Category Archives: Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin Reincarnates Her Fictitious “Death Panels”

Don’t you miss those halcyon days when every morning we were treated to some new breaking story detailing the insane antics of Sarah Palin and her family? We were entertained on a near daily basis as Palin claimed she could see Russia or she created her own words such as “refudiate” or when she claimed that Paul Revere was ringing bells and firing musket shots to warn the British during his famous midnight ride. It was hilarious to watch her struggle to name a single newspaper or magazine which she reads, or to name a Supreme Court decision which she disagreed with or to incorrectly explain the function of the Vice President to a 5th grader. Who will ever forget when she abruptly quit her position as Governor of Alaska after having served only half a term and then jumped right into the respectable field of reality television?

Ahhh, those were the days. Unfortunately (for us) however, Sarah Palin’s entertainment value came to a screeching halt last November when she announced that she would not seek the Republican nomination for President of the United States. Not only were we denied a year’s worth of belly-ache-inducing laughs, but the late night television talk shows and tabloid newspapers were denied a steady source of material.

But wait!… What’s this?… We have breaking Palin news!

Thank the heavens above. It’s true. Sarah Palin has awakened from her slumber and dusted off one of her favorite old chestnuts just in time for the Supreme Court’s ruling on the constitutionality of the new health care law known as the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act.

Remember when PolitiFact.com deemed Sarah Palin’s  assertion that the new law provided for “death panels” the “Biggest Lie of 2009“? Well that has not dissuaded the stubborn Palin from asserting the same thing once again.

You will recall that Palin initially uttered the phrase “death panels” when she opposed “end of life counseling sessions” in which physicians would educate patients on such useful estate planning tools as Durable Powers of Attorney, Health Care Proxies and Advance Directives (known as “Living Wills” in some jurisdictions). When she was forced to acknowledge that a member of the Republican Party (Maine Senator Olympia Snowe) was the initial proponent of “end of life counseling sessions”, she began to apply the phrase differently. She began claiming that “death panels” are government bureaucrats or commissions that will decide whether to pay for a patient’s health care based upon health condition or age. Despite the fact that the new law provided no such panels at all, Palin also seemed to miss the point that under our old broken health care system, insurance adjusters could unilaterally decide whether to pay for a patient’s health care based upon any arbitrary reason.

As of yesterday, Sarah Palin jumped right back on the “Death Panel” Express as if the lie was never exposed in the first place. She took to Facebook and wrote,

“I stand by everything I wrote in that warning to my fellow Americans because what was true then is true now, and it will remain true as we hear what the Supreme Court has to say… Though I was called a liar for calling it like it is, many of these accusers finally saw that Obamacare did in fact create a panel of faceless bureaucrats who have the power to make life and death decisions about health care funding.”

The Los Angeles Times however, points out that “Such a system also, according to most health experts, exists only in the imagination of Palin and others who took up the phrase as a cudgel against the legislation, which ultimately passed with no Republican support and was signed into law by President Obama  in March 2010.”

CNN reports that presently, Palin is “specifically referring to the Independent Payment Advisory Board (IPAB), a proposed group that would recommend how to achieve Medicare savings though would not sit in judgment of individual patients’ treatment courses.”

Truth be damned! Sarah Palin has proved once again that she is either stupid or has a very short memory.

Let’s take a quick look at some of Palin’s greatest hits, shall we?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6U219P_zs7w

THE WRECK OF THE SARAH L. PALIN (Version Two)

(sung to the Gordon Lightfoot song “The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald ”)

The legend lives on from the North Slope on down
To the town they call Sandpoint, Idaho
The Heath’s one would say, had a daughter that day
Why they kept her, I must say, “I don’t know”

They loaded up the truck and they tested their luck
When they moved to Wasilla, Alaska
Sarah enrolled in school and was nobody’s fool
On the court they called her “Barracuda”.

In 1982 she left for Honolulu
Off to Hawaii Pacific College
She did not last long there nor at anywhere
In her quest for some meaningful knowledge.

She finally did see a journalism degree
After stints at 5 or 6 safety schools
Sometime in between she was a pageant queen
Then she worked in TV for KTUU.

She met up with her fate sometime in ’88
When her TV career was a failin’
And everyone knew, as her parents did too
She would soon be the Bride of Todd Palin.

Long before she did wed, she conceived in his bed
That was the end of her abstinency
While laid out on her back, she gave birth to Lil’ Track
The result of an unwed pregnancy.

She was now in a lurch cuz of her right wing church
But she carried on without a care
She had a beehive hairdo, but had nothing to do
That all changed when she became the Mayor.

She appointed some crooks then she banned some good books
No one lasted if they weren’t on her team
Wasilla’s deficit grew, kids fired-up on homebrew
Not to mention the methamphetamine.

She became the next Guv and to show the state love
She proposed to unite remote shore banks
But once in a bind she politely declined
To the bridge she said,”Thanks but no thanks”.

