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Sarah Palin: Show Me The Money

As always, third place is for losers. Unfortunately for Sarah Palin, that is exactly the position she is in when compared to other potential G.O.P. presidential contenders in terms of fund raising. The former ex-quitting governor of Alaska raised $2.1 million ($1.4 million in the last 6 months) through her political action committee (SarahPAC) in 2009. A good number but Mitt Romney, the former ex-quitting governor of Massachusetts raised $2.9 million and Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty raised $1.3 million in just three months (a projected 6 month total of over $2.6 million). Pawlenty’s take is particularly startling because he has not even quit his job yet.

In typical non-specific Palin-speak, SarahPAC spokeswoman Meg Stapleton said:

We are thrilled. Common sense Americans know the direction we need to take this country and that Sarah Palin will be instrumental in taking us there this year. We look forward to the journey ahead!

We are thrilled with scamming money from undereducated dolts and we look forward to conning them into giving more this year.
The transparency of Sarah Palin’s self profit motive is astounding. Think about this for a moment. Every time we hear a news story about Palin since she quit on the people of Alaska, it involves the mention of money.The unjustified money she collected from Alaskan taxpayers for her children’s travel and lodging. The money her fictional novel generated. The money she charged her fans for photos at book signings. The money that Fox News will pay her as a guest host. The money she will charge for speaking at the National Tea Bagging Convention. The money she and Bristol are paid for tabloid magazine stories. Honestly, what is next?

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Life’s Been Good song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXWvKDSwvls

LIFE’S BEEN GOOD

(sung to the Joe Walsh song “Life’s Been Good”)

She built a mansion, who knows the price?
It clashes with all the snow and the ice
But she loves hotels and room service calls
She has SarahPAC pay for it all

That Palin’s crazy but she has a good time
She has nothing to do but scheme for her next dime
Life’s been good to she so far

Her snow-machine does 125
But if it crashes she won’t survive
We never see her eldest son, Track
She seems to care more for “Joe Sixpack”

She’s signing books and her fans they can’t wait
To read about her politics of hate
So she takes all the money from her fans one and all
Those fools line-up and wait in the hall

Sarah is insane and she has not a clue
She is a fool (a fool)
She has no brains because of safety schools
Life’s been good to she so far

(long but fun musical interlude)

Biden used Palin to mop up the floor
He and Obama showed Sarah the door
Shortly thereafter, she turned on McCain
Claimed that it was his fault though she was to blame

That Palin’s crazy but she has a good time
We say, “Oh, yeah” (oh, yeah)
Sarah’s “death panels’ were the year’s biggest lie
Life’s been good to she so far

Yeah, yeah, yeah

(long musical fade to end)

Sarah Palin: A Tea Party Change Of Hearty?

Tea Party Convention Officials anxiously await Palin's decision.

When Sarah Palin gave up on her State of Alaska and quit the governor’s job last summer she said, (sandwiched between a lot of gibberish) “We are not retreating. We are advancing in another direction”. For Palin, that direction was the world of paid speaking gigs. She ran away from the meager governor’s salary for a potentially lucrative career full of private speaking engagements. The problem for Palin was that she was quickly forced to realize that she was not in particularly high demand for the more prestigious speaking forums.

The trial run at her newly chosen vocation was at a financial investors’ forum in Hong Kong, coverage of which was closed to the press. Despite her attempts to limit critiquing of her oratory abilities by debuting many thousands of miles away from this “great nation of ours” and by closing the event to media coverage, her speech was recorded by many attendees. The reviews were not kind. Consequently, the demand for Palin at premier events spiraled downward.

Another obstacle to Palin’s efforts to secure speaking opportunities was her habit of pulling out of (dare we say, quitting) events at the last moment. On the numerous occasions that she pulled that stunt, she always laid the blame elsewhere. She would either blame the event organizers for announcing her appearance before her final approval, or she would blame her staff for a scheduling snafu. It appeared strange however, that those “problems” seemed to happen so often. One would think that if Palin were serious about her new vocation, she would straighten out the communication and scheduling problems post haste.

Nonetheless, Sarah Palin’s paid speaking opportunities lessened in terms of both quality and quantity. She was not a sought after commodity on the lecture circuit. Indeed, the New York Post reported, lecture buyers “are paralyzed with fear about booking her, basically because they think she’s a blithering idiot.” Ouch, that is going to leave a mark! Newser.com reported, “Palin is too controversial for the subscription lecture series, whose organizers fear that subscribers will cancel if they see her on the schedule. Corporations, too, like to avoid controversy, and universities tend to lean left. ‘Palin is so uninteresting to so many groups—unless they are interested in moose hunting,’ says an insider. ‘What does she have to say? She can’t even describe what she reads.’ ” Nuff said.

Sarah Palin was left with only the dregs of the lecture circuit. She was booked to speak at two separate Tea Bagger events in January and February 2010. Unfortunately, Palin got a taste of her own medicine when the January event in Texas was canceled at the last moment without explanation. But for those venues, Palin has been relegated to the status of washed up Las Vegas entertainer. Really.  The former Republican Vice Presidential nominee is scheduled to make two speaking engagements in “Sin City”. Isn’t that a little like mixing oil and water? It seems odd that the conservative right’s poster child for family values and morality would be spending quality time in the the land of gambling, prostitution and organized crime. But hey, whatever grinds your beans.

First Sarah Palin accepted the gig as keynote speaker at the Bowling Proprietors’ Association of America’s Bowl Expo (i.e. The Bowling Convention) in June. That is about as far away from a prestigious speaking engagement as one can get. Maybe the bowlers will honor Palin with one of those snazzy bowling league shirts with her name (“Barricuda” maybe?) embroidered thereon. Or perhaps they might present her with a pair of high heeled bowling shoes. The possibilities are endless.

As a warm-up to the bowling event, Palin will be the keynote speaker at the Wine and Liquor Wholesalers of America convention (i.e. The Boozers’ Ball) also to be held in Vegas this April. The gala will include a “Wine and Spirits Tasting Competition”. Let’s all pray that Todd “The First Dude” Palin will not be driving anybody back to the hotel after that. Perhaps the conventioneers will honor Sarah Palin by naming a new drink after her. Maybe a “Quinine Quitter” or “Alaska Disastah” or “I Can See A White Russian From My House”? Any other suggestions?

