Just a few newsworthy events (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!
BREAKING NEWS: The family of Christina Taylor Green, the nine-year-old girl killed when a gunman opened fire on Rep. Gabrielle Giffords at a “Congress on Your Corner” event, has donated some of her organs, and they are already saving another child’s life. Some of her organs were transplanted to a little girl from Boston.
THIS JUST IN: Speaking of transplants, it has been reported that former Vice President and Torturer in Chief, Dick Cheney may require a heart transplant. Is anyone else out there surprised to learn that he had one in the first place?
BREAKING NEWS: Joe Lieberman, the sometimes Democrat, sometimes Republican Senator from Connecticut has announced that he will retire at the end of his term. At least this way his dismissal from the Senate will be on his own terms and not those of the Connecticut voters. Hey Joe, don’t let the door hit you in one of your two faces on the way out!
THIS JUST IN: North Dakota’s Blue-Dog Democratic Senator Kent Conrad has also announced that he will not seek re-election. Conrad was one of the Democrats who helped sink the public option during the health care reform debates. Hey Kent, please take note of what we had to say to fellow traitor Joe Lieberman just above!
BREAKING NEWS: Speaking of health care reform, the state of Vermont may be moving towards a single payer system. The Bennington Banner reports that Vermont’s congressional delegation joined Governor Peter Shumlin Tuesday to announce legislation that would allow states to seek federal health care waivers in 2014, and the flexibility to craft their own state-level health care plans. Landmark health care reform legislation signed into law last year by President Barack Obama provides states the option of seeking a federal waiver to opt out of some requirements of the bill as long as certain standards are maintained. That provision was sought by U.S. Sen. Bernie Sanders, a Vermont independent. Shumlin, a Democrat sworn in to office earlier this month, promised during the campaign that he would seek a single-payer health care system for the state. Let’s hear it for the progressive state of Vermont!
THIS JUST IN: The polar opposite of Vermont of course, is the backward state of Alabama. Speaking on Martin Luther King Jr. Day in the very church where Dr. King once pastored, new Alabama Governor Robert Bentley gave a speech in which he said that those who have not accepted Jesus Christ as their savior are not his “brothers.” How is that for an all inclusive Republican umbrella?
BREAKING NEWS: The Reagan boys may be bickering as to whether or not their father, Ronald Reagan had lost his mind while in office, but former CBS reporter Leslie Stahl knows the truth. In the book she published in 2000, Reporting Live, Stahl recounts a disturbing encounter she had with Reagan in the summer of 1986. Stahl was finishing up a stint as CBS News’ White House correspondent, and she was awarded the customary farewell audience with the president. She wrote,
“…Reagan didn’t seem to know who I was. He gave me a distant look with those milky eyes and shook my hand weakly. Oh, my, he’s gonzo, I thought. I have to go out on the lawn tonight and tell my countrymen that the president of the United States is a doddering space cadet. My heart began to hammer with the import…I was aware of the delicacy with which I would have to write my script. But I was quite sure of my diagnosis.”
THIS JUST IN: We are happy to report that both Glenn Beck and Sean Hannity had their nationally syndicated radio shows dropped from WPHT in Philadelphia, which is the second radio station to drop both of the conservative commentators. A few weeks ago Beck was dropped from station WOR in New York, and Hannity was dropped from KSL Radio in Utah. Speculation is that poor ratings and an industry-wide advertiser desire to distance itself from the rhetoric spouted by hate radio may have been the catalyst for the cancellations.
BREAKING NEWS: The most recent Washington Post/ABC poll reveals that 52% of Americans now hold unfavorable views of the Tea Party which is a new high. Only 35% like the Tea Baggers which is the same percentage that hold favorable views of Saudi Arabia. Shockingly, more Americans favor Russia (47%) and socialism (36%) over the Tea Party.
THIS JUST IN: Lynnrockets is by no means a fan of Howard Stern, but he uttered one of the more memorable lines about Sarah Palin this week. No, we are not referring to his expletive-laced diatribe against the Queen of Quit. We liked this one simple sentence: “This woman is a vomit.” Short and to the point.
Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody which features the whole bunch of conservatives.
