Scott Brown: The Senator Wears No Clothes (Updated)

Scott Brown (R-MA) posing for his Senate composite photo.

As we have noted many times in the past, the Republican Party is the gift that keeps on giving. For year’s we have had fun pointing out the hypocricy of those members of the “Party of Family Values” that have engaged in extramarital affairs with members of both sexes. Here are some of our favorites: Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign,  Mark Sanford, Paul Stanley and Mike Duvall. Yet that is only one category of Republican that is joke-worthy.

We also have those Republicans that are just simply uneducated, weak minded, possibly insane, lightweight, frivolous fools. These are the people that give us a belly laugh every time they open their mouths or appear in public. Examples that come to mind are George W. Bush and Michele Bachmann. Of course the undisputed queen bee of this category is Sarah Palin. Ever since the day she emerged from the wilds of Alaska like a “Mama Bear” awaking from hibernation, Palin has entertained us with a form of incoherent public speaking that is second only to that of Borat. She makes Edith Bunker sound like Jane Austen. In short, Sarah Palin becomes the subject of ridicule every time she “rears her head over Alaska” or anyplace else for that matter. Here’s to Sarah Palin! Long live the Queen!

Yet, our friends over at the G.O.P. have just done us another solid. May we introduce newly elected Republican senator Scott Brown of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Although this clown is smarter than Sarah Palin (a law school graduate), his personal life measures up quite nicely to that of the Wasilla hillbilly. In fact, he is the male version of Sarah Palin. She was a beauty pageant failure. He posed nude for a centerfold (see above). She paid little attention to her children as they quit school and were impregnated. He pimped out his daughters at his election party and posed with them in their teeny-weeny bikinis while he eerily smiled (see below). She was cited for a fishing violation. He was sentenced for shoplifting. Thank goodness for us that every ying has its yang.

In Scott Brown we have the very definition of an “empty suit”. And empty shoes. And empty trousers. And empty boxers and…

UPDATE

Commenter linmac reminded us of this sort of creepy music video from the 1980’s which stars Scott Brown’s wife. Jeesh, the squeezing of the tube is rather suggestive. Those Brown kids have a lot to be proud of with regard to their parents.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Centerfold song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNhnThb8gEw

SCOTT BROWN IS THE CENTERFOLD

(sung to the J. Geils Band song “Centerfold”)

C’mon !
Does he walk? Does he talk?
Is he G.O.P.?
Scott Brown’s a Men’s Room angel
Larry Craig would share his seat

His buns are white like snowflakes
No underwear to stain
He poses like a sweet angel
Naked but with no brain

This sad guy loves posing in those porno magazines
He’s like a nudist angel and he’s pimping out his teens

(CHORUS)
He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
That Scott Brown is the centerfold
Scott Brown is the centerfold

He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
Scott Brown is the centerfold

Nude behind his Senate desk
This girlie man should be in a dress
Can he see that Larry Craig
Is giving him the eye

He is naked but for shoes
Much too indecent for the news
You must wear clothes on TV
They told that Scott Brown guy

Wear diapers like Dave Vitter
They do not cover  much
Or simply wear a negligee
That would be a nice touch

(CHORUS)
He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
That Scott Brown is the centerfold
Scott Brown is the centerfold

He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
Scott Brown is the centerfold

(na, na, na, na, na, na…..)

It’s okay we understand
Scott’s nudity should not be banned
But while prancing on the Senate lawn
We wish he would keep his clothes on

Take his truck, Yes he will
He’ll take that truck and drive it
He says the cab has lots of room
For his ass and his private

He says that his bod’s really ripped
He loves it when his clothes are stripped
Oh, no, Scott can’t deny it
Oh yeah, it’s time for him to diet!

(CHORUS)
He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
That Scott Brown is the centerfold
Scott Brown is the centerfold

He must be cold
A naked man if truth be told
Scott Brown is the centerfold

(REPEAT)

The Rise (Get It…”RISE”) And Fall Of Mark Sanford

Only a short while ago South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford’s career was on the rise. He was an upcoming conservative star within the Republican Party with presidential aspirations. Something else was also on the rise however (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, know what I mean?), and that is what triggered Sanford’s sordid fall from power.

The saga began when Sanford mysteriously disappeared for six days and neither his family nor his staff had any idea as to his whereabouts. The ever pesky main stream media caught on to the case of the missing governor which prompted his staff to make up a story that Sanford needed to clear his head by means of hiking the Appalachian Trail.

