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The Palin’s Have Become The Kardashians

The Kardashian family is the purest example of fame for fame’s sake alone that this great nation of ours can lay claim to. Think of it for a moment. Nobody would have ever heard of any of the Kardashians if O.J. Simpson had not retained Robert Kardashian as part of his “dream team” of legal eagles to defend him in his murder trial. At the time, what was most notable about Kardashian was not his legal expertise, but the fact that he had not practiced law in over 20 years and had allowed his license to practice law to expire. Did he inspire a nation with his legal acumen in the Simpson case? Not so much. He merely sat next to Simpson during the trial while the real lawyers successfully defended the former football star.

Somehow, a star was born. From that point onward anyone with the name Kardashian became an overnight celebrity without having demonstrated any sort of expertise in any field whatsoever. Oldest daughter Kourtney was completely unknown and unaccomplished until she began appearing on television reality shows such as Filthy Rich: Cattle Drive, Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami and Kourtney and Kim Take New York. Daughter Kim Kardashian followed suit. She too was virtually unknown and unaccomplished until she performed in a widely distributed sex tape with her boyfriend and appeared in the reality television series Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Kourtney and Kim Take New York and Dancing with The Stars. Daughter Khloe Kardashian is also only known for the reality television series Keeping Up With The Kardashians, Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami and Khloe and Lamar (along with husband Lamar Odom of the Los Angeles Lakers) as well as for being arrested and jailed for driving under the influence of alcohol. Son Robert, Jr. has done nothing but appear in the series Keeping Up With The Kardashians and Khloe and Lamar.

Despite their nonexistent achievements, nary a day can pass without media attention on at least one of the Kardashians. Is there any other American family that has accomplished so little yet gained so much fame? The answer is a resounding, “Yes”! The Palins of Wasilla Alaska.

Prior to that late summer day in 2008 when she was named as Republican John McCain’s vice presidential running mate, nobody south of Alaska had ever heard of Sarah Palin. That anonymity ended suddenly however, with the folksy and educationally-challenged Palin’s disastrous series of televised interviews and her inept debate performance. Her fiery stump speeches were heavily laden with one-liners but glaringly short on substance. Consequently, she and McCain were defeated soundly in the 2008 election. Nevertheless, she was considered to be physically attractive enough to catch the attention of similarly uneducated conservative men and members of the media such that she became an overnight celebrity sensation.

After losing the election, Sarah Palin began to get a taste for fame and a similar distaste for the serious world of politics. She promptly quit her position as Governor of Alaska after having served only half of one term. Since then she has had her memoir and another book ghost-written and she has embarked on two nationwide book-signing tours. She joined the lucrative speaking circuit and she has teased about a possible run for the presidency. She has joined the employ of Fox News as a commentator and she has plastered the internet tubes with Facebook postings and Twitter tweets about almost every thought that enters her tiny little head. She even appeared in her very own short-lived reality television series. Sarah Palin has become a lucrative media industry unto herself.

Her family has followed suit, also too. The tabloid magazines love to cover every Palin family trial and tribulation, and there are many. There were the drug related arrests of husband Todd’s half-sister and once-and-future son in law Levi Johnston’s mother. There was Levi Johnston’s quick rise and fall from fame as a Playboy model and potential reality television star. There were the profanity-laced Facebook tirades of two of the young Palin daughters. There was the Palin family’s attempts to have Sarah’s former brother-in-law fired as an Alaskan State Trooper. There was the alleged affair between Todd Palin and an Alaskan prostitute. All of this and we have not even mentioned Bristol yet.

Bristol Palin of course, is the one-time unwed pregnant teen daughter and high school drop-out of Sarah and Todd. During her campaign for vice president, Sarah often referred to her as the brave daughter who would soon be married to her longtime boyfriend so that the two of them would raise their child in loving harmony. Indeed, the wedding announcement was made before a televised audience. Of course none of that happened. Shortly after Palin’s campaign collapsed, so did Bristol and Levi’s wedding engagement.