John McCain now you see had to choose a VP
His campaign was certainly failin’
He wanted a she that was trés “mavericky”
So he chose Alaska’s Sarah Palin.

But poor press reviews of her live interviews
With Couric and Gibson oft replayed
Showed she could not spar with the nightly news stars
Let alone outperform Tina Fey

The election was lost and poor Sarah was tossed
From her seat on “The Straight Talk Express”
She went home and did pose in her new store-bought clothes
But  Alaskans were not now impressed

She’s no longer a saint due to ethics complaints
She has nobody left now to wink at
Her opinions ignored and her actions abhorred
“Hockey mom” once again is a rink rat

Her career was a blip, it was a sinking ship
Her supporters are jumpin’ and bailin’
Her character flaws became the final straw
For the wreck known as Sarah L. Palin


Sarah Palin – Reprise II

As the result of a death in our family, we are taking a little bit of a break from posting substantive posts for the next few days. But that is no reason to skip out on some fun columns and song parodies from the past. This one is from January 30, 2010. Pleas enjoy again!

Sarah Palin: A Tea Party Change Of Hearty?

Tea Party Convention Officials anxiously await Palin’s decision.

When Sarah Palin gave up on her State of Alaska and quit the governor’s job last summer she said, (sandwiched between a lot of gibberish) “We are not retreating. We are advancing in another direction”. For Palin, that direction was the world of paid speaking gigs. She ran away from the meager governor’s salary for a potentially lucrative career full of private speaking engagements. The problem for Palin was that she was quickly forced to realize that she was not in particularly high demand for the more prestigious speaking forums.

The trial run at her newly chosen vocation was at a financial investors’ forum in Hong Kong, coverage of which was closed to the press. Despite her attempts to limit critiquing of her oratory abilities by debuting many thousands of miles away from this “great nation of ours” and by closing the event to media coverage, her speech was recorded by many attendees. The reviews were not kind. Consequently, the demand for Palin at premier events spiraled downward.

Another obstacle to Palin’s efforts to secure speaking opportunities was her habit of pulling out of (dare we say, quitting) events at the last moment. On the numerous occasions that she pulled that stunt, she always laid the blame elsewhere. She would either blame the event organizers for announcing her appearance before her final approval, or she would blame her staff for a scheduling snafu. It appeared strange however, that those “problems” seemed to happen so often. One would think that if Palin were serious about her new vocation, she would straighten out the communication and scheduling problems post haste.

Nonetheless, Sarah Palin’s paid speaking opportunities lessened in terms of both quality and quantity. She was not a sought after commodity on the lecture circuit. Indeed, the New York Post reported, lecture buyers “are paralyzed with fear about booking her, basically because they think she’s a blithering idiot.” Ouch, that is going to leave a mark! Newser.com reported, “Palin is too controversial for the subscription lecture series, whose organizers fear that subscribers will cancel if they see her on the schedule. Corporations, too, like to avoid controversy, and universities tend to lean left. ‘Palin is so uninteresting to so many groups—unless they are interested in moose hunting,’ says an insider. ‘What does she have to say? She can’t even describe what she reads.’ ” Nuff said.

Sarah Palin was left with only the dregs of the lecture circuit. She was booked to speak at two separate Tea Bagger events in January and February 2010. Unfortunately, Palin got a taste of her own medicine when the January event in Texas was canceled at the last moment without explanation. But for those venues, Palin has been relegated to the status of washed up Las Vegas entertainer. Really.  The former Republican Vice Presidential nominee is scheduled to make two speaking engagements in “Sin City”. Isn’t that a little like mixing oil and water? It seems odd that the conservative right’s poster child for family values and morality would be spending quality time in the the land of gambling, prostitution and organized crime. But hey, whatever grinds your beans.

First Sarah Palin accepted the gig as keynote speaker at the Bowling Proprietors’ Association of America’s Bowl Expo (i.e. The Bowling Convention) in June. That is about as far away from a prestigious speaking engagement as one can get. Maybe the bowlers will honor Palin with one of those snazzy bowling league shirts with her name (“Barricuda” maybe?) embroidered thereon. Or perhaps they might present her with a pair of high heeled bowling shoes. The possibilities are endless.

As a warm-up to the bowling event, Palin will be the keynote speaker at the Wine and Liquor Wholesalers of America convention (i.e. The Boozers’ Ball) also to be held in Vegas this April. The gala will include a “Wine and Spirits Tasting Competition”. Let’s all pray that Todd “The First Dude” Palin will not be driving anybody back to the hotel after that. Perhaps the conventioneers will honor Sarah Palin by naming a new drink after her. Maybe a “Quinine Quitter” or “Alaska Disastah” or “I Can See A White Russian From My House”? Any other suggestions?

