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Lynnrockets’ Political Oscar Night Recap

John Boehner thanks the Academy

What with all the attention focused on Hollywood last night, you might not have noticed that the City of Boston held the 235th annual Political Oscars. The storied event was held on the U.S.S. Constitution (Old Ironsides) in Boston Harbor so that the Tea Partiers in the audience would feel at home. Prior to the ceremony, the nominees were paraded along the famous Freedom Trail past such historic sites as America’s first voucher-less public school, Paul Revere’s home, the site of the Boston Massacre and the Bunker Hill Monument. As they boarded Old Ironsides, they were pelted with tea-bags before they took their seats on the poop-deck. The event was not widely seen on television because all of America’s lamestream media networks were covering the “other” more popular pageant in LA. Thankfully, Al Jazeera did cover the event.

And the winners were…

Best Female Violent Rhetoric: Failed Nevada Republican Senate candidate Sharron “2nd Amendment Remedies” Angle

– Runner-up: Reality TV host Sarah Palin – “It’s time to reload”

Best Male Violent Rhetoric: Fox News host and self-described “rodeo clown” Glenn Beck who said, “I want to kill Charlie Rangel with a shovel”

– Runner-up: Failed Arizona Republican Congressional candidate Jesse Kelly who, while running against Gabrielle Giffords, held a fund-raising event that was advertised as “Help remove Gabrielle Giffords from office. Shoot a fully automatic M16 with Jesse Kelly”

Best Female Fictitious Memoir: Reality TV host Sarah Palin for her “America By Heart” wherein the self-professed founding fathers-lover wrote, on page 189,  about the opinions of Founding Father John Adams, including his famous quotation, “we have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion.”   Her mistake is not in her analysis of the importance of faith to John Adams.  No, her error came in claiming that he had been a “leading participant at the Constitutional Convention.” The reality is that John Adams did not participate in the Constitutional Convention. He was Ambassador to Great Britain at the time.

– Runner-up: Condoleeza Rice’s “Extraordinary, Ordinary People” because it fails to mention a single thing about the run-up to the invasion of iraq.

Best Male Fictitious Memoir: George W. Bush who quoted in “Decision Points”, Gerhard Schröder (then German Chancellor),  as having said of the run-up to the Iraq invasion, “What is true of Afghanistan is true of Iraq. Nations that sponsor terror must face consequences. If you make it fast and make it decisive, I will be with you.” Bush then wrote, “I took that as a statement of support. But when the German election arrived later that year, Schröder had a different take. He denounced the possibility of force against Iraq.” Schröder however has had this to say about Bush, “Just as I did during my subsequent meetings with the American president, I made it clear that, should Iraq … prove to have provided protection and hospitality to al-Qaida fighters, Germany would reliably stand beside the US. This connection, however, as it became clear during 2002, was false and constructed.”

– Runner-up: Donald Rumsfeld’s “Known and Unknown” in which he wrote, “Powell was not duped or misled by anybody. Nor did he lie about Saddam’s suspected WMD stockpiles. The president did not lie. The vice president did not lie. (CIA Director George) Tenet did not lie. Rice did not lie. I did not lie. . . . The far less dramatic truth is that we were wrong.” ‘Nuff said.

Best Republican Propaganist (TV): Fox News

Best Republican Propagandist (Radio): Rush Limbaugh

Best Tan: Republican Speaker of the House, John Boehner (pronounced “boner”)

– Runner-up: President Barack Obama

Most Creepy Sex Scandal: Todd “First Dude” Palin for having sex with the same prostitute that wife Sarah Palin frequented for massages

– Runner-up: Former married GOP Rep. Chris Lee from New York for posting an eerie shirtless Craigslist ad allegedly searching for both female and transsexual sex partners

Biggest Lie Of The Year 2010: PolitiFact editors and reporters have chosen “government takeover of health care” as the 2010 Lie of the Year. Said Jonathan Oberlander, a professor of health policy at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill:  “The label ‘government takeover” has no basis in reality, but instead reflects a political dynamic where conservatives label any increase in government authority in health care as a ‘takeover.’ ”

– Runner-up: Moonbat-crazy Teapublican Rep. Michele Bachmann’s (MN) claim that Obama was going to spend $200 million a day on a trip to India.

Most Racist State: Arizona, for its unconstitutional “Show me your papers” law

State Which Spends Least Per Pupil On Education: Arizona

Highest Profile Employer of Illegal Immigrants: Failed GOP gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman of California

– Runner-up: Failed GOP presidential candidate Mitt(wit) Romney of Massachusetts

Most Chaste Politician: Failed GOP senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell of Delaware who does not masturbate

– First runner-up: Former ex-quitting half-term Republican governor of Alaska Sarah Palin who’s husband allegedly gets his action from her masseuse

– Second Runner-up: Bristol Palin, the former unwed pregnant teen and single mother who now preaches abstinence

Most Unlikely Presidential Candidate: Republican Donald Trump who would lead this nation out of the worst economic downturn since the great depression with the knowledge and skill he acquired after having filed for bankruptcy on at least four occasions

– Runner-up: Sarah Palin, who said on her failed un-reality television program that she’d rather be in Alaska “than in some stuffy old political office.”

