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Sarah Palin: “Shrill Baby Shrill”

The scenic view from Palin's America

The scenic view from Palin's America

Sarah Palin’s ghostwriter seems to have emerged once again in the October 16, 2009 issue of  the National Review. In an op-ed allegedly written by Alaska’s former ex-quitting governor, Palin has reverted to the failed chant she repeatedly uttered during her failed national candidacy in 2008. That is correct, she is back on the “Drill Baby, Drill” mantra. She argues that in order to jump start the economy, America must start drilling for oil to increase employment and reduce our dependency on foreign oil. Of course that is the same rejected message that she was promoting last year. This time however she has added a new logically ridiculous Palinesque twist to her argument. It goes like this,

“Many of the countries we’re forced to import from have few if any environmental-protection laws, and those that do exist often go unenforced,” writes Palin. “In effect, American environmentalists are preventing responsible development here at home while supporting irresponsible development overseas.”

Let’s try to sort out her insane logic. In America, environmentalists have fought for and achieved environmental-protection laws that help preserve if not save the environment from some of the worst transgressions of oil drilling operations. So far, so good. That is a reasonable statement. This is where it starts to get a little kooky though. Palin goes on to state that because other countries do not have the same environmentally safe regulations in place as does America, it is the fault of the American environmentalists that there is irresponsible oil development overseas. So, let’s get this straight, Palin argues that we should be less environmentally safe in America and this would somehow entice overseas producers to be more environmentally conscious? Or is she saying that environmentalists are bad for the environment on a world-wide basis as they achieve environmentally safe procedures in individual countries? She’s nuts.

Drill Baby, Drill. Same old slogan. Same old Palin.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

Life In The Fast Lane song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kf51M3govXY

PIPE IN THE GASOLINE

(sung to the Eagles song “Life In The Fast Lane”)

Todd was a school dropout man, he was brain dead and then some
And Sarah was not really witty
They both hooked up and thought they looked so handsome
In the heart of Wasilla city
She had a nasty reputation and he was “First Dude”
The Palins were ruthless when it came to crude
They had one thing in common
With old Uncle Jed

She said, “Drill Baby Drill”
Till Mother Nature’s dead

Pipe in the gasoline
Sarah likes to wail and whine
Pipe in the gasoline

Are you with me so far?

The plan needed action, so said the dame
A bigger attraction than old John McCain
She called on Joe The Plumber
But she needed more pull
So she called on Joe Sixpack
Did the lipsticked pitbull
Those pipe-lines on the landscape, could seal her fate
So long as she had her cronies spreading politics of hate

The Palin fan base is not very bright
They are all old, straight and male and all of them are white, don’t doubt it

Pipe in the gasoline
Sarah likes to wail and whine
Pipe in the gasoline
Pipe in the gasoline
Oil revenue is fine
Pipe in the gasoline

(musical interlude)

Drilling and boring, blinded by thirst
She couldn’t handle Gibson
Katie Couric was worse
She said, listen people, don’t you know I’m “mavericky”?
I can see Russia from my house, even Tina Fey agrees
Mac said, call Rush Limbaugh, I think we’re gonna crash

The polls are heading downward and we need some instant cash
They were lookin’ for some leeway
The election was lost
She didn’t care there was oil ‘neath that permafrost, so it was

Pipe in the gasoline
Sarah likes to wail and whine
Pipe in the gasoline
Pipe in the gasoline
Oil revenue is fine
Pipe in the gasoline

Pipe in the gasoline
Pipe in the gasoline

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Sarah Palin Is A Schmidt-Head

sarah-palin-solemnly-swear-vp

The Arkansas News reports that at a speech at the University of Arkansas Clinton School of Public Service, former McCain adviser and Sarah Palin critic, Steve Schmidt had some kind words for Alaska’s quitting ex-governor. Schmidt said,

I believe to this day that had she not been picked as the vice presidential candidate, we would never have been ahead — not for one second, not for one minute, not for one hour, not for one day.

Then again, when Schmidt was reminded that just a few weeks ago he said that a Palin presidential candidacy would be, “catastrophic” for Republicans in 2012, he stated that he stood by those remarks also. “I said what I said on the 2012 (race). … I said what I said today,” was his retort.

So, apparently Schmidt believes that although Palin was helpful to the McCain campaign while she was an unknown character, her light has been dimmed as the public learned more about her to the extent that her future candidacy would destroy the Republican Party. That does not sound like a vote of confidence for Caribou Barbie.

This seems like an appropriate time to re-visit those lazy-hazy days of the Palin candidacy.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

Gilligan’s Island theme link: http://www.televisiontunes.com/Gilligans_Island.html

SARAH’S ISLAND

(Sung to the theme of “Gilligan’s Island”)

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale
A tale of a strange kinship
That started with the First Dude, Todd
And ends with Baby Tripp

Wife Sarah was Alaska’s guv’nor
Her husband a drop-out
Five children with really strange names
Hillbillies there’s no doubt.    Hillbillies there’s no doubt.