As a precursor to both of those events however, Palin is scheduled to be the keynote speaker at the National Tea Party Convention in Nashville, TN on February 6th. Like all things Palin and/or Tea Party related however, the event is devolving into a complete disaster. The writing was on the wall from the beginning. The last two Tea Party events were smaller than a five year old’s birthday party and those in attendance shared the  same level of education as the aforementioned cake and ice cream eaters. First there was the Washington DC “Die In” in which Tea Baggers were prepared to play dead inside congressional buildings as a protest against health care reform. Unfortunately very few Tea Baggers were “dying” to get involved. Next, there was the Tea Baggers’ National Strike planned for January 20th when the Baggers intended to show the world how they could strike or boycott media outlets and businesses that they do not watch or patronize anyway. By a showing of hands, how many of you even know if the strike took place?

So, what about the big National Tea Party Convention? Well, the first problem is the price of admission. Tickets are priced at a hefty $ 349.00 and $ 549.00. That is a lot of dough for all those marginally employed Tea Baggers. To add insult to injury, Palin was to be paid over $ 100,000.00 for her appearance. Did the organizers forget that Tea Baggers allegedly oppose excessive spending as well as elitists that profit off them? Ticket sales dwindled and then came the speaker cancellations. Congresswomen Marsha Blackburn and moonbat -crazy Michele Bachmann each backed out of the event on Thursday. Ticket sales plummeted even further. Consequently, Sarah Palin is now in a dilemma.

If Palin honors her commitment to speak at the event, she will once again be associated with a less than prestigious forum and most likely a small audience. If, like Blackburn and Bachmann, she cancels her appearance, she will add to her own legend as the nation’s Quitter in Chief. What’s the poor girl to do? Will she stay or will she go?

I bet you folks know where this one is going, don’t you? Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go? song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsNJDWA0sAw&feature=related

WILL SHE STAY OR WILL  SHE GO ?

(Sung to the Clash song “Should I Stay or Should I Go”)

(Whoo! – – – Allah!)

Sarah you gotta let us know
Will you stay or will you go?
Can you make it there on time?
Your speech begins at ten to nine
You just have to let us know,
Will you make it to the show?

It’s always me, me, me
Yes, they agreed to pay your fee
If you have a nerve attack,
Do you agree to pay them back?
The “Tea Baggers” want to know
Is it “yes” or is it “no” ?

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she will be humbled
But if she stays there will be trouble
So come on and let us know

Her poor decisions boggle me
Palin’s become a mockery
Since demanding such a large fee
She is no longer their “cup of tea”
Come on and let us know,
Is she brain-dead or is it show?

(split)

Will she stay or will she go now?
Will she stay or will she go now?
If she stays, she’ll stir up trouble,
But if she goes she will be humbled
We just hope that if she goes…
She pleases all those “Sixpack Joes”

Will she stay or will she go now?
If she goes, she’ll stir up trouble,
And if she stays, laughs will be doubled
We just hope that if she goes
She wears some garish slutty clothes!!!

Sarah Palin – Reprise

As the result of a death in our family, we are taking a little bit of a break from posting substantive posts for the next few days. But that is no reason to skip out on some fun columns and song parodies from the past. This one is from November 19, 2009. Please enjoy again!

Sarah Palin, The Sometimes Reluctant Covergirl

There she goes again. Sarah Palin, the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska is once again claiming to be a victim of the mainstream media. This time the target of her accusation is the November 22, 2oo9 edition of Newsweek magazine (see above). On Monday, Palin posted the following on her Facebook page:

“The choice of photo for the cover of this week’s Newsweek is unfortunate. When it comes to Sarah Palin, this ‘news’ magazine has relished focusing on the irrelevant rather than the relevant. The out-of-context Newsweek approach is sexist, and oh-so-expected by now.”

But is it really the photo that Ms. Quittypants is upset about for being “sexist”? After all, she did pose for that photo and never objected publicly to the nearly identical photos published this year in a running magazine. And do “sexist” magazine covers always bother her? If so, then why did she not complain about being referred to as “America’s Hottest Governor” on the cover of the February 2008 edition of Alaska magazine? No, we would venture to guess that Palin is not as upset at the photo which appears on the cover of Newsweek, but rather the caption which accompanies it. It says, “How do you solve a problem like Sarah? She’s bad news for the GOP – and for everybody else, too.” It seems that the clearly “sexist” caption of the Alaska magazine was okay for Sarah because it was flattering to her. The Newsweek photo however, was highly objectionable it seems, because the accompanying caption cast Palin in such an unflattering light.

Poor Sarah, she can’t help it. She was born with a simple mind in her mouth.

