Blog Archives

David Vitter Hustles His Diapers To Gulf Coast

As most of you readers know, I like to analyze a current political issue and make a cogent point with a dash of humor or sarcasm. Sometimes this proves to be difficult either because I am not in a particularly humorous mood or the political issue of the day does not lend itself to laughter (i.e. the BP oil spill). On other occasions however, the blog posts simply write themselves because of the involvement of unique political persons or issues of the day. Today’s post is an example of the latter.

Anytime that I can write about Louisiana’s prostitute soliciting, diaper wearing Republican Senator, David Vitter, Hustler Magazine owner Larry Flynt and the BP oil spill all it once, it is a good day for Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off. Today is one of those days.

Hustler Magazine publisher, Larry Flynt, in a letter to Republican Senator David Vitter today, urged the Louisiana lawmaker to personally contribute “diapers and other personal items” in an effort to control the costly effects of the eleven week old British Petroleum oil disaster. Buzzflash.com reports, “Three years ago, Flynt and his team of investigators assisted in exposing Senator Vitter’s extracurricular activities with female prostitutes. Others have reported on the Senator’s penchant for diapers during his transgressions.  Vitter later apologized for his “very serious sin” after documents released by the D.C. Madam, Deborah Jane Palfrey, revealed that he had patronized her high-end, fantasy escort service.”

Here is the letter itself…

Senator David Vitter

516 Hart Senate Building

Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Vitter:

Forgive me for intruding on your valuable time.  I know you are a very busy man, especially in regards to the current problems in the Gulf of Mexico. But that’s exactly what I want to talk to you about. I concur that everybody must do their part to solve this serious catastrophe.  And that’s where I think you, in particular, can be of so much help.

As I understand it, you have some expertise regarding diapers.  I have no idea how many diapers you actually have on hand (quite a collection from what I hear) but as you know, diapers are quite absorbent. So, when it comes to blocking the oil that’s gushing into the Gulf, they might be a very effective way of solving that problem. With that in mind, I urge you to donate your extensive diaper collection to BP so they can use them to stop the leak by creating, for want of a better term, a giant “plug.”

It could be a historic moment: An ecological disaster thwarted. And you’ll get the credit for it.  In fact, when people hear the word “diaper” they will automatically think of you. Hell, they already do.

Please don’t piss away this golden opportunity.

Sincerely,
Larry Flynt
Publisher
Hustler

Lynnrockets would like to wish all of you a happy and safe July 4th weekend. Please remember what I said in my last post and make sure that you find a way to express your love to family and friends.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Flintstones television theme song link: http://www.televisiontunes.com/Flintstones.html

VITTER

(sung to the television theme song “The Flinstones”)

Vitter, meet Dave Vitter
He’s the diaper wearing Senator
From Louisiana
Where he purchases those kinky whores.

On his faithful wife he chose to cheat
Now he’s targeted for big defeat

When you’re David Vitter
Buying hookers on the state dime
It’s big mistake time
It was a vice squad crime

Vitter, David Vitter
Of the “Family Values” G.O.P.
Unlike Johnny Bobbitt
He escaped and kept his prized pee-pee

On his faithful wife he chose to cheat
Now he’s targeted for big defeat

When you’re David Vitter
You’re just wallowing in your slime
Endorsing sex crimes
Exposed during prime time

Exposed during prime time

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Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 42

Just a few newsworthy events and comments thereon that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please chuckle a bit before enjoying Fathers’ Day.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “The Other Crazy Carolina” features North Carolina mountain man, Tim Peeler who claims to have encountered Bigfoot. Rather than describe the situation, let’s just go straight to the video, shall we…

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Republicans Living In A World Of Fiction” features Pat Buchanan. He not only defends “Brain Fartin'” Joe Barton’s apology to BP for having to cough up $20 Billion for an oil spill victims’ escrow fund, but likens Attorney General Eric Holder to the fictional Godfather enforcer Luca Brasi making “a deal they couldn’t refuse”. This is just the latest example of Republicans like Dick Cheney so often defending torture in the event of a 24 like ticking time bomb. What’s next, will Sarah Palin compare Barack Obama to the “Smoke Monster” from Lost?

BREAKING NEWS: Oops! We spoke too soon. This week’s second edition of “Republicans Living In A World Of Fiction” features conservative pundit Ann “The Man” Coulter. While appearing as a guest on the Fox network’s The O’Reilly Factor, the Coulter guy began comparing liberals to children who supposedly think that President Obama is either the tooth fairy or Santa Claus. Keep trying Coulter but you’ll never out-crazy Beck, Palin and Bachmann.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Republicans Doing The Flip Flop” features California Gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman. You might remember that during the primary, Whitman supported a no amnesty and zero tolerance posture towards illegal immigration in an effort to grab the conservative vote. However, now that she has secured the Republican spot, she must cater to the vast number of California Hispanics. Hence, she has released a campaign ad in which she portrays herself as “the Republican who opposed the Arizona (racist immigrant) law”. Nice try Meg. We are sure you will be embraced by the Spanish speaking community.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “You Can Run But You Can’t Hide” features Sarah Palin the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska. After months of requests from reporters, California State University, Stanislaus (rhymes with Santa Claus) on Friday agreed to allow members of the media to attend a fundraiser next week Palin. The unusually secretive reality tv host and fence builder will now be on public display for the world to ridicule. Just wondering, but will they be serving word salad at the event?

