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We Will Return Shortly To Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

Lynnrockets (and many other WordPress bloggers) is experiencing some technical difficulties this morning. Apparently there has been some sort of glitch affecting the WordPress servers which has prevented us from accessing the backrooms of our blogs since yesterday afternoon. In layman’s terms that means we have not been able to write or publish new material until now. Unfortunately, Lynnrockets is busy working in the Boston judicial system today and as a consequence thereof, you Rocketeers will have to make do with a very hastily prepared blog entry.

In celebration of Sarah Palin’s recent junket to India and Israel we thought we might re-post a couple of older song parodies about the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska’s trips to Hong Kong and Kosovo. The nostalgia is running heavy today! Please enjoy (once again)! We will see you tomorrow with new material.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on both of the song links below to familiarize yourselves with the tunes and to have more fun singing along to the parodies.

Downtown song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sku-1hqA5xw

HONG KONG

(sung to the Petula Clark song “Downtown”)

When she’s not home cuz life is making her lonely
Know where Palin goes? – Hong Kong
She’ll have to hurry just to avoid snow flurries
And she hates the snow – Hong Kong
We all knew she would lose it staying in Wasilla City
Standing on a sidewalk like a hooker that we pity
Sarah’s a flooze

The lights are much brighter there
She can take a bath with bubbles, and do up her hair
She’ll go Hong Kong, things’ll be great there in
Hong Kong – she’ll do some face paintin’
Hong Kong – she’ll even buy some new shoes

In China-Town she’ll order champagne around two
And “go with the flow” – Hong Kong
She’ll grab some dough cuz she has places to go
And she’ll buy new clothes – Hong Kong
She thinks she’ll be a shining star just like a super-nova
But does she know that she’ll explode; stardom will be over
‘fore it begins?

The heights are much higher there
All the intensity doubles as will all her fears
Down in Hong Kong – she’ll be uptight alright
Hong Kong – without a clue that night
Hong Kong – Palin is no sacred cow

(tax break)

She’ll never find somebody kind that understands her world view
Someone who has got a clue not someone like the First Dude
Tagging along

She’ll see that life is not fair
She will leave town on the double, she’ll get out of there
No more Hong Kong, she will escape those shores
Hong Kong – She’ll head right out the door
Hong Kong – she’ll head straight back to Mat-Su

Hong Kong, Hong Kong, Hong Kong, Hong Kong

Kokomo song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VolRRTEQ2F8

KOSOVO

(sung to the Beach Boys song “Kokomo”)

Wasilla, Alaska oooo  off to Nebraska
New York and Canada and she can see Russia
Germany, Mexico, places Sarah did go

From Albania east
There’s a place called Kosovo
That’s where Palin did go to get away from it all

Her jet plane did land
At an airbase in that foreign land
She’s the traveling Guv
We’ll be thinking of but we can’t stand
A clown in Kosovo

Wasilla, Alaska oooo  off to Nebraska
New York and Canada and she can see Russia
Germany, Mexico, places Sarah did go

Ooo we wanna make her stay in Kosovo
She’ll be their ass
And she’ll dress like a ‘ho
Way off in Kosovo
Way off in Kosovo

First Dude’s a geek, that snowsuit is tres chic

Sarah’s overseas
And she’s learning geography
By and by she will try a little foreign policy

Shooting wolves in flight
Beehive is pulled too tight
The way that she blinks her eyes
Should creep out the National Guard guys
Way off in Kosovo

Wasilla, Alaska oooo  off to Nebraska
New York and Canada and she can see Russia
Germany, Mexico, places Sarah did go

Ooo we wish she’d settle down in Kosovo
Please get there fast
And please take Plumber Joe
That’s where we wish they’d go
Way off to Kosovo

Preen and primp, Bristol could land a pimp

(Founding Fathers break)

She could make new foes
Most every day in Kosovo
Spending per diem dough
But she would sure miss the mall
Way off in Kosovo

Wasilla, Alaska oooo  off to Nebraska
New York and Canada and she can see Russia
Germany, Mexico, places Sarah did go

Ooo we wish she’d settle down in Kosovo
Please get there fast
And please take Plumber Joe
That’s where we wish they’d go
Way off to Kosovo

Wasilla, Alaska oooo  off to Nebraska
New York and Canada and she can see Russia
(fading)

Sarah Palin Is In Over Her Head

Sarah Palin trying to answer a question at the hong Kong Investors' Forum

Sarah Palin trying to answer a question at the Hong Kong Investors' Forum

As you know, Sarah Palin’s speech at the Hong Kong Investors’ Forum on September 23, 2009 was closed to the press. This is quite understandable when one considers that we have no idea if the event sponsors were being serious when they invited her to speak, or if it is some type of wonderful practical joke in which they  burst out in laughter at her inability to converse on the subject of international investment. I am guessing that the latter is the more likely scenario.