And that brings us to today’s parody. In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

Simon Says song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvzHGYSv8kw

SIMPLE SARAH SAYS

(sung to the 1910 Fruitgum Company song “Simon Says”)

She likes to play a game,
That is so much fun,
And it’s something even she can do,
The name of the game is “Simple Sarah Says”,
And she would like for you to play it too

Put style gel in your hair,
Simple Sarah says,
Lipstick on your mouth,
Simple Sarah says,
Do it when Palin says,
Simple Sarah says,
And they will vote you right out

Simple Sarah says,
Put glasses on your head,
Don some pants that stretch,
Sarah says,

Simple Sarah says,
Get Bristol out of bed,
That Levi is stiff,
Sarah says,

A beehive on your head,
Simple Sarah says,
The First Dude by your side,
Simple Sarah says,
Hate speech for the left,
Simple Sarah says,
Kind words for the right

(musical interlude)

F-me pumps that are red,
Simple Sarah says,
A gun strapped to your side,
Simple Sarah says,
Diversity left,
Simple Sarah says,
Only whites on the right

Now that we have learned,
To play this game with she,
Sarah Palin has something to do,
Let’s try it once again,
We’ll mimic Sarah P.,
But let’s do it while we’re drinking too

Go kill a polar bear,
Simple Sarah says,
Give your shoes a shine,
Simple Sarah says,
Dress yourself like a whore,
Simple Sarah says,
Ah, you’re looking fine,
Simple Sarah says,
Now, interview if you dare,
Simple Sarah says,
Mingle with the slime,
Simple Sarah says,
Get your ass out the door,
Simple Sarah says,
Make it double time

Sarah Palin Boob Tube Theme Songs – Reprise

As the result of a death in our family, we are taking a little bit of a break from posting substantive posts for the next few days. But that is no reason to skip out on some fun song parodies. Inasmuch as Sarah Palin fancies herself the outdoorsy type, we thought we might spoof her with the classic 1960’s theme song from television’s Daniel Boone.

Daniel Boone theme song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdMA2spF0Bg

SARAH P.

(sung to the theme of “Daniel Boone”)

Sarah P. was a guv.
She was a lame guv.
But McCain was even lamer,
so should we really blame her, golly gee

Sarah P. was a guv.
She was a dumb guv.
But the First Dude was dumber,
so she summoned “Joe the Plumber” to the scene.

From the beehive do on the top of her head
To the spike of her high heeled shoes;
Like a zombie from “Night of the Living Dead”,
She looked so damn confused.

Sarah P. was a guv.
She was a slick guv.
In an attempt to win her hicks back;
Her speeches addressed “Joe Sixpack’ all the time.

Drivin’ demons out with prayer!
A one-time Wasilla mayor, was she!

Sarah P. was a guv.
She was a big guv.
But her quitting nature’s bigger;
So she pulled the quitting trigger, did she.

Sarah P. was a guv.
She was a gun guv.
She loved aerial shootin’;
And would love to blast Mike Wooten from a tree!

She said, “Thanks But No Thanks” and “Drill Baby Drill”
But beyond that had nothin’ to say;
During interviews, she just should have sat still,
Was upstaged by Tina Fey

Sarah P. was a guv.
Was a swine guv.
And she was quite a whiner;
With her lipstick and eye-liner, was she!

Sarah Palin: The Gaffe Gift That Keeps On Giving

Sarah Palin was a gift to Democrats during the 2008 Presidential election cycle. She not only sunk any chance that the Republicans had of keeping the White House, but her constant mishaps and blunders entertained even those who do not follow politics. Remember when she could not name a single newspaper or magazine which she reads to keep current on the affairs of the nation? Remember when she said health care reform “is all about job creation”? Remember when she could not remember Joe Biden’s name (O’Biden)? Remember when she was incapable of describing the job of the Vice President to an elementary school student? Best of all, she inspired Tina Fey to create one of the most accurate and funny politician portrayals in the history of comedic politician portrayals.

Thankfully, the former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska continued to entertain us even after she blew the election. In May of 2010, Palin appeared on Fox News’ “The O’Reilly Factor” to talk about the controversy over the “National Day of Prayer”, during which, she boldly announced that the US should base its laws on The Bible, just as the Founding Fathers intended. Speaking of the Founding Fathers, when asked about the “under God” reference in the Pledge of Allegiance, Palin said, “If it was good enough for the Founding Fathers, its good enough for me” (of course the Pledge of Allegiance was not written until more than 100 years after the Founding Fathers). How about when she wrote in her book “America by Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith and Flag” that, “Susan B. Anthony saw the fight for the rights of the unborn as part of the broader fight for women’s rights.”? Remember her 2009 interview on “Good Morning America” when she referenced the fictitious “White House Department of Law”? Was there anyone who did not laugh out loud in 2011 when, during her “bus tour” stop in Boston, she said that Paul Revere rode on horseback and “”warned, uh, the British that they weren’t going to be taking away our arms, uh, by ringing those bells…”” (Even American school kids of course,  are  aware Revere actually rode from Boston to Lexington warning the COLONISTS that the British Army was marching in their direction).