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Do As I Say, Not As I Do” features Florida’s Republican Gubernatorial candidate Marco “Polo” Rubio. You might recall that Rubio has been basing his campaign on fiscal conservatism and he repeatedly criticizes the Obama administration for spending money that it does not have. Well, a funny thing happened on the way to election day. Rubio is reportedly facing foreclosure on a Tallahassee home that he stopped making mortgage payments on last February. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Maybe Charlie Crist will rent him a room.

BREAKING NEWS: TPM/Muckraker gives us ” The 7 Dumbest Things BP Has Said About The Spill – – So Far.”

  1. “The Gulf of Mexico is a very big ocean. The amount of volume of oil and dispersant we are putting into it is tiny in relation to the total water volume.”
  2. “everything we can see at the moment suggests that the overall environmental impact of this will be very, very modest.”
  3. BP CEO Tony Hayward says, “Y’know, I’d like my life back,”
  4. BP Chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg told the Financial Times on May 25 — his first newspaper interview since the April 20 Deepwater Horizon explosion — that his company still has a future in the U.S. because BP is “big and important.”
  5. “The oil is on the surface,” Hayward said. “There aren’t any plumes.”
  6. BP COO Doug Suttles told the Associated Press on June 8 that the oil leak should slow to “a relative trickle” soon.
  7. “I care about the small people. I hear comments sometimes that large oil companies are greedy companies or don’t care, but that is not the case at BP. We care about the small people.”

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Tepid Tea” features Mark Williams. The conservative radio talk show host and prominent Tea Party activist is giving up his role as the chairman of the Tea Party Express. It seems that even this bigoted jack-ass can read the tea leaves and see that the Tea-Baggers are on the way out. The Tea Party will be remembered as a flash in the pan.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody which features the whole bunch of conservatives.

California Dreamin’ song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xN9r0bWe78

CONSERVATIVE DREAMIN’

(sung to the Mamas & The Papas song “California Dreamin’”)

All their shirts are brown
(All their shirts are brown)
And their hair is grey
(And their hair is grey)
Listen to them talk
(Listen to them talk)
As they loudly pray
(As they loudly pray)
Scandal is their norm
(Scandal is their norm)
They have one every day
(They have one every day)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
And politics of hate

Members of John Birch
Some won’t admit they’re gay
But when they get down on their knees
(Get down on their knees)
That’s when they like to play
(When they like to play)
These slimy creatures should be told
(Creatures should be told)
Membership’s gone away
(Members gone away)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has led them all astray

(musical interlude)

Glenn Beck is a clown
(Glenn Beck is a clown)
What does Limbaugh weigh?
(What does Limbaugh weigh?)
Palin cannot talk
(Palin cannot talk)
She’s no Tina Fey
(She’s no Tina Fey)
Somebody should tell her
(Somebody should tell her)
To just go away
(To just go away)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has become so cliché
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has lost all its cache´
(Conservative dreamin’)
Drives voters all away

Brain Fartin’ Joe Barton and the BPublicans (UPDATE)

Republican Joe Barton, BP's BFF.

As Sarah Palin once said, “Say it ain’t so, Joe”. What’s up with Texas’ Republican Congressman Joe Barton and his unabashed defense of oil industry kingpin BP? The day after President Obama successfully negotiated the creation of a $ 20 Billion escrow fund (paid by BP) to reimburse the losses of those adversely affected by BP’s gulf oil rig spill, Barton disgracefully shunned his own President and his countrymen and sided with the foreign corporate giant. Rather than congratulate the Commander in Chief for safeguarding the economic welfare of the victims of BP’s willful negligence, the Republican had this to say:

I am ashamed of what happened at the White House yesterday. I think it is a tragedy of the first proportion that a private corporation would be subjected to what I would characterize as a shakedown – in this case a $20 billion dollar shakedown. I do not want to live in a country where any time a citizen or a corporation does something that is legitimately wrong, (they are) subject to some sort of political pressure that … amounts to a shakedown. So I apologize.

The White House was quick to react to Barton’s “apology” to BP. Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said,

What is shameful is that Joe Barton seems to have more concern for big corporations that caused this disaster than the fishermen, small business owners and communities whose lives have been devastated by the destruction. Congressman Barton may think that a fund to compensate these Americans is a ‘tragedy’, but most Americans know that the real tragedy is what the men and women of the Gulf Coast are going through right now. Members from both parties should repudiate his comments.

Public opinion was obviously on the side of the White House, so even the G.O.P. leadership was forced to side with the President. Barton was “shaken down” by his superiors and presented with an ultimatum, either publicly apologize or lose his position as the senior Republican on the House Energy and Commerce Committee. Consequently, despite the fact that Barton’s major campaign contributors all hail from the oil industry, he was forced to provide an apology in a written statement. He wrote:

I apologize for using the term ‘shakedown’ with regard to yesterday’s actions at the White House in my opening statement this morning, and I retract my apology to BP. As I told my colleagues yesterday and said again this morning, BP should bear the full financial responsibility for the accident on their lease in the Gulf of Mexico. BP should fully compensate those families and businesses that have been hurt by this accident. BP and the federal government need to stop the leak, clean up the damage, and take whatever steps necessary to prevent a similar accident in the future.