That fabrication unraveled, however when an unidentified South Carolina law enforcement official informed CNN that Sanford’s vehicle had been parked at the airport for several days. Next, airport officials confirmed that Sanford had just re-entered the United States from Argentina.  Finally, we learned  that Sanford had  been borrowing law enforcement vehicles in the middle of the night for sojourns to parts unknown. In an effort to diminish the impact of the story that the press was about to release, Sanford held a preemptive tear filled press conference in which he admitted to having had a long-term affair with an Argentinian mistress. The confession was quickly followed by the release of the transcripts of a series of mushy emails between the couple which were worthy of the prose found in cheap dime-store romance novels. The state and national Republican Party called for him to resign his governorship but Sanford next claimed that he had spoken to God himself and was instructed to retain the position just as King David continued to rule subsequent to his adulterous affair.

Sanford’s refusal to resign prompted the South Carolina legislature to commence impeachment proceedings against him. The grounds for impeachment were that Sanford wrongfully left the state to meet his mistress in Argentina without informing his staff of his whereabouts and without installing a proper chain of command. A special House subcommittee met this week to consider the impeachment resolution for the first time. But last Tuesday, it was revealed that Sanford faces even more trouble.

CNN reports that the South Carolina Ethics Commission has now charged Sanford with 37 counts of ethics law violations following a three month investigation of Sanford’s use of taxpayer money. CNN.com states,

Sanford is accused of using tax money to buy business-class airfare on domestic and international flights, flying on a state-owned aircraft to political gatherings or events “which involved no official business,” and spending campaign funds for personal use such as buying a ticket to attend President Obama’s inauguration in January.

South Carolina law requires state officials to buy the lowest fares available for flights, and bars the use of state aircraft for personal use.

It appears that Mark Sanford’s days of wine and roses have come to a bitter end. But really, is anybody surprised that another dirty Republican has been exposed?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Oh, Boy song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sg9XI7bYrA&feature=related

PO’ BOY

(sung to the Buddy Holly song “Oh, Boy”)

All of Mark’s love
All of his kissin’
Big romance while Sanford was missin’
Po’ boy, adultery
Po’ boy, the world can see
Sanford must leave his seat

All of Mark’s life
He been a waitin’
Preachin’ them politics of a-hatin’
Po’ boy, down in S.C.
Po’ boy, now he can see
No more Presidency

Lots of tears from eyes that are ballin’
Credibility is a fallin’
A little bit a-lovin’ makes everything right
Mark’s sure to call Evita tonight

All of Mark’s love
All of his kissin’
Big romance while Sanford was missin’
Po’ boy, adultery
Po’ boy, the world can see
Sanford must leave his seat

Dumb-dee-dumb-dumb
Po’ boy
Dumb-dee-dumb-dumb
Po’ boy

(musical interlude)

All of Mark’s love
All of his kissin’
We love it when Sanford goes missin’
Po’ boy, adultery
Po’ boy, the world can see
Sanford’s sheer lunacy

Sanford’s good wife
Won’t be a matin’
Mark might take to Larry Craig’n
Po’ boy, K-Y Jelly
Po’ boy, watchin’ telly
Sanford will be lonely

Scars appeared and his future is fallin’
He can hear Fox News a callin’
A little elbow rubbin’ makes everything right
Mark’s gonna be on Glenn Beck tonight

All of Mark’s love
All of his kissin’
We’re laughin’ so hard that we’re pissin’
Po’ boy, laugh till we pee
Po, boy, the world can see
There’s no more G.O.P.

Sarah Palin And The Other G.O.P. Unemployed Zeroes

As Sarah Palin, the ex-former quitting Governor of Alaska, prepares to embark on her nationwide rural hamlet book tour it reminded us here at Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off of all of those other former Republican office holders who now have nothing better to do than offer their warped opinions to whoever (or is it, “whomever”, I’m never quite sure) will listen.

Public enemy number one is Newt Gingrich, the former disgraced and dethroned Speaker of the House. This guy was unceremoniously thrown out of the leadership position by his own party which prompted his resignation in 1998. Nonetheless, if you scan through your television channels any night during primetime, you are likely to see this wife-cheating bag of gas bloviating to some talking head about his vision of the future for the G.O.P. Does he not realize that the words, “Newt Gingrich” and “future” are mutually exclusive?

