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Is Sarah Palin A Celebrity “Survivor”?

Yesterday Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off detailed the ever-growing list of conservatives/Republicans who have deemed Sarah Palin to be either unqualified for higher political office or simply unelectable. Today we will reveal many of the nation’s celebrities that are repulsed by all things Palin.

First we have Palin’s co-TLC star Clinton Kelly of “What Not To Wear”. The wardrobe wonk appeared on “The Joy Behar Show” yesterday and blasted Palin for killing animals on her series simply for show. He said,

“I wasn’t thrilled when I heard that Sarah Palin had an eight-hour infomercial, you know, on my network because she basically stands for everything I don’t stand for or I’m against. So it’s a little bit rough. It’s a little — what bothers me the most about her is her hypocrisy. I hate somebody who’s, like, Oh, look at nature. Look at this beautiful Alaska. …  Look how beautiful everything is. Let’s go kill something … because we need some meat in the refrigerator.”

Kelly has a point inasmuch as the millionaire Palin is not in such a position that she cannot afford to buy food at the grocery store.

Of course Joy Behar herself is no stranger to Palin-blasting. She routinely pans the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska on both her own show and on the more popular “The View”. Remember the time when she countered co-host Elisabeth Hasselback’s contention that Palin shows her courage on her TLC show when she encounters the wild? Behar said,

“But, the question is, does she have the courage to come on ‘The View’? That would be the point. Forget the bears. How about the mama bears here?”

Even some folks at the ever-friendly Fox News network have joined the Palin-bashing parade. Two weeks ago on “Fox News Sunday”, Fox News contributor and former Bush White House Press Secretary Dana Perino said,

“It’s weird to at night be having a camping trip with Kate Gosselin, Kate Plus 8, and then the next morning read in USA Today this very serious and thoughtful piece about a nuclear Iran.” While Perino pointed out that many politicians have people do their writing for them, this “discordance” could be a problem for Palin in particular. “It doesn’t sound like her when you read the materials,” she said. “And authenticity matters almost more than ever, and I think that’s what mattered in 2010, and people wanted not to just hear the message, they wanted to hear the authenticity of it.”

Come to think of it, even Kate Gosselin could not “bear” the thought of spending the night with Palin and co.

Comedian Kathy Griffin has taken a different path. She said that she will lay-off the attacks against Sarah, Todd and daughter Bristol for awhile. She added however, that her New Year’s resolution is to target Sarah Palin’s 16-year-old daughter, Willow. She recently told The Hollywood Reporter,

“I’ve already gone for Sarah, Todd and Bristol obviously. But I think it’s Willow’s year to go down. In 2011, I want to offend a new Palin. She’s called people a fa—t on Facebook a couple of times. “You don’t throw around the f-word without hearing from me about it.”

Griffin of course, was commenting on the young Palin’s recent Facebook postings wherein she tossed around the F-Bomb (both the homophobic and curse word varities) like her mother tosses a word salad.

Recently even Roseanne Barr (remember her?) has joined the act. Barr said she doesn’t like Palin even though they both portray themselves as down-home regular folks. She said,

“I feel she’s ripping off my act. She’s not even telling the truth to the American people. I think she took a lot from me and from my show, absolutely.”

Another comedian, Margaret Cho had this to say of Palin,

“At first I thought Sarah Palin was some kind of Republican pandering — a misguided attempt to woo Hillary voters over to the dark side, as if they believed women voters were so stupid that they would vote for anyone in skirt, but now I see that she is much, much worse. I have nothing against hockey moms — I just don’t want to be one. If Sarah Palin had her way, she would take away that right not to be a mom. She wants to outlaw abortion — so to call her a feminist is as laughable as calling evangelicals ‘Christians.’ They shouldn’t have the right to call themselves Christian, for they have no Christ-like attributes. I am a feminist and a Christian — and when I see Sarah Palin — I see neither.”

