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Today Is Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off’s First Birthday!!!

What began as a fun little pastime has blossomed into a year’s worth of blogging. In December of 2008 yours truly was recovering from knee surgery and as a means to fight the boredom of the passive motion machine, I  started perusing the comment sections of various blogs that I happened upon. Soon thereafter, I too began leaving comments of a political nature. Then, to have some fun, I began to post a few political song parodies based upon 1960’s and 1970’s television theme songs. Eventually I began to spend most of my time on a blog known as The Mudflats because I enjoyed the numerous posts about Sarah Palin.

By the early Spring  my comments were solely of the musical kind. To be honest however, my frequent postings seemed to annoy a number of The Mudflats‘ readers who desired more prose than poems. At that point the Mudflats‘ administrator suggested that I start a blog of my own (probably to get rid of me). The idea sounded great but impossible for this computer challenged scribe. I did not even know what the word blog meant (by the way, I still don’t). Thankfully, the friendly neighborhood Mudflats administrator held my hand and walked me through the process of creating what you are reading today. I remain forever thankful.

Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off debuted on May 13, 2009. Nobody noticed. Little by little however, the readership increased. the increasing traffic encouraged me to carry on. The task was made easier by Sarah Palin’s ever escalating shenanigans over last Summer and Fall. Palin and her crazy family were simply spoon-feeding material to comment upon. In fact, she provided so much material that I ran out of television theme songs. Consequently, I was forced to venture into the world of popular music for the song parodies. Although the pop music world seemed to unveil a limitless number of songs it also made the task of parody more difficult. You see, pop songs are a lot longer and have way more lyrics than television theme songs. Somehow we persevered and here we are today celebrating our first birthday.

I thank each and every one of you for stopping by over the last 12 months. I would especially like to thank those that leave a comment now and again. Those comments provide a sense of worthiness as well as new material for later posts. Once again, I thank all of you.

Today’s song parody is autobiographical in nature and explains the purpose of this blog.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

I Write The Songs song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-fev20voMc

I WRITE THE SONGS

(sung to the Barry Manilow song “I Write The Songs”)

I sling the jive whenever,
I sit down and scribble a song
I put the words and Republicans together
I love music,
And I love these songs

I write the songs that I hope you folks sing
I write the songs to dethrone G.O.P. kings
I write the songs that expose all their lies
I write the songs, I write the songs

I’m from a state that’s deep blue,
And we make a damned good lobster roll
No, there aren’t many right wing guys
There’s some but then, all of them are very old

I write the songs that attack the right wing
I write the songs that I hope linger and sting
I write the songs that prompt Glenn Beck to cry
I write the songs, I write the songs

Oh, I’ll take a hostile stance
When Limbaugh begins to rave and rant
And I’ll lead you to a poll, he can’t disprove
Palin has no heart,
So, I will tear her life apart
Hannity, Coulter too,
Also, too, O’Reilly
None of them can hide from me !!!

I write the songs about Mark Sanford’s flings
I write the songs about Larry Craig’s stings
I write the songs about Mark Foley’s guys
I write the songs, I write the songs

I write the songs about Joe Wilson’s slings
I write the songs of Vitter’s diapery things
I write the songs about all of those guys
I write the songs, I write the songs

I love music, so I write these songs


Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 9

coffee_or_tea_1

BREAKING NEWS: San Francisco radio station 910 KNEW, the flagship station of reich-wing uber-conservative radio commentator, Michael Savage, has dropped his program known as “The Savage Nation.” Now that he is unemployed, will he be able to obtain replacement health insurance coverage despite his pre-existing condition of clinical insanity?

THIS JUST IN: Republican Congressman Joe Wilson of South Carolina burst into the public consciousness last week when he called President Obama a “liar” during the President’s nationally televised speech before both houses of Congress. Every single major media source reported the man’s abominable behavior for the next number of days. We have learned that Wilson has been in Congress for almost eight years. Our question to you readers is, have you ever even heard of this loser before he made a fool of himself?