The election started getting rough
Mack needed a V.P.
He focused his attention on the Great White North
His savior Sarah P.    His savior Sarah P.

She could not handle interviews her strategy was
Senile
Too “Mavericky”
“You Betcha’s” too
“Joes Sixpack and the Plumber”
“Hockey Moms”
“The Pitbull with Lipstick on”
and, a Beehive hairstyle.

So this is the tale of the Palin Clan
The campaign was reduced to dust
Bristol had a baby boy
Levi’s mom, a bust

Sarah and her husband, Todd
Returned to the family nest
She had some softball interviews
Tough issues weren’t addressed

No Charles, no Kate, no CNN
Sure no M-S-N-B-C
They all use “Gotcha Questions”
That’s not her cup of tea

So join them here each week good friends
Fox, you can stay awhile
Greta and Hasselback will be here too

Here on “Palins Isle”

Sarah Palin’s Year Of Unfortunate Events

Palin describes her last 12 months to students at the Wasilla School For The Deaf.

Palin describes her last 12 months to students at the Wasilla School For The Deaf.

For those of us not lucky enough to be from the Great State of Alaska, it is hard to imagine that prior to last year, we had no idea who Sarah Palin was. It now seems that not a day can go by without the subject of Caribou Barbie popping up on television, radio or in print media. She is both cheered and jeered, but not in equal amounts. She has a small but loyal following of uneducated, religiously intolerant, white, racist homophobes that dote over every one of her incoherent Twitter tweets. Those out-of-touch fanatics however, are vastly outnumbered by the scores of civilized Americans that view her as an imbecilic light-weight worthy only of the status of  the target of comedic barbs. Nonetheless, Sarah Palin’s trajectory over the last year has been like that of a shooting star: attention grabbing but short lived prior to burning out.

Indeed, the last twelve months have not been kind to the quitting ex-governor of Alaska. Shall we take an itemized look at some of the unfortunate events that have engulfed Sarah Palin over that period?

– She was revealed by Republican Presidential nominee, John McCain to be his running-mate. The American population responded with a resounding, “Who?”;

– It was revealed that the pedigree of her educational background consisted of attending 5 different mediocre colleges in 6 years before managing to attain only a bachelors dgree;

– It was discovered that the “family values”, “abstinence only”, evangelical christian politician had been impregnated prior to her marriage to the “First Dude.”

– It had been discovered that the “family values”, “abstinence only”, evangelical christian mother had an unwed pregnant teenaged daughter;

– She had those disastrous unscripted televised interviews with Charles Gibson and Katie Couric in which she could not name a single newspaper, magazine or periodical that she reads and failed to be able to name any Supreme Court decision other than Roe v. Wade;

– She could not accurately describe to a fifth grader the role of the Vice President of the United States;

– She was mercilessly lampooned by television comics, the most notable being Tina Fey;

– It was revealed that the “Country First” Sarah Palin’s spouse had been a card carrying member of the Alaskan Independence Party (AIP) who’s main agenda is to have the state secede from the United States;

– It was revealed that Sarah Palin, in her capacity as Governor of Alaska, had possibly attended AIP conventions and definitely provided official videotaped supportive messages to at least one of their conventions;

– Her sister-in=law and the mother-in-law to be of her pregnant daughter were both arrested;

– It was revealed that she actually said, “Thanks” before saying, “Thanks, but no thanks” regarding that “bridge to nowhere”;

– Subsequent to learning that Palin unsuccessfully tried to pressure Alaska Public Safety Commissioner Walter Monegan to fire her own brother-in-law (Mike Wooten), the Branchflower investigative report stated, “that Palin abused her power as governor and violated the state’s Executive Branch Ethics Act when her office pressured Monegan to fire Wooten.” The report also stated that “Governor Palin knowingly permitted a situation to continue where impermissible pressure was placed on several subordinates to advance a personal agenda, to wit: to get Trooper Michael Wooten fired.” The report also said that Palin “permitted Todd Palin to use the Governor’s office […] to continue to contact subordinate state employees in an effort to find some way to get Trooper Wooten fired.” from the state police;

– She uttered political hate speech by repeatedly claiming at political rallies that Democratic Presidential nominee Barack Obama had been “palling around with terrorists”;

– John McCain and she were soundly defeated in the 2008 Presidential election;

– It was revealed that she accepted over $ 150,000.00 dollars worth of clothing for herself and her family from the Republican National Committee at a time when most working class Americans were suffering through an economic recession;

– She was found to have breached ethics and tax rules for failing to report as income, certain unreimbursed travel expenses and per diem housing allowances while acting as Governor of Alaska;

– With more than two years remaining in her term, she quit the office of Governor of Alaska;

– Despite her degree in journalism, she elected to have her memoir written by a ghost-writer;

– While opposing health care reform legislation, she fictitiously claimed that the reform would contain “death panels” to shorten the lives of senior citizens; and

– Her husband, Todd quit his job with oil giant British Petroleum.

