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BREAKING NEWS: Nudist Teapublican Senator Scott Brown Was Buggered!

Scott Brown chuckles during his "60 Minutes" interview.

Sometimes you just have to wonder what inspires  people to reveal personal things. It was just over a year ago that the Tea Party claimed its first election victory at the federal level. In the special election to fill the late Ted Kennedy’s Massachusetts Senate seat, the Sarah Palin-endorsed Scott Brown upset the heavily favored Martha Coakley and a Republican was elected in that bluest of blue states for the first time in decades.

Brown immediately became the poster child for the defeat of the Democrats’ health care reform legislation (despite the fact that he voted in favor of the passage of the very same law while he was a Massachusetts state representative just 4 years earlier). He failed. The Democrats passed the health care reform law despite Brown’s so-called “41st vote” by means of utilizing the reconciliation procedure. Brown’s status continued to decline within conservative circles when he shunned appearing with Sarah Palin at her Boston Tea Party rally. Thereafter, he really started pissing-off the Tea Baggers when he began voting with Democrats on a job creation bill and the sweeping financial regulation package. Scott Brown’s star was fading in Republican circles.

No longer was Scott Brown one of the “go-to” guys for a Fox News soundbyte. All talk of a future Republican bid for President had ceased. The Republican Senate leadership even unceremoniously evicted him from Ted Kennedy’s cushy Capitol office space and banished him to a cubby-hole in a separate building. Jeesh, what does a former Tea Party star have to do to get some attention in the Beltway?

Let’s see. He could get involved in a sex scandal like fellow Republicans David Vitter, Larry Craig, Mark Sanford, Mark Foley or John Boehner (pronounced “boner”). But no, that would be too predictable and stale these days. Wait a minute, he could take the opposite approach. He could play the role of a victim of a sexual predator.

And voila! Scott Brown has just injected himself back into the public spotlight by revealing in an interview with CBS‘ “60 Minutes” that he was sexually abused at the age of 10. CNN reports today that he said,

“Fortunately, nothing was ever fully consummated so to speak. It was certainly, back then, very traumatic. “He [the perpetrator] said, ‘If you tell anybody, I’ll kill you. I’ll make sure nobody believes you,'”.That’s the biggest thing. When people find people like me at that young vulnerable age that are basically lost. The thing that they have over you is that that they make you believe no one will believe you.”

The Boston Globe reports that the perpetrator was a male camp counselor and some of the details will be provided in Brown’s autobiography which will be released on Monday. Brown said that the molestation took place on Cape Cod at a religious camp. He did not however, disclose the name of the camp in his book, or the denomination.

“I can remember how he looked, every inch of him: his long sandy, light brown hair; his long, full mustache; the beads he wore; the tie-dyed T-shirts and the cutoff jeans, which gave him the look of a hippie,” Brown writes in the book, “Against All Odds.”

The Boston Globe further reports, Brown said the abuse occurred when he went to the camp infirmary, not feeling well. The counselor followed him into the bathroom, according to Brown’s account.

“I was standing there with my pants down and he came right up next to me and asked me if I needed help, and then he reached out his hand,” Brown writes, continuing with a graphic description of the encounter.

In his book, Brown says the incident with the counselor was not the first time he faced a potential sex abuser. In an earlier episode Brown describes, when he was about 8 and living in Malden, MA, he befriended a 13-year old boy from the neighborhood. Late one winter afternoon, the friend approached Brown in the woods, threatened him with a knife, and commanded Brown to perform a sexual act, according to Brown’s account. Feeling desperate, Brown says, he hit the teenager in the face with a rock and ran away.

“To this day,” the senator writes, “I can still see the flash of that knife blade in the woods and the thirteen-year-old boy with his pants down.”

Brown claims that he had never revealed the attacks until this interview. You have to wonder if the episodes had any influence on his past nude modeling. Too bad “60 Minutes” did not enquire into that.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Centerfold song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqDjMZKf-wg&playnext=1&list=PL9B0677232540092C

SCOTT BROWN IS THE CENTERFOLD

(sung to the J. Geils Band song “Centerfold”)

C’mon !
Does he walk? Does he talk?
Is he G.O.P.?
Scott Brown’s a Men’s Room angel
Larry Craig would share his seat

His buns are white like snowflakes
No underwear to stain
He poses like a sweet angel
Naked but with no brain

This sad guy loves posing in those porno magazines
He’s like a nudist angel and he’s pimping out his teens

(CHORUS)
He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
That Scott Brown is the centerfold
Scott Brown is the centerfold

He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
Scott Brown is the centerfold

Nude behind his Senate desk
This girlie man should be in a dress
Can he see that Larry Craig
Is giving him the eye

He is naked but for shoes
Much too indecent for the news
You must wear clothes on TV
They told that Scott Brown guy

Wear diapers like Dave Vitter
They do not cover  much
Or simply wear a negligee
That would be a nice touch

(CHORUS)
He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
That Scott Brown is the centerfold
Scott Brown is the centerfold

He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
Scott Brown is the centerfold

(na, na, na, na, na, na…..)

It’s okay we understand
Scott’s nudity should not be banned
But while prancing on the Senate lawn
We wish he would keep his clothes on

Take his truck, Yes he will
He’ll take that truck and drive it
He says the cab has lots of room
For his ass and his private

He says that his bod’s really ripped
He loves it when his clothes are stripped
Oh, no, Scott can’t deny it
Oh yeah, it’s time for him to diet!

(CHORUS)
He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
That Scott Brown is the centerfold
Scott Brown is the centerfold

He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
Scott Brown is the centerfold

(REPEAT)

Glenn Beck And Child Pornography? Who Knew?

