Blog Archives

Brain Fartin’ Joe Barton and the BPublicans (UPDATE)

Republican Joe Barton, BP's BFF.

As Sarah Palin once said, “Say it ain’t so, Joe”. What’s up with Texas’ Republican Congressman Joe Barton and his unabashed defense of oil industry kingpin BP? The day after President Obama successfully negotiated the creation of a $ 20 Billion escrow fund (paid by BP) to reimburse the losses of those adversely affected by BP’s gulf oil rig spill, Barton disgracefully shunned his own President and his countrymen and sided with the foreign corporate giant. Rather than congratulate the Commander in Chief for safeguarding the economic welfare of the victims of BP’s willful negligence, the Republican had this to say:

I am ashamed of what happened at the White House yesterday. I think it is a tragedy of the first proportion that a private corporation would be subjected to what I would characterize as a shakedown – in this case a $20 billion dollar shakedown. I do not want to live in a country where any time a citizen or a corporation does something that is legitimately wrong, (they are) subject to some sort of political pressure that … amounts to a shakedown. So I apologize.

The White House was quick to react to Barton’s “apology” to BP. Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said,

What is shameful is that Joe Barton seems to have more concern for big corporations that caused this disaster than the fishermen, small business owners and communities whose lives have been devastated by the destruction. Congressman Barton may think that a fund to compensate these Americans is a ‘tragedy’, but most Americans know that the real tragedy is what the men and women of the Gulf Coast are going through right now. Members from both parties should repudiate his comments.

Public opinion was obviously on the side of the White House, so even the G.O.P. leadership was forced to side with the President. Barton was “shaken down” by his superiors and presented with an ultimatum, either publicly apologize or lose his position as the senior Republican on the House Energy and Commerce Committee. Consequently, despite the fact that Barton’s major campaign contributors all hail from the oil industry, he was forced to provide an apology in a written statement. He wrote:

I apologize for using the term ‘shakedown’ with regard to yesterday’s actions at the White House in my opening statement this morning, and I retract my apology to BP. As I told my colleagues yesterday and said again this morning, BP should bear the full financial responsibility for the accident on their lease in the Gulf of Mexico. BP should fully compensate those families and businesses that have been hurt by this accident. BP and the federal government need to stop the leak, clean up the damage, and take whatever steps necessary to prevent a similar accident in the future.

I regret the impact that my statement this morning implied that BP should not pay for the consequences of their decisions and actions in this incident.

What-up with that? Was Barton drunk when he first defended BP? If he truly believes that “BP should bear the full financial responsibility for the accident on their lease in the Gulf of Mexico. BP should fully compensate those families and businesses that have been hurt by this accident. BP and the federal government need to stop the leak, clean up the damage, and take whatever steps necessary to prevent a similar accident in the future”, then why did he call it a “shakedown” in the first place and imply that BP should not held accountable? Was Barton lying then or is he lying now?

We would also like to know if and when the Republican leadership will put the smackdown on other G.O.P. members that have characterized the escrow fund in a fashion similar to Barton’s original statement. For instance, while speaking at the Heritage Foundation, Rep. Michele Bachmann called the escrow fund “extortion.” And Rep. Tom Price said in a statement that President Obama has “no legal authority” to force BP to set aside a damage fund.

Let’s just hope the Democrats are able to remind the American people come the November elections, that the G.O.P. cares more for destructive foreign corporations than they do for their own countrymen.

UPDATE

The DNC (God bless their little hearts) has just circulated an ad which attacks “Say it ain’t so” Joe Barton and the BPublicans. Here it is…

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

God Bless The U.S.A. song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-9_fDEsv-Q

PROUD TO BE A REPUBLICAN

(sung to the Lee Greenwood song “God Bless The U.S.A.”)

