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Glenn Beck: Tears of A Rodeo Clown

Yes, that is the proverbial “Fat Lady” who you can hear singing. The show is now officially over. That’s right, we are finally rid of the hate-speak and misinformation-spewing Glenn Beck. Even the Republican propaganda arm known as Fox News finally realized that steadily declining ratings and the continued loss of millions of dollars in free market advertising dictated a divorce between the network and the crazy-man. In the end, even Fox News president Roger Ailes had his limits when it comes to a lost cause.

The break-up came after months of infighting between Beck and the network. The straw that broke the camel’s back however, was the fact that virtually all of the program’s sponsors fled along with their advertising revenue and Beck’s ratings have plummeted by approximately 40%. What show could withstand that type of double-whammy?

During its run, Beck’s show focused primarily on criticizing President Barack Obama. It is interesting to note that the program debuted on Fox News the day before President Obama took office It is also ironic to note that Obama will retain his position at the very least through 2012 while Beck will be long gone from Fox. That alone shows that Beck’s program was a massive “Mission Unaccomplished”. In fact, Glenn Beck’s steady fall from grace began in 2009 when he proclaimed that President Barack Obama has a “deep-seated hatred for white people”. That remark caused such a public backlash that over 300 advertisers pulled their commercials from his program.

Soon thereafter, Beck, the self-described rodeo clown, began to describe wacky conspiracies involving socialists, communists, leftists and Muslims all joining forces to infiltrate the Obama administration and then take down the world. Honestly, even Austin Powers’ arch enemy, the sinister Dr. Evil, could not come up with something that devilish. It appeared that he was having a mental breakdown on a nightly basis before our very eyes. He was reduced to tears more often than John Boehner. His television stage-set resembled the hidden-away attic classroom of an addle-minded professor who has been reduced to spewing unintelligible gibberish and writing inane code on a blackboard in a near empty classroom. His conspiracy theories were so wildly imaginative and unrealistic that even the other Fox hosts such as Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity steered well clear of all things Beckian. Simply stated, Glenn Beck had become a raving lunatic and a liability to Fox News.

Fox executives should have realized that Beck spelled trouble from the very beginning. He has no formal education or work experience in the world of politics. Glenn Beck’s college career consisted of ONE COURSE, not one semester mind you, but one course. His radio background consisted of merely a bunch of shock-jock jobs with a number of different stations. Add to that his history of alcohol and drug abuse, and you have a recipe for some kind of on-air nervous breakdown. That is exactly what we and Beck’s bosses seem to have been witnessing.

Don’t believe me? Watch this:

Need more evidence? let’s watch a few more of Beck highlights as well as his final exit:

That my friends is a caseload of canned-crazy. But now it is time to celebrate. This weekend we should celebrate not only the holiday which commemorates our great nation’s independence, but also the final departure of one of our great nation’s craziest wackos from the free public airwaves.

Lynnrockets wishes all of you and your’s a happy, healthy 4th of July Weekend!!!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Tears Of A Clown song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zww7FQILQec

TEARS OF A RODEO CLOWN

 (sung to the Smokey Robinson song “Tears of A Clown”)

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah

Now Fox wiped that smile from Beck’s face
Was only there trying to fool the public
And Glenn was a drug-abusing fool
And honey, since now we’re on the subject
Don’t you let Beck’s sad expression
Lead to misplaced adulation
Really Beck’s mad, and he’s sadder than sad
Beck’s gone and he’s hurtin’ so bad
Like a clown Beck pretends to be glad

Now there’s some mad things ‘bout this man
But ain’t too much sadder than
The tears of this clown, as Beck stumbles around
Uh hum, oh yeah Becky

Now if it appears Fox set him free
It’s only to minimize the badness
They want to conceal that wild-eyed guy
His sponsors all fled due to Beck’s madness
Fox won’t let his show continue
Beck has too many issues
He just had to go, along with his show
Glenn’s hurt and it really does show
That dumb Glenn Beck has lost his mojo, ooh yeah

Now there’s some mad things ‘bout this man
But ain’t too much sadder than
The tears of this clown, as Beck stumbles around
Oh yeah

Just like Liberace did
Glenn Beck lost it and flipped his lid
Telling conspiracy lies
Moisture filling his jaundiced eyes
The tears of a clown
And his faked sobbing sound, oh yeah baby

Yes, Fox wiped that smile from Beck’s face
Look at Ailes’ glad expression
He taught Glenn Beck a lesson
Don’t let the smile Beck wears
Make you think that he don’t care
Cuz really he’s sad…Beck’s hurting so bad…

Kids vs. Bachmann. Score: Kids 2 Bachmann 0

Two high-school students have done what the rest of America has failed to do. They have managed to scare Michele Bachmann into shutting her mouth. Each of these teens has challenged the moonbat-crazy Teapublican Rep. from Minnesota to a knowledge-based contest of sorts and on both occasions Bachmann has pulled her tail between her legs and slithered away from the competition.

First it was Amy Myers the 16 year old sophomore from Cherry Hill High School East in New Jersey who publicly challenged Bachmann to a debate on U.S. History. Her frustration with the factually-challenged Bachmann boiled over when the Representative claimed the battles of Lexington and Concord took place in New Hampshire, rather than in Massachusetts. The teen said, “It took until the 19th amendment for women to be able to vote, and now it seems like the most famous women in politics are kind of jokes. You’ve got Christine O’Donnell, who’s best known for her reputation as being a witch, then Sarah Palin, and the controversy with her and the shooting in Arizona, and then you’ve got Bachmann.”

