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Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 54

Just a few newsworthy events (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Do As I Say, Not As I Do” features California’s Republican gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman. It has been revealed that the “get tough on illegal immigration” candidate employed an undocumented illegal housekeeper for some nine years. The worker has also claimed that Whitman treated her poorly much of that time. it will be fun to see Whitman try to dig herself out of this one.

THIS JUST IN: Garrison Keillor says Republican Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, “embarrassing to me and a great many Minnesotans”. Good for you and all the citizens of Lake Wobegon, Mr. Keillor.

BREAKING NEWS: Republican Senate candidate and World Wrestling Entertainment CEO Linda McMahon (CT) this week stated that she believes Congress should consider lowering the minimum wage. When questioned by reporters as to what her state’s minimum wage is however, she was forced to admit that she did not know the answer. She then said that she “was just not going to comment any more on the subject. McMahon is just another example of an angry but uninformed Republican.

THIS JUST IN: As for Republican/Tea Party Delaware Senate candidate Christine O’Donnell, the OstroyReport says, “She’s scarcer than an Osama bin Laden video. Harder to find than Waldo. The burning question in Delaware these days is, “Where’s Christine?” As the NY Times reported Thursday, the state’s cracked-Tea-Pot Senate candidate, Christine O’Donnell, is apparently in hiding. And why not? She’s terrified of opening her mouth in public. I guess those grass roots have rotted.” “Nuff said.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Republicans Hurting the Country” features, you guessed it, the US Senate Republicans. On Sept. 30, the TANF Emergency Contingency Fund (TEF) — considered one of the most successful stimulus programs, having created 250,000 jobs for previously unemployed workers — expires. The Obama administration and Democrats had requested $1.5 to $2.5 billion to keep it going for another year. The House has passed two extenders, but yesterday, legislation failed again in the Senate because of Republican opposition. That means employers are now faced with laying off the TEF workers, as many as 100,000 into an economy that already has 14.9 million unemployed.

THIS JUST IN: Never mind that Republican New York gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino has a taste for racist emails, a desire to put welfare recipients into prison dorms and teach them “personal hygiene… the personal things they don’t get when they come from dysfunctional homes.” Just last week he threatened to “take out” a New York Post reporter. Does that sound like a criminal threat to anybody else?

BREAKING NEWS: Cable news ratings for the third quarter reveal that FOX NEWS’ ratings have fallen 21% in total viewers – and 26% for younger viewers. To add insult to injury, MSNBC‘s audience is growing. Does this mean that Americans are waking up?

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Whatever Happened To … ?” features Ann “The Man” Coulter and Michelle “Anchor Baby” Malkin. Has anybody seen or heard from the Coulter guy or Malkin in the last number of Months? Is it time to put their pictures on a milk carton?

BREAKING NEWS: Bill Mahar did us a solid on Friday night when he released his newest embarrassing clip of Republican/Tea Partier, Christine O’Donnell. In this clip O’Donnell is revealed as being amenable to any religion which includes her eating habits. The clip shows her admitting, “I would have become a Hare Krishna, but I didn’t want to become a vegetarian. And that is honestly the reason why, because I’m Italian and I love meatballs.” So, forget spirituality, it is the menu that is important when it comes to worship in the mind of Christine. Also, just wondering, but isn’t O’Donnell an awfully Irish sounding Italian name?

Well, until next week…

GO PACKERS!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Fox On The Run song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MDCbIhTa_w

FOX ON THE RUN

(sung to the Sweet song “Fox On The Run”)

Why is that network insane
No one there has a brain
So easy to abhor
Each day they add a new pretty face
But they’re losing in the gene pool race
They speak like sidewalk whores

Fox on the run
They scream and everybody starts a-running
Beck, Britt Hume and big Bill O’Reilly
Fox is on the run
F-foxy, Fox is on the run. They’ll fade away.

Koo-Koo, that is the Fox network brand
As “fair and balanced” as DisneyLand
So easy to ignore
News, that is so God damned lame
Should hide their heads in shame
And show their hosts the door

Fox on the run
They scream and everybody starts a-running
Beck, Britt Hume and big Bill O’Reilly
Fox is on the run
F-foxy, Fox is on the run. They’ll fade away.

(musical interlude)

F-foxy, Fox is on the run
They scream and think that we’re having fun
Take a run and hide yourself away
Fox is on the run
F-foxy, Fox is on the run. They’ll fade away.