After the break-up, Levi agreed to model for Playboy Magazine and Bristol accepted a high paying job with the Candies Foundation to speak out against teen pregnancy of all things. Only in America. She is getting lucratively paid to tell teens not to do exactly what she did. There have been recent rumors that at the young age of 22, Bristol has had elective plastic surgery. Like her mom, she also announced that she has been paid by a publisher to write a book. Also like her mom, Bristol has taken to the world of reality television series. Last year she appeared on Dancing With The Stars and was surrounded with the ever-present Palin aura of controversy. It was alleged that despite her poor dancing skills and the judges’ low scoring, Bristol was not voted off the show by the audience as the result of a well orchestrated effort by Sarah Palin supporters. As an encore, it was announced yesterday that Bristol will now be appearing in yet another reality series.

CNN reports, “The BIO Channel announced today that they will air 10 half-hour episodes of a currently untitled Bristol Palin/Massey brothers docu-series. The new program will center around Palin and her son Tripp’s move to Los Angeles, where they will live with actor Kyle Massey and his brother Christopher.”  David McKillop, executive vice president of programming for the A&E Network and BIO Channel, said “Bristol is the kind of personality BIO is drawn to. Her personal life has been playing out in the media for several years but this will be the first time she’s opening up her real life, with her son and her friends the Massey Brothers.”

The Palins are now officially the next Kardashians.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Dancing Queen song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y62OlGvC-bk

DANCING QUEEN

(sung to the ABBA song “Dancing Queen”)

She can dance, she’ll connive, someday she’ll be Levi’s wife
(Ooooh)
Scheming girl, pregnant teen, she is the dancing queen

Not too bright and her sights set low
Stepping out just to earn some dough
Where they play right-wing music, sporting her new bling
Let’s pray that she don’t sing

Baby Tripp is right by her side
Sarah Palin mulls suicide
First Dude, he’s sure to lose it. Here comes Palin decline
There’ll be no second chance
Let’s all watch Bristol dance…

Bristol’s the dancing queen, two left feet, unwed pregnant teen
Dancing queen, seeking green from the cash machine
(Oh yeah)
She’ll enhance her sex drive, and prove that she is pro-life
(Ooooh)
Bristol girl, on TV, she is the dancing queen

She’s a teaser, she leads boys on
Never makes them put condoms on
She’s the unwed teen mother soon to make Baby Two
She loves to take a chance
Let’s all watch Bristol dance…

Bristol’s the dancing queen, two left feet, unwed pregnant teen
Dancing queen, indiscrete on the TV screen
(Oh yeah)
What’s the chance she’ll survive? Should have been gone by Round 5?
(Ooooh)
Bristol girl, on TV, she is the dancing queen
Bristol’s the dancing queen

Palin Displays Her Constitutional Ignorance Yet Again.

She is like a pet parrot that keeps repeating the same thing over and over again regardless of context. You cannot have reasoned discourse with a parrot and you cannot have reasoned discourse with Sarah Palin. The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska is, without question, the most ignorant pseudo-politician on this nation’s national political stage. She made that evident once again yesterday when she commented on the Supreme Court’s 8 to 1 decision in the Westboro Baptist Church case.

By an overwhelming majority (something that is more rare than $3.00 gas), the usually bitterly divided Supreme Court of the United States held that members of the Westboro Baptist Church had a right to promote what they call a broad-based message on public matters such as wars, by means of holding angry, anti-gay protests at the funerals of U.S. military members. The father of a fallen Marine had sued the small church, saying those protests amounted to targeted harassment and an intentional infliction of emotional distress. The Court disagreed and upheld the church’s First Amendment right to freedom of speech.