California Dreamin’ song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xN9r0bWe78
(sung to the Mamas & The Papas song “California Dreamin’”)
All their shirts are brown
(All their shirts are brown)
And their hair is grey
(And their hair is grey)
Listen to them talk
(Listen to them talk)
As they loudly pray
(As they loudly pray)
Scandal is their norm
(Scandal is their norm)
They have one every day
(They have one every day)
And politics of hate
Members of John Birch
Some won’t admit they’re gay
But when they get down on their knees
(Get down on their knees)
That’s when they like to play
(When they like to play)
These slimy creatures should be told
(Creatures should be told)
Membership’s gone away
(Members gone away)
Has led them all astray
Glenn Beck is a clown
(Glenn Beck is a clown)
What does Limbaugh weigh?
(What does Limbaugh weigh?)
Palin cannot talk
(Palin cannot talk)
She’s no Tina Fey
(She’s no Tina Fey)
Somebody should tell her
(Somebody should tell her)
To just go away
(To just go away)
Has become so cliché
Has lost all its cache´
Drives voters all away
Just a few noteworthy news satellites that have been careening around the blogosphere this week.
BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Why Am I Not Surprised?” features Arizona state senator Russell Pearce who authored his state’s newly enacted racist immigrant law. Crooks and Liars has revealed that Senator Pearce is rather chummy with a guy named J.T. Ready, who also happens to be one of Arizona’s leading neo-Nazis. “May I see your papers, please?”
THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Rush To Judgment” features who else but Rush Limbaugh. Media Matters reports, “With a controversial immigration bill signed into law in Arizona and President Obama’s call ‘to make sure that the young people, African-Americans, Latinos, and women who powered our victory in 2008 stand together once again,’ it was little wonder that Rush would have a particularly racially charged show today (April 26th). Limbaugh pointed out that Obama didn’t specifically call on Democrats to ‘reconnect with white people’ and took off from there. Discussing the campaign video, Rush said, ‘This is the regime at its racist best,’ and that Obama ‘has purposely come to divide people” on racial lines’.”
BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Boy, Do I Hope She Is Right” features Democratic Party candidate Tarryl Clark who is running against moonbat-crazy Republican Michele Bachmann for the US Senate. Of Bachmann, Clark said, “She’ll still be on Fox News after I defeat her”. Let’s hope so.
THIS JUST IN: In a rare weekly twofer, this week’s episode of “Welcome To The Alternative Universe” also features right wing radio comedian, Rush Limbaugh. Limbaugh’s understanding of the world which surrounds him is so distorted that this week he announced that the oil spill catastrophe in the Gulf was actually the fault of environmentalists and the Obama Administration. Yes, you read that correctly. He claimed that the initial explosion and fire at the rig was caused by explosives planted by environmentalists and then he blamed the resulting environmentally disastrous effects upon the federal government’s failure to step in sooner with remediation methods. Of course Limbaugh laid no blame upon the foreign BP corporation for failing to safeguard its own rig from malfunction, for downplaying the significance of its massive malfunction for nearly a week and for balking at assuming the costs of remediation. Rush Limbaugh is simply a propagandist buffoon.
BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Boycott For Change” features the thousands upon thousands of American citizens that have elected to boycott the State of Arizona so long as its recently enacted racial profiling inspired anti immigrant law remains in effect. Conventions, hotel bookings and vacations galore to Arizona have been canceled or moved to other states in the last week by socially conscious Americans who can smell a stink when it stinks. Bravo!
THIS JUST IN: Here is a little poem about Sarah Palin. Remember when “shrill baby, shrill” proclaimed on her “hill baby, hill” that we should “drill baby, drill” with no worry of “spill baby, baby spill”?
BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Another One Bites the Dust” features Florida Governor Charlie Crist. As the result of of poor polling numbers against conservative Republican challenger Marco “Polo” Rubio, the moderate Republican Crist has elected to ditch the G.O.P. and run as an Independent ala Joe “Say It Ain’t So” Lieberman. The Republican herd is thinning by natural selection.
THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “I couldn’t Have Said It Better Myself” features Bill Maher who this week twittered, “Every asshole who ever chanted ‘Drill Baby Drill’ should have to report to the Gulf Coast today for cleanup duty”.
BREAKING NEWS: In a very rare threepeat, this week’s episode of ” The Next Time You Say Something, Try To Have A Point” features who else but Rush Limbaugh. In response to former President Bill Clinton saying “right-wing, radio talk-show hosts” kept people in “white heat” nearly 15 years ago before the deadly Oklahoma City bombing, and warning against similar anger in the age of Obama, Limbaugh says, the Clinton and the Obama “regime” are the ones that have “set the stage for violence.” he also says,”Bill Clinton … just gave the kooks out there an excuse to be violent. He just offered them an opportunity to be violent.” Huh? Has Limbaugh now modeled his ability to reason on that of Sarah Palin?
