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Get Out The Butter, Herman Cain Is Toast!

As usual, we ask that you click on the song link here before reading this blog post so that you may enjoy some very appropriate background music which we now refer to as “Herman’s Theme”.

Where there is smoke, there is fire and where there is Herman Cain, there is extramarital action.

Another woman came forward yesterday with claims of marital misconduct on the part of Republican Presidential candidate Herman Cain. Cain’s infidelity count has now risen to 5. In his defense however, we must remember that 5 is a very small number in that Cain has stated that he expects there to be an “infinite number” of new claims against him. Who knew that during his time as CEO of Godfathers’ Pizza, Herman was actually out making deliveries to all these lonely women while his wife sat at home darning his socks?

As you all probably know by now, a woman named Ginger White has come forward with the claim that she had a 13 year sexual affair with Herman Cain which ended just prior to his announcement that he would seek the Presidency. Ms. White alleges that Cain initiated the affair and that he told her that he was married. She states that Cain flew her to hotels around the country to stay with him during his business travels for the National Restaurant Association. She said, ““It was pretty simple. It wasn’t complicated. I was aware that he was married. And I was also aware I was involved in a very inappropriate situation, relationship.” Hey, at least this woman welcomed his advances (unlike all the others). She describes Cain as, “Very much the same, very much confident, very much sure of himself. Very arrogant in a playful sometimes way. Very, ah — Herman Cain loves Herman Cain.” And everybody else too!

Of course, this most recent allegation of sexual misconduct on the part of Herman Cain follows closely on the 4 other recent charges of sexual harassment which have been levied against him. This guy gets around. Will he now feel that he has a “good reason to” to take that lie detector test which he conditionally agreed to her during his November 8th press conference? Will Cain double-down on his “I have never acted inappropriately with anyone, period.” statement? Enquiring minds want to know! We also want to know how many other women are about to go public. Perhaps Cain’s 9-9-9 plan represents 9 allegations of sexual misconduct, 9 denials and 9 more women just waiting in the wings.

How long now before Herman Cain does the “honorable thing” and bows out of the presidential race like John Edwards in 2008? Get out the butter, because Herman Cain is toast.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Rock You Like A Hurricane song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OI2COawqMJQ

FONDLED BY OL’ HERMAN CAIN

 (sung to the Scorpions song “Rock You Like A Hurricane”)

You had no warning
No time to shout
Now you are shaking
Time to speak out
Herm Cain was purring
And stroking your skin
Something’s gone wrong
He’s done it again
His lips looked hungry
And his breath smelled
What’s with those pinches?
Tell me, pray tell
Cain is a bum
His speech slurred and slow
You want to leave but…
Herm won’t let you go

Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain
Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain

Cain says he is yearning
Don’t try to shout
This liar is cunning
There is no doubt
Done this for ages
Plies gals with booze
Tries to get naked
Lets no-one refuse
His fingers crawling
Cain’s a real pro
When Herm is hungry
He runs the show
He’s lickin’ his lips
Now he’s movin’ in
On the hunt tonight
He took off his ring

Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain
Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain
Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain
Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain

Fondled by ol’ Herman Cain!

(9-9-9 tax break)

It’s Wednesday morning
The truth comes out
Herm Cain is shaking
He’s done no doubt
His deeds recurring
Over again
Campaign’s long gone
In light of his sins
He’s so appalling
The world now knows
Despite his money
He’s a side-show
He’s a sinking ship
Despite all his spin
His wife leaves tonight
It’s over for him

Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain
Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain
Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain
Here I am, fondled by ol’ Herman Cain
Here I am.

M’Ann Coulter Is An Anti-Semitic Gutless Supporter Of Frontrunners

The Man-Thing is back in the news. Ultra Reich-Wing pundit Ann Coulter appeared on CNN’s “Piers Morgan Tonight” and pulled a Mitt Romneyesque flip-flop regarding who he supports for the Republican nomination for President.

The anti-Semitic Coulter you might remember once said,  “We just want Jews to be perfected, as they say.” –arguing that it would be better if we were all Christian. He of course has said some other bombastic things such as “”If I’m going to say anything about John Edwards in the future, I’ll just wish he had been killed in a terrorist assassination plot.” He also said, “These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by griefparrazies. I have never seen people enjoying their husband’s deaths so much.” -on 9/11 widows who have been critical of the Bush administration. How about when he said, “My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building” ? How about this gem, “I think the government should be spying on all Arabs, engaging in torture as a televised spectator sport, dropping daisy cutters wantonly throughout the Middle East and sending liberals to Guantanamo.”? Anyway, you get the point. Ann Coulter is lower than a worm.

But we digress. Last night on CNN, Coulter praised Mitt Romney, the founder of the “personal mandate” to purchase health insurance which is the integral part of both RomneyCare in Massachusetts and our new national health care law. He told Morgan, the economy is such a disaster and Obama has such a glass jaw that we might even win with Romney. And Romney isn’t a disaster … I like him.”  This is a far cry from just last February when, while speaking at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), Coulter said “If you don’t run Chris Christie, Romney will be the nominee and we’ll lose.”

