Blog Archives

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 55

Just a few newsworthy events (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS: Remember Doug Hoffman? Sure you do. He was one of the first Tea-Baggers that Sarah Palin endorsed last year. Palin endorsed him in the special election for New York’s 23rd District congressional race instead of the Republican candidate. As the result of Hoffman’s injection in the race, the Republican vote was split, the Republican candidate Dede Scozzafava dropped out of the race and endorsed Democrat Bill Owens and Owens ran away with a huge victory in the election. Somehow Palin managed to help the Democrats win a seat that they had not held for over 100 years. Well, not to be forgotten, Hoffman decided to throw his hat into the regularly scheduled race for the same seat this year. He has also modeled himself after after Sarah Palin because we learned last Tuesday, that like his BFF, he has quit the race. Sarah Palin sure has a way of rubbing off on Tea-Baggers. Vote Democrat Bill Owens!

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Damn It, They Caught Me!” features Rand Paul, the moonbat-crazy Tea Party/Republican nominee for a Kentucky U.S. Senate seat. Paul is the guy who disagrees with the 14th Amendment’s prohibition against racial discrimination in privately owned places of public accomodation such as lunch counters and busses. He has also said that Medicaid is a form of “intergenerational warfare”. What he has not admitted to however is that 50% of his medical practice’s income is in the form of Medicare and Medicaid payments. Vote Democrat Jack Conway in Kentucky!

BREAKING NEWS: Sarah Palin let slip Tuesday that Dancing With The Stars wanted her husband, Todd “First Dude” Palin to be a contestant – but she didn’t say if he was sought out instead of her daughter Bristol, who is currently appearing on the show and narrowly advanced to the fourth week of competition. “They wanted Todd to be on the show,” Palin remarked during a speaking appearance in Houston. “I think that would have been cool to see, too. But here Bristol is, out of her comfort zone, doing something all new.” Is Sarah implying that ballroom dancing is within Todd’s “comfort zone”? Please Sarah, tell us more.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Out-Foxed” stars, you guessed it, Fox News. The unfair and unbalanced news network was embarrassed last week when it falsely reported that the Los Angeles police purchased 10,000 jet-packs at a cost of $ 100,000.00 each to patrol the city’s streets. Fox’s crack mathematics team was apparently unable to figure out the total price of the fictitious purchase would have been well out of reach for the city in that it equaled ONE BILLION DOLLARS! Need we even mention that Fox picked up the story from the crazy tabloid newspaper known as The World Daily News and ran with it without a fact check? We didn’t think so.

BREAKING NEWS: Joe Miller, the moon-bat, crazy Sarah Palin endorsed Tea Party/Republican nominee for one of Alaska’s U.S. Senate seats has proclaimed that he believes that unemployment benefits are unconstitutional. He has not however, stated whether his wife is unconstitutional inasmuch as it was revealed last week that she actually accepted unemployment benefits after having worked as her husband’s clerk in 2002 when he was a federal magistrate. Just another case of Tea Party/Republican “do as I say, not as I do”. Vote Democrat Scott McAdams!

THIS JUST IN: A new poll indicates that the Democrats have double digit leads in all three races at the top of the ballot in New York this year. According to a CNN/Time/Opinion Research Corporation survey released Wednesday, New York State Attorney General and Democratic gubernatorial nominee Andrew Cuomo holds a 14 point advantage over Republican nominee Carl Paladino, a Buffalo businessman and developer. According to the survey, New York’s two incumbent Democratic senators are leading their Republican challengers by double digits. Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand tops Joseph DioGuardi, her GOP opponent, 55 to 41 percent among likely voters, and Sen. Chuck Schumer leads his little known GOP challenger Jay Townsend 57 to 41 percent. Go Democrats!

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Whack-Jobs Flying Under The Radar” features former Pennsylvania Senator Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum. The chairman of the National Man-Dog Love Association (NAMDLA) has formed a political action committee in Iowa. The forming of a PAC is one indication that a person is testing the waters for a future candidacy. Could it be for President? Let’s hope so, because the Republican primary needs all the crazies it can get.