And that my friends (as John McCain would say) is only a partial list of the series of unfortunate events that have surrounded Sarah Palin in the last year. Will there be more in the upcoming year? “Ya Betcha !!!”

Before proceeding to today’s song parody, please take a little time to enjoy the following video clip of actor William Shatner reading, verbatim, Sarah Palin’s resignation speech from last July.

If you enjoyed William Shatner in the video clip, you will also enjoy him performing his rendition of the song, It Was A Very Good Year which is today’s song parody. Please enjoy.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link to familiarize yourselves with Shatner’s rendition of this tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

It Was A Very Good Year song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0GAjK64VZg

IT WAS A VERY BAD YEAR

(sung to the William Shatner version of the song “It Was A Very Good Year”)

When she was seventeen
It was a very good year
It was a very good year for this small town girl
That was not too bright
With pageant queen height
A sight to be seen
When she was seventeen

When she was twenty-four
It was a not so good year
It was a not so good year for this pretty girl
She was now a pair
In maternity wear
No wedding décor
When she was twenty-four

When she was forty-five
It was a hell of a year
It was a hell of a year for this rejected girl
Who made so many scenes
And had a pregnant teen
Her future hope died
When she was forty-five

But now her days are short
Cuz it has been a very bad year
And now Sarah Palin’s life is one big whine
She’s hit the dregs
Been knocked down a few pegs
She’s the target of jeer
She’s had a very bad year.

My Love Song To Sarah Palin

Sarah, will you be my Valentine?

Sarah, will you be my Valentine?

It is time to be honest, folks. We here at Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off have a crush on the ex-quitting-Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin. It is time for us to admit that this blog would not have been born in the first place were it not for Caribou Barbie’s unfaltering pro-life stance. You see, while the idea of this blog had barely been conceived in our mind, we were already contemplating putting that idea out to pasture. But then Sarah Palin started saying and doing more stupid things on a daily basis. We began to wonder just how on earth we could deny mankind all of the wonderful satire and comment that our precious little blog-child would contribute as it grew to adulthood. Hence, our decision was made. We chose life for the blog and the rest is history.

Were it not for Sarah Palin’s butchered television interviews, slutty flight attendant fashion sense, inability to speak a single coherent sentence, vast world travel experience, child birth mysteries, penchant for quitting jobs more frequently than Brett Favre and all around cluelessness, we would never have had the sustaining source material for this blog. For that Sarah, we love you. So, in honor of the troops please enjoy this love song that was penned especially for you.

Love always,

Lynnrockets

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song.

You Are The Woman song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AgPw-DMoHw&feature=related

YOU ARE THE WOMAN

(sung to the Firefall song “You Are The Woman”)

You are the woman that I’ve always dreamed of
I knew it from the start
You’re like the apple that fell off of the apple cart

It’s all those things you say that make me pee
Because you have no clue
And those interviews you gave on TV
Came right back and bit you, woh, oh

You are the woman that I’ve always dreamed of
You are a work of art
You have no grace and a black rotting thing for a heart

It’s not so much your gross duplicity
Sure not the clothes you wear
It’s all those foreign countries you can see
And you shoot polar bears, who, oh, woh

You are the woman that I’ve always dreamed of
I don’t know where to start
You’re dumber than most of the gals at the mini-mart

It’s hard to tell you just how glad I’m feeling
When you are reviled
You have a way to send my song skills reeling
I just love your style, woh, oh

You are the woman that I’ve always dreamed of
I knew it from the start
You’re in a place that occupies a space in my heart
You’re in a place that occupies a space in my heart

In my heart
Oh, oh in my heart.

It’s A Laugh A Minute With Sarah Palin

palin_motivator1

As the summer season winds down, we thought that it might be fun to re-visit some of those lazy, hazy, crazy days of Sarah Palin. The ex-governor of Alaska has no real substance, but like one of those moronic films that attracts teens to the cineplex all summer long, she provides a lot of cheap laughs. Let’s list a few.

“Absolutely not. I think that, if I were to give up and wave a white flag of surrender against some of the political shots that we’ve taken, that … that would … bring this whole … I’m not doing this for naught.” –Sarah Palin, asked about her plans for 2012 and whether she would disappear from the national political scene if she loses, ABC News interview, Oct. 29, 2008

“I’m the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can’t.'” –Sarah Palin, as quoted by former City Council Member Nick Carney, after he raised objections about the $50,000 she spent renovating the mayor’s office without approval of the city council

“We need to come to the defense of Southeast Alaska when proposals are on the table like the bridge and not allow the spinmeisters to turn this project or any other into something that’s so negative.” –Sarah Palin, on the Bridge to Nowhere, interview with the Ketchikan Daily News, Oct. 2006

I said, “thanks but no thanks to that bridge to nowhere”;

“What’s the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? Lipstick!”;

“As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It’s Alaska. It’s just right over the border.”