Next we have former New York City mayor, Rudolph Giuliani. Like the aforementioned Gingrich, this wife-cheating disaster of a Presidential candidate can be found nightly opining on all things political with the Fox News host of his choice. Of course he has nothing of substance to say. Vice President Joe Biden put it best when he said, “There’s only three things he mentions in a sentence — a noun, a verb, and 9/11. There’s nothing else!” That truly sums up Rudy in a nutshell.

How about former Vice President, Dick Cheney? He of the “dithering” remark regarding President Obama’s contemplative and non-knee-jerk method of deciding what course of action to take in Afghanistan. We all know that Cheney’s trigger finger reaction would be to simply go in there with all guns blaring and no real plan. After all, didn’t he use that method when he shot his best friend in the face? We also learned last week that while being questioned by the FBI regarding the Valerie Plame identity leak, Cheney answered questions by saying, “I don’t recall” more than two dozen times. Consequently, should anyone be interested in getting advice from this forgetful old fool. He might consider checking into the Ronald Reagan Memorial Alzheimer’s ward.

Today’s song parody will pay tribute to these and some other unemployed Republicans who will not go away. Please enjoy.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with this great tune and to have more fun singing along to the parody.

Celluloid Heroes song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oh23A2GptAQ&feature=PlayList&p=5AC4C35A0BBF1943&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=32

UNEMPLOYED ZEROES

(sung to the Kinks song “Celluloid Heroes”)

Everyone is a schemer and they are all fading stars
And everyone is so goofy, they all should be feathered and tarred
They’re not far from your own city
A creeping louse is on every street
They have no jobs so they walk the boulevard
Their careers ended in defeat

Just look at Scooter Libby,  George Bush spared him the jail yard
He lied for old Dick Cheney,  now finding work will be real hard
Condoleezza Rice was a princess
While she occupied her throne
But she lied about those weapons
Now no-one will throw her a bone

They ride in their nice cars as they drive down Unemployed Boulevard
Some that you recognize some that you wish you never heard of
People who lied and cheated while striving for fame
First they succeeded but now they suffer in vain

Rudolph Giuliani had a trio of wives
And if not for 9/11, White House dreams could not survive
Former Governor, Caribou Barbie
Was a lip-sticked dog with no bite
The blunders that Palin gave us
Will follow her the rest of her life

Cheney was thrown out like garbage
He shot his friend and he smiled
And then there’s George “Macaca” Allen
You’ve just got to love his style
And please don’t forget dear Larry Craig
With his stylish steel handcuffs
While in a Men’s Room stall he copped a feel
And then Idahoans had had enough

They ride in their nice cars as they drive down that Unemployed Boulevard
Some that you recognize some that you wish you never heard of
People who lied and cheated while striving for fame
First they succeeded but now they suffer in vain

Everyone is a schemer and they are all fading stars
And they all think they’re in show biz, trying to show on radar
And though some were successful
Now they must be on guard
Success walks hand in hand with failure
Along Unemployed Boulevard

Their sordid lives are a non-stop Hollywood tabloid show
A fantasy world of unemployed villains and zeroes
And those unemployed zeroes created so much pain
Those unemployed zeroes took us for a ride

They ride in their nice cars as they drive down that Unemployed Boulevard
Some that you recognize some that you wish you never heard of
People who lied and cheated while striving for fame
First they succeeded but now they suffer in vain

Those unemployed zeroes created so much pain
Those unemployed zeroes took us for a ride

Their sordid lives are a non-stop Hollywood tabloid show
A fantasy world of unemployed villains and zeroes
And those unemployed zeroes created so much pain
Those unemployed zeroes took us for a ride

Republicans: A Whole Lotta Nuthin’

We apologize for posting so late today, but some pressing matters required some tending to. So, without further ado…

The party of “No” is up to its old tricks again. Democratic Senator, Harry Reid has announced that he would like to open debate on the Senate version of the health care reform bill as early as this Tuesday, November 17th. Thereafter, he would like a vote on the bill prior to the winter holiday recess.