It was a truly memorable night and after all the awards were handed out, the winners and runner-ups all accompanied Master of Ceremonies Charley Sheen down to Boston’s notorious red-light district “The Combat Zone” for more fun and frolic!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

God Bless The U.S.A. song link:


(sung to the Lee Greenwood song “God Bless The U.S.A.”)

If tomorrow all my brains were gone
And I was just plant life
With a feeding tube shoved in
Against the wishes of my wife
I’d thank my lucky stars the G.O.P. had their way
And curtailed my family’s freedom
Made them watch me waste away

Boy, I’m proud to be a Republican
Like Huckabee and Romney
And I won’t forget Glenn Beck who cried
Right there on Fox TV
Cuz they’ll gladly stand up next to you
And berate your union pay
I just love those hate filled flames they fan
They hate the U.S.A.

Bachmann hates in Minnesota
Alaska has Sarah P.
Rick Perry down in Texas
They’re in the Tea Party
Not Detroit nor in Boston
Too liberal, black and gay
There’s no soul in any Republican heart
And they love it just that way

Yes, I’m proud to be a Republican
Just like Rush and Hannity
And I love the facts they do deny
Right there on Fox TV
And I’ll gladly stand up next to you
And castigate Tina Fey
Cuz I never doubt those Red State men
No matter what they say

Oh, I’m proud to be a Republican
As I sit here sipping tea
Palin’s “death panels” can’t be denied
They say on Fox TV
Sarah sends a Twitter –  text to you
Six or seven times a day
It’s Republicans that love this land
In our per-ver-ted way!

Lynnrockets’ Presidents’ Day Perceptions

Boston Winter Twilight

Aside from the noteworthy Wisconsin labor protests, the GOP’s threat to shut down the government and the numerous worldwide uprisings, things have been pretty quiet in the political world of late. By that, we mean that there have not been any new salacious stories of Republican misconduct along the lines of John Boehner’s alleged affair with a lobbyist, Todd “First Dude” Palin’s alleged affair with a prostitute, Scott “Centerfold” Brown’s sex abuse or Christopher Lee’s topless Craigslist solicitations for the last few days. Things may heat-up soon however, as Congress takes its week long Presidents’ Day recess. After all, nothing prompts a “family values” conservative politician to participate in scandalous behavior moreso than time-off from work. By the way, why is it that Congress gets a week off for Presidents’ “DAY” while the rest of us are lucky to get the day off?

All that being said, Lynnrockets would like to take this slow news-day opportunity to bring you Rocketeers up to speed on what has been happening up here in Rocketland of late. If you are not out buying a new car, please pour your favorite warm beverage, kick your feet up and linger here a little while.

As I sit here early this morning watching a soft snow fall over the Boston skyline, I am reminded of the winters of my childhood. As I look back to my days as a young boy, I have a vision of winter as being a never-ending snow-filled holiday. My fond, but nostalgia-shaded memories of those late 1960’s/early 1970’s winters are of seasons of daily light snowfall which kept the street-lining snowbanks and drifts a marshmallow-like powdery white and not the black and soot covered glaciers of my adult years. Luckily, this winter season in Boston has reflected those halcyon days. We are on pace to have one of our snowiest seasons on record (global climate change at work?). Consequently, the glistening whiteness has been restored quite regularly. There have been many snow days and this generation of young children has restored my faith a bit as they have somehow torn themselves away from video-games to enjoy sledding and tubing like so many of those before them. Even my canine pal Marley (Weimaraner) seems to relish the endless opportunities to run along the snow-covered beach and bury her snout in her backyard drifts. As I glance out the window of my study this morning and see those slow-falling dime-sized flakes, I try to take a mental snap-shot of the type of New England winter that sometimes only lives in story-books and memories. Who knows how long it will be before we Bostonians are blessed with another season like this? In the meantime, this warm, nostalgic feeling is comforting.

Those of you that may have read this blog for sometime know that I am an avid sports fan. My favorite sport is hockey (that is ice hockey to you Southerners) yet my favorite sports franchise is football’s Green Bay Packers. I am thrilled that they have just won their 13th NFL championship, the most of any franchise. They are the Montreal Canadiens, New York Yankees (boy, I hate to mention them) and Boston Celtics of pro-sports. More impressive than their championships however, is the fact that they hail from the smallest city (pop. 102,313) of any pro-franchise in any sport and they are publicly owned by a group of regular working-class stiffs. There is no billionaire owner (ala Jerry Jones) simply using his vast wealth to buy championships for his team which he treats like a shiny toy. No, the Packers truly are the team of the people. They are the only authentic “America’s Team”. I am even more proud of the players and the franchise after they publicly sided with the rank and file union workers of Wisconsin last week. In a letter directed to union-busting Teapublican Governor, Scott Walker  they wrote,

We know that it is teamwork on and off the field that makes the Packers and Wisconsin great. As a publicly owned team we wouldn’t have been able to win the Super Bowl without the support of our fans.