As a precursor to both of those events however, Palin is scheduled to be the keynote speaker at the National Tea Party Convention in Nashville, TN on February 6th. Like all things Palin and/or Tea Party related however, the event is devolving into a complete disaster. The writing was on the wall from the beginning. The last two Tea Party events were smaller than a five year old’s birthday party and those in attendance shared the  same level of education as the aforementioned cake and ice cream eaters. First there was the Washington DC “Die In” in which Tea Baggers were prepared to play dead inside congressional buildings as a protest against health care reform. Unfortunately very few Tea Baggers were “dying” to get involved. Next, there was the Tea Baggers’ National Strike planned for January 20th when the Baggers intended to show the world how they could strike or boycott media outlets and businesses that they do not watch or patronize anyway. By a showing of hands, how many of you even know if the strike took place?

So, what about the big National Tea Party Convention? Well, the first problem is the price of admission. Tickets are priced at a hefty $ 349.00 and $ 549.00. That is a lot of dough for all those marginally employed Tea Baggers. To add insult to injury, Palin was to be paid over $ 100,000.00 for her appearance. Did the organizers forget that Tea Baggers allegedly oppose excessive spending as well as elitists that profit off them? Ticket sales dwindled and then came the speaker cancellations. Congresswomen Marsha Blackburn and moonbat -crazy Michele Bachmann each backed out of the event on Thursday. Ticket sales plummeted even further. Consequently, Sarah Palin is now in a dilemma.

If Palin honors her commitment to speak at the event, she will once again be associated with a less than prestigious forum and most likely a small audience. If, like Blackburn and Bachmann, she cancels her appearance, she will add to her own legend as the nation’s Quitter in Chief. What’s the poor girl to do? Will she stay or will she go?

I bet you folks know where this one is going, don’t you? Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go? song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsNJDWA0sAw&feature=related

WILL SHE STAY OR WILL  SHE GO ?

(Sung to the Clash song “Should I Stay or Should I Go”)

(Whoo! – – – Allah!)

Sarah you gotta let us know
Will you stay or will you go?
Can you make it there on time?
Your speech begins at ten to nine
You just have to let us know,
Will you make it to the show?

It’s always me, me, me
Yes, they agreed to pay your fee
If you have a nerve attack,
Do you agree to pay them back?
The “Tea Baggers” want to know
Is it “yes” or is it “no” ?

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she will be humbled
But if she stays there will be trouble
So come on and let us know

Her poor decisions boggle me
Palin’s become a mockery
Since demanding such a large fee
She is no longer their “cup of tea”
Come on and let us know,
Is she brain-dead or is it show?

(split)

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she stays, she’ll stir up trouble,
But if she goes she will be humbled
We just hope that if she goes…
She pleases all those “Sixpack Joes”

Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she’ll stir up trouble,
And if she stays, laughs will be doubled
We just hope that if she goes
She wears some garish slutty clothes!!!

Rush “To Judgment” Limbaugh and the Idiot Brigade

Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off has not commented too frequently of late on the antics of the obese and drug addled Rush Limbaugh. This however, seems to be the perfect occasion to reacquaint ourselves with Limbaugh and his “Excrement In Broadcasting” program.

Limbaugh, as you may know, is the radio personality that flunked out of Southeast Missouri State University after only two semesters and one summer session. To date, he has no college degree. As we all know, however, a lack of education has never been an impediment to advancement within right wing conservative circles. Limbaugh’s educational pedigree measures up well with those of Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity and Joe the Plumber (we have not yet been able to determine the educational background of Joe Sixpack).

He also likes to ruminate on morality and family values. And if anyone knows a lot about families through sheer personal experience, it’s Limbaugh. He has been married three times. As for morality, he used to enjoy spouting off about the necessity of drug offenders receiving stiff jail sentences. That all changed, however, in 2006 when he surrendered to Palm Beach County (Florida) officials on charges of doctor shopping as the result of his own drug addiction to oxycodone and hydrocodone. He did everything within his power to avoid just such a sentence. Speaking of stiff sentences, let’s not forget that in June of 2006 he was detained by drug enforcement officials at Palm Beach International Airport when he attempted to bring a bottle of Viagra (the prescription was in somebody else’s name, by the way) into the country.

Limbaugh’s latest misguided, non-sensicle on-air tirade was directed at guess who? You got it, President Barack Obama. Remember last month when the druggie criticized Obama for taking too long (mind you, it was only 3 days) to make a statement regarding the Underwear Bomber? Well, this week he has taken the opposite tact. He is now criticizing the President for speaking out too soon on the Haiti disaster. He said,

I want you to remember it took him three days, three days to respond to the Christmas day fruit of kaboom bomber. Three days and when he came out after those three days he was clearly irritated that he had to do it. He didn’t want to do it. He comes out here in less than twenty-four hours to speak about Haiti. (cut to sound clip pf president). This is what he lives for. He lives for serving those in misery… I don’t have the whole press conference but I wonder did he apologize for America before acknowledging we are the only people on earth that can possibly help them out down there. In any significant way.

Limbaugh is in dire need of psychological help. Does he have no sense of perspective? Does he not realize that although it was a dangerous and significant event, the attempted Christmas day bombing was luckily thwarted with no loss of life, while the Haiti earthquake killed thousands and has left millions clinging to life? Furthermore, where did he get the egocentric idea that the United States is the only country on earth that can possibly help them out?

Perhaps Roger Ebert said it best in his open letter to Limbaugh which was published on his website Rogerebert.com. Here it is:

To: Rush Limbaugh
From: Roger Ebert

You should be horse-whipped for the insult you have paid to the highest office of our nation.

Having followed President Obama’s suggestion and donated money to the Red Cross for relief in Haiti, I was offended to hear you suggest the President might be a thief capable of stealing money intended for the earthquake victims.

Here is a transcript from your program on Thursday:

Justin of Raleigh, North Carolina: “Why does Obama say if you want to donate some money, you could go to whitehouse.gov to direct you how to do so? If I wanted to donate to the Red Cross, why do I have to go to the White House page to donate?”

Limbaugh: “Exactly. Would you trust the money’s gonna go to Haiti?”

Justin: “No.”

Rush: “But would you trust that your name’s gonna end up on a mailing list for the Obama people to start asking you for campaign donations for him and other causes?”

Justin: “Absolutely!”