At issue was a delicate test between the privacy rights of grieving families and the free speech rights of demonstrators, however disturbing and provocative their message. The radically conservative Chief Justice John Roberts wrote for the majority,

“Speech is powerful. It can stir people to action, move them to tears of both joy and sorrow, and — as it did here — inflict great pain. On the facts before us, we cannot react to that pain by punishing the speaker.” Instead, the national commitment to free speech, he said, requires protection of “even hurtful speech on public issues to ensure that we do not stifle public debate.”

The New York Times wrote, “Chief Justice Roberts used sweeping language culled from the First Amendment canon of foundational decisions in setting out the central place free speech plays in the constitutional structure. “Debate on public issues should be robust, uninhibited and wide-open,” he wrote, because “speech on public issues occupies the highest rung of the hierarchy of First Amendment values.”‘

Also from the Times, “Chief Justice Roberts wrote that two primary factors required a ruling in favor of the church. First, he said, its speech was on matters of public concern. While the messages on the signs carried by its members “may fall short of refined social or political commentary,” he wrote, “the issues they highlight — the political and moral conduct of the United States and its citizens, the fate of our nation, homosexuality in the military and scandals involving the Catholic clergy — are matters of public import.” Second, the members of the church “had the right to be where they were.” They were picketing on a public street 1,000 feet from the site of the funeral; they complied with the law and with instructions from the police, and they protested quietly and without violence.” Hence, “Any distress occasioned by Westboro’s picketing turned on the content and viewpoint of the message conveyed, rather than any interference with the funeral itself.”’

So you see, it is obvious that this particular case dealt with the First Amendment’s protection of the right to free speech from government interference. That is, the legal basis of the decision is obvious to everyone except the ignorant Sarah Palin. Within hours of the decision, Palin took to the sophomoric means of communication known as Twitter and tweeted,

“Common sense & decency absent as wacko “church” allowed hate msgs spewed@ soldiers’ funerals but we can’t invoke God’s name in public square”

Palin, as usual, confuses the Establishment Clause and the Free Exercise Clause of the First Amendment with the free speech portion. The Estabishment Clause states that “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion”. Together with the Free Exercise Clause (“… or prohibiting the free exercise thereof”), these two clauses make up what are called the “religion clauses” of the First Amendment. Palin fails to understand that merely because one of the parties to this case was a church, it does not mean that the “religion clauses” of the First Amendment are automatically invoked. The Westboro case had nothing to do with the government attempting to limit the  “free exercise” of religion or the separation of church and state.

Sarah Palin has an embarrassing history of invoking the principle of free speech at odd times and well out of context. In 2008 during a radio interview she said, “If they convince enough voters that that is negative campaigning, for me to call Barack Obama out on his associations, then I don’t know what the future of our country would be in terms of First Amendment rights and our ability to ask questions without fear of attacks by the mainstream media.” You might also recall that back in 2009 after beauty pageant queen Carrie Jean Prejean was criticized by some for her anti-gay marriage stance, Palin said, “The liberal onslaught of malicious attacks against Carrie Prejean for expressing her opinion is despicable. Our Constitution protects us all – not just those that agree with the far left.”  Then, just last year while defending Dr. Laura Schlessinger, who retired after she faced intense criticism for using the N-word on her radio show. Palin tweeted,

“Dr.Laura:don’t retreat…reload! (Steps aside bc her 1st Amend.rights ceased 2exist thx 2activists trying 2silence”isn’t American,not fair”)” and “Dr.Laura=even more powerful & effective w/out the shackles, so watch out Constitutional obstructionists. And b thankful 4 her voice,America!”

These statements by Sarah Palin prove that she cannot grasp the meaning of the First Amendment’s protection of free speech. She fails to comprehend that it bars the government from halting free speech. It does not have anything to do with whether a person is free to say things without being criticized. The government had taken no action with regard to Prejean’s, Schlessinger’s or to Palin’s words. Moreover, members of the public had every right to criticize those words. To paraphrase Justin Elliott from Salon.com, under Palin’s warped interpretation of the First Amendment, criticism of those persons with whom she agrees is unconstitutional, but peaceful protests with a message she does not agree with should be prohibited.

