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Sarah Palin Is Gingrich’s Newest Mistress!

The Christmas season may be over but progressive bloggers just received another present. Lo and behold, Sarah Palin has reemerged (no word on whether or not she saw her shadow).

Just prior to the Republican South Carolina primary election (and dutifully following in the footsteps of husband Todd “First Dude” Palin), Sarah Palin has endorsed Newt “3 Wives” Gingrich. She did so while appearing on Sean Hannity’s Fox News show (where else?). When Hannity asked Palin if she would endorse Gingrich she said, “If I had to vote in South Carolina, in order to keep this thing going, I’d vote for Newt.”

The next day after receiving Palin’s endorsement, the serial-philandering Newt Gingrich made an announcement and promise of his very own. While appearing on CNN‘s Wolf Blitzer show (what? Not Fox?), Gingrich was asked whether he would consider naming Sarah Palin his Vice Presidential running mate in light of her endorsement. Gingrich replied as follows: “I would ask her to consider taking a major role in the next administration if I’m president…”.

A “major role” in a Presidential administration generally means a cabinet appointment. Can you imagine the likes of Sarah Palin having a cabinet position? Yikes! What particular position might that be?

Secretary of State:  Nope. Palin believes that North Korea is our ally;

Secretary of Defense:  Nope. Palin has a “trigger finger” as demonstrated on her reality television show;

Secretary of Labor:  Not a chance. There are too many questions surrounding her own labor while carrying her fifth child.

Secretary of Transportation:  Nope. An in-depth knowledge of the working of snow-machines is not a qualification;

Secretary of Agriculture:  Nope. Not much agriculture in the snowy wilds of Alaska;

Secretary of Education:  Nope. Palin is shockingly unqualified for this position inasmuch as it took her 6 years and 5 different colleges to earn a mere bachelor’s degree. Also, have you ever heard her try to speak? Her unfamiliarity with American history was on display when she said that Paul Revere was warning the British by means of firing musket shots and ringing bells on his famous “Midnight Ride”;

Secretary of Energy: “Drill Baby, Drill” – No Chance;

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development:  Nope. Palin has never been in an urban area for any period of time and have you noticed the lack of building codes in Alaska? If not, go to the beautiful City of Wasilla sometime;

Secretary of Health and Human Services:  Nope. I refer you to the aforementioned wild plane rides while in labor with her 5th child;

Secretary of Veterans Affairs:  Nope. She has a publicly stated hatred for entitlements of all kinds;

Secretary of Commerce:  Nope. she played too loose and fast with her own PAC’s funds and she charged the taxpayers of Alaska for all those plane trips and hotels enjoyed by her children. Don’t forget all those expensive RNC-purchased clothes that she never returned;

Secretary of Homeland Security:  Nope. Palin mistakenly thinks that when “Putin raises his head and enters U.S. airspace”, he does so over Alaska;

Secretary of Treasury:  Nope. See Secretary of Commerce;

Attorney General: Nope. She is not qualified to be an attorney; and

UN Ambassador:  God help us!

Perhaps Newt Gingrich should simply consider appointing Sarah Palin to the only secretary position she is qualified for. She spends so much time on Facebook and Twitter, that she would be an excellent data entry clerk in the general secretarial pool.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Copacabana song link:


(sung to the Barry Manilow song “Copacabana”)

Her name was Sarah, She was a schoolgirl
With lots of style gel in her hair and a dress cut down to there
She used to play flute, and she was Todd’s type
And yes she was a sportscaster, a job that she could not master
Although she was a pup, with Todd she got knocked-up
They were young and they had each other
Just a mere hiccup

At the Copa, Copacavilla
The hottest spot north of Wasilla
At the Copa, Copacavilla
Those rimless glasses made them look like asses
At the Copa…they fell in love

(Copa Copacavilla)

His name was Toddie, she liked his body
They got married one fine day, He insisted he’s not gay
They said a prayer, then she was mayor
But to add some attitude, she changed his name to the “First Dude”
Sarah then hired some crooks, and then she banned some books
There was trouble with city contracts
So they cooked the books

At the Copa, Copacavilla
The hottest spot north of Wasilla
At the Copa, Copacavilla
Handouts and kickbacks and lots of “Joe Sixpacks”
At the Copa…next it was Guv

(Copa Copacavilla) (Copacavilla, ahh ahh ahh ahh)
(Ahh ahh ahh ahh Copa Copacavilla)
(Wasilla,  rhymes with vanilla)
(Dumbness and fashion… were always her passion)

Her name is Sarah, she is the Guv’nor
She even tried to be V.P.,  cuz she was so damn “Mavericky”
That was a pipedream for our gal, Sarah
The job was above her pay-grade. More substance in lemonade
Her inlaw getting high. Now she just hates Levi
She lost the race and she lost her mojo
Now she’s lost her mind!

At the Copa (CO), Copacavilla (Copacavilla)
The hottest spot north of Wasilla (Here)
At the Copa (CO), Copacavilla
No education. Unwed procreation
At the Copa…That’s our dear Guv

(Copa) That’s our dear Guv
(Fade to end)

Frivolous Lawsuit-Hating Palin To File Her Own Frivolous Lawsuit?

"I'll get you Joe McGinniss!"

Last week, author (and former Palin neighbor) Joe McGinniss released his scathing book about Sarah Palin, titled, “The Rogue: Searching For The Real Sarah Palin”. The acclaimed author certainly found out a lot about Sarah Palin and he was not shy about including the naked truth in his book.