Limbaugh: “Absolutely!”

That’s what was said.

Unlike you and Justin of Raleigh, I went to Obama’s web site, and discovered the link there leads directly to the Red Cross. I can think of a reason why anyone might want to go via the White House. That way they can be absolutely sure they’re clicking on the Red Cross and not a fake site set up to exploit the tragedy.

But let me be sure I have this right. You and Justin agree that Obama might steal money intended for the Red Cross to help the wretched of Haiti.

This conversation came 48 hours after many of us had seen pitiful sights from Port au Prince. Tens of thousands are believed still alive beneath the rubble. You twisted their suffering into an opportunity to demean the character of the President of the United States.

This cannot have been an accident. A day earlier, in a sound bite from your show, you said “this will play right into Obama’s hands. He’s humanitarian, compassionate. They’ll use this to burnish their, shall we say, ‘credibility’ with the black community — in the both light-skinned and dark-skinned black community in this country. It’s made-to-order for them.”

Setting aside your riff on Harry Reid, consider what you imply. Obama will aid Haiti to please African-Americans. Haiti has lost untold thousands of lives. One third of the population has lost its homes. Countless people are still buried in the rubble. Every American president would act quickly to help our neighbor. You are so cynical and heartless as to explain Obama’s action in a way that unpleasantly suggests how your mind works.

You have a sizable listening audience. You apparently know how to please them. Anybody given a $400 million contract must know what he is doing.

That’s what offends me. You know exactly what you’re doing.

This is a perfect example of how Limbaugh and the rest of the right-wing idiot brigade will say anything to discredit Barack Obama no matter how commendable his actions may be. And they sound stupid while doing it.

IMPORTANT MESSAGE AND PLEA FOR HELP !!!

As many of you know, this Tuesday January 19th is the date of the special election to fill Ted Kennedy’s Massachusetts Senate Seat. There has not been a Republican elected to a Massachusetts seat since 1972, but the G.O.P. has gone “All In” on this race and it is presently a toss up. The Democratic Party candidate, Martha Coakley (currently the Massachusetts Attorney General) is clinging to a razor thin lead in the polls but the momentum has swung to the Republican. I cannot overemphasize the importance of this race. Health care reform hangs in the balance. If Martha Coakley does not capture the Senate seat, the Democrats will lose their filibuster-proof 60 votes and the health care reform bill will not survive the Senate vote after reconciliation. Let me repeat, if Martha Coakley does not capture the Senate seat, the Democrats will lose their filibuster-proof 60 votes and the health care reform bill will not survive the Senate vote after reconciliation.

Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off has never asked any of you fellow Rocketeers to make a financial donation of any kind to any cause in the past and we hope that we will never feel the need to do so again. That being said, we are begging you to make a contribution (no matter how small it may be or what state you might be from) to the Martha Coakley campaign immediately. The well funded Republican national interest groups are flooding the  Brown campaign with contributions to get out the vote. We owe it to our nation to match their efforts. Please, please, please, please make a contribution today to:

Martha Coakley

Democrat For U.S. Senate

Marthacoakley.com

We thank you in advance for your anticipated cooperation,

Lynnrockets

Finally, Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off would like to wish everyone a Happy Martin Luther King Day! Please do something nice for someone today.

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Puff The Magic Dragon song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wik2uc69WbU&feature=related

RUSH THE TRAGIC MAGGOT

(sung to the Peter, Paul and Mary song “Puff The Magic Dragon”)

Rush the tragic maggot lives by the sea
Was born in 1951 in a state called Missouri
Limbaugh’s education went down in a flush
He made it two semesters and his family kept it hush, oh

Rush the tragic maggot had an injury
It was a pilonidal cyst in a place he could not see
Rush the magic maggot petitioned his country
Then they deemed him too unfit for the military

Therefore he did not travel off to the Ho Chi Minh Trail
Limbaugh the rabid chickenhawk was deemed to be too frail
So he became a disc jockey and pursued his fame
Alas he was a failure as his music taste was lame, oh

Rush the tragic maggot found ABC
And began his talk radio stint shilling for the G.O.P.
Rush the tragic maggot tried football on Monday
But when he showed his racist trait they canned his ass hastily

The maggot talks forever and his voice sure annoys
Calls his listeners “ditto heads” while he’s making noise
Rush thinks that he matters and is gen’rally adored
Poor Rush does not realize he’s like a mouse that roars

The mike that he speaks into bigger, than his brain
His brain-dead thoughtless audience is his gravy train
“Operation Chaos” failed in a big way
Despite all Rush’s efforts the Dems won running away, oh

Rush the tragic maggot lives happily
He doctor shops his days away and frequents pharmacies
Rush the tragic maggot loves his Oxy-C
And when he’s feeling a bit down, there’s the blue pill known as “V”

Last Call For Sarah Palin !!!

Sarah Palin "Going Rogue" on New Year's Eve

Let’s get ready to rumble !!! In this corner, wearing a beehive hairdo, a Victoria’s Secret bra and “Arctic Cat” trunks, we have the “Duchess of Death Panels”, the “Queen of Quitting”, the “Alaska Disastah”, Sarah Palin. In the opposite corner wearing no trunks at all but covering himself with a Koho hockey stick, we have the “Talkshow Teen”, the “Wasilla Drillah”, the “Condomless Kid”, Levi Johnston. Get ready for the Battle of the New Year. Palin vs. Johnston  2010 !!! At the sound of the gavel they will come out testifying !!!

What better way to close out year 2009 and commence 2010 than to watch the Palin clan’s dirty laundry aired in public in the form of a juicy custody battle? Levi Johnston, the teenaged father of Sarah Palin’s grandchild, Tripp, has already won the pre-fight competition by means of having the Marquess of Queensberry Rules discarded and replaced with the Alaska Rules of Probate Procedure. Additionally, despite fierce opposition from Team Palin, Johnston has convinced the court to make all proceedings open to the public and to use the legal names of all litigants rather than pseudonyms. Sarah Palin of course, would rather have had her patented Cone of Silence and Secrecy utilized in an effort to facilitate her uncivil backroom dealings and to hide everything from the pesky “mainstream media”. The Court however, would have none of the high-falootin’ Palin’s pre-trial shenanigans, opting instead to apply the same judicial procedure and standards that everyday common-folk must abide by.