It is the same dedication of our public workers every day that makes Wisconsin run. They are the teachers, nurses and child care workers who take care of us and our families. But now in an unprecedented political attack Governor Walker is trying to take away their right to have a voice and bargain at work.

The right to negotiate wages and benefits is a fundamental underpinning of our middle class. When workers join together it serves as a check on corporate power and helps ALL workers by raising community standards. Wisconsin’s long-standing tradition of allowing public sector workers to have a voice on the job has worked for the state since the 1930s. It has created greater consistency in the relationship between labor and management and a shared approach to public work.

These public workers are Wisconsin’s champions every single day, and we urge the governor and the State Legislature to not take away their rights.

Let’s hear it for the champions of both the playing-field and the working-class.

As for my favorite sport, it is this late winter period when things pick-up. Presently, my Boston Bruins are in first place in the Northeast Division of the NHL which secures them a third place seed in the Eastern Conference for the time being. This week they acquired highly skilled defenceman Tomas Kaberle from the Toronto Maple Leafs (aka “Make Believes”) in an attempt to gear-up for the playoffs. I can only hope that this move helps them avoid another devastating playoff loss this season. I still have a bad taste in my mouth from last year’s playoff loss to the hated Philadelphia Flyers after having had a 3-0 game advantage and a 3-0 lead in the seventh and deciding game. Yukk!

My former college team, the Bowdoin College Polar Bears have captured the fifth seed in the NESCAC (New England Small College Athletic Conference) playoffs with a 15-7-1 record. They are presently ranked 12th in the Division II/III national rankings. GO U BEARS! By the way, they are called the Polar Bears not because the school is way up north in Maine, but because the men that first traveled to the North Pole, Robert E. Peary (class of 1877) and Robert S. MacMillan (class of 1898) were Bowdoin graduates. It is also interesting to note that the college’s Peary-MacMillan Arctic Museum is the only museum in the United States dedicated completely to Arctic Studies.

My old high-school hockey teams are thriving also. The St. Mary’s (Lynn, MA) Spartans boys hockey team captured the Division I Catholic Central League title with a record of 12-5-3. They are awaiting their seeding for the Division I state tournament which will be announced next Saturday. More impressive than that however is the girls team. The Lady Spartans finished the regular season in first place with a 17-0-3 record and the number one seed in the state tournament. Over the last number of seasons the team has compiled an undefeated streak of 96 games and counting. They have won four Division I state championships since 2005 including the last three in a row and are well on their way to another. Standout goaltender Sarah Foss was featured in Sports illustrated‘s “Faces In The Crowd” last week.

Now, back to Lynnrockets news. Some of you may remember that Lynnrockets won the contest to be the liberal blogger for Boston’s largest talk radio station, WRKO. Indeed, you Rocketeers were instrumental in securing the win by means of your Palinesque stuffing of the ballot box. Well, after a number of meetings with the station brass concerning employment and contract issues, I am pleased to announce that I will be appearing on the station’s website ( beginning on or around March 1, 2011. Please stop by on occasion to say hello. Do not worry, Blast-Off is not going anywhere. This blog will remain my blogging priority.

Lynnrockets wishes all of you a healthy Presidents’ Day! See you tonight or tomorrow with some political commentary as soon as something noteworthy happens.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s rather personal song parody.

I Write The Songs song link:


(sung to the Barry Manilow song “I Write The Songs”)

I sling the jive whenever,
I sit down and scribble a song
I put the words and Republicans together
I love music,
And I love these songs

I write the songs that I hope you folks sing
I write the songs to dethrone G.O.P. kings
I write the songs that expose all their lies
I write the songs, I write the songs

I’m from a state that’s deep blue,
And we make a damned good lobster roll
No, there aren’t many right wing guys
There’s some but then, all of them are very old

I write the songs that attack the right wing
I write the songs that I hope linger and sting
I write the songs that prompt Glenn Beck to cry
I write the songs, I write the songs

Oh, I’ll take a hostile stance
When Limbaugh begins to rave and rant
And I’ll lead you to a poll, he can’t disprove
Palin has no heart,
So, I will tear her life apart
Hannity, Coulter too,
Also, too, O’Reilly
None of them can hide from me !!!

I write the songs about Mark Sanford’s flings
I write the songs about Larry Craig’s stings
I write the songs about Mark Foley’s guys
I write the songs, I write the songs

I write the songs about Joe Wilson’s slings
I write the songs of Vitter’s diapery things
I write the songs about all of those guys
I write the songs, I write the songs

I love music, so I write these songs