Blog Archives

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 29

Just a few noteworthy political meteorites  that have been careening around the galaxy this past week.

BREAKING NEWS: Befuddled bloviator Rush Limbaugh announced on his radio program last week that if the Health Care Reform bill is enacted into law, he will flee the United States and move to Costa Rica in 5 years (when all of the provisions of the bill will kick in). Problem is, Costa Rica has a socialized medical system which covers approximately 95% of its citizens. Would someone please inform Limbaugh of this?

THIS JUST IN: Moonbat crazy Sarah Palin has announced that she will be hosting a fundraiser for moonbat crazy Republican Congresswoman Michele Bachmann. Those two alone will provide enough insanity to fill an asylum.

BREAKING NEWS: Things just got a little worse for Republican Senator John Ensign of Nevada. You might recall that Ensign is the “family values” politician that cheated on his wife with a married staffer and when he was caught, he tried buying off her husband by finding him a job. He also arranged to have his parents pay hush up money to his mistress and her husband. Now some previously undisclosed email messages have emerged which may indicate that Ensign violated federal laws by attempting to steer lobbying work to the embittered husband of his mistress. The FBI and Senate ethics investigators are reviewing the emails to determine whether criminal charges will result therefrom. Maybe the Republican leadership should stop hurling stones at resigning Democratic representative Eric Massa lest they shatter their own glass house. At least Massa had the decency to resign while Ensign refuses to do so.

THIS JUST IN: Another Republican lie regarding health care reform has been debunked this week. The most recent AP/GfK poll reveals that 50% of Americans believe the health care system should be changed “a great deal” and only 4% believe that the system should not be changed. So, the Republicans are lying when they claim that Americans do not want massive change to the health care system. No surprise there.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Despicable Human Beings” features Karl Rove who  told a BBC interviewer that he is “proud” of waterboarding and that it is not torture. Perhaps then Rove might be willing to undergo the procedure by means of standing in for the chicken-hearted Sean Hannity who remains unwilling to take the offer from Keith Olbermann who has agreed to donate $ 10,000.00 to charity for every second that Hannity can withstand the procedure.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Republicans Behaving Badly” features Utah House Majority leader Kevin Garn. He resigned from the Legislature, two days after his confession about sitting nude in a hot tub with a teenage girl 25 years ago stunned the conservative state. The 55-year-old Garn acknowledged the indiscretion late Thursday immediately after the Legislature adjourned for the session. He says he paid the woman, Cheryl Maher, $150,000 to keep quiet about the episode when he unsuccessfully ran for Congress in 2002. Maher was 15 and a legal minor when the hot tub incident occurred. The Salt Lake Tribune reports that Garn was 30.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Conservative Pundits Telling The Truth” features David Brooks of the New York Times. In his March 11th column he said that President Barack Obama  “is still the most realistic and reasonable major player in Washington”. See David, that wasn’t so hard now, was it? Just imagine what the likes of Limbaugh and Beck will say about Brooks.

THIS JUST IN: Those crazy, secession happy Texans are at it again. The state that claims to have given us George W. Bush except for the fact that he was born in Connecticut, raised in Maine and secondary schooled in Massachusetts before attending college back in Connecticut has gotten itself all mixed up once again.  The far right leaning evangelical Christian dominated Texas Board of Education voted this week to revise its social studies curriculum by means of refusing to require that “students learn that the Constitution prevents the U.S. government from promoting one religion over all others.” It also voted to remove Thomas Jefferson from the Texas curriculum, “replacing him with religious right icon John Calvin.” So much for the high status of those “founding fathers” that the conservatives so often make reference to. The new Texas state motto: “Texas Education, Don’t Let Facts Influence Our Children”.

