Blog Archives

Sunday Mid-Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 37

Just a few noteworthy news satellites that have been careening around the blogosphere this week…

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Why Am I Not Surprised” features Slick-Dick Cheney’s pal the Halliburton corporation. the company has become the object of several controversies involving the 2003 Iraq War and the company’s ties to Former U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney. Cheney retired from the company during the 2000 U.S. presidential election campaign with a severance package worth $36 million. As of 2004, he had received $398,548 in deferred compensation from Halliburton while Vice President. Cheney was chairman and CEO of Halliburton Company from 1995 to 2000 and has received stock options from Halliburton. The company has a long history of shoddy workmanship and of defrauding the US Government (and consequently, US taxpayers) by means of repeated and excessive overcharges regarding government contracts. Well, now it has been revealed that Halliburton is partially responsible for the recent catastrophic Gulf Coast oil rig explosion and spill. Halliburton provided well cementing services on the rig and now it looks as if flaws in that process led to the massive failure of the well’s structural integrity. Anyone surprised?

THIS JUST IN: We all understand the nexus between the State of Alaska and the oil industry, but enough is enough already. This week Alaska’s Republican Senator Lisa Murkowski objected to a voice vote request by Sen. Robert Menendez (D-N.J.) on the bill, which would have spiked the maximum liability for oil companies after an oil spill from $75 million to $10 billion. The legislation has significant support from Democrats, and the White House has indicated it backs an increase in liability caps. Republicans are on the side of the oil companies, not the American people.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “WTF Took You So Long” features former First Stepford Wife, Laura Bush who admitted on Larry King Live that she is pro-choice and in favor of gay marriage and has been so forever. Should she perhaps have publicly defended her positions at some point while her brain-dead husband of a President was forever advocating legislation in opposition to those beliefs? Please watch the clip…

Then again, Laura Bush is now hawking a book and as we know from Sarah Palin, nothing sells like shock and controversy.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Conservatives Caught With Their Pants Down” features Longtime Religious Right leader Rev. Dr. George Rekers. He has been embroiled in a gay sex scandal for the past two weeks, and has now resigned from the board of directors of NARTH (National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality.) For those of you not in the know, it was revealed that Rekers hired a male prostitute to travel with him to Europe. As Queen would say, “another one bites the dust”.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Lies And The Lying Liars Who Tell Them” features Ergun Caner, the President of Liberty University’s (yes, Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University) seminary. Talk To Action reports that “Caner has made a name for himself by highlighting his unusual life story: He says he was born into a stridently Muslim family in Turkey, where he learned to hate America and Christians. As Caner tells it, he flirted with jihad before undergoing a life-changing conversion to fundamentalist Christianity. He then persuaded most of his family to convert as well, and they now spread the gospel.” A compelling story but untrue. “Despite his claims about having lived in Turkey, it now appears that Caner was born in Sweden and moved to Ohio when he was 4 years old. His father was a Muslim, but his mother was Lutheran. The couple divorced, and Caner’s mother retained custody. He became an evangelical Christian as a teen; it’s unlike he was ever recruited by jihadists.” Ahhh, the rarefied air of Liberty University!

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Daddy, Please Make The Crazy Lady Stop Talking!” features Minnesota’s Republican US Senator, Michele Bachmann. During a Tuesday night webcast with Ensuring Liberty, a Tea Party PAC, Rep. Michele Bachmann likened the financial reform bill that is being debated in Congress to Mussolini’s Fascist Italy. She said,

Let’s remember really what this is. This has a lot in common with Italy in the 1930s and they way Italy dealt with economics,” she said. “It still continues private ownership of business but government is in control.” She continued, “So government control of the private business, while it’s private ownership, that’s still at the end of the day the federal government virtually having a say over private business. We lose freedoms; we lose economic competitiveness.

OK Michele, now take your medicine and go back to sleep for awhile.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Let’s Blame God” features Rick Perry, the Republican Governor of Texas. Last week the secessionist and Sarah Palin fanboy said the massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico should not be lamed on the oil industry, calling such spills “acts of God that cannot be prevented.” Gee, who knew that God created that faulty rig.

THIS JUST IN: It wouldn’t be a weekly wrap-up without our favorite wingnut, now would it? So, this week’s edition of  “Tea (Party) For Two and Two For Tea (Party)” features Sarah Palin, the ex-quitting Governor of Alaska and Jan Brewer, the present Governor of Arizona. The two members of the G.O.P. “braintrust” appeared together yesterday in Phoenix to denounce President Obama’s  criticism of Arizona’s new racist immigrant law. The law requires immigrants in Arizona to carry their registration documents at all times and allows police to question individuals’ immigration status in the process of enforcing any other law or ordinance. Problem is, even legal “brown” skinned citizens and immigrants are likely to be “asked for their papers” even though they are not required to carry them. If they do not have those “papers” with them, they are subject to detainment and arrest. As president Obama said,

You can imagine if you are an Hispanic American in Arizona, your great grandparents may have been there before Arizona was even a state, but now suddenly if you don’t have your papers, and you took your kid out to get ice cream, you’re gonna be harassed. That’s something that could potentially happen. That’s not the right way to go.

Like the nativist “Know Nothings” of the 1840’s and 1850’s however, Palin and Brewer have deceived themselves into believing the “us” versus “them” scenario is the only solution to immigration problems. Indeed, in defending the concept of “presenting papers”, the snow-white Palin said, “I think for most American people the reaction to that would be, ‘Why aren’t (police) already doing that?'” What would she say if native Alaskans treated the Idaho transplant similarly? Keep up the good work on that Arizona products and travel boycott!!!

