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Failin’ Palin Gives Advice To Mitt(wit) Romney

The absurdity of the race that is “The Koch Brothers Flying Republican Nomination Circus” was on full display Saturday.

Sarah Palin decided to give advice to Mitt Romney. In an interview with CNN and The New York Times before her speech to the Conservative Political Action Conference in Washington, Palin said she was confused by Romney’s declaration here on Friday that he was a “severely conservative Republican.” “I wasn’t quite sure what the word ‘severely’ meant,” Palin said. The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska also said Romney needs to better explain his “shifts in ideology” (i.e. his 100s of flip-flops).

“You have to have the Tea Party patriots enthused and energized in order to win this nomination, and more importantly in order to defeat Barack Obama,” Palin argued.

Think about that for a moment. The woman who knows absolutely nothing about how to defeat Barack Obama is giving advice as to how to do so. Does Palin forget that she and John McCain were trounced by Barack Obama and Joe Biden in the 2008 election?

Sarah Palin, the reality television personality has nothing to offer in the form of advice regarding how to beat the man who so convincingly defeated her!

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

Crazy song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OVtpnpCOKM

CRAZY

(sung to the Patsy Cline song “Crazy”)

Crazy
Palin is chock-full of baloney
She’s crazy
Crazy and without a clue

We knew
She’s psychologically haunted
And that someday
She’d make her asylum debut

Sorry
She could be a guest on Maury
Wondrin’
How did she go so koo-koo

Oh, crazy
As crazy as her husband, First Dude
There’s no use denyin’
Cheatin’ and lyin’
Sarah’s crazy
We know it’s true

Crazy
We’re not sure if Palin’s sniffing glue
It seems like she’s flyin’
We’re not just implyin’
Sarah’s crazy
We know it’s true

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Sarah Palin Memorial Month Continues…

Now that Sarah Palin has quit once again and her rapid fade from relevance has commenced, we thought it might be fun to memorialize her by re-posting some of our favorite Palin-centric columns and song parodies from the past. Let’s raise our collective glasses and toast the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska! Ah, Sarah, we hardly knew ye!

This column was originally posted way back on August 27, 2009. It comments upon Sarah Palin’s annoying habit of scheduling speaking engagements and then backing out of them.

Unlike George W. Bush, Sarah Palin Is Not “The Decider”

Sarah Palin decides on "blue" as the color of her cell at the Wasilla Nervous HospitalPalin decides “blue” as her cell color at the Wasilla Nervous Hospital

Remember when George W. Bush said, “I’m the decider” at a presser shortly before he forced Donald Rumsfeld out as Secretary of Defense? In doing so, he coined a new phrase. Sarah Palin, the quitting ex-governor of Alaska might consider doing the same. Perhaps she could say, “I’m the non-decider.”

Seems that “Bewildered Barbie” has once again backed out of a speaking arrangement that she previously agreed to. The Alaskans For Parental Rights organization scheduled a public event for August 27, 2009 at the ChangePoint Church in Anchorage, Alaska. The printed announcement indicates that Palin will not only be present, but she will be the first person to sign the group’s petition regarding parental notification of teen abortions (see the announce ment, here). The announcement was widely distributed both electronically and in print form for weeks.

Sarah Palin’s spokesperson, Meg Stapleton said on August 26th however, that Palin will not appear at the event because she had never heard anything about it? Hmmm, does something smell a little fishy in Denmark? It should because Palin pulls these type of “I will be there” wait “No, I will not be there” stunts all of the time.

First there was the Republican Winter Meeting in D.C. when she backed out allegedly because she had official business to attend to in Alaska, but in actuality she instead attended the Alfalfa Club dinner in D.C. Next, there was the infamous CPAC Conference in which she cancelled her appearance at the last second because she claimed that she had never agreed to attend. This was followed by her “on again” “off again” keynote speaker engagement at the Republican Senate/House Fundraiser in which on two separate occasions, she agreed and then declined to be said speaker before finally being replaced by Newt Gingrich. Finally, there was her non-appearance at the Simi Valley (California) Republican Women’s Fundraiser in which she once again stated that she never agreed to attend.