By the way, Bloomberg has reported on the speech in part as such,

She started the speech with the Alaskan fishing industry, which I think is a safe topic for her,” said Suyeon An of RCM Asia Pacific Ltd, who left before Palin stopped talking. “She was avoiding the important economic issues. She tried to talk some about Hong Kong in general, but it was nothing specific. It was a very safe speech, boring I have to say.

The Standard reports,

Two US delegates left early, with one saying ”It was awful, we couldn’t stand it any longer”. He declined to be identified.

By this time, Palin must be feeling that she was in way over her head regarding the subject matter she was expected to be conversant in. Can you imagine the thoughts that must have been floating around in that empty skull of hers? Well we can, so please enjoy this autobiographical song parody about Ms. Palin’s Hong Kong speech.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Over My Head song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auGszSQo0y4

I’M OVER MY HEAD

(sung to the Fleetwood Mac song “Over My Head”)

They say Hong Kong is paradise
Before going there, I should have thought twice
I’m over my head
But I like the rice

Nothing to say when I take that mike
I’m just a clown and yet they just might, think I’m crazy,
It’s such a plight

My thoughts are like a ferris wheel
They’re spinning all the time
Sometimes I can’t help but feel
That I’m losing all of my mind

Over my head Mmmm …

I hope I don’t just grunt and squeal
Perhaps I better mime
Why did I accept this deal
For a measly couple of dimes

They’ll be staring at my backside
I will be losing all of my pride
I’m over my head
And it don’t feel nice

I’m over my head
And it don’t feel nice

I’m over my head
And it don’t feel nice

Sarah Palin’s Hong Kong Sing Along

Sarah Palin waves to the First Dude as she leaves for Hong Kong.

Sarah Palin waves to the First Dude as she leaves for Hong Kong.

There have been no juicy updates this last week as to the details surrounding Sarah Palin’s guest speaking appearance at the CLSA forum in Hong Kong on September 23rd. We have learned however, that the event will be closed to the press. As Keith Olbermann said last night, this is interesting because Palin will be palling around with communists while restricting access to the democratic free press.We still do not know if the event organizers believe that the quitting ex-governor of Alaska actually has something meaningful to offer this group of investors or if her invitation is actually some sort of practical joke. The safe money however, is on the latter.

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody also, too.

Leaving On A Jet Plane song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4hsC0nRvZM

LEAVING ON A JET PLANE

(sung to the John Denver song “Leaving On A Jet Plane”)

All her bags are packed, she’ll “go with the flow”
Dressed like a flight attendant ‘ho
To save some dough Palin will fly stand-by
The “First Dude” must stay home, he’s so forlorn
Stapleton’s waiting, she’s blowing her horn
There’s so much stuff in Hong Kong she will buy

She’s bitchy yet smiles with glee
Giddy that they’ll pay her fee
She’s more famous now than Plumber Joe
She’s leavin’ on a jet plane
We hope that she won’t come back again
We love to see her go

At Kai Tak Airport her plane sets down
Nobody greets her with a crown
Don’t those Asians even know a thing?
She hopes that her room has a nice view
She hopes that she can see Russia too
Damn, she forgot that present for their king

She’s bitchy yet smiles with glee
Giddy that they’ll pay her fee
She’s more famous now than Plumber Joe
She’s leavin’ on a jet plane
We hope that she won’t come back again
We love to see her go

Now the time has come, her debut
They will learn, she has no clue
Averted eyes hope she fades away
They didn’t know she was dumb
Now they want her to just go home
Boarding that jet plane without delay

She’s bitchy yet smiles with glee
Happy that they paid her fee
Thinking of the ways she’ll spend her dough
She’s leavin’ on a jet plane
That Hong Kong trip was such a pain
She should have just said “no”

She’s leavin’ on a jet plane
That Hong Kong trip was such a pain
Why not pull a “no-show”?

Sarah Palin, The Hong Kong Ding Dong

The reason Sarah Palin's speech in Hong Kong will be closed to the press.

The reason Sarah Palin's speech in Hong Kong will be closed to the press.

It is being widely reported that Sarah Palin’s speech at the CLSA forum in Hong Kong on September 23rd will be closed to the public and the press. We can understand why this is the case in that the event organizers certainly want to keep the laughs in-house as further enticement to join their investors’ group and to sell more tickets. Let’s face it, even Carrottop’s comedy show is available only to ticket purchasers.

Not to worry though. We here at Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off have been provided a leaked copy of Palin’s speech. Well, actually we were told that it could be found in the comment section of  ThinkProgress (here is the link at #57). in any event here is the alleged text of her speech:

From the Kitchen Office of The Governor of the Republic Of Alaska

Well hiya, Honk Ong.

Ya know, I always wondered where Sushi came from, and now I know. Hey congratulations on gaining your freedom from those Commies in 1999.

As a foremost expert on Energies and such I asked my son Trig if I should accept your offer to speak here tonight and he said hell-yeah!
Ya know the only thing more precious than a child, is a vision of an economic that ensures the greatness of achievements so the taxpayers freedoms remain free, like our founding fathers did before our childrens future, which is what I’m fighting for but the media won’t let me because they keep making things up also and I wish they’d just quit it ya know?
Because Governing Alaska is just a leetle bit more qualifying than organizing black kids, you betcha, so that’s why I’m not quitting because basketball moms know the difference between helicopter wolf-hunting and clothes-shopping and when you read all the newspapers like I do you have to ask yourself the hard questions and get things done while protecting your shores because, as a mother, I have a fridge magnet that inspires me every day to keep going and keep fighting for things that are need to be done so that our kids can’t be indoctrinated by the nay-sayers who aren’t real Americans from which we can learn politics as usual isn’t what I’m all about and we should all ask ourselves, in what context? Also.

Thank You.

If this proves not to be the actual speech, don’t worry. In this day and age of cell phones, digital recording devices, etc., we are sure that the word salad will leak out. until then, please enjoy today’s song parody which seems quite appropriate. remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along.

Maxwell’s Silver Hammer song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzsL99OO8_s

SARAH’S SILLY GRAMMAR

(sung to the The Beatles song “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer”)

Palin castigates and she miscommunicates
Speaking words unknown
She repeats and drones in a grating tone
Oh, oh, oh

She needs medicine, we’re in need of Excedrin
When she whines and moans
She knows fewer words than ol’ Fred Flinstone
Oh, oh, oh

She’s not as bright as that Plumber, Joe
And dresses like a whore

Slang!, slang!, Sarah’s silly grammar
That spews from out her head
Slang!, slang!, Sarah’s silly grammar
Her language we all dread

Safety schools back then, Sarah had no acumen
Could not stay employed
Wishing to avoid an unpleasant scene
Ee, ee, een

She can’t help but pray for luck each election day
Though she should resign
Working with a mind that is oh, so slow
Oh, oh, oh

She only aggravates and annoys
And gets in ethics binds

Slang!, slang!, Sarah’s silly grammar
That spews from out her head
Slang!, slang!, Sarah’s silly grammar
Her language we all dread

By age forty-one, Palin was a dirty one
Sitting on her throne
Giving state jobs to all her friends from home
Oh, oh, oh

Quacking like a mallard while tossing a word salad
Sarah gives a speech
The words are just out of reach, it’s darn sloppy prose
Oh, oh, oh

And as the words are leaving her lips
She gets much more tongue tied

Slang!, slang!, Sarah’s silly grammar
That spews from out her head
Slang!, slang!, Sarah’s silly grammar
Her language we all dread

Silly grammar gal

Sarah Palin’s Lunch Bunch

Palin orders chalupas for winning bidders at Wasilla, AK Taco Bell

Palin orders chalupas for winning bidders at Wasilla, AK Taco Bell

We here at Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off have had to digest (pun intended) a lot of information before commenting on the lunch date with Sarah Palin that you can bid on at ebay. We all know the basics, right? Sarah Palin the ex-quitting-governor of Alaska has agreed to host a lunch date with herself, Todd “The First Dude” and two more of her friends with the winning bidder and four of his/her companions. All proceeds from the event, namely the amount of the winning bid, will be donated to a charitable group known as Ride2Recovery, which sponsors bike riding therapeutic sessions for wounded veterans. So far, so good.

In typical Palin fashion however, things are never so straight forward or simple. There are so many contingencies and pre-qualification requirements on bidding that we believe that the only two potentially acceptable bidders will be Joe The Plumber and Joe “You Lie” Wilson. To begin, the opening bid is          $ 25,000.00. Next, the lunch will take place at an establishment to be chosen by Sarah Palin and the winning bidder must fork over the extra dough (that was a food analogy, get it? fork, dough) required for travel to said destination. OK, so what fine dining establishment might Palin choose? We can only think of two. Either it will be at that infamous turkey farm where we watched Palin give an interview while simultaneously watching a turkey get its head ground to bits, or it will be at her favorite dinner spot as revealed by Levi Johnston in his Vanity Fair exposé, Chez Taco Bell. Both of these places are in Alaska by the way so airfare will not be cheap.

Moving right along, we then notice this particular disclaimer in the ebay offering:

A background check for all attendees is mandatory. Failure to pass the background check will result in the winner forfeiting the experience and a refund given.

and this,

Respect for Ms. Palin and her guest(s) is expected at all times. Inappropriate behavior will result in the conclusion of the experience with no refund.

and this,

Dinner shall last no more than four hours, but could be less, in the sole discretion of Sarah Palin.* Governor Palin reserves the right to refuse dinner with a winning bidder if, in her sole discretion, the winning bidder is not a suitable bidder based on her subjective standards of suitability, professionalism, background and other factors.

Let’s delve into this pre-qualification requirement a little bit. On the ebay webpage you must click on an icon and then provide such information as your name, address, and telephone and email info. This is a bit redundant because you already have to provide all of that information to ebay in order to bid on any of their auctions. It is then that you might notice the writing at the bottom of the pre-qualification form which says:

*After you submit this form, a Kompolt representative will review your information and contact you via phone to complete the Pre-Qualification process.

There’s the catch. You see, somebody will actually telephone you and interview you as to your political party affiliation, race, gender and religion. There will probably be one of those “litmus tests” regarding your pro-choice/pro-life leanings also, too. Hardly seems worth all of the effort, does it?

Oh, one last thing. Click on the actual ebay offering page, here. Notice the writing over Palin’s photo which says, “Free Shipping”. What the hell does that mean? Can you avoid the travel costs by somehow shipping yourself and associates via Fedex or something to Alaska? Or, in the alternative, can you have the Palin Bunch shipped to you free of charge? If you have any other explanation, please enlighten us in the comment section.

Today’s song parody pays homage to a wonderful Beatles song in honor of their entire catalog being re-mastered and re-released this week. Please click on the link below to not only familiarize yourselves with the tune but also to have more fun singing along to the parody.

Yesterday song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-n1Ro456nA&feature=related

YESTERDAY

(sung to the Beatles song “Yesterday”)

Yesterday, Sarah Palin seemed so far away
Now it looks as though she’s here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Suddenly,
Palin’s all over my TV screen
My God, she is such a drama queen
She whines and cries so stubbornly

She “goes with the flow”
“Like dead fish”, she’s on her way
She’s off to Hong Kong
Singing songs for her payday

Yesterday, Sarah auctioned herself on Ebay
I’d rather eat lunch with Tina Fey
She’s so much smarter anyway

She’s on Glenn Beck’s show
Plumber Joe’s the double-play
If things don’t go wrong
She’ll be on another day

Yesterday, Sarah Palin seemed so far away
Now I wish that they’d lock her away
Oh, I remember yesterday
Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm

Let’s Put Palin On The Orient Express

Palin pens instructions for Christian baptism on baby in Hong Kong

Palin pens instructions for, and demonstrates Christian baptism on baby in Hong Kong

The quitter, Sarah Palin is truly an example of the pot calling the kettle black. She spent most of last Fall critcizing Barack Obama for “palling around with terrorists” and yet now she finds herself “palling around with Communists.” What gives , you ask? Well, the group known as CLSA Investors’ Forum ( Credit Lyonnais Securities Asia), has announced that the erstwhile “pitbull with lipstick” will be a keynote speaker at its conference scheduled for September 23, 2009 in Hong Kong.

You might wonder, what on God’s green earth would prompt these people of Hong Kong to desire Sarah Palin as a speaker on the subject of, ready for this? Geopolitcs. Well, I am still trying to figure out why Jerry Lewis was so popular in France. Then again, have you ever watched any of those Asian game shows? Pretty strange, huh? Maybe it is just that type of love of strangeness that explains the attraction to Palin. I cannot think of any other reason.

Of course, the biggest question of all is, will she even show up for the event? As we all know, she has been a no show at four consecutive speaking engagements in which she has accepted an invitation. Consequently, we all look forward to the days just before September 23rd.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

On A Slow Boat To China song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oTyZAM4ROQQ

SLOW BOAT TO CHINA

(sung to the Kay Kyser version of the song “On A Slow Boat to China”)

She’ll put a curse on Hong Kong
But not before I lambaste her in this song
And say that…

I’d love to put her
On a slow boat to China
All by herself alone
I hope they lock her in a room without doors
The Palin lovers
Won’t have her ass to kiss no more
They’ll miss her tiny
Red leather skirted hiney
Sitting upon her throne
Honey, I’d love to put her
On a slow boat to China
And hope she can’t get home

(musical interlude)

Let’s all put Sarah
On a slow boat to China
Without her prized cell phone
A twist in the rudder and a rip in the sail
Crying and screaming
Maybe she’ll be beached like a whale
No suntan lotion
She might brew up a potion
Cuz she’s a witch-like crone
Let’s put dear Sarah on a slow boat to China
All by herself with nobody else
Yes, she’ll never get back home

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