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Newt Gets The Boot!

Rats fleeing the S.S. Gingrich

The AP is reporting that Newt Gingrich’s campaign manager and numerous other key aides have resigned together. Gingrich press spokesman Rick Tyler told The Associated Press that he’s resigned along with campaign manager Rob Johnson, as well as senior strategists Sam Dawson and Dave Carney. Also quitting were early primary state key consultants Katon Dwason in South Carolina and Craig Schoenfeld in Iowa.

Polico.com reports that one official said the last straw came when Gingrich went forward with taking a long-planned cruise with his wife last week in the Greek isles.

Gingrich of course, stumbled almost immediately out of the gate, after declaring in a May appearance on NBC’s “Meet the Press” that the House Republican budget plan was too “radical” and represented “right-wing social engineering.” It was then revelaed that he had purchased up to half a million dollars worth of jewelry at Tiffany & Company which had lobbied the agency which employed his third wife. Politico.com states that after his bumpy start, rumors began to circulate in the political community the former House speaker’s days as a candidate were numbered. The collective decision by his high command to quit makes it likely that his demise will be hastened.

This is a crushing blow to the thrice-married bling-buying Republican’s hopes for a presidential nomination. So long Newt, we hardly knew ye.

Please remember to click on the song link below before reading the lyrics because it is so much more fun to sing along while the actual song is playing.

You’re A Mean One Mr. Grinch song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzXKWKaxt3c

YOU’RE A HAS-BEEN, NEWT GINGRICH

(sung to the Dr. Seuss song “The Grinch That Stole Christmas”)

You’re a has-been, Newt Gingrich
You’re lacking in appeal
Your were ousted as The Speaker
No one wants to hear you squeal
Newt Gingrich

You’re a unicycle
Without even one wheel

You’ve had three wives, Newt Gingrich
A mistress in the hole
Philandering’s your day job
You’re a slimy ugly troll
Newt Gingich

These woman that like you, must
Be on work release or parole

You’re a vile one, Newt Gingrich
Your words reek with rancid bile
Your criticism of Bill Clinton
As you’re cheating all the while
Newt Gingrich

There couldn’t be a bigger hypocrite
Within a Midwest country mile

You’re a foul one, Newt Gingrich
Your first divorce smelled of skunk
Your wife, Jackie fighting cancer
You told her she was junk
Newt Gingrich

The nicest words to describe you,
Are, as follows, and I quote, Pink. Wank, Punk

You’re a coward, Newt Gingrich
Avoided your army spot
Deferment-seeking chicken-hawk
That likes to talk real tough
Newt Gingrich

Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing
With the most disgraceful assortment of Republican
Sound-bytes imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots

You’re the racist, Newt Gingrich
It’s not Judge Sotomayor
You play the race card as a white guy
That’s so laughable I’m sure
Newt Gingrich

You’re a stinking pile of vomit
Sitting in the sun
With feces on top

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A Presidential New Year’s Day

Lynnrockets would like to help all of you Rocketeers nurse your hangovers with a few laughs. Happy New Year’s Day! See you on Monday when things get back to normal. Until then…

Sunday Mid-Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 35

Just a few noteworthy news satellites that have been careening around the blogosphere this week.

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s episode of “Why Am I Not Surprised?” features Arizona state senator Russell Pearce who authored his state’s newly enacted racist immigrant law. Crooks and Liars has revealed that Senator Pearce is rather chummy with a guy named J.T. Ready, who also happens to be one of Arizona’s leading neo-Nazis. “May I see your papers, please?”

THIS JUST IN:  This week’s episode of “Rush To Judgment” features who else but Rush Limbaugh. Media Matters reports, “With a controversial immigration bill signed into law in Arizona and President Obama’s call ‘to make sure that the young people, African-Americans, Latinos, and women who powered our victory in 2008 stand together once again,’ it was little wonder that Rush would have a particularly racially charged show today (April 26th). Limbaugh pointed out that Obama didn’t specifically call on Democrats to ‘reconnect with white people’ and took off from there. Discussing the campaign video, Rush said, ‘This is the regime at its racist best,’ and that Obama ‘has purposely come to divide people” on racial lines’.”