THIS JUST IN: In the category of “Sometimes These Things Just Write Themselves“, we have Tea Party/Republican candidate for U.S. Senator from Delaware, Christine “Black Magic Woman” O’Donnell. The New York Times revealed last week that the evolution-denying candidate’s father had a television role playing Bozo the Clown. All we can say is, if nothing else, Christine sure has some big shoes to fill!

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Let’s Watch Rand Paul Lie” features who else but Rand Paul the lying Tea Party/Republican candidate for a Kentucky U.S. Senate seat. let’s go directly to Paul’s most recent campaign ad and then his Democratic opponent, Jack Conway‘s response ad. This is a real doozy.

 

GO PACKERS!!!

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

A Day In The Life song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=di7fKh3Vbj8&feature=related

A DAY IN THE LIFE (OF THE G.O.P.)

(sung to the Beatles song “A Day In The Life”)

I read the news today oh, boy
About a senator who made the grade
And though the news was rather sad
Well, I just had to laugh
Is there a photograph?
John Ensign’s tryst will leave a scar
A “family values” guy who’s values changed
His dirty laundry will be aired
We’ve seen his kind before
In hypocrisy the G.O.P. wins all of the awards

I watched the news today oh, boy
Seems David Vitter spent time with a whore
It was a girl so he’s not gay
But here’s the funny hook
It’s all in her book
He’d love to make her gone

Horned up and out of bed
Larry Craig needed some head
Went to the airport to find a pup
Things looking up, he thought he found some bait
Found a leg to give a pat
Caught a bust in seconds flat
Gave a poor excuse when the news broke
Just another joke in the dirty G.O.P.
Ah, ah,ah, ah, ah, ah ,ah ……….

I read the news today oh, boy
The Sunshine State’s Mark Foley is a queer
These guys spew hate but have no balls
The party’s sure to fall
Hypocritical A-holes heading straight into a wall
They’d love to turn you on

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G.O.P. Believes Palin Must Be Destroyed

Sarah Palin's wedding photo.

What with the media’s breathless coverage of her every tweet, Fox News’ willingness to utilize her as a guest host on nearly all of its fictionalized prime time programs and her conservative following’s near pious devotion, one would think that Sarah Palin would be the darling of the leaderless Republican Party. Such is not the case. In fact, the G.O.P. is beginning to realize that the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska may be the catalyst for the marginalization of “The Party of Lincoln”. In short, Sarah Palin may cause the demise of the Republicans.

Just two short years ago almost nobody had ever heard of Sarah Palin. The G.O.P. was led by such familiar names as Mitt Romney, Rudy Giuliani, a resurgent Newt Gingrich and the actor Fred Thompson. Then the unexpected happened. Somehow the centrist John McCain won the Republican Presidential nomination. McCain however, was trailing Democrat Barack Obama by such a wide margin that he was forced to do something drastic in order to draw some attention to his campaign. Much like the literary Dr. Frankenstein, McCain was compelled to create some life from scratch. He stitched together some uber-right-wing conservatism, some female DNA, some down-home colloquialisms, a beehive hairdo and some rimless glasses. His handmade creation was Sarah Palin.

Much like Dr. Frankentein’s monster however, the McCain creation also suffered from some fatal flaws. They both had a damaged brain. Each became stronger and more identifiable than its creator. Both wreaked havoc on society and in the end, the Frankenstein monster and Sarah Palin each turned against their respective creators.

The Palin thing was alive, ALIVE! This 21st century mindless monster quit her job and stumbled out of the wilds of Alaska on her way to the Lower 48. Unable to master the written word, the pathetic creature hired a ghostwriter to pen her fictitious memoir. Unable to master the spoken word, Palin turned to Twitter and Facebook as her means of communication. Unable to appear human on television, she was forced to appear repeatedly on Fox News. The thing that became known as PALIN  sowed fear into the hearts of all uneducated conservatives with her horrific tales of “death panels”, the godless land of Russia that she could see by means of her super-human vision and of her arch enemy, the would-be monster slayer, Joe McGinniss.