“Not so fast”, say the Republicans. “What is the hurry”? You see, the G.O.P. leadership plans on utilizing some arcane Senate rules to delay the process to some time well into the new year. The reason for the expected delay tactics is that the Republicans will do anything in their power to derail health care reform so as to retain the status quo. They would rather see a broken system which costs thousands of lives per year persist so that the private insurance industry, which funds their campaign coffers, can continue to reap astronomical profits while denying health care benefits to policyholders. Of course the current system also leaves millions of people uninsured altogether. By delaying any vote on the Senate health care reform bill until 2010, an election year, the Republicans believe that many more blue-dog Democrats will vote against the bill in order to  avoid the massive campaign funding of their opponents by the insurance industry.

It is obvious that the Republicans are playing a game in which human lives are the pawns. They offer no solution to the health insurance crisis. Indeed, their inaction would allow the crisis to grow exponentially greater in the very near future. That is not a concern to the Republicans however. They would rather line the pockets of the insurance industry which in turn translates into huge campaign contributions. Let’s hope that the Senate Democrats hold strong to their convictions and move forward as quickly as possible on health care reform legislation. The passage of such a bill which will have massive voter support will not only help to alleviate some of the most egregious effects of the current broken system, but it will also help to solidify the branding of Republicans as the party of “No”. That is a title that may doom the G.O.P. to minority status for quite some time.

Today’s song parody takes a rapid-fire look at Republicans past, present and future. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

We Didn’t Start The Fire song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKu2QaytmrM

WE DIDN’T START THE LYING

(sung to the Billy Joel song “We Didn’t Start The Fire”)

Ronald Reagan, Larry Craig, Mark Sanford, Tom Delay
Michelle Malkin, Michele Bachmann, “Goin’ with the flow”

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Howard Baker, lack of vision
Spreading Fear, Acting queer, and ole Sixpack Joe

No icebergs, H-Bomb, “Pay for play”, “Hockey Mom”
Landrieu, Hamid Karzai, and that Michael Savage guy

Ivy tower, Van Flein, Tea-bagger party scene
Party of “No”, Tim Pawlenty, Let’s watch Glenn Beck cry

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Vitter’s fallin’, Ginny Foxx, Boehner and Inhofe
Mitch McConnell, small umbrella, Talking the talk

Spin Zone, Rent to own, Straight martini, Bank loan
Russian view and Pastor Haggard’s flock

Sex crimes, Grassley, John McCain is “Mavericky”
Lining pockets, health care plan, Giuliani, Limbaugh Land

Barrasso, Fake protest, Tom “The Hammer”, Chambliss
Senate race, Lack of grace, and Melvin Martinez

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Loaded Glock, SarahPAC, Sam Alito, Johnny Mack
Jindal, Right to die, Tripp’s father is Levi

Pentagon, Border wall, We must deport them all
Bed-wetters, genocide, No assisted suicide

Bush’s folly, Torture, Dick Cheney, Blackwater
Hate groups, Castro, John Ensign and his ‘ho

First Dude, Hannity, Mann Coulter and O’Reilly
Scooter Libby, Karl Rove, Sarah Palin’s “Sixpack Joes”

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Kay Bailey, Muslims, K Street is full of bums
Villains, Pearlman, Iraqi Invasion

Health reform hysteria, Sarah Palin mania
Shameless G-Men, War in Afghanistan

Ron Paul, Airport sex, They don’t want no litmus test
Kneel and pray, Always “nay”, Can’t get married if you’re gay

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Birth control, Lives of sin, They like folks that have white skin
Buckshot, Dow stock, Loud mouthed chicken-hawks
Takin’ Bacon, Palestine, Palin is no friend of mine
Now they have nukes in Iran, Couldn’t stop the Taliban

Makin’ fortunes, Soldiers die, Did we mention Glenn Beck cried?
Foreign debts, Homeless vets, Exposed by three jets
We voted them out the door, Now they’re just a mouse that roars
Spider holes and unjust wars, I can’t take them anymore.

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it
(repeat chorus to fade)

Lynnrockets vs. Republicans

A young Lynnrockets at Nixon fundraiser in Boston.

OK folks, I have had enough. The Republican Party and its right wing supporters on talk radio and on television’s Fox News have driven me over the edge. Oh, and do not allow me to downplay the role of their supporters, you know, the bat-crazy, racist, homophobic tea-baggers. The whole bunch of rock throwing glass house dwellers deserve a big giant dose of liberal backlash. So let’s give it to them.