The stakes for this Battle Royale are high. Hanging in the balance of this custody battle is baby Tripp’s upbringing. Should Team Palin claim victory, daughter/mother Bristol and the clan will have sole legal custody of the child. They will have free reign to raise him as a true “Palin child” with little to no adult supervision, no requirement of regular school attendance and a role as a stage prop at all of Grandma’s self-promoting publicity stunts. On the other hand should Levi Johnston prevail in court, he will have secured the right to joint legal custody of his son. In that case, the non-requirement of school attendance will be reinforced, the child will learn the valuable skill of being partially fatherless as Levi travels the country on the talkshow circuit and most likely on a book tour of his own and he will have the benefit of occasionally being supervised by a convicted criminal (by the way, was Tripp named after his paternal grandmother?).

This kid hasn’t got a chance. Poor Tripp might be better off if the court awards custody to a caring set of foster parents.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Same Auld Lang Syne song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NmdFgFyhnk

SAME OLD LAME WHINE

(sung to the Dan Fogelberg song “Same Auld Lang Syne”)

Met Sarah Palin at a Walmart store
She was shoplifting like a thief
There was no sign of kids or the “First Dude”
‘Cuz Sarah brings home the beef

I recoiled from her aging face at first
But then her eyes flew open wide
She knew I saw the moose meat in her purse
And then she just fibbed and lied

I said I was not a security man
And then Sarah Palin was glad
She lacked any sense of embarrassment
At the thought that she was bagged

I asked if we could have a drink or two
Cuz she was such a rising star
We met “Joe Sixpack” at the liquor store
And we three went to a bar

We drank a toast to ignorance
We drank a toast to Mao
She tried to explain her head’s emptiness
But she did not know how

She said she’s married to a derelict
Who can’t keep a job if he tried
She would have like to say she loved the man
But she couldn’t stand the guy

I said “death panels” were the end for her
That she could turn a Red-State Blue
And did she fear her would-be son-in-law?
She just said, “Lynn, F_ _ _  you”

She said she hated all the pro-choice whores
And that she hoped they’d go to Hell
I asked if Coulter was a “he” or “she”?
Palin said she could not tell

She toasted her omnipotence
And asked us all to bow
I said, “so long and good riddance,
I must be leaving now”

Then one last toast to ignorance
Cuz it was closing time
She lacks a sense of eloquence
But has that old lame whine

The beers were empty and our tongues were tired
Another book signing today
She put her hat on and hopped on her broom
And I watched her fly away

She graduated from a “safety school”
So she has no-one else to blame
There’s no intelligence inside her dome
That’s why she is so lame.

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea)-Christmas Edition 2

The Twelve (OK, Fourteen) Days of Christmas Song Parodies continues…

Just a few comment-worthy news stories that have made their way around the stratosphere this week.

BREAKING NEWS: Sarah Palin has predictably decided to respond to the media reports and photos of her donning a John McCain emblazoned visor on which she crossed out the name “McCain” with a black magic marker. Palin told Politico.com that she was merely trying to be incognito while on vacation in Hawaii. She went on to say,

I am so sorry if people took this silly incident the wrong way, I adore John McCain, support him 100 percent and will do everything I can to support his reelection. As everyone knows, I was honored and proud to run with him. And Todd and I were with him in D.C. just a week ago. So much for trying to be incognito.

The question remains however, that if she was trying to remain incognito, wouldn’t it have been much easier to simply wear a different hat. Surely she could have purchased a nondescript visor at the thousands of beach gear shops in Hawaii. Also, if she was truly trying to remain incognito, then why did she wear a tee-shirt that said, “If You Don’t Like America Then Get The Hell Out”? Then again, maybe the tee-shirt was intended for Todd “The First Dude” Palin inasmuch as he was a member of the secessionist minded Alaskan Independence Party. Our guess with regard to “HatGate” is that Palin purposely defaced the visor to payback McCain for saying that she is “irrelevant” last week.

THIS JUST IN: Uber-right-wing pundit and anchor baby Michelle Malkin reported last week that Democratic Senator Ben Nelson of Nebraska was  being threatened by Senate Democrats with “closure of an air force base,” presumably Offutt Air Force Base, which is south of Omaha and home of U.S. Strategic Command if Nelson does not get on-board with the party regarding its health care reform bill. Of course as usual, Malkin’s report was baseless. Her story has been denied by all parties involved including Senator Nelson’s office. Nelson spokesman Jake Thompson said both of Malkin’s claims about Nelson are false. He also said,

The rumor is not true.  This misinformation is coming from inside-the-Beltway partisans who only want to derail health care reform.

Additionally, White House Communications Director Dan Pfeiffer said,

Proving that they will leave no stone unturned in their efforts to undermine health reform, some blogs opposing reform are now trafficking an absurd rumor that Nebraska’s Offutt Air Force Base is being threatened over Senator Ben Nelson’s vote on the Senate reform bill.To be perfectly clear: these rumors are completely baseless and false.

Despite the evidence that the Malkin story was untrue, Glenn Beck nevertheless reiterated the story in its entirety on his Fox News show.

BREAKING NEWS: The website cqpolitics.com reports that moonbat-crazy Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann has suffered another defection. The Gula Graham Group, a Republican fundraising and consulting firm, ended their three-year relationship with Bachmann last week, GOP sources with knowledge of the firm’s decision said Wednesday. “I can confirm that the Gula Graham Group no longer works for Congresswoman Bachmann,”  Mike Gula said. “We chose to go in a different direction.” The firm’s departure comes less than two months after Bachmann’s chief of staff, Michelle Marston, left the office. Marston was Bachmann’s third chief of staff in as many years. Meanwhile casting is still underway for the Michele Bachmann bio-pic titled, “One More Flew From The Cuckoo’s Nest.”

THIS JUST IN: In this week’s edition of Something Stupid That Someone From Hollywood Said, we have washed-up and over the hill martial artist Chuck Norris. In Thursday’s edition of World Net Daily, Norris ponders what would have happened if President Obama traveled back in time and convinced the Virgin Mary to abort Jesus Christ. Norris wrote,

Lastly, as we sit on the eve of another Christmas, I wonder: What would have happened if Mother Mary were covered by Obamacare? What if that young, poor uninsured teenaged woman were provided the federal funds (via Obamacare) and facilities (via Planned Parenthood, etc.) to avoid the ridicule, ostracizing, persecution and possible stoning because of her out-of-wedlock pregnancy? Will Obamacare morph into Herodcare for the unborn? Imagine all the great souls who could have been erased from history and the influence of mankind, if only they too would have been as progressive as Washington’s wise men and women!