Watching Glenn Beck’s mental stability deteriorate before our very eyes is like viewing the aftermath of a terrible car accident. It is disgusting and revolting yet somehow simultaneously compelling. The gore and stench is vomit-inducing, yet we continue to bear with it so that we can viscerally experience the full ugly scene. Nevertheless, when the carnage and debris is finally carted away, the spectacle is quickly forgotten and we resume our daily lives. Let’s hope that is the way that the Glenn Beck meltdown plays out. It will be best for America if Glenn Beck is remembered as a momentary disaster from which most of us emerged unscathed.

Fox News should someday be embarrassed by the fact that it marketed Glenn Beck as a serious voice in the realm of political discourse. This raving, crying man-baby should never have been offered the opportunity to broadcast his uber-conservative conspiracy theories to the nationwide masses without prefacing each show with one of those “The views and opinions of Glenn Beck should in no way be considered as representative of those of a sane person” disclaimers. After all, his college career lasted all of one course. Not one year or one semester mind you, ONE COURSE. If that were not enough to disqualify him from being considered a qualified news source, consider his multiple marriages and confessed drug and alcohol addiction as an indication of his lack of self control and commitment. Beck is also the guy who went on national television and reported that President Obama has “a deep-seated hatred for white people.” He is clearly unhinged and the “hatred for white people” comment initiated a massive and continuing advertiser boycott of his program.

During the last week, Beck’s witch-hunt has been directed at billionaire George Soros, the straw-man demon of all conservatives. Soros of course, is the Jewish Holocaust survivor,  businessman and notable philanthropist focused on supporting liberal ideals and causes. He played a significant role in the peaceful transition from communism to capitalism in Hungary and provided Europe’s largest-ever higher education endowment to Central European University in Budapest. In the United States, he is known for donating large sums of money in an effort to defeat President George W. Bush’s bid for re-election in 2004. He was an initial donor to the Center for American Progress, and he continues to support the organization through the Open Society Foundations. He contributes to such fact-checking and political myth debunking entities as MoveOn.org and MediaMatters.org.

By virtue of his philanthropy and liberal agenda, George Soros is considered a dangerous enemy by Fox News as a whole and Glenn Beck in particular. So how does Beck counter Soros? Easy, he does it by lying and twisting the laws of physics in such a way that he labels the Jewish Holocaust survivor as an anti-semitic Holocaust collaborator. Beck went so far as to suggest that Soros helped “send the Jews” to “death camps” during the Holocaust. Beck said that Soros had “to go and confiscate the property of your fellow Jews” during the Holocaust.

Becks blatantly false accusations against Soros led to widespread condemnation from prominent Jewish leaders and Holocaust survivors. Anti-Defamation League national director Abraham H. Foxman called the comments “completely inappropriate, offensive and over the top,” as well as “unacceptable” and “horrific.” Elan Steinberg, vice president of the the American Gathering of Jewish Holocaust Survivors and Their Descendants, called the Beck accusations “monstrous.” And Simon Greer, president of the Jewish Funds for Justice, said that Beck had “deliberately and grotesquely mischaracterize[d]” Soros’ experience and engaged in “a form of Holocaust revisionism.”

Truth be told, Soros was thirteen years old in March 1944 when Nazi Germany occupied Hungary. Soros worked for the Jewish Council, which had been established during the Nazi occupation of Hungary to forcibly carry out Nazi and Hungarian government anti-Jewish measures. Soros later described this time to writer Michael Lewis:

The Jewish Council asked the little kids to hand out the deportation notices. I was told to go to the Jewish Council. And there I was given these small slips of paper…It said report to the rabbi seminary at 9 a.m….And I was given this list of names. I took this piece of paper to my father. He instantly recognized it. This was a list of Hungarian Jewish lawyers. He said, “You deliver the slips of paper and tell the people that if they report they will be deported.”

In 1944, at age 14, Soros lived with and posed as the godson of an employee of the Hungarian Ministry of Agriculture. On one occasion, the official was ordered to inventory the remaining contents of the estate of a wealthy Jewish family that had fled the country. Rather than leave the young George alone in the city, the official brought him along. Soros was merely a young boy attempting to stay alive by hiding his identity. He never confiscated any property. He was merely a bystander on that one occasion.

When Glenn Beck finally realized what a firestorm of contempt he had ignited with his false accusations, he immediately went on the defensive. He concocted a brand new fictitious conspiracy in which he claims that he will be falsely accused of something of which he is not guilty (or is he?) as a means of liberal revenge. He said this on his radio program:

“I thought about this morning as I was saying my prayers this morning, and I was reading Psalms, I thought to myself, ‘I’m glad my children will always know the truth.’ And I thought of all the things they could possibly say—the greatest thing I have going for me is I have no lies in my life. I don’t have lies in my life. I— I— I—I—I’m—I pay my income tax. I—I—I pay my bills. I’m honest in all of my business dealings. I try to be a good guy. I’m not always a good guy. I try to be a good guy. I try to be a good parent. I—I don’t drink; I don’t take drugs. I—uhh—you know—I’m not—I’m not into ch—I’m not even into—I was going to say I’m not into child pornography. I’m not only not into child pornography, I’m not into pornography. So, no matter what you read about me—no matter what you read about me, umm, in the coming months, or whenever, that’s fine. I really—I mean—I can’t imagine what they’re gonna—but they have to say something. There has to be something fabricated about me. Has to be! You just can’t let this juggernaut go as we’re changing everything because I’m rolling dude heavy.”