Boston’s very own Matt Damon (you know, Jason Bourne), the Harvard educated actor is also not fond of Sarah Palin. While running against the Obama ticket, he had this to say of the “pitbull with lipstick”,

“You do the actuary tables, there’s a one out of three chance, if not more, that McCain doesn’t survive his first term, and it’ll be President Palin. … It’s like a really bad Disney movie, “The Hockey Mom.” Oh, I’m just a hockey mom from Alaska, and she’s president. She’s facing down Vladimir Putin and using the folksy stuff she learned at the hockey rink. It’s absurd.”

Of course not all celebrities dislike the “Queen of Quit”. The ever sober and erudite Lindsay Lohan beamed,

“I think the real problem comes from the fact that we are taking the focus off getting to know Sarah Palin and her political views, and what she can do to make our country a less destructive place. It’s distracting from the real issues, the real everyday problems that this country experiences.”

‘Nuff said.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s pseudo-rap inspired song parody.

Loser song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ut5A_r5iiOg

SHE”S A PINHEAD, BABY

(sung to the Beck song “Loser”)

From the town of Wasilla, she’s like Godzilla
She’s lame in the brain and she endorsed Joseph Miller
With her winking eyeballs, Sarah loves those catcalls
Barbie doll shouts out to those G.I. Joes
On the far right they think she’s beautiful
Sarah Palin is a loser with no self-control
Sarah’s the Queen-O of the Tea Party
Just a bunch of dumb slouches marching to her beat
Pundits keep sayin’ she’s insane with no brain
Her daughter’s shotgun wedding was blasted into dirt
She writes crib-notes just below her sleeve
She was a Governor for awhile but she said she had to leave
She shoves her face in each race with her bark
Hates people with food stamps that live in those big trailer parks

Yo, cut it

Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(Double-barrel buckshot)
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly

Palin is evil, thank John for this nightmare
Blasts country music in her book-signing chamber
Just a scheming weasel and she comes wrapped in a flag
Hails from the North Pole, this oil-pimping Tea-Hag
Loves her “Sixpack Joes” cuz First Dude has no job
Nothing more than Sarah’s house-husband slob
Sarah-baby pulls all of the strings
Snapped a turkey’s neck while she’s talking on that TV thing
She can’t write and she can’t debate
Stealing cash like a thief from her fans that think she’s great
Never bothers with any facts, … she’s wrong more than she’s right
While preachin’ to her minions

Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(She’s in the stardumb bizznizz)
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(“Thanks but no thanks”)

Yo, bring her down

Soooooooooooo…
(She’s a liar, she’s a sinner, brings no hope or change, can’t you feel it?)

Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(She says, “also too”)
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(Is that her baby?)
Oh, gosh darn it don’t you know
She’s a pinhead baby, the pride of Wasilly
(Know what I’m sayin’?)

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Newt Gingrich Is A Rotten, Stinking Liar

Remember when all the “serious” conservatives belittled President Barack Obama’s appearance on the “The View” last month? They said that an appearance on such a show demeaned the Presidency. Just wondering, but does the appearance on such a show demean a prospective presidential candidate? If so, then Limbaugh, Coulter, Malkin and all the talking heads at Fox News better start criticizing Newt Gingrich.

The philandering and disgraced former Republican Speaker of the House and potential G.O.P. presidential candidate appeared with Barbara, Whoopi and Co. on Tuesday morning. As soon as he took his position at the coffee table, he immediately began lying and misleading the show’s hosts and audience. The man who recently proclaimed that President Obama’s administration “represents as great a threat to America as Nazi Germany or the Soviet Union once did”, and overtly criticisized then candidate Obama’s 2008 trip and speech in Germany, now appears to idolize all things German. He especially loves the German health care system.