I regret the impact that my statement this morning implied that BP should not pay for the consequences of their decisions and actions in this incident.

What-up with that? Was Barton drunk when he first defended BP? If he truly believes that “BP should bear the full financial responsibility for the accident on their lease in the Gulf of Mexico. BP should fully compensate those families and businesses that have been hurt by this accident. BP and the federal government need to stop the leak, clean up the damage, and take whatever steps necessary to prevent a similar accident in the future”, then why did he call it a “shakedown” in the first place and imply that BP should not held accountable? Was Barton lying then or is he lying now?

We would also like to know if and when the Republican leadership will put the smackdown on other G.O.P. members that have characterized the escrow fund in a fashion similar to Barton’s original statement. For instance, while speaking at the Heritage Foundation, Rep. Michele Bachmann called the escrow fund “extortion.” And Rep. Tom Price said in a statement that President Obama has “no legal authority” to force BP to set aside a damage fund.

Let’s just hope the Democrats are able to remind the American people come the November elections, that the G.O.P. cares more for destructive foreign corporations than they do for their own countrymen.

UPDATE

The DNC (God bless their little hearts) has just circulated an ad which attacks “Say it ain’t so” Joe Barton and the BPublicans. Here it is…

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

God Bless The U.S.A. song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-9_fDEsv-Q

PROUD TO BE A REPUBLICAN

(sung to the Lee Greenwood song “God Bless The U.S.A.”)

If tomorrow all my brains were gone
And I was just plant life
With a feeding tube shoved in
Against the wishes of my wife
I’d thank my lucky stars the G.O.P. had their way
And curtailed my family’s freedom
Made them watch me waste away

Boy, I’m proud to be a Republican
Like Huckabee and Romney
And I won’t forget Glenn Beck who cried
Right there on Fox TV
Cuz they’ll gladly stand up next to you
And berate your union pay
I just love those hate filled flames they fan
They hate the U.S.A.

Bachmann hates in Minnesota
Alaska has Sarah P.
Rick Perry down in Texas
They’re in the Tea Party
Not Detroit nor in Boston
Too liberal, black and gay
There’s no soul in any Republican heart
And they love it just that way

Yes, I’m proud to be a Republican
Just like Rush and Hannity
And I love the facts they do deny
Right there on Fox TV
And I’ll gladly stand up next to you
And castigate Tina Fey
Cuz I never doubt those Red State men
No matter what they say

Oh, I’m proud to be a Republican
As I sit here sipping tea
Palin’s “death panels” can’t be denied
They say on Fox TV
Sarah sends a Twitter –  text to you
Six or seven times a day
It’s Republicans that love this land
In our per-ver-ted way!

“Diaper” Dave Vitter And His BP “BM”

Oh boy, do we love it when Republicans make it this easy. You are all familiar with Louisiana Senator David Vitter aren’t you? What’s that, you’re not? Well then, pull up a chair and we will tell you a little story.

Once upon a time there was a Republican Senator from Louisiana named David Vitter. He was a staunch “family values” conservative that previously served in the House of Representatives after having replaced Robert Livingston after Livingston resigned as the result of an adultery scandal. At the time, Vitter said,

It’s obviously a tremendous loss for the state. I think Livingston’s stepping down makes a very powerful argument that Clinton should resign as well and move beyond this mess”, referring to Bill Clinton’s Monica Lewinsky scandal.

Problem is, it was later revealed that Vitter, a married man with children, had been conducting a lengthy affair with a New Orleans prostitute. When initially confronted with the accusation, Vitter said that the allegation was, ” absolutely and completely untrue.” However, in July 2007 his phone number appeared in the records of the infamous “DC Madam.” Consequently, Vitter finally fessed up and said

This was a very serious sin in my past for which I am, of course, completely responsible. Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife in confession and marriage counseling. Out of respect for my family, I will keep my discussion of the matter there — with God and them. But I certainly offer my deep and sincere apologies to all I have disappointed and let down in any way.

To add insult to injury, it was later revealed by one of his call girls that Vitter liked to be dressed in diapers during his sessions. (See diaper story here). In typical hypocritical Republican “Family Values” fashion however, Vitter failed to resign his seat after having called upon President Clinton to do so.

To make matters worse, the Republican Party leadership did not call for Vitter’s resignation either (even though they did so  with Senator Larry Craig after the light shined on his sexual indiscretions). You see, the Republican party does not really care about its members’ morality or “family values” it only cares about winning elections and holding onto seats. This became evident after the Craig affair when, after his attempted homosexual bathroom tryst, the Senator was called upon to resign by party leadership. Because Craig was a senator from a state with a Republican governor however, his seat would most likely be filled with another Republican appointed by said governor until a special election. In the case of Vitter however, there was no call from party leadership for his resignation. The Vitter case was different in their eyes because Vitter’s State of Louisiana had a Democratic Party governor. Consequently, upon Vitter’s resignation, the seat would likely be filled by a Democratic party appointee until the special election. In the eyes of the Republican Party, holding on to an elected office trumps any concern over immorality of party members.

Well, here is the newest from David Vitter. For the last number of years he has been firmly in the Sarah Palin “Drill Baby, Drill” camp. This was a safe position for a Republican from Louisiana because he was indebted to the big oil companies that contributed so mightily to his campaign coffers in an effort to increase drilling off of the Louisiana coast. But then the Deepwater Horizon oil spill disaster occurred and Vitter found himself in some murky petroleum polluted water. You see, he is in a fiercely contested Senate race in which he is opposed by a Democrat who hopes to capitalize on the conservative backlash against “Diaper” Dave for his extra-marital endeavors.

