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Palin Memorial Month Continues…

Now that Sarah Palin has quit once again and her rapid fade from relevance has commenced, we thought it might be fun to memorialize her by re-posting some of our favorite Palin-centric columns and song parodies from the past. Let’s raise our collective glasses and toast the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska! Ah, Sarah, we hardly knew ye!

This columns were originally posted way back on June 14th, June 15th and June 16th of 2009. They dealt with the feud between Sarah Palin and David Letterman which erupted when Letterman made a joke about one of Palin’s teen daughters getting pregnant out of wedlock.

PALIN’S LATE NIGHT FIGHT

Palin Letterman

OK folks, you knew this one would be coming. So, without further adieu, please enjoy the David Letterman/Sarah Palin song parody.

As usual, please remember to click on the song link below so that you will have much more fun singing along.

You May Be Right song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cih0btgJw8s&feature=related

DAVE MAY BE RIGHT

(sung to the Billy Joel song “You May Be Right”)

Monday night Dave trashed her daughter
Wednesday night he said, “I’m sorry”
Friday night he trashed her once again
He was only having fun
With the Guv’nor with a gun
And we all enjoyed the heated tense exchange

Palin’s living in the twilight zone
She has the thinnest skin we know
Like the Oz Scarecrow she could really use a brain
Polls now show she’s in a dive
And her hair in that beehive
Like we said, this only shows that she’s insane

Dave may be right, Sarah is crazy
But she just may be the lunatic you’re voting for
She’s not too bright, thinking is hazy
Dave may be wrong but I’ll bet the house that Dave is right

Remember when Dave without fear
Called out the slutty clothes she wears
And then Todd, The First Dude went simply wild
He is such a macho man
No longer a Late Show fan
Since Dave Letterman called out his wife and child

Just think of all the jokes Dave will do
That make fun of Ms. Caribou
We will hear them every other day
They’ll be crazy but they’re true
Each time Sarah speaks anew
And we wouldn’t want it any other way

Dave may be right, Sarah is crazy
But she just may be the lunatic you’re voting for
She’s not too bright, thinking is hazy
Dave may be wrong but I’ll bet the house that Dave is right

Dave may be right, Sarah is crazy
But she just may be the lunatic you’re voting for
She’s not too bright, thinking is hazy
Dave may be wrong but I’ll bet the house that Dave is right

Dave may be wrong but I’ll bet the house that Dave is right.
Dave may be wrong but I’ll bet the house that Dave is right.
Dave may be wrong but I’ll bet the house that Dave is right.
Dave may be wrong but I’ll bet the house that Dave is right.
Dave may be wrong but I’ll bet the house that Dave is right.
Dave may be wrong but I’ll bet the house that Dave is right.

HERE’S TO YOU MR. LETTERMAN (PALIN)

Sarah Palin watches Late Nite With David LettermanSarah Palin enjoys Late Nite With David Letterman

We believe that the Sarah Palin/David Letterman feud still has a lot of legs. So here comes the newest song parody.

As always, please remember to click on the song link below because then it is a lot more fun to sing along.

Mrs. Robinson song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_jmDscGi7E

MR. LETTERMAN

(sung to the Simon and Garfunkel song “Mrs. Robinson”)

Dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo
Dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee

And here’s to you, Mr. Letterman
We all love you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
And your Top Ten Mr. Letterman
When you blasted Palin last Monday
(Hey, hey, hey…hey, hey, hey)

She is a little spoiled brat disguised behind her smiles
We’d like to help her learn to help herself
But she is just a lipsticked pig with winking blinking eyes
We pee’d our pants when she got punked on the phone

And here’s to you, Mr. Letterman
We all love you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
And your Top Ten Mr. Letterman
When you blasted Palin last Monday
(Hey, hey, hey…hey, hey, hey)

Sarah P’s too thin skinned to appear on late night shows
She and her whole family are just fruitcakes
Though we are all waiting for some news on her affair
Most of all, she’s got to hide it from her kids

Coo, coo, ca-choo, Mr. Letterman
We all love you more than you will know (Wo, wo, wo)
And your Top Ten Mr. Letterman
When you blasted Palin last Monday
(Hey, hey, hey…hey, hey, hey)

Sitting on her snowmachine most every afternoon
Screwing up her candidates debate
Laugh about it, shout about it
And her foolish shoes
Ev’ry way we look at her, she’ll lose

Where have you gone, Joe The Plumber, oh
Sarah P. turns her blinking eyes to you (Woo, woo, woo)
What’s that you say, Mr. Letterman?
Plumber Joe is your target today
(Hey, hey, hey…hey, hey, hey)

LETTERMAN/PALIN – THE APOLOGY

PalinLetterman3

In an attempt to end their feud, last night, David Letterman offered an on-air apology to Sarah Palin and family for the joke he made about her daughter (Bristol or Willow?) last Monday. The apology was direct and sincere. Of course, Sarah Palin accepted the apology graciously, released a statement saying so and that was the end of the battle.