By the way Rush, when is your big move to Costa Rica?
In honor of Rush Limbaugh’s triple inclusion in today’s blog post it seems appropriate to feature him in today’s song parody. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s parody.
Mockingbird song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeOqD3uMIRs&feature=related
(sung to the Carly Simon/James Taylor song “Mockingbird”)
Talk (yeah) ing (yeah) turd (yeah)
Now, everybody sure has heard
Rush Limbaugh the big fat talking turd
That loudmouth talking turd is king
Of all those racists in the right-wing
But those in the right-wing front line
Are busy planning for their next hate crime
And that’s why I keep on tellin’ everybody
Say yeah, yeah whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh
Hear me now and understand
Rush lives only to hate and malign
And if ratings decline someday
Limbaugh will spread hate in another way
And if that other way makes dough
He’ll ride with the tide and go with the flow
And that’s why I keep on shoutin’ in your ear
Say yeah, yeah whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh
Now, everyone should doubt his word
Rush Limbaugh is just a talking turd
And when that talking turd does sing
We can tell he’s just a ding-a-ling
And when that ding-a-ling just whines
Yes, Republicans will still think he shines
And there’s a reason why I keep on tellin’ everybody
Say yeah, yeah no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
Listen now and understand
Rush Limbaugh surely has lost his mind
And though he drugged his mind away
The right-wing nuts still listen everyday
Like Sarah Palin and that Plumber, Joe
He’s a dead fish that just “goes with the flow”
And that’s the reason why he keeps on spreadin’ all that fear
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, now, now, baby
The Twelve (OK, Fourteen) Days of Christmas Song Parodies continues…
Just a few comment-worthy news stories that have made their way around the stratosphere this week.
BREAKING NEWS: Sarah Palin has predictably decided to respond to the media reports and photos of her donning a John McCain emblazoned visor on which she crossed out the name “McCain” with a black magic marker. Palin told Politico.com that she was merely trying to be incognito while on vacation in Hawaii. She went on to say,
I am so sorry if people took this silly incident the wrong way, I adore John McCain, support him 100 percent and will do everything I can to support his reelection. As everyone knows, I was honored and proud to run with him. And Todd and I were with him in D.C. just a week ago. So much for trying to be incognito.
The question remains however, that if she was trying to remain incognito, wouldn’t it have been much easier to simply wear a different hat. Surely she could have purchased a nondescript visor at the thousands of beach gear shops in Hawaii. Also, if she was truly trying to remain incognito, then why did she wear a tee-shirt that said, “If You Don’t Like America Then Get The Hell Out”? Then again, maybe the tee-shirt was intended for Todd “The First Dude” Palin inasmuch as he was a member of the secessionist minded Alaskan Independence Party. Our guess with regard to “HatGate” is that Palin purposely defaced the visor to payback McCain for saying that she is “irrelevant” last week.
THIS JUST IN: Uber-right-wing pundit and anchor baby Michelle Malkin reported last week that Democratic Senator Ben Nelson of Nebraska was being threatened by Senate Democrats with “closure of an air force base,” presumably Offutt Air Force Base, which is south of Omaha and home of U.S. Strategic Command if Nelson does not get on-board with the party regarding its health care reform bill. Of course as usual, Malkin’s report was baseless. Her story has been denied by all parties involved including Senator Nelson’s office. Nelson spokesman Jake Thompson said both of Malkin’s claims about Nelson are false. He also said,
The rumor is not true. This misinformation is coming from inside-the-Beltway partisans who only want to derail health care reform.
Additionally, White House Communications Director Dan Pfeiffer said,
Proving that they will leave no stone unturned in their efforts to undermine health reform, some blogs opposing reform are now trafficking an absurd rumor that Nebraska’s Offutt Air Force Base is being threatened over Senator Ben Nelson’s vote on the Senate reform bill.To be perfectly clear: these rumors are completely baseless and false.
Despite the evidence that the Malkin story was untrue, Glenn Beck nevertheless reiterated the story in its entirety on his Fox News show.