Yeah, OK Chuck.

BREAKING NEWS: Former Republican House Majority Leader Dick Armey (that name never fails to crack me up) found himself in the news again last week. As most of you know, the Department of Homeland Security issued a report warning that right-wing extremist groups that are “primarily hate-oriented” and “are mainly anti-government” were “likely to grow in strength” following President Obama’s election. Many conservatives misinterpreted the warning and mischaracterized it to mean that all conservatives should be labeled as terrorists. Dick Armey has furthered that misconception. Thinkprogress.org reports that at the “Code Red Rally” on Capitol Hill on December 15th, Armey greeted the crowd by saying, “I’ve never seen so many attractive domestic terrorists in all my life.” By downplaying the actual threat caused by a small minority of activists, Armey and his ilk are contributing to the violence that results therefrom. But really, what should we expect from Armey and his platoon of under-educated Tea-Baggers?

THIS JUST IN: Please do yourselves a favor and click on this political humor site (here) to see the 4o Funniest Protest Signs of 2009!

BREAKING NEWS: Remember last week’s edition of Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) where we posted an entry about the Tea-Baggers’ December 15th Die-In at the nation’s Capitol building? Well, nevermind. Seems there was such sparse attendance that the protest died before the Tea-Baggers could start fake dying.

THIS JUST IN: Kudos to Democratic Senator Al Franken for limiting Independent (Ya, right) Senator Joe LIEberman to his allotted ten minutes of speaking time on the Senate floor last week. Jeers to Republican Senator and failed Presidential nominee John McCain for chastising Franken for the exact same action which McCain himself had taken while he was presiding over debate regarding the Iraq War Authorization in 2002. It is a good thing that McCain was not elected President because he is clearly as forgetful and feeble minded as Ronald Reagan.

Please remember to click on the song link below so as to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s holiday song parody.

Have A Holly Jolly Christmas song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGyGNxHtvRk&feature=related

HAVE A SARAH PALIN CHRISTMAS

(sung to the Burl Ives version of “Have A Holly Jolly Christmas”)

Have a Sarah Palin Christmas
And go shoot a nice reindeer
Ho, Ho, Ho blood in the snow
Now jump around and cheer

Have a Sarah Palin Christmas
Knowing that you’re packing heat
Say hello to “Plumber Joe”
And send Glenn Beck a “tweet”

Hello to “Sixpack Joe”
And there’s Hannity
Somebody’s looking blue
That’s Mike Huckabee

Have a Sarah Palin Christmas
Don’t let Todd get near the beer
Dark mascara’s just the thing for Sarah’s Christmas
This year

(Have a Sarah Palin Christmas)
(Spreading hate and lots of fear)

Have a Sarah Palin Christmas
Find somebody you can cheat
Say Hello then steal the dough
Of everyone you meet

Ho, Ho she’s sunk so low
Since her last defeat
Nothing she says is true
She’s a lying thief

Have a Sarah Palin Christmas
But please do not have it here
Let’s all ask her to stay in Alaska, Christmas
This year



Sarah Palin: A Holiday History

The Twelve Days of Christmas Song Parodies continues…

It is interesting to note how Sarah Palin supporters and detractors seem to exist in two distinct parallel universes. Each group witnesses Palin’s actions and words, is advised of her education and credentials, and views the same media coverage of the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska. Yet, the detractors (who live in the universe of factual reality) see a minimally educated, honesty deprived, science denying, religiously intolerant, backstabbing, anti-feminist, incoherent, hate speaking, chickenhawk, job quitting, unemployed social networker. The supporters (who live in the universe of unicorns and myth) see something completely different. They see Sarah Palin as a country loving, tell it like it is, mavericky, God fearing, troop honoring, motherly, Joe Sixpack, one of us, forever victimized, de-facto President of the United States.

A fine example of this difference of opinion regarding Caribou Barbie was aired last week on NPR (National Public Radio) in a segment wherein mothers discussed their impressions of Sarah Palin’s ghostwritten fiction titled, Going Rogue. Thereafter on December 9, 2009, U.S. News and World Reports Letters and Comments section featured a number of entries from a cross-section of listeners of the NPR program. It is astounding to read how completely differently the Palin supporters and detractors view the book. As usual however, the detractors corroborate their negative assessments with facts and logical argument while the supporters refrain from factual argument and instead concentrate on their perceived feelings about Palin’s character, patriotism and victim status. Here are the published letters:

The book is a pretty quick read—interesting when it comes to Sarah’s personal life, but snotty the way she comments about the journalists and the campaign people [“Mothers Discuss Sarah Palin‘s ‘Going Rogue’ on NPR,” usnews.com]. I kept waiting for some kind of “a-ha” moment, where she learned something about herself or why she really decided to follow a certain path, but the book was mostly about how she’s just better than the people she doesn’t like and how they’re just plain jealous or mean or both. She’s vain, petty, and rationalizes a lot. I didn’t care much for her as a politician before the book—too inexperienced, in my opinion, and too reliant on her charm instead of her intelligence. I like her even less now after having read the book. She reminds me of the popular cheerleader in high school who suddenly finds herself a small fish in a big pond when she goes to college and can’t believe she’s not as important or as talented as she always thought she was.

Comment by Katie Van Winkle of ME

I am reading Sarah’s book, and I can’t figure out why so many people hate her. Let’s see, she loves Alaska and America with all her heart. She worked to pay her college tuition and she has always been very hard-working. She has always been frugal. She became a real Christian when she was a young teen. She loves her kids and she chose to have her Down’s syndrome child. She had Democrats, Republicans, and independents on her staff as governor, and she is not rigid and intolerant like Obama’s side claims. She can have civil discussions with people who hold opposing views. The more I read, the more I admire her. I work with people who hate her and can’t talk about her without using abusive language. It makes me sick. The media has spread so many lies about her. I think she’s awesome.