If tomorrow all my brains were gone
And I was just plant life
With a feeding tube shoved in
Against the wishes of my wife
I’d thank my lucky stars the G.O.P. had their way
And curtailed my family’s freedom
Made them watch me waste away

Boy, I’m proud to be a Republican
Like Huckabee and Romney
And I won’t forget Glenn Beck who cried
Right there on Fox TV
Cuz they’ll gladly stand up next to you
And berate your union pay
I just love those hate filled flames they fan
They hate the U.S.A.

Bachmann hates in Minnesota
Alaska has Sarah P.
Rick Perry down in Texas
They’re in the Tea Party
Not Detroit nor in Boston
Too liberal, black and gay
There’s no soul in any Republican heart
And they love it just that way

Yes, I’m proud to be a Republican
Just like Rush and Hannity
And I love the facts they do deny
Right there on Fox TV
And I’ll gladly stand up next to you
And castigate Tina Fey
Cuz I never doubt those Red State men
No matter what they say

Oh, I’m proud to be a Republican
As I sit here sipping tea
Palin’s “death panels” can’t be denied
They say on Fox TV
Sarah sends a Twitter –  text to you
Six or seven times a day
It’s Republicans that love this land
In our per-ver-ted way!

Advertisements

“Diaper” Dave Vitter And His BP “BM”

Oh boy, do we love it when Republicans make it this easy. You are all familiar with Louisiana Senator David Vitter aren’t you? What’s that, you’re not? Well then, pull up a chair and we will tell you a little story.

Once upon a time there was a Republican Senator from Louisiana named David Vitter. He was a staunch “family values” conservative that previously served in the House of Representatives after having replaced Robert Livingston after Livingston resigned as the result of an adultery scandal. At the time, Vitter said,

It’s obviously a tremendous loss for the state. I think Livingston’s stepping down makes a very powerful argument that Clinton should resign as well and move beyond this mess”, referring to Bill Clinton’s Monica Lewinsky scandal.

Problem is, it was later revealed that Vitter, a married man with children, had been conducting a lengthy affair with a New Orleans prostitute. When initially confronted with the accusation, Vitter said that the allegation was, ” absolutely and completely untrue.” However, in July 2007 his phone number appeared in the records of the infamous “DC Madam.” Consequently, Vitter finally fessed up and said

This was a very serious sin in my past for which I am, of course, completely responsible. Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife in confession and marriage counseling. Out of respect for my family, I will keep my discussion of the matter there — with God and them. But I certainly offer my deep and sincere apologies to all I have disappointed and let down in any way.

To add insult to injury, it was later revealed by one of his call girls that Vitter liked to be dressed in diapers during his sessions. (See diaper story here). In typical hypocritical Republican “Family Values” fashion however, Vitter failed to resign his seat after having called upon President Clinton to do so.

To make matters worse, the Republican Party leadership did not call for Vitter’s resignation either (even though they did so  with Senator Larry Craig after the light shined on his sexual indiscretions). You see, the Republican party does not really care about its members’ morality or “family values” it only cares about winning elections and holding onto seats. This became evident after the Craig affair when, after his attempted homosexual bathroom tryst, the Senator was called upon to resign by party leadership. Because Craig was a senator from a state with a Republican governor however, his seat would most likely be filled with another Republican appointed by said governor until a special election. In the case of Vitter however, there was no call from party leadership for his resignation. The Vitter case was different in their eyes because Vitter’s State of Louisiana had a Democratic Party governor. Consequently, upon Vitter’s resignation, the seat would likely be filled by a Democratic party appointee until the special election. In the eyes of the Republican Party, holding on to an elected office trumps any concern over immorality of party members.

Well, here is the newest from David Vitter. For the last number of years he has been firmly in the Sarah Palin “Drill Baby, Drill” camp. This was a safe position for a Republican from Louisiana because he was indebted to the big oil companies that contributed so mightily to his campaign coffers in an effort to increase drilling off of the Louisiana coast. But then the Deepwater Horizon oil spill disaster occurred and Vitter found himself in some murky petroleum polluted water. You see, he is in a fiercely contested Senate race in which he is opposed by a Democrat who hopes to capitalize on the conservative backlash against “Diaper” Dave for his extra-marital endeavors.