Guess what? The “Sarah Palin Stupid Train” continues to roll down the tracks of our tears of laughter!

We can thank the Topeka Capital-Journal of Kansas for exposing Sarah Palin’s latest blunder. It seems that lots of Kansas voters received a robo-call from Palin in which she solicited them to vote for the Tea Party endorsed Ted Cruz for the U.S. Senate. She said, “Ted Cruz is a true conservative you can trust to stand on principle and change the way Washington does business. Today, through May 25, please vote early for Ted Cruz for U.S. Senate.” Palin ended the call by saying, “Join me. Choose Cruz for Senate.”

That is quite a ringing endorsement from Sarah Palin. Question is, why would she be asking Kansans to vote for a man who is running for the U.S. Senate seat in TEXAS?

Sometimes  you just can’t make this stuff up!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

American Pie song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dvx7RcEX8w4

ALASKAN PIE

(sung to the Don McLean song “American Pie”)

A long, long time ago…
I can still remember
Palin’s slutty flight attendant style
And when she blew her only chance
With John McCain in the Big Dance
In light of the pregnancy of her child

In February she did shiver
When Levi sold her down the river
Bad news at her doorstep
She didn’t have no more pep

The allegations she denied
Of all those gifts that she did hide
She took Alaskans for a ride
As she cajoled and lied

So bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Did you quit the job you love
After talking with God up above?
Did the good Lord tell you so?
Are you still pals with Plumber Joe?
Do dead fish still “go with the flow”?
And can Todd’s sister score me some good blow?

Well you know that your prospects are grim
’cause you’re way way out there on a limb
You’re sure to have the blues
Man, you screwed up those interviews

You’re just a lonely mid-aged “hockey mom”
With real deep frustration and a man that’s dumb
You’re just a third rate school alum
Today your future died

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Now for two years all you did was drone
Remember Sarkozy on the phone?
But just what will your future be?
Will you pester us like a has-been queen?
Will you pout and whine like a spoiled teen?
In a voice that sounds so shrill and mean,

Oh, and when you leave Wasilla town
Take along your beauty pageant crown
And bridges that you burned
Oh, please never return
And those hits you took will leave some marks
A “Barracuda” is no shark
And you were always in the dark
Today your future died

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Helter skelter you are sure to swelter
The ice in your veins may even melt-ah
Ethics problems coming fast
You’re landing hard on your ass
No throwing stones in a house of glass
When you’re starring in a demon cleansing mass

Now your thinning hair reeks with perfume
You’re a spaceman cuz you see the moon
Your fans would shout and dance
Oh, to your “drill baby drill” chants!
Katie Couric made you squirm and squeal
And that was when your fate was sealed
Do you recall what was revealed
The day your future died?

We started singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Oh, and then that look upon your face
Not knowing a Supreme Court case
Forget about the Bush Doctrine
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick
Sarah Palin’s no “Maverick”
Cuz she’s just a “Barbie” to Todd’s “Ken”

As we watched you on that debate stage
Your hands were clenched in fists of rage
Everyone then could tell
You were praying for the bell
And as you hoped that you could land a right,
To salvage something of the night
We saw Biden laughing with delight
That day your future died

Joe was singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Palin’s a girl who has the blues
And she cannot handle interviews
She quit her job and walked away
She could not take it any more
She hightailed it right out the door
Just like a scared child, she up and ran away

And in the streets the voters beamed,
The good Lord had fulfilled their dreams
Sherry Johnston was tokin’
The “barracuda” broken
We did not really want to boast
But “Mama Bear” was finally toast
She’ll write about it through her ghost
That day her future died.

And we were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

We were singing
Bye-bye Miss Alaska bye-bye
You were shady and darn lazy
With a crazy beehive
And your background boys were making turkey head pie
Then you quit on the third day of July
Quit on the third day of July

Welcome Back Sarah Palin!

Sarah Palin/Julianne Moore

Don’t you miss those halcyon days when every morning we were treated to some new breaking story detailing the insane antics of Sarah Palin and her family? We were all entertained on a near daily basis as Palin claimed she could see Russia or that the new health care law established “death panels” or when she claimed that Paul Revere was ringing bells and firing musket shots to warn the British during his famous midnight ride. It was hilarious to watch her struggle to name a single newspaper or magazine which she reads, or to name a Supreme Court decision which she disagreed with or to incorrectly explain the function of the Vice President to a 5th grader. Who will ever forget when she abruptly quit her position as Governor of Alaska after having served only half a term and then jumped right into the respectable field of reality television?

Ahhh, those were the days. Unfortunately (for us) however, Sarah Palin’s entertainment value came to a seemingly sudden halt last November when she announced that she would not seek the Republican nomination for President of the United States. Not only were we denied a year’s worth of belly-ache-inducing laughs, but the late night television talk shows and tabloid newspapers were denied a steady source of material.

But wait!… What’s this?… We have breaking Palin news!