Wow! Coulter now likes Romney. He is even beginning to act like Romney as evidenced by his sudden change of opinion regarding the former Massachusetts Governor. Like Romney, who has changed his position on such issues as a woman’s right to choose, firearm regulation and immigration reform multiple times, Coulter is also now a flip-flopper. What we really learned about Coulter however, is that he has no personal convictions. He will support whatever Republican candidate is leading the pack at any given time.

Case in point. In February of 2008 Coulter said this about Republican John McCain. “And what if the unthinkable happens, and President McCain is inaugurated? I’ve led an impeachment movement before, Coulter said, and “I can lead another one.” Later, after McCain won the Republican nomination, he sang a different tune. He began to publicly support McCain’s candidacy.

In short, like Mitt Romney, none of Ann Coulter’s words can be believed with the possible exception being when he said. “I’m more of a man than any liberal.” This guy is a true jack-hole.

As an aside, there have been rumors circulating on the internets tubes for some time now which advance the proposition that Ann Coulter is actually a male. Most of these articles focus on a few missing years during his adolescence when he presumably left the country to have a sex-change operation overseas. The articles also often draw attention to his pronounced Adam’s Apple and masculine looking hands. Additionally, it is frequently pointed out that he has never been married or had children.

Here at Blast-Off, we have no idea as to the credibility of the M’ann Coulter rumors. We do, however hope said rumors are true because of the wealth of satirical material which such a situation would spawn. As you can guess, we really do not like Ann Coulter or anything he has to say. So, without further adieu, let’s have a song…

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Band On The Run song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7D65IomNYY

M’ANN ON THE RUN

(sung to the Paul McCartney and Wings song “Band On The Run”)

Just a boy with no friends, thinking that he’s clever,
Never havin’ no fun nights again, quite true,
Coulter you, Coulter you.

(sex-change break)

Spreading his politics of fear,
Hating you if you’re Black or gay,
Not a hint of veracity,
Does not know any other way
A transsexual without peer.
A transsexual without peer.

Well the rain exploded with a mighty crash when the Coulters had a son,
And before you know it he was growing his hair but he put it in a bun
M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run
Coulter had a plan not to be a man. A sex change would be so fun

For the M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run,

Next he put mascara on his manly eyes, but he lacked a curvy bum
And as he was singing, he let down his hair. He was having so much fun
M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run
Coulter had a plan not to be a man. A sex change would be so fun

Yeah the M’Ann on the run, the M’Ann on the run,
Yeah the M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run

Well, Fox News was calling as the right-wing world produced another clown
And the sound he’s making, unbalanced not fair, rumbles through the underground
M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run

Always touting “Drudge” and loves to judge
Research reveals this bore

He’s a M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run, M’Ann on the run…

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 26

Just a few noteworthy political meteorites and comments thereon that have been careening around the galaxy this past week.

BREAKING NEWS: This past week during an on-air radio broadcast that he shared with crazy  Michele Bachmann (Tea Party) MN, Arlen Specter (D) PA was repeatedly interrupted by the nutcase until he found it necessary to put her in her place. Politico.com reports that Bachmann first laid out her agenda — cutting taxes and killing President Obama’s health reform bill — at considerable length. When Arlen Specter tried to counter, Bachmann, darling of the Tea Party movement, kept on talking, which didn’t sit well with the one-time Philadelphia DA, who is a stickler for politeness and protocol. “I’m going to treat you like a lady,” Mr. Specter shot back. “Now act like one.” When Bachmann continued to interrupt him on at least two more occasions, Specter again told her to “act like a lady” each time. Bachmann seems to be suffering from a case of “Once, Twice, Three times not a lady”!

THIS JUST IN: John Edwards is actually the father of his mistress’ baby? Wow, we never saw that one coming!

BREAKING NEWS: Last Thursday, the five conservative, activist U.S.  Supreme Court Justices effectively transferred the power of electing politicians from the people of the United States to corporations (including foreign controlled domestic corporations). In the case of Citizens United v. Federal Elections Commission the Supreme Court effectively wiped out corporate campaign spending limits and now corporations can open their almost limitless coffers to influence elections throughout the United States. The net result is that business friendly Republican candidates will benefit while Democratic party candidates will be penalized. It will be interesting to see how the Tea-Baggers react to the decision. After all, the Tea Party prides itself on returning power to the people and its members are steadfast in their opposition to recent corporate bailouts. Consequently, common sense would dictate that the Tea-Baggers would be furious at the decision. The problem is that the Tea-Baggers in general are uneducated, gun-toting dolts and probably cannot read well enough to understand the implications of the decision. Your next President may be brought to you by the generosity of Sony Corporation.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “This Guy Gets Creepier Every Day” features newly elected Massachusetts Republican Senator Scott Brown. First he posed nude for a Cosmopolitan magazine centerfold. Then, at his election victory party he pimped out his daughters by announcing that they are both available. Now a strange photo of Brown and his daughters has surfaced in which Scott leeringly smiles while hugging his teeny-weeny-bikini clad daughters. Maybe it is just me, but every time I am exposed to Scott Brown, I feel the need to take a shower thereafter.