Gingrich vomited a diatribe on what a truly great nation Germany is and why the United States should emulate its policies. How’s that for “American exceptionalism” and patriotism? What would Gingrich and the Republicans have to say if a Democrat expressed that opinion? When one of the show’s hosts agreed with him and then questioned if whether Germany’s universal health care system should also be applauded, Gingrich started with the lies and misinformation.

To begin, he claimed that Germany has a private health care system which is run by over 350 private insurance companies with minimal government funding, supervision or regulatory authority. He then lied by saying that German citizens privately purchase their own health care insurance policies from these private insurers and that they can change their plans and providers whenever they choose. In essence, Gingrich stated that Germany’s health care system is even more privatized than the American system was prior to this year’s health care reform legislation. In the words of Stephen Colbert, Gingrich’s characterization of Germany’s health care system was devoid of “truthiness”.

The truth is, that Germany has Europe’s oldest universal health care system which dates back to 1883 with changes made thereafter. Currently 85% of the population is covered by a basic health insurance plan provided by statute, which provides a standard level of coverage. The remainder opt for private health insurance, which frequently offers additional benefits. According to the World Health Organization, Germany’s health care system is 77% government-funded and 23% privately funded. Additionally, the government partially reimburses the costs for low-wage workers, whose premiums are capped at a predetermined value. Higher wage earners pay a premium based on their salary. Those higher earners may also opt for private insurance, which is generally more expensive, but whose price may vary based on the individual’s health status.

Germany has a universal multi-payer system with two main types of health insurance, public and private.

Public Insurance

All salaried employees must have a public health insurance. Only public officers, self-employed people and employees with a large income above c. €50,000 (adjusted yearly) may join the private system.

In the public system the premium

  • is set by the Federal Ministry of Health based on a fixed set of covered services as described in the German Social Law (Sozialgesetzbuch – SGB), which limits those services to “economically viable, sufficient, necessary and meaningful services”
  • is not dependent on an individual’s health condition, but a percentage of salaried income (typically 10-15%, depending on the public health insurance company one is in, where half of that is paid by the employer)
  • includes family members of any family members, or “registered member” ( Familienversicherung – i.e. husband/wife and children are free)
  • is a “pay as you go” system – there is no saving for an individual’s higher health costs with rising age or existing conditions.

Private Insurance

In the private system the premium

  • is based on an individual agreement between the insurance company and the individual defining the set of covered services and the percentage of coverage
  • depends on the amount of services chosen and the individual risk and entrance age into the private system
  • is used to build up savings for the rising health costs at higher age (required by law)

A person that opts out of the public health insurance system and gets private health insurance can not go back later to the public system, even if income drops below the level required for private selection. Since private health insurance is usually more expensive than public health insurance one will be required to pay the higher premiums with less income.

In short, the German health care system is much closer to a full government funded and strictly government regulated system than is the health care system in the United States even subsequent to the passage of the health care reform act this year. Newt Gingrich however, does not want you to know this. The reason? Because he will lie and misinform whenever he believes that it will further his failed conservative agenda. It is unfortunate that none of the more liberal hosts of “The View” had a better understanding of the German system so as to call Gingrich on his lies. Indeed, even the conservative Elisabeth Hasselbeck was out of her league on the topic as evidenced by her only question to Gingrich which was, “Are you a FaceBook friend of Sarah Palin?” Shallow is as shallow does!

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s parody.

The Grinch That Stole Christmas song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPBS7dVrE1U

YOU’RE A HAS-BEEN, NEWT GINGRICH

(sung to the Dr. Seuss song “The Grinch That Stole Christmas”)

You’re a has-been, Newt Gingrich
You’re lacking in appeal
Your were ousted as The Speaker
No one wants to hear you squeal
Newt Gingrich

You’re a unicycle
Without even one wheel

You’ve had three wives, Newt Gingrich
A mistress in the hole
Philandering’s your day job
You’re a slimy ugly troll
Newt Gingich