The straw that finally broke this camel’s back is the recent opposition to the Obama administration’s attempts to secure Chicago as the site of the 2016 Summer Olympics. The point is now moot in that, as of today, the International Olympic Committee eliminated Chicago and Tokyo. Nevertheless the opposition by the likes of Hannity, Beck and Limbaugh was not only without merit, it was also without reasoned aforethought. To argue that the President has bigger things on his plate than to concern himself with having our nation host the Olympic games is a simple red herring of an argument. Didn’t Republican President Eisenhower have an overseas war to contend with while simultaneously pitching Lake Placid as the site of the 1960 Olympics? Also, since when does the job creation, foreign investment, exciting sporting events and all around goodwill promoted by these games cause harm to the hosting nation which becomes a world showcase for some two weeks?

Finally, where was all the right wing outrage when this letter was penned by former President George W. Bush?

President Bush Meets with Chicago 2016 Bid Committee and United States Olympic Committee Members
Union League Club of Chicago
Chicago, Illinois

// Video (Windows) <a href=”/news/releases/2008/01/20080107-3.wm.v.html” mce_href=”/news/releases/2008/01/20080107-3.wm.v.html”>/news/releases/2008/01/20080107-3.wm.v.html</a> Presidential Remarks Audio

11:35 A.M. CST

THE PRESIDENT: I want to thank the members of the 2016 Chicago bid to get the Olympics. Listen, Mr. Mayor, you and your committee have put together a great plan. It’s a plan that will make America proud.

They say that the Olympics will come to Chicago if we’re fortunate enough to be selected, but really it’s coming to America, and I can’t think of a better city to represent the United States than Chicago.
This is a well thought out venue. There will be — the athletes will be taken care of. People who will be coming from around the world will find this good city has got fantastic accommodations, great restaurants. It will be safe.

And so I — this country supports your bid, strongly. And our hope is that the judges will take a good look at Chicago and select Chicago for the 2016 Olympics.

Thank you all.

END 11:36 A.M. CST

Hypocrites, one and all. The Olympic opposition proves beyond doubt that these morons are not interested in national pride. They are merely interested in returning to power for power’s sake and they hope to do so by opposing every single decision of the Obama administration regardless of its merits. It is this type of behavior that prodded me to declare war on the right wing. Without the two-faced behavior of the Republicans and their ilk, I may never have decided to start this blog. But start it, I did, and this next song parody sums up who I am and what my mission is. Will anyone join me?

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with this very autobiographical song parody.

I Write The Songs song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-fev20voMc

I WRITE THE SONGS

(sung to the Barry Manilow song “I Write The Songs”)

I sling the jive whenever,
I sit down and scribble a song
I put the words and Republicans together
I love music,
And I love these songs

I write the songs that I hope you folks sing
I write the songs to dethrone G.O.P. kings
I write the songs that expose all their lies
I write the songs, I write the songs

I’m from a state that’s deep blue,
And we make a damned good lobster roll
No, there aren’t many right wing guys
There’s some but then, all of them are very old

I write the songs that attack the right wing
I write the songs that I hope linger and sting
I write the songs that prompt Glenn Beck to cry
I write the songs, I write the songs

Oh, I’ll take a hostile stance
When Limbaugh begins to rave and rant
And I’ll lead you to a poll, he can’t disprove
Palin has no heart,
So, I will tear her life apart
Hannity, Coulter too,
Also, too, O’Reilly
None of them can hide from me !!!

I write the songs about Mark Sanford’s flings
I write the songs about Larry Craig’s stings
I write the songs about Mark Foley’s guys
I write the songs, I write the songs

I write the songs about Joe Wilson’s slings
I write the songs of Vitter’s diapery things
I write the songs about all of those guys
I write the songs, I write the songs

I love music, so I write these songs

Republican Party Games

Did you ever wonder what it must feel like to admit that you are a Republican these days? How it must feel to say that you are not only in the same party but also subscribe to the same political policies as some of the craziest wingnuts ever to group together under one banner? Can you imagine trying to say with a straight face that you voted for any of the criminal Banana Republicans shown above or the philandering perverted Republicans such as:

Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford, Paul Stanley and Mike Duvall.