Either Sarah Palin does not know how to read a calendar, or there is some truth to The Globe Magazine‘s allegation that she has suffered a nervous breakdown as the result of marital problems. Is she indecisive or is she locked away in the proverbial “nervous hospital”? Enquiring minds want to know.

Today’s song parody is a take-off on The Clash‘s 1984 hit, Should I Stay Or Should I Go? It just seems so fitting.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to not only familiarize yourselves with the tune, but to also have more fun singing along.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GqH21LEmfbQ

WILL I STAY OR WILL I GO

(sung to The Clash song, Should I Stay Or Should I Go)

(Whoo! – – – Allah!)

Sarah you gotta let us know
Will you stay or will you go?
Can you make it there on time?
Your speech begins at ten to nine
You just have to let us know,
Will you make it to the show?

It’s always me, me, me
Yes, we agree to pay your fee
If you have a nerve attack,
Will you agree to pay us back?
You’ll be there with “Plumber Joe”
Is it “yes” or is it “no” ?

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she comes, we’ll pay her double
But she might stay inside her bubble
So come on and let us know

Her poor decisions boggle me
Palin’s become a mockery
Why won’t the asylum set her free?
Is she confined under lock and key?
Come on and let us know,
Is she brain-dead or is it show?

(split)

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she’ll stir up trouble,
Or then her nerve pills might be doubled
We just hope that if she goes…
She pleases all the “Sixpack Joes”

Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she’ll stir up trouble,
And if she stays, laughs will be doubled
We just hope that if she goes
She wears some garish slutty clothes!!!

The Madcap CPAC Recap Continues…

Pamela Geller and Ann "The Man" Coulter". "Nuff said.

Pamela Geller (Buffy the Vampire Slayer?), one of the biggest critics of the so-called “Ground Zero Mosque” held an unofficial forum during the CPAC conference last weekend. The main focus of the forum was for the preview of the film “The Ground Zero Mosque: The Second Wave of The 9/11 Attacks.” Despite the film however, it was Geller’s bizarre remarks about the CPAC conference itself which drew the most attention.

Geller proclaimed that the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) has been “corrupted” and “compromised by Muslim Brotherhood activists.” Really Ms. Geller, we all understand that every single person at this annual gathering of radical right-wing nut-jobs felt compelled to say something about the recent Egyptian uprising, but to suggest that the conservative group has been infiltrated by the Muslim Brotherhood is simply over the top. She continued…

“If you look at the agenda of CPAC, look at all of the panels and then look at your daily news headlines, they’re either clueless or complicit,” Geller said. “And I’m telling you that before you throw the baby out with the bathwater. There are 12,000 people that come to this event that don’t know they’ve been completely sold out by CPAC leadership. We have to take CPAC back, you can’t create this again.”

Let’s go to the tape:

It is only a matter of time now before Pamela Geller appears on Fox News with Glenn Beck to spread this wildly sensational conspiracy theory. The chalkboards are certain to be burning with activity.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

American Woman song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnluciYGFXg

REPUBLICAN WOMEN

(sung to the Guess Who song “American Woman”)

Republican women they’ve all lost their minds
Republican women, they’ve really lost their minds
Republican women they’ve all lost their minds
Republican women they’ve all lost their minds

Say “R”, say “E”, say “P”
Say “L”, say “I”, say “C”
Say “A” “N”

Republican women they’ve all lost their minds
Republican women they’ve all lost their minds
Republican women they’ve all lost their minds

Republican women, stay away from me
Republican women, from the G.O.P.
You are someone I’ll just ignore
I don’t wanna see your face no more
I got more important things to do
And I will never be sold on you

Now women, I said stay away

Republican women, listen what I say

Republican women, have no dignity
Republican women, and their tea-parties
Like I told you the time before
Michele Bachmann is just a bore
Mann Coulter I do despise
Malkin has a lazy eye
Now women, I said get away
Republican women, listen what I say

