Blog Archives

Michele Bachmann To Join The Republican Candidates’ Insane Clown Posse

Has there ever been a better example of addition through subtraction? Think about this for a moment. In just the last few weeks a bunch of potential Republican presidential candidates have chickened-out at the thought of opposing President Barack Obama in the 2012 election. Haley “Boss Hog” Barbour, Mike Huckabee(Hound) and Donald “Birther” Trump realized that they had no chance of beating the incumbent and so they wisely ran away with their tails between their legs.

In their absence however, arose wacky Michele Bachmann. The Teapublican Rep. from Minnesota brings more crazy to the table than all three of the aforementioned quitters combined. Luckily for those of us in the audience, it appears more likely that she will run for the presidency. CBS News reports that Michele Bachmann’s insiders say they expect her to get into the presidential race in June–and that Mike Huckabee’s decision not to run created a significant opening for her.

“Michele has been receiving an outpouring of encouragement to run for president–increased phone calls and online messaging,” said a senior adviser. “I can now say it is very likely she will decide to run for president.”

If you have not yet been convinced that Michele Bachmann is kookoo for cocoa puffs, just take a look at some of her more memorable quotes as compiled by The Huffington Post:

  • And what a bizarre time we’re in, when a judge will say to little children that you can’t say the pledge of allegiance, but you must learn that homosexuality is normal and you should try it.”
  • “I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out: Are they pro-America or anti-America?”
  • “There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design.”
  • “I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat president Jimmy Carter. And I’m not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it’s an interesting coincidence.”
  • [Gay marriage] is probably the biggest issue that will impact our state and our nation in the last, at least, thirty years. I am not understating that.”
  • “Normalization [of gayness] through desensitization. Very effective way to do this with a bunch of second graders is take a picture of ‘The Lion King’ for instance, and a teacher might say, ‘Do you know that the music for this movie was written by a gay man?’ The message is: ‘I’m better at what I do, because I’m gay.'”
  • “But we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States.”
  • “It is a brand new, billion-dollar high speed train that is going to go from Disneyland up to Las Vegas…Harry Reid, the Senator from Nevada, was behind this measure, and it makes us wonder, is he more interested in making sure kids start gambling at younger ages?”
  • “The President of the United States will be taking a trip over to India that is expected to cost the taxpayers $200 million a day.”

What in the wide, wide world of nonsense is this crackpot talking about? Michele Bachmann could no doubt give Sarah Palin a run for her money in an insanity contest. Her decision to take-on President Obama when more serious contenders have elected to stand on the sidelines is pure folly. You see, the dropouts are smarter than Bachmann. Bill Press of TheHill.com put it best when he said,

“They know the economy’s coming back, under Obamanomics.

They know millions and millions of Americans, who could never afford it before, now have health insurance, under ObamaCare.

They know Obama created 1.3 million new jobs in 2010 alone — more than George W. Bush created in eight years. And that April 2011 was the third straight month where new job growth exceeded 200,000.

And they know gas prices are coming down.

In other words, they know that, for any Republican, running against Barack Obama is a losing proposition. And they wanted no part of it.”

In other words, those dropouts already know what Michele Bachmann will soon learn.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Flintstones television theme song link: http://www.televisiontunes.com/Flintstones.html

BACHMANN

(sung to the television theme song “The Flinstones”)

Bachmann. Michele Bachman
A Congresswoman that is bat crazy
She and Sarah Palin
Driving voters from the G.O.P.

She can’t form a sentence that’s complete
Now she’s targeted for big defeat

When you’re Michele Bachmann
You’re just living off the state dime
Endorsing hate crimes
Exposed during prime time

Bachmann. Michele Bachman
Hates Blacks, children and those that are gay
She is clearly brain dead
Can’t seem to get out of her own way

She talks right through the rain, snow and sleet
Every single thought is incomplete

When you’re Michele Bachmann
You’re just living off the state dime
Endorsing hate crimes
Exposed during prime time

Exposed during prime time

Will Voters Tell The Donald, “You’re Fired”?

