Attorney General Eric Holder to the fictional Godfather enforcer Luca Brasi making “a deal they couldn’t refuse”. This is just the latest example of Republicans like Dick Cheney so often defending torture in the event of a 24 like ticking time bomb. What’s next, will Sarah Palin compare Barack Obama to the “Smoke Monster” from Lost?

BREAKING NEWS: Oops! We spoke too soon. This week’s second edition of “Republicans Living In A World Of Fiction” features conservative pundit Ann “The Man” Coulter. While appearing as a guest on the Fox network’s The O’Reilly Factor, the Coulter guy began comparing liberals to children who supposedly think that President Obama is either the tooth fairy or Santa Claus. Keep trying Coulter but you’ll never out-crazy Beck, Palin and Bachmann.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Republicans Doing The Flip Flop” features California Gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman. You might remember that during the primary, Whitman supported a no amnesty and zero tolerance posture towards illegal immigration in an effort to grab the conservative vote. However, now that she has secured the Republican spot, she must cater to the vast number of California Hispanics. Hence, she has released a campaign ad in which she portrays herself as “the Republican who opposed the Arizona (racist immigrant) law”. Nice try Meg. We are sure you will be embraced by the Spanish speaking community.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “You Can Run But You Can’t Hide” features Sarah Palin the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska. After months of requests from reporters, California State University, Stanislaus (rhymes with Santa Claus) on Friday agreed to allow members of the media to attend a fundraiser next week Palin. The unusually secretive reality tv host and fence builder will now be on public display for the world to ridicule. Just wondering, but will they be serving word salad at the event?

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Do As I Say, Not As I Do” features Florida’s Republican Gubernatorial candidate Marco “Polo” Rubio. You might recall that Rubio has been basing his campaign on fiscal conservatism and he repeatedly criticizes the Obama administration for spending money that it does not have. Well, a funny thing happened on the way to election day. Rubio is reportedly facing foreclosure on a Tallahassee home that he stopped making mortgage payments on last February. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Maybe Charlie Crist will rent him a room.

BREAKING NEWS: TPM/Muckraker gives us ” The 7 Dumbest Things BP Has Said About The Spill – - So Far.”

  1. “The Gulf of Mexico is a very big ocean. The amount of volume of oil and dispersant we are putting into it is tiny in relation to the total water volume.”
  2. “everything we can see at the moment suggests that the overall environmental impact of this will be very, very modest.”
  3. BP CEO Tony Hayward says, “Y’know, I’d like my life back,”
  4. BP Chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg told the Financial Times on May 25 — his first newspaper interview since the April 20 Deepwater Horizon explosion — that his company still has a future in the U.S. because BP is “big and important.”
  5. “The oil is on the surface,” Hayward said. “There aren’t any plumes.”
  6. BP COO Doug Suttles told the Associated Press on June 8 that the oil leak should slow to “a relative trickle” soon.
  7. “I care about the small people. I hear comments sometimes that large oil companies are greedy companies or don’t care, but that is not the case at BP. We care about the small people.”

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Tepid Tea” features Mark Williams. The conservative radio talk show host and prominent Tea Party activist is giving up his role as the chairman of the Tea Party Express. It seems that even this bigoted jack-ass can read the tea leaves and see that the Tea-Baggers are on the way out. The Tea Party will be remembered as a flash in the pan.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody which features the whole bunch of conservatives.

California Dreamin’ song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xN9r0bWe78

CONSERVATIVE DREAMIN’

(sung to the Mamas & The Papas song “California Dreamin’”)

All their shirts are brown
(All their shirts are brown)
And their hair is grey
(And their hair is grey)
Listen to them talk
(Listen to them talk)
As they loudly pray
(As they loudly pray)
Scandal is their norm
(Scandal is their norm)
They have one every day
(They have one every day)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
And politics of hate

Members of John Birch
Some won’t admit they’re gay
But when they get down on their knees
(Get down on their knees)
That’s when they like to play
(When they like to play)
These slimy creatures should be told
(Creatures should be told)
Membership’s gone away
(Members gone away)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has led them all astray

(musical interlude)

Glenn Beck is a clown
(Glenn Beck is a clown)
What does Limbaugh weigh?
(What does Limbaugh weigh?)
Palin cannot talk
(Palin cannot talk)
She’s no Tina Fey
(She’s no Tina Fey)
Somebody should tell her
(Somebody should tell her)
To just go away
(To just go away)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has become so cliché
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has lost all its cache´
(Conservative dreamin’)
Drives voters all away

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