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s episode of “Boy, Do I Hope She Is Right” features Democratic Party candidate Tarryl Clark who is running against moonbat-crazy Republican Michele Bachmann for the US Senate. Of Bachmann, Clark said, “She’ll still be on Fox News after I defeat her”. Let’s hope so.

THIS JUST IN: In a rare weekly twofer, this week’s episode of “Welcome To The Alternative Universe”  also features right wing radio comedian, Rush Limbaugh. Limbaugh’s understanding of the world which surrounds him is so distorted that this week he announced that the oil spill catastrophe in the Gulf was actually the fault of environmentalists and the Obama Administration. Yes, you read that correctly. He claimed that the initial explosion and fire at the rig was caused by explosives planted by environmentalists and then he blamed the resulting environmentally disastrous effects upon the federal government’s failure to step in sooner with remediation methods. Of course Limbaugh laid no blame upon the foreign BP corporation for failing to safeguard its own rig from malfunction, for downplaying the significance of its massive malfunction for nearly a week and for balking at assuming the costs of remediation. Rush Limbaugh is simply a propagandist buffoon.

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s episode of “Boycott For Change” features the thousands upon thousands of American citizens that have elected to boycott the State of Arizona so long as its recently enacted racial profiling inspired anti immigrant law remains in effect. Conventions, hotel bookings and vacations galore to Arizona have been canceled or moved to other states in the last week by socially conscious Americans who can smell a stink when it stinks. Bravo!

THIS JUST IN:  Here is a little poem about Sarah Palin. Remember when “shrill baby, shrill” proclaimed on her “hill baby, hill” that we should “drill baby, drill” with no worry of “spill baby, baby spill”?

BREAKING NEWS:  This week’s episode of “Another One Bites the Dust” features Florida Governor Charlie Crist. As the result of of poor polling numbers against conservative Republican challenger Marco “Polo” Rubio, the moderate Republican Crist has elected to ditch the G.O.P. and run as an Independent ala Joe “Say It Ain’t So” Lieberman. The Republican herd is thinning by natural selection.

THIS JUST IN:  This week’s episode of “I couldn’t Have Said It Better Myself” features  Bill Maher who this week twittered, “Every asshole who ever chanted ‘Drill Baby Drill’ should have to report to the Gulf Coast today for cleanup duty”.

BREAKING NEWS:  In a very rare threepeat, this week’s episode of ” The Next Time You Say Something, Try To Have A Point” features who else but Rush Limbaugh. In response to former President Bill Clinton saying “right-wing, radio talk-show hosts” kept people in “white heat” nearly 15 years ago before the deadly Oklahoma City bombing, and warning against similar anger in the age of Obama, Limbaugh says,  the Clinton and the Obama “regime” are the ones that have “set the stage for violence.” he also says,”Bill Clinton … just gave the kooks out there an excuse to be violent. He just offered them an opportunity to be violent.” Huh? Has Limbaugh now modeled his ability to reason on that of Sarah Palin?

By the way Rush, when is your big move to Costa Rica?

In honor of Rush Limbaugh’s triple inclusion in today’s blog post it seems appropriate to feature him in today’s song parody. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s parody.

Mockingbird song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeOqD3uMIRs&feature=related

TALKING TURD

(sung to the Carly Simon/James Taylor song “Mockingbird”)

Talk (yeah) ing (yeah) turd (yeah)
Yeah (yeah)
Talking Turd

Now, everybody sure has heard
Rush Limbaugh the big fat talking turd
That loudmouth talking turd is king
Of all those racists in the right-wing
But those in the right-wing front line
Are busy planning for their next hate crime
And that’s why I keep on tellin’ everybody
Say yeah, yeah whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh

Hear me now and understand
Rush lives only to hate and malign
And if ratings decline someday
Limbaugh will spread hate in another way
And if that other way makes dough
He’ll ride with the tide and go with the flow
And that’s why I keep on shoutin’ in your ear
Say yeah, yeah whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh

(musical interlude)

Now, everyone should doubt his word
Rush Limbaugh is just a talking turd
And when that talking turd does sing
We can tell he’s just a ding-a-ling
And when that ding-a-ling just whines
Yes, Republicans will still think he shines
And there’s a reason why I keep on tellin’ everybody
Say yeah, yeah no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

Listen now and understand
Rush Limbaugh surely has lost his mind
And though he drugged his mind away
The right-wing nuts still listen everyday
Like Sarah Palin and that Plumber, Joe
He’s a dead fish that just “goes with the flow”
And that’s the reason why he keeps on spreadin’ all that fear
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, now, now, baby

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 25 (and a Plea For Help)

Just a few noteworthy political meteorites and comments thereon that have been careening around the galaxy this past week.