Hey Glenn, just because you are paranoid does not mean that they are not out to get you! But jeesh, child pornography? What’s up with that? Sounds to us like maybe you are already setting up some sort of alibi. Why is it that with ultra-conservatives it always comes down to some sort of illicit sex scandal? You know, like “Diaper” Dave Vitter and his prostitutes, Larry “Loo” Craig and his foot tapping men’s room escapade, Mark Sanford “and Son” and his South of the Border soirees and Sarah Palin and her sex-targeted children just to name a few? But child pornography, Glenn? How low can you go?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Fool On The Hill song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KXrrh74wTs&feature=related

THE FOOL WHO KNOWS NIL

(sung to the Beatles song, “The Fool On The Hill”)

Day after day
He gives us a chill
Glenn Beck is crying again
Let’s watch his eyes start to fill

And nobody wants to know him
They can see that he’s just a fool
And he has not one good answer
Beck’s the fool who knows nil

George Soros stares him down
And Glenn’s face grows bright red
As his head spins around

Glenn’s head today,
Filled up with sound
Beck’s head hears a thousand voices
Screaming nonsense so loud

Everybody wants to jeer him
For the weeping that he does fake
Yet Glenn never seems to notice
Beck’s the fool who knows nil

He’s a dim-witted clown
In need of some strong meds
Beck’s off to crazy-town

(musical interlude)

And nobody seems to like him
It looks like he’s back on the booze
Or maybe he’s back drug dealing
Beck’s the fool who knows nil

He’s beginning to drown
And his sponsors have fled
Soon he’ll be not around

Oh, round, an’ round, an’ round, an’ round, an’ round
Nobody listens to him
They know that he’s a fool
They don’t like him
The fool who knows nil

He’s beginning to drown
And his sponsors have fled
Soon he’ll be not around

Oh, round, an’ round, an’ round, an’ round
Oh …

Sarah Palin, The Alleged Philanderer Endorses Nikki Haley, The Alleged Philanderer

My goodness, things just keep getting crazier and crazier regarding Alaska’s former ex-quitting Governor. In the last month alone, Sarah Palin has split with her own Republican Party by means of endorsing two G.O.P. disfavored Tea-Bagger candidates, one of whom has been exposed as a raving racist. She embarressed herself on Fox News’ Hannity program by showing that she had no idea who the candidates were in last week’s Pennsylvania elections. Ms. “Drill Baby, Drill” then made a fool of herself by alleging that it is the Democrats and not the Republicans that are in bed with Big Oil. And now she has endorsed a candidate that has allegedly been involved (like herself) in an adulterous affair. Sarah Palin is now officially as mainstream as a three dollar bill.

The educationally challenged Palin has endorsed Republican Nikki Haley in the South Carolina gubernatorial race. Problem is, Haley has been accused by a certain Will Folks of having had “an inappropriate physical relationship” with him. This is particularly humorous when one remembers that South Carolina’s present disgraced Governor, Republican Mark Sanford also had an illicit extra-marital affair. It also begs the question as to whether any Republican, either male or female, can keep their pants on long enough to serve a full term in office.

Of the endorsement, Palin posted this on her Facebook page:

When Nikki and I held her endorsement rally on the steps of the beautiful and historic South Carolina state house last month, I warned her and her family that she would be targeted because she’s a threat to a corrupt political machine, and she would be put through some hell. [D]on’t let some blogger make any accusation against your Nikki if the guy doesn’t even have the guts or the integrity to speak further on such a significant claim.

Hot on the heel of this week’s other revelation that Indiana Congressman Mark Souder has had to resign his seat as the result of an adulterous affair, let’s have a look at all those other philandering Republicans of late. Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford, Paul Stanley, Mike Duvall, Mark Souder… and now Nikki Haley.

Is it just me or does anyone else feel the need to take a shower after shaking the hand of a Republican?

Please be sure to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Brandy (You’re A Fine Girl) song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-tRXewCAmU

SARAH (YOU’RE A FINE GIRL)

(sung to the Looking Glass song “Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl)”)

(doo da in doo da da), (doo da in doo da da)

There’s a town not far from Bristol Bay
With strip malls, both near and far away
Lonely oil guys go the Wasilla way
And live in motor homes

And there’s a girl in this forlorn town
One time, she wore a pageant crown
They say “Sarah, please put that gun down”
She knows she’s just a punch-line

The oil guys say “Sarah, you’re a fine girl” (you’re a fine girl)
“What a good Prez you would be” (such a fine girl)
“Not here, but maybe somewhere overseas”
(doo da in doo da da), (doo da in doo da da)

Sarah, sports a beehive mane
And some rimless glasses but she has no brain
A locket that bears the name
Of the man that Sarah loves

He came on a winter’s day
On board his gas-powered sleigh
What he saw in her, Todd couldn’t say
Cuz he was drunk since he left home

The First Dude said “Sarah, you’re a fine girl” (you’re a fine girl)
“What a good wife you would be” (such a fine girl)
But it’s booze, snow-machining and pornos for me
(doo da in doo da da), (doo da in doo da da)

But Sarah looked into his eyes
And she took an inventory
She could feel something on him rise
Then she saw his morning glory
She said “To hell with abstinence!”, Lord, she jumped on that sad-sack
And before she could say “Stop!”, she had Track.
(doo da in doo da da), (doo da in doo da da)

Todd, had a loaded pistol
Sarah gave birth to a daughter,  Bristol
She too had an ac-ci-den-tal
And now you hear her say…

You hear her say “Mama, you’re a fine girl” (you’re a fine girl)
“Two peas in a pod aren’t we” (such a fine girl)
“But Ya Betcha we have a screwed-up family”
(doo da in doo da da), (doo da in doo da da)

“Sarah, you’re a fine girl” (you’re a fine girl)
[FADE]

“What a good Prez you would be” (such a fine girl)
“No not here, but maybe somewhere overseas”

Monday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 38

Just a few noteworthy news satellites that have been careening around the blogosphere this week…

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Did Somebody Actually Vote For This Guy?” features Tea-Bagger favorite Rand Paul who won the Kentucky Republican Senate primary election last Tuesday. After his victory, not only did we learn that he is a racist that would like it to be legal for private businesses to discriminate, but then he defended BP and called President Obama “un-American” for his tough stance against the oil spill culprit. Let’s get this straight, it is un-American to hold a British foreign corporation liable for causing potentially the most devastating environmental disaster in US history and then trying to shift the blame elsewhere? Heck, then it must have been really, really, really un-American for the founding fathers to declare war on those same British merely for taxing our tea bags!