Myers sent a letter via certified mail return receipt requested to Bachmann in which she issued the debate challenge. The text of Ms. Myers’ letter is as follows:

Dear Representative Bachmann,

My name is Amy Myers. I am a Cherry Hill, New Jersey sophomore attending Cherry Hill High School East. As a typical high school student, I have found quite a few of your statements regarding The Constitution of the United States, the quality of public school education and general U.S. civics matters to be factually incorrect, inaccurately applied or grossly distorted. The frequency and scope of these comments prompted me to write this letter.

Though I am not in your home district, or even your home state, you are a United States Representative of some prominence who is subject to national media coverage. News outlets and websites across this country profile your causes and viewpoints on a regular basis. As one of a handful of women in Congress, you hold a distinct privilege and responsibility to better represent your gender nationally. The statements you make help to serve an injustice to not only the position of Congresswoman, but women everywhere. Though politically expedient, incorrect comments cast a shadow on your person and by unfortunate proxy, both your supporters and detractors alike often generalize this shadow to women as a whole.

Rep. Bachmann, the frequent inability you have shown to accurately and factually present even the most basic information about the United States led me to submit the follow challenge, pitting my public education against your advanced legal education:

I, Amy Myers, do hereby challenge Representative Michele Bachmann to a Public Forum Debate and/or Fact Test on The Constitution of the United States, United States History and United States Civics.

Hopefully, we will be able to meet for such an event, as it would prove to be enlightening.

Sincerely yours,
Amy Myers

Michelle Bachmann’s response? Nothing. Nothing that is, except deafening silence.

The second high-school nemesis of Michele Bachmann is Zack Kopplin, a senior from Baton Rouge Magnet High School in Louisiana. Kopplin is upset that Bachmann is a strict creationist who favors the theory of intelligent design over evolution. Kopplin understands that Bachmann has a right to her own beliefs, but he will not allow her to misstate facts while doing so. For example, Bachmann has said, “there is a controversy among scientists about whether evolution is a fact … hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel prizes, believe in intelligent design.”

It is that statement that prompted young Kopplin to challenge Bachmann to name those scientists. He too has written a letter to Bachmann which states in pertinent part,

“Congresswoman Bachmann, I see your ‘hundreds’ of scientists, and raise you millions of scientists…For the next hand, I raise you 43 Nobel Laureate scientists. That’s right: 43 Nobel Laureate scientists have endorsed our effort to repeal Louisiana’s creationism law. … Congresswoman Bachmann, you claim that Nobel Laureates support creationism. Show me your hand. If you want to be taken seriously by voters while you run for President, back up your claims with facts. Can you match 43 Nobel Laureates, or do you fold?”

Michelle Bachmann’s response to this student? Nothing once again. Nothing once again that is, except deafening silence once again.

If Michele Bachmann is so very afraid of debating two high school students, imagine how entertaining it will be to watch her attempt to debate the likes of Mitt Romney or Tim Pawlenty during the 2012 primary season.

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Michele song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKvee-w0uBc

MICHELE

(Sung to the Beatles song “Michele”)

Michele, from Hell
These are words that go together well,
Weird Michelle.

Michele, do tell,
Do you even possess one brain cell
One tiny cell?

Just shut up, just shut up, just shut up
You have nothing to say
Would you just go away
And crawl back under that rock from whence you
Ca-ame yesterday.

Michele, Oh well,
You’ve been put under a right-wing spell
A sure death knell

On Fox News, on Fox News, on Fox News
That’s where you’ll always be
Republican TV
With Hannity and O’Reilly
And Coulter, the queen

We mock you…

We want you, we want you, we want you,
To leave the air-waves now
And lose your job somehow
Until you do we’re telling you so
You’ll understand.

Michele, farewell
Take with you that foul sulfuric smell
Sulfuric smell.

We will say the only words we know that
You’ll understand, “Go to Hell.”

Beck v. Meghan McCain, Cindy McCain v. Beck, Meghan McCain v. Beck and O’Reilly v. Beck

Glenn Beck is reduced to tears...again!

As we have said so many, many times in the past, “Is there anything more entertaining than watching conservatives/Republicans fight amongst themselves?” This week we were treated to a real dandy of a tag-team war of words. The pugilists were Glenn Beck, Meghan McCain, Cindy McCain and Bill O’Reilly.

The brouhaha began when Failed GOP presidential nominee John McCain’s daughter Meghan appeared with other scantily clad celebrities in a public service announcement which promoted the use of sunblock to prevent skin cancer.

The ad appeared to be a well intentioned method to draw attention to the correlation between the sun’s rays and skin cancer.

The ever-immature and uneducated Glenn Beck did not see it that way however. Rather than commenting upon the message of the ad, the soon-to-be former Fox News host chose to mimic a 10 year old. While discussing the ad and Meghan McCain’s physical appearance on his radio program, he repeatedly pretended to vomit at the sight of the young McCain. he even suggested that she cover herself with a burka “to be extra safe”.

After hearing what Beck said about her daughter, Cindy McCain responded on Twitter: “I’m so glad Glenn Beck is leaving Fox: Enough vitriol and hate. Glenn, you are no rodeo clown. They are decent and nice. You aren’t.”

Not to be outdone by mom, Meghan blasted Beck in a Daily Beast column. She held no punches when she wrote,

“As a person who is known for his hot body, you must find it easy to judge the weight fluctuations of others, especially young women. If any of your daughters are ever faced with some kind of criticism of their physical appearance or weight, they should call me, because women’s body image is another issue I feel passionate about, and have become accustomed to dealing with and speaking with young women about on my college tours.”