In an effort to appease both sides of the deep water oil drilling debate, Vitter immediately opposed President Obama’s moratorium on further drilling until safety measures can be assured. However, when public opinion turned against Vitter for his continued support of Big Oil, Vitter realized he was in trouble and abruptly changed course, sort of. Vitter wanted to appear tough on Big Oil (but not so tough that he might jeopardize his most favored status in the industry) so he filed a bill which would remove any liability cap on BP for this particular oil spill. He hoped to appear tough on one particular company for one particular disaster, but he did not want to expose other companies (or BP) to unlimited liability for future disasters that they may cause. Vitter’s bill pales in comparison to the Democrats’ bill which would permanently remove all liability caps for all oil companies. Let’s hope the Louisiana voters see through Vitter’s masquerade this November.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Getting Better song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jk0dBZ1meio

DAVID VITTER

(sung to the Beatles song “Getting Better”)

It’s David Vitter all the time
That David Vitter is a fool (only half a brain)
His hookers tell him that he’s cool (as they drain the vein)
Just like Scottie Brown (oh,oh)
Trousers are down (oh, oh)
Vitter just stutters and drools (Oooh)

You’ve got to admit that David Vitter (Vitter)
Wears baby diapers all the time (it can’t get no worse)
You’ve got to admit that David Vitter (Vitter)
That David Vitter
Just loves vice crimes

A useless and angry young man
Dave’s now universally panned
Let’s give him the bird, that obnoxious turd
Let’s give it to him with both hands

You’ve got to admit that David Vitter (Vitter)
Wears baby diapers all the time (it can’t get no worse)
You’ve got to admit that David Vitter (Vitter)
That David Vitter
Just loves vice crimes

We know David Vitter crawls in slime

Wears baby diapers all the time
Vitter, Vitter, Vitter
He leads a secret life of crime
Vitter, Vitter, Vitter

Dave loves to be cruel to his woman
He cheats and he spends all his time with the hookers he loves
Vitter is mean and he’s oh so obscene
Just like all those Republican men (ooh)

Just admit it David Vitter
You’re an offender all the time (you can’t get no worse)
Please just admit it David Vitter, your baby sitter
She dropped a dime

We know David Vitter crawls in slime

Wears baby diapers all the time
Vitter, Vitter, Vitter
He leads a secret life of crime
Vitter, Vitter, Vitter

We know David Vitter crawls in slime

Would You Like A Little Oil In Your Tea?

Feel a little stupid now?

How about you folks?

We know you do

Has anyone noticed how little we seem to hear from those pesky Tea-Baggers since the Gulf oil rig disaster. Remember those crazies running around with their tri-cornered hats and “Don’t Tread On Me” flags while railing against an activist government? Remember when Tea-Baggers were all the rage as they vowed to “take back the government” in the upcoming elections? Well, a funny thing happened on the way to their coronation. The BP oil spill actually illustrated the need for an activist government.

This recent environmental disaster caused by private BP (does that stand for “Biblical Proportions”?) has put the Tea-Baggers in that uncomfortable position of being between a rock and a hard place. It has become absolutely clear that a lack of strict governmental regulation (which the Tea Party advocates) of deep water oil drilling allowed a private industry to take safety shortcuts which ultimately caused the oil spill that is now devastating the Gulf Coast states. In other words, in this instance the stated objective of the Tea Party has proved to be detrimental to the health (both personal and economic) and safety of American citizens.

For the past two years Tea Party activists have been vehemently criticizing the Democrats’ and the Obama administration’s penchant for what they consider to be over-regulation of the private sector. Despite an unsustainable health care system, they opposed any federal remedy. Despite the worst economic recession since the Great Depression, they opposed the federal stimulus package aimed at jump-starting the economy and getting people back to work. And most vividly of all, they opposed regulation of the oil industry based upon environmental concerns by means of celebrating Sarah Palin’s mantra of “Drill Baby, Drill!”.

Since the oil spill occurred some of the newly crowned leaders of the Tea Party movement have made some ridiculous statements in an attempt to address the situation. For instance, Kentucky Senate nominee Rand Paul refuses to blame BP for the disaster. He simply refers to it as “an accident”. Paul has also called President Obama “un-American” for his efforts to hold the British owned oil company accountable for its negligence. Nevada Senate nominee Sharron Angle has actually called for the abolition of the Environmental Protection Agency. Wildest of all, Sarah Palin, the ex-quitting half-term governor of Alaska, has blamed the environmentalists for the oil spill and has blamed the slow remedy and clean-up on Obama because she claims he is in the pockets of the oil industry.

The Tea Party’s non-regulation message and moonbat crazy pronouncements however, are no longer resonating with the American people. As the Boston Globe pointed out on Thursday, “According to a CBS News poll, a majority of Americans now oppose offshore drilling, and nearly two-thirds say Obama should be doing more to stop the spill. This desire for more aggressive government action is the antithesis of the Tea Party ethos.” Additionally, the Boston Globe revealed that a Washington Post/ABC News poll this week revealed that half of Americans hold an “unfavorable impression’’ of the Tea Party, up from 39 percent in March.