“All of ’em, any of ’em that have been in front of me over all these years.” –Sarah Palin, unable to name a single newspaper or magazine she reads, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Oct. 1, 2008 (Watch video clip)

“They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan.”

“[T]hey’re in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom.” –Sarah Palin, getting the vice president’s constitutional role wrong after being asked by a third grader what the vice president does, interview with NBC affiliate KUSA in Colorado, Oct. 21, 2008 (Watch video clip)

“I think on a national level your Department of Law there in the White House would look at some of the things that we’ve been charged with and automatically throw them out.” –Sarah Palin, referring to a department that does not exist while attempting to explain why as president she wouldn’t be subjected to the same ethics investigations that compelled her to resign as governor of Alaska, ABC News interview, July 7, 2009

“It may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: ‘Sit down and shut up,’ but that’s the worthless, easy path; that’s a quitter’s way out.” –Sarah Palin, announcing her resignation as governor, July 3, 2009

“That was fun!” –Sarah Palin, conducting an interview after pardoning a turkey for Thanksgiving while other turkeys were slaughtered in the background, Nov. 20, 2008

“I’m like, OK, God, if there is an open door for me somewhere, this is what I always pray, I’m like, don’t let me miss the open door. Show me where the open door is.” –Sarah Palin, on running for national office in the future, FOX News interview, Nov. 10, 2008

“Ohh, good, thank you, yes.” –Sarah Palin, after the Canadian prank caller complimented her on the documentary about her life, Hustler’s “Nailin Paylin,” Nov. 1, 2008

“We realize that more and more Americans are starting to see the light there and understand the contrast. And we talk a lot about, OK, we’re confident that we’re going to win on Tuesday, so from there, the first 100 days, how are we going to kick in the plan that will get this economy back on the right track and really shore up the strategies that we need over in Iraq and Iran to win these wars?” –Sarah Palin, suggesting we are at war with Iran, FOX News interview, Nov. 1, 2008

“If [the media] convince enough voters that that is negative campaigning, for me to call Barack Obama out on his associations then I don’t know what the future of our country would be in terms of First Amendment rights and our ability to ask questions without fear of attacks by the mainstream media.” –Sarah Palin, getting First Amendment rights backwards while suggesting that criticism of her is unconstitutional, radio interview with WMAL-AM, Oct. 31, 2008

“And Alaska — we’re set up, unlike other states in the union, where it’s collectively Alaskans own the resources. So we share in the wealth when the development of these resources occurs. … It’s to maximize benefits for Alaskans, not an individual company, not some multinational somewhere, but for Alaskans.” –Sarah Palin, explaining the windfall profits tax that she imposed on the oil industry in Alaska as a mechanism for ensuring that Alaskans “share in the wealth” generated by oil companies, New Yorker interview, Sept. 2008

“I’m very, very pleased to be cleared of any legal wrongdoing … any hint of any kind of unethical activity there. Very pleased to be cleared of any of that.” –Sarah Palin, after an Alaska legislative report found she had broken the state’s ethics law and abused her power in the Troopergate scandal, conference call with Alaska reporters, Oct. 12, 2008

“I may not answer the questions that either the moderator or you want to hear, but I’m going to talk straight to the American people and let them know my track record also.” –Sarah Palin, on not answering the questions in the vice presidential debate, St. Louis, Missouri, Oct. 2, 2008

“I’ll try to find you some and I’ll bring them to you.” –Sarah Palin, asked by Katie Couric to cite specific examples of how John McCain has pushed for more regulation in his 26 years in the Senate, CBS News interview, Sept. 24, 2008 (Watch video clip)

Katie Couric: “What other Supreme Court decisions do you disagree with?”
Sarah Palin: “Well, let’s see. There’s –of course –in the great history of America rulings there have been rulings, there’s never going to be absolute consensus by every American. And there are — those issues, again, like Roe v Wade where I believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So you know — going through the history of America, there would be others but–”
Couric: “Can you think of any?”
Palin: “Well, I could think of — of any again, that could be best dealt with on a more local level. Maybe I would take issue with. But you know, as mayor, and then as governor and even as a Vice President, if I’m so privileged to serve, wouldn’t be in a position of changing those things but in supporting the law of the land as it reads today.” –unable to name any Supreme Court decisions other than Roe v. Wade, CBS News interview, Oct. 1, 2008 (Watch video clip)

“But ultimately what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the healthcare reform that is needed to help shore up our economy.” –Sarah Palin, explaining the $700 billion government bailout of Wall Street to Karie Couric, CBS News interview, Sept. 24, 2008

“The fact is that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac have gotten too big and too expensive to the taxpayers.” –Sarah Palin, on the two companies which are in fact private entities, Colorado Springs, CO, Sept. 13, 2008

“Perhaps so.” –Sarah Palin, when asked if we may need to go to war with Russia because of the Georgia crisis, ABC News interview, Sept. 11, 2008