BREAKING NEWS: It was announced on Friday that Republican, John Shadegg of Arizona will retire from the U.S. House of Representatives. Shadegg is the latest in a string of representatives and senators to announce that they plan to vacate their seats. It is yet to be seen whether the media will characterize Shadegg’s retirement as a severe blow to Republican election efforts in 2010. That is precisely what they said about Democrats earlier in the month however, when two Democratic senators announced their retirement. It would appear that Republicans are in the most trouble because fifteen of their House members are retiring (compared to eleven Democrats) along with six of their senators (compared to two Democrats). Final score: Republican vacancies = 21, Democratic party vacancies = 13.

THIS JUST IN: The lunatic accused of plotting to kill then Senator Barack Obama (along with several other Black Americans) in September 2008, has pleaded guilty and faces a ten year prison sentence. Paul Schlesselman of Arkansas entered a guilty plea agreement with federal prosecutors on Thursday. This serves as a reminder that racism is still alive and well in this country.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of  “And If You Believe That One, I’ve Got Some Florida Swampland I’d Like To Sell” features a Republican candidate for Governor of Ohio who has announced that he is a Tea-Bagger. In fact, John Kaisch claims to have been the very first Tea-Bagger. Last week he said,

I’ve been all over the state, including with our friends in the Tea Party movement. I think I was in the Tea Party before there was a Tea Party.

Yikes! He is willing to admit to that? Upon closer inspection however, it appears that Kaisch is simply pulling the wool over the eyes of the ever-ignorant Tea-Baggers. Indeed, he is a former Lehman Brothers investment banker and the investment bankers are a target of the Tea-Baggers because of the bank bailouts. Looks like we have a real match made in Heaven.

THIS JUST IN: Republican Newt “The Beaute” Gingrich has announced that he might seek the presidency in 2012. He said, “I think I’m probably on a list of seven or eight possible candidates at this stage”. CNN reports,

Gingrich’s comments come days after organizers of The Southern Republican Leadership Conference – a high-profile gathering of party activists considered to be an initial venue for potential GOP presidential candidates – announced the former House Speaker will be among the list of Republican speakers. Palin and Pawlenty are also expected to attend the event.

Gingrich also recently filed government paperwork to form a political action committee, named American Solutions PAC, according to Federal Election Commission records. The forming of a political action committee will allow Gingrich to raise cash and donate the money to federal and state candidates across the country. It could also be a sign that Gingrich is serious about running for the White House in 2012.

The last time we heard from the disgraced former House Speaker was when he announced last December that he would launch a Spanish language conservative web magazine to bring Latinos within the conservative Republican fold. So far, that stunt has not been successful for obvious reasons. Gingrich is a wife-cheating, anti-immigration racist. Let’s hope his presidential bid is just as unsuccessful.

BREAKING NEWS: This past week’s blockbuster television moment did not appear on the season premiere of the Republican pornshow known as Jack Bauer’s 24.  It happened on the Glenn Beck Show and should have been titled, Couric: The Sequel. It was riveting television when guest Sarah Palin was asked by Glenn Beck who her favorite founding father was and Palin drew a blank just as she had when Couric asked her what newspapers she read. It was just as obvious on Beck’s show as it was with Couric, that Palin simply had no idea what to answer. She could not name a newspaper or magazine for Couric and she could not name a founding father for Beck. After much stammering, she finally came up with George Washington (probably only because Beck had mentioned him 1 minute earlier) although he had little to no effect on the formation of our nation’s principles or system of government. here is a transcript of the embarrassing conversation:

PALIN: That is because we have a fallen world. And mankind is fallen and we can never put — I don’t believe that we were created to be able to put our faith wholly, solely except for our spouse in another person. Certainly not in a politician. I don’t believe that except, you know, looking back on our founding fathers and seeing the sincerity there and the genuine love that they had of the country, I don’t think in recent days we can find too many of those politicians.