Republican women, it’s clear as day
Republican women, they’re no Tina Fey
Talk about defending our shores
Their husbands prefer time with whores
Jean Schmidt always makes a scene
Sarah Palin thinks she’s queen
Mary Matalin’s hypnotized
Ingraham’s mouth is super-sized
Now women, from the G.O.P.
Republican women, mama let me be

Go, gotta get away, gotta get away
Now go go go
Gonna leave you, women
Gonna leave you, women
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
Bye-bye
You’re no good for me
I’m no good for you
Gonna look you right in the eye.
Tell you what I’m gonna do
You know I’m gonna leave
You know I’m gonna go
You know I’m gonna leave
You know I’m gonna go, women
I’m gonna leave, women
Goodbye, Republican women

Mitt “Personal Mandate” Romney Avoids “Health Reform” Topic At CPAC

The man who is the author of the nation’s new health care reform law and the creator of the “personal mandate” which requires all persons to purchase health insurance was silent on that topic at the CPAC conference last weekend. Mitt(wit) Romney, the former Governor of Massachusetts and presently one of the front-runners for the GOP 2012 nomination for President, gave a lengthy speech at the Conservative Political Action Conference last weekend which was heavy in criticism of President Obama, but failed to address the rallying-cry of all conservatives – health care reform repeal. Nobody in attendance could help but notice the 8oo pound gorilla in the room.

Romney stressed the economy in his speech. He thumped his chest and said, “Let me make this very clear. If I decide to run for president, it won’t take me two years to wake up to the job crisis threatening America. And I won’t be asking Timothy Geithner how the economy works or Larry Summers how to start a business. I know.’’ He mentioned the word “organic” twice in reference to Michelle Obama’s diet initiatives and he compared the Obama administration to those of European nations. Still he failed to mention that topic that every other conservative speaker highlighted. Indeed, Tim (Good ‘n) Pawlenty mentioned the personal mandate twice in the first four minutes of his speech. Each time he received a standing ovation.

You see, Mitt Romney has a lot of ‘splainin’ to do with conservatives when it comes to health care reform and he is not prepared for it. He was the nation’s biggest supporter of the personal mandate when he signed it into law as the Governor of Massachusetts back in 2006. Let’s watch him applaud its virtues shortly after it became law:

Let’s watch Romney defend the personal mandate once again while running for President in 2008:

Salon.com summed things up nicely when they said:

When it comes to healthcare, his hypocrisy is particularly galling. Romney is actually the only governor in American history ever to impose an individual health insurance mandate on his citizens. And an individual mandate, of course, is at the heart of Obama’s reform package. Nor is the mandate the only common ground between RomneyCare and ObamaCare; the Massachusetts plan that Romney signed into law in 2006 is essentially the blueprint for Obama’s plan. Both rely on the same basic formula: a requirement that everyone purchase insurance and government assistance for those who can’t afford it.

Indeed, Romney often went so far as to suggest that the Massachusetts health reform law with personal mandate should be the model for a nationwide health reform law. That is however, before he flip-flopped and changed his mind as he has on almost every issue he has ever campaigned on. Now that President Obama has enacted just such a law (which is the mirror image of the Massachusetts law), Romney claims that it is “an unconscionable abuse of power”. He claims such a law is good for the states, but not for the nation. Yet, he offers no support for such a contention. In fact, inasmuch as the federal government actually pays half the costs incurred by the Massachusetts law, it appears that Romney’s new take is that Romney/Obama/Care is great at the state level so long as the federal government pays for it. His is a foolish argument in favor of the sanctity of state’s rights and conservatives are not likely to drink Romney’s Kool-Aid.

Mitt Romney will continue to be a front-runner for the GOP nomination for President in 2012 until the primary debate season. At that time the other Republican candidates, in an attempt to ride the Tea Party wave, will hammer him on the issue of health care. Romney will be forced to either defend his Massachusetts law and alienate conservatives or embrace health care repeal and reinforce the argument that he is a flip-flopper on important issues. Neither choice is very attractive.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more singing along with today’s topical, song parody. Please enjoy!

