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Thin-Skinned Palin To Run For POTUS?

First of all, Lynnrockets would like to give credit where credit is due for the content of this post. One of the best Alaska blogs in the entire blogosphere, The Mudflats, broke a story yesterday afternoon which hints that an email sent by Todd “Former First Dude” Palin may suggest that Sarah “Queen of Quit” Palin is considering a run for the office of President of the United States.

So as not to steal any thunder from The Mudflats, please read the entire juicy story there. We will simply provide a brief historical background of Todd’s email and a few select quotes therefrom as a set-up for today’s song parody. So, hang on to your seats, as away we go…

You will all remember that Sarah Palin (while wearing her crown as de-facto Queen of the Tea-Baggers) endorsed a very unknown Tea Party candidate named Joe Miller in the Alaskan Republican Senate primary race against heavily favored incumbent Republican Senator (and Palin antagonist) Lisa Murkowski. Well, against all odds, Miller won the primary election and consequently, he is now one of the Tea Party darlings of Fox News. That however, is how a lot of trouble began brewing between Miller and Palin.

You see, the love between Palin and Miller is not mutual. Despite the fact that Palin’s endorsement of Miller was highly instrumental in his primary election victory, Miller will not return the favor by expressing his support of her in a potential White House run. We know this because Miller appeared on Fox News (where else, right?) and when asked if he thought Palin was qualified to be President, he meekly responded only that, “there are a number of great candidates out there.” Not exactly a full fledged endorsement by any stretch of the imagination.

Now this is where the fun begins. Shortly after the Fox News interview was aired, Todd Palin sent an email to the SarahPAC Treasurer (and a bunch of people you can learn more about in the Mudflats post) instructing him to

“Hold off on any letter for Joe. Sarah put her ass on the line for Joe and yet he can’t answer a simple question ‘Is Sarah Palin Qualified to be President’. I DON’T KNOW IF SHE IS.”

Todd then addressed Miller directly in the same email and asked,

“Joe, please explain how this endorsement stuff works, is it to be completely one sided.”

Just what was Todd implying when he asked if “endorsement(s)” were to be “completely one sided”? Was he implying that Sarah Palin was seeking a mutual endorsement from Miller? If so, then for what purpose? Is she planning on running for President? Please do tell, Sarah. Enquiring minds want to know.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Born To Run song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxuThNgl3YA

BORN TO RUN

(sung to the Bruce Springsteen song “Born To Run”)

In the day she sweats it out on the streets, she’s a runner-up beauty pageant queen
At night she tears her hair out in worry atop Todd’s snow-machine
Hate filled rages at the five and dime
High heeled, misdirected and sporting a sixties beehive, Whoa
Wasilla town hopes she never comes back
She’s a dumb quack, a political hack
Sarah speaketh with a forked tongue
But tramps like her, baby they were born to run
(yes she will run)

Sarah’s got thin skin but she’ll run again
She can’t find work on television
SarahPAC will cater to her whims
Their dedicated to her mission
Together they will dish out crap
She’ll run till she drops, maybe from a heart attack, Whoa
All her friends, she’ll continue to hire
‘cause baby she wants to be the next “Decider”
But her wagon has lost all its wheels
She behaves like a little child girl, a pitbull refusing to heel
(full of baloney)

(instrumental interlude)

She’s filled with malice right down to the bones buried in her backyard
She casts no reflection in brand new mirrors
Like a vampire caught off guard
Her unfeeling heart, rises cold and dark
A dominatrix with an iron fist
She’s gonna try to befriend thee in the deep dark night
With a wink and a blown kiss, Huhh

(another instrumental)

(one two three four…)

She’s got a bunch of Fox News zeroes that fuel her hopes and drive
Sarah Palin likes you if you are white and have no use for gay pride
Every Wednesday she will give an address
That will reveal all the madness in her soul, Whoa
Someday girl, we don’t know when, you’ll learn that you’re a disgrace
Something we already know, her career will be done
But till then just like puss, Sarah will return to run

Oh, Sarah just like puss, baby we hope that you run

Please believe me, all of us baby, sure hope that you will run

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Palin-Endorsed O’Donnell Is Gift To Democrats

"My opponent is GAY!"