We here at Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off believe that it would make you want to cry. That my friends, leads us right into today’s song parody. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

It’s My Party song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRbsz1Ha7Zo

IT’S OUR REPUBLICAN PARTY

(sung to the Lesley Gore song “It’s My Party”)

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Nobody knows where Mitt Romney has gone
Delay had to resign
McCain was one we can’t stand
The rest just wallow in slime

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Naughty Mark Sanford’s romancin’ tonight
Michele Bachmann’s spewin’ bile
We don’t like Mike Huckabee
Cheney will soon be on trial

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

(musical interlude)

Aw, Sarah Palin behaves just like a whore
She’s a mean ding-a-ling
Jindal should open his eyes
He’ll never be our king

It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Oh, It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to
You would cry too if you had who we do

Oh, It’s our party, and we’ll cry if we want to
Lie if we want to, die if we want to

Sarah Palin and the (G)rand (O)ld (P)erverts

Former G.O.P. Senator, Arlen Specter at Town Hall Meeting

We all believed after the last two election cycle defeats for Republicans that the party would disappear as the result of voter defections. We did not anticipate that the party would implode from within as the result of numerous party member resignations triggered by so many tawdry sex scandals. OK, to be honest, maybe we did think that could happen also, too. Nonetheless, we did not think it would happen so rapidly.

Let’s take a look at our list of Republican philanderers and perverts. Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford and Paul Stanley.

Oh wait, now we have another one. Let’s have a warm welcome and a stream of hearty applause for California State Assemblyman, Mike Duvall. This guy’s accomplishments in the field of sexual depravity rank right up there with Senator David Vitter and his diaper wearing trysts with hookers. Duvall abruptly resigned from office last week after it was revealed that he inadvertently broadcast descriptions of his sexual conquests over a live microphone feed which recorded his boasting. If that weren’t embarrassing enough, it was discovered that these sexual liaisons took place with women other than his wife. You see where this is going don’t you? That is correct, Duvall is a strict “family values” Republican and strong supporter of the sanctity of marriage. But then again, aren’t they all?

In the recording, Duvall describes in graphic detail about the women he said he slept with including one of whom that was a lobbyist with an energy firm with business before the utilities committee on which Duvall sat as vice chairman. Here is Mike Duvall telling us all about it in his own words:

“I’ve been getting into spanking her,” he said on the recording. “I like it!”

And as for his girl’s panties’

“She wears little eye patch underwear.”

The frequency of his trysts?

“The other day she came here with her underwear. And so we made love on Wednesday a lot.”

And as for his other mistress,

“Shar—oh, she is hot. I talked to her yesterday. She goes, ‘So are we finished?’ I said no. And I go, ‘You know about the other one, but the other one doesn’t know about you.’”

Trust us, these tapes go a lot further but we would like to keep this blog at least somewhat decent.

Now it is time to update our list of Republican philandering perverts. Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford, Paul Stanley and Mike Duvall.

Today’s song parody deals with how it must feel to be a member of the Republican Party these days. Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along.

Oh, almost forgot. We realize that there is nothing new in today’s post about Sarah Palin but we still like to mention her in the title of blog posts because it gets everyone’s spirits up. Also, too, did anybody watch that thrilling 4th quarter come from behind victory of my beloved Green Bay Packers last night. I love when they beat the Bears. Go Pack, Go!

Bad Boy song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtwiY11xeus

BAD BOY

(sung to the Beatles song “Bad Boy”)

A bad little perv resigned his office for good
He’s loyal to the right when he’s not busy sporting wood
He sounded just like a fool on that live open mike
I really hope his spouse doesn’t know he’s spanking young girls all night
Well, he likes it when their bottom’s bare
And all those stories he does share
Hey, Duvall, behave yourself.

Buys every S & M book on the magazine stand
Every dime that he gets is spent on softener for his hand
There is no telling how low Mike Duvall is willing to stoop
From slut and mistress trolling to joining a support group
He used a spatula as a prop
To spank those rear-ends nonstop
Now, Duvall, behave yourself

Now your lovin’ momma’s gonna throw you out of bed
She was watching television when she learned what you said
It’s pretty scary that your kids know that you are a rat
You lost everything you had as a result of that one chat
You may still get the “Bobbitt chop”
Cuz your head is hard as rock
Mike Duvall, behave yourself

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 6 (UPDATED)

BREAKING NEWS: Philandering Republican State Senator from Tennessee, Paul Stanley has finally resigned. No word on the identity of his next 20 year old mistress.

THIS JUST IN: This week, while appearing on the morning “Fox and Friends” television show, reich-wing pundit Glenn Beck said of President Obama, “This president has exposed himself as a guy over and over and over again who has a deep-seated hatred for white people… this guy is, I believe, a racist.” A mere 75 seconds later on the same show Beck said, “I’m not saying he doesn’t like white people…” What is he saying then?