It is obvious why it took Sarah Palin six years at five safety-schools before obtaining a college degree. She is not very smart.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s very topical song parody.

Woman” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FaToLHdWpMw&feature=fvst

PALIN

(sung to the John Lennon song “Woman”)

Palin, I can hardly express,
My great amusement at your ignorance
The Constitution, you just do not get
Yet Sarah, I will try to express,
My satisfaction and thankfulness,
For showing me your endless helplessness
Oooh well, well,
Oooh well, well,

Palin, why can’t you understand,
Peaceful protests should not be banned
Please remember the Founding Fathers’ plans
And Sarah, you are a work of art
Like felt wall-hangings you find at Walmart
Pretty soon you’ll be “Dancing With The Stars”
Oooh well, well,
Oooh well, well,

Well,
Palin, please let me explain,
You can’t be president if you have no brain.
So let me tell you again and again and again,
I loathe you (yeah, yeah) now and forever,
I loathe you (yeah, yeah) now and forever,
I loathe you (yeah, yeah) now and forever,
I loathe you (yeah, yeah) …

Christine O’Donnell Says “No” To Dancing But “Yes” To Writing

Unfortunately, we learned this morning that we will be deprived of the chance to laugh out loud at this season’s version of “Dancing With The Stars”. It was announced that Christine O’Donnell will not participate in the greatly anticipated parade of fools. This means that we have been denied the opportunity to guffaw at yet another political conservative as they try to get their “cool-on”. Remember Tom “Convicted Felon” Delay’s effeminate rendition of “Wild Thing”? Could anyone forget Bristol Palin’s gorilla suit? Oh, what could have been as Christine O’Donnell donned her witch costume or pranced around carrying a vibrator.

But alas, we must carry-on without the twice-failed Teapublican candidate for a Delaware Senate seat. There is a silver lining however. In a statement, O’Donnell says she instead wants to devote her time to completing a book on the 2010 election. She said:

“I’m honored to have been invited to participate in one of the few uplifting TV shows out there. The physical challenge made it all the more appealing. Meeting challenges head-on makes us stronger. Yet, for now, I have another challenge before me; to complete a book that tells the story of the 2010 election cycle with the dignity and respect it deserves. It is my hope that this book will serve as a clarion call to my fellow citizen-activists by taking the reader beyond petitions and protests and articulating not just what we should do, but why we must do it.”

“My goal is for the book and the new PAC I’m starting to serve as resources to activate and motivate those in this middle-class movement who worked so hard to launch the new revolution. If either of these projects were further along, I would be lacing up my dancing shoes right now.”

Christine O’Donnell will follow in the footsteps of her “Mama Grizzly” Sarah Palin and write a memoir. It is certain to be a compelling read as she describes in lurid detail, her date on a satanic alter. She may relate all her deep insightful bedtime thoughts while she was busy not masturbating. She might more fully describe her statement to Bill Maher that “evolution is a myth”. She can even provide us with her interpretation of the U.S. Constitution which she believes provides for a full co-mingling of church and state. Finally, we can only assume that the final chapter will be devoted to her defense of the federal investigation into her alleged misuse of campaign contributions for such personal purposes as rent, food and vacation travel. Oh, this book should be a doozy.