BREAKING NEWS: In our next installment of “Republicans Behaving Badly” we have California State Assemblyman, Mike Duvall. The traditional “family values” proponent was forced to resign last week as the result of the release of an audio tape during which he describes his bondage sessions with mistresses that do not happen to be his wife. It also turns out that one of his “bad girls” works as a lobbyist at a San Diego energy firm that Duvall had oversight of. Your punishment, Mr. Duvall? Fifty-four spankings!

THIS JUST IN: As a counter-punch to the mayor of Mt. Vernon, WA presenting the “Town Key” to Fox News commentator Glenn Beck, the Bellingham, WA mayor has offered his “City’s Key” to The Daily Show host, Jon Stewart. Take that, Mt. Vernon!

BREAKING NEWS: Conservative radio entertainer Rush Limbaugh says, “I wish Wilson hadn’t apologized” in reference to the aforementioned, Joe “You Lie” Wilson outburst. This is not surprising. In his apology to the President “Shouting Joe” said that he was  compelled to utter his insult. A compulsion is much like an addiction in that the person that has it cannot control their behavior. Rush Limbaugh, the self admitted drug addict, must share some sort of brotherly feelings with Wilson. Perhaps they can refer to themselves as “Friends of Glenn.”

THIS JUST IN: We have another episode of “Republicans Behaving Badly.”  CNN reports that “Bob McDonnell, the normally-disciplined Republican candidate for governor in Virginia, mistakenly blurted out the F-bomb during a live radio interview on Friday… Appearing on Washington-area radio station WTOP, McDonnell was sparring with host Mark Plotkin on the topic of transportation funding. Plotkin asked if McDonnell would consider an increase in the state gasoline tax to help fund the transportation budget. McDonnell said no, and uttered the expletive during his response.” To wit,

“I’m going to find other ways to be able to fund transportation. I’ve outlined twleve f—ing funding mechanisms that are creative, that are entrepreneurial.”

BREAKING NEWS: Actress Tina Fey has deservedly won an Emmy Award for her hilariously realistic portrayal of Alaska’s quitting ex-governor, Sarah Palin. In her acceptance speech, Fey once again took a jab at Palin by saying:

“Mrs. Palin is an inspiration to working mothers everywhere because she bailed on her job right before Fourth of July weekend … You are living my dream. Thank you, Mrs. Palin!”

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

The No No Song song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zx8DGD-Kn0&feature=related

THE HO HO SONG

(sung to the Ringo Starr song “The No No Song”)

A doctor that I know just came from the pharmacy
He smiled at Rush and opened up his hand
Then he held out some oxycontin tablets
He said they were the finest in the land

And Rush said, “Ho ho ho ho”
Do you have any more
My back is feeling really damn sore
If I say please
Can I have more of these
My habit has become really hardcore

A friend of Rush Limbo who wears a hat made of tin
Came on the show and opened up his hand
When he revealed twelve tablets of vicodin
Rush was so happy he performed handstands

And Rush said, “Ho ho ho ho”
Do you have any more
I always come to you for a score
Without more of these
I’m in a cold-turkey freeze
And ditto-heads need someone to adore

A ditto-head I know said he could make organs grow
He smiled and said Rush would not need his hand
Then he gave him some blue viagra pills, Oh
And said that things will rise upon command

And Rush said, “Ho ho ho ho”
Do you have any more
My love life has become such a chore
Please, pretty please
I’m flying overseas
The boys there like it when it hits the floor

Sarah Palin’s Lunch Bunch

Palin orders chalupas for winning bidders at Wasilla, AK Taco Bell

Palin orders chalupas for winning bidders at Wasilla, AK Taco Bell

We here at Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off have had to digest (pun intended) a lot of information before commenting on the lunch date with Sarah Palin that you can bid on at ebay. We all know the basics, right? Sarah Palin the ex-quitting-governor of Alaska has agreed to host a lunch date with herself, Todd “The First Dude” and two more of her friends with the winning bidder and four of his/her companions. All proceeds from the event, namely the amount of the winning bid, will be donated to a charitable group known as Ride2Recovery, which sponsors bike riding therapeutic sessions for wounded veterans. So far, so good.