BREAKING NEWS: Republican Louisiana Senator David Vitter said this last Thursday, “I’m on the side of conservatives getting back to core conservative values,”. This coming from a diaper wearing prostitute patron. Is he referring to kinky hooker sex as those “core conservative values”?

THIS JUST IN: Former Idaho Republican Senator Larry “Wide Stance” Craig who was arrested and convicted of soliciting sex from a male police officer in an airport bathroom stall, is currently employed as a lobbyist with The American Petroleum Institute as a client. Rumor has it that his pay comes in the form of tubes of petroleum jelly.

BREAKING NEWS: Actor William Shatner has just been named America’s Poet Laureate by President Barack Obama as the result of his recent recitals which can be seen here and here.

Please stay tuned to Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off for more breaking news and updates as they happen.

UPDATE: The most recent Palin rumors of divorce etc. are too good to be true. We will keep you updated via song ASAP.

Remember to click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

Every Kind Of People song link: http://www.ilike.com/artist/Robert+Palmer/track/Every+Kinda+People

EVERY KIND OF PEOPLE

(sung to the Robert Palmer version of the song “Every Kind Of People”)

The far right always competes
They all lie and then misspeak
Try to keep their jobs
Fighting to land a spot on Fox

It takes every kind of people
To make that right wing sound
Every kind of people
To vainly scream and shout

We’re not sure Glenn Beck can read
Is Ann Coulter a he or is it a she?
O’Reilly seems so damn uptight
Limbaugh cannot keep a wife

Though they profit by deceit
Honest men know that
Fox will suffer defeat
If you’re anything but white
Fox News will insult you with delight

It takes every kind of people
To make that right wing sound
Every kind of people
To vainly scream and shout

(musical interlude)

You know that hate’s their only goal
They learned that long ago from Bob Dole
Hey, and they are all insane
Looking to always pass the blame

It takes every kind of people
To make that right wing sound
It takes every kind of people
To vainly scream and shout

Every kind of people
To vainly scream and shout
It takes very kind of people

Republicans: Adultery And Other Assorted Values

Republicans, the gift that keeps on giving. Now batting, Tennessee state senator Paul Stanley (no, not the make-up adorned rock star from Kiss). Where do we begin? Stanley is a 47 year old married (to a woman, of course) father of two who campaigns on an “abstinence only” platform. Last April, he told a Planned Parenthood representative that he could not support the organization because he, “didn’t believe young people should have sex before marriage.”

Really, Senator Stanley? Now, isn’t that special? Fact is however, that Stanley, like so many other Bible thumping, “family values” Republicans, is a hypocritical philanderer. His sexual tryst with his 22 year old legislative intern was revealed this week when he admitted that he was blackmailed into purchasing explicit photographs and video evidence of the affair by the girl’s boyfriend. Only surprise here is that further details did not reveal a trip to South America or a sit-in at an airport Men’s room stall. But stay tuned. These Republican adultery stories always seem to veer off into the absurd.

We can now update our list of Republican “Family Values” adulterers.

Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford and now, Paul Stanley.

Batting next for the Republicans…?

Please click on the song link below so as to have more fun singing along.

The Addams Family television theme  song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVRX_5tGOlo&feature=related

THE HORNY G.O.P.

(sung to the television theme song “The Addams Family”)

They’re creepy and they’re horny
Their dialect is corny
Morality is phony
The shady G.O.P.

If you’re in a museum
It’s real easy to see ‘em
With pants down to their knees’m
The dodgy G.O.P.

(Cheat)
(Beat)
(Their meat)

They always get their ball on
And that’s the sword they fall on
Another gal to crawl on
The horny G.O.P.

The G.O.P(hilanderers)

Let’s take a little break from Sarah Palin and draw some attention to her Republican partners in crime. You know, all those hypocritical “family values” adulterers. The list goes something like this: Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., Mark Sanford and John Ensign.

Shall we take a little look-see at what some of the members of this rogues gallery have said about philandering.

Newt Gingrich

Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich acknowledged he was having an extramarital affair even as he led the charge against President Clinton over the Monica Lewinsky affair, he acknowledged in an interview with a conservative Christian group.