Before Beck could manage a counter-attack, the young McCain tore into him again when she wrote,

“While we’re on the subject of you vomiting on air, maybe we should have a little talk. Clearly you have a problem with me, and possibly women in general, but the truth is, it’s 2011 and I heard your show on Fox was canceled. Isn’t that an indication that the era of the shock-jock pundit is over? Don’t you think that’s a sign you should be pulling it back a little? I mean, if you’re too conservative and outrageous for Fox, that should tell you something. There really is no need to make something like my participation in a skin-cancer PSA into a sexist rant about my weight and physical appearance, because I’m going to let you in on a little secret, Glenn: you are the only one who looks bad in this scenario…”

Beck was teetering and on the verge of suffering a TKO when Fox News host Bill O’Reilly jumped into the fray. The big surprise however, was that the falafel-waving big-mouth did not come to the defense of his Fox News associate. No, O’Reilly piled-on with the McCains. With Beck appearing on his show last Friday, O’Reilly surprisingly said, “If I was Cindy McCain, I’d slap the hell out of you,” Then, he added that he would invite Cindy McCain to his offices and “I’ll let her beat the hell out of you.”

Senator John McCain then told CNN he wouldn’t “dignify” Beck’s behavior with a comment.

7…8…9…10… Glenn Beck is down and out for the count!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Desperado song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BwOXlGbW6Q

Desperado

(sung to the Eagles song “Desperado”)

Desperado, you better come to your senses
Your racist offenses, so public now
Oh, you’re a hard one
But this will be your last season
The Fox boys are teasin’ you
Your show’s all done now

After your unseemly cryin’, boy
We knew you were unstable
We have all seen you fall apart on your set

Now it seems to me, you don’t bring
One sane sentence to the table
But what could one expect from crazy Glenn Beck

Desperado, you better fetch that old plunger
You’ll soon be flushed under that porcelain throne
Your kingdom, your kingdom fell and it’s not all that shocking
You just kept on talking till you were all alone

Will your deep dark soul hibernate in slime?
Your name, Glenn Beck, constitutes a crime
As does most everything that you say
Your sponsors all fleeing your show
Ain’t it funny as we watch them go away?

Desperado, You’ve shown us all what nonsense is
The prevailing sense is, you only hate
Your tears are rainin’, cuz you know nobody loves you
The Lord in Heaven up above you
(heaven up above you)
The Lord in Heaven up above you will decide your fate

Beck Bounced By Beleaguered Boss

Last month’s New York Times report that moonbat-crazy Glenn Beck may be told to pack up his things and leave Fox News-Ville in December when his contract with the network expires has proven to be true. Fox News announced on Wednesday that Glenn Beck’s nightly Teapublican propaganda show will be terminated before year’s end. The break-up allegedly came after months of infighting between Beck and the network. The straw that broke the camel’s back however, was most likely the fact that virtually all of the program’s sponsors fled along with their advertising revenue and Beck’s ratings have plummeted by approximately 40%. What show could withstand that type of double-whammy?

During its run, Beck’s show focused primarily on criticizing President Barack Obama. It is interesting to note that the program debuted on Fox News the day before President Obama took office It is also ironic to note that Obama will retain his position at the very least through 2012 while Beck will be long gone from Fox. That alone shows that Beck’s program was a massive “Mission Unaccomplished”. In fact, Glenn Beck’s steady fall from grace began in 2009 when he proclaimed that President Barack Obama has a “deep-seated hatred for white people”. That remark caused such a public backlash that over 300 advertisers pulled their commercials from his program.

Soon thereafter, Beck began to describe wacky conspiracies involving socialists, communists, leftists and Muslims all joining forces to infiltrate the Obama administration and then take down the world. Honestly, even Austin Powers’ arch enemy, the sinister Dr. Evil, could not come up with something that devilish. It appeared that he was having a mental breakdown on a nightly basis before our very eyes. He was reduced to tears more often than John Boehner. His television stage-set resembled the hidden-away attic classroom of an addle-minded tenured professor who has been reduced to spewing unintelligible gibberish and writing inane code on a blackboard in front of which there are no longer any sane students. His conspiracy theories were so wildly imaginative and unrealistic that even the other Fox hosts such as Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity steered well clear of all things Beckian. Simply stated, Glenn Beck had become a raving lunatic and a liability to Fox News.

Fox executives should have realized that Beck spelled trouble from the very beginning. He has no formal education or work experience in the world of politics. Glenn Beck’s college career consisted of ONE COURSE, not one semester mind you, but one course. His radio background consisted of merely a bunch of shock-jock jobs with a number of different stations. Add to that his history of alcohol and drug abuse, and you have a recipe for some kind of on-air nervous breakdown. That is exactly what we and Beck’s bosses seem to have been witnessing of late.

Don’t believe me? Watch this:

Beck delivered his own on-air epithet Wednesday night. It was a strange and rambling diatribe in which he compared himself to Paul Revere and quoted “Macbeth”. He said,

“When I took this job I didn’t take it because it was going to be a career for me. Paul Revere did not get up on the horse and say, ‘I’m going to do this for the rest of my life.  He didn’t do it. He got off the horse at some point and fought in the revolution, and then he went back to silversmithing.”

He then went on to say,

“If I could prove my case that something wicked this way was coming, something in America was wrong, America would listen, and they have. I will continue to tell the story. Stick together. I’m going to be showing you other ways for us to connect. But I have other things to do.”