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Christine O’Donnell’s Political Piggies

Who could have ever predicted that a “Baby Grizzly” would out-crazy the “Mama Grizzly” for a full month? It is true. While Sarah Palin has been quietly plummeting in the polls and eliciting booing audiences on “Dancing With The Stars”, Christine “Bewitched” O’Donnell (the Tea Party/Republican candidate for a Delaware U.S. Senate seat) has captured the full attention of the moon-bat chasing crowd.

Every day now, O’Donnell gives us another glimpse into her twisted mind and lifestyle. First we had her call for a masturbation ban. Next, her campaign alleged that her Republican primary opponent, Mike Castle was gay. Then we learned that she had a college degree before she did not have a college degree before she finally received her college degree three weeks ago. That was followed by the revelation that she has been in debt for most of her adult life, failed to pay taxes and paid her personal expenses with campaign funds while she failed to pay wages to her campaign employees. All of that was followed by Bill Mahar’s delicious video clips which show O’Donnell admitting that she “dabbled in witch-craft” and proclaiming that “evolution is a myth”. Best of all, Mahar claims that he will continue to release more embarrassing video clips each week leading up to the election.

But wait. That is not all. O’Donnell has stepped in it yet again. This week she joined “the Twitter”. The Palin-prodigy can now join her BFF in authoring absolutely indecipherable messages to the masses. And O’Donnell wasted no time. Her first tweet was as follows:

OK, then. Any idea just what in the wide, wide world of witch-craft O’Donnell is talking about? No? Me either, but let’s hope she keeps it up. The Twitter could be an endless supply of future Lynnrockets song parodies. Maybe her next tweet could be a little more lucid however, like, “Stop masturbating and vote!” or, “Evolution-Schmevolution!”

Keep up the good work, Christine. We are watching you.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Piggies song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXdKlpBOvs0

PORKERS

(sung to the Beatles song “Piggies”)

Have you seen G.O.P. porkers
Dishing out the dirt?
And for those G.O.P. porkers
Life is getting worse
Chris O’Donnell’s curse is angry sounding

Have you seen the bigot porkers
In their mini-skirts?
Christine and Sarah’s “twitting” fingers
Tweet until it hurts
Tweeting out new blurts so insane sounding

(Twitter break)

They’re senile and clearly cracking
They don’t care what goes on around
In their eyes there’s something lacking
What they need’s a damn good whacking

(Facebook break)

Best beware, G.O.P. porkers
Of O’Donnell’s lies
She is on a hunt for sinners
With Tea Party guys
Clutching forks and knives to eat their bacon

O’Donnell Hostage Crisis (Day 8): The Body Count Mounts

I'll get you, Bill Mahar!

Just one week ago, you may remember, that Bill Mahar, on his HBO program, “Real Time With Bill Mahar”, aired the now famous video clip of Republican Senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell admitting that she dabbled in witchcraft and had a date on a Satanic alter. Not only was the clip terribly damaging to the O’Donnell campaign, but Mahar upped the ante by threatening O’Donnell that he has even more embarrassing tapes which he will slowly air prior to election day unless she agrees to appear on his program. “It’s like a hostage crisis,” Maher warned O’Donnell on Saturday night. “Every week you don’t come on this show, I’m going to throw a new body out.”

True to his word, Bill Mahar did just that last Friday night. This clip shows the Sarah Palin and Tea-Party endorsed O’Donnell vehemently asserting that “evolution is a myth”. It is hysterical to look at the faces of Mahar and the other guests as the crazy evangelical O’Donnell makes her pronouncement. It gets even better when Mahar asks her “Have you ever looked at a monkey?’ and O’Donnell replies, “Well then…why aren’t monkeys still evolving into humans?” The comedy is than amped-up when one of the other guests informs O’Donnell that “It (i.e. evolution) takes a long time”. But as we always say, a picture is worth a thousand words, so let’s go to the tape..

Yikes! These tapes are certainly much more than most intellectually-challenged, gay-baiting, devil-worshipping, tax-evading, donation-abusing, evolution-denying non-masturbators could handle. And, they appear to be working. According to a CNN/Time/Opinion Research Corporation poll released Wednesday, Democratic Senate nominee Chris Coons holds a 16 percentage point lead over O’Donnell among likely voters, 55 percent to 39 percent. Among the wider pool of registered voters, Coons leads O’Donnell by 25 points.

But Christine O’Donnell is not your average candidate. She is, after all, a member of the Tea Party and a Sarah Palin prodigy. Consequently, by definition, she is expected to carry more baggage than an ocean liner. Luckily for us, she does, and Bill Mahar seems to have the undeniable proof. This is one hostage crisis in which the abductor is the fan favorite. Please Bill, keep those bodies coming.