Stay tuned for more details.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

“Everyday I Write The Book” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfFunjzyIsE&feature=player_embedded

EVERYDAY SHE WRITES HER BOOK

(sung to the Elvis Costello song “Everyday I Write The Book”)

We must thank the Lord up above us
O’Donnell is such a go-getter
We’ll soon learn much more ‘bout this debtor
She got few votes, but she won’t be a footnote
She’s a girl on a mission writing her first edition

And, we all question just how long it took
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday she writes her book

Chapter One, masturbating is just so wrong
Chapter Two, the recipe for witch’s brew
Her times with Hannity are the subject of Chapter Three
All of those embarrassing pics in Chapters Four, Five and Six

And, we all question just how long it took
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday she writes her book

The lies she hawked
Her hate-fueled talk, she was so pissy, we laughed
In four or five paragraphs
Christine’s vile nonsense and her insane remarks
Are captured there in her quotation marks

And, we all question just how long it took
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday she writes her book

Everyday she writes her book

Tho’ her book may be met with indifference
She’s not a lover she’s a fighter
With her pen and her electric typewriter
She’ll be living in her world as a martyr with no equal
She’ll still own the film rights and be working on the sequel

And, we all question just how long it took
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday she writes her book
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday she writes her book
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday she writes her book
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday she writes her book
Everyday, everyday, everyday, everyday she writes her book
We can’t believe how long it took, everyday she writes the book
We can’t believe how long it took, everyday she writes the book
We can’t believe how long it took, everyday she writes the book

A Friday Three-fer

Three things caught the attention of Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off in the last few days.

1.  CNN reported that Democratic Massachusetts Rep. Michael Capuano came under fire for heated comments he made at a union rally earlier this week. Capuano spoke at a rally outside the statehouse in Boston Tuesday in support of Wisconsin state workers. He encouraged union members to challenge a proposal that would limit collective bargaining rights stating, “Every once in a while you’ve got to get out in the streets and get a little bloody when necessary. This fight is worth it.”

The seven-term congressman was one of many who called for toned-down rhetoric after the shooting of Arizona Rep. Gabrielle Giffords last month, and therefore his rhetoric seemed a bit strong. Indeed, Capuano himself realized this fact an offered an almost immediate apology for his words. He said, “I strongly believe in standing up for worker rights and my passion for preserving those rights may have gotten the best of me yesterday in an unscripted speech. I wish I had used different language to express my passion and I regret my choice of words.”

Capuano is mulling over a bid to take on Republican Sen. Scott Brown in 2012 and has said he will decide by this summer. At this point, Mike Capuano is Lynnrockets‘ choice to replace Brown.

2.  In contrast to the way Democrats are handling the use of violent rhetoric, we have Republican Georgia Rep. Paul Broun. You might remember Broun as being the guy who was forced in 2008 to apologize when he likened then-President-elect Barack Obama to Adolf Hitler. He also drew national attention last month when, live tweeting during President Obama’s State of the Union Address, he wrote among other criticisms, “Mr. President, you don’t believe in the Constitution. You believe in socialism.”

According to the Athens Banner-Herald, at a town hall meeting last night, the first question asked of Broun was “Who is going to shoot Obama?”. Shockingly, the comment drew laughter from the crowd, but Broun did not exactly denounce the comments, according to the paper. His reply? “The thing is, I know there’s a lot of frustration with this president,” he said in response. “We’re going to have an election next year. Hopefully, we’ll elect somebody that’s going to be a conservative, limited-government president … who will sign a bill to repeal and replace Obamacare.”

As is the case far too often, if a Republican is not personally vomiting-out violent rhetoric, he or she implicitly condones such language by his or her supporters. The difference between the demeanor of the parties could not be more apparent.

3.  We have saved the best for last. Dancing with the Stars is already searching for potential stars to train with professional dancers in the next season of the hit ABC show. Christine O’Donnell has reportedly been asked to be on the show. O’Donnell is still unsure if she will accept the offer to dance. “My initial thought was to decline,” she said. O’Donnell said that she didn’t think that her dancing abilities were up to par, but she’s reportedly still deciding on whether or not she wants to try her chances on the show. Lynnrockets wonders if she is also mulling over potential costumes. The obvious choice is, of course, a witch, but she could also pull-out the infamous Halloween lady-bug duds. Stay tuned.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody. Enjoy!