Hold on just a second. Pardon me. What’s that, Palin did not graciously accept the apology and end the battle? She said what? Oh, this is what she said…

Of course it’s accepted on behalf of young women, like my daughters, who hope men who ‘joke’ about public displays of sexual exploitation of girls will soon evolve. Letterman certainly has the right to ‘joke’ about whatever he wants to, and thankfully we have the right to express our reaction,” Palin said. “This is all thanks to our U.S. Military women and men putting their lives on the line for us to secure America’s Right to Free Speech – in this case, may that right be used to promote equality and respect.

That didn’t sound gracious. By the way, isn’t Palin a christian fundamentalist? Is she allowed by church doctrine to say “evolve” inasmuch as she does not believe in evolution? I am also a little confused about evoking the military as the savior of free speech when it was Letterman’s free speech that she wanted to quelch in the first place. Oh well, let’s have a song…

Remember to click on the song link below because you will have more fun singing along.

Oh My My song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1C6rFWfYMg

OH MY MY

(sung to the Ringo Starr song “Oh My My”)

She called up John Ziegler to see what’s the matter
He said, “come on over”
“And wear your tin hat, dear”
Her knees started shakin’, her head started achin’
When John Ziegler said to she:

Oh my my, oh my my, Dave Letterman, poked your eye
Oh my my, oh my my, We can fire him, if we lie
Oh my my, oh my my, it’s guaranteed to keep you alive

Let’s give Dave a screwin’, then we’ll get Jay Leno
Then let’s can O’Brien, if we are able
Then Sarah was squealin’ “you betta believe I’ll…”
“Stay away from Tina Fey”

Oh my my, oh my my, Dave Letterman, poked my eye
Oh my my, oh my my, I can fire him, if I lie
Oh my my, if I try, it’s guaranteed to keep me alive

(musical interlude)

Now if Dave should back down and take back his joke now
Remember your daughter, make it even hotter
It’s you he was dissin’, so don’t even listen
Don’t accept his apology

Oh my my, oh my my, Dave Letterman, poked your eye
Oh my my, oh my my, We can fire him, if we lie
Oh my my, oh my my, it’s guaranteed to keep you alive

(repeat to end)

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Will Palin Condemn Beck?

Remember back in February when Sarah Palin went all “smoke-monster” about White House Chief of Staff’ Rahm Emmanuel’s describing liberal activists as “retards”? Do you also remember however, that a few days later Palin defended conservative talk radio host Rush Limbaugh’s use of the same term a number of times on his radio show? That was hypocrisy at its best.

Well, as we all know, history has a way of repeating itself. Sarah Palin has a long history of claiming that the media unfairly targets her children. She claims that all children should be exempt from negative coverage regarding their parents. First there was the Trig Photoshop outrage. Next there was her allegation that David Letterman joked about a possible statutory rape of daughter Willow. And just this week Palin alleged that investigative reporter Joe McGinniss would be peeping in daughter Piper’s bedroom window.

This week however, Glenn Beck violated the Palin rule of disparaging children. On his radio show, Beck spent a full four minutes mocking and making fun of 11 year-old Malia Obama.  Beck and his co-host mocked the young daughter and questioned her “level of education.”  At one point, Beck even brought race into the equation by mocking Malia Obama’s voice while she asks her dad why he “hates black people.”

How will Sarah Palin respond to actions of her Fox News associate? Will she condemn Glenn Beck as she did Rahm Emmanuel or will she attempt to explain away his transgression as she did for Rush Limbaugh? Well Sarah, which will it be? Enquiring minds want to know.

This post deserves a song parody about both Palin and Beck don’t you agree?

Please remember to click on the song links for both songs so as to familiarize yourselves with the tunes and to have more fun singing along with both of today’s song parodies.

That Smell song clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6q9nBusrq8

BECK’S SMELL

(sung to the Lynyrd Skynyrd song “That Smell”)

Whiskey bottles and drug filled jars
Those were Glenn Beck’s best days
Way too much coke and too much smoke
How does Fox News take pride in you?