Unlike the Frankenstein monster however, the Palin thing began to amass a large and adoring following. Sure, these devotees were comprised of racist, white, uneducated homophobes from the lowest rung of the food chain, but beggars can’t be choosers. The Palin thing’s fan base became known as the Tea Party (presumably because it is believed that something was slipped into their tea). These Tea-Baggers are a mindless lot that confusingly wants no government control over their government controlled Medicare and Social Security benefits. They hate the Obama administration because of his fictitious tax increases despite the fact that over 95% of them have actually benefited from the President’s middle class tax cuts. These Tea-Baggers have crowned the Palin thing as their de facto queen.

The Palin thing’s Tea Party royalty status is the biggest problem for the creature’s former party.  Before John McCain’s monster was created, the whacko Tea-Baggers were all firmly entrenched members of the Republican Party. They voted in lockstep for every Republican they could find thereby ensuring at least some electoral success for the party. The creation of the Palin thing has changed all of that. The Tea-Baggers are now actively seeking candidates from within their own super-radical ranks. These Tea Party candidates are so out of the mainstream that they oppose meaningful portions of the Civil Rights Act (Rand Paul). They hope to privatize Social Security, criminalize the consumption of alcohol, deregulate the oil industry (despite the Gulf oil spill), abolish the Dept. of Education and even remove fluoride from the nation’s water supply (Sharron Angle). This is crazy stuff that will draw votes away from Republicans in favor of unelectable radicals and the Palin thing adds to the chaos by endorsing these candidates.

Remember, it was only last November when we witnessed the damage inflicted on the Republican Party by the Palin monster. As you will recall, New York’s 23rd Congressional District seat had been held by the Republicans since the Civil War. In the most recent election the G.O.P. nominee was the popular and relatively centrist Dede Scozzafava. The Democratic Party candidate was the virtually unknown Bill Owens. The Palin thing and her minions in the Tea Party however, felt that Scozzafava was too liberal so they endorsed the conservative radical nut-job Doug Hoffman. Result? Scozzafava (R) dropped out of the race and Owens (D) easily defeated Hoffman (TB’er) and the Democrats captured a seat that they had not held for over a century. Damage done.

The Republican Party now justifiably fears that the Palin thing and her Tea-Bagger followers may cost the G.O.P. victories (and ensure Democratic victories) in any number of races in which the Tea Party fields a candidate. Consequently, it may be just the right time for the Republican faithful to pick up their pitchforks and burning torches and head to Castle Palin while shouting the mantra, “Palin Must Be Destroyed”.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Theme song to the 1960′s television sit-com, The Addams Family: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVRX_5tGOlo

THE PALIN FAMILY

(sung to the theme of “The Addams Family”)

Their creepy and their brain-dead
Ingested way too much lead
Kids born before they were wed,
The Palin Family

Her dialect is grating
Her beehive irritating
Daughters always mating
The Palin Family

(Wink)
(Blink)
(Missing Link)

So put your muckluks on now
And join their nightly pow-wow
It’s certainly not highbrow
The Palin Family.

Rush Limbaugh Is A Talking Turd

LimbaughTurd

When will Jabba The Rush simply melt into his drug addled body and get flushed down the commode of right-wing hate mongering? This laughable, uneducated (no college degree for him), unfaithful (multiple marriages), drug addicted (self admitted) bloviator was, at one time, a strong voice of opposition to the Democratic Party. Limbaugh has now however, become a pivotal player in the self destruction of the Republican Party. Everything he touches turns to excrement.

Consider for instance, his 2008 “Operation Chaos” in which he urged conservatives to briefly register as Independents so that they could vote for Hilary Clinton in Democratic Party primaries in an effort to prevent Barack Obama from capturing the presidential nomination. Limbaugh’s plan backfired in two ways. First of all, it was unsuccessful in that Obama won the Democratic nomination anyway and then went on to resoundingly defeat the Republican in the general election to capture the White House. Perhaps more damaging to the Republican Party however, was that many of those party switchers maintained their Independent affiliation thereby diminishing Republican Party voter registration to historical lows.

