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We Will Return Shortly To Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

Lynnrockets (and many other WordPress bloggers) is experiencing some technical difficulties this morning. Apparently there has been some sort of glitch affecting the WordPress servers which has prevented us from accessing the backrooms of our blogs since yesterday afternoon. In layman’s terms that means we have not been able to write or publish new material until now. Unfortunately, Lynnrockets is busy working in the Boston judicial system today and as a consequence thereof, you Rocketeers will have to make do with a very hastily prepared blog entry.

In celebration of Sarah Palin’s recent junket to India and Israel we thought we might re-post a couple of older song parodies about the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska’s trips to Hong Kong and Kosovo. The nostalgia is running heavy today! Please enjoy (once again)! We will see you tomorrow with new material.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on both of the song links below to familiarize yourselves with the tunes and to have more fun singing along to the parodies.

Downtown song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sku-1hqA5xw

HONG KONG

(sung to the Petula Clark song “Downtown”)

When she’s not home cuz life is making her lonely
Know where Palin goes? – Hong Kong
She’ll have to hurry just to avoid snow flurries
And she hates the snow – Hong Kong
We all knew she would lose it staying in Wasilla City
Standing on a sidewalk like a hooker that we pity
Sarah’s a flooze

The lights are much brighter there
She can take a bath with bubbles, and do up her hair
She’ll go Hong Kong, things’ll be great there in
Hong Kong – she’ll do some face paintin’
Hong Kong – she’ll even buy some new shoes

In China-Town she’ll order champagne around two
And “go with the flow” – Hong Kong
She’ll grab some dough cuz she has places to go
And she’ll buy new clothes – Hong Kong
She thinks she’ll be a shining star just like a super-nova
But does she know that she’ll explode; stardom will be over
‘fore it begins?

The heights are much higher there
All the intensity doubles as will all her fears
Down in Hong Kong – she’ll be uptight alright
Hong Kong – without a clue that night
Hong Kong – Palin is no sacred cow

(tax break)

She’ll never find somebody kind that understands her world view
Someone who has got a clue not someone like the First Dude
Tagging along

She’ll see that life is not fair
She will leave town on the double, she’ll get out of there
No more Hong Kong, she will escape those shores
Hong Kong – She’ll head right out the door
Hong Kong – she’ll head straight back to Mat-Su

Hong Kong, Hong Kong, Hong Kong, Hong Kong

Kokomo song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VolRRTEQ2F8

KOSOVO

(sung to the Beach Boys song “Kokomo”)

Wasilla, Alaska oooo  off to Nebraska
New York and Canada and she can see Russia
Germany, Mexico, places Sarah did go

From Albania east
There’s a place called Kosovo
That’s where Palin did go to get away from it all

Her jet plane did land
At an airbase in that foreign land
She’s the traveling Guv
We’ll be thinking of but we can’t stand
A clown in Kosovo

Wasilla, Alaska oooo  off to Nebraska
New York and Canada and she can see Russia
Germany, Mexico, places Sarah did go

Ooo we wanna make her stay in Kosovo
She’ll be their ass
And she’ll dress like a ‘ho
Way off in Kosovo
Way off in Kosovo

First Dude’s a geek, that snowsuit is tres chic

Sarah’s overseas
And she’s learning geography
By and by she will try a little foreign policy

Shooting wolves in flight
Beehive is pulled too tight
The way that she blinks her eyes
Should creep out the National Guard guys
Way off in Kosovo

Wasilla, Alaska oooo  off to Nebraska
New York and Canada and she can see Russia
Germany, Mexico, places Sarah did go

Ooo we wish she’d settle down in Kosovo
Please get there fast
And please take Plumber Joe
That’s where we wish they’d go
Way off to Kosovo

Preen and primp, Bristol could land a pimp

(Founding Fathers break)

She could make new foes
Most every day in Kosovo
Spending per diem dough
But she would sure miss the mall
Way off in Kosovo

Wasilla, Alaska oooo  off to Nebraska
New York and Canada and she can see Russia
Germany, Mexico, places Sarah did go

Ooo we wish she’d settle down in Kosovo
Please get there fast
And please take Plumber Joe
That’s where we wish they’d go
Way off to Kosovo

Wasilla, Alaska oooo  off to Nebraska
New York and Canada and she can see Russia
(fading)

OY VEY! Sarah Palin Heads To Israel!