Trump Is A Gas-Bag

Each passing day Donald Trump appears to be inching closer to announcing that he will run as a Republican candidate in 2012 for the office of President of the United States. It only makes sense inasmuch as the potential field of GOP candidates is already chock-full of certified lunatics like Sarah “Queen of Quit” Palin, Michele “Light-Bulb Loving” Bachmann, Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum, Haley “Boss Hog” Barbour, Newt “Resign in Disgrace” Gingrich and Rudy “A Noun, A Verb and 9/11” Giuliani. Adding Donald Trump to the mix is akin to stuffing an extra clown in the Volkswagen Beetle at the circus. Entertaining, yet harmless fun for the viewing audience.

Earlier this week The Donald announced that he will be headed to Iowa in June. While there, he will headline the state Republican Party’s annual Lincoln Dinner in Des Moines. Iowa of course, plays an important role in the presidential election because its caucuses are the first in the nation. Trump has also declared that he will speak in New Hampshire in June. That state is also considered to be critically important to any presidential candidate because it holds the nation’s first primary election. It should also be noted that Trump spoke at February’s CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference) which is a “who’s who” of potential GOP presidential candidates. Trump maintains that he will formally announce his presidential intentions in June.

Donald Trump is a perfect fit for the Republican nomination because he shares so many traits with other Republican politicians. The thrice married “family values” Trump is a serial philanderer like Rudy Giuliani and Newt Gingrich. He is a reality television series host like Sarah Palin. The former enthusiastic proponent of universal health care has now flip-flopped on the issue just like Mitt “Personal Mandates are Good” Romney. Trump is also a “Birther” like Michele Bachmann, who doubts that President Barack Obama was born in the United States. When you consider that The Donald has also filed for bankruptcy on at least 4 occasions, it begs the question, “who would be more suited to lead our nation out of the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression?”

So, buy a box of popcorn and a horn of cotton candy, take your seat and enjoy this election cycle’s version of the Republican Bros. Flying Circus.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody. Enjoy!

Big Bad John song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWKGhwwVgKY

BIG DUMB DON

(sung to the Johnny Cash song “Big Bad John”)

Dumb Don
Dumb Don

Every Tuesday at nine, you will see him arrive
He stands 6 foot 5, weighs 289
A reality show host who’s not very hip
He fires contestants if they should give him any lip, he’s Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don

He wears a toupee atop his big dome
Donald Trump acts like a clown, still he seeks the throne
A dim-witted putz, he’s not a bright guy
Claims he robbed Quadafi but that’s a lie – Dumb Don
The nit-wit hails from the borough called Queens
And he has managed to file too many bankruptcies
Filed so many you can’t count them on one hand
Yet Trump still thinks he’ll lead the country to the promised land – Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don

Head made of clay and he loses every dime
He owned a football team that lost all the time
Built a casino, it did not last
Then the taxpayers bailed out his sorry ass – Dumb Don
Through the dust and the smoke as his empire fell
Crawled this maggot of a man that will soon rot in hell
Called a willing banker and he begged for a loan
But when asked for collateral he said “it’s all been blown” – Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don

And now Donald Trump thinks that the Lord up above
Will stroke his election dreams with a velvet glove
Yet little does he know that he can’t be saved
Donald’s campaign is headed to the grave – Dumb Don
Don Trump won’t earn his seat in DC Town
Let’s all watch his big smile turn to a frown
And as The Donald learns life is unkind
All of us just knew it was the end of the line, for Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don

Let’s hope that we are done with this worthless twit
Even Tea-Baggers know Trump’s an idiot
If only the future could be planned
We would love to say, “You’re Fired!” to this shell of a man – Dumb Don

Dumb Don
Dumb Don
Big Dumb Don
Dumb Don

Sarah Palin: Wiil She Or Won’t She?

The ever unpredictable Sarah Palin is keeping the pundits guessing again. This time the question is: “Will she or won’t she run for President?” Last night she refused to even give her Fox News co-conspirator Bill O’Reilly the inside scoop. While appearing on “The O’Reilly Factor”, she only said that her decision as to whether she will run is still “months away”. Over at MSNBC however, host Lawrence O’Donnell has already declared that Palin will not run. He said that she is too beholden to her million dollar salary at Fox to give it up for a certain doomed presidential run. As you can see, the pundits’ opinions as to whether the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska are like sphincters. You know, everybody has one!