These woman that like you, must
Be on work-release or parole

You’re a vile one, Newt Gingrich
Your words reek with rancid bile
Your criticizing ol’ Bill Clinton
As you’re cheating all the while
Newt Gingrich

There couldn’t be a bigger hypocrite
Within a Midwest country mile

You’re a foul one, Newt Gingrich
Your first divorce smelled of skunk
Your wife, Jackie fighting cancer
You told her she was junk
Newt Gingrich

The nicest words to describe you,
Are, as follows, and I quote, Pink. Wank, Punk

You’re a coward, Newt Gingrich
Avoided your army spot
Deferment-seeking chicken-hawk
That likes to talk real tough
Newt Gingrich

Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing
With the most disgraceful assortment of Republican
Sound-bytes imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots

You’re the racist, Newt Gingrich
It’s not Judge Sotomayor
You play the race card as a white guy
That’s so laughable I’m sure
Newt Gingrich

You’re a stinking pile of vomit
Sitting in the sun
With feces on top

Bristol and Levi Say, “Let’s Get Real”

Bristol Palin shooting the pilot episode of "Tripp Knows Best"

Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off hopes that all of you regular readers had a happy and healthy weekend. Now, let’s get back back to the fun and juicy stuff, shall we?

A number of media outlets including the Toronto Star, E Online and Scify.com are confirming the rumor that the reunited Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston have been trying to shop a reality television series about themselves just like media hog Sarah Palin did. TMZ.com reports that the couple plans to use baby Tripp as an integral part of the show. Gee, using your minor children as publicity props, where did Bristol and Levi ever come up with that novel idea?

Finding a network to air the show might be a problem for the on-again, off-again, on-again lovers, however. The New York post quoted one network executive as saying, “Don’t think we should do it. Neither of them have personalities.” Joy Behar of The View said, “It’s like Romeo and Juliet in Wasilla.”

Even the late night talk show hosts have taken notice of the born again virgin’s reconciliation with the high school drop-out. Jay Leno said,

This week Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston reveal exclusively to Us Weekly – my bible – that they are getting married. Sarah Palin, allegedly, is not happy about this because she feels they barely know each other and they are making a big committment – kind of like when John McCain picked her for vice president. I understand it’s not going to be a traditional wedding. Rumor is that Bristol has asked Levi to wear his camouflage hunting vest – which would be the closest he’s ever come to wearing protection of any kind.

David Letterman quipped,

You guys remember Levi Johnston? He’ll be arriving in at the church tied to Sarah Palin’s pickup.

We can’t wait to hear what Craig Ferguson has to say on the subject.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Reunited song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZOhm7qS-AI

REUNITED

(sung to the Peaches and Herb song “Reunited”)

(Levi’s verse)
Let’s pool our dough and buy a double-wide
When I get home I’ll give you quite a ride
I want you so bad cuz it makes Sarah so mad
I realize I like you when you’re on your back, hey-hey

(Bristol’s verse)
I have my very own Plumber-Joe
Let’s do it with Rush on the radio
If I start to gush we can get help from the Dutch
I know now that I love you though you don’t know much, hey-hey

(Chorus)
Reunited, right here on the hood
Reunited, Levi’s sporting wood
First Dude don’t like it and Sarah’s pitching a fit
We’ll both be extradited cuz we’re reunited, hey-hey

(Levi’s verse)
I got so tired of my blow-up doll
And all the fellas in the men’s room stall
They said I’d go blind if I pulled on what was mine
I did whatever I could just to earn a dime, hey-hey

(Bristol’s verse)
I took a beatin’ honey, every day
Cuz that’s the Sarah Palin lovin’ way
Her voice is a hiss, she has a venomous kiss
Her skin looks like old leather from some deep abyss, hey-hey

(Chorus)
Reunited, this time it’s for good
Reunited, off to Hollywood
We’re a perfect fit, that Sarah she don’t know shit
We hope she gets indicted, we would be excited, hey-hey