Thankfully for most sane Americans, Glenn Beck will not be showing us things and doing things on one of the largest cable networks in the nation for much longer. Ah Glenn, we hardly knew ye!

Please take at a look at my WRKO Boston talk radio-based blog also, too. It can be found here: Kevin’s Blog-A Liberal Dose of Reality.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Last Train To Clarksville song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KSHyXGy6XA

LAST TRAIN TO NUTSVILLE

(sung to the Monkees song “Last Train To Clarksville”)

Take the last train to Nutsville
Beck will meet you at the station
You can be there by four-thirty
Cuz Fox made your reservation
The Beck Show, oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!

Glenn lost his mind without warning
And it won’t be back again
Glenn Beck’s facing stormy weather
And it’s causing quite a strain
So, he must go, oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no

He might have a lobotomy on his dome.

Take the last train to Nutsville
Glenn Beck is their famous patient
If he’s not crying he’ll blow some kisses
But don’t attempt conversation
Oh… oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!

(conspiracy theory break)

Take the last train to Nutsville
That’s where Glenn Beck now calls home
We can’t hear him making noisy
Conversation all alone
He’s feelin’ low. Oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!

And I don’t think that Glenn finds another home.

(break with reality)

Take the last train to Nutsville
Beck will meet you at the station
He will look ragged and dirty
And in need of medication
Beck must go, oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!

And I don’t think that Glenn finds another home.

Take the last train to Nutsville
Take the last train to Nutsville
(repeat and fade)

Murdoch Tells Beck To Get The Fox Outta Here

The New York Times reports that moonbat-crazy Glenn Beck may be told to pack up his things and leave Fox News-Ville in December when his contract with the propaganda network expires.

Beck has lost more than a third of his audience since last August and it is easy to see why. He is having a mental breakdown on a nightly basis before our very eyes. His television stage-set resembles the hidden away attic classroom of an addle-minded tenured professor who has been reduced to spewing unintelligible gibberish and writing inane code on a blackboard in front of which there are no longer any sane students. His conspiracy theories are so wildly imaginative and unrealistic that even the other Fox hosts such as Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity steer well clear of all things Beckian. Simply stated, Glenn beck has become a raving lunatic and a liability to Fox News.

Glenn Beck’s steady fall from grace began in 2009 when he proclaimed that President Barack Obama has a “deep-seated hatred for white people”. That remark caused such a public backlash that that over 300 advertisers pulled their commercials from his program. Virtually his only remaining sponsors are gold-hawking economic doomsayers. The resultant startling loss of advertising revenue was not something the Fox network enjoyed. Soon thereafter, Beck began to describe wacky conspiracies involving socialists, communists, leftists and Muslims all joining forces to infiltrate the Obama administration and then take down the world. Honestly, even Austin Powers’ arch enemy, the sinister Dr. Evil, could not come up with something that devilish.

Fox executives should have realized that Beck spelled trouble from the very beginning. He has no formal education or work experience in the world of politics. Glenn Beck’s college career consisted of ONE COURSE, not one semester mind you, but one course. His radio background consisted of merely a bunch of shock-jock jobs with a number of different stations. Add to that his history of alcohol and drug abuse, and you have a recipe for some kind of on-air nervous breakdown. That is exactly what we and Beck’s bosses are witnessing at the moment. It is obvious that the network wants to rid itself of Beck’s huge salary and distance itself from his meltdown as soon as possible. For Fox News, December 2011 cannot come soon enough.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Always On My Mind” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-Xl17B-Z0A

GLENN BECK’S SIMPLY LOST HIS MIND

(sung to the Willie Nelson song “You Were Always On My Mind”)

Glennie, we didn’t love you
Quite as often as we could have
Still, our goal is to defeat you
Cut your audience in half

Limbaugh makes you feel second best
It is him you are behind
Glenn, you’ve simply lost your mind
Glenn, you’ve simply lost your mind

And maybe Fox should’ve told you
Your show is a waste of time
All those folks that you sell gold to
Would do best to keep their dimes

Crazy things that you have said and done
Show a brain that’s in decline
Glenn, you’ve simply lost your mind
Glenn, you’ve simply lost your mind

Glenn B.
Tell us some more big outrageous lies
Silly
Silly conspiracies made-up in your mind
You should be tranquilized

(crying break)

Crazy things that you have said and done
Show a brain that’s in decline
Beck has simply lost his mind
Beck has simply lost his mind
Beck has simply lost his mind
Beck has simply lost his mind

Sarah Palin: Wiil She Or Won’t She?

The ever unpredictable Sarah Palin is keeping the pundits guessing again. This time the question is: “Will she or won’t she run for President?” Last night she refused to even give her Fox News co-conspirator Bill O’Reilly the inside scoop. While appearing on “The O’Reilly Factor”, she only said that her decision as to whether she will run is still “months away”. Over at MSNBC however, host Lawrence O’Donnell has already declared that Palin will not run. He said that she is too beholden to her million dollar salary at Fox to give it up for a certain doomed presidential run. As you can see, the pundits’ opinions as to whether the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska are like sphincters. You know, everybody has one!

Nevertheless, we were treated to a couple of more in-depth and/or unique takes on Sarah Palin this week. The first was in a Boston Globe editorial by Scott Lehigh on Friday, titled “2012: Yes, Maybe and Unelectable”. Lehigh’s contention is that if “you start with the assumption that a candidate must have a plausible path to both the nomination and the presidency, the prospects of the might-be candidates fall into three categories: Believable, conceivable, and unachievable.” He places Sarah Palin in the category of “unachievable”.  Lehigh succinctly states that she was ,

“So far over her head in 2008 that some of John McCain’s own advisers fretted at the prospect of having her a septuagenarian heartbeat away from the presidency, Palin has hardly allayed doubts about herself since. If the GOP really wants a lighter-than-air disaster, why not just nominate the Hindenburg?”