“I have not, and I think if you go back in history and if you ask that question of many vice presidents, they may have the same answer that I just gave you.” –Sarah Palin, after being asked if she had never met a foreign head of state, despite the fact that every vice president in the last 32 years had met a foreign head of state prior to taking office, ABC News interview, Sept. 11, 2008

“Let me speak specifically about a credential that I do bring to this table, Charlie, and that’s with the energy independence that I’ve been working on for these years as the governor of this state that produces nearly 20 percent of the U.S. domestic supply of energy.” –Sarah Palin, misstating the actual amount of energy produced by Alaska, which is only 3.5 percent, Sept. 11, 2008 (Watch the raw, unedited video)

“You’ll be there to defend the innocents from the enemies who planned and carried out and rejoiced in the deaths of thousands of Americans.” –Sarah Palin, linking the Iraq war the 9/11 attacks while addressing U.S. soldiers shipping off to Iraq, Fairbanks, Alaska, Sept. 11, 2008

“As for that VP talk all the time, I’ll tell you, I still can’t answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?” –Sarah Palin, interview with CNBC’s “Kudlow & Co”, July 2008 (Watch video clip)

“When I hear a statement like that coming from a woman candidate with any kind of perceived whine about that excess criticism, or maybe a sharper microscope put on her, I think, ‘Man, that doesn’t do us any good, women in politics, or women in general, trying to progress this country.” –Sarah Palin, on complaints from Hillary Clinton’s campaign about sexist coverage, Spring 2008

“Yes, the explicit sex-ed programs will not find my support.” –Sarah Palin, declaring her support for abstinence-only education in a questionnaire during her 2006 gubernatorial race

“What would your response be if I asked you to remove some books from the collection?” –Sarah Palin, inquiring with Wasilla librarian Mary Ellen Emmons about banning books right after taking office in 1996.

We, here at Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off would love to be reminded of any other great Palinisms or blunders that we may have overlooked. Please leave examples in the Comment section.

Today’s song parody continues with the Summer Fun theme. We’re off to see Paul McCartney at venerable old Fenway Park tonight, so we thought a Beatles song would be appropriate.

Please click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

Here Comes The Sun song link:

HERE COMES THE FUN

(Sung to The Beatles song “Here Comes the Sun”)

Here comes the fun, (doo doo doo doo)
Here comes the fun,
Sarah says, “hold on tight”.

Little Sarah, it’s been a really funny tenure
Little Sarah, you’ve been a buffoon without peer
Here comes the fun, (doo doo doo doo)
Here comes the fun,
Sarah gives, great sound bytes

Little Sarah, you said, “Thanks But No Thanks” so often
Barracuda, “Drill Baby Drill” just sounds so queer
Let’s have more fun, (doo doo doo doo)
Let’s have more fun,
Barbie gives “Pitbull” bites

Fun, fun, fun, here it comes…
Fun, fun, fun, here it comes…
Fun, fun, fun, here it comes…
Fun, fun, fun, here it comes…
Fun, fun, fun, here it comes…

Caribou girl, your tiff with Levi so becoming
Hockey Mom, we laughed so hard that it brought tears
Let’s have more fun, (doo doo doo doo)
Let’s have more fun,
Yes we say it’s alright

Let’s have more fun,
Let’s have more fun,
It’s alright
It’s alright

Palin And The Press

Palin-and-the-press

Just when you think that you are finally free of her, Sarah Palin reaches out, grabs you and drags you right back on to her planet. She gave her resignation (er, quitting) address yesterday and could not restrain herself from taking another shot at the press. She said:

And first, some straight talk for some, just some in the media because another right protected for all of us is freedom of the press, and you all have such important jobs reporting facts and informing the electorate, and exerting power to influence.  You represent what could and should be a respected honest profession that could and should be the cornerstone of our democracy.  Democracy depends on you, and that is why, that’s why our troops are willing to die for you.  So, how ’bout in honor of the American soldier, ya quit makin’ things up.

Huh? She failed of course, to give even one concrete example of the press “makin’ things up” about her or her family, so we must only speculate as to what she could have meant.

Let’s see, could it be that she couldn’t name a Supreme Court case other than Roe v. Wade? No, that was true. She could not.

Could it have been when they stated that she could not name a single newspaper, magazine or periodical that she reads? No, that was also true.

Could it be that the press exposed the fact that her teenaged unwed daughter was pregnant? No, in fact she volunteered that spicy tidbit herself before a national audience.

It must have been when the press falsely reported that it took her six years and five colleges before she earned her college degree. Nope, that was true also. To her credit though, even though she quit four colleges, she only quit one elected office.

If it is none of the above, then just what did the press make up about her and her family. When asked that precise question, Sarah Palin’s response was…

I’ll have to get back to ya on that

Oh, Sarah? We are still waiting.

Click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

You’re So Vain song link: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3dzr8_youre-so-vain-carly-simon_music

YOU’RE  SO LAME

(sung to the Carly Simon song, “You’re So Vain

You’re in the G.O.P. party
You think of yourself as a big shot
Your rimless glasses in front of your two eyes
Your shoes are a polka dot
You’re a fashion disaster, like
A whore in the parking lot
And John McCain dreamed that he’d be your partner
He’d be your partner, but

You’re so lame
You probably thought you’d win the election
You’re to blame
For causing massive voter rejection
Yes you. Yes you.