The most recent Limbaugh disaster occurred just last week in the election to fill the House of Representives seat for the 23rd District of New York. That seat has been held by a Republican since the 1870’s but was vacant because the most recent congressman was tapped by the Obama Administration to be Secretary of the Army. The local Republican Party nominated moderate Dede Scozzafava as their candidate in the special election to run against Democratic Party nominee, Bill Owens. Limbaugh however, felt that Scozzafava was too moderate and therefore he implored his listeners to support the ultra-conservative third party candidate Doug Hoffman. Ultimately, the Republican candidate dropped out of the race and endorsed the Democratic Party candidate. The Republican vote was divided and the Democratic Party captured the seat for the first time in over 130 years. Rush Limbaugh’s interference once again damaged the Republican Party.

If this keeps up, Rush Limbaugh will become the face of what once was the Republican Party.

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the song and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Mockingbird song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeOqD3uMIRs&feature=related

TALKING TURD

(sung to the Carly Simon/James Taylor song “Mockingbird”)

Talk (yeah) ing (yeah) turd (yeah)
Yeah (yeah)
Talking Turd

Now, everybody sure has heard
Rush Limbaugh the big fat talking turd
That loudmouth talking turd is king
Of all those racists in the right-wing
But those in the right-wing front line
Are busy planning for their next hate crime
And that’s why I keep on tellin’ everybody
Say yeah, yeah whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh

Hear me now and understand
Rush lives only to hate and malign
And if ratings decline someday
Limbaugh will spread hate in another way
And if that other way makes dough
He’ll ride with the tide and go with the flow
And that’s why I keep on shoutin’ in your ear
Say yeah, yeah whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh

(musical interlude)

Now, everyone should doubt his word
Rush Limbaugh is just a talking turd
And when that talking turd does sing
We can tell he’s just a ding-a-ling
And when that ding-a-ling just whines
Yes, Republicans will still think he shines
And there’s a reason why I keep on tellin’ everybody
Say yeah, yeah no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

Listen now and understand
Rush Limbaugh surely has lost his mind
And though he drugged his mind away
The right-wing nuts still listen everyday
Like Sarah Palin and that Plumber, Joe
He’s a dead fish that just “goes with the flow”
And that’s the reason why he keeps on spreadin’ all that fear
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, now, now, baby

Sarah Palin and Republican Party Divorce Is Final (Updated)

mommy_stupid

The first important election day since President Obama won the White House is here today. This is also the day that might mark the official demise of Republicans as a viable political party. Regardless of whether New York’s 23rd District Congressional special election is won by the Democratic Party candidate or the third party Conservative Party candidate one thing is certain, the Republican Party will lose another seat in Congress. Despite the fact that the seat has been held by Republicans since the 1870’s and that the seat was most recently vacated by a popular Republican Congressman, the party now has no horse in this race. Republicans can thank Sarah Palin, Dick Armey and Glenn Beck for that.

In the eyes of Palin, Armey and Beck, the Republican party must be purged of all moderates so that only the wacky conservative wing will dictate policy. You are familiar with the wacky conservative wing aren’t you? You know, the Tea-Baggers, the Minutemen Militia, the Ku Klux Klan, Michele “Bat-Shit Crazy” Bachmann and the three aforementioned loonies. The problem is however, that only approximately 20% of the national electorate are registered as Republicans inclusive of the combined numbers of moderates and conservatives. The Palin clan’s plan of forcing Republican candidates to drop out of races by means of endorsing more conservative candidates from a bevy of third parties only ensures that membership in the Republican Party will continue to decrease. Only Palin and company could see any logic in this type of addition by subtraction. Then again, virtually all polling shows that conservatives do not fare well in education comparisons with liberals, so we cannot really blame them for not comprehending this funny math.

Hence, the future of the Republican Party appears to be doomed. Worse yet however, is that this new breed of ultra-conservative third party candidates appears to be as crazy and misguided as their supporters. The most vivid recent example of this is the aforementioned Conservative Party candidate in New York,  Doug Hoffman who recently said, “I pledge my sacred honor” to uphold Glenn Beck’s political principles. He also appeared on Beck’s radio show this week and referred to Beck as “his mentor.” If 23rd District voters send this guy to Washington they might then consider checking into the nervous hospital for a little electro-shock therapy. Let’s hope they see the light and elect Democrat, Bill Owens.