By the way, Lehigh also places Newt Gingrich, Haley Barbour , Rick Santorum, Ron Paul and moonbat-crazy Michele Bachmann in the unachievable categaory. As for his insightful take on the rest of the GOP contenders and pretenders, please read his great editorial here.

Slate.com is also offering an innovative prognostication tool known as the “Palin Meter”. This device measures the percentage probability that Sarah Palin will run for the Presidency on a daily basis. For instance, as of March 3rd, Slate states that there is a 45% chance that she will run and that is 6% lower than the previous day. Slate describes the drop as resulting from Fox News‘ failure to suspend Palin as they did Gingrich and Santorum (who the network believes will both be running). Additionally, they predict that all of Palin’s recent poor polling may dissuade her. On the up-side however, Slate references Palin’s recent rash of tweeting and the fact that Dana Millbank’s “Palin-Free Month” has now ended. The website states, “Palin obviously wouldn’t have wanted to drop any big news without him along for the ride.”

Although we must all continue to speculate on a Palin candidacy, one thing is certain. Progressive bloggers everywhere are praying that Sarah Palin runs for President. The laughs will be off the charts if she is involved in any primary debates.

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Born To Run song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oL0YSYz4eo

BORN TO RUN

(sung to the Bruce Springsteen song “Born To Run”)

In the day she sweats it out on the streets, she’s a runner-up beauty pageant queen
At night she tears her hair out in worry atop Todd’s snow-machine
Hate filled rages at the five and dime
High heeled, misdirected and sporting a sixties beehive, Whoa
Wasilla town hopes she never comes back
She’s a dumb quack, a political hack
Sarah speaketh with a forked tongue
But tramps like her, baby they were born to run
(yes she will run)

Sarah’s got thin skin but she’ll run again
She can’t find work on television
SarahPAC will cater to her whims
Their dedicated to her mission
Together they will dish out crap
She’ll run till she drops, maybe from a heart attack, Whoa
All her friends, she’ll continue to hire
‘cause baby she wants to be the next “Decider”
But her wagon has lost all its wheels
She behaves like a little child girl, a pitbull refusing to heel
(full of baloney)

(Twitter break)

She’s filled with malice right down to the bones buried in her backyard
She casts no reflection in brand new mirrors
Like a vampire caught off guard
Her unfeeling heart, rises cold and dark
A dominatrix with an iron fist
She’s gonna try to befriend thee in the deep dark night
With a wink and a blown kiss, Huhh

(Facebook break)

(one two three four…)

She’s got a bunch of Fox News zeroes that fuel her hopes and drive
Sarah Palin likes you if you are white and have no use for gay pride
Every Wednesday she will give an address
That will reveal all the madness in her soul, Whoa
Someday girl, we don’t know when, you’ll learn that you’re a disgrace
Something we already know, her career will be done
But till then just like puss, Sarah will return to run

Oh, Sarah just like puss, baby we hope that you run

Please believe me, all of us baby, sure hope that you will run

Christine “I Am Not A Witch” O’Donnell Is Back – Yippee!

When Christine O’Donnell was absolutely demolished in last November’s Delaware Senatorial election by Democrat Christopher Coons, Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off feared that it had lost one of its best targets of ridicule. For those of you with short term memory loss, Christine O’Donnell was the Teapublican candidate with so much baggage that even the Queen Mary could not hold it all. She was embarrassed by Bill Maher when he released video tapes of her admitting that she “dabbled in witchcraft” and proclaimed that masturbation is a form of adultery. While appearing on Fox News‘ “The O’Reilly Factor” in 2007 she said, “American scientific companies are cross-breeding humans and animals and coming up with mice with fully functioning human brains.” She also said that “evolution is a myth” and the evidence is that “Why aren’t monkeys still evolving into humans?”. During a debate with Coons which took place at a law school, she revealed that she had no idea that the First Amendment is interpreted by the Supreme Court as requiring a separation of church and state. She also lied about having attended and/or graduated from at least three different colleges, Farleigh Dickenson University, Claremont Graduate University and even the prestigious University of Oxford. There is no questioning the fact that Christine O’Donnell is a whack-job of the first order.

While she was running for the Senate, Blast-Off was blessed with an unlimited supply of song parody material. Christine O’Donnell could go head-to-head with the Queen of Crazy, Sarah Palin on any given day. The two of them were a virtual tag-team of Tea-Bagging titillation. Throw in Sharron “2nd Amendment Remedies” Angle, and we had a trifecta of Tea Party triviality. But alas, we lost both O’Donnell and Angle when they went down in electoral defeat. Sarah Palin was our lone survivor….UNTIL NOW!

Just a week or two ago, Sharron Angle announced that she was pondering a run for the presidency in 2012. Then on Tuesday, Christine O’Donnell announced that she has formed a political action committee known as ChristinePAC and that she is seeking donations. In an email to her supporters, O’Donnell lashed out at the media and establishment Republicans by saying,

“I’m determined not to let them destroy our movement. If I stand alone, though, I’m no match for the liberal media and the political establishment. But, with us standing together to fight, they don’t have a chance! A strong ChristinePAC will enable me to counter the liberal-controlled GOP establishment in upcoming Congressional Primaries.”