Turn out the lights Glenn Beck, the party’s over.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Garden Party song link:  http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x89fev_ricky-nelson-garden-party_music

TEA BAG PARTY

(sung to the Ricky Nelson song “Garden Party”)

I went to a Tea Bag party hoping to make some brand new friends
But they became my enemies, those right wing racist men
When I got to the Tea Bag party, they all looked the same
That really surprised me, and no one had a brain

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

Crazies there from miles around, mostly with white hair
Locals brought their shotguns, there was hatred in the air
‘n’ over in the corner, not to my surprise
Sarah Palin sportin’ F-me pumps while just winking her eyes

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so they can go to hell

Lot-in-dah-dah-dah, lot-in-dah-dah-dah

Told them they were so wrong, Glenn Beck is insane
Drill Baby, Drill’s stupid,  and Palin is to blame
I said Rand Paul is crazy too, best not drink his tea
Then I told them things about Michele Bachmann they would not believe

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so they can go to hell

Lot-dah-dah-dah (lot-dah-dah-dah)
Lot-in-dah-dah-dah

Someone opened up a closet door and donned a white pointy hood
Punching his railroad ticket to Hell and just the way he should
If you’re goin’ to a Tea Bag party, I wish you a lotta luck
Bring a misspelled sign, use racist slang and drive a pick-up truck

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

Lot-dah-dah-dah (lot-dah-dah-dah)
Lot-in-dah-dah-dah

But its all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, ya can’t please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

Sarah Palin Says, “Call Me”

"Operator, please connect me with reality. It's urgent!"

Sarah Palin is blowing her own horn once again. The on again, off again part time Fox News guest host and reality television show host feels she should be consulted about the Gulf oil rig disaster. You heard that correctly, the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska believes that the President of the United States should telephone her for advise.

Yesterday, she utilized the sophomoric medium of FaceBook to criticize the Commander in Chief and to offer him her assistance. She appears to be outraged at the fact that Obama has not spoken directly to BP CEO, Tony Hayward. Obama told NBC Tuesday that he has not spoken with Hayward because “when you talk to a guy like a BP CEO, he’s gonna say all the right things to me – I’m not interested in words, I’m interested in actions.” Palin’s FaceBook response?

further proof that it bodes well to have some sort of executive experience before occupying the Oval Office,

Palin then claimed that Obama should call experts that lived through the 1989 Exxon Valdez spill in Alaska, including herself. She said,

We’ve all lived and worked through the Exxon-Valdez spill. They can help you. Give them a call. Or, what the heck, give me a call. Based on my experience working with oil execs as an oil regulator and then as a Governor, you must verify what the oil companies claim – because their perception of circumstances and situations dealing with public resources and public trust is not necessarily shared by those who own America’s public resources and trust.

To a certain degree Palin is correct, “you must verify what the oil companies claim – because their perception of circumstances and situations dealing with public resources and public trust is not necessarily shared by those who own America’s public resources and trust.”, and that is precisely why the President does not feel the need to listen to Hayward’s “perception of circumstances”. Apparently, Palin is also unaware that experts from across the globe (including a few from Alaska) are being consulted by the Obama Administration on a daily basis. It is easy to understand how Palin would be ignorant of this fact in that she only watches Fox News and therefore only receives a limited amount of factual information mixed in with talk of Communists, Fascists and Nazis. Perhaps she does not understand that the President is not interested in the opinion of a half term governor who quit under the pressure of ethics based attacks.

Palin’s overinflated description of her Exxon Valdez experience should also be questioned. After all, fifty days after the Exxon spill occurred, Palin was not exactly involved in plans for remedying that disaster. In fact, she had only earned her bachelor’s degree two years earlier and was busy eloping with her high school sweetheart. Indeed, it was not until 1992 when Palin first held public office in the lowly position of the Wasilla (Alaska) City Council. Not exactly oil industry expertise.

Palin actually never dealt with the oil industry in any capacity until 2003 when she she accepted an appointment to the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission, which oversees Alaska’s oil and gas fields for safety and efficiency. Although she had little background in the area, she said she wanted to learn more about the oil industry, and was named chair of the commission and ethics supervisor. She quit that position in 2004.

To put things in chronological perspective, the jury verdict in Exxon v. Baker occurred in 1994. This was nine years before Palin even sat on the Oil and Gas Conservation Commission and long before she had any real knowledge about the industry. Thereafter, the Exxon case went through a series of appeals culminating in the US Supreme Court decision in 2008 to drastically reduce the damages award. Palin played no part in the litigation at any time. In short, Sarah Palin has no expertise in the field of oil spill clean-up or the litigation necessary to enforce it.

Barack Obama knows this, so don’t wait too long by the phone Sarah darling. Now run along and play while adults deal with the Gulf oil spill crisis.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have way more fun singing along with today’s very topical song parody.

Today’s song contemplates President Obama actually calling Sarah Palin for advice.