UPDATE: Palin and company have successfully wounded the Republican Party. Democrat, Bill Owens wins New York’s 23rd Congressional District. Republicans lose control of the seat that they held since the 1870’s. Good work, Sarah. Everything she touches turns foul.

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

California Dreamin’ song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xN9r0bWe78

CONSERVATIVE DREAMIN’

(sung to the Mamas & The Papas song “California Dreamin’”)

All their shirts are brown
(All their shirts are brown)
And their hair is grey
(And their hair is grey)
Listen to them talk
(Listen to them talk)
As they loudly pray
(As they loudly pray)
Scandal is their norm
(Scandal is their norm)
They have one every day
(They have one every day)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
And politics of hate

Members of John Birch
Some won’t admit they’re gay
But when they get down on their knees
(Get down on their knees)
That’s when they like to play
(When they like to play)
These slimy creatures should be told
(Creatures should be told)
Membership’s gone away
(Members gone away)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has led them all astray

(musical interlude)

Glenn Beck is a clown
(Glenn Beck is a clown)
What does Limbaugh weigh?
(What does Limbaugh weigh?)
Palin cannot talk
(Palin cannot talk)
She’s no Tina Fey
(She’s no Tina Fey)
Somebody should tell her
(Somebody should tell her)
To just go away
(To just go away)
Conservative dreamin’
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has become so cliché
(Conservative dreamin’)
Has lost all its cache´
(Conservative dreamin’)
Drives voters all away

Sarah Palin Contributes to G.O.P. Implosion

palin-winner-quits

With only 20% of the national electorate registered as Republicans, can the party withstand a further splintering of its membership? Sarah Palin, the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska apparently believes that it can or that a new more conservative third party can emerge to take its place. Case in point, the congressional race in New York’s 23rd District.

This upstate New York district has been solidly Republican since 1871, but times they are a changin’. The Republican nominee, Dede Scozzafava will face opposition not only from Democratic Party nominee Bill Owens, but also from Conservative Party nominee Doug Hoffman. Many conservative Republicans believe that Scozzafava is too moderate and consequently they may support the uber-right-wing Owens. Sarah Palin has joined the conservative crew and publicly endorsed the third party Owens. With regard to her decision, Palin posted on her Facebook page last Thursday as follows: “The Republican Party today has decided to choose a candidate who more than blurs the lines,” Palin wrote, “and there is no real difference between the Democrat and the Republican in this race.” Palin joins other prominent national Republicans such as Fred Thompson (he, of tv acting fame) and Dick Armey (he, of Tea-Bagging fame) in endorsing the non-Republican.

The end result of this Republican-Conservative in-fighting however, may be that the Democratic Party candidate Bill Owens benefits from the division of Republican votes. If so, for the first time in 139 years, a Democrat may represent New York’s Fightin’ 23rd. Let’s hope that such is the case.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGFlkcnZRFI&feature=related

SARAH IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS

(sung to the Beatles song “Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds”)

Picture yourself in a town called Wasilla
With convenience stores and endless strip malls
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly
A gal who’s fans cheer with cat-calls

Oil covered snowmen and Todd’s snow-machine
My God is that Uncle Jed?
Sarah’s the girl with Monkeys on her feet
Now, she’s gone

Sarah in the sky with diamonds
Sarah in the sky with diamonds
Sarah in the sky with diamonds
Ah… Ah…

Follow her down to a Bridge Off To Nowhere,
Where Sarah says, “No”, but then she still buys.
Everyone smile as she kisses Joe Sixpack,
She attracts the wackiest guys.

Newspaper headlines describe what she wore
Ebay jets take her away
SarahPAC funds all the money she’s spent
Now, she’s gone.

Sarah in the sky with diamonds
Sarah in the sky with diamonds
Sarah in the sky with diamonds
Ah… Ah…

Picture yourself sitting home on your cell-phone
Pondering all her insufferable lies
Suddenly someone “tweets” you from Ol’ Twitter
It’s Sarah and man is she fried.

Sarah in the sky with diamonds
Sarah in the sky with diamonds
Sarah in the sky with diamonds

Sarah in the sky with diamonds
Sarah in the sky with diamonds
Sarah in the sky with diamonds

(fading)