(Levi and Bristol’s verse)
Oh,
Holy Mother, we’re so much in love
And Sarah Palin blames the Lord above
We are not gay and we are both white
So we don’t understand why she says its not right, hey-hey

(Chorus)
Reunited, this time it’s for good
Reunited, we’re misunderstood
We’re a perfect fit, that Sarah she don’t know shit
The world is so excited cuz we’re reunited, hey-hey

Ann Coulter: The Sweet Transvestite?

transsexual

We haven’t visited with the Wicked Witch of the East in some time. However, inasmuch as this is Halloween week, there could not be a more appropriate time to reaquaint ourselves with Ann Coulter. He is of course, the uber-reich-wing columnist/author that nobody but viewers of Fox News would know or care about. Well, the Coulter-Thing reared its ugly head yet again last week.

Coulter was a guest last week on The Joy Behar Show. When presented with the fact that President Obama has faced more death threats than any president in history under the protection of the Secret Service, Coulter irrationally responded that if something were to happen, it would most likely be at the hands of a liberal. She said:

Every presidential assassination or attempted presidential assassination has been committed by some left wing loon, communist, anarchist, commutarians–yes they were!–or they had no politics at all. They were all liberals!

Although it is true that many of these assassins were political left wingers, Coulter conveniently made no reference to the most famous presidential assassin of all, John Wilkes Booth. Abraham Lincoln was considered to be quite liberal. He was in favor of a multi-ethnic immigrant society to be employed by industry and he was certainly a proponent of a strong activist central government. Booth on the other hand, was an aristocratic proponent of slavery and the  Southern agrarian lifestyle. Hardly a liberal was Booth.

Coulter’s retort however, clouds the more important aspect of Behar’s statement. That is, that the sitting president has faced an enormous amount of death threats. In light of last year’s release of an FBI memo which called for heightened scrutiny of right wing groups that may take to violent action, it is unlikely that a left leaning group or person would attempt to harm this particular left leaning president. Does Coulter believe that President Obama is more likely to face danger from say Acorn or MoveOn.org than from one of those gun-toting Tea-Baggers, the KKK or some gun rights protecting militia? If so, then this guy’s grasp of the political landscape is as mixed-up as his gender.

Speaking of gender, there have been rumors circulating on the internets tubes for some time now which advance the proposition that Ann Coulter is actually a male. Most of these articles focus on a few missing years during his adolescence when he presumably left the country to have a sex change operation overseas. The articles also often draw attention to his pronounced Adam’s Apple and masculine looking hands. Additionally, it is frequently pointed out that he has never been married or had children.

Here at Blast-Off, we have no idea as to the credibility of the Mann Coulter rumors. We do, however hope said rumors are true because of the wealth of satirical material which such a situation would spawn. As you can guess, we really do not like Ann Coulter or anything he has to say. So, without further adieu, let’s have a song…

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Sweet Transvestite song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Enr4W6FsSpk

SWEET TRANSVESTITE

(sung to the Tim Curry song from The Rocky Horror Picture ShowSweet Transvestite”)

How do you do?
I see you’ve met the trusty camera man
He has just a little frown because,
This is Fox
He thought you were that Hannity man
Don’t get strung out by the way I look
I’m just that schnook Ms. Ann Coulter
I’m somewhat of a man by the light of day
But by night O’Reilly runs for cover
I’m just a sweet transvestite
And I am not from Pennsylvania

Coulter shows you around and makes a manly sound
This he/she thinks he’s pretty groovy
But if he wants something visual
To make him feel dismal
He makes himself watch Michael Moore movies

Coulter might throw you a bone
If he likes your cologne
And you look a bit like O’Reilly

Right!

The more right-wing you are
Ann will pinch your cigar
And tell you his whole life story

Cuz Coulter loves to chit-chat
It’s tit for tat
That guy is really manic
He’s a fright of a sight
Something did not go right
His surgery performed by mechanics
Ann’s just a sweet transvestite
But he is not from Pennsylvania
He’ll wish the lights were not bright

Right!

