Just a few noteworthy news satellites that have been careening around the blogosphere this week.
BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Why Am I Not Surprised?” features Arizona state senator Russell Pearce who authored his state’s newly enacted racist immigrant law. Crooks and Liars has revealed that Senator Pearce is rather chummy with a guy named J.T. Ready, who also happens to be one of Arizona’s leading neo-Nazis. “May I see your papers, please?”
THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Rush To Judgment” features who else but Rush Limbaugh. Media Matters reports, “With a controversial immigration bill signed into law in Arizona and President Obama’s call ‘to make sure that the young people, African-Americans, Latinos, and women who powered our victory in 2008 stand together once again,’ it was little wonder that Rush would have a particularly racially charged show today (April 26th). Limbaugh pointed out that Obama didn’t specifically call on Democrats to ‘reconnect with white people’ and took off from there. Discussing the campaign video, Rush said, ‘This is the regime at its racist best,’ and that Obama ‘has purposely come to divide people” on racial lines’.”
BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Boy, Do I Hope She Is Right” features Democratic Party candidate Tarryl Clark who is running against moonbat-crazy Republican Michele Bachmann for the US Senate. Of Bachmann, Clark said, “She’ll still be on Fox News after I defeat her”. Let’s hope so.
THIS JUST IN: In a rare weekly twofer, this week’s episode of “Welcome To The Alternative Universe” also features right wing radio comedian, Rush Limbaugh. Limbaugh’s understanding of the world which surrounds him is so distorted that this week he announced that the oil spill catastrophe in the Gulf was actually the fault of environmentalists and the Obama Administration. Yes, you read that correctly. He claimed that the initial explosion and fire at the rig was caused by explosives planted by environmentalists and then he blamed the resulting environmentally disastrous effects upon the federal government’s failure to step in sooner with remediation methods. Of course Limbaugh laid no blame upon the foreign BP corporation for failing to safeguard its own rig from malfunction, for downplaying the significance of its massive malfunction for nearly a week and for balking at assuming the costs of remediation. Rush Limbaugh is simply a propagandist buffoon.
BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Boycott For Change” features the thousands upon thousands of American citizens that have elected to boycott the State of Arizona so long as its recently enacted racial profiling inspired anti immigrant law remains in effect. Conventions, hotel bookings and vacations galore to Arizona have been canceled or moved to other states in the last week by socially conscious Americans who can smell a stink when it stinks. Bravo!
THIS JUST IN: Here is a little poem about Sarah Palin. Remember when “shrill baby, shrill” proclaimed on her “hill baby, hill” that we should “drill baby, drill” with no worry of “spill baby, baby spill”?
BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Another One Bites the Dust” features Florida Governor Charlie Crist. As the result of of poor polling numbers against conservative Republican challenger Marco “Polo” Rubio, the moderate Republican Crist has elected to ditch the G.O.P. and run as an Independent ala Joe “Say It Ain’t So” Lieberman. The Republican herd is thinning by natural selection.
THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “I couldn’t Have Said It Better Myself” features Bill Maher who this week twittered, “Every asshole who ever chanted ‘Drill Baby Drill’ should have to report to the Gulf Coast today for cleanup duty”.
BREAKING NEWS: In a very rare threepeat, this week’s episode of ” The Next Time You Say Something, Try To Have A Point” features who else but Rush Limbaugh. In response to former President Bill Clinton saying “right-wing, radio talk-show hosts” kept people in “white heat” nearly 15 years ago before the deadly Oklahoma City bombing, and warning against similar anger in the age of Obama, Limbaugh says, the Clinton and the Obama “regime” are the ones that have “set the stage for violence.” he also says,”Bill Clinton … just gave the kooks out there an excuse to be violent. He just offered them an opportunity to be violent.” Huh? Has Limbaugh now modeled his ability to reason on that of Sarah Palin?
By the way Rush, when is your big move to Costa Rica?
In honor of Rush Limbaugh’s triple inclusion in today’s blog post it seems appropriate to feature him in today’s song parody. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s parody.
Mockingbird song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeOqD3uMIRs&feature=related
(sung to the Carly Simon/James Taylor song “Mockingbird”)
Talk (yeah) ing (yeah) turd (yeah)
Now, everybody sure has heard
Rush Limbaugh the big fat talking turd
That loudmouth talking turd is king
Of all those racists in the right-wing
But those in the right-wing front line
Are busy planning for their next hate crime
And that’s why I keep on tellin’ everybody
Say yeah, yeah whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh
Hear me now and understand
Rush lives only to hate and malign
And if ratings decline someday
Limbaugh will spread hate in another way
And if that other way makes dough
He’ll ride with the tide and go with the flow
And that’s why I keep on shoutin’ in your ear
Say yeah, yeah whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh
Now, everyone should doubt his word
Rush Limbaugh is just a talking turd
And when that talking turd does sing
We can tell he’s just a ding-a-ling
And when that ding-a-ling just whines
Yes, Republicans will still think he shines
And there’s a reason why I keep on tellin’ everybody
Say yeah, yeah no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
Listen now and understand
Rush Limbaugh surely has lost his mind
And though he drugged his mind away
The right-wing nuts still listen everyday
Like Sarah Palin and that Plumber, Joe
He’s a dead fish that just “goes with the flow”
And that’s the reason why he keeps on spreadin’ all that fear
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, now, now, baby
BREAKING NEWS: Meg Whitman, the former CEO of Ebay and current Republican candidate for governor of California has seldom voted in any elections since 1979. Now there is an involved Republican for you. She appears to be just what California needs.