Oh, and I almost forgot…

Go Packers!

Remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s very topical song parody.

Alison song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYDGFZ5e6HA

O’DONNELL

(sung to the Elvis Costello song “Alison”)

Oh, it’s so funny to be seeing you on Bill Mahar’s show, girl
And by the way you look I understand that you are not impressed
But until the day that you go on “Real Time”
Your hopes are less and less.
That primary win was just accidental
O’Donnell toed the Tea Party line
But Bill Mahar promises to “throw out new bodies”
Every Friday night on prime-time.

O’Donnell, I know Bill Mahar is killing you
Oh, O’Donnell’s campaign is through

Well I see you have no husband now
Most guys don’t think it’s adulterous to simply masturbate
You’re such a cold one, they chose the hand
It makes for a better date
Sometimes I wish that I could stop you from talking
When I hear those foolish things that you say
We know Christine that you are really not too bright
You will be finished come election day.

O’Donnell, I know Bill Mahar is killing you
Oh, O’Donnell’s campaign is through
Campaign is through
Campaign is through
Campaign is through
Campaign is through
Campaign is through
Campaign is through
Campaign is through
Campaign is through
Campaign is through
Campaign is through

Spread Some Butter Cuz O’Donnell’s Toast

Bubble, Bubble, She's Got Trouble!

It would appear that the days are few for Christine O’Donnell (aka The Palin Prodigy). The Tea-Party backed candidate for Vice President Joe Biden’s former Delaware Senate seat is facing more fire today and this newest trouble may mean the end for her tumultuous campaign.

O’Donnell was initially publicly embarrassed by the revelation that she believes masturbation is akin to adultery and for her campaign’s thinly veiled accusation that her primary opponent, Mike Castle is gay. Next, it was revealed by TV host Bill Mahar, that the family values Christian admitted on television that she dabbled in witchcraft and had a date on a blood splattered satanic alter. Mahar also warns that he has even more embarrassing tapes of O’Donnell which he will slowly air prior to election day unless she agrees to appear on his current program, “Real Time With Bill Mahar”. “It’s like a hostage crisis,” Maher warned O’Donnell on Saturday night. “Every week you don’t come on this show, I’m going to throw a new body out.”

Well, all that is certainly more than most unqualified candidates could withstand, but it gets even worse for O’Donnell. Yesterday, Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW), a nonpartisan campaign watchdog group, filed a damaging criminal complaint against the O’Donnell campaign with the Delaware U.S. Attorney’s Office and the Federal Election Commission. The complaint alleges that more than $20,000 of O’Donnell’s spending in 2009 and 2010 was illegal because O’Donnell was no longer a candidate for any political office. CREW Executive Director Melanie Sloan said,

“By committing tax evasion, false statements, and basically embezzling her campaign funds, Ms. O’Donnell has basically broken criminal law, and must be held to account for that,”

CREW is basing their complaint in part on the affidavit of a former campaign aide who charges that O’Donnell routinely used campaign funds to pay for personal expenses such as meals and gas. The aide, David Keegan, said that O’Donnell paid for a bowling outing – among other things – during a time when she was not running for office. O’Donnell is also being accused of illegally using campaign funds to pay her personal rent and for personal travel. In essence, it is alleged that she has illegally used her campaign donations for personal profit at a time when she was not a candidate for any office.

Honestly, how much dirty laundry must a candidate have before she is finally taken to the cleaners?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s very topical song parody.

The Bitch Is Back song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nujsrspF-k8

THE WITCH IS WHACKED

(sung to the Elton John song “The Bitch is Back”)

She’ll be crucified for tellin’ lies
Her campaign will never survive
Re-arranging where her money’s at
But the Feds will get O’Donnell cuz the witch is whacked
(Oh, oh, oh)

Black masses on Friday that’s her night
No masturbatin’ cuz that’s just not right
This witch is all over the nightly news
Just a matter of days ‘fore her campaign is through
(Oh, oh, oh)

She’s a witch, she’s a witch
And this witch is whacked
It’s all over for the O’Donnell quack
She’s a witch, she’s a witch
All her debts are now due
She’s a Tea Party stooge
And they’re drinking her brew
(Oh, oh, oh)

She entertains with all her games
Sold her soul for her own gain
The bullshit flows, this fraud’s a brat
Christine’s full of nasty habits and that witch is whacked
(Ha, ha ha))

She’s a witch, she’s a witch
And this witch is whacked
That’s a sober undeniable fact
She’s a witch, she’s a witch
And she just got the clue
O’Donnell lost her groove
Now her campaign is through
(Oh, oh, oh)