Flipper theme song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sH48uuofr60

FLIP-MITT

(sung to the TV theme of “Flipper)

They call him Flip-Mitt, Flip-Mitt, his change of mind, frightening,
That Mitt Romney;  No veracity,
And we know Flip-Mitt, just loves to steal his own thunder,
Mind gone asunder; flip-flop does he!

Everyone knows, dear ol’ Mitt Romney
Changes his mind oh, so frequently,
Changes his views to impress his peers,
Says anything to induce cheers

They call him Flip-Mitt, Flip-Mitt, in need of enlightening,
No one you see, is impressed with he,
And we know Flip-Mitt and his cronies must all wonder,
Just how he blunders effortlessly.

Ann Coulter Confirms He Is A Crazy-Man At CPAC

First off, Lynnrockets would like to wish a HAPPY VALENTINES DAY to all you Rocketeers. Now let’s get to the news…

Ann Coulter is one strange man. This guy has been hanging around the political world for far too long and at this point he should simply be ignored. He has lately been relegated to the back bench of conservative politics and for good reason. His columns have been dropped from many newspapers and the only place he can be found on television is the propaganda network known as Fox News. He is now pretty much irrelevant to any serious political discussion.. If it were not for CPAC, he would no longer have any audience at all.

No serious Republican or conservative cares the least what Coulter has to say any longer. He is merely a man of yesterday. He bullies his way with his big adams apple and big hands into conservative circles but even those neanderthals are too embarrassed to have him hang around for too long. Honestly, let’s look at his recent history. He is the guy that said that Jews need to be perfected. He also said that the Canadians fought along-side us in Viet Nam. Remember the time that he called John Edwards a faggot? Yikes, talk about the pot calling the kettle black! Ever watch him prance around on Fox News wearing his tight fitting dresses? This guy is so embarrassing that I am guessing that there is a couple somewhere in Connecticut that wishes that they exercised there freedom of choice and aborted this guy before he could incite all the hatred that he has brought on this country.

His CPAC appearance last weekend was just more of the same. It is all over-the-top rhetoric with no substantive basis. For instance he said, “Here’s a lesson of history: Do not allow Democrats anywhere near foreign policy. Not even to keep them away from domestic policy. It’s a mistake to ask those who don’t even like democracy to defend it.” On what basis can he support the ridiculous statement that Democrats do not like democracy? None. He then revised history by claiming, “Liberals could not have been less interested in democracy when we were taking out the guy who gassed his neighbors…when we went to take out Saddam Hussein.” Notice how he failed to mention that the Bush administration’s justification for invading Iraq was to find those non-existent weapons of mass destruction and not to nation build.

Then for some reason he started talking about gay conservatives. He said, “I would like gays to be part of conservatism just the way women are without there being a special designation for it, that’s what I’d prefer.” Then he said, “The left is trying to co-opt gays and I don’t think we should let them, they should be on our side.” He concluded by saying that he and gays have a lot “a lot in common”. He added, “We like the same music, we like the same cocktails, and we like a lot of the same men.” Maybe there is even another reason that he is not so comfortable talking about. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge!

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

Lola song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVXmMMSo47s

COULTER

(sung to the Kinks song “Lola”)

I saw her once last week on the Fox network
Where the hosts are lame and the guests are worse like Ann Coulter
She is a revolter
A big Adam’s Apple and masculine hands
She has the curves of a flagpole and a set of big huge molars
M-o-l-a molars mo-mo-mo-mo molars

Well I’m not the world’s most perceptive bloke
But she is a lady that I wouldn’t dare poke
That Ann Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter
Well I’m not dumb but I can’t understand
Why she walks like a woman but looks like a man
That Ann Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter

Well she sat right next to Hannity
And then was on Bill O’Reilly
They saw mascara on her eyes so blue
But I swear those guys didn’t have a damn clue
Well I don’t know if they are into men
But the next night on Fox she was on there again that Ann Coulter
Co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter
Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter

I changed the station
M-S-N-B-C
Re-luct-ant-ly
I then turned back to Fox
Then I was convinced she was a he