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Don’t let The Facts Get In The Way of A Good Story” features the “Turd Blossom” himself. Karl Rove, former President George Bush’s top adviser, while hawking his new book this week, declared that Bush “never allowed” staffers to call their opposition “disparaging labels,” or “question their motives“. His words…

President Bush, for example, never allowed a White House staffer or administration spokesman to go out and do what this administration and our predecessor routinely did — that is to engage in calling the leaders of the opposition party disparaging labels and question their motives.

Oh really Karl? How about in your 2007 speech when you directly challenged the “motives” of your political opponents when you implied that Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL) intentionally used rhetoric that would endanger American soldiers? You said,

Let me just put this in fairly simple terms: Al Jazeera now broadcasts the words of Senator Durbin to the mideast, certainly putting our troops in greater danger. No more needs to be said about the motives of liberals.

Or how about when you questioned the patriotism of candidate Barack Obama for not wearing a flag pin when neither were you? Rove, you are a putz!

BREAKING NEWS: The good news of the week is that the Gulf Oil spill may be only 19 times greater than what BP originally told us.

THIS JUST IN: When moonbat crazy Republican Senator Michele Bachmann of Minnesota says, “No New Taxes” she means it. It was revealed this week that Bachmann “The Birther” has neglected to pay the property taxes owed on her million dollar home.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Your MySpace Page Said What?” features former Rand Paul campaign spokesperson Chris Hightower who’s MySpace page in 2008 said “Happy Nig_ _ r Day!!!” and featured a photo of a hanging man. Don’t believe me?

‘Nuff said about Rand Paul and friends.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Meet The Press” features Tea-Party darling and Republican nominee for Kentucky’s US Senate seat, Rand Paul. Oops, wait a second…what’s that? Rand Paul has just canceled his scheduled appearance on Meet The Press this morning? Why would he do that? Isn’t this the honeymoon period after his election victory on Tuesday?

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Oops, I Did It Again” features Indiana’s conservative Congressman Mark Souder who resigned this week after it was revealed that he has been carrying on an extramarital affair with a staff member. We thought that type of behavior was mandatory to be a member of the Republican Party. Let’s look at our ever growing list of philandering Republicans:

Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford, Paul Stanley, Mike Duvall and now…Mark Souder.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Addams Family television theme  song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVRX_5tGOlo&feature=related

THE HORNY G.O.P.

(sung to the television theme song “The Addams Family”)

They’re creepy and they’re horny
Their dialect is corny
Morality is phony
The shady G.O.P.

If you’re in a museum
It’s real easy to see ‘em
With pants down to their knees’m
The dodgy G.O.P.

(Cheat)
(Beat)
(Their meat)

They always get their ball on
And that’s the sword they fall on
Another gal to crawl on
The horny G.O.P.


Today Is Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off’s First Birthday!!!

What began as a fun little pastime has blossomed into a year’s worth of blogging. In December of 2008 yours truly was recovering from knee surgery and as a means to fight the boredom of the passive motion machine, I  started perusing the comment sections of various blogs that I happened upon. Soon thereafter, I too began leaving comments of a political nature. Then, to have some fun, I began to post a few political song parodies based upon 1960’s and 1970’s television theme songs. Eventually I began to spend most of my time on a blog known as The Mudflats because I enjoyed the numerous posts about Sarah Palin.

By the early Spring  my comments were solely of the musical kind. To be honest however, my frequent postings seemed to annoy a number of The Mudflats‘ readers who desired more prose than poems. At that point the Mudflats‘ administrator suggested that I start a blog of my own (probably to get rid of me). The idea sounded great but impossible for this computer challenged scribe. I did not even know what the word blog meant (by the way, I still don’t). Thankfully, the friendly neighborhood Mudflats administrator held my hand and walked me through the process of creating what you are reading today. I remain forever thankful.

Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off debuted on May 13, 2009. Nobody noticed. Little by little however, the readership increased. the increasing traffic encouraged me to carry on. The task was made easier by Sarah Palin’s ever escalating shenanigans over last Summer and Fall. Palin and her crazy family were simply spoon-feeding material to comment upon. In fact, she provided so much material that I ran out of television theme songs. Consequently, I was forced to venture into the world of popular music for the song parodies. Although the pop music world seemed to unveil a limitless number of songs it also made the task of parody more difficult. You see, pop songs are a lot longer and have way more lyrics than television theme songs. Somehow we persevered and here we are today celebrating our first birthday.

I thank each and every one of you for stopping by over the last 12 months. I would especially like to thank those that leave a comment now and again. Those comments provide a sense of worthiness as well as new material for later posts. Once again, I thank all of you.