Comment by Susan H. of MN

I listened to the discussion on NPR. I didn’t understand why none of the participants pointed out that Palin presents herself as a bold, no-nonsense, tell-it-like-she-see’s-it regular gal, but she spends a good portion of the book blaming others for her inability to stand up for what she knew to be right during the campaign, from her unsuccessful interviews to the expensive designer clothes. You can’t claim to be feisty and submissively follow orders at the same time. One of the participants said she really thought Palin was a feminist at heart, but how does her unwillingness to take responsibility for her choices or her decision to quit her job as governor help other women to be taken seriously? Finally, I was frustrated to hear one participant say that she really admired and identified with Palin’s view of motherhood. I am a mother and I would never make many of the choices she has made regarding her children: from announcing her young daughter’s pregnancy to the world to parading her special needs toddler around with her on her book signing tour. Perhaps these topics were discussed, but not aired. Ultimately, I came away baffled again, by how Sarah Palin can contradict herself over and over again and still be seen as appealing and honest.

Comment by Pat of MD

Several people have noted that there is a lot of hatred for Palin. They’re right, of course. I don’t know why people feel so strongly about her, and I don’t particularly care. The bottom line is that she has yet to posit a coherent—much less worthwhile—set of policy objectives. Until she does (and I’m not holding my breath), her admirers will continue to admire her for her personal traits and the slogans she throws around so loosely, and her detractors will continue to seize on her more boneheaded statements and construct straw man (straw woman?) arguments accordingly. It doesn’t say much for the state of our political discourse.

Comment by Todd of PA

Lynnrockets’ favorite portion of the above letters appears in the second letter where Susan H. of MN complements Palin because, she “worked to pay her college tuition” and “She has always been frugal.” Since when does working to pay tuition (as most everyone does) somehow qualify a person to be Vice president or God forbid, President of the United States? As for being “frugal”, has Susan not read about the $ 4,000.00 per hour luxury jet or seen the photos of the Palin’s newly constructed Wasilla compound aptly named, “Shangralaska”? There truly are two distinct parallel universes.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

We Three Kings Of The Orient song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOsnNr1-smA

DING-A-LINGS

(Sung to the Christmas song “We Three Kings of the Orient”)

This is a Sarah Palin song
Which explores how things went so wrong
From blood relations through nomination
Her fall  was worse than King Kong’s

Oh, Todd “The First Dude’s”  G. E. D.
Sarah’s unwed pregnancy
Todd’s drunk driving, Sarah’s conniving
Sarah’s safety-school college degree

She was mayor of Wasilla
Todd a part-time oil field driller
Increased teen meth-amphet-amine
Not a community pillar

Oh, the governor she did become
A “Bridge to Nowhere” plans begun
Then, “Thanks But No Thanks” ; budget dough pranks
Double talk from “Hockey Mom”

John McCain needed a V.P.
Someone that was darn ”mavericky”
Up to Alaska, he went to ask her
Now the world knew Sarah P.

Oh, she dazzled all with blinks and winks
Dropping pucks at hockey rinks
Substance was nil; “Drill Ba-by Drill”
These were her campaign hi-jinks

She had sev’ral bad interviews
Charles and Katie had her confused
Mumbling, sighing, nearly crying
This was not fawning Fox News

Oh, Sarah needed her Mo-Jo back
She was killing Johnny Mack
To stop this cancer, she found the answer
“Joe the Plumber” and “Joe Sixpack”

Alas, her plan did not save the day
She was upstaged by Tina Fey
Voter rejection, lost the election
Obama won going away

Oh, Sarah became a door-mat
Returned to her habitat
Someone new in 2-0-1-2
Now she shills for “Arctic Cat”

Sarah Palin: The Irrelevant Elephant

Palin shills for "Arctic Cat".

Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off‘s Twelve Days of Christmas Song Parodies kicks off today. Please enjoy.

In light of the media frenzy that has surrounded Sarah Palin since her selection in September 2008 as the Republican nominee for Vice President, it is easy to forget that she was second on the ticket. Although prior to her selection she was virtually unknown to most Americans, it would be difficult now to find someone that has not heard of her (then again, many do wish that was the case). The former ex-quitting governor of Alaska has sought and found the public spotlight on numerous occasions since losing the Presidential election. Whether it was her abrupt quitting as governor complete with an incomprehensible resignation speech, feuding with David Letterman, fuming about non-existent death panels, feuding with her once and future son-in-law Levi Johnston or conducting a book-hawking bus tour by means of luxury jet, Palin has been omnipresent. As Palin increasingly becomes the visage of the Republican Party the G.O.P.’s elephant mascot has become irrelevant.

The same may also be true of Palin herself, however. Her former running-mate sees little to no positive effect of the Palin-Factor. In fact, John McCain has deemed Sarah Palin to be irrelevant. While appearing as a guest on Meet The Press last Sunday, McCain said,

“I’m entertained every time I see people attack her and attack her and attack her — she’s irrelevant but they continue to attack her.”

Ouch, we bet Sarah could feel the sting of those words all the way out in Minnesota’s Mall of America. Not exactly the type of Christmas present she was expecting from her old pal, but perhaps she should have been a bit more diplomatic when discussing McCain’s campaign staff in her ghost-written work of fiction. Sarah Palin has now learned the hard way, that what goes around, comes around.

As an aside, today is a big election day in Massachusetts. The special primary election to fill Edward M. Kennedy’s U.S. Senate seat dominates the day’s news. The Democratic Party primary consists of the following four candidates; Mike Capuano (current member U.S, House of Representatives), Martha Coakley (current Massachusetts Attorney General), Steve Pagliuca (co-owner of the NBA’s Boston Celtics) and Alan Khazei (founder of an AmeriCorps organization known as City year). Although all four candidates profess to having a progressive/liberal agenda, Lynnrocket’s Blast-Off endorses Mike Capuano because he has already put his money where his mouth is. While sitting as a U.S. Representative, he voted against both the Patriot Act and the Iraq War when few others had the courage to oppose the Bush regime.

State Senator Scott Brown will be the Republican candidate in the general election. This being Massachusetts however, he has absolutely no chance of winning the senate seat. The general election will take place on January 19, 2010. Stay tuned.