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

Yeah,

Angel of darkness is in our view
He’s a weasel doing harm (you fool, you)
The bloviating bloke, has a show that just blows
Have a drink, fool, you clown, you (hell, yeah)

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

Righties call Beck prince charming
They take his word as the gospel truth
Yet Glenn Beck’s logic is hollow, and
Fox News just might learn he has no clue (no, clue)

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

(musical interlude)

Oh, Glenn Beck’s views
Do nothing else but spread alarm
Beck’s a fear-mongering bore

(musical interlude)

Beck has his own little Waterloo

It’s a monkey on his back
Sponsors have split from his racist schticks
One hell of a price and Beck’s show might get nixed (hell, yeah)

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
Don’t Glenn smell like hell?
Ooh, ooh Beck’s smell
The smell of Beck surrounds you

Oh, Glenn Beck’s views
Do nothing else but spread alarm
Beck’s just a fool, just a fool, just a fool.

Sexy Sadie song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYck2B_0-DI

SEXY SARAH

(sung to the Beatles song “Sexy Sadie”)

Sexy Sarah what have you done
You’re now a fool to everyone
You’re now a fool to everyone
Sexy Sarah, ooh your day is done

Sexy Sarah with your own rules
You only speak if there’s a fee
You only speak if there’s a fee
Sexy Sarah, oooh your fans are fools

There was a day when you were just a lousy mother
Then John McCain came looking for someone
Sexy Sarah the lamest of them all

Sexy Sarah became the show
Although she didn’t have a clue
Although she didn’t have a clue
Sexy Sarah, oooh “went with the flow’

Sexy Sarah you’ll get yours yet
However big you think you are
However big you think you are
Sexy Sarah, oooh you’ll get yours yet

They gave her everything they owned just to sit at her table
Maybe she would let them kiss her ring
Sexy Sarah was the latest and the greatest of them all

She’s now a fool to everyone
Sexy Sarah,

However big you think you are
Sexy Sarah.

Sarah Palin And The Paperback Writer

"Say it ain't so, Joe."

We just cannot let this Sarah Palin/Joe McGinniss feud fade away without another post on the subject. In fact, this potential Hatfield/McCoy standoff is likely to provide enough juicy material for many more posts (not to mention a Saturday Night Live skit or two). What could be better than an investigative journalist actually living right next door to the subject of his next book?

By the way, what’s up with Sarah Palin’s sick obsession with the sexual violation of her daughters? First we learned on the campaign trail that unwed teen daughter Bristol was pregnant despite all that “abstinence only” training she received from her formerly unwed pregnant mother. Next, Palin accused David Letterman of soliciting the statutory rape of daughter, Willow. Then we learned from reading her ghostwritten memoir, that both daughters Willow and Bristol were threatened with gang rape from schoolmates,

In that first year, I was alerted to threats against Willow by students at her Juneau school, one particularly disturbing. Someone posted a note on an Internet site threatening to gang-rape her at school. I never felt safe for her after that. Later, the same thing happened to Bristol.

Of course “Mama Bear” never reported the alleged threats to school officials or law enforcement at the time. Now we have Palin alleging that writer Joe McGinniss is some sort of perverted peeping tom. In a recent Facebook entry, Palin wrote,

Wonder what kind of material he’ll gather while overlooking Piper’s bedroom…

It is clear that Sarah Palin has some weird sexual hangups involving minors.

Greater Wasilla (Alaska) better get ready for a long hot summer with plenty of fireworks on display in and around the Palin/McGinniss compound. We can imagine screaming tantrums from Palin, mocking waves from McGinniss and the Wasilla police setting up a temporary station on their street. Will the Palins’ spite fence grow taller and taller? The new neighbors’ backyards will be filled with cold stares, hot glares and sneak peeks. All in all though, what did Palin expect? She cozied up to Joe Sixpack and Joe The Plumber, so how could Joe The Writer be expected to know that he would be unwelcome in Palinland?

Palin's spite fence.

Let’s all hope for a summer full of comedic altercations. In the meantime please enjoy this re-working of a previous re-working of the Beatles’ song “Paperback Writer”.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Paperback Writer song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pwap79uy1G8

PAPERBACK WRITER II

(sung to the Beatles song “Paperback Writer”)

Paperback writer (paperback writer)

Dear Todd and Sarah, will you read my book?
It took me months to write while I had a look
All of those things that I could see and hear
I put them in my book and I’m gonna be a paperback writer
Paperback writer

Its a dirty story of a dirty clan
Led by Sarah Palin and her “First Dude” man
I learned so much by reading through their mail
They’re a seedy mob but its fun to be a paperback writer
Paperback writer

Paperback writer (paperback writer)

It’s a thousand pages give or take a few,
It has some photos I took from my scenic view.
I must admit the Palins never do smile
They just sulked around in plain site of this paperback writer,
Paperback writer

I loved all the fighting I could hear at night
It wafted through the fence despite its massive height.
You’ll learn all about them so please have no fear,
They will quiver and quake but I’m gonna be a paperback writer.
Paperback writer