“Dancing Queen” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y62OlGvC-bk

CHRISTINE THE DANCING QUEEN

(sung to the ABBA song “Dancing Queen”)

She can’t dance, she can lie, She is absurdly pro-life
(Ooooh)
Scheming girl, witchcraft scene, she is the dancing queen

Not too bright and her sights set low
Looked like an ass on Bill Maher’s show
She loves that right-wing music, sporting her new bling
Let’s pray that she don’t sing

She will trip and she will slide
Our laughter won’t be denied
Out of step to the music. Christine is not refined
There’ll be no second chance
Let’s all watch Christine dance…

Christine the dancing queen, two left feet, flubbing her routine
Dancing queen, seeking green from the cash machine
(Oh yeah)
If by chance she survives, will it ignite her sex-drive?
(Ooooh)
O’Donnell, on TV, she is the dancing queen

She’s a teaser, she’ll turn ‘em on
Hellfire burning on her front lawn
She’s a spell-casting mother cooking-up her brew
She’ll put ‘em in a trance
Let’s all watch Christine dance…

Christine’s the dancing queen, two left feet, flubbing her routine
Dancing queen, turning green on the TV screen
(Oh yeah)
What’s the chance she’ll survive? Will she make it to Round 5?
(Ooooh)
O’Donnell, on TV, she is the dancing queen
Christine’s the dancing queen

This Just In: “Hammer” To The Slammer

The Washington Post reports that,

“A judge ordered former U.S. House Majority Leader Tom DeLay to serve three years in prison Monday for his role in a scheme to illegally funnel corporate money to Texas candidates in 2002.

The sentence comes after a jury in November convicted DeLay on charges of money laundering and conspiracy to commit money laundering. DeLay was once one of the most powerful men in U.S. politics, ascending to the No. 2 job in the House of Representatives.

Senior Judge Pat Priest sentenced him to the three-year term on the conspiracy charge. He also sentenced him to five years in prison on the money laundering charge but allowed DeLay to accept 10 years of probation instead of more prison time.”

Another corrupt Republican bites the dust.

It was 2009 when the public last paid any attention to Tom Delay. He was a contestant on ABC‘s “Dancing With The Stars.” At the time he said, “I love dancing … you’ve got to love dancing if you’re from Texas. Conservatives can have fun too. Conservatives can let their hair down… and put on some dancing shoes.”

That is just the type of talk that should make Delay the most popular twinkle-toes in Cell Block D. Think any of his new inmate boyfriends will be interested in seeing how he performs the “Horizontal Bop?” Will they be viewing this video before he checks in to his new home?

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Jailhouse Rock song link:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gj0Rz-uP4Mk

JAILHOUSE BOP

(sung to the Elvis Presley song “Jailhouse Rock”)

He has to stay locked-up they will not grant him bail
The inmates love to watch Tom Delay shake his tail
His hips were pumpin’, he was shakin’ everything
You should have heard those knocked out jailbirds sing
Let’s rock, come on Tommy let’s rock
All his boyfriends in the whole cell block
Watch Tommy do the Jailhouse Bop

Tommy called his lawyer on the telephone
Asked if Judge Pat Priest could just throw him a bone
Told him he was man-meat for the whole biker gang
Lawyer said, “Thank him that you weren’t sent to hang”
Let’s rock, come on Tommy let’s rock
All his boyfriends in the whole cell block
Watch Tommy do the Jailhouse Bop

Should be servin’ seven but he’s servin’ three
He’s the cutest jailbird they ever did see
Bubba is delighted with Tom’s company
“Come on and do the Jaihouse Bop with me!”
Let’s rock, come on Tommy let’s rock
All his boyfriends in the whole cell block
Watch Tommy do the Jailhouse Bop

(money laundering break)

Tom Delay was a sittin’ there upon the throne
Way over in the corner weepin’ all alone
Then Bubba said, “Hey Tommy you got pretty hair”
“Now let me hear you Winnie like a chestnut mare!”
Let’s rock, come on Tommy let’s rock
All his boyfriends in the whole cell block
Watch Tommy do the Jailhouse Bop

Shifty Henry said to Bugs, “For heaven’s sake”
“Is that really his hammer or is it fake?”
Bugsy said to Shifty, “Buddy don’t get sick”
“But hope Tom sticks around awhile performing tricks”
Let’s rock, come on Tommy let’s rock
All his boyfriends in the whole cell block
Watch Tommy do the Jailhouse Bop

As Predicted, Bristol Is Next To Flee Sinking S.S. Palin

Those smiles are now fading.