OK then. Now that the first leg of Sarah Palin’s two-legged world tour is over, let’s concentrate on stage two – Israel. Her goal remains the same. It is merely an attempt to bolster both her near non-existent foreign policy acumen as well as to flee her own nation in light of her ever-decreasing popularity among Republicans.

The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska plans to visit Israel for two days, and will meet with Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu and other members of Israel’s right-wing, including Likud MK Danny Danon, a Danon aide told The Jerusalem Post. One can only imagine the damage that Palin might possibly inflict upon the Israeli/Palistinian peace process if Netanyahu either A) can understand a single word she is talking about or B) adopts any of her recommendations on the subject. I can hear her now,

“Hey Ben, I just love those settlements in the West Bank. They remind me of those capitalistic gold-seekers who rushed to Alaska spreading freedom and oil all over our childrens future in the Great White People North!”

Politico.com reports that Palin’s Israel junket was booked not through diplomatic channels but through a Christian tour operator. That should ensure that Palin gets some kudos from the evangelical right who might have frowned upon a meeting with a non-christian politician. It will also guarantee that we will all soon be blessed with obligatory photos of the Queen of Quit stuffing a crib-note in a crevice of the Wailing Wall and dragging a faux crucifixion cross through the streets of Jerusalem. It is also likely that Palin’s band of followers will receive some sort of Facebook posting or Twitter tweet about how God spoke to her in the Holy City and told her whether or not to run for President, but that she should keep it a secret until later.

Despite all of her best efforts to enhance her foreign policy credentials however, there is still an ever-increasing number of Republicans and Independents that hope that Sarah Palin will remain overseas for the foreseeable future. Every single recent poll reveals that Palin is precipitously losing popularity within those groups. She has no hope of being elected President, yet her refusal to state her intentions clouds the GOP nomination waters. She is a problem that most Republicans wish would go away and stay away.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody. Enjoy!

Hava Naguila song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_G1jF4Pnh0

SHE’S FROM WASILLA

(sung to the Harry Belafonte version of  “Hava Naguila”)

She’s from Wasilla
She’s a moose griller
Built a new villa
Sarah Palin

John McCain killer
Hate speech distiller
Endorsed Joe Miller
Sarah Palin

Off to the Holy Land
She’s there to lend a hand
Flames of hatred to fan
Sarah Palin

Travelling one-gal band
Waiving her hundred-grand
Universally panned
Sarah Palin

No clue, like Charlie Sheen
Tea-Party Queen, yes that is Sarah
She loves to preen, too much mascara
Palin’s a scream, that’s right she’ll scare-ya
Tea-Baggers’ dream with beehive hair
Nasty and mean
Throw in obscene
That’s Sarah Palin

Low-rent thought-chiller
A Phyllis Diller
She hates Ben Stiller
Sarah Palin

Next trip? Manila
Speak with gorilla
She’s not vanilla
Sarah Palin

Off to the Holy Land
Crib notes upon her hand
Flames of hatred to fan
Sarah Palin

Travelling one-gal band
A flaming fire-brand
She really should be banned
Sarah Palin

No clue, like Charlie Sheen
Tea-Party Queen, yes that is Sarah
She loves to preen, too much mascara
Palin’s a scream, that’s right she’ll scare-ya
Tea-Baggers’ dream with beehive hair
Nasty and mean
Throw in obscene
That’s Sarah Palin

She’s from Wasilla
She’s a moose griller
Built a new villa
Sarah Palin

John McCain killer
Hate speech distiller
Endorsed Joe Miller
Sarah Palin

Off to the Holy Land
Sporting her desert tan
Flames of hatred to fan
Sarah Palin

Travelling one-gal band
Next stop is Disney Land
She really should be banned
Sarah Palin

No clue, like Charlie Sheen
Tea-Party Queen, yes that is Sarah
She loves to preen, too much mascara
Palin’s a scream, that’s right she’ll scare-ya
Tea-Baggers’ dream with beehive hair
Nasty and mean
Throw in obsceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeene
That’s Sarah Paliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin

Palin Hopes To Smoke Peace-Pipe With Indians

Lynnrockets has just received a pirated copy of the highly secretive speech which Sarah Palin plans to deliver in India this weekend. The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska will deliver the keynote address at the India Today Conclave in New Dehli, a gathering that also features Egyptian opposition leader Mohamed El Baradei and Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh. It would appear that Palin is making the trip abroad in an attempt to both bolster her near non-existent foreign policy acumen as well as to flee her own nation in light of her ever-decreasing popularity among Republicans.