“The honest answer is yes,” Gingrich, a potential 2008 Republican presidential candidate, said in an interview with Focus on the Family founder James Dobson to be aired Friday, according to a transcript provided to The Associated Press. “There are times that I have fallen short of my own standards. There’s certainly times when I’ve fallen short of God’s standards.”

and

“I think you can write a psychological profile of me that says I found a way to immerse my insecurities in a cause large enough to justify whatever I wanted it to” – Newt, speaking to Gail Sheehy.

How about this doozy from his former mistress:

“We had oral sex. He prefers that modus operandi because then he can say, ‘I never slept with her.'” – Anne Manning (who was also married at the time.)

David Vitter

After telephone records revealed that he had frequent visits with prostitutes in the DC Madame, Deborah Jeane Palfrey’s employ he said:

“This was a very serious sin in my past for which I am, of course, completely responsible.” “Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife in confession and marriage counseling.”

We can understand that his wife may have told him that she forgives him, but how did he receive this message of forgiveness from God? Are we to believe that they are on speaking terms? Even the alleged forgiveness from his wife is questionable in light of a statement from her about adultery which she uttered prior to her knowledge of the Vitter philandering. She was asked by a reporter: If her husband were as unfaithful as Livingston or former President Bill Clinton, would she be as forgiving as Hillary Rodham Clinton? Her response:

“I’m a lot more like Lorena Bobbitt than Hillary.”  “If he does something like that, I’m walking away with one thing, and it’s not alimony, trust me.”

“I think fear is a very good motivating factor in a marriage,” she added. “Don’t put fear down.”

Mark Foley

This is the upstanding Republican that sent the sexual emails to a 16 year old boy that went like this:

Congressman Mark Foley (R-Fla.): “Do I make you a little horny?”
Teen: “A little.”
Foley: “Cool.” –from the transcript of a sexually explicit IM chat Foley had with a 16-year-old male, the revelation of which prompted him to resign (read full transcript; warning: contains explicit language)

Prior to his sexual predilections becoming public, Foley said:

“Anybody even contemplating a sexual offense against a child, understand your life will be ruined.” –Rep. Mark Foley, co-founder of Congressional Missing and Exploited Children’s Caucus

and

“It’s vile. It’s more sad than anything else, to see someone with such potential throw it all down the drain because of a sexual addiction.” –Mark Foley, on Bill Clinton, in 1998 (Source)

And here is our final Republican culprit for today.

John Ensign

This is the Republican that called upon President Clinton to resign as the consequence of an extramarital affair. He said:

“I came to that conclusion recently, and frankly it’s because of what he put his whole Cabinet through and what he has put the country through,” Ensign said Thursday, becoming the first member of the Nevada delegation to call for Clinton to quit. “He has no credibility left.”

Now that Ensign has admitted to an affair however, he refuses to resign and has confirmed that he will seek re-election in 2010. How much credibility does he have left?

We believe that you will find today’s song parody quite fitting. Enjoy.

Remember to click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

Walk Like An Egyptian song link: http://www.clipshack.com/Clip.aspx?key=65143F523EF415C0

WALK WITH AN ERECTION

(sung to the Bangles song “Walk Like An Egyptian”)

All the G.O.P.s in bedrooms
They do the sex dance with their hoes
They’re getting their kicks (oh whey oh)
They think that their wives will never know

There sat Larry Craig with a smile
Hoping to score a tete-a-tete
He set for awhile (oh whey oh)
On the airport Men’s Room toilet

Cleans his pipe with a Handy Wipe play
Ay oh whey oh, ay oh whey oh
Walk with an erection

Mark Sanford goes missing for days
In South America for a score
He’s got the moves (oh whey oh)
But he’s a fink and his gal’s a whore

John Ensign met his while at work
Along with her son and her husband
He paid them like kings (oh whey oh)
No talking of his erection

All the guys in the G.O.P. say
Ay oh whey oh, ay oh whey oh
Walk with an erection

(musical interlude)

Newt Gingrich left his wife with no tact
In the cancer ward on her back
Life is hard you know (oh whey oh)
He even took her new Cadillac

Mark Vitter pulled out all the stops
His escorts charged him the very tops
They sing and dance (oh whey oh)
Spent his way right into hawk

Then there’s Mark Foley with his men
He says he won’t do it again
But those heinies know (oh whey oh)
He works with a big erection

All the boys in the G.O.P. say
Ay oh whey oh, ay oh whey oh
Walk with an erection
Walk with an erection