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Sarah Palin, Queen Of The Tabloids

Palin stars in the same newspapers and periodicals that she reads.

Palin stars in the same newspapers and periodicals that she reads.

Remember when this happened during the Katie Couric/ Sarah Palin televised interview in September 2008?

Boy, did we learn a lot about the quitting ex-governor’s reading habits and news sources that day. It appeared at the time as if she could not remember the names of any accredited newspapers or periodicals that she regularly read. She was asked to be specific but she simply chose to give some general evasive answer involving Alaskans’ ability to access news sources. Now in retrospect however, it appears that she was not suffering from a momentary memory lapse, but was rather trying to hide the actual literature (and we use that term loosely) that she does in fact read.

In this month’s issue of Vanity Fair magazine there is an expose by former future son-in-law Levi Johnston about Sarah Palin. And it ain’t flattering. The article is titled, Me and Mrs. Palin and there is a segment in which Johnston explains the journalism major’s reading habits as follows:

“Once in a blue moon, I’d see her reading a book, and I’ve never even seen her read a newspaper in my life. The Frontiersman and the Anchorage Daily News were always there in the morning, but the only one who looked through them was Todd.”

There it is, she does not read newspapers. Inasmuch as Johnston has revealed that she shops at Walmart and eats at Taco Bell, it is not much of a stretch to assume that she reads only People, Us, The National Enquirer and The Star. Please Sarah, the next time that someone asks you that question, answer it honestly and in detail. Enquiring minds want to know.

Today’s song parody explores Sarah Palin’s relationship with the press. Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along.

Sunday Papers song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5r1ub00btE&feature=related

SUNDAY PAPERS

(sung to the Joe Jackson song “Sunday Papers”)

Palin doesn’t go out anymore
Just sits at home and winks and blinks her eyes
But every weekend through the door
We get to learn what she would like to hide

If you want to know about her daughter on the mattress
If you want to know who SarahPAC are
If you wonder why the Palins are such mad-hatters
You can read it in the Sunday papers, Sunday papers

Sarah’s big hair isn’t hers at all
She watches cartoons when the tv’s on
Whenever Meg Stapleton calls
We’ll know the facts when Sunday comes along

If you want to know why Sarah P. went bonkers
If you want to know where the children are
If you want to know about her donor suckers
You can read it in the Sunday papers, read it in the Sunday papers

Sunday papers answer our questions
Sunday papers expose her lies
Sunday papers She’ll raise objections
Sunday papers God bless those guys

Dinner dates on Ebay now I guess
Will it be Taco Bell or reindeer stew
Palin’s got something against the press
They wouldn’t print it if it wasn’t true

If you want to know how she paid for her kitchen (yeah!)
If you want to know where campaign gifts are
If you want to know the next job that she’ll be quittin’
You can read it in the Sunday papers, read it in the Sunday papers

Sunday papers answer our questions
Sunday papers expose her lies
Sunday papers She’ll raise objections
Sunday papers God bless those guys

Sunday papers answer our questions
Sunday papers expose her lies
Sunday papers She’ll raise objections
Sunday papers God bless those guys

Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
Read all about it, Sunday papers
(repeat to fade)

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Unlike George W. Bush, Sarah Palin Is Not “The Decider”

Sarah Palin decides on "blue" as the color of her cell at the Wasilla Nervous Hospital

Palin decides "blue" as her cell color at the Wasilla Nervous Hospital

Remember when George W. Bush said, “I’m the decider” at a presser shortly before he forced Donald Rumsfeld out as Secretary of Defense? In doing so, he coined a new phrase. Sarah Palin, the quitting ex-governor of Alaska might consider doing the same. Perhaps she could say, “I’m the non-decider.”

Seems that “Bewildered Barbie” has once again backed out of a speaking arrangement that she previously agreed to. The Alaskans For Parental Rights organization scheduled a public event for August 27, 2009 at the ChangePoint Church in Anchorage, Alaska. The printed announcement indicates that Palin will not only be present, but she will be the first person to sign the group’s petition regarding parental notification of teen abortions (see the announce ment, here). The announcement was widely distributed both electronically and in print form for weeks.

Sarah Palin’s spokesperson, Meg Stapleton said on August 26th however, that Palin will not appear at the event because she had never heard anything about it? Hmmm, does something smell a little fishy in Denmark? It should because Palin pulls these type of “I will be there” wait “No, I will not be there” stunts all of the time.