His skirt is too tight!

Tight!

Ann Coulter has one secret confession
He is really a man
With blonde hair and a tan
But that life caused so much needless tension
Ann’s just a sweet transvestite
But he is not from Pennsylvania
Hit it! Hit it!
Ann’s just a sweet transvestite

Sweet Transvestite!

Or Transexual!

He/she mania!

Had some work in the lab
You can still see the scab
Ann Coulter sure is an abomi…nation
It’s surely his brain
That is really to blame
So let’s remove the cause
But not the symptom.

Masculine Ann Coulter Defends Insane Sarah Palin

coulterTime magazine

Ann Coulter the gender confused right wing pundit appeared on the Joy Behar Show yesterday and defended Sarah Palin’s outlandish “death panel” claims with regard to health care reform proposals. Behar succinctly pointed out the lack of veracity with regard to the claim that voluntary physician/patient consultations regarding the use of such things as durable powers of attorney, medical proxies and advance directives will lead to a government imposed policy of persuading elders to end their lives. Coulter however could not face reason. Instead, in an attempt to defend Palin, he claimed that as the result of the fact that doctors would be paid for such consultations, it was obvious that such action constitutes government mandated death sentences. Coulter is simply a prime example of someone that is “blinded by the right.”

Coulter also tried to bolster the ex-quitting governor Palin by stating that Palin draws large audiences in part because of her coherence. Behar found that statement to be laughable and said, “Ann, I like you, but the woman is not coherent. She can’t construct a sentence.” Watch the video here.

There have been rumors circulating on the internets tubes for some time now which advance the proposition that Ann Coulter is actually a male. Most of these articles focus on a few missing years during his adolescence when he presumably left the country to have a sex change operation overseas. The articles also often draw attention to his pronounced Adam’s Apple and masculine looking hands. Additionally, it is frequently pointed out that he has never been married or had children.

Here at Blast-Off, we have no idea as to the credibility of the Mann Coulter rumors. We do, however hope said rumors are true because of the wealth of satirical material which such a situation would spawn. As you can guess, we really do not like Ann Coulter or anything he has to say. So, without further adieu, let’s have a song…

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along to the song parody.

I Wanna Be Sedated song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FxaJKm9sdI

ANN WANTS TO BE CASTRATED

(sung to the Ramones song “I Wanna Be Sedated”)

Twenty-twenty-twenty Mann-hours to go, Ann wants to be castrated
Nice new hairdo and nothing that show-o-ohs, his sex can be debated
Get Coulter to the airport and put him on a plane
Hurry, hurry, hurry the surgery’s in Spain
He only wants ten fingers and a woman’s brain
Oh no no no no no

Twenty-twenty-twenty Mann hours to go, Ann wants to be castrated
Nice new hairdo and nothing that show-o-ohs ,his sex can be debated
Just slather his legs with Nair then he’ll be a dame
Hurry, hurry, hurry before he goes insane
He looks a lot like Klinger isn’t that a shame?
Oh no no no no no

Twenty-twenty-twenty Mann-hours to go till his breasts are inflated
Get some new shoes, Ann’s ready to go-o-o, the change has been belated
Put Coulter in that wheelchair, let’s begin the show
Hurry, hurry, hurry before it starts to grow
He wants some girlie sneakers and new Ann Taylor clothes
Oh no no no no no

Twenty-twenty-twenty Mann hours to go, Ann wants to be castrated
Boobs that are new and sheer nylon hose, Ann wants to be castrated
Just put Ann in a wheelchair, let’s begin the show
Hurry, hurry, hurry he wants to be a ‘ho
Trinkets on his fingers and trinkets on his toes
Oh no no no no no

Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba Ann wants to be castrated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba Ann wants to be castrated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba Ann wants to be castrated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba Ann wants to be castrated