We have just learned that Sarah Palin and her handlers have awoken from hibernation, crawled out of their holes and opened their mouths. it seems they are upset about the new HBO movie about The Queen of Quit. They claim that the film titled “Game Change”, which features  Julianne Moore as Palin, portrays the 2008 GOP vice presidential nominee in a harsh and unfair light.

The group of current and former Palin advisers – Jason Recher, Randy Scheunemann, Meg Stapleton, Andy Davis, Thomas Van Flein, Doug McMarlin and Tim Crawford – jointly railed against the film in a conference call with reporters last night. Recher said, “It’s a false portrait cobbled together by a bunch of people who simply weren’t there.” Former Palin spokeswoman Meg Stapleton took aim at author and film consultant Steve Schmidt (A top John McCain adviser) and said, “Steve Schmidt is proud to stretch the truth in his shoot-first style, and this time he has gone too far. He is abusive and abrasive and nothing short of a world class bully.” Randy Scheunemann said, “To call this movie fiction gives fiction a bad name.”

Those are all very damning comments about the film. Problem is, they are meritless comments. You see, CNN reports that none of them have actually seen the film and they admitted they were making their assessments based largely on the “tone” of the two-minute trailer, which at times portrays Palin as moody, arrogant and unhinged. It should also be noted that the film’s production team offered a private screening to Palin and her husband Todd – which they also declined. Sarah Palin said, “I’m really not too concerned about an HBO movie based on a false narrative when there are so many other things that we need to be talking about,” Isn’t it so Palinesque to comment upon things which one knows little to nothing about?

The film’s screenwriter Danny Strong stated in an email to CNN, “We stand by the film as being an accurate and fair portrayal of the events of the campaign. The script is also based on 25 interviews I conducted with members of the actual campaign. Secondary sources include Sarah Palin’s book ‘Going Rogue’, other books written on the campaign and innumerable newspaper and magazine articles.”

“Game Change” will be premiering on HBO on Saturday, March 10, 2012 at 9:00 PM EST. Until then, please amuse yourselves with this highlight reel of Sarah Palin’s greatest hits.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6U219P_zs7w

THE WRECK OF THE SARAH L. PALIN (Version Two)

(sung to the Gordon Lightfoot song “The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald ”)

The legend lives on from the North Slope on down
To the town they call Sandpoint, Idaho
The Heath’s one would say, had a daughter that day
Why they kept her, I must say, “I don’t know”

They loaded up the truck and they tested their luck
When they moved to Wasilla, Alaska
Sarah enrolled in school and was nobody’s fool
On the court they called her “Barracuda”.

In 1982 she left for Honolulu
Off to Hawaii Pacific College
She did not last long there nor at anywhere
In her quest for some meaningful knowledge.

She finally did see a journalism degree
After stints at 5 or 6 safety schools
Sometime in between she was a pageant queen
Then she worked in TV for KTUU.

She met up with her fate sometime in ’88
When her TV career was a failin’
And everyone knew, as her parents did too
She would soon be the Bride of Todd Palin.

Long before she did wed, she conceived in his bed
That was the end of her abstinency
While laid out on her back, she gave birth to Lil’ Track
The result of an unwed pregnancy.

She was now in a lurch cuz of her right wing church
But she carried on without a care
She had a beehive hairdo, but had nothing to do
That all changed when she became the Mayor.

She appointed some crooks then she banned some good books
No one lasted if they weren’t on her team
Wasilla’s deficit grew, kids fired-up on homebrew
Not to mention the methamphetamine.

She became the next Guv and to show the state love
She proposed to unite remote shore banks
But once in a bind she politely declined
To the bridge she said,”Thanks but no thanks”.

John McCain now you see had to choose a VP
His campaign was certainly failin’
He wanted a she that was trés “mavericky”
So he chose Alaska’s Sarah Palin.

But poor press reviews of her live interviews
With Couric and Gibson oft replayed
Showed she could not spar with the nightly news stars
Let alone outperform Tina Fey

The election was lost and poor Sarah was tossed
From her seat on “The Straight Talk Express”
She went home and did pose in her new store-bought clothes
But  Alaskans were not now impressed

She’s no longer a saint due to ethics complaints
She has nobody left now to wink at
Her opinions ignored and her actions abhorred
“Hockey mom” once again is a rink rat

Her career was a blip, it was a sinking ship
Her supporters are jumpin’ and bailin’
Her character flaws became the final straw
For the wreck known as Sarah L. Palin

Failin’ Palin Gives Advice To Mitt(wit) Romney

The absurdity of the race that is “The Koch Brothers Flying Republican Nomination Circus” was on full display Saturday.