Paperback writer (paperback writer)

Paperback writer – paperback writer
Paperback writer – paperback writer
(fading)

2009: For Sarah Palin, It Was A Very Bad Year

For the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, it was a very bad year. Let’s take a look at some of Caribou Barbie’s lowlights from the last twelve months:

1.)  In January and February of 2009 Sarah Palin began vocally blaming John McCain’s staff for her poor showing in televised interviews during the duo’s embarrassingly failed presidential campaign. As if the staff could have predicted that Palin would be unable to name a single book or periodical that she regularly reads;

2.)  She got into a tit-for-tat tabloid worthy feud with her grandson’s teenaged father almost immediately after Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin ended their relationship;

3.)  She got into a tit-for-tat tabloid worthy feud with television comedian David Letterman over jokes that he made about Palin and her family;

4.)  On July 3rd she abruptly and unexpectedly quit her job as governor of Alaska and in her incoherent and rambling resignation speech, she managed to disparage quitters. Remember when she said, “It would be apathetic to just sort of hunker down and go with the flow. We’re fishermen and we know that only dead fish go with the flow. And though it may be tempting and more comfortable to just kind of keep your head down and plod along and appease those that are just sort of demanding, hey just “sit down and shut up” that’s a worthless easy task out. That’s a quitter’s way out.”?  So let’s get this straight, if someone tells you to “sit down and shut up” and then you quit your job, that is “a quitter’s way out”, but if you simply unexpectedly quit the job of governor without warning or explanation, that is not “a quitters way out”? Ok then;

5.)  Later in the summer, Palin announced that she would write a memoir but that she would not be the author. It would be ghostwritten. What a means of demonstrating that linguistic acumen that she cultivated over 6 years at 5 different less than Ivy League colleges;

6.)  Did we mention “death panels” yet?

7.)  Palin’s much publicized cross-country, blue-collar bus tour of village-like hamlets to promote her book was exposed as a fraud when it was discovered that she was actually traveling on a private luxury jet at the cost of $ 4,000.00 per hour;

8.)  Her book, Going Rogue was critically panned as the result of a slew of factual inaccuracies. Members of the McCain staff called it, “a pack of lies” and “a work of fiction”. Consequently, the book’s publisher felt compelled to admit that it did not subject the tome to any fact checking. Strangest of all however, was Palin’s description therein of two threatened gang rapes of her daughters which compelled “Mama Bear” to take her children out of school, but which she never reported to school or law enforcement authorities;

9.)  She broke from the Republican Party and endorsed a third party candidate in the election for New York’s 23rd Congressional District seat. The Republican vote was thereby divided and a Democratic Party candidate won the seat for the first time since the Civil War;

10.) And finally, her “death panels” remark was deemed the “Biggest Lie of 2009” by PolitiFact.com.

Wow, will Sarah Palin ever be able to top herself in 2010?

SPECIAL MESSAGE

Before we send you along to today’s song parody, Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off would like to thank all of you Rocketeers for stopping by the blog this year. Your comments and suggestions have not only been helpful in supplying subject matter for the songs, but they have also provided the incentive to carry on with this time consuming blogging experiment which started on May 13, 2009. We owe a special debt of gratitude to the folks over at The Mudflats (themudflats.net) because they not only initially suggested that we start this blog, but they also helped this technology challenged novice to get it up and running. Once again, thanks to all of you and we hope that you and your families and friends have a happy and healthy new year.

Now let’s get back to the fun!!!

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

It Was A Very Good Year song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYIvwnbbZXU

IT WAS A VERY BAD YEAR

(sung to the Chad and Jeremy version of the song “It Was A Very Good Year”)

When she was seventeen
It was a very good year
It was a very good year for this small town girl
That was not too bright
With pageant queen height
A sight to be seen
When she was seventeen

When she was twenty-four
It was a not so good year
It was a not so good year for this pretty girl
She was now a pair
In maternity wear
No wedding décor
When she was twenty-four

When she was forty-five
It was a hell of a year
It was a hell of a year for this rejected girl
Who made so many scenes
And had a pregnant teen
Her future hope died
When she was forty-five

But now her days are short
Cuz it has been a very bad year
And now Sarah Palin’s life is one big whine
She’s hit the dregs
Been knocked down a few pegs
She’s the target of jeer
She’s had a very bad year.

Sarah Palin’s Year Of Unfortunate Events

Palin describes her last 12 months to students at the Wasilla School For The Deaf.

Palin describes her last 12 months to students at the Wasilla School For The Deaf.