867 – 5309 (Jenny) song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBHJqtgo8RA

867 – 5309 (SARAH)

(sung to the Tommy Tutone song “867 – 5309 (Jenny)”)

Hey!
Sarah Palin, who can I turn to?
I need an expert that I can talk to
Your oil expertise is the stuff of folklore
I got your name and number on the wall
Sarah, I’ve got your number
I will drop you a line
Sarah, I’ll call your number
867 – 5309 (867 – 5309)
867 – 5309 (867 – 5309)

Sarah, Sarah you’ll defeat BP
You’re not too bright and you lack a real degree
I should have called you before
But I lost my nerve
Only you can save our nation
Of that, I am sure
Sarah, I’ve got your number
And I can spare the dime
Sarah, I’ll call your number
867 – 5309 (867 – 5309)
867 – 5309 (867 – 5309)

I got it (I got it), I got it
I got your number on the wall
I got it (I got it), I got it
“For a good time “
“For a good time call”

(solo)

Hey!
Sarah, don’t change your number
I need your feeble mind
Sarah, I’ll call your number
867 – 5309 (867 – 5309)
867 – 5309 (867 – 5309)

Sarah, Sarah please give us a clue
(867 – 5309)
For the price of a dime I can always turn to you
(867 – 5309)
867 – 5309 (867 – 5309)
867 – 5309 (867 – 5309)
5309 (867 – 5309)
5309 (867 – 5309)
5309 (867 – 5309)
(repeat to fade)

Palin Opponents Say, “Fill Baby, Fill”

If you're stupid and you know it, make a fist!

In a blistering response to former ex-quitting governor of Alaska Sarah Palin’s FaceBook posting that environmentalists are to blame for the Gulf oil spill disaster, a new FaceBook group has emerged. The group is known as “1,000,000 People Who Want to Plug the BP Oil Spill with Sarah Palin“. The FaceBook page description reads as follows:

Sometimes, disaster calls for thinking outside the box. A radical departure from the norm, if you will.

And sometimes, the ability to shift your view, to change the paradigm, to think far beyond the conventional wisdom, gives you the opportunity to alter more than one mistake and give dual purpose – in other words, killing two birds with one stone.

Now, we have been presented with the opportunity to not only plug the worst oil spill in U.S. history, but also the opportunity to finally find a purpose for Sarah Palin the erstwhile former Vice-presidential candidate and current $100,000 a gig convention speaker.

Ms. Palin’s “Drill Baby Drill” showed her drive and initiative, and we have no doubt that when we hit one million people, she’ll show her resolve, and take one for the team, doing what no one else on earth has been able to do – stop the BP Oil spill disaster by allowing herself to be the plug that ends the 798,000 gallon-a-day leak that threatens to destroy our coasts.

Help stop the BP Oil leak!

They also offer T-shirts, mugs and tote bags for the cause. The motto: Don a swimsuit. Become a hero. Save the Planet!

Please do this great nation of ours a service and sign-up for this page.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Pretty Woman song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rlB_q6lJ5A

PETTY WOMAN

(sung to the Roy Orbison song “Pretty Woman”)

Petty woman, cannot take the heat
Petty woman, with her Twitter tweets
Petty Woman, I don’t believe you
Can tell the truth
No other crook’s as good as you
Mercy

Petty woman, that’s our Sarah P.
Petty woman, and her Glenn Beck buddy
Petty woman, and her other pal, Hannity
They all work for Fox TV

Petty woman, winks and smiles
Slutty flight attendant style
Petty woman thinks she’s “mav’ricky”
Petty woman will not say
What convention speeches pay
Petty woman speaks in Palineese

We will read you
FaceBook tonight
“Drill Baby-Baby”
You’re not too bright

Petty woman and “First Dude” guy
Built a fence that is, ten feet high
Petty woman, just go away
OK

Joe McGinniss can still see your ways
He sees your rabid foam of hate
You’re such a sorry sight
But wait, Joe now can see
Sarah Palin’s on TV
Yeah, she’s there on Fox TV
O-oh
Petty Woman

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 39

Just a few noteworthy news satellites that have been careening around the blogosphere this week…

BREAKING NEWS: BP has still been unable to cap the massive oil spill triggered by its and Hailliburton‘s and Transocean‘s negligence. The “let’s try to fill the thing with golf balls” method indicates the lack of repair alternatives remaining. We have also learned that the spill is some four times greater than BP led the US Government to believe, making it the largest oil spill in history. Meanwhile, Republicans (or should we call them “BPublicans”) and Tea-Baggers continue to clamor for less corporate regulation.

THIS JUST IN: The racist State of Arizona has elected to by-pass its own Attorney General to defend the state against lawsuits filed in opposition to the state’s new racial profiling immigration law. Instead, the state will hire costly outside private counsel because the state legislature and Governor Jan Brewer have a “lack of confidence in the Attorney General’s willingness to vigorously defend” When your state’s very own Attorney General feels a law is unconstitutional, you’ve got a problem. Now in addition to all the revenue lost as the result of the increasing boycott of all things Arizonan, the state’s taxpayers will be forced to spend even more money on outside private counsel.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Give ‘Em Enough Rope And They Are Sure To Hang Themselves” features Kentucky Republican Senate candidate Rand Paul. The Sarah Palin endorsed candidate that told us last week that he believes that private business should once again be allowed to racially  discriminate, now tells us that he wants so called “anchor babies” (children born in the US with parents not legally in the country) to be stripped of their US citizenship and deported. Problem is, the US Constitution says, “All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside.” Rand Paul, we hardly knew ye.