Finally, we would like to congratulate the Green Bay Packers for their victory over the Baltimore ravens last night. The Packers record has improved to 8 – 4, and they presently hold a wildcard playoff berth. is the Pack back? Let’s hope so.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune (if you live on Mars) and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Frosty The Snowman song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGDi8TqqeX8&feature=related

SARAH THE SNOWGAL

(sung to the Christmas song “Frosty the Snowman”)

Sarah the snowgal was a lipsticked hockey mom
With a beehive ‘do and a “wink, wink” too
A U. of Idaho alum

Sarah the snowgal was enticed by Johnny Mack
To be his V.P., she was “mavericky”
And was liked by “Joe Sixpack”

The first mistake she made was to agree to interviews
For when she tried to speak aloud
She was just so damn confused

Oh, Sarah the snowgal couldn’t be any dumber
She’s a babbling brook, couldn’t name a book
Like her pal “Joe the Plumber”

Yakity yak yak,
Yakity yak yak,
Look at her glazed stare
Yakity yak yak,
Yakity yak yak,
Her head’s full of air

Sarah the snowgal was almost a pageant queen
But her parenting skill was darn near nil
So, an unwed pregnant teen

Things spiraled downward right up to election day
“Politics of Hate” and then “Troopergate”
Not to mention Tina Fey

The election did not go well, it ended in defeat
Levi’s mom was busted too
She was dealing Oxy-C

Poor Sarah the snowgal now has no-one to wink at
She will run again, but until then
She is owned by Arctic Cat

Yakity yak yak,
Yakity yak yak.
All she does is gripe
Yakity yak yak,
Yakity yak yak,
It’s media hype

Palin vs Johnston: The Thrilla In Wasilla

LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE !!!

Wow, the Sarah Palin Ghost-Written Rural Hamlet Book Tour is barely underway and the gloves are off already. The first punches of this round of the Sarah Palin/Levi Johnston never-ending feud were thrown by the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska. She appeared on Oprah and told Oprah Winfrey (and a nationally televised audience) that she believes that her once and future former son-in-law Levi Johnston’s Playgirl Magazine spread constitutes, “porn” and that she finds it, “heartbreaking” to see the road the father of her grandson has taken. She also told Oprah that Johnston lied about living at her home. Palin followed up that left hook/uppercut combination with an additional jab or two the next day on Good Morning America (with another nationally televised audience) when she told host Barbara Walters that Johnston is a liar and then implied that he is a disinterested father to boot. While discussing a potential legal custody battle between her daughter and Johnston, Palin said,

It will be nice to see in I guess even legal proceedings a desire to be a part of the baby’s life. That’s a good sign.

Johnston took those blows in stride and countered with a daring fusillade of his own. He appeared on ET (a/k/a Enterainment Tonight) and let loose with this,

That’s total bullsh*t. I did [live with the Palin family] for a few months, then we split up and that was it. I think this interview is really gonna kick up some things, I don’t think she wanted to do that.

Them sure sounds like fightin’ words to us here at Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off. Unfortunately after Levi’s remarks, the bell sounded and that round was over. Now is the time to go and get some more popcorn and the adult beverage of your choice before the next round begins. Tune in again for live action tomorrow. Same Bat-Time. Same Bat-Channel.

In honor of the troops, today’s song parody musically illustrates the intriguing Sarah Palin/Levi Johnston relationship. Remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

The Ballad Of John And Yoko song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_t3oaPNJieg

THE BALLAD OF SARAH AND LEVI

(Sung to the Beatles song “The Ballad of John and Yoko”)

Posing in a condo in New York,
Levi about to remove his pants
He now has a knack
To annoy SarahPAC
Yet most of them will still want to take a glance

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
You know how hard it can be,
To play second fiddle,
To the Caribou-Barbie.

Sarah claims that she is embarrassed
Really, she just envies his fame
Katie Couric did say,
“Can you pray away gay?”
“And can you point out some newspapers by name?”.

Christ you know it ain’t easy,
Those interviews on TV.
Reviews were not glowing
For the brain-dead Sarah P.

Levi’s camped-out in the Manhattan Hilton,
Media folks want him to speak
The newspapers said,
“What’s going on in your head?”
He said, “I think Sarah just wants a quick peek”

Christ you know she’s so sleazy,
She won’t speak without a fee
The next show she’s doing
Will be with Sean Hannity

Keeping every penny of per-diem pay,
Lying about clothes to charity,
Daughter that’s unwed,
Is someone inbred?
Her chance to win election, pretty low – Think!

Relatives all getting arrested.
Family dignity in free-fall.
McCain’s folks still claim,
“Palin was to blame”
But Sarah says that they dropped the ball

Christ you know she’s so sleazy
She lies so effortlessly
But Levi is going,
To crucify Sarah P.

How did Mac choose Sarah to begin with?
She is just a political hack.
A dumb “hockey mom”,
That can’t think and chew gum.
Why didn’t he select “Joe Sixpack?”

Christ she makes us uneasy.
In Yiddish we say, “Oy Vey.”
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.
We’d love to replace her
With our good friend, Tina Fey.

Republicans: A Whole Lotta Nuthin’

republican-logocopy

We apologize for posting so late today, but some pressing matters required some tending to. So, without further ado…

The party of “No” is up to its old tricks again. Democratic Senator, Harry Reid has announced that he would like to open debate on the Senate version of the health care reform bill as early as this Tuesday, November 17th. Thereafter, he would like a vote on the bill prior to the winter holiday recess.

“Not so fast”, say the Republicans. “What is the hurry”? You see, the G.O.P. leadership plans on utilizing some arcane Senate rules to delay the process to some time well into the new year. The reason for the expected delay tactics is that the Republicans will do anything in their power to derail health care reform so as to retain the status quo. They would rather see a broken system which costs thousands of lives per year persist so that the private insurance industry, which funds their campaign coffers, can continue to reap astronomical profits while denying health care benefits to policyholders. Of course the current system also leaves millions of people uninsured altogether. By delaying any vote on the Senate health care reform bill until 2010, an election year, the Republicans believe that many more blue-dog Democrats will vote against the bill in order to  avoid the massive campaign funding of their opponents by the insurance industry.

It is obvious that the Republicans are playing a game in which human lives are the pawns. They offer no solution to the health insurance crisis. Indeed, their inaction would allow the crisis to grow exponentially greater in the very near future. That is not a concern to the Republicans however. They would rather line the pockets of the insurance industry which in turn translates into huge campaign contributions. Let’s hope that the Senate Democrats hold strong to their convictions and move forward as quickly as possible on health care reform legislation. The passage of such a bill which will have massive voter support will not only help to alleviate some of the most egregious effects of the current broken system, but it will also help to solidify the branding of Republicans as the party of “No”. That is a title that may doom the G.O.P. to minority status for quite some time.