You hurried back to Alaska
Where you were still known as the Guv
You showed your disdain for the Legislature
You thought you could push and shove
But they taught you a thing or two
When they shot down Wayne Ross
Now there’s your problem with mass ethics complaints
Mass ethics complaints, and

You’re so lame
You’ll never win another election
You’re to blame
For Bristol’s failure to use protection

Now there’s your problem with mass ethics complaints
Mass ethics complaints, and

You’re so lame
You’ll never win another election
You’re to blame
For Bristol’s failure to use protection
Yes you. Yes you.

Well, I hear you flew down to NYC
And took little Bristol along
You need to mend some fences with the G.O.P.
While Bristol sings her abstinence song
With the Fox News folks you’ll wine and dine
And take a photo or two
Then you’ll return to Alaska as a disaster
As a disaster, and

You’re so lame
You’ll never win another election
You’re to blame
For Bristol’s failure to use protection
Yes you. Yes you.

The Sarah Palin Song You’ve Been Waiting For!!!

Sarah Palin gives history lesson to SarahPAC members.

Sarah Palin gives history lesson to SarahPAC members.

The Anti-Palin Funny Song Blog Marathon continues all weekend long here at Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off. That’s right, we will post anti-Palin songs and articles at a breathtaking pace for the next 48 hours in an attempt to keep you amused and informed during the final days of the Reign of Sarah Palin.

It is hard to believe that the short-lived but greatly divisive governorship of Sarah Palin is over. Thankfully, we will retain our memories of her hapless hijinks. The next several blog entries and song parodies will commemorate many of the Palin era lowlights. Please check back frequently as new entries will be posted rapidly in an attempt to keep you fully entertained prior to Caribou Barbie’s resignation speech. Also too, please leave a comment or three as they are always appreciated.

The following song parody is one that we have wanted to pen for a long time because of the original’s lengthy lyrics and popularity. We did not want to waste it on a pithy subject, but the end of Palin’s Reign of Terror seems worthy. Please enjoy a parody of Don McLean‘s 1971 hit single, American Pie. You might even want to print the words and distribute it to your friends and family so that you can have a sing-along at your Palin Farewell Parties. Better yet, if you are Alaskan, you could have that sing-along at one of Barbie’s Official Picnics this weekend.

Click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

American Pie song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHvDTUSd1Ws

ALASKAN PIE

(sung to the Don McLean song “American Pie”)

A long, long time ago…
I can still remember
Palin’s slutty flight attendant style
And when she blew her only chance
With John McCain in the Big Dance
In light of the pregnancy of her child

In February she did shiver
When Levi sold her down the river
Bad news at her doorstep
She didn’t have no more pep

The allegations she denied
Of all those gifts that she did hide
She took Alaskans for a ride
As she cajoled and lied

So bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Did you quit the job you love
After talking with God up above?
Did the good Lord tell you so?
Are you still pals with Plumber Joe?
Do dead fish still go with the flow?
And can Todd’s sister score me some good blow?

Well you know that your prospects are grim
’cause you’re way way out there on a limb
You’re sure to have the blues
Man, you screwed up those interviews

You’re just a lonely mid-aged “hockey mom”
With real deep frustration and a man that’s dumb
You’re just a third rate school alum
Today your future died

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Now for two years all you did was drone
Remember Sarkozy on the phone?
But just what will your future be?
Will you pester us like a has been queen?
Will you pout and whine like a spoiled teen?
In a voice that sounds so shrill and mean,

Oh, and when you leave Wasilla town
Take along your beauty pageant crown
And bridges that you burned
Oh, please never return
And those hits you took will leave some marks
A “Barracuda” is no shark
And you were always in the dark
Today your future died

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Helter skelter you are sure to swelter
The ice in your veins may even melt-ah
Ethics problems coming fast
You’re landing hard on your ass
No throwing stones in a house of glass
When you’re starring in a demon cleansing mass

Now your thinning hair reeks with perfume
You’re a spaceman cuz you see the moon
Your fans would shout and dance
Oh, to your “drill baby drill” chants!
Katie Couric made you squirm and squeal
And that was when your fate was sealed
Do you recall what was revealed
The day your future died?

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Oh, and then that look upon your face
Not knowing a Supreme Court case
Forget about the Bush Doctrine
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick
Sarah Palin’s no “Maverick”
Cuz she’s just a “Barbie” to Todd’s “Ken”

As we watched you on that debate stage
Your hands were clenched in fists of rage
Everyone then could tell
You were praying for the bell
And as you hoped that you could land a right,
To salvage something of the night
We saw Biden laughing with delight
That day your future died

Joe was singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Palin’s a girl who has the blues
And she cannot handle interviews
She quit her job and walked away
She could not take it any more
She hightailed it right out the door
Just like a scared child, she up and ran away

And in the streets the voters beamed,
The good Lord had fulfilled their dreams
Sherry Johnston was tokin’
The “barracuda” broken
We did not really want to boast
But “Mama Bear” was finally toast
She’ll write about it through her ghost
That day her future died.