In an effort to appease both sides of the deep water oil drilling debate, Vitter immediately opposed President Obama’s moratorium on further drilling until safety measures can be assured. However, when public opinion turned against Vitter for his continued support of Big Oil, Vitter realized he was in trouble and abruptly changed course, sort of. Vitter wanted to appear tough on Big Oil (but not so tough that he might jeopardize his most favored status in the industry) so he filed a bill which would remove any liability cap on BP for this particular oil spill. He hoped to appear tough on one particular company for one particular disaster, but he did not want to expose other companies (or BP) to unlimited liability for future disasters that they may cause. Vitter’s bill pales in comparison to the Democrats’ bill which would permanently remove all liability caps for all oil companies. Let’s hope the Louisiana voters see through Vitter’s masquerade this November.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Getting Better song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jk0dBZ1meio

DAVID VITTER

(sung to the Beatles song “Getting Better”)

It’s David Vitter all the time
That David Vitter is a fool (only half a brain)
His hookers tell him that he’s cool (as they drain the vein)
Just like Scottie Brown (oh,oh)
Trousers are down (oh, oh)
Vitter just stutters and drools (Oooh)

You’ve got to admit that David Vitter (Vitter)
Wears baby diapers all the time (it can’t get no worse)
You’ve got to admit that David Vitter (Vitter)
That David Vitter
Just loves vice crimes

A useless and angry young man
Dave’s now universally panned
Let’s give him the bird, that obnoxious turd
Let’s give it to him with both hands

You’ve got to admit that David Vitter (Vitter)
Wears baby diapers all the time (it can’t get no worse)
You’ve got to admit that David Vitter (Vitter)
That David Vitter
Just loves vice crimes

We know David Vitter crawls in slime

Wears baby diapers all the time
Vitter, Vitter, Vitter
He leads a secret life of crime
Vitter, Vitter, Vitter

Dave loves to be cruel to his woman
He cheats and he spends all his time with the hookers he loves
Vitter is mean and he’s oh so obscene
Just like all those Republican men (ooh)

Just admit it David Vitter
You’re an offender all the time (you can’t get no worse)
Please just admit it David Vitter, your baby sitter
She dropped a dime

We know David Vitter crawls in slime

Wears baby diapers all the time
Vitter, Vitter, Vitter
He leads a secret life of crime
Vitter, Vitter, Vitter

We know David Vitter crawls in slime

Would You Like A Little Oil In Your Tea?

Feel a little stupid now?

How about you folks?

We know you do

Has anyone noticed how little we seem to hear from those pesky Tea-Baggers since the Gulf oil rig disaster. Remember those crazies running around with their tri-cornered hats and “Don’t Tread On Me” flags while railing against an activist government? Remember when Tea-Baggers were all the rage as they vowed to “take back the government” in the upcoming elections? Well, a funny thing happened on the way to their coronation. The BP oil spill actually illustrated the need for an activist government.

This recent environmental disaster caused by private BP (does that stand for “Biblical Proportions”?) has put the Tea-Baggers in that uncomfortable position of being between a rock and a hard place. It has become absolutely clear that a lack of strict governmental regulation (which the Tea Party advocates) of deep water oil drilling allowed a private industry to take safety shortcuts which ultimately caused the oil spill that is now devastating the Gulf Coast states. In other words, in this instance the stated objective of the Tea Party has proved to be detrimental to the health (both personal and economic) and safety of American citizens.

For the past two years Tea Party activists have been vehemently criticizing the Democrats’ and the Obama administration’s penchant for what they consider to be over-regulation of the private sector. Despite an unsustainable health care system, they opposed any federal remedy. Despite the worst economic recession since the Great Depression, they opposed the federal stimulus package aimed at jump-starting the economy and getting people back to work. And most vividly of all, they opposed regulation of the oil industry based upon environmental concerns by means of celebrating Sarah Palin’s mantra of “Drill Baby, Drill!”.