Today’s song parody is autobiographical in nature and explains the purpose of this blog.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

I Write The Songs song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-fev20voMc

I WRITE THE SONGS

(sung to the Barry Manilow song “I Write The Songs”)

I sling the jive whenever,
I sit down and scribble a song
I put the words and Republicans together
I love music,
And I love these songs

I write the songs that I hope you folks sing
I write the songs to dethrone G.O.P. kings
I write the songs that expose all their lies
I write the songs, I write the songs

I’m from a state that’s deep blue,
And we make a damned good lobster roll
No, there aren’t many right wing guys
There’s some but then, all of them are very old

I write the songs that attack the right wing
I write the songs that I hope linger and sting
I write the songs that prompt Glenn Beck to cry
I write the songs, I write the songs

Oh, I’ll take a hostile stance
When Limbaugh begins to rave and rant
And I’ll lead you to a poll, he can’t disprove
Palin has no heart,
So, I will tear her life apart
Hannity, Coulter too,
Also, too, O’Reilly
None of them can hide from me !!!

I write the songs about Mark Sanford’s flings
I write the songs about Larry Craig’s stings
I write the songs about Mark Foley’s guys
I write the songs, I write the songs

I write the songs about Joe Wilson’s slings
I write the songs of Vitter’s diapery things
I write the songs about all of those guys
I write the songs, I write the songs

I love music, so I write these songs


Michael Steele Takes His Seat At The Back Of The G.O.P. Bus

It now appears that the Republican Party/Michael Steele mixed marriage is officially on the rocks. Just wondering, but was it the Massachusetts Gay Marriage Law that threatened the sanctity of their nuptials? Not this time, according to the parties in question.

High ranking G.O.P. members and donors are upset at Steele because he has once again tarnished the image of the “family values” political party. After it was revealed last week that the Republican National Committee funded some ribald revelry which took place at a lesbian/bondage/strip-club known as Voyeur West Hollywood, the G.O.P. needed a scapegoat to take the blame for their bad behavior. Who better than RNC Chairman Michael Steele?

After all, wasn’t Steele also the guy that responded to a citizen speaking at a town hall meeting about how her mother died as the result of not being able to afford chemotherapy, by telling her that her histrionics were sure to land her a spot on local television that night and that she should enjoy her moment in the spotlight? Wasn’t Steele also the guy that lied by saying that during a debate, he was pelted with Oreo cookies as a symbol that he was “Black on the outside but White on the inside”? All good reasons for disliking Steele mind you, but isn’t the true reason why Republicans dislike him, the fact that they put a Black person in charge of the party to lure more African Americans and not only did that mission fail, but during Steele’s reign the G.O.P. was resoundingly voted out of the White House and out of majority status in both houses of Congress? This lesbian/bondage thing is just the icing on the cake.

Michael Steele however, has also fallen out of love with the Republican Party. He now deems the Party of Lincoln to be racist. Yesterday on ABC’s Good Morning America, he said that he was being singled out by his party because he is black. When asked by the host if he has a slimmer margin of error because he is African American, Steele responded:

The honest answer is, ‘yes’, Barack Obama has a slimmer margin. A lot of folks do. It’s a different role for me to play and others to play and that’s just the reality of it. But you take that as part of the nature of it. My view on politics is much more grassroots oriented, it’s not old boy network oriented, so I tend to, you know, come at it a little bit stronger, a little bit more street-wise, if you will. That’s rubbed some feathers the wrong way.

It looks like the G.O.P./Steele marriage may soon be divorced as the result of some irreconcilable differences.

As for the Democratic Party response to the Republican public airing of the family laundry, White House Spokesman Robert Gibbs said,

I think Michael Steele’s problem isn’t the race card, it’s the credit card.

Let’s face it, any day that you can mention the Republican Party and lesbian/bondage/strip-clubs in the same sentence, is a good day for the Democrats. Ahh, Michael we hardly knew ye!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

It’s My Party song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsYJyVEUaC4

IT’S OUR REPUBLICAN PARTY

(sung to the Lesley Gore song “It’s My Party”)

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Nobody knows where Mitt Romney has gone
Delay had to resign
McCain was one we can’t stand
The rest just wallow in slime

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Naughty Mark Sanford’s romancin’ tonight
Michele Bachmann’s spewin’ bile
We don’t like Mike Huckabee
He talks just like Gomer Pyle

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

(musical interlude)

Aw, Sarah Palin behaves just like a whore
She’s a mean ding-a-ling
Jindal should open his eyes
He’ll never be our king

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do


Oh, It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Oh, It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to

Rush, We Hardly Knew Ye’

Limbaugh can see Costa Rica from his house

As you all know, Rush Limbaugh promised to leave the United States and move to Costa Rica if the Health Care Reform bill became law. This is how he made the announcement on-air and in his own words:

I’ll just tell you this, if this passes and it’s five years from now and all that stuff gets implemented-I am leaving the country. I’ll go to Costa Rica.

Umm Rush, we have some news for you. You might want to start packing. Please remember to bring lots of sunscreen because we wouldn’t want that little unprotected pea-sized brain of yours to shrivel from the heat. Oh, and if you have already used all that Viagra that you smuggled back into the States from the Dominican Republic, don’t worry, Costa Rica has socialized health care and price constraints on prescription drugs. You’ll save a bundle. The “Excellence In Bloviating” network might however, want to consider hiring a Spanish translator if possible.

Just wondering, but will you still be going by the moniker “El Rushbo” or something new? Perhaps “The Freakin’ Costa Rican” or “The Jerk Without A Country”? Maybe Sarah Palin can go there with you as a radio co-host. The show could be called “Limbo And The Bimbo”. The possibilities are endless. We don’t mean to be nasty, Rush. Believe us, when we tell you that we wish you all the luck in the world down in your new Central American home. We wouldn’t want you to change your mind and come back here, after all.