For those of us not lucky enough to be from the Great State of Alaska, it is hard to imagine that prior to last year, we had no idea who Sarah Palin was. It now seems that not a day can go by without the subject of Caribou Barbie popping up on television, radio or in print media. She is both cheered and jeered, but not in equal amounts. She has a small but loyal following of uneducated, religiously intolerant, white, racist homophobes that dote over every one of her incoherent Twitter tweets. Those out-of-touch fanatics however, are vastly outnumbered by the scores of civilized Americans that view her as an imbecilic light-weight worthy only of the status of  the target of comedic barbs. Nonetheless, Sarah Palin’s trajectory over the last year has been like that of a shooting star: attention grabbing but short lived prior to burning out.

Indeed, the last twelve months have not been kind to the quitting ex-governor of Alaska. Shall we take an itemized look at some of the unfortunate events that have engulfed Sarah Palin over that period?

– She was revealed by Republican Presidential nominee, John McCain to be his running-mate. The American population responded with a resounding, “Who?”;

– It was revealed that the pedigree of her educational background consisted of attending 5 different mediocre colleges in 6 years before managing to attain only a bachelors dgree;

– It was discovered that the “family values”, “abstinence only”, evangelical christian politician had been impregnated prior to her marriage to the “First Dude.”

– It had been discovered that the “family values”, “abstinence only”, evangelical christian mother had an unwed pregnant teenaged daughter;

– She had those disastrous unscripted televised interviews with Charles Gibson and Katie Couric in which she could not name a single newspaper, magazine or periodical that she reads and failed to be able to name any Supreme Court decision other than Roe v. Wade;

– She could not accurately describe to a fifth grader the role of the Vice President of the United States;

– She was mercilessly lampooned by television comics, the most notable being Tina Fey;

– It was revealed that the “Country First” Sarah Palin’s spouse had been a card carrying member of the Alaskan Independence Party (AIP) who’s main agenda is to have the state secede from the United States;

– It was revealed that Sarah Palin, in her capacity as Governor of Alaska, had possibly attended AIP conventions and definitely provided official videotaped supportive messages to at least one of their conventions;

– Her sister-in=law and the mother-in-law to be of her pregnant daughter were both arrested;

– It was revealed that she actually said, “Thanks” before saying, “Thanks, but no thanks” regarding that “bridge to nowhere”;

– Subsequent to learning that Palin unsuccessfully tried to pressure Alaska Public Safety Commissioner Walter Monegan to fire her own brother-in-law (Mike Wooten), the Branchflower investigative report stated, “that Palin abused her power as governor and violated the state’s Executive Branch Ethics Act when her office pressured Monegan to fire Wooten.” The report also stated that “Governor Palin knowingly permitted a situation to continue where impermissible pressure was placed on several subordinates to advance a personal agenda, to wit: to get Trooper Michael Wooten fired.” The report also said that Palin “permitted Todd Palin to use the Governor’s office […] to continue to contact subordinate state employees in an effort to find some way to get Trooper Wooten fired.” from the state police;

– She uttered political hate speech by repeatedly claiming at political rallies that Democratic Presidential nominee Barack Obama had been “palling around with terrorists”;

– John McCain and she were soundly defeated in the 2008 Presidential election;

– It was revealed that she accepted over $ 150,000.00 dollars worth of clothing for herself and her family from the Republican National Committee at a time when most working class Americans were suffering through an economic recession;

– She was found to have breached ethics and tax rules for failing to report as income, certain unreimbursed travel expenses and per diem housing allowances while acting as Governor of Alaska;

– With more than two years remaining in her term, she quit the office of Governor of Alaska;

– Despite her degree in journalism, she elected to have her memoir written by a ghost-writer;

– While opposing health care reform legislation, she fictitiously claimed that the reform would contain “death panels” to shorten the lives of senior citizens; and

– Her husband, Todd quit his job with oil giant British Petroleum.

And that my friends (as John McCain would say) is only a partial list of the series of unfortunate events that have surrounded Sarah Palin in the last year. Will there be more in the upcoming year? “Ya Betcha !!!”

Before proceeding to today’s song parody, please take a little time to enjoy the following video clip of actor William Shatner reading, verbatim, Sarah Palin’s resignation speech from last July.

If you enjoyed William Shatner in the video clip, you will also enjoy him performing his rendition of the song, It Was A Very Good Year which is today’s song parody. Please enjoy.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link to familiarize yourselves with Shatner’s rendition of this tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

It Was A Very Good Year song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0GAjK64VZg

IT WAS A VERY BAD YEAR

(sung to the William Shatner version of the song “It Was A Very Good Year”)

When she was seventeen
It was a very good year
It was a very good year for this small town girl
That was not too bright
With pageant queen height
A sight to be seen
When she was seventeen

When she was twenty-four
It was a not so good year
It was a not so good year for this pretty girl
She was now a pair
In maternity wear
No wedding décor
When she was twenty-four

When she was forty-five
It was a hell of a year
It was a hell of a year for this rejected girl
Who made so many scenes
And had a pregnant teen
Her future hope died
When she was forty-five

But now her days are short
Cuz it has been a very bad year
And now Sarah Palin’s life is one big whine
She’s hit the dregs
Been knocked down a few pegs
She’s the target of jeer
She’s had a very bad year.