First there was the Republican Winter Meeting in D.C. when she backed out allegedly because she had official business to attend to in Alaska, but in actuality she instead attended the Alfalfa Club dinner in D.C. Next, there was the infamous CPAC Conference in which she cancelled her appearance at the last second because she claimed that she had never agreed to attend. This was followed by her “on again” “off again” keynote speaker engagement at the Republican Senate/House Fundraiser in which on two separate occasions, she agreed and then declined to be said speaker before finally being replaced by Newt Gingrich. Finally, there was her non-appearance at the Simi Valley (California) Republican Women’s Fundraiser in which she once again stated that she never agreed to attend.

Either Sarah Palin does not know how to read a calendar, or there is some truth to The Globe Magazine‘s allegation that she has suffered a nervous breakdown as the result of marital problems. Is she indecisive or is she locked away in the proverbial “nervous hospital”? Enquiring minds want to know.

Today’s song parody is a take-off on The Clash‘s 1984 hit, Should I Stay Or Should I Go? It just seems so fitting.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to not only familiarize yourselves with the tune, but to also have more fun singing along.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GqH21LEmfbQ

WILL I STAY OR WILL I GO

(sung to The Clash song, Should I Stay Or Should I Go)

(Whoo! – – – Allah!)

Sarah you gotta let us know
Will you stay or will you go?
Can you make it there on time?
Your speech begins at ten to nine
You just have to let us know,
Will you make it to the show?

It’s always me, me, me
Yes, we agree to pay your fee
If you have a nerve attack,
Will you agree to pay us back?
You’ll be there with “Plumber Joe”
Is it “yes” or is it “no” ?

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she comes, we’ll pay her double
But she might stay inside her bubble
So come on and let us know

Her poor decisions boggle me
Palin’s become a mockery
Why won’t the asylum set her free?
Is she confined under lock and key?
Come on and let us know,
Is she brain-dead or is it show?

(split)

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she’ll stir up trouble,
Or then her nerve pills might be doubled
We just hope that if she goes…
She pleases all the “Sixpack Joes”

Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she’ll stir up trouble,
And if she stays, laughs will be doubled
We just hope that if she goes
She wears some garish slutty clothes!!!

Sarah Palin Is Koo Koo For Cocoa Puffs!

An early indication of Sarah Palin's dementia.

An early indication of Sarah Palin's dementia.

We are still awaiting some sort of confirmation of the “truthiness” of the Globe Magazine’s recent allegation that Alaska’a former governor, Sarah Palin has suffered a nervous breakdown. The Globe state’s on its website,

CONSERVATIVE darling Sarah Palin is suffering a nervous breakdown as her marriage collapses, her family is rocked by crisis and her political career sinks, insiders fear. This week’s GLOBE bares all the blockbuster details of the former Alaska governor’s secret life. It’s must reading for every American.

All we can say is, “Enquiring minds want to know.” Also, too, would it be fair to say that if Sarah Palin accepts some sort of position with Fox News, that would be exactly the same thing as being in a mental institution?

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

Crazy song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmLS_jkxPRs

CRAZY

(sung to the Patsy Cline song “Crazy”)

Crazy
Palin is chock-full of baloney
She’s crazy
Crazy and without a clue

We knew
She’s psychologically haunted
And that someday
She’d make her asylum debut

Sorry
She could be a guest on Maury
Wondrin’
How did she go so koo-koo

Oh, crazy
As crazy as her husband, First Dude
There’s no use denyin’
Cheatin’ and lyin’
Sarah’s crazy
We know it’s true

Crazy
We’re not sure if Palin’s sniffing glue
It seems like she’s flyin’
We’re not just implyin’
Sarah’s crazy
We know it’s true

Sarah Palin’s Little Helper

Sarah Palin at the Wasilla Home For Needy Governors

Sarah Palin at the Wasilla Home For Needy Governors

We are still awaiting some sort of confirmation of the “truthiness” of the Globe Magazine‘s recent allegation that Alaska’a former governor, Sarah Palin has suffered a nervous breakdown. The Globe state’s on its website,

CONSERVATIVE darling Sarah Palin is suffering a nervous breakdown as her marriage collapses, her family is rocked by crisis and her political career sinks, insiders fear. This week’s GLOBE bares all the blockbuster details of the former Alaska governor’s secret life. It’s must reading for every American.