This speech will in no way improve her chances at a run for U.S. President. GlobalPost.com reports Palin is unlikely to share a confab with the Indian prime minister. She is on the guest list for the same reason she’s invited anywhere. The conclave is not a peace summit; it’s a for-profit enterprise designed to boost magazine revenue. And because of the circus that surrounds her — and the chance that she will say something surprising or baffling — Palin puts bottoms in seats.

Indeed, former Indian former foreign secretary Kanwal Sibal said,

“Let me put it this way: There will be no serious political attention paid to what she says, but it will be watched with some curiosity to see what potential faux pas she may make.”

Ouch! That is going to leave a mark!

Moving along, here is Sarah Palin’s speech:

Well hiya, Indians. How!

Ya know, I always wondered where curry and peace pipes came from, and now I know. Hey congratulations on not spreading the wealth around.

As a foremost expert on Energies and such I asked my son Trig if I should accept your offer to speak here tonight and he said hell-yeah!
Ya know the only thing more precious than a child, is a vision of an economic that ensures the greatness of achievements so the taxpayers freedoms remain free, like our founding fathers did before our childrens’ future, which is what I’m fighting for but the lametream media won’t let me because they keep making things up also and I wish they’d just quit it ya know?
Because Governing Alaska was just a leetle bit more qualifying than organizing black kids, you betcha, so that’s why I’m on Fox News all the time because basketball moms know the difference between helicopter wolf-hunting and clothes-shopping and when you read all the newspapers like I do you have to ask yourself the hard questions and get things done while protecting your shores because, as a mother, I have a fridge magnet that inspires me every day to keep going and keep fighting for things that are need to be done so that our kids can’t be indoctrinated by the nay-sayers who aren’t real Americans from which we can learn politics as usual isn’t what I’m all about and we should all ask ourselves, in what context? By the way, where’s the casino also, too?

Thank You.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody. Enjoy!

Turning Japanese song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEmJ-VWPDM4

LEARNING PALINESE

(sung to the Vapors song “Turning Japanese”)

She quotes from scripture
Says, “also too”
Limited world-view
Of that I knew
She was so daring to say, “thanks but no thank you”

Helen Keller
Was more profound
Poor Sarah Palin
Knows so few nouns
I reach for tissue every time that she expounds

Her book has pictures, yes lots of pictures
That’s why the worthless thing flew right off the shelf
Had a witch doctor concoct a mixture
That would drive her demons right on back to hell
She’s got me turning up and turning down and turning in and turning round

I’m learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
Learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
I’m learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
Learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so

I saw her picture, I saw her picture
And then I threw-up there all over myself
Sarah’s a talking Tea Party fixture
“Refudiating” things she just said herself
She’s got me turning up and turning down and turning in and turning round

I’m learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
Learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
I’m learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
Learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so

All sex and thugs and whining woman
All guns, dumb kin, no clue, she’s lost in the dark
She told us that “death panels” were a sure-fire danger
She speaks in tongues and babbles like a psycho ranger
Hope she runs

That’s why I’m learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
Learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
I’m learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
Learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so

(gibberish break)

Learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
I’m learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
Learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so
Think so, think so, think so
I’m learning Palinese I think I’m learning Palinese I really think so

Sarah Palin Will Serve Word-Salad In India

The reason Sarah Palin's speech in Hong Kong will be closed to the press.

Today Lynnrockets has good news and bad news. The good news is that Sarah Palin will be leaving the country. The bad news is that Sarah Palin will be leaving the country and  making a laughing-stock out of the United States while speaking in India. After all, Sarah Palin reflects on our nation like Borat reflects on Kazakhstan.

The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska will be traveling to India next month to speak at the 10th annual India Today Conclave. The conference is billed as a high-profile talk-shop of “global thought leaders”. Time reports that Palin “will be speaking alongside heavyweights such as Mohammed ElBaradei — at one stage, the figurehead of Egypt’s pro-democracy movement — feminist firebrand Germaine Greer, and the Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh. Her speech, according to reports, is tentatively titled “My Vision for America.”‘

Since when is Sarah Palin a “global thought leader”? She is not, after all, much of a traveler. During her failed 2008 campaign she admitted to having traveled abroad only twice. Indeed, she falsely claimed that she had been to Iraq when in actuality, she never left bordering Kuwait. In her first ghost-written memoir she also wrote about her family’s trips to Canada when she was a child to utilize that country’s medical system. In 2009 she traveled to Hong Kong to deliver a speech to a group of world-wide investors but the event was closed to the press.Then, earlier this year she went to Haiti to witness the devastation of the cholera outbreak. That is it. Sarah Palin is no Dora the Explorer.