Today’s song parody takes a rapid-fire look at Republicans past, present and future. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

We Didn’t Start The Fire song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKu2QaytmrM

WE DIDN’T START THE LYING

(sung to the Billy Joel song “We Didn’t Start The Fire”)

Ronald Reagan, Larry Craig, Mark Sanford, Tom Delay
Michelle Malkin, Michele Bachmann, “Goin’ with the flow”

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Howard Baker, lack of vision
Spreading Fear, Acting queer, and ole Sixpack Joe

No icebergs, H-Bomb, “Pay for play”, “Hockey Mom”
Landrieu, Hamid Karzai, and that Michael Savage guy

Ivy tower, Van Flein, Tea-bagger party scene
Party of “No”, Tim Pawlenty, Let’s watch Glenn Beck cry

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Vitter’s fallin’, Ginny Foxx, Boehner and Inhofe
Mitch McConnell, small umbrella, Talking the talk

Spin Zone, Rent to own, Straight martini, Bank loan
Russian view and Pastor Haggard’s flock

Sex crimes, Grassley, John McCain is “Mavericky”
Lining pockets, health care plan, Giuliani, Limbaugh Land

Barrasso, Fake protest, Tom “The Hammer”, Chambliss
Senate race, Lack of grace, and Melvin Martinez

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Loaded Glock, SarahPAC, Sam Alito, Johnny Mack
Jindal, Right to die, Tripp’s father is Levi

Pentagon, Border wall, We must deport them all
Bed-wetters, genocide, No assisted suicide

Bush’s folly, Torture, Dick Cheney, Blackwater
Hate groups, Castro, John Ensign and his ‘ho

First Dude, Hannity, Mann Coulter and O’Reilly
Scooter Libby, Karl Rove, Sarah Palin’s “Sixpack Joes”

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Kay Bailey, Muslims, K Street is full of bums
Villains, Pearlman, Iraqi Invasion

Health reform hysteria, Sarah Palin mania
Shameless G-Men, War in Afghanistan

Ron Paul, Airport sex, They don’t want no litmus test
Kneel and pray, Always “nay”, Can’t get married if you’re gay

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Birth control, Lives of sin, They like folks that have white skin
Buckshot, Dow stock, Loud mouthed chicken-hawks
Takin’ Bacon, Palestine, Palin is no friend of mine
Now they have nukes in Iran, Couldn’t stop the Taliban

Makin’ fortunes, Soldiers die, Did we mention Glenn Beck cried?
Foreign debts, Homeless vets, Exposed by three jets
We voted them out the door, Now they’re just a mouse that roars
Spider holes and unjust wars, I can’t take them anymore.

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it
(repeat chorus to fade)

Sarah Palin: “Shrill Baby Shrill”

The scenic view from Palin's America

The scenic view from Palin's America

Sarah Palin’s ghostwriter seems to have emerged once again in the October 16, 2009 issue of  the National Review. In an op-ed allegedly written by Alaska’s former ex-quitting governor, Palin has reverted to the failed chant she repeatedly uttered during her failed national candidacy in 2008. That is correct, she is back on the “Drill Baby, Drill” mantra. She argues that in order to jump start the economy, America must start drilling for oil to increase employment and reduce our dependency on foreign oil. Of course that is the same rejected message that she was promoting last year. This time however she has added a new logically ridiculous Palinesque twist to her argument. It goes like this,

“Many of the countries we’re forced to import from have few if any environmental-protection laws, and those that do exist often go unenforced,” writes Palin. “In effect, American environmentalists are preventing responsible development here at home while supporting irresponsible development overseas.”

Let’s try to sort out her insane logic. In America, environmentalists have fought for and achieved environmental-protection laws that help preserve if not save the environment from some of the worst transgressions of oil drilling operations. So far, so good. That is a reasonable statement. This is where it starts to get a little kooky though. Palin goes on to state that because other countries do not have the same environmentally safe regulations in place as does America, it is the fault of the American environmentalists that there is irresponsible oil development overseas. So, let’s get this straight, Palin argues that we should be less environmentally safe in America and this would somehow entice overseas producers to be more environmentally conscious? Or is she saying that environmentalists are bad for the environment on a world-wide basis as they achieve environmentally safe procedures in individual countries? She’s nuts.

Drill Baby, Drill. Same old slogan. Same old Palin.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

Life In The Fast Lane song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kf51M3govXY

PIPE IN THE GASOLINE

(sung to the Eagles song “Life In The Fast Lane”)

Todd was a school dropout man, he was brain dead and then some
And Sarah was not really witty
They both hooked up and thought they looked so handsome
In the heart of Wasilla city
She had a nasty reputation and he was “First Dude”
The Palins were ruthless when it came to crude
They had one thing in common
With old Uncle Jed

She said, “Drill Baby Drill”
Till Mother Nature’s dead

Pipe in the gasoline
Sarah likes to wail and whine
Pipe in the gasoline

Are you with me so far?

The plan needed action, so said the dame
A bigger attraction than old John McCain
She called on Joe The Plumber
But she needed more pull
So she called on Joe Sixpack
Did the lipsticked pitbull
Those pipe-lines on the landscape, could seal her fate
So long as she had her cronies spreading politics of hate

The Palin fan base is not very bright
They are all old, straight and male and all of them are white, don’t doubt it

Pipe in the gasoline
Sarah likes to wail and whine
Pipe in the gasoline
Pipe in the gasoline
Oil revenue is fine
Pipe in the gasoline

(musical interlude)

Drilling and boring, blinded by thirst
She couldn’t handle Gibson
Katie Couric was worse
She said, listen people, don’t you know I’m “mavericky”?
I can see Russia from my house, even Tina Fey agrees
Mac said, call Rush Limbaugh, I think we’re gonna crash

The polls are heading downward and we need some instant cash
They were lookin’ for some leeway
The election was lost
She didn’t care there was oil ‘neath that permafrost, so it was

Pipe in the gasoline
Sarah likes to wail and whine
Pipe in the gasoline
Pipe in the gasoline
Oil revenue is fine
Pipe in the gasoline

Pipe in the gasoline
Pipe in the gasoline