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Palin and Miller Get Spanked By Alaskans

I lost by just this much!

It is not “Miller Time” in Alaska. The “Fat Lady” is now singing quite loudly. Stick a fork in Joe Miller because he is done. Turn out the lights because the Tea Party’s over. Add your favorite cliché (here).

Republican Senator Lisa Murkowski has declared victory in Alaska’s bitter and prolonged Senate battle. The result sends a stinging message to Tea Party candidate Joe Miller that the state’s voters do not favor the Tea Party’s radically conservative political agenda. It also sends a biting message to Sarah Palin that she now carries little to no political influence in her home state. The former ex-quitting half-term Governor endorsed Miller in the election.

Sarah Palin had made it quite clear that she was no friend of the Murkowski family. She not only had a history of bad-mouthing Lisa Murkowski, but also her father Frank Murkowski who served as Alaska’s Governor prior to Palin. In an attempt to derail Lisa Murkowski’s Senate campaign, Palin endorsed the little known Joe Miller in her frenzy of nationwide Tea Party candidate endorsements. Palin’s plan met with some early success when Miller defeated Murkowski in the Republican primary, but that success was short-lived.

Refusing to accept defeat at the hands of Sarah Palin, Murkowski ran as a Republican write-in candidate in the general election. Her campaign gained steam as voters became aware of Miller’s shady past and grew tired of Palin’s meddling in the affairs of the state that she politically abandoned. Alaska’s voters, in turn, abandoned both Miller and Palin and wrote the letters “L-I-S-A  M-U-R-K-O-W-S-K-I” on enough election day ballots to defy the odds and send the incumbent back to Washington for a second term. Lisa Murkowski became the first write-in candidate to win a U.S. Senate seat since 1954. How do you like them apples, Joe and Sarah?

Sarah Palin had already suffered the indignity of having most of her high profile Tea Party endorsees lose in the mid-term elections. The nation’s voters rejected Palin’s judgment in supporting such moonbat-crazy candidates as Sharron “2nd Amendment Remedies” Angle, Christine “Witchy Woman” O’Donnell, Linda “Woman Are Sex Objects” McMahon, Carly “Worst CEO In History” Fiorina, Meg “illegal Housekeeper” Whitman, John “Lasers In The Sky” Raese, Tom “Bomb Mecca” Tancredo, Sean “Privatize Social Security” Bielat, Ken “No Abortion For Rape Victims” Buck and Dino “Repeal Wall Street Reform” Rossi. Nevertheless, the Alaskan voter rejection of Joe “Dump Social Security” Miller was the most embarrassing loss of all. Sarah Palin went “all in” on Miller in an effort to punish Murkowski and to simultaneously solidify her influence in Alaska. With Miller’s stunning defeat, Palin not only lost the hand, but she was forced out of the game. Sarah Palin will now be viewed as a limited political figure that cannot even garner support from her own fellow Alaskans.

Lisa Murkowski now has the upper hand in Alaska and it did not take her long to go on the offensive. Tasting imminent election victory, Murkowski on Monday said that Palin is not worldly enough for the nation’s highest office. Adding insult to Palin’s injury, Murkowski said she will repay the moderates, Independents and Democrats that elected her by not voting strictly with her party. She said,

“I will tell you, I am not one of those who wants Obama to fail. If he does well, that means the country’s doing well. We don’t have time as a nation to spend all of what we do blocking. We have got to figure out how we get to a point where we can be sitting around the table and talking about these difficult problems and advancing some solutions.”

Take that, Sarah Palin! Even a Republican Senator from your home state disavows your unpopular political positions.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Tom Dooley song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AoBLGE2cCdU

HANG DOWN YOUR HEAD, JOE MILLER

(sung to the Kingston Trio song “Tom Dooley”)

Throughout history
There’ve been many songs written about the political triangle
This next one tells the story of Sarah Palin, Lisa Murkowski
And a defeated man named Joe Miller…
When the sun rises tomorrow, Joe Miller…will be gone…

Hang down your head, Joe Miller
Hang down your head and cry
Hang down your head, Joe Miller
Election hopes have died

No room on Senate mountain
Voters said, “No dice”
Lisa drinks from that fountain
She put Joe on ice

Hang down your head, Joe Miller
Hang down your head and cry
Hang down your head, Joe Miller
Election hopes have died

This time tomorrow
Know where Joe will be?
His time he will be wastin’
Just cryin’ with Sarah P.

(well now boy)

Hang down your head, Joe Miller
Hang down your head and cry
Hang down your head, Joe Miller
Election hopes have died

Hang down your head, Joe Miller
Hang down your head and cry
Hang down your head, Joe Miller
Election hopes have died

This time tomorrow
Joe will finally see
Down in the Mat Su Valley
They voted for Murkowski

Hang down your head, Joe Miller
Hang down your head and cry
Hang down your head, Joe Miller
Election hopes have died

Hang down your head, Joe Miller
Hang down your head and cry
Hang down your head, Joe Miller
Election hopes have died

Poor boy your hopes have died
Poor boy your hopes have died
Poor boy your hopes have –  died

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Happy Quitter’s Day

Lynnrockets would like to wish all of you loyal readers a most happy Quitter’s Day on the first anniversary of former Alaska Governor, Sarah Palin’s giving up on her state. It is with tears (of laughter) in our eyes that we look back one year to the day when Caribou Barbie decided to “go with the flow” in dead fish fashion. Who could forget the half term politician’s rambling speech lacking in detail but having something to do with a high school basketball game? Was there a dry eye in the state when she boasted of her great accomplishments by saying, “We broke ground on the new prison”? Alaskans young and old beamed with pride as Palin took full responsibility for her actions by proclaiming, “Political operatives descended on Alaska last August, digging for dirt. The ethics law I championed became their weapon of choice. Over the past nine months I’ve been accused of all sorts of frivolous ethics violations – such as holding a fish in a photograph, wearing a jacket with a logo on it, and answering reporters’ questions.” Finally her speech boldly explained in true Palinesque fashion that to continue serving Alaska as Governor would be  “a quitter’s way out.” Ah, Sarah we hardly knew ye.

But despair not. July 3rd will forevermore be celebrated as “Quitter’s Day” in honor of Sarah Palin’s great sacrifice to her state. Americans everywhere will commemorate the occasion by quitting: their jobs, their marriages, their hobbies, their diets and their New Year’s resolutions. This new holiday will celebrate the unheralded slacker in all of us. So, in honor of Sarah Palin, be patriotic and quit something today.

I will do my duty by quitting this blog.

Please enjoy this Sarah Palin song parody. Remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

Evita song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4oPWINVVEw&feature=related

DON’T CRY FOR ME GOOD ALASKANS

(sung to the Evita song “Don’t Cry For Me Argentina”)

I might be sleazy, I might be strange
When I try to explain how I feel
That I still need your votes after all that I’ve done

You won’t believe me
All you will see is a Guv you once knew
Best known for her cries and her whines
And rimless glasses, also too

I had to leave Alaska, I needed fame
Couldn’t stay all my life in the snow
Looking out of my window, staring right at Russia

So I chose D.C.
Heading down south, with Naughty Monkey shoes
I hoped to impress with my drawl
And my sixties beehive hairdo

Don’t cry for me good Alaskans
The truth is I’m glad I left you
My Wasilla days
My pay a pittance
And Michael Wooten
So long, good riddance

And as for ethics and as for blame
I never invited them in
And it seemed Alaska thought I should be fired

I have delusions
Ya betcha I wink and I blink so constantly
And I lived off of the state dime
I had my house built for near free

Don’t cry for me good Alaskans

(Musical Interlude)

Don’t cry for me good Alaskans
The truth is I’m glad I left you
My Wasilla days
My pay a pittance
And Michael Wooten
So long, good riddance

Have I said too much?
I’m sure you know I gave Alaska a good screw
But that is all that Alaskans will ever know
Cuz no more interviews.

But that is all that Alaskans will ever know
Cuz no more interviews.

Good Alaskans

Sunday Mid-Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 37

Just a few noteworthy news satellites that have been careening around the blogosphere this week…

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Why Am I Not Surprised” features Slick-Dick Cheney’s pal the Halliburton corporation. the company has become the object of several controversies involving the 2003 Iraq War and the company’s ties to Former U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney. Cheney retired from the company during the 2000 U.S. presidential election campaign with a severance package worth $36 million. As of 2004, he had received $398,548 in deferred compensation from Halliburton while Vice President. Cheney was chairman and CEO of Halliburton Company from 1995 to 2000 and has received stock options from Halliburton. The company has a long history of shoddy workmanship and of defrauding the US Government (and consequently, US taxpayers) by means of repeated and excessive overcharges regarding government contracts. Well, now it has been revealed that Halliburton is partially responsible for the recent catastrophic Gulf Coast oil rig explosion and spill. Halliburton provided well cementing services on the rig and now it looks as if flaws in that process led to the massive failure of the well’s structural integrity. Anyone surprised?

THIS JUST IN: We all understand the nexus between the State of Alaska and the oil industry, but enough is enough already. This week Alaska’s Republican Senator Lisa Murkowski objected to a voice vote request by Sen. Robert Menendez (D-N.J.) on the bill, which would have spiked the maximum liability for oil companies after an oil spill from $75 million to $10 billion. The legislation has significant support from Democrats, and the White House has indicated it backs an increase in liability caps. Republicans are on the side of the oil companies, not the American people.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “WTF Took You So Long” features former First Stepford Wife, Laura Bush who admitted on Larry King Live that she is pro-choice and in favor of gay marriage and has been so forever. Should she perhaps have publicly defended her positions at some point while her brain-dead husband of a President was forever advocating legislation in opposition to those beliefs? Please watch the clip…

Then again, Laura Bush is now hawking a book and as we know from Sarah Palin, nothing sells like shock and controversy.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Conservatives Caught With Their Pants Down” features Longtime Religious Right leader Rev. Dr. George Rekers. He has been embroiled in a gay sex scandal for the past two weeks, and has now resigned from the board of directors of NARTH (National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality.) For those of you not in the know, it was revealed that Rekers hired a male prostitute to travel with him to Europe. As Queen would say, “another one bites the dust”.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Lies And The Lying Liars Who Tell Them” features Ergun Caner, the President of Liberty University’s (yes, Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University) seminary. Talk To Action reports that “Caner has made a name for himself by highlighting his unusual life story: He says he was born into a stridently Muslim family in Turkey, where he learned to hate America and Christians. As Caner tells it, he flirted with jihad before undergoing a life-changing conversion to fundamentalist Christianity. He then persuaded most of his family to convert as well, and they now spread the gospel.” A compelling story but untrue. “Despite his claims about having lived in Turkey, it now appears that Caner was born in Sweden and moved to Ohio when he was 4 years old. His father was a Muslim, but his mother was Lutheran. The couple divorced, and Caner’s mother retained custody. He became an evangelical Christian as a teen; it’s unlike he was ever recruited by jihadists.” Ahhh, the rarefied air of Liberty University!

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Daddy, Please Make The Crazy Lady Stop Talking!” features Minnesota’s Republican US Senator, Michele Bachmann. During a Tuesday night webcast with Ensuring Liberty, a Tea Party PAC, Rep. Michele Bachmann likened the financial reform bill that is being debated in Congress to Mussolini’s Fascist Italy. She said,

Let’s remember really what this is. This has a lot in common with Italy in the 1930s and they way Italy dealt with economics,” she said. “It still continues private ownership of business but government is in control.” She continued, “So government control of the private business, while it’s private ownership, that’s still at the end of the day the federal government virtually having a say over private business. We lose freedoms; we lose economic competitiveness.

OK Michele, now take your medicine and go back to sleep for awhile.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Let’s Blame God” features Rick Perry, the Republican Governor of Texas. Last week the secessionist and Sarah Palin fanboy said the massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico should not be lamed on the oil industry, calling such spills “acts of God that cannot be prevented.” Gee, who knew that God created that faulty rig.

THIS JUST IN: It wouldn’t be a weekly wrap-up without our favorite wingnut, now would it? So, this week’s edition of  “Tea (Party) For Two and Two For Tea (Party)” features Sarah Palin, the ex-quitting Governor of Alaska and Jan Brewer, the present Governor of Arizona. The two members of the G.O.P. “braintrust” appeared together yesterday in Phoenix to denounce President Obama’s  criticism of Arizona’s new racist immigrant law. The law requires immigrants in Arizona to carry their registration documents at all times and allows police to question individuals’ immigration status in the process of enforcing any other law or ordinance. Problem is, even legal “brown” skinned citizens and immigrants are likely to be “asked for their papers” even though they are not required to carry them. If they do not have those “papers” with them, they are subject to detainment and arrest. As president Obama said,

You can imagine if you are an Hispanic American in Arizona, your great grandparents may have been there before Arizona was even a state, but now suddenly if you don’t have your papers, and you took your kid out to get ice cream, you’re gonna be harassed. That’s something that could potentially happen. That’s not the right way to go.

Like the nativist “Know Nothings” of the 1840’s and 1850’s however, Palin and Brewer have deceived themselves into believing the “us” versus “them” scenario is the only solution to immigration problems. Indeed, in defending the concept of “presenting papers”, the snow-white Palin said, “I think for most American people the reaction to that would be, ‘Why aren’t (police) already doing that?'” What would she say if native Alaskans treated the Idaho transplant similarly? Keep up the good work on that Arizona products and travel boycott!!!

Today’s song parody takes a rapid-fire look at Republicans past, present and future. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

We Didn’t Start The Fire song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFTLKWw542g

WE DIDN’T START THE LYING

(sung to the Billy Joel song “We Didn’t Start The Fire”)

Ronald Reagan, Larry Craig, Mark Sanford, Tom Delay
Michelle Malkin, Michele Bachmann, “Goin’ with the flow”

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Howard Baker, lack of vision
Spreading Fear, Acting queer, and ole Sixpack Joe

No icebergs, H-Bomb, “Pay for play”, “Hockey Mom”
Landrieu, Hamid Karzai, and that Michael Savage guy

Ivy tower, Van Flein, Tea-bagger party scene
Party of “No”, Tim Pawlenty, Let’s watch Glenn Beck cry

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Vitter’s fallin’, Ginny Foxx, Boehner and Inhofe
Mitch McConnell, small umbrella, Talking the talk

Spin Zone, Rent to own, Straight martini, Bank loan
Russian view and Pastor Haggard’s flock

Sex crimes, Grassley, John McCain is “Mavericky”
Lining pockets, health care plan, Giuliani, Limbaugh Land

Barrasso, Fake protest, Tom “The Hammer”, Chambliss
Senate race, Lack of grace, and Melvin Martinez

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Loaded Glock, SarahPAC, Sam Alito, Johnny Mack
Jindal, Right to die, Tripp’s father is Levi

Pentagon, Border wall, We must deport them all
Bed-wetters, genocide, No assisted suicide

Bush’s folly, Torture, Dick Cheney, Blackwater
Hate groups, Castro, John Ensign and his ‘ho

First Dude, Hannity, Mann Coulter and O’Reilly
Scooter Libby, Karl Rove, Sarah Palin’s “Sixpack Joes”

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Kay Bailey, Muslims, K Street is full of bums
Villains, Pearlman, Iraqi Invasion

Health reform hysteria, Sarah Palin mania
Shameless G-Men, War in Afghanistan

Ron Paul, Airport sex, They don’t want no litmus test
Kneel and pray, Always “nay”, Can’t get married if you’re gay

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Birth control, Lives of sin, They like folks that have white skin
Buckshot, Dow stock, Loud mouthed chicken-hawks
Takin’ Bacon, Palestine, Palin is no friend of mine
Now they have nukes in Iran, Couldn’t stop the Taliban

Makin’ fortunes, Soldiers die, Did we mention Glenn Beck cried?
Foreign debts, Homeless vets, Exposed by three jets
We voted them out the door, Now they’re just a mouse that roars
Spider holes and unjust wars, I can’t take them anymore.

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it
(repeat chorus to fade)