Huh? Who knew the “GOP establishment” was “liberal-controlled”? Somebody better get on the phone quickly with Mitch McConnell and John Boehner (pronounced “boner”) to conirm this shocking revelation. As unexpected as those words were, it was not surprising that O’Donnell failed to directly mention the ongoing investigation by the Justice Department and the FBI concerning whether she improperly used campaign funds in past elections for personal use. Instead, the non-masurbator played the victim-card ala Sarah Palin and wrote, “You’ve probably heard about the latest smear on me.” Oh boy,she is as crazy as ever.

But that is not all. There is even more good news for Lynnrockets” Blast-Off. Christine O’Donnell is currently working on a book about the 2010 election that is scheduled to be published later this year. OH HAPPY DAY!!!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Witchcraft song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIZIBm2QGaM

WITCHCRAFT II

(sung to Frank Sinatra’s song “Witchcraft”)

This “Mama Grizzly” bear
That hails from Delaware
Christine O’Donnell snared
By witchcraft

And she’s got no defense for it
The heat is too intense for it
Palin has really stepped in it too

Christine’s witchcraft, wicked witchcraft
And she knows we know, it’s strictly taboo

Will this implode the Tea Party?
Confirming her insanity
Bringing down Palin and Angle too?

O’Donnell’s dug her ditch
Gay-baiting hate-fueled bitch
This tax evading witch is through

(masturbation break)

Christine’s witchcraft, her crazy witchcraft
Now we know that she’s been drinking her brew

Lied about her college degree
Non-masturbating prodigy
Renouncing Christianity too

Bill Maher is now the snitch
Who threw the strike-out pitch
Now we can bid this witch adieu!



The Alternative Universe Known As Fox News

Oh, where to begin?  If you are brave enough to ever tune into the Teapublican propaganda network known as Fox News, you will quickly realize that it is like visiting a parallel universe. Sort of a mirror image of the world we live in but where most things like logic, history and facts are diametrically opposite from those in our reality. You know, like when you gaze into the looking glass and notice that your left hand appears to be on the right and your hair is parted on the other side of your head? That is the world of the Fox News host and guests.

As evidence of this alternative reality, let’s take a gander at some of the things that happened in just the last week or so in the world of Fox. There was the absolute meltdown by Bill O’Reilly when milquetoast liberal Alan Colmes refused to sit idle when O’Reilly and co-host Monica Crowley (who, by the way, is Colmes sister-in-law) unequivocally said that members of the far left in this country are anti-American. The context of the discussion was criticism by O’Reilly and Crowley of former ABC News anchor Sam Donaldson when he praised Al Jazeera for continuing to cover the Egyptian uprising. Noting that Egypt had shut down Al Jazeera, Colmes said to O’Reilly and Crowley, “I would think a populist like you would support Al Jazeera and freedom of the press… I would think that as a journalist, you would take the side of Al Jazeera.” O’Reilly countered that his beef with Al Jazeera was its lack of balance, that there was never anyone on to counter its anti-American message. Oh, you can just taste the irony of a Fox host complaining about the imbalance of coverage on a news network. The next time that Glenn Beck or Sean Hannity has a credible Democratic guest on their programs to counter their criticisms of Barack Obama or Nancy Pelosi or Harry Reid will be the very first time. The best part of the program was when Colmes asked both O’Reilly and Crowley to specifically name a person on the far left who is anti-American and neither could or was willing to do so. Let’s go to the tape.

So let’s get this straight, O’Reilly and Crowley do not like Al Jazeera because it spreads propaganda and is not “fair and balanced”. Hmmm.

Next up, we have the aforementioned Glenn Beck. We really shouldn’t expect much sense from Beck in that his college education consisted of one course. Not one year or one semester mind you, ONE COURSE. If that were not enough to disqualify him from being considered a qualified news source, consider his multiple marriages and confessed drug and alcohol addiction as an indication of his lack of self control and commitment. This week Beck too chimed in on the Egyptian uprising and boy oh boy did he come up with the conspiracy theory to beat all conspiracy theories. In short, he stated that the long-oppressed Egyptian people are in the streets protesting an autocratic leader because of a plan written in The Coming Insurrection, which is an obscure book that French police believe was written by a member of a small group of anarchists. He then claims that the result of the Egyptian protest will be….Oh, let’s just read it in Beck’s own words…

I believe that I can make a case in the end that there are three powers that you will see really emerge. One, a Muslim caliphate that controls the Mideast and parts of Europe. Two, China, that will control Asia, the southern half of Africa, part of the Middle East, Australia, maybe New Zealand, and God only knows what else. And Russia, which will control all of the old former Soviet Union bloc, plus maybe the Netherlands. I’m not really sure. But their strong arm is coming. That leaves us and South America. What happens to us?

These are nothing other than the crazed rantings of a delusional person. Thus, they are the perfect stuff to broadcast on Fox News. Is it any wonder that Glenn Beck has lost virtually all of his sponsors and at least a third of his audience in the last year?

Shall we move on to Sean Hannity? His take on the certain outcome of the Egyptian uprising is that there cannot be a resultant democracy. In fact he said that the only popular uprising he knows of which has ever resulted in a democracy was in Iraq. Now putting aside for the moment the fact that there was no “popular uprising” in Iraq and that actually the United States invaded Iraq and toppled its government, Hannity is still an imbecile when it comes to historical uprisings. Indeed, it took comedian Stephen Colbert to remind him of the popular uprisings in the Czech Republic, India, France, Poland, East Germany and THE UNITED STATES, all of which resulted in democracies.

Over at Fox News they certainly have a strange crew that has been drinking some strange brew. I bet you Rocketeers can guess where this one is going!