BECK: That’s why we got to stop looking and start taking from the barrel and start picking from the tree. Who is your favorite founder?

PALIN: You know, well, all of them (editor’s note: Gee, sound familiar?) because they came collectively together with so much diverse .

BECK: Bull crap. Who is your favorite?

PALIN: So much diverse opinion and so much diversity in terms of belief, but collectively they came together to form this union.

(CROSSTALK)

PALIN: No, and they were led by, of course, George Washington, so he’s got to rise to the top. Washington was the consummate statesman. He serves, he returned power to the people. He didn’t want to be a king. He returned power to the people. Then he went back to Mount Vernon, he went back to his farm. He was almost reluctant to serve as president, too. And that is who you need to find to serve in government, in a bureaucracy.

Those who you know will serve for the right reasons because they’re reluctant to get out there and seek a limelight and seek power. They’re doing it for people. That was George Washington.

Quite simply, Sarah Palin is an uneducated buffoon.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Right-Wing Conservatives Who Deserve To Burn In Hell” features Pat Robertson and c0-stars Rush Limbaugh. Robertson said that Haiti was struck by an earthquake that killed thousands and left millions to clinging to existence because the victims’ forefathers had made a pact with the Devil. Rush Limbaugh in turn, actually discouraged his listeners from contributing to relief for Haiti and pounded Obama for exploiting the tragedy in order to present himself as a humanitarian. Nuff said.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Absolutely, Unbelievably Stupid Blog Reader Comments” comes courtesy of The Political Carnival. In response to a post about the Haitian earthquake tragedy, a reader said this,

Anonymous said…
I pay taxes to run my government, not to “AID” other countries.

And I don’t recall when a poor country actually provided the U.S with anything when disaster struck the U.S

January 14, 2010 2:45 PM

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “The Lying Liar That Keeps On Lying” features Sarah Palin. While continuing to make the rounds as a Fox News guest host last week, she appeared on Hannity and defended her “death panels” lie to the point of stating that they still exist in health care reform legislation. here is the transcript:

Hannity: You stand by those comments because you think it still exists in the bill.

Palin: I do. It’s a commission, it’s bureaucracy, it’s bureaucrats who will ration care if the bill goes through as Obama wants it to go through. Yes — it’s modeled, in essence, after a British system that does have people to decide whether, based on your quality of life, your age, whether you’re gonna deserve health-care coverage or not — that’s what’s gonna happen in America if this health-care bill isn’t stopped, and it needs to be stopped soon, and that’s why the people of this land can’t give up in demanding that their voice be heard, demanding that the White House understand that this is a representative form of government, we do expect that the will of the people is listened to and adhered to and implemented via our representatives, who we elect.

Stupid is as stupid does.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Matches Made In Heaven” features Sarah Palin and the NASCAR crowd. Conservatives4Palin announced yesterday that plans are in the works for the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska to appear in some unspecified capacity at the Daytona 500 in February. Palin has already purchased her supply of chewing tobacco and Busch beer. Perhaps she will be baring her breasts while filming one of those Danica Patrick GoDaddy.com ads.

THIS JUST IN: The camaigning for the Massachusetts special election to fill Ted Kennedy’s senate seat is coming down to the wire. Yesterday, former President Bill Clinton came first to Boston and then to the central part of the state to stump for the Democratic Party candidate, Martha Coakley. He also recorded a robo-call for wide distribution which goes like this:

Hello, this is Bill Clinton.

I’m calling to urge you to get out and vote for Martha Coakley on Tuesday January 19.

This election is critical, not just for Massachusetts but for our entire country. The Republicans are spending millions of dollars to win Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat and they’re telling you that they’ve got a better economic plan, when all they want is to bring back President Bush’s economic policies. They’re telling you they’ve got a health care plan, when all they want is to leave the health insurance companies in control of America’s health care and bankrupt the country.

So please, get out and vote for Martha Coakley on Tuesday Jan 19. I know her, she’s a good person, she’ll be a good senator.