My Love Song To Sarah Palin

Sarah, will you be my Valentine?

Sarah, will you be my Valentine?

It is time to be honest, folks. We here at Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off have a crush on the ex-quitting-Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin. It is time for us to admit that this blog would not have been born in the first place were it not for Caribou Barbie’s unfaltering pro-life stance. You see, while the idea of this blog had barely been conceived in our mind, we were already contemplating putting that idea out to pasture. But then Sarah Palin started saying and doing more stupid things on a daily basis. We began to wonder just how on earth we could deny mankind all of the wonderful satire and comment that our precious little blog-child would contribute as it grew to adulthood. Hence, our decision was made. We chose life for the blog and the rest is history.

Were it not for Sarah Palin’s butchered television interviews, slutty flight attendant fashion sense, inability to speak a single coherent sentence, vast world travel experience, child birth mysteries, penchant for quitting jobs more frequently than Brett Favre and all around cluelessness, we would never have had the sustaining source material for this blog. For that Sarah, we love you. So, in honor of the troops please enjoy this love song that was penned especially for you.

Love always,

Lynnrockets

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song.

You Are The Woman song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AgPw-DMoHw&feature=related

YOU ARE THE WOMAN

(sung to the Firefall song “You Are The Woman”)

You are the woman that I’ve always dreamed of
I knew it from the start
You’re like the apple that fell off of the apple cart

It’s all those things you say that make me pee
Because you have no clue
And those interviews you gave on TV
Came right back and bit you, woh, oh

You are the woman that I’ve always dreamed of
You are a work of art
You have no grace and a black rotting thing for a heart

It’s not so much your gross duplicity
Sure not the clothes you wear
It’s all those foreign countries you can see
And you shoot polar bears, who, oh, woh

You are the woman that I’ve always dreamed of
I don’t know where to start
You’re dumber than most of the gals at the mini-mart

It’s hard to tell you just how glad I’m feeling
When you are reviled
You have a way to send my song skills reeling
I just love your style, woh, oh

You are the woman that I’ve always dreamed of
I knew it from the start
You’re in a place that occupies a space in my heart
You’re in a place that occupies a space in my heart

In my heart
Oh, oh in my heart.

Letterman Goes “Rogue” On Palin – Again!

palinletterman2

Just a quick post this morning for those of you that might have missed David Letterman last night. Once again, the target of his lampooning was the ex-quitting governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin. His “Top Ten” list was the tips Sarah Palin could give about writing a book. It is hilarious. Do you think Palin now realizes that it may have been a mistake to publicly attack Letterman a few months ago? Was she not aware of the fact that he has a nightly television audience in the millions and he now has every reason to skewer her every chance he gets? Poor Sarah, will she never learn? Enjoy the clip.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

Oh My My song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1C6rFWfYMg

OH MY MY

(sung to the Ringo Starr song “Oh My My”)

She called up John Ziegler to see what’s the matter
He said, “come on over”
“And wear your tin hat, dear”
Her knees started shakin’, her head started achin’
When John Ziegler said to she:

Oh my my, oh my my, Dave Letterman, poked your eye
Oh my my, oh my my, We can fire him, if we lie
Oh my my, oh my my, it’s guaranteed to keep you alive

Let’s give Dave a screwin’, then we’ll get Jay Leno
Then let’s can O’Brien, if we are able
Then Sarah was squealin’ “you betta believe I’ll…”
“Stay away from Tina Fey”

Oh my my, oh my my, Dave Letterman, poked my eye
Oh my my, oh my my, I can fire him, if I lie
Oh my my, if I try, it’s guaranteed to keep me alive

(musical interlude)

Now if Dave should back down and take back his joke now
Remember your daughter, make it even hotter
It’s you he was dissin’, so don’t even listen
Don’t accept his apology

Oh my my, oh my my, Dave Letterman, poked your eye
Oh my my, oh my my, We can fire him, if we lie
Oh my my, oh my my, it’s guaranteed to keep you alive

(repeat to end)

The Palin Posse Parties Like It’s 1999!!!