(abstinence break)

(Oh, oh, oh)
She’s a witch, she’s a witch
And this witch is whacked
Her porcelain skin is showing some cracks
She’s a witch, she’s a witch
Tell us something that’s new
Christine must face the truth
Her days are now few
(Oh, oh, oh)

Witch, witch
The witch is whacked
Witch, witch
The witch is whacked
Witch, witch
The witch is whacked
Witch, witch
The witch is whacked
Witch, witch
The witch is whacked
Witch, witch
The witch is whacked

Christine O’Donnell: This Witch Drank The Brew

Witches? Bitches? Or Both?

Like the famous Doctor Frankenstein, Sarah Palin has created her very own ungodly monster. Its name is Christine O’Donnell and she has emerged on the scene just in time to kick-off the Halloween season with tales of Satan-worship and witchcraft. Oh, this is just too good to be true.

What with the racist Rand Paul and the certifiably insane Sharron Angle, the Tea Party was already cursed for November’s general elections. Christine O’Donnell has just added to the Nightmare on Tea-Bag Street. This Sarah Palin endorsed “Mama Grizzly” has unexpectedly morphed into An American Werewolf in Delaware. She has more skeletons in her closet than Boris Karloff.

First, O’Donnell’s campaign took the hate-fueled approach of branding her Republican Party primary opponent Mike Castle as a homosexual in an attempt to inject prejudice and fear of the other into the race. Next, we learned that O’Donnell had lied about obtaining a college bachelor’s degree. The next few bones to fall out of the closet was the revelation that she has been in debt for most of her adult life, failed to pay taxes and failed to pay previous campaign debts including wages to her employees. Soon thereafter, things got a little crazy when we learned that O’Donnell believes that masturbation is akin to committing adultery. This stuff alone should be enough to dissuade any sane Delaware voters from considering O’Donnell as their next US senator come November, but now we have the latest revelation.

Hold your pointy black hats! Christine O’Donnell has admitted to practicing witchcraft and dabbling in Satanism. Bill Mahar, the host of HBO show “Real Time With Bill Mahar”, revealed a video of O’Donnell from his now-cancelled show “Politically Incorrect” from 1999 wherein the Christian senatorial hopefull said, “I dabbled into witchcraft – I never joined a coven. But i did, I did…I dabbled into witchcraft.” She then went on to describe one of her dates with a witch “on a satanic alter”. She said, “there was a little blood there and stuff like that. We went to a movie and then had a midnight picnic on a satanic alter.” Yikes, the evangelical christian sector of the Delaware GOP should be just thrilled with this. Let’s watch…

Oh please, Christine, do tell more. What, there is more? I was just kidding. Holy bats in the belfry, Batman! Bill Mahar says he has even more embarrassing tapes of O’Donnell which he will slowly air prior to election day unless she agrees to appear on his current program, “Real Time With Bill Mahar”. “It’s like a hostage crisis,” Maher warned O’Donnell on Saturday night. “Every week you don’t come on this show, I’m going to throw a new body out.”

Oh how the witch’s brew does boil and bubble! For Christine O’Donnell it sure spells trouble!

Will Sarah Palin and Mitt Romney still campaign on O’Donnell’s behalf or will this black magic stuff become the stake that finally dooms Count O’Donnell. Remember, back in 2008, it was Palin that made such a stink about Barack Obama’s association with Reverend Wright. Yet Wright looks like an angel when compared to the Satanists that O’Donnell was “pallin’ around with”. Tune in to Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off all this week for updates. Same bat time. Same bat channel.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s very topical song parody.

Witchcraft song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIZIBm2QGaM

WITCHCRAFT II

(sung to Frank Sinatra’s song “Witchcraft”)

This “Mama Grizzly” bear
That hails from Delaware
Christine O’Donnell snared
By witchcraft

And she’s got no defense for it
The heat is too intense for it
Palin has really stepped in it too

Christine’s witchcraft, wicked witchcraft
And she knows we know, it’s strictly taboo

Will this implode the Tea Party?
Confirming her insanity
Bringing down Palin and Romney too?

O’Donnell’s dug her ditch
Gay-baiting hate-fueled bitch
This tax evading witch is through

(masturbation break)

Christine’s witchcraft, her crazy witchcraft
Now we know that she’s been drinking the brew

Lied about her college degree
Non-masturbating prodigy
Renouncing Christianity too

Bill Mahar is now the snitch
Who threw the breaking pitch
Now we can bid this witch adieu!