The caring and concerned citizens of Massachusetts thank you, Mr. Clinton. Today is a lso a big campaign day however, as President Barack Obama comes to Boston for the same purpose.

BREAKING NEWS: Martha Coakley exposed the fact that her Republican opponent for Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat fails to provide health insurance for his staff workers while the Democrat does provide those benefits. The Boston Globe reports that Coakley is saying the following in recent campaign stops:

We already knew that Scott Brown didn’t want to make health insurance more affordable for Massachusetts families and businesses. Now we learn that he won’t even make health insurance available for his own staff. If he won’t stand up for the people he employs, how could we ever trust him to stand up for us?

Tell it like it is, Martha. Tell it like it is.

THIS JUST IN: Watch Massachusetts Republican Senatorial candidate Scott Brown suggest that President Barack Obama was born out of wedlock.

Scott Brown is just another Birther-like conspiracy theorist that appears to have confused the Obamas with the Palins.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Guys That Belong In The Senate” features Massachusetts Republican Senatorial candidate Scott Brown. Yes folks, this is the guy that is running against Democrat Martha Coakley for the Ted Kennedy seat. He posed for this photo some years ago in Cosmopolitan magazine. Honestly, would he ever be taken seriously? I wonder why Sarah Palin does not characterize this photo as “porn”? Clearly, this is an example of, the emperor wears no clothes.

I can see my clothes from my house!

IMPORTANT MESSAGE AND PLEA FOR HELP !!!

As many of you know, this Tuesday January 19th is the date of the special election to fill Ted Kennedy’s Massachusetts Senate Seat. There has not been a Republican elected to a Massachusetts seat since 1972, but the G.O.P. has gone “All In” on this race and it is presently a toss up. The Democratic Party candidate, Martha Coakley (currently the Massachusetts Attorney General) is clinging to a razor thin lead in the polls but the momentum has swung to the Republican. I cannot overemphasize the importance of this race. Health care reform hangs in the balance. If Martha Coakley does not capture the Senate seat, the Democrats will lose their filibuster-proof 60 votes and the health care reform bill will not survive the Senate vote after reconciliation. Let me repeat, if Martha Coakley does not capture the Senate seat, the Democrats will lose their filibuster-proof 60 votes and the health care reform bill will not survive the Senate vote after reconciliation.

Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off has never asked any of you fellow Rocketeers to make a financial donation of any kind to any cause in the past and we hope that we will never feel the need to do so again. That being said, we are begging you to make a contribution (no matter how small it may be or what state you might be from) to the Martha Coakley campaign immediately. The well funded Republican national interest groups are flooding the  Brown campaign with contributions to get out the vote. We owe it to our nation to match their efforts. Please, please, please, please make a contribution today to:

Martha Coakley

Democrat For U.S. Senate

Marthacoakley.com

We thank you in advance for your anticipated cooperation,

Lynnrockets

Ok, so on to today’s song parody. This is one of our favorite scathing Republican bashing tunes and explains why this blog exists. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

I Write The Songs song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-fev20voMc

I WRITE THE SONGS

(sung to the Barry Manilow song “I Write The Songs”)

I sling the jive whenever,
I sit down and scribble a song
I put the words and Republicans together
I love music,
And I love these songs

I write the songs that I hope you folks sing
I write the songs to dethrone G.O.P. kings
I write the songs that expose all their lies
I write the songs, I write the songs

I’m from a state that’s deep blue,
And we make a damned good lobster roll
No, there aren’t many right wing guys
There’s some but then, all of them are very old

I write the songs that attack the right wing
I write the songs that I hope linger and sting
I write the songs that prompt Glenn Beck to cry
I write the songs, I write the songs

Oh, I’ll take a hostile stance
When Limbaugh begins to rave and rant
And I’ll lead you to a poll, he can’t disprove
Palin has no heart,
So, I will tear her life apart
Hannity, Coulter too,
Also, too, O’Reilly
None of them can hide from me !!!

I write the songs about Mark Sanford’s flings
I write the songs about Larry Craig’s stings
I write the songs about Mark Foley’s guys
I write the songs, I write the songs

I write the songs about Joe Wilson’s slings
I write the songs of Vitter’s diapery things
I write the songs about all of those guys
I write the songs, I write the songs

I love music, so I write these songs