THIS JUST IN: Sen. John McCain is co-hosting a fundraiser for his former 2008 Republican primary rival Mitt Romney next Wednesday in Phoenix. Hmm, wonder if he will be doing the same for Sarah Palin some day?
BREAKING NEWS: Former Hewlett-Packard CEO, Carly Fiorina (R) plans to announce her candidacy for senator of California. CNN reports however, that her website leaves a lot to be desired. “It’s the most singularly awful political website I have ever seen, and I am including all the old, basic HTML websites that were the rage 10 years ago,” conservative blogger John Hawkins of the site RightWingNews.com said in an e-mail to CNN. “Why not toss in G.I. Joe vs. Cobra, Ninjas vs. Pirates, and Kennedy versus Kruschev if it’s going to be a goofy joke? There’s very little information on it to appeal to voters.”
THIS JUST IN: Lou Dobbs has reported that he is upset that a latin television station will include a storyline in one of its soap operas that is designed to lessen people’s fear of U.S. census takers. Dobbs said, “Well, fans–if you like that, you’re going to love this. Fans of telenovellas on Spanish-language television could soon be seeing more than they tuned in for as well. The Telemundo network, owned by NBC, will incorporate a story line in a popular soap opera to promote the U.S. Census. That’s right. They’re going to put that into a storyline. It is part of an Obama administration plan to make sure the Latino population is fully counted next year. Ines Ferre with our report.” Is it just me, or does it make perfect sense that the census should be made as accurate as possible. Lou Dobbs is a moron if he believes that we should strive for an inaccurate census.
BREAKING NEWS: Tom Delay’s effeminate dancing on Dancing With The Stars should ensure that he has a lot of nice new friends when he goes to prison.
THIS JUST IN: The Tea-Bagger laden Red State of Georgia is angry with the federal government once again. This time they are not complaining about excessive taxation or excessive federal bailout funds. No, this time they are complaining that they are not receiving enough federal funds as the result of last week’s flooding. That’s right, the Tea-Bagging State of Georgia now wants a federal handout. Don’t you just love the irony?
BREAKING NEWS: A new New York Times/CBS News poll conducted September 19-23, 2009 reveals that not only do a majority of Americans favor the government offering a federally funded health care plan like Medicare for everyone, but they favor it overwhelmingly. the poll reveals that such a plan is favored by 65% of the respondents, while it is opposed by a mere 26%. So much for the Republicans and their Tea-Bagger minions that believe that they represent the interests of most Americans.
THIS JUST IN: Florida’s Republican governor, Charlie Crist said on Saturday that He believes that president Barack Obama will be ousted from office in 2012 just as Jimmy Carter was in 1980. It would appear however, that Governor Crist has failed to look at the most recent polls which have Obama’s popularity rating once again in the high 50’s. In fact, they are higher than Crist’s favorables in Florida. Perhaps it is Crist that will next be ousted.
BREAKING NEWS: Last week, the FBI arrested three men in connection with a terrorist bomb plot in the United States. The men had been under surveillance by both the federal agency and the New York City police. Good police work seems to have cracked the case. Nobody was tortured. By all accounts, the joint investigation and arrests were a success. Will Republicans give the Obama administration credit for foiling the plot and capturing those responsible or will thay still insist that he is weak on terrorism? It is interesting to note that to this date since Obama’s election, there have been no terrorist attacks on U.S. soil and several plots have been subdued by arrest. By this date in George W. Bush’s tenure, the largest terrorist attack in the history of the United States had taken place and claimed over 3000 lives. Hmmm.
THIS JUST IN: Today’s burning question is, just who is it that we can hear chanting, “We’re number 4 !, We’re number 4 !”? Who else, it is former quitting ex-governor of Alaska Sarah Palin’s very own BFF and all around handler, Meg Stapleton. Yes folks, she is trying to find some positive spin on the recently released conservative Christian voters’ Value Summit straw poll in which she finished in fourth place behind Mike Huckabee (Hound), Mitt(wit) Romney and Tim (Good’n) Pawlenty.
In response to a recent request here is a Sarah Palin parody of Doris Day’s wonderful, Que Sera Sera…
Here is a link to click upon in order to familiarize yourself with the tune: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZbKHDPPrrc
HEY SARAH, SARAH
(sung to the Doris Day song “Que Sera Sera”)
When she was just a little girl
She asked Ted Stevens, “What will I be?”
“Will I be Guv’nor?” “Will I be Prez?”
Here’s what he said to she.
Hey, Sarah, Sarah
Don’t be so silly, silly
Stop annoying me, dear me
Hey Sarah, Sarah
What will be, will be
When she was Gov she met McCain
She asked the Maverick, what lies ahead?
“How is your cancer?” “How old are you?”
I’ll be Prez when you’re dead.
Hey, Sarah, Sarah
Let’s not jump the gun, the gun
You know that we’ve not yet won
Hey, Sarah, Sarah
You’re no fun, no fun
Her campaign went down to defeat
Now she’s the G.O.P.’s biggest doormat
Well behind Romney, behind Gingrich
She shills for “Arctic Cat”
Hey, Sarah , Sarah
You’re so damned creepy, creepy
Your career’s finished, you see
Hey, Sarah, Sarah
It’s your destiny