Nevertheless, we were treated to a couple of more in-depth and/or unique takes on Sarah Palin this week. The first was in a Boston Globe editorial by Scott Lehigh on Friday, titled “2012: Yes, Maybe and Unelectable”. Lehigh’s contention is that if “you start with the assumption that a candidate must have a plausible path to both the nomination and the presidency, the prospects of the might-be candidates fall into three categories: Believable, conceivable, and unachievable.” He places Sarah Palin in the category of “unachievable”.  Lehigh succinctly states that she was ,

“So far over her head in 2008 that some of John McCain’s own advisers fretted at the prospect of having her a septuagenarian heartbeat away from the presidency, Palin has hardly allayed doubts about herself since. If the GOP really wants a lighter-than-air disaster, why not just nominate the Hindenburg?”

By the way, Lehigh also places Newt Gingrich, Haley Barbour , Rick Santorum, Ron Paul and moonbat-crazy Michele Bachmann in the unachievable categaory. As for his insightful take on the rest of the GOP contenders and pretenders, please read his great editorial here.

Slate.com is also offering an innovative prognostication tool known as the “Palin Meter”. This device measures the percentage probability that Sarah Palin will run for the Presidency on a daily basis. For instance, as of March 3rd, Slate states that there is a 45% chance that she will run and that is 6% lower than the previous day. Slate describes the drop as resulting from Fox News‘ failure to suspend Palin as they did Gingrich and Santorum (who the network believes will both be running). Additionally, they predict that all of Palin’s recent poor polling may dissuade her. On the up-side however, Slate references Palin’s recent rash of tweeting and the fact that Dana Millbank’s “Palin-Free Month” has now ended. The website states, “Palin obviously wouldn’t have wanted to drop any big news without him along for the ride.”

Although we must all continue to speculate on a Palin candidacy, one thing is certain. Progressive bloggers everywhere are praying that Sarah Palin runs for President. The laughs will be off the charts if she is involved in any primary debates.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Born To Run song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oL0YSYz4eo

BORN TO RUN

(sung to the Bruce Springsteen song “Born To Run”)

In the day she sweats it out on the streets, she’s a runner-up beauty pageant queen
At night she tears her hair out in worry atop Todd’s snow-machine
Hate filled rages at the five and dime
High heeled, misdirected and sporting a sixties beehive, Whoa
Wasilla town hopes she never comes back
She’s a dumb quack, a political hack
Sarah speaketh with a forked tongue
But tramps like her, baby they were born to run
(yes she will run)

Sarah’s got thin skin but she’ll run again
She can’t find work on television
SarahPAC will cater to her whims
Their dedicated to her mission
Together they will dish out crap
She’ll run till she drops, maybe from a heart attack, Whoa
All her friends, she’ll continue to hire
‘cause baby she wants to be the next “Decider”
But her wagon has lost all its wheels
She behaves like a little child girl, a pitbull refusing to heel
(full of baloney)

(Twitter break)

She’s filled with malice right down to the bones buried in her backyard
She casts no reflection in brand new mirrors
Like a vampire caught off guard
Her unfeeling heart, rises cold and dark
A dominatrix with an iron fist
She’s gonna try to befriend thee in the deep dark night
With a wink and a blown kiss, Huhh

(Facebook break)

(one two three four…)

She’s got a bunch of Fox News zeroes that fuel her hopes and drive
Sarah Palin likes you if you are white and have no use for gay pride
Every Wednesday she will give an address
That will reveal all the madness in her soul, Whoa
Someday girl, we don’t know when, you’ll learn that you’re a disgrace
Something we already know, her career will be done
But till then just like puss, Sarah will return to run

Oh, Sarah just like puss, baby we hope that you run

Please believe me, all of us baby, sure hope that you will run

Sunday Mid-Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 50

Just a few newsworthy events (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful Labor Day Weekend, but be careful of those eggs!