Since the oil spill occurred some of the newly crowned leaders of the Tea Party movement have made some ridiculous statements in an attempt to address the situation. For instance, Kentucky Senate nominee Rand Paul refuses to blame BP for the disaster. He simply refers to it as “an accident”. Paul has also called President Obama “un-American” for his efforts to hold the British owned oil company accountable for its negligence. Nevada Senate nominee Sharron Angle has actually called for the abolition of the Environmental Protection Agency. Wildest of all, Sarah Palin, the ex-quitting half-term governor of Alaska, has blamed the environmentalists for the oil spill and has blamed the slow remedy and clean-up on Obama because she claims he is in the pockets of the oil industry.

The Tea Party’s non-regulation message and moonbat crazy pronouncements however, are no longer resonating with the American people. As the Boston Globe pointed out on Thursday, “According to a CBS News poll, a majority of Americans now oppose offshore drilling, and nearly two-thirds say Obama should be doing more to stop the spill. This desire for more aggressive government action is the antithesis of the Tea Party ethos.” Additionally, the Boston Globe revealed that a Washington Post/ABC News poll this week revealed that half of Americans hold an “unfavorable impression’’ of the Tea Party, up from 39 percent in March.

Turn out the lights Glenn Beck, the party’s over.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Garden Party song link:  http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x89fev_ricky-nelson-garden-party_music

TEA BAG PARTY

(sung to the Ricky Nelson song “Garden Party”)

I went to a Tea Bag party hoping to make some brand new friends
But they became my enemies, those right wing racist men
When I got to the Tea Bag party, they all looked the same
That really surprised me, and no one had a brain

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

Crazies there from miles around, mostly with white hair
Locals brought their shotguns, there was hatred in the air
‘n’ over in the corner, not to my surprise
Sarah Palin sportin’ F-me pumps while just winking her eyes

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so they can go to hell

Lot-in-dah-dah-dah, lot-in-dah-dah-dah

Told them they were so wrong, Glenn Beck is insane
Drill Baby, Drill’s stupid,  and Palin is to blame
I said Rand Paul is crazy too, best not drink his tea
Then I told them things about Michele Bachmann they would not believe

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so they can go to hell

Lot-dah-dah-dah (lot-dah-dah-dah)
Lot-in-dah-dah-dah

Someone opened up a closet door and donned a white pointy hood
Punching his railroad ticket to Hell and just the way he should
If you’re goin’ to a Tea Bag party, I wish you a lotta luck
Bring a misspelled sign, use racist slang and drive a pick-up truck

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

Lot-dah-dah-dah (lot-dah-dah-dah)
Lot-in-dah-dah-dah

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

Sarah Palin Says, “Call Me”

"Operator, please connect me with reality. It's urgent!"

Sarah Palin is blowing her own horn once again. The on again, off again part time Fox News guest host and reality television show host feels she should be consulted about the Gulf oil rig disaster. You heard that correctly, the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska believes that the President of the United States should telephone her for advise.

Yesterday, she utilized the sophomoric medium of FaceBook to criticize the Commander in Chief and to offer him her assistance. She appears to be outraged at the fact that Obama has not spoken directly to BP CEO, Tony Hayward. Obama told NBC Tuesday that he has not spoken with Hayward because “when you talk to a guy like a BP CEO, he’s gonna say all the right things to me – I’m not interested in words, I’m interested in actions.” Palin’s FaceBook response?

further proof that it bodes well to have some sort of executive experience before occupying the Oval Office,

Palin then claimed that Obama should call experts that lived through the 1989 Exxon Valdez spill in Alaska, including herself. She said,

We’ve all lived and worked through the Exxon-Valdez spill. They can help you. Give them a call. Or, what the heck, give me a call. Based on my experience working with oil execs as an oil regulator and then as a Governor, you must verify what the oil companies claim – because their perception of circumstances and situations dealing with public resources and public trust is not necessarily shared by those who own America’s public resources and trust.