“Strange Brew” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_NholHANoY

STRANGE CREW

(sung to the Cream song “Strange Brew”)

Strange crew
They’ve got there at Fox News

Does that Sean Hannity have a new hairdo?
And will Bill O’Reilly go back on “The View”
No clue
And what will Glenn Beck do?

Strange crew
They’ve got there at Fox News

There’s a long-faced sullen man that’s named Brit Hume
And a blonde-haired guy named Ann Coulter, too
Pee-you
That’s just to name a few

Strange crew
They’ve got there at Fox News

(Misinformation break)

They have a dumb Alaskan known as Sarah P.
And a weekend wimp named Mike Huckabee
Good Lord
Could they be more abhorred?

Strange crew
They’ve got there at Fox News

Strange crew, strange crew
Strange crew, strange crew

Strange crew
They’ve got there at Fox News

Fox News: It’s All Fun And Games Until Somebody Gets Killed

The next time you hear some Fox News host or commentator deny that the network engages in hate-speech and calls to violence, or better yet, proclaims that it is the left that primarily fosters an environment of hatred and violence, please send the network a copy of the following article. It originally appeared in a November 10, 2010 piece from Fairness and Accuracy In Reporting (FAIR) and was republished on Monday by Truth-Out.org.

FOX NEWS: THE NO. I NAME IN MURDER FANTASIES

Bill O’Reilly’s recent “joke” about decapitating Washington Post columnist Dana Milbank was only the latest example of a demented Fox News culture that permits on-air personalities to fantasize about assassination and other forms of violence against those deemed enemies of the station, its personalities or their worldview.

During the cable channel’s 2008 election coverage, in what she later called an attempt at humor, Fox News contributor Liz Trotta linked Osama bin Laden to Barack Obama as people who both should be assassinated:

And now we have what some are reading as a suggestion that somebody knock off Osama, uh Obama. Well, both, if we could.

A week before Trotta’s “joke,” Republican primary candidate Mike Huckabee was apologizing for his own Obama assassination quip. Addressing a gathering of the National Rifle Association, Huckabee joked that a loud thud heard backstage during his address was Barack Obama diving to the floor to avoid gun shots. Months later, Huckabee was given his own Fox News show.

With its biggest new star, Glenn Beck, Fox News hired a host well-known for on-air death fantasies–for instance, chattering about killing filmmaker Michael Moore with his bare hands and hoping out loud that Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D.-Ohio) would burn to death. In a Fox News skit in September 2009, Beck portrayed himself poisoning Democratic House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

It’s a culture that apparently filters down to Fox News viewers and supporters. Over the years Fox Nation, the Fox News “owned and operated” fan website, has regularly featured comments expressing the desire to see Barack Obama’s assassinated.

Yesterday News Hounds (11/8/10) published a collection of such quotes, some of which can still be read at on the Fox site. Fox Nation purports to be self-policing, to depend on readers to report inappropriate and irresponsible remarks for removal. Apparently presidential assassination fantasies fall short of Fox Nation‘s standards for inappropriate or irresponsible commentary.

Recent examples of these assassination fantasies on Fox Nation include comments calling for President Obama to “get what Kennedy got,” for the CIA to “take this pres down” and a warning to the president that the Koran “ain’t thick enough to stop a .308 round.”

There is some evidence that Fox‘s murder fantasy culture has already helped to spark violent action. Reporting for Media Matters, journalist John Hamilton tells the story of Byron Williams, a Beck devotee who engaged in a shootout that injured two California Highway Patrol officers in July. After his apprehension, Williams told police he’d intended to travel Oakland California to kill people at the offices of the Tides Foundation and the ACLU.

In a jailhouse interview in which he described the right-wing media sources that informed his views, Williams returned again and again to Glenn Beck:

I would have never started watching Fox News if it wasn’t for the fact that Beck was on there. And it was the things that he did, it was the things he exposed that blew my mind.

Among the things Beck did, according to Hamilton, was attack the Tides Foundation in 29 separate Fox News shows in the 18 months leading up to Williams’ foiled mission to Oakland.

Moreover, as the ADL reports, Pittsburgh’s Richard Poplawski was so inspired by Beck’s anti-government conspiracy theories, he reposted to a neo-Nazi website tape of Beck suggesting the government was building concentration camps for dissidents–before he was arrested after a shootout with police that left three officers dead.

If this all wasn’t so deadly serious it would be seriously funny, because O’Reilly has spent years accusing liberal and progressive websites of fomenting hate speech. O’Reilly’s crusade largely targets the comment and open forum sections of such websites, highlighting comments that generally pale in comparison to those broadcast on Fox and posted on Fox Nation. To add to the irony, when O’Reilly is called out for failing to make distinctions between the editorial content and comment sections of these websites, he argues that the groups are responsible for everything on their websites:

Open forum is bull…. You can regulate what’s on your website.

When it comes to hypocrisy and Fox News, you really can’t make this stuff up.

The hostility behind O’Reilly’s creepy Milbank beheading joke was on display when the host appeared to make a veiled threat toward Milbank’s boss in an appearance on another Fox show. Apparently angered that Washington Post editorial page editor Fred Hiatt permitted Milbank to publish columns critical of Fox News, O’Reilly had Fox host Megyn Kelly put a picture of Hiatt up on the screen, and told her audience:

This is the editor, Milbank’s editor, Fred Hiatt. And Fred won’t do anything about Milbank lying in his column. I just want everybody in America to know what the Washington Post has come to. All right, you can take Fred’s picture off. Fred, have a nice weekend, buddy.