In typical Palin fashion however, things are never so straight forward or simple. There are so many contingencies and pre-qualification requirements on bidding that we believe that the only two potentially acceptable bidders will be Joe The Plumber and Joe “You Lie” Wilson. To begin, the opening bid is          $ 25,000.00. Next, the lunch will take place at an establishment to be chosen by Sarah Palin and the winning bidder must fork over the extra dough (that was a food analogy, get it? fork, dough) required for travel to said destination. OK, so what fine dining establishment might Palin choose? We can only think of two. Either it will be at that infamous turkey farm where we watched Palin give an interview while simultaneously watching a turkey get its head ground to bits, or it will be at her favorite dinner spot as revealed by Levi Johnston in his Vanity Fair exposé, Chez Taco Bell. Both of these places are in Alaska by the way so airfare will not be cheap.

Moving right along, we then notice this particular disclaimer in the ebay offering:

A background check for all attendees is mandatory. Failure to pass the background check will result in the winner forfeiting the experience and a refund given.

and this,

Respect for Ms. Palin and her guest(s) is expected at all times. Inappropriate behavior will result in the conclusion of the experience with no refund.

and this,

Dinner shall last no more than four hours, but could be less, in the sole discretion of Sarah Palin.* Governor Palin reserves the right to refuse dinner with a winning bidder if, in her sole discretion, the winning bidder is not a suitable bidder based on her subjective standards of suitability, professionalism, background and other factors.

Let’s delve into this pre-qualification requirement a little bit. On the ebay webpage you must click on an icon and then provide such information as your name, address, and telephone and email info. This is a bit redundant because you already have to provide all of that information to ebay in order to bid on any of their auctions. It is then that you might notice the writing at the bottom of the pre-qualification form which says:

*After you submit this form, a Kompolt representative will review your information and contact you via phone to complete the Pre-Qualification process.

There’s the catch. You see, somebody will actually telephone you and interview you as to your political party affiliation, race, gender and religion. There will probably be one of those “litmus tests” regarding your pro-choice/pro-life leanings also, too. Hardly seems worth all of the effort, does it?

Oh, one last thing. Click on the actual ebay offering page, here. Notice the writing over Palin’s photo which says, “Free Shipping”. What the hell does that mean? Can you avoid the travel costs by somehow shipping yourself and associates via Fedex or something to Alaska? Or, in the alternative, can you have the Palin Bunch shipped to you free of charge? If you have any other explanation, please enlighten us in the comment section.

Today’s song parody pays homage to a wonderful Beatles song in honor of their entire catalog being re-mastered and re-released this week. Please click on the link below to not only familiarize yourselves with the tune but also to have more fun singing along to the parody.

Yesterday song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-n1Ro456nA&feature=related

YESTERDAY

(sung to the Beatles song “Yesterday”)

Yesterday, Sarah Palin seemed so far away
Now it looks as though she’s here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Suddenly,
Palin’s all over my TV screen
My God, she is such a drama queen
She whines and cries so stubbornly

She “goes with the flow”
“Like dead fish”, she’s on her way
She’s off to Hong Kong
Singing songs for her payday

Yesterday, Sarah auctioned herself on Ebay
I’d rather eat lunch with Tina Fey
She’s so much smarter anyway

She’s on Glenn Beck’s show
Plumber Joe’s the double-play
If things don’t go wrong
She’ll be on another day

Yesterday, Sarah Palin seemed so far away
Now I wish that they’d lock her away
Oh, I remember yesterday
Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm