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Sarah Palin Could Learn A Lesson From Paul Bunyan

Sarah Palin’s most recent spoken blunder may have simply been a slip of the tongue. When she said on Glenn Beck‘s radio show last Wednesday that “We gotta stand with our North Korean allies”, it quite possibly could have been a mere understandable gaffe. Then again, there is the pretty good chance that she simply did not know which Korea is our ally. After all, as John McCain’s staff members informed us last year, Sarah Palin thought that Africa was a country and not a continent. You may also recall that the ex-quitting former half-term Governor of Alaska mistakenly thought that Kodiak was the largest island in the United States and mistakenly thought that “Mama Grizzly” endorsee John “Lasers In The Sky” Raese was running for a Pennsylvania U.S. Senate seat. The list of Sarah Palin’s examples of geographic ignorance of course, goes on and on.

Palin’s knowledge of politics and law is also often called into question. No matter how many times she attempts to comment upon the right to freedom of speech, she gets it completely wrong. She simply does not understand that the Constitution only protects a person’s right to free speech from being infringed upon by the government and not from private entities such as employers. Hence, her defense of such persons such as Carrie Prejean, Laura Schlessinger and herself on those grounds is entirely misplaced. Palin has made another one of these blunders in her new book “America By Heart”. ABC‘s John Berman reports of an historical error with regard to Palin’s BFF’s, the “Founding Fathers”. Berman reveals,

On page 189 of “America by Heart,” Palin is in the midst of a lengthy and thoughtful discussion about the role of religion in America, and American history.  Among other things, she spends time praising Mitt Romney for his speeches on this subject. But on page 189, she is writing about the opinions of Founding Father John Adams, including his famous quotation, “we have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion.” Her mistake is not in her analysis of the importance of faith to John Adams. No, her error came in claiming that he had been a “leading participant at the Constitutional Convention.”

You see, John Adams did not take part in the Constitutional Convention. He was Ambassador to Great Britain at the time. Consequently, despite what Palin wrote, John Adams was in fact, not a “leading participant at the Constitutional Convention”. Sarah Palin however, as we all know by now, never lets the facts get in the way of her fairy tales.

Another example of  Sarah Palin’s ignorance was demonstrated by her most recent Twitter tweet. In response to this week’s Wikileaks release of classified information, Palin tweeted,

“Inexplicable: I recently won in court to stop my book ‘America by Heart’ from being leaked, but US Govt can’t stop Wikileaks’ treasonous act?”

Let’s get this straight. Wikileaks is a Swedish website which is owned and operated by an Australian national. Inasmuch as treason is defined as “the offense of attempting by overt acts to overthrow the government of the state to which the offender owes allegiance“, it seems obvious that Australian Julien Assange could not be charged with such by the United States of America. But really, could we honestly expect Sarah Palin to demonstrate any kind of knowledge of the law?

Stanley Crouch of the New York Daily News made a great observation in Monday’s edition. He suggested that Sarah Palin should be subjected to the mythical Paul Bunyan treatment. According to Crouch and folklore, Paul Bunyan “lived somewhere as a logger in the cold north. When his fellow loggers spewed one curse word after another during winter, the dirty words would freeze in the air and fall to the ground. Bunyan went around and collected them. They were deposited in separate barrels with the names of the men who had done all of the cursing. When spring came around, Bunyan gave each of the men his barrel and they had to sit there as the ice melted and the shouts of every unmentionable word burst back into the air. That cured the loggers.”

Crouch suggests that “Sarah Palin is a political version of those loggers. She would certainly go deaf if every one of her purported facts were frozen, then melted back into life precisely when she was least prepared to explain the machine-gunning series of tall tales as they exploded into the air again in an intentional act of retribution.” If only fantasy could become reality.

For those of you that are interested, Sarah Palin’s money-grubbing nine-day, 16-city book signing tour is underway. She was grifting in Houston, Texas and Metairie, Louisiana yesterday and will be in Baton Rouge, Louisiana and Little Rock, Arkansas today. Today’s song parody is inspired by by her current gravy-train.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Lynnrockets needs your help. Boston’s largest talk radio station (WRKO AM) has chosen Lynnrockets as a finalist in its “Next Great Political Blogger Contest”. Yours truly has been selected  by the station’s staff (from over 200 entries) to be one of 10 finalists for a position with the station as a “liberal” blogger. There will be two winners (a “liberal” and a “conservative”) chosen by means of internet votes received. This is our chance to get even with the Palinbots for what they did for Bristol Palin on “Dancing With The Stars”. Like Bristol, I lack talent but with all of you voting for me, I may be able to pull-off an upset win. I offer my eternal gratitude if you loyal Rocketeers will visit the WRKO website (Here) and vote for wait…wait…here comes the spoiler…”Kevin McCarthy”. Looks like I’ve now been officially outed. Please vote early and often as the contest ends on Saturday, December 11th at 11:59pm EST. I would truly appreciate your help and if you really want to be of assistance, please encourage your family and friends to vote also, too!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

TURN THE PAGE

(sung to the Bob Seger song “Turn The Page”)

On a long and lonesome highway
East of Wasilla
Do we even need to mention
Palin travels with her throng
She’s a winkin’ blinkin’ woman
Who dresses like a sidewalk whore

The big country she is wandering
On book-tour number two
Sarah’s signing books for hours
And she’s counting all her loot
Still, her poll numbers are slidin’
And there’s not much she can do

Hey, Palin’s sham
On the road again
Book tour scam
All of it staged
Takin’ dough
Near and far again
There she goes
Turn the page

Sarah slithers in a Border’s Books
And she mounts her throne
Her supporters in a long queue
They’re donating all they own
They consider it loyalty dues
Tribute  their queen is owed

Most times when you hear her talk
You can’t understand
All those nonsense clichés
Formed in Palin-Land
For those blatant gaffes and blunders
She earns one-hundred grand

Palin’s sham
On the road again
Book tour scam
All of it staged
Takin’ dough
Near and far again
There she goes
Turn the page

Palin loves the spotlight
Maybe more than Tina Fey
Despite all of her energy
Her fame will fade away
She will become a nobody
Just a slice of yesterday

Sarah’s selfish scheming
And the hate-speak that she spreads
Along with all of those blatant liars,
Fox News talking heads
The Tea Party’s new Penthouse Pet
Sounds like “Uncle Jed”

Ah, Palin’s sham
On the road again
Book tour scam
All of it staged
Takin’ dough
Near and far again
There she goes
Turn the page
Ya, Palin’s sham
On the road again
Book tour scam
All of it staged
Takin’ dough
Near and far again
There she goes
There she goes

Sarah Palin: Please Do Us A Favor And Run For President

Loyal Rocketeer NSWFM sent us a link to a new article about Sarah Palin which has been posted on the New York Times website. The full article is well worth reading. Here are some of our favorite excerpts:

Regarding her personal advisers: “the adhesive is a personal devotion to Palin rather than the furtherance of her political career.”

Wow, her advisers sound like members of a religious cult.

Regarding the media: “I asked her if by avoiding the national press, she didn’t bear at least some responsibility for the way the public viewed her. “I’m on television nearly every single day with reporters,” she shot back. “Now granted, that’s mainly through my job at Fox News, and I’m very proud to be associated with them, but I’m not avoiding anything or anybody. I’m on Facebook and Twitter. I’m out there. I want to talk about my record, though.” Palin told me that because of the media’s unfairness toward her, “I fear for our democracy.” She cited a recent Anchorage Daily News article that commented on her casual manner of dress at a rally for Joe Miller, as well as a Politico headline that used the word “drama” for an item about Representative Michele Bachmann’s quest for a Republican leadership position. Palin viewed these references as sexist – but also, she said, as “distractions.” Purposefully distracting, I asked, or just simplistic? “How can it be simplistic?” she scoffed. “They’re the elite,” she said sarcastically of news organizations. “They know much more than I know and other people like me! So, no. They know just what they’re doing.” All of this in addition to the fact that Palin, a former journalism major and sportscaster, happens to be a member of the media herself: a salaried Fox News contributor, the star of her own television series and a best-selling author whose second book, “America by Heart,” will be released by HarperCollins this week with a first printing of 1 million copies and her pick of promotional slots offered up by her adversaries in the press.”

Yikes, because of the media she “fears for our democracy”? Crazy stuff there. She was correct however, when she said, “I’m out there”.

Regarding the content on her Facebook posts and Twitter tweets: “Because Palin often works 20-hour days, so does rebecca Mansour, because “the governor reads, checks and approves everything that’s under her name.”

That seems to mean that Sarah Palin can no longer “pass the buck” on the crazy stuff that flies from her social networking devices.

Finally, regarding her plans to run for President: “I am,” Sarah Palin told me the next day when I asked her if she was already weighing a run for president. “I’m engaged in the internal deliberations candidly, and having that discussion with my family, because my family is the most important consideration here.” Palin went on to say that there weren’t meaningful differences in policy among the field of G.O.P. hopefuls “but that in fact there’s more to the presidency than that” and that her decision would involve evaluating whether she could bring unique qualities to the table.”

Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you, Sarah. Trust us when we say that the whole country (and many other countries which you have never heard of) wants you to run for President of the United States. This great nation of ours has suffered through 4 long years of depression as the result of the absence of a true buffoon to laugh at. Please help us by participating in primary debates and appearances on such serious shows as “Meet The Press” and “Face The Nation”. Please do us all a favor and begin campaigning immediately. Pretty Please!

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

Born To Run song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxuThNgl3YA

BORN TO RUN

(sung to the Bruce Springsteen song “Born To Run”)

In the day she sweats it out on the streets, she’s a runner-up beauty pageant queen
At night she tears her hair out in worry atop Todd’s snow-machine
Hate filled rages at the five and dime
High heeled, misdirected and sporting a sixties beehive, Whoa
Wasilla town hopes she never comes back
She’s a dumb quack, a political hack
Sarah speaketh with a forked tongue
But tramps like her, baby they were born to run
(yes she will run)

Sarah’s got thin skin but she’ll run again
She can’t find work on television
SarahPAC will cater to her whims
Their dedicated to her mission
Together they will dish out crap
She’ll run till she drops, maybe from a heart attack, Whoa
All her friends, she’ll continue to hire
‘cause baby she wants to be the next “Decider”
But her wagon has lost all its wheels
She behaves like a little child girl, a pitbull refusing to heel
(full of baloney)

(Twitter break)

She’s filled with malice right down to the bones buried in her backyard
She casts no reflection in brand new mirrors
Like a vampire caught off guard
Her unfeeling heart, rises cold and dark
A dominatrix with an iron fist
She’s gonna try to befriend thee in the deep dark night
With a wink and a blown kiss, Huhh

(Facebook break)

(one two three four…)

She’s got a bunch of Fox News zeroes that fuel her hopes and drive
Sarah Palin likes you if you are white and have no use for gay pride
Every Wednesday she will give an address
That will reveal all the madness in her soul, Whoa
Someday girl, we don’t know when, you’ll learn that you’re a disgrace
Something we already know, her career will be done
But till then just like puss, Sarah will return to run

Oh, Sarah just like puss, baby we hope that you run

Please believe me, all of us baby, sure hope that you will run

Sarah Palin’s Cash Grabbing Book Tour Redux

Watch your mouth, young lady!

Here we go again. The Sarah Palin Travelling Book Tour and Money Grab is preparing for its next junket. The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska has announced that she will travel to 13 states in 11 days, including Iowa and South Carolina, sites of early presidential battles, according to a schedule provided to CNN by the book’s publisher, Harper Collins. Palin needs to raise money by means of these book signings because rumor has it that her private library was destroyed by fire last week and both books were lost before she could even finish coloring them.

Palin’s new book will be unleashed upon the unsuspecting public on November 23, 2010. This time however, there will be no question as to who actually wrote the book. You might recall that the educationally limited Palin was forced to employ a ghost-writer to pen her last tome. Palin has elected this time to dispense with the subterfuge (and criticism of the use of a ghost-writer) and simply release a book filled with the written works of others.

That’s right, in America By Heart, the former half term ex-quitting governor of Alaska, Fox News consultant and Reality TV host will reveal the sacred and personal nature of her love for our nation by simply pasting together a buffet of sermons, poems, speeches and essays which were authored by other people. Palin claims that these written pieces are the ones that “have moved her”. As HarperCollins puts it, the book will include…

“the nation’s founding documents, to great speeches, sermons, letters, literature and poetry, biography, and even some of her favorite songs and movies.” (Favorite songs? Do you think she might include any of the Lynnrockets parodies?).

Seriously, would Sarah Palin ever dare to honestly reveal to the world the readings, sermons, songs and movies that inspired her? For example, will she tell us about the sermon that inspired her to have the witches driven from her body in that Youtube clip that everyone has seen? Will she reveal that the film Ferris Bueller’s Day Off inspired her to skip so many classes that it took her over 6 years to earn a mere bachelor’s degree from a series of second rate colleges? Will she actually admit that she was inspired by the little known book, Sarah, Plain and Stupid? Will she explain how the “founding fathers” of the secessionist Alaska Independence Party (the AIP) inspired her to promote the party when she was Governor (and inspired “First Dude” Todd to actually register with the Party)? Would she ever dare to fess-up to the fact that her post-governorship career was inspired by the song, “Barbie Girl” (if you are not familiar with this song, click here)? Good grief!

Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off believes that it is our civic duty to warn the citizens of America as to when the Sarah Palin train wreck may be headed their way. To that end, here is her travel itinerary:

Nov. 23: Phoenix, Arizona
Nov. 26: Tulsa, Oklahoma
Nov. 27: Norfolk, Nebraska
Nov. 27: Des Moines, Iowa
Nov. 28: Andover, Kansas
Nov. 28: Dallas, Texas
Nov. 29: Houston, Texas
Nov. 29: New Orleans, Louisiana
Nov. 30: Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Nov. 30: Little Rock, Arkansas
Dec. 1: Brentwood, Tennessee
Dec. 1: Lexington, Kentucky
Dec. 2: Spirit Lake, Iowa
Dec. 2. Carmel, Indiana
Dec. 3: Cincinnati, Ohio
Dec. 3: Columbia, South Carolina

You have now been forewarned. If you want to avoid Sarah Palin and her hypnotized, brain-dead, zombie-like worshippers, mark your calendars now so that you can “get out of Dodge”. Perhaps the sane residents of each of these cities and towns can take a page from our famous “forefathers” that Palin likes to reference so often and appoint a reliable Paul Revere-like patriot who can race through town shouting, “The Palins are coming! The Palins are coming!” At the very least, the air-raid sirens should be utilized.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

On The Road Again song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TD_pSeNelU

ON THE ROAD AGAIN

(sung to the Willie Nelson song “On The Road Again”)

On the road again –
Sarah can’t wait to get on the road again
The life she loves is taking money from her friends
Palin can’t wait to get on the road again

On the road again –
Goin’ places that she’s never been
Palin thinks that she’s campaigning once again
So she’s stealing dough from all her brain-dead friends

On the road again –
Like a band of gypsies, Palins ride the highways
Grifting never ends
Persisting like a plague that’s coming our way, yes our way

On the road again –
She says its great to just “reload” again
Good Lord above will Palin’s grifting never end?
Sarah can’t wait to get on the road again

(Fox News love-in break)

On the road again –
Just those Palin pip-squeaks always talking sideways
Every word offends
Insisting that the world keep turning their way, yes their way

She’s on the road again –
Palin can’t wait to get on the road again
The life she loves is taking money from her friends
And she can’t wait to get on the road again
And she can’t wait to get on the road again

Oops, She Did It Again! (Sarah Palin Redux)

As you all know by now, Harper Collins will release Sarah Palin’s new work of fiction on November 23, 2010. This time however, there will be no question as to who actually wrote the book. You might recall that the educationally limited Palin was forced to employ a ghost-writer to pen her autobiography. That would seem especially strange inasmuch as Palin claims to have achieved a degree in journalism (after 6 years and 5 sub-par colleges). Then again, we have all been subjected to enough of Palin’s tweets, Facebook posts and speeches to realize that she is essentially illiterate. So this time Palin has elected to dispense with the subterfuge (and criticism of the use of a ghost-writer) and simply release a book filled with the written works of others.

That’s right, in America By Heart, the former half term ex-quitting governor of Alaska, Fox News consultant, reality tv host and new BFF of Kate with 8 will reveal the sacred and personal nature of her love for our nation by simply pasting together a buffet of sermons, poems, speeches and essays which were authored by other people. Palin claims that these written pieces are the ones that “have moved her”. As HarperCollins puts it, the book will include…

“the nation’s founding documents, to great speeches, sermons, letters, literature and poetry, biography, and even some of her favorite songs and movies.” (Favorite songs? Do you think she might include any of the Lynnrockets parodies?).

Seriously, would Sarah Palin ever dare to honestly reveal to the world the readings, sermons, songs and movies that inspired her? For example, will she tell us about the sermon that inspired her to have the witches driven from her body in that Youtube clip that everyone has seen? Will she reveal that the film Ferris Bueller’s Day Off inspired her to skip so many classes that it took her over 6 years to earn a mere bachelor’s degree from a series of second rate colleges? Will she actually admit that she was inspired by the little known book, Sarah, Plain and Stupid? Will she explain how the “founding fathers” of the secessionist Alaska Independence Party (the AIP) inspired her to promote the party when she was Governor (and inspired “First Dude” Todd to actually register with the Party)? Would she ever dare to fess-up to the fact that her post-governorship career was inspired by the song, “Barbie Girl” (if you are not familiar with this song, click here)?

Who knows what the 2009 “Liar of the Year” will include in her new tome. Stay tuned for its release on November 23rd as Sarah Palin is sure to put the Bible in bibliotheque. Until then, please enjoy today’s topical song parody.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Paperback Writer song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pwap79uy1G8

PAPERBACK WRITER

(sung to the Beatles song “Paperback Writer”)

Paperback writer (paperback writer)

Dear Rush and Coulter, will you read my tome?
It took a year to write in my Wasilla home
It’s based on the life of a political hack
And I take a few shots at  Johnny Mac as a paperback writer,
Paperback writer

A book of topics that I want a say on,
Which I wrote with finger-paints and a crayon.
It was edited by Todd the school drop-out,
He can’t read too well but he loves me as a paperback writer
Paperback writer

Paperback writer (paperback writer)

It’s got twenty pages give or take a few,
And it has some pictures that Piper drew.
I threw in an old joke that Bristol once told
It’s a real page turner and I want to be a paperback writer,
Paperback writer

My new book will appeal to those on the right
And everyone that is straight, racist and white.
Bill O’Reilly will love it, please have no fear,
I sure needed a boost and now I can be a paperback writer.
Paperback writer

Paperback writer (paperback writer)

Paperback writer – paperback writer
Paperback writer – paperback writer
(fading)

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