Sarah Palin decided to give advice to Mitt Romney. In an interview with CNN and The New York Times before her speech to the Conservative Political Action Conference in Washington, Palin said she was confused by Romney’s declaration here on Friday that he was a “severely conservative Republican.” “I wasn’t quite sure what the word ‘severely’ meant,” Palin said. The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska also said Romney needs to better explain his “shifts in ideology” (i.e. his 100s of flip-flops).

“You have to have the Tea Party patriots enthused and energized in order to win this nomination, and more importantly in order to defeat Barack Obama,” Palin argued.

Think about that for a moment. The woman who knows absolutely nothing about how to defeat Barack Obama is giving advice as to how to do so. Does Palin forget that she and John McCain were trounced by Barack Obama and Joe Biden in the 2008 election?

Sarah Palin, the reality television personality has nothing to offer in the form of advice regarding how to beat the man who so convincingly defeated her!

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to have more fun singing along.

Crazy song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OVtpnpCOKM

CRAZY

(sung to the Patsy Cline song “Crazy”)

Crazy
Palin is chock-full of baloney
She’s crazy
Crazy and without a clue

We knew
She’s psychologically haunted
And that someday
She’d make her asylum debut

Sorry
She could be a guest on Maury
Wondrin’
How did she go so koo-koo

Oh, crazy
As crazy as her husband, First Dude
There’s no use denyin’
Cheatin’ and lyin’
Sarah’s crazy
We know it’s true

Crazy
We’re not sure if Palin’s sniffing glue
It seems like she’s flyin’
We’re not just implyin’
Sarah’s crazy
We know it’s true

Sarah Palin Is Gingrich’s Newest Mistress!

The Christmas season may be over but progressive bloggers just received another present. Lo and behold, Sarah Palin has reemerged (no word on whether or not she saw her shadow).

Just prior to the Republican South Carolina primary election (and dutifully following in the footsteps of husband Todd “First Dude” Palin), Sarah Palin has endorsed Newt “3 Wives” Gingrich. She did so while appearing on Sean Hannity’s Fox News show (where else?). When Hannity asked Palin if she would endorse Gingrich she said, “If I had to vote in South Carolina, in order to keep this thing going, I’d vote for Newt.”

The next day after receiving Palin’s endorsement, the serial-philandering Newt Gingrich made an announcement and promise of his very own. While appearing on CNN‘s Wolf Blitzer show (what? Not Fox?), Gingrich was asked whether he would consider naming Sarah Palin his Vice Presidential running mate in light of her endorsement. Gingrich replied as follows: “I would ask her to consider taking a major role in the next administration if I’m president…”.

A “major role” in a Presidential administration generally means a cabinet appointment. Can you imagine the likes of Sarah Palin having a cabinet position? Yikes! What particular position might that be?

Secretary of State:  Nope. Palin believes that North Korea is our ally;

Secretary of Defense:  Nope. Palin has a “trigger finger” as demonstrated on her reality television show;

Secretary of Labor:  Not a chance. There are too many questions surrounding her own labor while carrying her fifth child.

Secretary of Transportation:  Nope. An in-depth knowledge of the working of snow-machines is not a qualification;

Secretary of Agriculture:  Nope. Not much agriculture in the snowy wilds of Alaska;

Secretary of Education:  Nope. Palin is shockingly unqualified for this position inasmuch as it took her 6 years and 5 different colleges to earn a mere bachelor’s degree. Also, have you ever heard her try to speak? Her unfamiliarity with American history was on display when she said that Paul Revere was warning the British by means of firing musket shots and ringing bells on his famous “Midnight Ride”;

Secretary of Energy: “Drill Baby, Drill” – No Chance;

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development:  Nope. Palin has never been in an urban area for any period of time and have you noticed the lack of building codes in Alaska? If not, go to the beautiful City of Wasilla sometime;

Secretary of Health and Human Services:  Nope. I refer you to the aforementioned wild plane rides while in labor with her 5th child;

Secretary of Veterans Affairs:  Nope. She has a publicly stated hatred for entitlements of all kinds;

Secretary of Commerce:  Nope. she played too loose and fast with her own PAC’s funds and she charged the taxpayers of Alaska for all those plane trips and hotels enjoyed by her children. Don’t forget all those expensive RNC-purchased clothes that she never returned;

Secretary of Homeland Security:  Nope. Palin mistakenly thinks that when “Putin raises his head and enters U.S. airspace”, he does so over Alaska;

Secretary of Treasury:  Nope. See Secretary of Commerce;

Attorney General: Nope. She is not qualified to be an attorney; and

UN Ambassador:  God help us!