(Later in the same appearance, O’Reilly suggested that the host join him in physically assaulting Milbank: “I think you and I should go and beat him up.”)

O’Reilly’s veiled threat toward Hiatt recalls one made in a recent interview with an Australian paper by Fox boss Rupert Murdoch (Australian Financial Review, 11/5/10):

People love Fox News…. We said to the cable operators when we put the price up, we said, do you want a monument to yourself….  Cancel us, you might get your house burnt down.

Perhaps the fish does rot from the head.

SPECIAL NOTICE: Big blizzard up here in Boston. We will continue to update Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off so long as the electricity holds out.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody which was inspired by Fox News.

Let ‘Em In song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9r0ANbSVa9k

LET FOX IN

(sung to the Paul McCartney and Wings song “Let ‘Em In”)

Someone’s sniveling on the tube
Somebody’s startin’ to yell
Someone’s sportin’ new boobs
Somebody reeks of hair gel

Do me a favor,
Change the channel and let Fox in
Ooh yeah

Someone’s not “fair and balanced”
Somebody’s missing brain cells
Someone’s psyche is imbalanced
Somebody’s wearing pastels

Do me a favor,
Change the channel and let Fox in
Yeah ,yeah, yeah, let Fox in

Neil Cavuto, O’Reilly
Glenn Beck and Hannity
Huckabee and Van Susteren
Change the channel and let Fox in
Yeah

(musical interlude)

Neil Cavuto, O’Reilly
Glenn Beck and Hannity
Huckabee and Van Susteren
Change the channel and let Fox in
Oh,yeah

Someone’s talking to Newt Gingrich
Somebody’s starting to shout
Someone called Hillary a bitch
Somebody’s starting to pout

Do me a favor,
Change the channel and let Fox in
Ooh yeah ,yeah, let Fox in, let ‘em in now

Doo doo doo doo da doo doo
Doo doo doo da doo da

Neil Cavuto, O’Reilly
Glenn Beck and Hannity
Huckabee and Van Susteren
Change the channel and let Fox in
Oh,yeah

Someone’s sniveling on the tube
Somebody’s startin’ to yell
Someone’s sportin’ new boobs
Somebody reeks of hair gel

Do me a favor,
Change the channel and let Fox in
Ooh yeah , yeah , yeah ,yeah ,yeah

Christine O’Donnell Is Not A Foxy Lady

What could have been.

This may be the end of the line. Sad but true. This may be the final Lynnrockets post about Christine O’Donnell. The “Witchy Woman” was, without doubt, the most hilarious Teapublican crackpot to burst on the scene since Sarah Palin. Indeed, she out-Palined Sarah Palin. Her non-masturbatory brand of satan-worshiping, evolution-denying witchcraft easily trumped Palin’s copyright protected re-loaded, death-panel inspired Mama-Grizzlies. Heck, Christine O’Donnell was Sarah Palin on steroids.

Unfortunately (only for the laughs, mind you), Christine O’Donnell lost her bid for a Delaware Senate seat. She was crushed by Democrat Chris Coons and with her defeat, we were denied our daily dose of O’Donnell insanity. To lose our amusement so abruptly was as painful as a heroin addict’s anguish from going cold turkey. Oh, the humanity!

Suddenly however, there was a glimmer of hope. The rumor mill was churning and there was word that Fox News might come to the rescue. Christine O’Donnell might be given a spot on “Fox and Friends” or a regular guest host position on Glenn Beck’s comedy show or Bill O’Reilly’s tabloid news program. It all made sense. O’Donnell had previously announced that she had Sean Hannity “in her pocket”. She is clearly as dumb or dumber than the other Fox talking heads. Best of all, Sarah Palin was already on-board with Fox. it would have been a true “Mother Grizzly and Child Reunion” (Hey, there might be song parody in that one).

Alas, our hopes have been dashed. Fox News has reported that it “has no plans to hire her.” To paraphrase President Richard Nixon, “We won’t have Christine O’Donnell to kick around anymore”. Christine O’Donnell, we hardly knew ye.

Excuse me. What’s that? Hold on loyal readers, some new information is coming in through my tinfoil hat…

BREAKING NEWS: The rumors of Christine O’Donnell’s premature demise might have been exaggerated. The non-self-flagellating O’Donnell appeared on “The Tonight Show With Jay Leno” on Wednesday and said she’s fielding plenty of job offers. She said they range from “Anything from a book deal to a reality show.” She went on to explain, “I am not necessarily interested in a reality show…I would like to do something like a watchdog-type show.”

Oh, happy day! It looks like we may have the opportunity to have a lot more fun at Christine O’Donnell’s expense after all.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Witchcraft song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIZIBm2QGaM

WITCHCRAFT II

(sung to Frank Sinatra’s song “Witchcraft”)

This “Mama Grizzly” bear
That hails from Delaware
Christine O’Donnell snared
By witchcraft

And she’s got no defense for it
The heat is too intense for it
Palin has really stepped in it too

Christine’s witchcraft, wicked witchcraft
And she knows we know, it’s strictly taboo

Will this implode the Tea Party?
Confirming her insanity
Bringing down Palin and Romney too?

O’Donnell’s dug her ditch
Gay-baiting hate-fueled bitch
This tax evading witch is through

(masturbation break)

Christine’s witchcraft, her crazy witchcraft
Now we know that she’s been drinking the brew

Lied about her college degree
Non-masturbating prodigy
Renouncing Christianity too

Bill Maher is now the snitch
Who threw the breaking pitch
Now we can bid this witch adieu!