All we can say is, “Enquiring minds want to know.”

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and have more fun singing along.

Mother’s Little Helper song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cfQ4O7FSH8

PALIN’S LITTLE HELPER

(sung to the Rolling Stones song “Mother’s Little Helper”)

What a drag it is getting old
Palin’s different today
Todd has locked his wife away
Sarah needs something today to calm her down
Thanks to our new Health Care Bill

She’s entitled to a pill
Though she’s gone quite helter skelter, she’s got Palin’s little helper
She takes four or five a day, helps those voices go away

Sarah’s different today
I just overheard her say
That she thinks the tabloid Globe is just a rag
She says that the rumor’s fake, that she’s really not half baked
And goes running for the shelter of her Palin’s little helper
Before they put her away, she gets on her knees to pray

Doctor please, some more of these
Sarah needs more, don’t lock that door
She’s a hag and she’s getting old

Men just aren’t the same today
She wants Todd to go away
It’s his antics that caused her to just retire
Sarah’s never satisfied and now must pacify her mind
Let’s all watch her sweat and swelter as the white coats try to help her
Is the strait-jacket too tight? Can she still put up a fight?

The C4P’s and G.O.P.’s
Try to ignore, that mean press corps
What a drag she is to behold

Life’s just much too hard today
I heard Sarah Palin say
That she thinks that Tina Fey is just a whore
She just wants to stand and pose in her brand new store bought clothes
Now she’s gone quite helter skelter is there anyone can help her?
Or will she stay locked away, straight on through her dying day?

Sarah Palin Nervous Breakdown?

Could The Globe be right about Palin?

Could The Globe be right about Palin?

This week’s Globe magazine may expose the latest Sarah Palin bombshell. The sensationalist gossip tabloid alleges that the former Alaska governor may have suffered a nervous breakdown. A lengthy stay in the “nervous hospital” may explain Palin’s public MIA status and the more professional writing style (ghostwritten perhaps?) which has appeared on her Facebook posts of late. Wow, the rumor mill continues to churn at a furious pace upon the grist of Palin’s personal trials and tribulations since blowing last November’s election.

Will the lipsticked pig be able to escape the confines of the asylum? Is she sharing a room with Michele Bachmann? Is there a “death panel” involved? Is the free world safe without its savior? And, where in the world is Glenn Beck? For further details, please stay tuned this week. Same “Bat” time. Same “Bat” channel.

In honor of the troops. please click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

19th Nervous Breakdown song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWx0BVAdAhU&feature=related

SARAH P.’s NERVOUS BREAKDOWN

(sung to the Rolling Stones song “19th Nervous Breakdown”)

She’s the type of person
Behind the curtain shouting out her prayers
Center of a crowd, talking much too loud
Quashing rumors of affairs
Well, it seems to me that she is mean and suffers too few tears
But now her pride has seemed to die
Her eyes are edged with tears

She better stop
Look around
Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes
Here comes Sarah P.’s nervous breakdown

Hair that’s out of style
Has been for awhile
You know her beehive’s way too tight
Brains that are hard boiled and her voice annoys
Things just don’t seem alright
Her husband who has not a clue
Took her to see some old quacks
And her children still shying away from media attacks

She better stop
Look around
Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes
Here comes Sarah P.’s nervous breakdown

First Dude’s to blame, Palin’s just insane
Well she’s just so blue and can’t find work
The whole world knows that she is a jerk, oh please

Sarah failed at school
She was such a fool
She always fell behind
And after that she became a hack
But those words are too kind
She lost her grip
And fell so hard she finally lost her mind
After awhile she realized she needed hospital time

She better stop
Look around
Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes
Here comes Sarah P.’s nervous breakdown

Oh, who’s to blame, Sarah P.’s insane
Well she’s just so blue and can’t find work
The whole world knows that she is a jerk, oh please

And she has a child
That is pretty wild
And she was never brought up right
Led a life of joy with a thousand boys
When she was out at night
Her mother who just had no clue
Did not teach poor Bristol facts
And her father’s nil parenting skills were certainly too lax

She better stop
Look around
Here it comes
Here comes Sarah P.’s nervous breakdown
Here comes Sarah P.’s nervous breakdown
Here comes Sarah P.’s nervous breakdown
Here comes Sarah P.’s nervous breakdown
Here comes Sarah P.’s nervous breakdown