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Michelle Malkin Sucks

michelle_malkin_Vampire

Michelle Malkin's High School Yearbook Photo

We are only one week removed from Halloween so it is still appropriate to remind our readers that ultra-conservative anchor-baby pundit Michelle Malkin is like a vampire that sucks all of the breathable oxygen out of any room in which she opens her mouth. The latest Malkin abomination is her November 6th hairpin triggered knee-jerk response to the Fort Hood massacre. Not even twenty-four hours had elapsed since the tragedy occurred and the facts surrounding the event were still murky at best and yet Malkin immediately launched into one of her anti-Muslim hate filled diatribes.

Her November 6th blog entry (which we refuse to link to) consists of a re-posting of a previous article of hers from 2003 after Sgt. Asan Akbar, a Muslim American soldier attacked and killed one soldier and left twelve others wounded. She also reminded her readers that Beltway sniper John Muhammad was Muslim and that he is scheduled to be executed next week. Additionally, she reported that Muslim U.S. soldier Hasan Abujihaad was convicted last year on espionage charges. Of course Malkin does not explain that none of these crimes or criminals have anything to do with the Fort Hood event. She simply fired up the anti-Muslim hate machine by listing a bunch of Muslim criminals.

It is this type of right wing hatred and fear of “the other” that the likes of Malkin, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and Michael Savage encourage on a daily basis. Their rhetoric is always negative and never positive. It always elicits fear and never promotes hope. It always searches for the lowest common denominator in people and never finds a shared human preference for good and peace. Unfortunately these grim reapers have an audience of right-wing extremists that wait anxiously for their next meal of hatred. Fortunately however, these despicable showmen and their bottom-feeding audiences are being exposed and marginalized on a daily basis. We must all continue to hold their feet to the fire and resist the temptation to be sucked into their hell of an existence.

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along to today’s song parody.

The Monster Mash song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeZftK2kO6U

THE MALKIN MASH

(sung to the Bobby “Boris” Pickett song “Monster Mash”)

She was mouthing off with gab late one night
Malkin’s strange visage, an eerie sight
My blood pressure and pulse both began to rise
What’s up with that weird lazy eye?

She’s talkin’ trash
She did the Malkin mash
The Malkin mash
I think she has a rash
She does the mash
She must be smokin’ hash
She does the mash
She did the Malkin mash

She was ruminating on Obama’s speech
When her logic and her brains went to the beach
We knew she was lying by her growing nose
Inside her skull, a mighty wind blows

She’s talkin’ trash
She did the Malkin mash
The Malkin mash
I think she has a rash
She does the mash
She must be smokin’ hash
She does the mash
She did the Malkin mash

Dear Malkin was having fun
Her air-time had just begun
It was quite apparent that
Michelle had come undone

The show was rockin’ with her babbling sounds
Michelle spewing sentences without nouns
There were blood-shot lines in her crazy ass eyes
One thing missing was the strait-jacket guys

She’s talkin’ trash
She did the Malkin mash
The Malkin mash
I think she has a rash
She does the mash
She must be smokin’ hash
She does the mash
She did the Malkin mash

Out from the closet came the Coulter thing
He was wearing his decoder ring
Waving it round because he was pissed
Have you ever seen so much hair on anybody’s fist?

She’s talkin’ trash
She did the Malkin mash
The Malkin mash
I think she has a rash
She does the mash
She must be smokin’ hash
She does the mash
She did the Malkin mash

Now everything’s cool, Coulter hid his big hand
And Malkin’s diatribe was critically panned
It was one giant laugh if it was viewed
Next time we see that jerk, she is sure to be booed.

She’s talkin’ trash
She did the Malkin mash
The Malkin mash
I think she has a rash
She does the mash
She must be smokin’ hash
She does the mash
She did the Malkin mash

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Sarah Palin Says, “Twick Or Tweet”

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We are not sure if it is more of a trick or a treat, but comedian Rush Limbaugh’s appearance yesterday on Fox News Sunday sure was tasty. Everyone needs a hearty belly laugh after enduring all of television’s horror movie broadcasts during Halloween week and Limbaugh and Faux News did not disappoint. Here are a few of his side-splitters.

Okay, swallow your beverage before reading this. Limbaugh believes that the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin is ready to be president. President of what, you might ask? Perhaps the Wasilla chapter of Mothers That Refer To Special Needs Children As Retards? Or maybe the Alaskan Council On I’ll Have To Get Back To Ya On That? No, Limbaugh believes that Palin is ready to be, wait…wait…wait…the President of the United States of America! This guy is hilarious. Somebody sign him up for a television sit-com or an HBO Special. Of Palin, he said:

I do have profound respect for Sarah Palin. There are not very many politicians who have been put through what she has been put through and [are] still able to smile and be ebullient and upbeat. This woman, I think, is pretty tough

Just wondering, but when was the last time that Miss Quittypants was ebullient and upbeat? Was it during her quitters speech when she told the press to “stop makin’ stuff up”? Or was it when she herself was “makin’ stuff up” about “death panels”? Perhaps Limbaugh was referring to her recent retort against her once and future son-in-law, Levi Johnston when she said, “Those who would sell their body for money reflect a desperate need for attention and are likely to say and do anything for even more attention.” Wow, Palin is even more ebullient and upbeat than Bob Dole.

Despite Limbaugh’s praise for Palin before the like-minded Fox audience, in reality Palin will never again be as close to occupying the Oval Office than she was when the nation’s voters overwhelmingly rejected her last candidacy with John McCain. Since that time, she has split the Republican Party along the conservative/moderate divide which not only hurts her chances but also those of every other Republican candidate in the near future. A vivid example of the Palin Effect can be seen in New York’s 23rd District Congressional race. The Republicans chose a candidate that was too moderate for Palin’s taste. Consequently, she loudly and quite publicly endorsed the Conservative Party candidate which caused a party split between those that are Palin minded and the more centrist Gingrich wing of the party. Ultimately, the Republican candidate withdrew from the race and endorsed the Democratic Party candidate. An absurd result and not a very positive one for Republicans.

Presently, only approximately 21% of the nation’s voters are registered Republicans and if that meager number is then split between hard-line conservatives and moderates, neither faction can be a viable political force. In retrospect, the Bush years and the Palin Effect were not kind to the Republican brand.

Today’s song parody was inspired by a comment left on our November 1st article by respected reader, Joie.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s parody.

Witchy Woman song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CrAKiRZ9niM

WITCHY WOMAN

(sung to the Eagles song “Witchy Woman”)

Beehive hair and ruby lips
Tweets fly from her fingertips
Echoed voices from the right
Palin took a beating on election night

Wooo hooo witchy woman, casting spells and lies
Wooo hooo bitchy woman, she’s just a goon in disguise

She has them spellbound on the right
Simple fellows that are white
They love the young ones while in the womb
But they will not spend a penny so their minds can bloom

Wooo hooo witchy woman, with those blinking eyes
Wooo hooo bitchy woman, Palin is not very wise

(musical interlude)

Well she quit her job as guvnor
And now nobody loves her
She’s been sleeping in the devil’s bed

And there’s some rumors going round
Sarah’s come unbound
She hears voices in the nighttime
From inside her head

Wooo hooo witchy woman, casting spells and lies
Wooo hooo bitchy woman, she’s so easy to despise

Sarah Palin Is A Witchy Woman

PalinWitch2

Official SarahPAC Halloween button.

Lynnrockets hopes that all of you had a wonderful Halloween. The traditions of this holiday, if you can call it that, have evolved and changed from its 2500 year old origin as a sacred Celtic combined New Year/Night of the Dead celebration to its present secular status as a time of costumed frivolity for all ages. Indeed, even in the United States, the way in which the tradition is celebrated has evolved in some parts of the country from the post- famine Irish immigrant tradition of costumed children scouring neighborhoods after dark in search of treats or, if disappointed in the treat or lack thereof, perpetrating minor malicious tricks upon the offending household, to the more modern style of holding a sort of all ages party at a neighborhood recreational center. Nevertheless, Halloween’s popularity has never been stronger and at least here in New England, the old tradition of door to door visits by spooks of all ilk holds strong and represents a time honored symbol of the passage of time from the summer season of light to the winter season of dark. For that, it is a wonderful annual reminder of the way things once were in a simpler time. Nostalgia can be both comforting and reassuring.

Okay, now let’s get to today’s anti-Palin song parody inspired by the theme song to the 1960’s television sit-com, Bewitched.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with this 1960’s Halloween inspired television theme song .

Theme to the 1960’s television show, Bewitched: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PIBfgOUGFg&feature=related

THE WITCH

(sung to the theme song of television’s “Bewitched”)

The witch, the witch
She must have come from Hell
The witch, the witch
Palin will cast a spell.
She must know just what she is doing
When she winks those eyes
Who will she next give a screwing
With her vicious lies?

The witch, the witch
One thing is so for sure
Sarah’s a bitch
And there isn’t a cure
She thought that she was “mavericky”
When Alaska she did ditch
She thought Facebook was her launching pad
But now we’re sure that she’s raving mad
And she’s a witch.

The Palin Family: They’re Creepy And Their Kooky !!!

palinAddams family

Just so you didn't think they were dressed for Halloween.

Please accept an apology for today’s late post, but Lynnrockets and crew had another smashing Halloween party last night. Photos may be posted a little later. Don’t know how many more of these we can take. Enough about us however, let’s get to the Palins!

There are a few timely news bites about Alaska’s version of the Munsters that should see the light of day. First, Britain’s The Guardian reports that Levi Johnston plans on taking the Palin’s to court in a custody battle so that he can see his son, Sarah Palin’s grandson. he says,

I’m up to the point where I can’t see my kid again, I’m done. I’m sure we’ll end up in court. We’re definitely going to court.

Wouldn’t you just love to see Sarah Palin subjected to deposition testimony under oath? What juicy tidbits would be divulged? keep your collective fingers crossed.

In other Miss Quittypants news, as expected, Sarah Palin has backed out of her speaking engagement in Iowa. The Iowa Family Policy Center has announced that Palin is too busy with her book tour to attend their event. We suspect that the real reason for her cancellation is the backlash unleashed by the disclosure of her requested speaking fee of $ 100,000.00. Once again, the Palin bunch has completely screwed up a potential public appearance. Someone should start keeping track of all of her scheduling snafus. any volunteers?

Please have a scary, fun and safe All Hallow’s Eve !!!

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along to this Halloween inspired song parody.

Theme song to the 1960’s television sit-com, The Addams Family: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVRX_5tGOlo

THE PALIN FAMILY

(sung to the theme of “The Addams Family”)

Their creepy and their brain-dead
Ingested way too much lead
Kids born before they were wed,
The Palin Family

Her dialect is grating
Her beehive irritating
Daughters always mating
The Palin Family

(Wink)
(Blink)
(Missing Link)

So put your muckluks on now
And join their nightly pow-wow
It’s certainly not highbrow
The Palin Family.

Sarah Palin: The Devil In Disguise

PalinDevil

Sarah Palin's official portrait at Alaska's Governors Mansion

Sarah Palin, the scheduling-challenged diva, has propelled herself into another speaking engagement controversy. This time it is with the conservative group known as The Iowa Family Policy Center. You may recall a few weeks ago when the Palin camp referred to this group as one of the future beneficiaries of the ex former-quitting governor’s speaking prowess. Well, as usual, not so fast. Once again a disagreement between the event organizers and the Palin crew has cast a dark shadow over the event such that Miss Quittypants may pull another no-show.

The Politico reports that, “The Iowa Family Policy Center’s effort to cobble together $100,000 for Palin would represent a striking departure from customary practice in the first-in-the-nation state, these Republicans say, noting that a generation of White House hopefuls has paid their own way to boost their party and presidential ambitions.” Other conservative groups are also unnerved at the prospect of paying a potential future candidate for something that should be considered a privilege. the Politico quotes the following:

“If somebody tells me they want me to pay an appearance fee, it tells me they’re not very serious about running for president,” said Ed Failor, Jr., president of Iowans for Tax Relief and an influential GOP insider.

Also, Steve Scheffler, the president of the Iowa Christian Alliance and a longtime GOP activist, said his organization would also never ante up. We certainly wouldn’t do it, even if we had the money,” Scheffler said, adding that he wanted to keep his group “impartial” in the caucus process and that paying money to one prospective candidate could raise questions about such neutrality.

The brouhaha appears to have caused some backtracking and/or revisionist history with both the sponsoring group and the Palin camp. It has been reported that at the request of the Iowa Family Policy Center, Team Sarah, a national pro-Palin organization not formally connected to the former governor, has begun raising money among its members in an effort to collect the $100,000. However, when an officer of The Iowa Family Policy Center was asked about the fee controversy, he said that he was, “not personally aware of a speaker’s fee” and “There may or may not be, I don’t know.”

Next, Palin spokeswoman, Meg Stapleton told Newsweek:

that Palin “has not requested anything” and that she “does not charge people to campaign for them.” According to Stapleton, Palin would instead cover such travel costs through her political-action committee, SarahPAC.

Not unexpectedly however, the Palin bunch then called the whole appearence into question by saying,

We don’t believe she will be able to attend with her tightly scheduled book tour, and the group has been told that through formal and informal channels.

What is with this bunch of clowns and their inability to do anything on the straight and narrow. It is a sure bet that anytime a Palin engagement is announced, there will be some sort of snafu that emerges which calls the event into question. Sarah Palin simply could not schedule a beauty parlor appointment without complications. She and her camp are scatterbrained dimwits of the first degree.

Some might say that she is a “little devil.”

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with this Halloween inspired song parody.

Devil In Her Heart song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeiuCcBx2zg

DEVIL IN HER HEART

(sung to the Beatles song “Devil In Her Heart”)

She’s got the devil in her heart
But the rednecks fantasize
That Palin is a sleazy tart
But her politics just chill me

Her smirking glances
Vocal dances
She’s an ignorant pig
She’s just so flirty
Politics dirty
She’s a wicked entity

She’s got the devil in her heart
And some tricks are up her sleeve
Palin’s a dime store work of art
A web of lies she will weave

I’ll bet she leaves that Alaskan winter snow
She’ll board a bus to be with Plumber Joe
Palin is quirky
Her future’s murky
Like the G.O.P.’s

She’s got the devil in her heart
I know, know, know Palin will deceive
Next she’ll be working at K-Mart
Cuz today she is naïve

Sarah’s stance is to raise finances
From her writing debut
She’s just as perky
As fresh killed turkey
As we witnessed on TV

She’s got the devil in her heart
I know, know, know  and I do believe
She fell right off the donkey cart
Sarah should be on sick leave

She’s got the devil in her heart
And she’s no angel we can see
She’s got the devil in her heart
No, she’s no angel we can see

Sarah Palin Is A Halloween Scream

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Sarah Palin after learning that she is less popular than Michele Bachmann

It now appears that there is hope for all attendees of five or six colleges before obtaining any kind of a degree and to those who have lost elections and then quit their jobs. All they need do is simply have their memoirs ghostwritten and then sold to Harper-Collins Publishing. That course of action should land them a $ 1.25 million advance as it did for Sarah Palin, the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska.

The book is titled, Going Rogue and will be released on November 17, 2009. Problem is, the tome is already being heavily discounted and is sure to be found in the discount bins of most book stores after the holidays. Will the publisher be looking to recapture some of that advance from Palin should book sales flop? Alternatively, will Palin write a quick supplemental chapter to counter the most recent accusations of her former future son-in-law, Levi Johnston on this morning’s edition of CBS Early Show? Such as:

There are some things that I have that are huge. And I haven’t said them because I’m not gonna hurt her that way … I have things that can, you know — that would get her in trouble, and could hurt her. Will hurt her. But I’m not gonna go that far. You know, I mean, if I really wanted to hurt her, I could, very easily. But there’s — I’m not gonna do it. I’m not going that far.

Johnston also expanded upon his earlier contention in a Vanity Fair interview that Palin would refer to her Down syndrome child as “retarded.”

I was just in shock for the first time I heard it, and then she’d say it regularly. And I think she was joking, but it doesn’t make it right.

That does not reflect kindly upon Palin who very frequently in public appearances would use her son Trig as an example for kinder and more understanding treatment of children with special needs. It also calls into question her perhaps feigned, if not misguided, outraged reaction to a Photo-shopped illustration of her cradling a baby with the face of a conservative Alaskan radio personality on the basis that it was insulting to special needs children. Also regarding son Trig, Johnston said that Palin’s daughter Bristol performed most of the mothering.

Johnston did not however, unleash any bombshells about Palin, although he did let it be known that he still has plenty of ammunition.

Those are just little … things I put in Vanity Fair. You know, all the big things I got, I’m keeping — you know, i’m keeping them in, and — you know, it’s just something that probably will never come out.

Will it never come out? Perhaps Johnston is just holding back the big stuff for either future leverage against his once and future mother-in-law or as an enticement for some hush-up money. The plot thickens. The second segment of the Early Show interview will air tomorrow.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along to this Halloween inspired parody.

Rich Girl song link: http://www.last.fm/music/Hall%2B%2526%2BOates/_/Rich+Girl

WITCH GIRL III

(sung to the Hall & Oates song “Rich Girl”)

You’re a witch girl, up in A-las-ka
And it’s getting worse for you every day
You can perform like a Playboy Bunny
You can perform like a Playboy Bunny
You’re a stitch girl? Cuz you’re quite bizzare
So we really wish you would go away
Pray, Honey that we don’t send you too far
Send you too far

And don’t you know, don’t you know
That it’s wrong to preach politics of hate
You’re so far gone, so far gone
Lil’ Miss Caribou you belong in a zoo
Todd should be in there too

‘Cause

You’re a witch girl and you’re no big star
And mascara won’t help you hide your age
You can go on wearing rimless glasses
You can go on wearing rimless glasses
There’s a hitch girl, you’re a has-been now
And the voters have all left and turned the page
The pitbull is a pig with lipstick now
Now say “Bow Wow”

Not too bright, a bit insane
It’s so sleazy, to damn others just because they complain
Those little fools and their ethics rules
They just get in your way and impede your payday
They will rue the day, oh…

You’re a witch girl, and you’ve gone too far
But that defense fund should help to pay your way
You can rely on that SarahPAC money
You can rely on that SarahPAC money
You’ll be a rich girl with a brand new car
And then you’ll move your family far away
Save money but it won’t get you too far
Save money but it won’t get you too far
Save money but it won’t get you too far
Get you too far

And you say

You can rely on the SarahPAC money
You can rely on the SarahPAC money
You’re a rich girl, a witch girl
Oh, you’re a rich bitch girl yeah
Say money but it won’t get you too far
Oh, get ya too far