To a certain degree Palin is correct, “you must verify what the oil companies claim – because their perception of circumstances and situations dealing with public resources and public trust is not necessarily shared by those who own America’s public resources and trust.”, and that is precisely why the President does not feel the need to listen to Hayward’s “perception of circumstances”. Apparently, Palin is also unaware that experts from across the globe (including a few from Alaska) are being consulted by the Obama Administration on a daily basis. It is easy to understand how Palin would be ignorant of this fact in that she only watches Fox News and therefore only receives a limited amount of factual information mixed in with talk of Communists, Fascists and Nazis. Perhaps she does not understand that the President is not interested in the opinion of a half term governor who quit under the pressure of ethics based attacks.

Palin’s overinflated description of her Exxon Valdez experience should also be questioned. After all, fifty days after the Exxon spill occurred, Palin was not exactly involved in plans for remedying that disaster. In fact, she had only earned her bachelor’s degree two years earlier and was busy eloping with her high school sweetheart. Indeed, it was not until 1992 when Palin first held public office in the lowly position of the Wasilla (Alaska) City Council. Not exactly oil industry expertise.

Palin actually never dealt with the oil industry in any capacity until 2003 when she she accepted an appointment to the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission, which oversees Alaska’s oil and gas fields for safety and efficiency. Although she had little background in the area, she said she wanted to learn more about the oil industry, and was named chair of the commission and ethics supervisor. She quit that position in 2004.

To put things in chronological perspective, the jury verdict in Exxon v. Baker occurred in 1994. This was nine years before Palin even sat on the Oil and Gas Conservation Commission and long before she had any real knowledge about the industry. Thereafter, the Exxon case went through a series of appeals culminating in the US Supreme Court decision in 2008 to drastically reduce the damages award. Palin played no part in the litigation at any time. In short, Sarah Palin has no expertise in the field of oil spill clean-up or the litigation necessary to enforce it.

Barack Obama knows this, so don’t wait too long by the phone Sarah darling. Now run along and play while adults deal with the Gulf oil spill crisis.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have way more fun singing along with today’s very topical song parody.

Today’s song contemplates President Obama actually calling Sarah Palin for advice.

867 – 5309 (Jenny) song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBHJqtgo8RA

867 – 5309 (SARAH)

(sung to the Tommy Tutone song “867 – 5309 (Jenny)”)

Hey!
Sarah Palin, who can I turn to?
I need an expert that I can talk to
Your oil expertise is the stuff of folklore
I got your name and number on the wall
Sarah, I’ve got your number
I will drop you a line
Sarah, I’ll call your number
867 – 5309 (867 – 5309)
867 – 5309 (867 – 5309)

Sarah, Sarah you’ll defeat BP
You’re not too bright and you lack a real degree
I should have called you before
But I lost my nerve
Only you can save our nation
Of that, I am sure
Sarah, I’ve got your number
And I can spare the dime
Sarah, I’ll call your number
867 – 5309 (867 – 5309)
867 – 5309 (867 – 5309)

I got it (I got it), I got it
I got your number on the wall
I got it (I got it), I got it
“For a good time “
“For a good time call”

(solo)

Hey!
Sarah, don’t change your number
I need your feeble mind
Sarah, I’ll call your number
867 – 5309 (867 – 5309)
867 – 5309 (867 – 5309)

Sarah, Sarah please give us a clue
(867 – 5309)
For the price of a dime I can always turn to you
(867 – 5309)
867 – 5309 (867 – 5309)
867 – 5309 (867 – 5309)
5309 (867 – 5309)
5309 (867 – 5309)
5309 (867 – 5309)
(repeat to fade)