McGinniss is the investigative journalist who infamously moved in next door to the Palins during the summer of 2010 while researching his book. In an effort to shield her family from the ever watchful eye of McGinniss, Palin constructed a ridiculously high spite-fence. Not only did the fence impede McGinniss’ sight lines, but it also looked terrible and probably decreased the value of the Palin property. The sex-obsessed SarahPalin justified the fence by alleging that McGinniss was some sort of perverted Peeping Tom. In a contemporaneous Facebook entry, she wrote,

Wonder what kind of material he’ll gather while overlooking Piper’s bedroom…

The fence did not prevent McGinniss from gathering his facts however, and they do not paint a pretty portrait of Sarah Palin or her family. For instance, the book states that McGinniss was told that Sarah Palin snorted cocaine off an overturned 55-gallon drum during a snowmobile excursion, slept with college (and later NBA) basketball star Glen Rice when she was an unmarried 23-year-old sports reporter (McGinniss talked to Rice for the book and he confirmed the relationship) and had an affair with Brad Hanson, husband Todd Palin‘s business partner, apparently as payback for her husband’s infidelities.

McGinniss also wrote that he was told that “By November 2001, Sarah’s domestic life was in tatters.… Time with friends — not that there were many friends — would degenerate into marital squabbles, raised voices, and frequent threats of divorce. A recurring cause of conflict was Sarah’s inability or refusal to act as mother to her children.” McGinniss also suggests “that Palin’s “hockey mom” image is the most stage-managed sort of lie. “Friends recall,” McGinniss observes, “that when Todd was working on the North Slope, the children literally would have a hard time finding enough to eat. ‘Those kids had to fend for themselves,’ one says. ‘I’d walk into that kitchen and Bristol and Willow would be sitting there with a burnt pot of Kraft mac and cheese on the stove … and Sarah would be up in her bedroom with the door closed saying she didn’t want to be disturbed.”‘

Ouch! All of this scathing information was certain to leave a lasting scar on the Palin family. It has. The first to respond was “First Dude” Todd Palin. In a statement to reporters immediately after the book’s release he described the book as “disgusting lies, innuendo, and smears. This is a man who has been relentlessly stalking my family to the point of moving in right next door to us to harass us and spy on us to satisfy his creepy obsession with my wife.”

Now the second Palin shoe has dropped. CNN reports that Sarah Palin has “threatened to sue the book’s author for including what her lawyer called a “series of lies and rumors presented as fact.” The CNN report also states that “In a letter sent to the book’s publisher, Crown Publishing Group, Palin’s lawyer said Monday both McGinniss and Crown knowingly published false information and ‘defamed the Palins.”‘

It is obvious that McGinniss’ book has hit a Palin nerve, but the author stands by the veracity of his written assertions. he stated the following to CNN’s “American Morning”:

“Sarah Palin has lived an outrageous life. All I did was talk to people about it, and they documented it for me. When I was comfortable with the veracity of what I heard, I put it into the book. There were a lot of things that I wasn’t comfortable with, that I didn’t put them in.”

Palin’s threatened lawsuit would be quite interesting. The discovery process alone would require her to make statements “under the pains and penalties of perjury” in the form of answers to written interrogatories and live deposition testimony. Furthermore, the Plaintiff (in this case Sarah Palin) bears the burden of proving that McGinniss’ statements are false and true statements are an absolute defense to her action. Palin also bears the additional burden of dealing with what is known as the “public figure doctrine”. That doctrine provides that for a public official (or other legitimate public figure) to win a libel case, the statement must have been published knowing it to be false or with reckless disregard to its truth, (also known as actual malice). That is a very difficult burden to prove for a public figure such as Sarah Palin.

Just wondering, but does the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska really want to expose herself to a lawsuit wherein her statements and those of family members and others would be made under oath and made public? Enquiring minds want to know.

This gives us the opportunity to re-post a song parody (with slight modifications0 which was originally written the last time that Palin threatened to sue somebody for libel. The subject of the song is Sarah Palin’s long-time attorney, Thomas Van Flein, Esq. Please enjoy.

Please click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

Please Mr. Postman song link:

MR. VAN FLEIN (Version II)

(sung to The Beatles version of the song “Please, Mr. Postman”)

Wait, oh yes wait a minute mister postman
Wait, wait mister postman

Mister postman look and see
You got a summons in your bag for me?
I been waiting such a long time
Since I heard from Thomas Van Flein

There must be some word today
From Ms. Palin’s own attorney
Please mister postman look and see
If there’s a summons, to be served on me
I been writing and waiting mister postman
So patiently
For just a call. I got his letter
Saying that he would be suing me

Please mister postman look and see
If there’s a summons in your bag for me
I’ve been waitin’ for Thomas Van Flein
To prove to me that he has a spine

Wants to sue off my ass this time
For what she considers a crime
Threatening me makes her feel better
Palin will learn I’m not a bed wetter

Sarah Palin look at me
You shouldn’t hang out your dirty laundry
I’ll report it in my due time
Go tell that to Thomas Van Flein

You gotta wait a minute, wait a minute
Wait a minute, wait a minute
You gotta wait a minute, wait a minute
Check it and see, one more time for me

You gotta wait a minute, wait a minute
Wait a minute, wait a minute
Mister postman
Deliver the letter, the sooner the better

You gotta wait a minute, wait a minute
Wait a minute, wait a minute
You gotta wait a minute, wait a minute
You gotta wait a minute, wait a minute
You gotta wait a minute, wait a minute
(repeat to fade)