BREAKING NEWS: The website cqpolitics.com reports that moonbat-crazy Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann has suffered another defection. The Gula Graham Group, a Republican fundraising and consulting firm, ended their three-year relationship with Bachmann last week, GOP sources with knowledge of the firm’s decision said Wednesday. “I can confirm that the Gula Graham Group no longer works for Congresswoman Bachmann,” Mike Gula said. “We chose to go in a different direction.” The firm’s departure comes less than two months after Bachmann’s chief of staff, Michelle Marston, left the office. Marston was Bachmann’s third chief of staff in as many years. Meanwhile casting is still underway for the Michele Bachmann bio-pic titled, “One More Flew From The Cuckoo’s Nest.”
THIS JUST IN: In this week’s edition of Something Stupid That Someone From Hollywood Said, we have washed-up and over the hill martial artist Chuck Norris. In Thursday’s edition of World Net Daily, Norris ponders what would have happened if President Obama traveled back in time and convinced the Virgin Mary to abort Jesus Christ. Norris wrote,
Lastly, as we sit on the eve of another Christmas, I wonder: What would have happened if Mother Mary were covered by Obamacare? What if that young, poor uninsured teenaged woman were provided the federal funds (via Obamacare) and facilities (via Planned Parenthood, etc.) to avoid the ridicule, ostracizing, persecution and possible stoning because of her out-of-wedlock pregnancy? Will Obamacare morph into Herodcare for the unborn? Imagine all the great souls who could have been erased from history and the influence of mankind, if only they too would have been as progressive as Washington’s wise men and women!
Yeah, OK Chuck.
BREAKING NEWS: Former Republican House Majority Leader Dick Armey (that name never fails to crack me up) found himself in the news again last week. As most of you know, the Department of Homeland Security issued a report warning that right-wing extremist groups that are “primarily hate-oriented” and “are mainly anti-government” were “likely to grow in strength” following President Obama’s election. Many conservatives misinterpreted the warning and mischaracterized it to mean that all conservatives should be labeled as terrorists. Dick Armey has furthered that misconception. Thinkprogress.org reports that at the “Code Red Rally” on Capitol Hill on December 15th, Armey greeted the crowd by saying, “I’ve never seen so many attractive domestic terrorists in all my life.” By downplaying the actual threat caused by a small minority of activists, Armey and his ilk are contributing to the violence that results therefrom. But really, what should we expect from Armey and his platoon of under-educated Tea-Baggers?
THIS JUST IN: Please do yourselves a favor and click on this political humor site (here) to see the 4o Funniest Protest Signs of 2009!
BREAKING NEWS: Remember last week’s edition of Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) where we posted an entry about the Tea-Baggers’ December 15th Die-In at the nation’s Capitol building? Well, nevermind. Seems there was such sparse attendance that the protest died before the Tea-Baggers could start fake dying.
THIS JUST IN: Kudos to Democratic Senator Al Franken for limiting Independent (Ya, right) Senator Joe LIEberman to his allotted ten minutes of speaking time on the Senate floor last week. Jeers to Republican Senator and failed Presidential nominee John McCain for chastising Franken for the exact same action which McCain himself had taken while he was presiding over debate regarding the Iraq War Authorization in 2002. It is a good thing that McCain was not elected President because he is clearly as forgetful and feeble minded as Ronald Reagan.
Please remember to click on the song link below so as to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s holiday song parody.
Have A Holly Jolly Christmas song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGyGNxHtvRk&feature=related
HAVE A SARAH PALIN CHRISTMAS
(sung to the Burl Ives version of “Have A Holly Jolly Christmas”)
Have a Sarah Palin Christmas
And go shoot a nice reindeer
Ho, Ho, Ho blood in the snow
Now jump around and cheer
Have a Sarah Palin Christmas
Knowing that you’re packing heat
Say hello to “Plumber Joe”
And send Glenn Beck a “tweet”
Hello to “Sixpack Joe”
And there’s Hannity
Somebody’s looking blue
That’s Mike Huckabee
Have a Sarah Palin Christmas
Don’t let Todd get near the beer
Dark mascara’s just the thing for Sarah’s Christmas
(Have a Sarah Palin Christmas)
(Spreading hate and lots of fear)
Have a Sarah Palin Christmas
Find somebody you can cheat
Say Hello then steal the dough
Of everyone you meet
Ho, Ho she’s sunk so low
Since her last defeat
Nothing she says is true
She’s a lying thief
Have a Sarah Palin Christmas
But please do not have it here
Let’s all ask her to stay in Alaska, Christmas