The Tea Party may have just handed another victory to the Democrats in the upcoming mid-term elections. Those radical fringe fanatics that brought  Democratic Party candidates back from the dead in Nevada, Kentucky and Alaska by means of  Sharron Angle, Rand Paul and Joe Miller have just done it again. This time the Tea-Baggers have sand-bagged the Republicans in Delaware.

On Tuesday, Republican/Tea Party infighting bestowed a wonderful gift on Democratic Senatorial candidate Chris Coons. That gift is Tea Party backed Republican Christine O’Donnell. O’Donnell’s primary upset over longtime Rep. and G.O.P. establishment endorsed Mike Castle badly imperils Republicans’ chances of winning the seat being vacated this fall by appointed Sen. Ted Kaufman (D). The Washington Post reports that, “Whereas Castle was a known — and liked — commodity to First State voters based on his more than four decades of service in elected office, O’Donnell has next-to-no presence among the general election electorate and, given the sort of primary campaign she ran, seemingly little interest or ability to expand her sphere.” Additionally, the national Republicans have signaled that they will now take their campaign dollars to other winnable states and that will doom O’Donnell’s candidacy as she has no demonstrated ability to raise the money she will need to be competitive in the pricey Philadelphia media market.

O’Donnell also carries a lot embarrassing baggage that will not impress the voters in a general election. It will be nearly impossible for O’Donnell to air brush away the scars from the scorched-earth primary campaign — especially the charges that she has been living off campaign donations and her lies about her college graduation (she finally received her degree from Fairleigh Dickinson University just two weeks ago). Inasmuch as O’Donnell has been in debt for most of her adult life and has filed unsuccessful lawsuits as a way to get rich quick, can the Republicans really promote her as someone with the financial expertise to help the nation out of the recession? Unlikely.

She also has those interesting positions on homosexuality and masturbation. Her campaign attempted to negatively portray her Republican opponent, Castle as “heaven forbid” gay. Apparently she believes that no self respecting conservative would ever vote for a gay man. O’Donnell also has a unique perspective on the popular past-time known as masturbation. O’Donnell believes masturbation should be condemned even as an abstinent alternative to sex. What, you don’t believe it? Then watch this…

“If he already knows what pleases him and he can please himself, then why am I in the picture?” Boy, was that quote ever a self-fulfilling prophecy, because as an unmarried woman, Christine O’Donnell is in nobody’s picture.

Like the other Sarah Palin endorsed Tea Party nutjobs Sharron Angle, Rand Paul and Joe Miller, Christine O’Donnell is so far outside of the political mainstream and so firmly shackled by personal eccentricity, that she is virtually unelectable. The only thing missing on this particular gift to the Democrats was wrapping paper and a bow!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

I Touch Myself song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2YOtDMMpow

DON’T TOUCH THYSELF

(sung to the Divinyls song “I Touch Myself”)

I loathe myself but Tea-Baggers love me
No, I don’t frown, I have the Tea Party
Won’t let myself do anything naughty
I won’t touch myself so long as you remind me

When I am alone at my house
I must just remember, don’t touch thyself
But I don’t want anybody else, Oh no, Oh no, Oh no

Tea-Baggers talked me into running
Uptight tarts are just their kind
And they love old-fashioned gay-bashing
O’Donnell is just fine

I close my eyes when I become horny
Tea-Bagging guys they just simply adore me
“Christine”, they say, “just how do you ignore you?”
I fasten tight my knees with quick-bonding super-glue

When I’m alone at my lonely house
I must just remember, don’t touch thyself
But I don’t want anybody else, Oh no, Oh no, Oh no

(masturbation break)

I loathe myself but Tea-Baggers love me
No, I don’t frown, I have the Tea Party
Won’t let myself do anything naughty
I won’t touch myself so long as you remind me

When I ‘m alone at my lonely house
I must just remember, don’t touch thyself
But I don’t want anybody else, Oh no, Oh no, Oh no

I want to
I don’t want to touch anybody else
But God told me I can’t touch myself
Oooh, Oooh, Oooooh, Ahhhhhh!