Her limited international awareness notwithstanding, Sarah Palin is also a terrible speaker. Has there ever been a more verbally challenged politician? Think about it, haven’t successful politicians historically been able to charm and beguile voters with the help of a well formed phrase? If such is the case, then how did Sarah Palin ever manage to get elected to any public office higher than dog catcher? Consider some of her actual quotations such as these:

“As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It’s Alaska. It’s just right over the border.” –Sarah Palin, explaining why Alaska’s proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience, interview with CBS’s Katie Couric, Sept. 24, 2008, and

“All of ‘em, any of ‘em that have been in front of me over all these years.” –Sarah Palin, unable to name a single newspaper or magazine she reads, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Oct. 1, 2008, and

“They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan.” –Sarah Palin, speaking at a fundraiser in San Francisco, Oct. 5, 2008, and

“If [the media] convince enough voters that that is negative campaigning, for me to call Barack Obama out on his associations then I don’t know what the future of our country would be in terms of First Amendment rights and our ability to ask questions without fear of attacks by the mainstream media.” –Sarah Palin, getting First Amendment rights backwards while suggesting that criticism of her is unconstitutional, radio interview with WMAL-AM, Oct. 31, 2008

Perhaps her India speech (which has been modified from a speech about her Hong Kong trip by a blogger) will be something like this:

From the Kitchen Office of The Quitting Half-Term Governor of the Republic Of Alaska

Well hiya, Indians. How!

Ya know, I always wondered where curry and peace pipes came from, and now I know. Hey congratulations on not spreading the wealth around.

As a foremost expert on Energies and such I asked my son Trig if I should accept your offer to speak here tonight and he said hell-yeah!
Ya know the only thing more precious than a child, is a vision of an economic that ensures the greatness of achievements so the taxpayers freedoms remain free, like our founding fathers did before our childrens’ future, which is what I’m fighting for but the lametream media won’t let me because they keep making things up also and I wish they’d just quit it ya know?
Because Governing Alaska was just a leetle bit more qualifying than organizing black kids, you betcha, so that’s why I’m on Fox News all the time because basketball moms know the difference between helicopter wolf-hunting and clothes-shopping and when you read all the newspapers like I do you have to ask yourself the hard questions and get things done while protecting your shores because, as a mother, I have a fridge magnet that inspires me every day to keep going and keep fighting for things that are need to be done so that our kids can’t be indoctrinated by the nay-sayers who aren’t real Americans from which we can learn politics as usual isn’t what I’m all about and we should all ask ourselves, in what context? By the way, where’s the casino also, too?

Thank You.

Quite simply, Sarah Palin must abide by that age old trial lawyer’s creed. To wit, ” If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, then baffle them with bullshit.”

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody. Enjoy!

Maxwell’s Silver Hammer song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpCV2wgoxC8

SARAH’S SILLY GRAMMAR

(sung to the The Beatles song “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer”)

Palin castigates and she miscommunicates
Speaking words unknown
She repeats and drones in a grating tone
Oh, oh, oh

She needs medicine, we’re in need of Excedrin
When she whines and moans
She’s less erudite than ol’ Fred Flinstone
Oh, oh, oh

She’s not as bright as that Plumber, Joe
And dresses like a whore

Slang!, slang!, Sarah’s silly grammar
That spews from out her head
Slang!, slang!, Sarah’s silly grammar
Her language we all dread

Safety-schools back then, Sarah had no acumen
Could not stay employed
Trying to avoid an unpleasant scene
Ee, ee, een

She can’t help but pray for luck each election day
Before she resigns
Working with a mind that is oh, so slow
Oh, oh, oh

She only aggravates and annoys
And gets in ethics binds

Slang!, slang!, Sarah’s silly grammar
That spews from out her head
Slang!, slang!, Sarah’s silly grammar
Her language we all dread

(death panel break)

By age forty-one, Palin was a dirty one
Sitting on her throne
Giving state jobs to all her friends from home
Oh, oh, oh

Quacking like a mallard while tossing a word salad
Sarah gives a speech
The words are just out of reach, it’s darn sloppy prose
Oh, oh, oh

And as the words are leaving her lips
She gets much more tongue tied

Slang!, slang!, Sarah’s silly grammar
That spews from out her head
Slang!, slang!, Sarah’s silly grammar
Her language we all dread

Silly grammar gal

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