THIS JUST IN: Progressive liberals have another good chance to defeat an incumbent DINO. Arkansas Lt. Gov. Bill Halter is outpacing incumbent Blanche Lincoln in raising funds for the Democratic Party run-off election for the Arkansas US Senate seat. Lincoln you may recall, tends to vote against progressive causes and with the Republicans far too frequently. Please donate what you can to Bill Halter in an effort to put a true progressive in office.

BREAKING NEWS: Seems this whole Obama/Sestak thing is just a whole lot of nothing. That is of course, so long as you are a Ronald Reagan admirer. Take a look at this little piece from the PA in 1981,

Sen. S.I. Hayakawa on Wednesday spurned a Reagan administration suggestion that if he drops out of the crowded Republican Senate primary race in California, President Reagan would find him a job.

How will the Republicans react to the fact that the almighty Reagan seems to have been involved in the same sort of rough and tumble world of politics  as was Obama?

THIS JUST IN: Sarah Palin hired Bob the Builder to erect spite fence.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “How Low Can You Go” features Fox News’ very own village idiot, Glenn Beck. On his radio show, Beck alleged that Barack Obama’s 11 year old daughter, Malia was uneducated. Then while mocking the child’s voice, he asked the President, “Daddy, why do you hate black people”! Let’s see what Beck has to say the next time someone mentions one of Sarah Palin’s children.

Please click on the song link below to faniliarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody. This one was easy. We didn’t have to tinker too much with the original lyrics. Please enjoy.

Undone song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLMF5GM0Kt8

UNDONE

(sung to The Guess Who song “Undone”)

Beck’s come undone
He didn’t know what he was headed for
And by the time that Fox shows him the door
It’s much too late

Beck’s come undone
He’s either drinking or he’s getting high
And now his sponsors have gone bye-bye
That is Glenn’s fate

It’s too late
Beck’s gone too far
He’s all but done
Beck’s come undone
Avoids the truth while he shouts out his lies
Now he has to realize
Redemption’s too late

Beck’s come undone
He’s like a little mouse that tries to roar
A TV host that most of us abhor
A victim of his fate

It’s too late
Beck’s no Bill Maher
He is no fun
Beck’s come undone

Too many branches, but not enough Christmas lights
Too many falsehoods and not enough truth
Too many people with too many eyes to see
Too many lies to tell, but not in prime-time

It’s too late
He’s over par
(that was a pun)
Beck’s come undone
(Doe-doe-doe-doe-doe-doe- un doe-doe-doe un doe-doe-doe)
(Doe-doe-doe-doe-doe un doe-doe-doe doe-doe-doe)
(Doe doe-doe-doe doe doe-doe-doe doe doe)

(musical interlude)

It’s too late
Feathered and tarred
He’s dazed and stunned
Beck’s come undone
He didn’t know what he was headed for
And now he’s much worse than the day before
It is too late

Beck’s come undone
He’s like a fountain spewing out just lies
And sometimes he just sits there and cries
Glenn Beck’s character traits

It’s too late
Beck’s gone too far
He’s a no-one
Beck’s come undone
(No no-no-no-no-no-no)
(Doe doe doe-doe)

Monday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 38

Just a few noteworthy news satellites that have been careening around the blogosphere this week…

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Did Somebody Actually Vote For This Guy?” features Tea-Bagger favorite Rand Paul who won the Kentucky Republican Senate primary election last Tuesday. After his victory, not only did we learn that he is a racist that would like it to be legal for private businesses to discriminate, but then he defended BP and called President Obama “un-American” for his tough stance against the oil spill culprit. Let’s get this straight, it is un-American to hold a British foreign corporation liable for causing potentially the most devastating environmental disaster in US history and then trying to shift the blame elsewhere? Heck, then it must have been really, really, really un-American for the founding fathers to declare war on those same British merely for taxing our tea bags!

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Don’t let The Facts Get In The Way of A Good Story” features the “Turd Blossom” himself. Karl Rove, former President George Bush’s top adviser, while hawking his new book this week, declared that Bush “never allowed” staffers to call their opposition “disparaging labels,” or “question their motives“. His words…

President Bush, for example, never allowed a White House staffer or administration spokesman to go out and do what this administration and our predecessor routinely did — that is to engage in calling the leaders of the opposition party disparaging labels and question their motives.

Oh really Karl? How about in your 2007 speech when you directly challenged the “motives” of your political opponents when you implied that Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL) intentionally used rhetoric that would endanger American soldiers? You said,

Let me just put this in fairly simple terms: Al Jazeera now broadcasts the words of Senator Durbin to the mideast, certainly putting our troops in greater danger. No more needs to be said about the motives of liberals.

Or how about when you questioned the patriotism of candidate Barack Obama for not wearing a flag pin when neither were you? Rove, you are a putz!

BREAKING NEWS: The good news of the week is that the Gulf Oil spill may be only 19 times greater than what BP originally told us.

THIS JUST IN: When moonbat crazy Republican Senator Michele Bachmann of Minnesota says, “No New Taxes” she means it. It was revealed this week that Bachmann “The Birther” has neglected to pay the property taxes owed on her million dollar home.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Your MySpace Page Said What?” features former Rand Paul campaign spokesperson Chris Hightower who’s MySpace page in 2008 said “Happy Nig_ _ r Day!!!” and featured a photo of a hanging man. Don’t believe me?