To all you dear fellow Rocketeers, I must admit that I have been waiting for the chance to show my age by writing a song parody from the 1970’s television show The Partridge Family. For those of you that are too young to remember, the hokey sitcom was about a single mother and her five children that formed a band in order to raise some money to make ends meet. They toured in an old bus that they custom painted and of course, they found all kinds of funny situations. It actually looked a lot like the buses that the crazy Tea-Baggers travel in these days. (see photo below) The show was sort of a poor man’s Brady Bunch but it was just as popular to us young teenagers during its short broadcast lifespan.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Point Me In The Direction Of Albequerque song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38XsRcDmTFc

POINT ME IN THE DIRECTION OF COSTA RICA

(sung to the Partridge Family song “Point Me In The Direction Of Albuquerque”)

Limbaugh’s leaving town now, we all hope for good
With the passage of health reform, he must now leave the hood
We all heard his soundbyte that he cannot deny
When he leaves our country will he even wave goodbye?

Brainless little ragdoll, once again he has lost
He said he would flee the country, Rushbo did not mind the cost
He said it on the airwaves where everyone could hear
The passage of health reform was something Rush could not bear

Point Rush in the direction of Costa Rica
He wants a new home, to rest his bald dome
Point Rush in the direction of Costa Rica
But he’ll be unknown, in his new home

Maybe he’ll borrow Palin’s book-tour bus to cross that border-line
Or maybe Mark Sanford’s mini-bus
But anyone that helps him leave is a real good friend of mine
(Real good friend of mine)

Point Rush in the direction of Costa Rica
He wants a new home, to rest his old bones

Rush will leave the station he’s broadcast from for years
Leaving us so happy we can’t hold back the tears
Faster than a greyhound running away in fright
Head against the window as his bus rolls out of sight

Point Rush in the direction of Costa Rica
He wants a new home, to rest his bald dome
Point Rush in the direction of Costa Rica
But he’ll be unknown, in his new home

Point Rush in the direction of Costa Rica
He wants a new home, to rest his old bones

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 30

Just a few newsworthy meteorites that have come careening through the atmosphere this week…

BREAKING NEWS: A Massachusetts politician has once again become a flashpoint in the health care reform debate. Surprisingly it is not the nudist Republican Senator Scott Brown. This time it is House Democrat Stephen Lynch. He has declared that he will vote “no” on the health care reform bill. In doing so, he will be the only one of ten Massachusetts Representatives that will not vote for passage of the bill. Consequently, he has just become the darling of Boston’s conservative talk radio pundits. He has been an invited guest on most all of their shows this week and the hosts are simply giddy that a Massachusetts Democrat is joining all Republicans in rejecting the bill. Lynch has become such a fan favorite of the conservatives that they are urging him to run for the Senate against longtime incumbent John Kerry. The right wing talk jocks are touting a potential conservative revolution in the bluest of blue states. Problem is, the Boston radio hosts have missed Lynch’s point entirely. Lynch is voting “no” because he does not believe that the bill is LIBERAL enough. He opposes the present bill because it lacks a public option as well as a repeal of the anti-trust exemption for the health insurance companies. If Lynch decides to run for the Senate in 2012 it will not be a race against John Kerry. He will run against the newly elected clothing challenged Republican Scott Brown.

THIS JUST IN: Kudos to Florida’s Democratic Representative Alcee Hastings for telling it like it is. On Saturday he told Republicans, “You all in the minority continue to say what the American people think. You don’t know what all of the American people think. And you certainly don’t know what those in my constituency think.Let ’em have it Alcee.

BREAKING NEWS: If you want to witness the stupidity of the Tea-Baggers, watch this.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Fox News Phonies Behaving Badly” features Sean Hannity. To add insult to injury, Hannity has been outed by a right wing blogger. Last Thursday Debbie Schlussel posted an article on her blog that reveals that Sean Hannity’s charities which were intended to benefit injured soldiers and their children have actually benefited Hannity and his family to a far larger degree. The article states:

For the last several years, Sean Hannity and the Freedom Alliance “charity” have conducted “Freedom Concerts” across America. They’ve told you that they are raising money to pay for the college tuition of the children of fallen soldiers and to pay severely wounded war vets. In fact, less than 20%–and in two recent years, less than 7% and 4%, respectively–of the money raised by Freedom Alliance went to these causes, while millions of dollars went to expenses, including consultants and apparently to ferry the Hannity posse of family and friends in high style. And, despite Hannity’s statements to the contrary on his nationally syndicated radio show, few of the children of fallen soldiers got more than $1,000-$2,000, with apparently none getting more than $6,000, while Freedom Alliance appears to have spent tens of thousands of dollars for private planes.  Moreover, despite written assurances to donors that all money raised would go directly to scholarships for kids of the fallen heroes and not to expenses, has begun charging expenses of nearly $500,000 to give out just over $800,000 in scholarships.

For the text of the full article, click here http://www.debbieschlussel.com/6938/sean-hannitys-freedom-concert-scam-only-7-of-charitys-money-went-to-injured-troops-kids-of-fallen-troops-g5s-g6s-for-vannity/

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Republicans Using Taxpayer Money For Their Personal Benefit” features South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. The Washington Post reports that the wife cheating one time G.O.P. presidential hopeful,

has agreed to pay $74,000 in fines to resolve dozens of charges that he violated state ethics laws with his campaign spending and travel, including a taxpayer-funded rendezvous with his Argentine mistress

Just another example of Republican pols profiting from the stupidity of their supporters.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “The Biggest Republican Loser” features the former ex-quitting Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin. It appears that the poorly educated Palin will star in a cable television reality series tentatively titled, Sarah Palin’s Alaska. She is seeking payment in the amount of One Million to One and a Half Million Dollars per episode. Each week Palin will make surprise visits to places in Alaska where she has never been like the Governor’s Mansion and Juneau.