Yesterday, Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off commented upon Thomas Van Flein jumping from the “Good Ship Palin” to work as deputy chief of staff for newly elected Arizona Rep. Paul Gosar. It was noted that Van Flein’s quitting on the “Queen of Quit” was a devastating blow because not only was Van Flein one of only four members of her inner circle, he was also the only Alaskan in that clique. Van Flein realized that the Palin dingy was taking on water as evidenced by so many recent national polls which revealed that Julian Assange (Wikileaks founder) has a better chance of being elected President than Sarah Palin. Before going down with the ship, Van Flein sought the calmer and more temperate waters of Arizona. Today we learned that he was only the first to leave Sarah behind.

In yesterday’s post we speculated that daughter Bristol would be the next rat to flee the distressed Sarah Palin. Guess what? We were correct. The Maricopa Monitor (Arizona) reports today that , “Bristol Palin, the 20-year daughter of former GOP vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin, has purchased a 5-bedroom home in Maricopa — closing on the nearly 4,000-square-foot dwelling. Palin purchased the house from Michael and Cynthia Smith for $172,000, records show.”

What is it with Palin defectors and the state of Arizona? Could it be that the climate is that much more appealing or is it something else? Is there a Bristol/Van Flein fling that we don’t know about? Probably not, but with the wacky Palin’s, nothing is beyond speculation. Nevertheless, it is certain that Bristol is trying to separate herself from “Mama Grizzly” (can you blame her?). Their relationship is clearly strained. Remember when Sarah publicly made her feelings known about the short-lived Bristol/Levi reunion? Remember when Bristol took pot shots at her mother on “Dancing With The Stars” by choosing songs such as “Mama Told Me Not To Come” and “You Can’t Hurry Love”? It is only a matter of time before one of them writes her own version of “Mommie/Daughter Dearest”. The only question is, who will be the ghostwriter? Neither Sarah nor Bristol is very erudite after all.

Another question is just how will Bristol support herself and baby Tripp now that she has her new crib? It will be an awful long commute to her full time position at that doctor’s office up in Alaska that Sarah once boasted about. Also, that shell of a political consulting business never really found its legs. And, you cannot appear on reality television shows forever. Or can you? Who knows? Let’s wait for the Facebook announcement.

The more pressing question is, who will be the next rat to flee the sinking S.S. Palin? Is our Todd guess still in play. Only the Shadow knows.

Until we learn more, Lynnrockets wishes all of you loyal “Rocketeers” a very Merry Christmas.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s parody.

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TPAOBN4Pt-Y

HAVE YOURSELF A SARAH PALIN CHRISTMAS

(sung to the Christmas song “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”)

Sarah Palin is far away
She’s out making some cash
This is Sarah Palin’s pay day
Just how long will it last?

Have yourself a Sarah Palin Christmas
Wink and blink your eyes
Leave the bus
And fly your jet up in the skies

Have yourself a Sarah Palin Christmas
Sign books to get paid
Take that dough
From people that you have betrayed

These are not like the olden days
These are golden days for sure
You don’t have to travel by bus
On your marvelous book tour

Come next year
Things will be even better
You’re the cat’s meow
You’ll still have the SarahPAC as your cash cow
So have yourself a Sarah Palin Christmas now

(These are not like the olden days)
(These are golden days for sure)
You don’t have to travel by bus
On your marvelous book tour