And we were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Sarah Palin – A Retrospective

Palin giving speech at the 2008 PETA Convention

Palin giving speech at the 2008 PETA Convention

Sarah Palin announced her exit from Alaska politics only two short weeks ago and already we are waxing nostalgic for her days as leader of the Land of the Midnight Sun. We understand that she plans to audition upon the larger stage of national politics, yet nonetheless we will miss the days of book burnings, witch masses, secessionist political parties, nepotism, bridges to nowhere, Troopergate, baby birthin’s and First Dudes. We can only hope that in the near future she musters the courage to appear on serious television programs such as Meet The Press and Face The Nation. Only then will we once again have the opportunity to piss our pants laughing like in the good old days of Gibson and Couric. And Tina Fey, please remember, “a lonely nation turns her eyes to you.”

Today’s song parody takes a wistful look back to Sarah Palin’s Wasilla days. Please enjoy.

Remember to click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

Carefree Highway song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbWM2whkVq4

WASILLA HIGHWAY

(sung to the Gordon Lightfoot song “Carefree Highway”)

Pickin’ up the pieces of my sweet Alaskan dream
I wonder how “Joe Sixpack” is tonight
Her name was Sarah, she wore rimless glasses on her face
She was Guv and she was quite uptight
Wasilla Highway, let her slip away on you
Wasilla Highway, she’s seen better days
The Sarah Palin blues from her beehive to her shoes

Wasilla Highway, please take her away
Her away on you.

Turnin’ back the pages to the good Ol’ Palinfest
I wonder if she’ll ever be the same
During interviews she only stumbled and then lied
Now all she has is Levi left to blame
Wasilla Highway, poor old Sarah was so lame
Wasilla Highway, she’s seen better days
The Sarah Palin blues induced by mainstream nightly news
Wasilla Highway, just take her away

Her away on you

Searchin’ through the fragments of a career that once was
I wonder if “Joe the Plumber” is still kind
Was it Ross, Levi, Wooten or Diana Palin’s bust
Or some other secret she wants left behind
Wasilla Highway, did she sneak away on you
Wasilla Highway, she’s seen better days
The mornin’ after blues will she turn to cheap-ass booze?
Wasilla Highway, did she sneak away

Sneak away on you

Did she sneak away on you
Wasilla Highway, she’s got no-one left to blame
Wasilla Highway, left without delay
No more nightly news for the Gov with fancy shoes
Wasilla Highway, let her sneak away
Sneak away on you

Sarah Palin – Money For Nothing

PalinMissWasilla

Just what exactly will former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin do with her new found riches? First, she has between $ 400,000.00 and $ 600,000.00 in the SarahPac political action committee coffers. The biggest surprise there is that her supporters donated approximately $ 200,000.00 to the PAC after she quit the governorship and without stating that she would seek election to another office. Either her supporters know something that we do not, or they like giving their money away to useless quitters.

Another source of new found income for Caribou Barbie is the autobiography that she plans to release next year. Reportedly, she will earn upwards of seven figures for the book. Like the rest of us however, she must not have much faith in that University of Idaho journalism degree, because she has retained a ghostwriter to pen the tome. Probably a good idea when one considers that she is unintelligible when she speaks.

Additionally, it has been rumored that Sarah Barracuda has been offered numerous lucrative media opportunities in either television or radio. Yikes! It must be assumed that the interested television networks are The Comedy Channel and The Cartoon Network. Alternatively, Palin and her family could star in some sort of reality series like The Osbournes. On second thought, been there, done that. Her wacky tenure as governor and as a candidate for Vice President already was a surrealistic television reality show. Thank the Lord that it has not been renewed for a second season.  The radio station will most probably be some sort of foreign language format.

Today’s song parody was inspired by a frequent comment submitter on the wildly popular Alaska based The Mudflats blog. http://www.themudflats.net/ She is known as crystalwolf aka caligirl and she’s a hoot.

Please click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

Money For Nothing song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACGUasFWVsI

MONEY FOR NOTHING

(sung to the Dire Straits song “Money For Nothing”)

I want my, I want my Fox TV

Now look at that Bozo, that’s the way you do it
Fouling up interviews on the TV
Brain ain’t working, that’s the way she blew it
Money for nothing and her clothes for free

Palin ain’t working, told the voters, “screw it”
While she gobbled up every crumb
Maybe get Todd’s sister a break from the clinker

Baby she’s a grifter, she’s pond scum

She belongs in a secret witch coven
Draped in her gaudy finery
She was exposed much sooner than later
By the pros on M-S-N-B-C

Palin’s a starlet with her beehive and her makeup
Yeah buddy, that’s her own hair
That Sarah Palin shoots wolves from her airplane
She even wants to kill the polar bears

She thinks a guv’nor’s pay ain’t worth nothin’
She can’t write despite her degree
We all know she’s a lousy debater
She’ll live off the SarahPac money

(musical interlude)

She thinks a guv’nor’s pay ain’t worth nothin’
She can’t write despite her degree
We all know she’s a lousy debater
She’ll live off the SarahPac money

She’s a rat. She’s a rat.