When I’m alone at my lonely house
I must just remember, don’t touch thyself
But I don’t want anybody else
Why won’t the lord just let me go touch myself?
Don’t touch thyself
Don’t touch thyself
Don’t touch thyself
Don’t touch thyself
Don’t touch thyself
Don’t touch thyself
Don’t touch thyself
What’s a girl to do?
Don’t touch thyself
Don’t touch thyself
Don’t touch thyself
What’s a girl to do?
Don’t touch thyself
Don’t touch thyself

Barracuda Blindsided By Ballot Box Backlash

" We lost by just this much"

The Month of August has not been kind to Sarah Palin. The former half-term ex-quitting governor of Alaska has gone 0 for 5 this month with regard to candidates that she has endorsed for election. This week both of the candidates Palin backed in Tuesday’s primaries lost their bids. In Washington State, Palin had backed Tea Party activist Clint Didier in his bid for the Senate over businessman Dino Rossi, the favorite of national Republicans. Didier lost. In Wyoming, Palin endorsed Rita Meyer, whom she christened as one of her “Mama grizzlies” for governor. Meyer also lost.

Of Didier, Palin said the Tea Party favorite “inspired” her and that he is a “patriot running for U.S. Senate to serve his state & our country for all the right reasons”. As for Meyer, she said, “voters know that Rita has a unique blend of steel magnolia and mama grizzly”. In each case however, the voters made it clear that they disagree with Sarah Barracuda.

In addition to Tuesday’s losses, there was the even bigger disappointment last Tuesday, when Palin’s hand-picked gubernatorial candidate in Georgia, Karen Handel, lost to fellow Republican Nathan Deal. Palin had exerted all of her efforts in that race even appearing with Handel at a campaign rally just hours before the vote. All to no avail however, as Handel was handily defeated. Also in August, Palin-backed candidates Rep. Todd Tiahrt, who was vying for Senate in Kansas – and Tennessee congressional candidate CeCe Heil lost their elections.

The bloom is now officially off of Sarah Palin’s rose. The majority of voters in all five of those conservative states rejected candidates that share a political ideology with Palin. Those rejections follow on the heels of the recently released TheIowaRepublican.com poll which was conducted from July 25th through July 28th. It revealed that Palin is ranked a lowly fourth by Iowa Republicans regarding who they would like as the Republican presidential candidate in 2012. She was favored by only 11% of those polled. Hence, Palin and her political philosophy have been rejected in six conservative states just this month.

Will the trend continue? Let’s hope so. Palin’s next tests come Tuesday when Alaska, Arizona and Florida hold their primary votes. In Alaska, Palin has backed Joe Miller in his long shot bid to defeat Republican Senate incumbent Lisa Murkowski. In Arizona, Palin went with Sen. John McCain in his Senate primary bid against former Rep. J.D. Hayworth. And in Florida, Palin has picked Republican candidate Marco Rubio in that state’s Senate race.

Please remember to click on both song links below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody. Enjoy!

Sunny song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubvYQxTXO3U

SARAH

(sung to the Bobby Hebb song “Sunny”)

Sarah, you sunk the knife into ol’ John McCain
Sarah, since then you’ve been riding the crazy train
Now your sane days are gone, and your Fox days are here
You’re number one at spreading fear
Sarah, why do you have no clue?

Sarah, selling that Tea Party Kool-Aid
Funny, how they bought your “death panel” charade
Signed for a fee, books at the mall
“Such a steal” you told them all
Money just for you, girl that’s true

Sarah, we’ve seen your untruths on the TV
Sarah, misconstruing facts from A to Z
Crib-note hand universally panned
You’re as misinformed as Michele Bachmann
Sarah, why do you have no clue?

Sarah, soon we’ll wipe that smile right off your face
Sarah, thank you, thank you for lacking all style and grace
You’re a dark bad natured liar
Preaching to a brain-dead choir
Funny but its true, yes, you are screwed

Sarah, you’re an unloved wife that’s filled with rage
Sarah, the G.O.P. should really, really keep you caged
Cuz you might shoot your gun as your brain slips a gear
And blast someone that you hold dear
Sarah, yes it’s true, you’re unglued
You’re unglued
You’re unglued
You’re unglued