Sarah Palin interviewing for slutty flight attendant position

Sarah Palin interviewing for slutty flight attendant position

The Palin Posse has pushed its way into the papers again. just when you thought it was safe to read the news again, you learn that Levi Johnston and Willow Palin are making headlines. It makes us Lower 48ers (why aren’t we Lower 49ers by the way?) wonder if the Palin extended family was always this public about things (with the exception of quasi-public/private emails that is).

Today we learned via a photograph published by the tabloid The Star, that 15 year old Willow Palin enjoys to quench her thirst with an Absolut and Mountain Dew. We also learned via US Magazine, that Levi Johnston is willing to pose nude if the price is right. Do these Palin attention seekers have no shame?

Today’s song parody harkens back to the days of David Letterman and Sarah Palin’s “slutty flight attendant” look.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

Slit Skirts song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0C-8hyn4TI&feature=fvw

SLIT SKIRTS

(sung to the Pete Townsend song “Slit Skirts”)

She is just forty-five years old and she is still wandering in a haze
It’s no wondering why everyone I meet is laughing about those Palin days

I don’t know why she thought she should have some kind of divine right to the news
It’s apathy not cheers that she needs when she voices her warped views

Her incense burned away and her stench began to rise
And Sarah is so strange with those fetching wink-blinking eyes

The mis-haps of her children make her blood begin to boil
The hat atop her beehive should be covered with tinfoil
She had to quit Alaska cause of bridges that she burned
From all this you’d imagine that there must be something learned

Slit skirts, Palin always wears those slit skirts
Clothes that are so tight that it hurts
Can’t pretend that growing older never hurts

Scream rants, Sarah’s tweeting out her scream rants
It’s really about time for a new dance
If she wants to buy voter romance

Slit skirts, slit skirts
Slutty flight attendant look slit skirts, slit skirts
Her beehive hair and those slit skirts, slit skirts
High heels that are red and those slit skirts

Romance, romance is Sarah thinking of romance?
She’s like a stripper doing a pole dance
She may as well peel her pants

Let me tell you some more about herself, you know she’s starting to roam just now
Her days as governor are long passed and there’s no need for her to hang around
She’s number one on the drone team and still says, “Drill Baby Drill”
A silent voice in her broken heart knows her dreams will go unfilled

Just guess who will her next husband be, and will he be like HIM?
Will Sarah P. start to work off her frustrations in the gym?

Recriminations fester and the past can never change
And Palin’s expectations run from odd to outright strange

A careless and untrained mother and her best friend Meg
Put their brains together and it looks like scrambled eggs

Slit skirts, Palin always wears those slit skirts
Clothes that are so tight that it hurts
Can’t pretend that growing older never hurts

Scream rants, Sarah’s tweeting out her scream rants
It’s really about time for a new dance
If she wants to buy voter romance

Slit skirts, slit skirts
Slutty flight attendant look slit skirts, slit skirts
Her beehive hair and those slit skirts, slit skirts
High heels that are red and those slit skirts

Slit skirts, slit skirts
Palin’s always wearing those slit skirts, slit skirts
Practically bare in those slit skirts, slit skirts
She looks obscene in those slit skirts

Romance, romance is Sarah thinking of romance?
She’s like a stripper doing a pole dance
She may as well peel her pants

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 7

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BREAKING NEWS: This week Justice Sonia Sotomayor was sworn in as a justice of the United States Supreme Court. She is the first Latina ever appointed to the high court. Thirty-one (out of 40) Republican Senators voted against her confirmation. Inasmuch as the Latino population is the fastest growing in the U.S., this should do wonders for Republican efforts to capture some of that vote and re-enter the world of relevant political parties.

THIS JUST IN: The stock market has risen 45% since the election of President Barack Obama. For comparison, under George W. Bush, the market lost 6000 points or 43% of its value.

BREAKING NEWS: The Federal Government’s “Cash For Clunkers Program” was such a rousing success that the program has now been doubled in size of funding and the eligibility period has been extended. Rush Limbaugh, while living in some sort of an alternative universe, has declared the program a failure.

THIS JUST IN: In other Rush Limbaugh news, the Boston Globe reveals that the radio comedian  has compared democrats to Nazi’s on his program (listen here) and put a Nazi symbol next to the Obama logo on his website (view it here). Is this drug addicted clown sick?

BREAKING NEWS: Just wondering, would you be more willing to let David Letterman or Dick Morris babysit your children? Seems obvious, huh?

THIS JUST IN: While visiting New York City (again!!!) this week, quitter Sarah Palin was seen entering the offices of Fox News. If her visit was in anticipation of a television spot for the ex governor, would Palin be required to stop criticizing the media inasmuch as she would then be a part of it?