Well I don’t know what ol Rush Limbaugh thinks
But I like women when they don’t have dinks like Ann Coulter’s
Co-co-co-co Coulter’s
She says that her wisdom sells her books
It’s gotta be somethin’ cuz it ain’t her good looks that Ann Coulter
Co-co-co-co Coulter

I took a closer look at Hannity
Now I’m not really so sure that he’s not a she
But this might be the Republican way
A sex change is good cuz then you’re not gay

Well I’m not the world’s most masculine man
But I’m never gonna take it right up the can
From no Mann Coulter
Co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter
Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter co-co-co-co Coulter

Ann Coulter is a disease that needs to be cured.

Unlike George W. Bush, Sarah Palin Is Not “The Decider”

Sarah Palin decides on "blue" as the color of her cell at the Wasilla Nervous Hospital

Palin decides "blue" as her cell color at the Wasilla Nervous Hospital

Remember when George W. Bush said, “I’m the decider” at a presser shortly before he forced Donald Rumsfeld out as Secretary of Defense? In doing so, he coined a new phrase. Sarah Palin, the quitting ex-governor of Alaska might consider doing the same. Perhaps she could say, “I’m the non-decider.”

Seems that “Bewildered Barbie” has once again backed out of a speaking arrangement that she previously agreed to. The Alaskans For Parental Rights organization scheduled a public event for August 27, 2009 at the ChangePoint Church in Anchorage, Alaska. The printed announcement indicates that Palin will not only be present, but she will be the first person to sign the group’s petition regarding parental notification of teen abortions (see the announce ment, here). The announcement was widely distributed both electronically and in print form for weeks.

Sarah Palin’s spokesperson, Meg Stapleton said on August 26th however, that Palin will not appear at the event because she had never heard anything about it? Hmmm, does something smell a little fishy in Denmark? It should because Palin pulls these type of “I will be there” wait “No, I will not be there” stunts all of the time.

First there was the Republican Winter Meeting in D.C. when she backed out allegedly because she had official business to attend to in Alaska, but in actuality she instead attended the Alfalfa Club dinner in D.C. Next, there was the infamous CPAC Conference in which she cancelled her appearance at the last second because she claimed that she had never agreed to attend. This was followed by her “on again” “off again” keynote speaker engagement at the Republican Senate/House Fundraiser in which on two separate occasions, she agreed and then declined to be said speaker before finally being replaced by Newt Gingrich. Finally, there was her non-appearance at the Simi Valley (California) Republican Women’s Fundraiser in which she once again stated that she never agreed to attend.

Either Sarah Palin does not know how to read a calendar, or there is some truth to The Globe Magazine‘s allegation that she has suffered a nervous breakdown as the result of marital problems. Is she indecisive or is she locked away in the proverbial “nervous hospital”? Enquiring minds want to know.

Today’s song parody is a take-off on The Clash‘s 1984 hit, Should I Stay Or Should I Go? It just seems so fitting.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to not only familiarize yourselves with the tune, but to also have more fun singing along.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GqH21LEmfbQ

WILL I STAY OR WILL I GO

(sung to The Clash song, Should I Stay Or Should I Go)

(Whoo! – – – Allah!)

Sarah you gotta let us know
Will you stay or will you go?
Can you make it there on time?
Your speech begins at ten to nine
You just have to let us know,
Will you make it to the show?

It’s always me, me, me
Yes, we agree to pay your fee
If you have a nerve attack,
Will you agree to pay us back?
You’ll be there with “Plumber Joe”
Is it “yes” or is it “no” ?

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she comes, we’ll pay her double
But she might stay inside her bubble
So come on and let us know

Her poor decisions boggle me
Palin’s become a mockery
Why won’t the asylum set her free?
Is she confined under lock and key?
Come on and let us know,
Is she brain-dead or is it show?

(split)

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she’ll stir up trouble,
Or then her nerve pills might be doubled
We just hope that if she goes…
She pleases all the “Sixpack Joes”

Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she’ll stir up trouble,
And if she stays, laughs will be doubled
We just hope that if she goes
She wears some garish slutty clothes!!!