BREAKING NEWS: “RIP” Air America Radio. We are sad to announce that the progressive radio network filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection last Thursday and ceased all live broadcasting. Let’s hope that another stronger voice for progressive politics will be born in the near future.

THIS JUST IN: The Tea Party movement suffered another embarrassment last week. Marine Sgt. Charles Dyer a/k/a “July4Patriot” and outspoken member of the “Oath Keepers” bloc of the Tea Party movement has been arrested on charges of rape of a child and forced sodomy. Additionally during the search of his home, authorities uncovered several firearms and a grenade launcher. This is just another example of a Tea-Bagger being a dangerous lunatic.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Don’t Make Me Get My Irish Up” features me. My anger is directed at the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas and its God Hates Ireland Website. The Irish nation has recently passed laws which prohibit discrimination based upon sexual preference. Here is what the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kansas had to say about that,

Ireland has absolutely failed its duty to God. It has been wholly given over to the idea that it is okay to be a filthy fag. They have allowed their fags to establish themselves at every level of society, especially in the government. A law called “An Act to Prohibit Incitement to Hatred on Account of Sexual Orientation” has been enacted by the wicked lawmakers in Ireland to eliminate any true gospel preaching there.

How’s that for a big heaping dose of loving Christianity? Pat Robertson would feel right at home with this group of haters.

THIS JUST IN: For those of you that are interested in removing moon-bat crazy Michele Bachmann from office, here are a couple of blogs that you might want to take a look at;

Dump Bachmann, and Michelle Bachmann for President…of Crazy

BREAKING NEWS: The website CultureMap.com has an interesting article about a potential feud between Fox News’ two most outlandishly foolish pundits. They anticipate a turf war between Glenn “My Crying Eyes” Beck and Sarah “My Winking Eyes” Palin.

Reports are surfacing that Glenn Beck is concerned he might be pushed out of his coveted time slot with Fox News and replaced by former Alaska Governor and GOP vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin.

There doesn’t seem to be any love lost between these two political media heavy weights. Beck has already predicted that Palin won’t get the Republican nomination in 2012. “I’ve decided that Sarah Palin cannot be president of the United States until she can eviscerate somebody like you,” Beck told Bill O’Reilly in a recent Fox News broadcast. “She’s playing defense right now, and I’m not convinced she wants to be president.” Beck has not been too kind towards Palin since she joined Fox News. “I’ve never met anybody with shields up more than Sarah Palin,” he said.

Meanwhile, Palin is linked with every new Republican star that wins an election. Blogs are now teaming her with Scott Brown as a potential vice presidential pick if she wins the nomination, even though that’s a long way off. Brown won Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat in Massachusetts in an upset of epic proportions. There are even suggestions Beck and Palin could battle it out over who becomes the de facto leader of the surging “Tea Party”  expected to play a crucial role in this fall’s elections.

As usual, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourelves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s double helping of song parodies. One for Glenn Beck and one for Sarah Palin. Please enjoy.

Crazy song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmLS_jkxPRs

HE’S CRAZY

(sung to the Patsy Cline song “Crazy”)

Crazy
Glenn Beck is a demented phony
He’s crazy
Marbles? He’s missing a few

We knew
He was one of Bellevue’s “Most Wanted”
And that someday
He’d make an asylum debut

Sorry
Beck’s on a mental safari
Wondrin’
How did he go so koo-koo

Oh, crazy
Glenn’s crazy and back on the home brew
There’s no use denyin’
Beck can’t stop cryin’
Glenn Beck’s crazy
And stupid too

Crazy
We’re not sure that Beck’s not sniffing glue
It seems like he’s flyin’
We’re not just implyin’
Glenn Beck’s crazy
We know it’s true

Crazy song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmLS_jkxPRs

CRAZY

(sung to the Patsy Cline song “Crazy”)

Crazy
Palin is chock-full of baloney
She’s crazy
Crazy and without a clue

We knew
She’s psychologically haunted
And that someday
She’d make her asylum debut

Sorry
She could be a guest on Maury
Wondrin’
How did she go so koo-koo

Oh, crazy
As crazy as her husband, First Dude
There’s no use denyin’
Cheatin’ and lyin’
Sarah’s crazy
We know it’s true

Crazy
We’re not sure if Palin’s sniffing glue
It seems like she’s flyin’
We’re not just implyin’
Sarah’s crazy
We know it’s true

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