‘Nuff said about Rand Paul and friends.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Meet The Press” features Tea-Party darling and Republican nominee for Kentucky’s US Senate seat, Rand Paul. Oops, wait a second…what’s that? Rand Paul has just canceled his scheduled appearance on Meet The Press this morning? Why would he do that? Isn’t this the honeymoon period after his election victory on Tuesday?

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Oops, I Did It Again” features Indiana’s conservative Congressman Mark Souder who resigned this week after it was revealed that he has been carrying on an extramarital affair with a staff member. We thought that type of behavior was mandatory to be a member of the Republican Party. Let’s look at our ever growing list of philandering Republicans:

Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford, Paul Stanley, Mike Duvall and now…Mark Souder.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Addams Family television theme  song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVRX_5tGOlo&feature=related

THE HORNY G.O.P.

(sung to the television theme song “The Addams Family”)

They’re creepy and they’re horny
Their dialect is corny
Morality is phony
The shady G.O.P.

If you’re in a museum
It’s real easy to see ‘em
With pants down to their knees’m
The dodgy G.O.P.

(Cheat)
(Beat)
(Their meat)

They always get their ball on
And that’s the sword they fall on
Another gal to crawl on
The horny G.O.P.


Sarah Palin Has Dirty Oil On Her Hands But Not On Her Conscience

Silence is golden. If only we could get a little of that from Sarah Palin. You would think that the educationally challenged former ex-quitting Governor of Alaska would realize that in light of the recent Gulf Coast oil rig disaster, now is not the time to extol the benefits of more off-shore oil drilling. Then again, you would also think that an interview blowing, turkey head grinding, “death panel” lying, crib note relying, logic defying, Tea-Bagger buying, spotlight eyeing narcissist would not be capable of maintaining the interest of the “lamestream” media. Ah, but such is apparently not the case.

Last Friday Palin took to her Facebook page to “pipe-in” on the recent disaster while demanding more drilling immediately and without any preliminary study on the feasibility of making the practice more safe not only for the environment but for the men and women that work on those rigs. Remember, eleven people lost their lives as the result of corporate malfeasance. Palin said,

Alaskans understand the tragedy of an oil spill, and we’ve taken steps to do all we can to prevent another Exxon tragedy, but we are still pro-development.
[…]
I repeat the slogan “drill here, drill now” not out of naivete or disregard for the tragic consequences of oil spills – my family and my state and I know firsthand those consequences.

Wait a minute. If she repeats the slogan “drill here, drill now” not out of naivete or disregard, then what is her reasoning? Sarah would you please expound on that a little? We await your incomprehensible response with baited breath.

Oh, yippee! She spoke again on Saturday in Missouri before a bunch of Republicans. Inasmuch as Missouri is the “Show Me” state, we are sure that Ms. Quittypants would feel compelled to show the audience some facts to support what she is talking about, right?

Not so fast. Palin deemed the oil spill to be “very tragic”, but she then told her audience,… ready for this? “I want our country to be able to trust the oil industry”. Trust the oil industry? Perhaps we should trust Halliburton, Blackwater and Goldman Sachs too. Did the Exxon-Valdez disaster in her own backyard not teach the brain-dead corporate lackey a little something about the type of trust that can placed on oil companies?

Sarah Palin is simply as stupid as stupid comes.

EXTRA

Congratulations to the Boston Bruins for their thrilling Game 2 victory over the Philadelphia Flyers last night by a score of 3-2. The Bruins now lead the series 2 games to none with the series shifting to Philadelphia tomorrow for the next two games, ‘Here we go, Bruins, here we go!”

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

Life In The Fast Lane song link: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3sg5y_the-eagles-life-in-the-fast-lane-he_music

PIPE IN THE GASOLINE

(sung to the Eagles song “Life In The Fast Lane”)

Todd was a school dropout man, he was brain dead and then some
And Sarah was not really witty
They both hooked up and thought they looked so handsome
In the heart of Wasilla city
She had a nasty reputation and he was “First Dude”
The Palins were ruthless when it came to crude
They had one thing in common
With old Uncle Jed
She said, “Drill Baby Drill”
Till Mother Nature’s dead

Pipe in the gasoline
Sarah likes to wail and whine
Pipe in the gasoline

Are you with me so far?

The plan needed action, so said the dame
A bigger attraction than old John McCain
She called on Joe The Plumber
But she needed more pull
So she called on Joe Sixpack
Did the lipsticked pitbull
Those pipe-lines on the landscape, could seal her fate
So long as she had her cronies spreading politics of hate
The Palin fan base is not very bright
They are all old, straight and male and all of them are white, don’t doubt it

Pipe in the gasoline
Sarah likes to wail and whine
Pipe in the gasoline
Pipe in the gasoline
Oil revenue is fine
Pipe in the gasoline

(musical interlude)

Drilling and boring, blinded by thirst
She couldn’t handle Gibson
Katie Couric was worse
She said, listen people, don’t you know I’m “mavericky”?
I can see Russia from my house, even Tina Fey agrees
Mac said, call Rush Limbaugh, I think we’re gonna crash
The polls are heading downward and we need some instant cash
They were lookin’ for some leeway
The election was lost
She didn’t care there was oil ‘neath that permafrost, so it was

Pipe in the gasoline
Sarah likes to wail and whine
Pipe in the gasoline
Pipe in the gasoline
Oil revenue is fine
Pipe in the gasoline

Pipe in the gasoline
Pipe in the gasoline