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

California Dreamin’ song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xN9r0bWe78

CONSERVATIVE DREAMIN’

(sung to the Mamas & The Papas song “California Dreamin’”)

All their shirts are brown
(All their shirts are brown)
And their hair is grey
(And their hair is grey)
Listen to them talk
(Listen to them talk)
As they loudly pray
(As they loudly pray)
Scandal is their norm
(Scandal is their norm)
They have one every day
(They have one every day)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
And politics of hate

Members of John Birch
Some won’t admit they’re gay
But when they get down on their knees
(Get down on their knees)
That’s when they like to play
(When they like to play)
These slimy creatures should be told
(Creatures should be told)
Membership’s gone away
(Members gone away)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has led them all astray

(musical interlude)

Glenn Beck is a clown
(Glenn Beck is a clown)
What does Limbaugh weigh?
(What does Limbaugh weigh?)
Palin cannot talk
(Palin cannot talk)
She’s no Tina Fey
(She’s no Tina Fey)
Somebody should tell her
(Somebody should tell her)
To just go away
(To just go away)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has become so cliché
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has lost all its cache´
(Conservative dreamin’)
Drives voters all away

Glenn Beck Admits That His Show Is A Waste Of Time

Glenn Beck dons the "Fear Goggles"

Glenn Beck, Glenn Beck,

You’re such a train-wreck!

You speak like a looney,

And look like ol’ Shreck!

Thank goodness we have Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck and Fox News to amuse us in the Monty Pythonesque fashion that we all so adore. If it were not for this fictionalized news network and its absurd assortment of mentally challenged hosts, what would we bloggers have to write about? What’s that you say? Oh yes, we would still have Larry Craig, the Cheney Gang, the nudist Scott Brown, Michele Bachmann and Rush Limbaugh. Nevertheless, Fox News does keep a lot of these nincompoops neatly caged in one little bundle.

Today’s object of ridicule is the crying man-child, Glenn Beck. In Beck, the right wing punditry has found another person that seems to fit it’s employment criteria. Like the “family values” minded Newt Gingrich and Rush Limbaugh, he has been married multiple times. His educational background also measures up well with Limbaugh’s in that his college career lasted for all of one course. Yes, we said “course” not year or semester. Additionally, he also shares an alcohol and substance abuse history with Limbaugh. Glenn Beck is truly a Fox “Man For All Seasons”.

This week we had the added enjoyment of hearing Glenn Beck proclaim that his show is a waste of time. He invited resigning Democratic Representative Eric Massa on to his program in the hope of exposing the ethical violations of a Democrat or in the hope of eliciting some insider information that the Obama administration was strong-arming members of its own party. The interview, however, did not go as Beck planned.

First of all, Massa, unlike so many Republican scandal subjects like Larry Craig and David Vitter, accepted personal responsibility for his actions and voluntarily resigned his office as a consequence thereof. Massa said,

My difficulties are of my own making, period, and that during long car rides in the early hours of the morning and late at night and always in private, I know that my own language failed to meet the standards I set for all around me and myself.

After striking out on that pitch, Beck changed the subject to the alleged Obama strong-arming. in an earlier radio interview, Massa said,

I was set up for this from the very, very beginning. If you think that somehow they didn’t come after me to get rid of me because my vote is the deciding vote in the healthcare bill, then ladies and gentlemen, you live today in a world that is so innocent as to not understand what is going on in Washington, D.C.

Beck hoped to get Massa to affirm that statement and to expound thereon. Instead, all he got was a harmless statement from Massa that Rahm Emanuel, while nude at a gym locker room, confronted him over his vote. Hardly the juicy revelation that Beck hoped for.

The ineffective interview prompted Glenn Beck to say to his audience,

I think I’ve wasted your time. I think this is the first time I have wasted an hour of your time, and I apologize for that.

Indeed Glenn, you have wasted our time, but it was not the first time that you have done so. You waste our time every time your lying mug and voice appear on either television or radio.

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Last Train To Clarksville song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScXXaBu1Ing

LAST TRAIN TO NUTSVILLE

(sung to the Monkees song “Last Train To Clarksville”)

Take the last train to Nutsville
Beck will meet you at the station
You can be there by four-thirty
Cuz Fox made your reservation
The Beck Show, oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!

Glenn lost his mind without warning
And it won’t be back again
Glenn Beck’s facing stormy weather
And it’s causing quite a strain
So, he must go, oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no
He might have a lobotomy on his dome.


Take the last train to Nutsville
Glenn Beck is their famous patient
If he’s not crying he’ll blow some kisses
But don’t attempt conversation
Oh… oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!

Take the last train to Nutsville
That’s where Glenn Beck now calls home
We can’t hear him making noisy
Conversation all alone
He’s feelin’ low. Oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!
And I don’t think that Glenn’s ever coming home.

Take the last train to Nutsville
Take the last train to Nutsville
(repeat and fade)