Blog Archives

Welcome Back Sarah Palin!

Sarah Palin/Julianne Moore

Don’t you miss those halcyon days when every morning we were treated to some new breaking story detailing the insane antics of Sarah Palin and her family? We were all entertained on a near daily basis as Palin claimed she could see Russia or that the new health care law established “death panels” or when she claimed that Paul Revere was ringing bells and firing musket shots to warn the British during his famous midnight ride. It was hilarious to watch her struggle to name a single newspaper or magazine which she reads, or to name a Supreme Court decision which she disagreed with or to incorrectly explain the function of the Vice President to a 5th grader. Who will ever forget when she abruptly quit her position as Governor of Alaska after having served only half a term and then jumped right into the respectable field of reality television?

Ahhh, those were the days. Unfortunately (for us) however, Sarah Palin’s entertainment value came to a seemingly sudden halt last November when she announced that she would not seek the Republican nomination for President of the United States. Not only were we denied a year’s worth of belly-ache-inducing laughs, but the late night television talk shows and tabloid newspapers were denied a steady source of material.

But wait!… What’s this?… We have breaking Palin news!

We have just learned that Sarah Palin and her handlers have awoken from hibernation, crawled out of their holes and opened their mouths. it seems they are upset about the new HBO movie about The Queen of Quit. They claim that the film titled “Game Change”, which features  Julianne Moore as Palin, portrays the 2008 GOP vice presidential nominee in a harsh and unfair light.

The group of current and former Palin advisers – Jason Recher, Randy Scheunemann, Meg Stapleton, Andy Davis, Thomas Van Flein, Doug McMarlin and Tim Crawford – jointly railed against the film in a conference call with reporters last night. Recher said, “It’s a false portrait cobbled together by a bunch of people who simply weren’t there.” Former Palin spokeswoman Meg Stapleton took aim at author and film consultant Steve Schmidt (A top John McCain adviser) and said, “Steve Schmidt is proud to stretch the truth in his shoot-first style, and this time he has gone too far. He is abusive and abrasive and nothing short of a world class bully.” Randy Scheunemann said, “To call this movie fiction gives fiction a bad name.”

Those are all very damning comments about the film. Problem is, they are meritless comments. You see, CNN reports that none of them have actually seen the film and they admitted they were making their assessments based largely on the “tone” of the two-minute trailer, which at times portrays Palin as moody, arrogant and unhinged. It should also be noted that the film’s production team offered a private screening to Palin and her husband Todd – which they also declined. Sarah Palin said, “I’m really not too concerned about an HBO movie based on a false narrative when there are so many other things that we need to be talking about,” Isn’t it so Palinesque to comment upon things which one knows little to nothing about?

The film’s screenwriter Danny Strong stated in an email to CNN, “We stand by the film as being an accurate and fair portrayal of the events of the campaign. The script is also based on 25 interviews I conducted with members of the actual campaign. Secondary sources include Sarah Palin’s book ‘Going Rogue’, other books written on the campaign and innumerable newspaper and magazine articles.”

“Game Change” will be premiering on HBO on Saturday, March 10, 2012 at 9:00 PM EST. Until then, please amuse yourselves with this highlight reel of Sarah Palin’s greatest hits.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6U219P_zs7w

THE WRECK OF THE SARAH L. PALIN (Version Two)

(sung to the Gordon Lightfoot song “The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald ”)

The legend lives on from the North Slope on down
To the town they call Sandpoint, Idaho
The Heath’s one would say, had a daughter that day
Why they kept her, I must say, “I don’t know”

They loaded up the truck and they tested their luck
When they moved to Wasilla, Alaska
Sarah enrolled in school and was nobody’s fool
On the court they called her “Barracuda”.

In 1982 she left for Honolulu
Off to Hawaii Pacific College
She did not last long there nor at anywhere
In her quest for some meaningful knowledge.

She finally did see a journalism degree
After stints at 5 or 6 safety schools
Sometime in between she was a pageant queen
Then she worked in TV for KTUU.

She met up with her fate sometime in ’88
When her TV career was a failin’
And everyone knew, as her parents did too
She would soon be the Bride of Todd Palin.

Long before she did wed, she conceived in his bed
That was the end of her abstinency
While laid out on her back, she gave birth to Lil’ Track
The result of an unwed pregnancy.

She was now in a lurch cuz of her right wing church
But she carried on without a care
She had a beehive hairdo, but had nothing to do
That all changed when she became the Mayor.

She appointed some crooks then she banned some good books
No one lasted if they weren’t on her team
Wasilla’s deficit grew, kids fired-up on homebrew
Not to mention the methamphetamine.

She became the next Guv and to show the state love
She proposed to unite remote shore banks
But once in a bind she politely declined
To the bridge she said,”Thanks but no thanks”.

John McCain now you see had to choose a VP
His campaign was certainly failin’
He wanted a she that was trés “mavericky”
So he chose Alaska’s Sarah Palin.

But poor press reviews of her live interviews
With Couric and Gibson oft replayed
Showed she could not spar with the nightly news stars
Let alone outperform Tina Fey

The election was lost and poor Sarah was tossed
From her seat on “The Straight Talk Express”
She went home and did pose in her new store-bought clothes
But  Alaskans were not now impressed

She’s no longer a saint due to ethics complaints
She has nobody left now to wink at
Her opinions ignored and her actions abhorred
“Hockey mom” once again is a rink rat

Her career was a blip, it was a sinking ship
Her supporters are jumpin’ and bailin’
Her character flaws became the final straw
For the wreck known as Sarah L. Palin

Advertisements