BREAKING NEWS: Sarah Palin posted a Facebook message yesterday to her loyal followers in which she alleged that the Democratic Health Care Reform Bill will provide for “death panels.” This woman is koo-koo for Cocoa Puffs.

THIS JUST IN: Ben Stein has been fired by the New York Times as the result of ethics violations. The biggest ethics violation of all was hiring him in the first place.

BREAKING NEWS: As the result of Glenn Beck’s recent television tirade in which he called President Obama a racist, three advertisers, Lawyers.com, Procter & Gamble and Progressive Insurance have pulled advertising from his show. This is a good start. Who will be next?

Please feel free to discuss these topics amongst yourselves in the comment section.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to have more fun singing along to this Sarah Palin inspired song parody.

Lovely Rita Meter Maid song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l87Vvb7JcDU

LOVELY SARAH

(sung to The Beatles song “Lovely Rita”)

Aaaahhh…

Lovely Sarah Twitter babe
Lovely Sarah Twitter babe

Lovely Sarah Twitter babe
Nothing can come between us
When it gets dark you tweet my heart away
I was riding on my Harley
When I saw Caribou Barbie
Texting out a message on her little cell phone
Standin’ there winkin’ and blinkin’
She’s not one for real deep thinkin’

Couldn’t even conversate with Chuckie Gibson

Lovely Sarah Twitter babe
May I inquire discreetly (Lovely Sarah)
When are you free to send a tweet to me? (Lovely Sarah, babe, Aaaahhh)

Sarah!

Took her out and tried to feed her
She called me her little Tweeter
Told her that she acted like a teenager kid
She told me she loves to tweet it
I told her, “I think I’ll beat it”
So she said she’d settle for good old Uncle Ted

Oh, lovely Sarah Twitter babe
Where would Todd be without you
Is Russia still within your line of view
(Lovely Sarah Twitter babe)
(Lovely Sarah Twitter babe)
(Lovely Sarah Twitter babe)
(Lovely Sarah Twitter babe)

Palin’s Politics Of Personal Persecution

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Palin’s Politics Of Personal Persecution. Don’t you just love alliteration?

We were pondering Palin’s pronouncements against persnickety pundits (Oops, there we go again) and wondered how she could possibly stand her own hypocrisy. After all, isn’t she the one that said that Barack Obama was “pallin’ around with terrorists”? And didn’t Sarah Palin say that Hilary Clinton should stop whining about sexist verbal assaults? Oh, and wasn’t it Sarah Palin that said that David Letterman was either a pedophile himself or else he was encouraging pedophiles? And didn’t she recently refer to Ashley Judd as a “delicate, tiny, very talented starlet”? And hasn’t she mockingly referred to Barack Obama as some sort of deity? Wow, you would need a big pitchfork and plenty of time to pick your way through Palin’s pile of poop. Oops, we’ve done it again.

Today’s song parody was requested by loyal reader, wonderful comment submitter and unsurpassed ego booster, nswfm CA.

Please click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOgc-9ThmmQ

EVERY LITTLE THING SHE DOES IS TRAGIC

(sung to the Police song “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic”)

We’ve all tried before to tell her
That job quitting will not provide a fresh start
SarahPAC and her supporters
They do deserve her
None of them are too smart

Every little thing she does is tragic
Sarah Palin is just a moron
Winking eyes and practicing black magic
Is no way for life to carry on

We all know Sarah’s life story
Since the day when she and John McCain first met
An outdated maverick fella
And a lipsticked hockey mom as his new pet

Every little thing she does is tragic
Sarah Palin is just deaf and dumb
Couldn’t even win a beauty pageant
Talks as if she’s guzzled too much rum

One fine day she up and quit and then just ran away
Her tweets just stopped, her stardom flopped. She is so yesterday
But her two short years have gripped me
Like a scene from Twilight Zone
She’s a spaced out sixties hippie
That has run away from home

Every little thing she does is tragic
Sarah Palin is now just a bum
Couldn’t even win a beauty pageant
She is just a safety school alum

Every little thing she does is tragic
Sarah Palin is just a moron
Winking eyes and practicing black magic
Is no way for life to carry on

Oh,yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah

Every little thing
Every little thing
Every little thing
Every little
Every little
Every little
Every little thing she does
Every little thing she does

Every little thing she does
Every little thing she does

Everything is tragic

Eee yo, Eee yo, Eee yo, Eee yo, Eee yo, Eee yo, Eee yo, Eee yo,
Eee yo, Eee yo, Eee yo, Eee yo, Eee yo, Eee yo, Eee yo, Eee yo,

Every little thing
Every little thing
Every little thing she do is tragic, tragic, tragic
tragic, tragic, tragic
Eee yo, Eee yo, Eee yo oh oh oh oh