Today’s song parody takes a rapid-fire look at Republicans past, present and future. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

We Didn’t Start The Fire song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFTLKWw542g

WE DIDN’T START THE LYING

(sung to the Billy Joel song “We Didn’t Start The Fire”)

Ronald Reagan, Larry Craig, Mark Sanford, Tom Delay
Michelle Malkin, Michele Bachmann, “Goin’ with the flow”

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Howard Baker, lack of vision
Spreading Fear, Acting queer, and ole Sixpack Joe

No icebergs, H-Bomb, “Pay for play”, “Hockey Mom”
Landrieu, Hamid Karzai, and that Michael Savage guy

Ivy tower, Van Flein, Tea-bagger party scene
Party of “No”, Tim Pawlenty, Let’s watch Glenn Beck cry

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Vitter’s fallin’, Ginny Foxx, Boehner and Inhofe
Mitch McConnell, small umbrella, Talking the talk

Spin Zone, Rent to own, Straight martini, Bank loan
Russian view and Pastor Haggard’s flock

Sex crimes, Grassley, John McCain is “Mavericky”
Lining pockets, health care plan, Giuliani, Limbaugh Land

Barrasso, Fake protest, Tom “The Hammer”, Chambliss
Senate race, Lack of grace, and Melvin Martinez

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Loaded Glock, SarahPAC, Sam Alito, Johnny Mack
Jindal, Right to die, Tripp’s father is Levi

Pentagon, Border wall, We must deport them all
Bed-wetters, genocide, No assisted suicide

Bush’s folly, Torture, Dick Cheney, Blackwater
Hate groups, Castro, John Ensign and his ‘ho

First Dude, Hannity, Mann Coulter and O’Reilly
Scooter Libby, Karl Rove, Sarah Palin’s “Sixpack Joes”

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Kay Bailey, Muslims, K Street is full of bums
Villains, Pearlman, Iraqi Invasion

Health reform hysteria, Sarah Palin mania
Shameless G-Men, War in Afghanistan

Ron Paul, Airport sex, They don’t want no litmus test
Kneel and pray, Always “nay”, Can’t get married if you’re gay

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Birth control, Lives of sin, They like folks that have white skin
Buckshot, Dow stock, Loud mouthed chicken-hawks
Takin’ Bacon, Palestine, Palin is no friend of mine
Now they have nukes in Iran, Couldn’t stop the Taliban

Makin’ fortunes, Soldiers die, Did we mention Glenn Beck cried?
Foreign debts, Homeless vets, Exposed by three jets
We voted them out the door, Now they’re just a mouse that roars
Spider holes and unjust wars, I can’t take them anymore.

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it
(repeat chorus to fade)

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Mother’s Day Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 36

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you that may be mothers. For the rest of you, please do something nice for your own mothers on her special day. You have no way of knowing how many more of these days you will have the opportunity to share together. Make the most of all of them.

OK, no more proselytizing. Let’s have some fun. Rather than the usual recap of newsworthy events from the last week, today’s post will provide a list of appropriate Mother’s Day gifts for a bunch of well known conservative women. Please feel free to add to the list in the comment section. Let’s roll…

Barbara Bush:  A “do over” regarding son George W.

Ann Coulter: A definitive male or female sexual status.

Carrie Jean Prejean:  A map of the United States.

Condoleezza Rice: A “Where’s Condi?” placemat.

Michelle Malkin:  Non-“Anchor-Baby” status.

Ohio Rep. Jean Schmidt:  An official “Birther” T-shirt.

Laura Bush: A Stepford Sister.

Conservative radio pundit Laura Ingraham: A more feminine voice.

Congressional candidate Carly Fiorina: An endorsement from Hewlett Packard directors and shareholders.

Greta Van Susteren:  A contestant’s spot on tv’s Extreme Makeover.

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer:  An all expenses paid trip to Mexico.

Liz Cheney:  A chance to show her courage via a stint in the U.S. Army.

Michele Bachmann:  An unlimited prescription of Thorazine.

Elizabeth Hasselbeck:  Employment with Fox News.

Bristol Palin:  A time machine.

Sarah Palin: An English/Palin – Palin/ English dictionary.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

American Woman song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9o8SUSy_tY

REPUBLICAN WOMEN

(sung to the Guess Who song “American Woman”)

Republican women they’ve all lost their minds
Republican women, they’ve really lost their minds
Republican women they’ve all lost their minds
Republican women they’ve all lost their minds

Say “R”, say “E”, say “P”
Say “L”, say “I”, say “C”
Say “A” “N”

Republican women they’ve all lost their minds
Republican women they’ve all lost their minds
Republican women they’ve all lost their minds

Republican women, stay away from me
Republican women, from the G.O.P.
You are someone I’ll just ignore
I don’t wanna see your face no more
I got more important things to do
And I will never be sold on you

Now women, I said stay away

Republican women, listen what I say

Republican women, have no dignity
Republican women, and their tea-parties
Like I told you the time before
Michele Bachmann is just a bore
Mann Coulter I do despise
Malkin has a lazy eye
Now women, I said get away
Republican women, listen what I say

Republican women, it’s clear as day
Republican women, they’re no Tina Fey
Talk about defending our shores
Their husbands prefer time with whores
Jean Schmidt always makes a scene
Sarah Palin thinks she’s queen
Mary Matalin’s hypnotized
Ingraham’s mouth is super-sized
Now women, from the G.O.P.
Republican women, mama let me be

Go, gotta get away, gotta get away
Now go go go
Gonna leave you, women
Gonna leave you, women
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
You’re no good for me
I’m no good for you
Gonna look you right in the eye.
Tell you what I’m gonna do
You know I’m gonna leave
You know I’m gonna go
You know I’m gonna leave
You know I’m gonna go, women
I’m gonna leave, women
Goodbye, Republican women