Her temperament is strangely bizarre
She gives jobs to her high school chums
Look at that Sarah, she can’t stop winkin’ at the camera
Man, that girl is dumb
She’s a nightmare, that cat. Whining annoys us.
Palin thinks the Congo borders Tennessee
Her brain ain’t workin’, that’s the way she blew it
Gets her money for nothin’, gets her clothes for free

She couldn’t take the pushin’ and shovin’
Another weakling G.O.P.
She’s a pre-marital fornicator
Preaching all about abstinency

Listen here
Her brain ain’t workin’, that’s the way she blew it
Her next employer will be Fox TV
She’ll be tongue tied, she’ll bite her tongue and chew it
Money for nothing just like Hannity
Money for nothing like O’Reilly

Killed a turkey for stuffin’ right on the TV
Huffin’ and puffin’ constantly
Look at that. Look at that.
They’ll pay money for nothing on that Fox TV
(I want my, I want my, I want my Fox TV)
Money for nothing just like Hannity
Sleazy, sleazy

She ain’t working.

Palin, It’s Fittin’ She’s Quittin”

Giving out autographs at SarahPac break-up party.

Giving out autographs at SarahPac break-up party.

Sarah, we hardly knew ye. Wouldn’t you know, we go on vacation and Sarah Palin quits. If we had known that that is all it took, we would have taken a trip last September.

Palin’s abrupt resignation as Alaska’s governor last Friday was certainly welcome, but it also causes some concern here at Lynnrocket’s Blast-Off. As you know, this blog dedicates itself to lambasting all things Republican. We have a lot of fun pointing out the numerous inane actions and statements of the likes of Rush Limbaugh, Man Coulter, Mark Sanford (and Son) and Bobby Jindal(bells), but Sarah Palin is without peer when it comes to supplying hilariously ridiculous material.

The following is just a short list of funny Palin utterances:

“Thanks, but no thanks”

– “I’ll have to get back to ya on that, Katie”

– “Drill baby, drill”

– “Pallin’ around with terrorists”

– “Ya betcha”

– “All of em, any of em that are put in front of me”

– “Putin rearin’ his head over Alaska”

– “The job of the Vice President is to get down in there in the Senate and make good policy”

– “I’m not a quitter, I’m a fighter”

– “The libral media”, and our favorite…

– “Mavericky”

We hope and pray that she stays in the national spotlight for a while longer. The best scenario would be for her to run for President in 2012. Can you imagine the gems she will come up with while running her own campaign? Imagine the hilarity as she debates relatively intelligent Republican primary candidates and is forced to appear on serious television programs such as Meet The Press or Face The Nation.

Stay tuned.

Today’s song parody is a nostalgic look back at those Palin days.

Please click on the song link below because it makes singing along a lot more fun.

Those Were The Days song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5pkkAhETYg

THOSE PALIN DAYS

(sung to the Mary Hopkins song “Those Were The Days”)

Once upon a time back in Alaska
Sarah Palin gave an interview
She quit her day job and transferred her powers
She’s hoping to earn a spot on “The View”

Those Palin days my friend
We thought they’d never end
She’d sing and dance to earn per diem pay
She’d appear on the news
Give bumbling interviews
She was so stung and punked by Tina Fey

La La La La La La
La La La La La La
La La La La
La La La La La La

We’d scream in unison “oh, God, please why us”
Please wave your hand and make her go away
If you don’t believe us then just try us
We’d be so glad we’d call a holiday

Those Palin days my friend
We thought they’d never end
Dumb and confused forever and a day
Her Naughty Monkey shoes
She never had a clue
God help you if you’re female, black or gay

La La La La La La
La La La La La La
La La La La
La La La La La La

Two years left before the next election
Not the darling of the G.O.P.
There would be no Palin resurrection
Exit the Wasilla Hillbillies

Those Palin days my friend
Have come to a dead end
Her future now is stormy and it’s grey
There’s no more “Caribou”
Or wolf and moose head stew
Her song’s been sung now let’s just celebrate

La La La La La La
La La La La La La
La La La La
La La La La La La

Her resignation brought us all to laughter
She leaves her office under cloud of shame
Alaska will be better hereinafter
She belongs in the Moron Hall of fame

Those Palin days my friend
Thank God they’re at an end
We’ll sing and dance forever and a day
Sarah can sing the blues
Todd can go back to booze
Those Palin days, oh yes, those Palin days

La La La La La La
La La La La La La
La La La La
La La La La La La
La La La La La La
La La La La La La
La La La La
La La La La La La