On a more serious note, please cross your fingers for the passage of the Health Care Reform Bill today in the House of Representatives.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Dear Mr. Fantasy song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxVlN-LzIks

DEAR, MR. HANNITY

(sung to the Traffic song “Dear, Mr. Fantasy”)

Dear, Mr. Hannity you are a goon
Some even say you are daffy
Your nightly show is just like a cartoon
Hit that bong, chug that jar
Getting happy
You are the one that just makes us all laugh
Unlike Glenn Beck, you don’t go to tears
You should be sad that you do not have your gonads
You could face waterboarding fears

Oooo Ahhhhh
Oooo Ahhhhh
Oooo Ahhhhh
Oooo Ahhhhh Ahhhhh

Dear Mr. Hannity you’re no Brit Hume
Although, he too is unhappy
Insanity prevails throughout Fox News
Always wrong, that you are
Oh so crappy
Yeah, yeah

(musical interlude)

Dear Mr. Hannity  go back to your room
That would just make us all happy
Do anything, take us out of our gloom
Sing a song, play guitar
Make it snappy
We all just watch you to have a good laugh
We haven’t laughed so hard in ten years
You are one sad excuse for a real college grad
Just like all of your poor Fox News peers

Scott Brown: The Senator Wears No Clothes (Updated)

Scott Brown (R-MA) posing for his Senate composite photo.

As we have noted many times in the past, the Republican Party is the gift that keeps on giving. For year’s we have had fun pointing out the hypocricy of those members of the “Party of Family Values” that have engaged in extramarital affairs with members of both sexes. Here are some of our favorites: Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign,  Mark Sanford, Paul Stanley and Mike Duvall. Yet that is only one category of Republican that is joke-worthy.

We also have those Republicans that are just simply uneducated, weak minded, possibly insane, lightweight, frivolous fools. These are the people that give us a belly laugh every time they open their mouths or appear in public. Examples that come to mind are George W. Bush and Michele Bachmann. Of course the undisputed queen bee of this category is Sarah Palin. Ever since the day she emerged from the wilds of Alaska like a “Mama Bear” awaking from hibernation, Palin has entertained us with a form of incoherent public speaking that is second only to that of Borat. She makes Edith Bunker sound like Jane Austen. In short, Sarah Palin becomes the subject of ridicule every time she “rears her head over Alaska” or anyplace else for that matter. Here’s to Sarah Palin! Long live the Queen!

Yet, our friends over at the G.O.P. have just done us another solid. May we introduce newly elected Republican senator Scott Brown of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Although this clown is smarter than Sarah Palin (a law school graduate), his personal life measures up quite nicely to that of the Wasilla hillbilly. In fact, he is the male version of Sarah Palin. She was a beauty pageant failure. He posed nude for a centerfold (see above). She paid little attention to her children as they quit school and were impregnated. He pimped out his daughters at his election party and posed with them in their teeny-weeny bikinis while he eerily smiled (see below). She was cited for a fishing violation. He was sentenced for shoplifting. Thank goodness for us that every ying has its yang.

In Scott Brown we have the very definition of an “empty suit”. And empty shoes. And empty trousers. And empty boxers and…

UPDATE

Commenter linmac reminded us of this sort of creepy music video from the 1980’s which stars Scott Brown’s wife. Jeesh, the squeezing of the tube is rather suggestive. Those Brown kids have a lot to be proud of with regard to their parents.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Centerfold song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNhnThb8gEw

SCOTT BROWN IS THE CENTERFOLD

(sung to the J. Geils Band song “Centerfold”)

C’mon !
Does he walk? Does he talk?
Is he G.O.P.?
Scott Brown’s a Men’s Room angel
Larry Craig would share his seat

His buns are white like snowflakes
No underwear to stain
He poses like a sweet angel
Naked but with no brain

This sad guy loves posing in those porno magazines
He’s like a nudist angel and he’s pimping out his teens

(CHORUS)
He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
That Scott Brown is the centerfold
Scott Brown is the centerfold

He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
Scott Brown is the centerfold

Nude behind his Senate desk
This girlie man should be in a dress
Can he see that Larry Craig
Is giving him the eye

He is naked but for shoes
Much too indecent for the news
You must wear clothes on TV
They told that Scott Brown guy

Wear diapers like Dave Vitter
They do not cover  much
Or simply wear a negligee
That would be a nice touch

(CHORUS)
He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
That Scott Brown is the centerfold
Scott Brown is the centerfold

He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
Scott Brown is the centerfold

(na, na, na, na, na, na…..)

It’s okay we understand
Scott’s nudity should not be banned
But while prancing on the Senate lawn
We wish he would keep his clothes on

Take his truck, Yes he will
He’ll take that truck and drive it
He says the cab has lots of room
For his ass and his private

He says that his bod’s really ripped
He loves it when his clothes are stripped
Oh, no, Scott can’t deny it
Oh yeah, it’s time for him to diet!

(CHORUS)
He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
That Scott Brown is the centerfold
Scott Brown is the centerfold

He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
Scott Brown is the centerfold

(REPEAT)

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea)-Christmas Edition-1

The Twelve Days of Christmas Song Parodies continues…

These are a few noteworthy news stories that have been orbiting the stratosphere this week.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of, “It Makes Your Head Spin Like Linda Blair’s” features Sarah Palin. It was just announced that the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska will appear as a paid guest speaker at a fund raiser for a pair of Canadian “Socialized Medicine” hospitals. Huh? The Anchorage Daily News reports, “Sarah Palin has been booked for an April speaking engagement at a fundraiser for two Hamilton, Ontario, hospitals that, Think Progress reminds us, are part of Canada’s abortion-providing, single-payer health care system and offer the type of end-of-life counseling that Palin has attributed to death panels.”