Come next year
Things will be even better
You’re the cat’s meow
You’ll still have the SarahPAC as your cash cow
So have yourself a Sarah Palin Christmas now

Things We Learned About The Clampetts, Err Palins From DWTS

Bristol Palin is the Missing Link

Ding dong the witch is dead. We knew it could not go on forever. We knew that at some point Bristol Palin would be dumped from “Dancing With The Stars”. Just the same, we will miss the contestant that was a star only as the result of her status as being a former unwed pregnant teen. Bristol’s presence on the show gave the nation another point of contact with America’s most notorious reality television-based family. And we learned a number of things during her tenure such as…

  1. Sarah Palin is likely to get booed whenever she appears before an audience that has not been hand-picked and stocked full of Tea-Baggers;
  2. Bristol enjoyed publicly embarrassing “Mama Bear” by choosing songs that were thinly veiled insults at Sarah’s parenting skills (or lack thereof) and her unwed teen pregnancy (i.e. “Mama Told Me Not To Come” and “You Can’t Hurry Love”);
  3. Palinbots will game the system and support the Palin family in whatever endeavor they choose to pursue regardless of talent or taste;
  4. Bristol embraced the Palin-denied “Theory of Evolution” when she donned her anthropomorphic gorilla costume;
  5. Sarah Palin’s sex-obsession regarding her children has no limits, as was evidenced by her concern that Bristol might perform a stripper’s “lap dance” on national television;
  6. Bristol does not vote;
  7. Bristol believed that if she won the contest, “it would be like giving the big middle finger to the people that hate her mother” and her;
  8. Sarah thought that husband Todd would have been a better contestant on the show because ballroom dancing is apparently within his “comfort zone” but not Bristol’s; and
  9. Sarah was correct. Bristol cannot dance.

Bristol, we hardly knew ye. But fear not loyal Lynnrockets readers, we still have one Palin related reality show in progress and one more in the production stages. “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” is presently airing on TLC and consequently we will get a weekly dose of her invading the privacy of her neighbors (author/antagonist Joe McGinniss), lying about reading and researching and generally misinforming most Americans about the state of Alaska. Additionally, we can look forward to the insane antics of Levi Johnston as he runs for mayor of Wasilla before our very own television-peeping eyes. Perhaps Sarah will instruct Todd and his buddies to drill another spy hole through her fence so that she can keep track of her once and future son-in-law. Speaking of Track, how long will it be before the prodigal son gets his own reality show?

Stay tuned. Same Rocket channel! Same Rocket time!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Dancing Queen song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y62OlGvC-bk

DANCING QUEEN

(sung to the ABBA song “Dancing Queen”)

She can dance, she’ll connive, someday she’ll be Levi’s wife
(Ooooh)
Scheming girl, pregnant teen, she is the dancing queen

Not too bright and her sights set low
Stepping out just to earn some dough
Where they play right-wing music, sporting her new bling
Let’s pray that she don’t sing

Baby Tripp is right by her side
Sarah Palin mulls suicide
First Dude, he’s sure to lose it. Here comes Palin decline
There’ll be no second chance
Let’s all watch Bristol dance…

Bristol’s the dancing queen, two left feet, unwed pregnant teen
Dancing queen, seeking green from the cash machine
(Oh yeah)
She’ll enhance her sex drive, and prove that she is pro-life
(Ooooh)
Bristol girl, on TV, she is the dancing queen

She’s a teaser, she leads boys on
Never makes them put condoms on
She’s the unwed teen mother soon to make Baby Two
She loves to take a chance
Let’s all watch Bristol dance…

Bristol’s the dancing queen, two left feet, unwed pregnant teen
Dancing queen, indiscrete on the TV screen
(Oh yeah)
What’s the chance she’ll survive? Should have been gone by Round 5?
(Ooooh)
Bristol girl, on TV, she is the dancing queen
Bristol’s the dancing queen

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