BREAKING NEWS: Minnesota Governor Tim (Good ‘n) Pawlenty is in hot water with his own contituants. According to the new survey from Minnesota Public Radio and the Humphrey Institute, 54 percent of Minnesotans aren’t too keen on the governor’s frequent out of state trips, which usually include visits to important presidential nominating states. Only 31 percent of voters approve of his busy travel schedule. In even worse news for Pawlenty, the poll indicates Minnesota Republicans apparently would prefer Mitt Romney as their presidential choice than their own governor. Stacked up against Romney, Pawlently loses 45-32 percent. In a matchup against Sarah Palin, Pawlenty comes out on top 59-24 percent. Bad news for Pawlenty, but does Palin ever, ever, ever come out on top in any poll?

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Republicans Making Unexpected Comparisons” features Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour. When asked last week if his southern accent might be a hindrance to a candidate running a national race dependent on support from the northeast and coasts, Barbour cited the examples of former Presidents Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton. Wait a minute! Did a Republican just make a positive reference and self comparison to Jimmy Carter? This is the end of the world as we know it.

BREAKING NEWS: New Orleans Mayor Mitch Landrieu weighed in on the contentious race for Senate in Nevada on Wednesday, criticizing Republican candidate Sharron Angle for saying in 2005 that she would have voted against funding for Katrina relief efforts. Landrieu said Angle “is simply too extreme and dangerous to serve in the United States Senate.” Truer words were never spoken.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “I Couldn’t Have Said It Better Myself” features former British Prime Minister Tony Blair who wrote in his recently released memoirs, that he hails former President George W. Bush’s “immense Simplicity”. “Nuff said.

BREAKING NEWS: Speaking of Sarah Palin and recent polls, Politico.com reports,

Even after watching her preferred candidate surprisingly triumph in Alaska’s Senate race, Sarah Palin’s home state is no sure thing for the former governor as she trails former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney in a hypothetical 2012 matchup, according to a new poll. Only 17 percent of the 805 Alaska Republicans surveyed by Public Policy Polling said they would back Palin in a 2012 GOP primary, the same percentage who voiced support for former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee. Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt(wit) Romney led the field, garnering 20 percent.

“Fortunately for Sarah Palin, Alaska decides few convention delegates, and coming more than a month after Super Tuesday, she may not survive the race to be embarrassed on her home turf,” said Dean Debnam, president of Public Policy Polling.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Queen of the Guillotine” features Arizona Governor, Jan Brewer. You might remember last June when her state’s racial profiling immigration law was all the rage, Brewer defended it by alleging that there had been beheadings in the Arizona desert as a result of rampant illegal immigration. Problem is, she lied. Medical examiners from six of Arizona’s counties, several of which boarder Mexico, later told the Arizona Guardian that they had never witnessed victims who had been beheaded. For four months Brewer has been asked to provide evidence of beheadings in her state yet she did not comply. Finally, she took back her words and provided something like an apology to the Associated Press. She said, “That was an error, if I said that.” No, Ms. Brewer it was an error when (not “if”) you said it. In fact why don’t you just come clean and say that it was a premeditated lie when you said it?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody which features the whole bunch of conservatives.

California Dreamin’ song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xN9r0bWe78

CONSERVATIVE DREAMIN’

(sung to the Mamas & The Papas song “California Dreamin’”)

All their shirts are brown
(All their shirts are brown)
And their hair is grey
(And their hair is grey)
Listen to them talk
(Listen to them talk)
As they loudly pray
(As they loudly pray)
Scandal is their norm
(Scandal is their norm)
They have one every day
(They have one every day)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
And politics of hate

Members of John Birch
Some won’t admit they’re gay
But when they get down on their knees
(Get down on their knees)
That’s when they like to play
(When they like to play)
These slimy creatures should be told
(Creatures should be told)
Membership’s gone away
(Members gone away)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has led them all astray

(musical interlude)

Glenn Beck is a clown
(Glenn Beck is a clown)
What does Limbaugh weigh?
(What does Limbaugh weigh?)
Palin cannot talk
(Palin cannot talk)
She’s no Tina Fey
(She’s no Tina Fey)
Somebody should tell her
(Somebody should tell her)
To just go away
(To just go away)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has become so cliché
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has lost all its cache´
(Conservative dreamin’)
Drives voters all away