THIS JUST IN: In other Sarah Palin related news we have a new tidbit from her once and future son-in-law Levi Johnston. Johnston’s manager, Tank Johnson called into a talk radio show on December 11th and said that his client plans to reveal startling incriminating information about Sarah Palin that will shock the nation. The details will be included in a book that Johnston plans to release in March 2010. Hey Sarah, beware the Ides of March. Will there be a matching book-hawking cross-country bus/jet tour also? Enquiring minds want to know.

BREAKING NEWS: In this week’s edition of “The Continuing Story of Tea-Bagger Lunacy” we have the group’s December 15th demonstration plans. Rather than describe it to you, here is a portion of the official release:

So here’s the plan. On Tuesday, December 15 at 8:45 AM thousands of us will meet in Washington, DC at the fountain in Upper Senate Park. From there we will march to the Senate offices, go inside, and demonstrate our opposition to the government takeover of health care. We call this plan “Government Waiting Rooms”. The intention is to go inside the Senate offices and hallways, and play out the role of patients waiting for treatment in government controlled medical facilities. As the day goes on some of us will pretend to die from our untreated illnesses and collapse on the floor. Many of us plan to stay there until they force us to leave. A backup location for this demonstration will be announced if they block us from entering the offices.

Government controlled medical facilities? Dying while waiting for treatment? Do these sophomoric morons realize that the more they exaggerate their false claims about health care reform, they more the rest of the nation ignores them?

THIS JUST IN: Jon Stewart of Comedy Central’s The Daily Show exposed a Glenn Beck conflict of interest this week. Stewart pointed out that Beck constantly advises his television and radio audience to buy gold as a safeguard against the collapse of the U.S. Dollar which will result from the Obama Administration’s policies. Indeed, Beck has said the following:

When the system eventually collapses, and the government comes with guns and confiscates, you know, everything in your home and all your possessions, and then you fight off the raving mad cannibalistic crowds that Ted Turner talked about, don’t come crying to me. I told you: get gold.

The sheer lunacy of that statement aside, Stewart revealed however, that Beck failed to disclose to his audience that he is a paid spokesman for Goldline International, a precious metals vendor. Why is it that Comedy Central does a better job of investigative journalism than the major networks? ABC, NBC, CBS and NPR should be ashamed of themselves.

BREAKING NEWS: Kudos to the television drama series Law and Order; Special Victims Unit for their honest no holds barred description of conservative right-wing pundits. in a recent episode, a character on the show said this:

Garrison, Limbaugh, Beck, O’Reilly, all of them. They are like a cancer spreading ignorance and hate. They have convinced folks that immigrants are the problem, not corporations that failed to pay a living wage, or a broken health care system.

THIS JUST IN: The Moonie-owned Washington Times has announced that it is cutting its work force by 40% and beginning free distribution of its product. The right-wing propaganda paper is so bereft of reliable news coverage that its circulation will most likely fall even further now that the paper is free. This is so because when its  few remaining paid subscribers realize that they no longer need to feel obligated to read the rag, they probably will forget that it ever existed.

BREAKING NEWS: In this week’s episode of “What The Heck Took So Long?” Jenny Sanford, the wife of South Carolina’s adulterous governor Mark Sanford, has announced that she is filing for divorce. She has been unable to successfully locate and serve divorce papers upon her husband however, because his staff believes that he is hiking somewhere on the Appalachian trail.

THIS JUST IN: In this week’s episode of “How Appropriate” we have Sarah Palin accepting an invitation to be keynote speaker at the Bowling Proprietors Association of America convention in Las Vegas next summer. Hmm, where to begin? Maybe she will bring a few spare copies of her book. Perhaps some of her supporters will have the chance to strike up a conversation with the unemployed social networker. Will Sarah be capable of keeping her language out of the gutter? Stay tuned.

BREAKING NEWS: Joke of the day. Why did Sarah Palin have a book signing in Sandpoint? Idaho, Alaska !!!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

My Favorite Things song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0KHb_xCHTI&feature=related

MY LEAST FAVORITE THINGS

(sung to the Julie Andrews song “My Favorite Things”)

Mike is called “Moses” and Romney’s called “Mittens”
Jindal is running but can’t raise a pittance
All of those candidates want to be kings
They are some of my least favorite things

Most of them phonies with brains made of noodles
Palin’s hairstyle reminds me of a poodle’s
The G.O.P. is filled with ding-a-lings
They are some of my least favorite things

Palin will bless us with winks of her lashes
Gingrich and Rudy just sit on their asses
Huckabee’s so holy he thinks he has wings
They are some of my least favorite things

“No civil rights”,
Pawlenty sings
He is raving mad
And when Michele Bachmann speaks aloud it stings
Yes that hurts my ears real bad

They are just posers so I say, “Good riddance”
Remind me of the inbred guy in “Deliverance”
All of them have extramarital flings
They are some of my least favorite things

They have no taste just like a bland egg noodle
They should be thrown out with the kit and caboodle
All of them acting like puppets on strings
They are some of my least favorite things

G.O.P. women have life-long hot flashes
The Grand Old Party is reduced to ashes
They cannot tolerate arrows or slings
They are some of my least favorite things

They’re not bright lights
Mental weaklings
Poor behaving cads
I wish they’d all congregate down in Palm Springs
And then I would be so glad.