Perhaps Newt Gingrich should simply consider appointing Sarah Palin to the only secretary position she is qualified for. She spends so much time on Facebook and Twitter, that she would be an excellent data entry clerk in the general secretarial pool.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Copacabana song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMHp9a5FwrI

COPACAVILLA

(sung to the Barry Manilow song “Copacabana”)

Her name was Sarah, She was a schoolgirl
With lots of style gel in her hair and a dress cut down to there
She used to play flute, and she was Todd’s type
And yes she was a sportscaster, a job that she could not master
Although she was a pup, with Todd she got knocked-up
They were young and they had each other
Just a mere hiccup

At the Copa, Copacavilla
The hottest spot north of Wasilla
At the Copa, Copacavilla
Those rimless glasses made them look like asses
At the Copa…they fell in love

(Copa Copacavilla)

His name was Toddie, she liked his body
They got married one fine day, He insisted he’s not gay
They said a prayer, then she was mayor
But to add some attitude, she changed his name to the “First Dude”
Sarah then hired some crooks, and then she banned some books
There was trouble with city contracts
So they cooked the books

At the Copa, Copacavilla
The hottest spot north of Wasilla
At the Copa, Copacavilla
Handouts and kickbacks and lots of “Joe Sixpacks”
At the Copa…next it was Guv

(Copa..Copacavilla)
(Copa Copacavilla) (Copacavilla, ahh ahh ahh ahh)
(Ahh ahh ahh ahh Copa Copacavilla)
(Wasilla,  rhymes with vanilla)
(Dumbness and fashion… were always her passion)

Her name is Sarah, she is the Guv’nor
She even tried to be V.P.,  cuz she was so damn “Mavericky”
That was a pipedream for our gal, Sarah
The job was above her pay-grade. More substance in lemonade
Her inlaw getting high. Now she just hates Levi
She lost the race and she lost her mojo
Now she’s lost her mind!

At the Copa (CO), Copacavilla (Copacavilla)
The hottest spot north of Wasilla (Here)
At the Copa (CO), Copacavilla
No education. Unwed procreation
At the Copa…That’s our dear Guv

(Copa) That’s our dear Guv
Copacavilla
Copacavilla
(Fade to end)

Crazy Palin Advises GOP Candidates On New Year’s Eve

Sarah Palin celebrates New Year's Eve in Wasilla, Alaska.

The publicity hound known as Sarah Palin has emerged yet again on this, the last day of 2011. The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska has published a column in the Washington Post in which she gives advice to the insane clown posse of candidates for the Republican nomination for President of the United States.

Think about that for a moment. As if the wacky and unqualified GOP field of candidates have not already embarrassed themselves enough already, they should now take advise from the wacky and unqualified Alaskan who proved to be the downfall of John McCain’s Presidential campaign in 2008? If such is the case, then it is evident that today’s Republican Party exists in some sort of alternative universe wherein up is down and good is bad and day is night.

What is worse however, is Palin’s actual advice. In a year-end effort to rake-in a little extra cash, she instructs the GOP candidates to buy her book. She says,

“Given the concerns I have for some of the Republican field’s focus thus far, I must implore the candidates to do something that sounds self-promoting, but whatever. Candidates, please turn to Chapter Three of “Going Rogue” and read what it takes for our country to step toward energy independence. Note the lesson I share in the same chapter about taking on the “elite,” the crony capitalists and the permanent political establishment to get a job done”

She then follows up by immediately contradicting herself. In her next paragraph she writes,

“Understand how the left’s terrifyingly naive assault on American industry exposes us to the mercy of foreign regimes whose prime objective is, at worst, our permanent demise and, at best, is stripping away our freedom.”

Didn’t Palin first say that the “crony capitalists” were the problem? Aren’t the crony capitalists those same American industries that exert unlimited influence on Congress through their highly compensated K Street lobbyists? As a result of that influence, don’t the corporate capitalist cronies gain political influence over our economy which is denied to the people? What is Palin’s point?

Her advice gets even more superficial and absurd when she says that the “prime objective” of “foreign regimes” is, at best, “stripping away our freedom”. How are foreign regimes stripping away our freedom? Of course Palin fails to provide any substantiation whatsoever for that crazy allegation.

Here’s hoping the flip-flopping duo of Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich, and the moonbat-crazy trio of  Rick Santorum, Michele Bachmann and Ron Paul heed Palin’s advise and thereby hasten their self-imposed political implosions. That would leave the only somewhat sane and adult GOP candidate in the room to move forward. Jon Huntsman would at least be a credible candidate and the general election campaign could then focus on the important issues and not simple broad talking points about “love of country” and “compassionate conservatism” and “mavericky mayhem”.

Please enjoy this New Year’s related song parody until we see you again next year. Here’s wishing a happy and healthy 2012 to all of you!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s New Year’s Eve inspired song parody.

Same Auld Lang Syne song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NmdFgFyhnk

SAME OLD LAME WHINE

(sung to the Dan Fogelberg song “Same Auld Lang Syne”)

Met Sarah Palin at a Walmart store
She was shoplifting like a thief
There was no sign of kids or the “First Dude”
‘Cuz Sarah brings home the beef

I recoiled from her aging face at first
But then her eyes flew open wide
She knew I saw the moose meat in her purse
And then she just fibbed and lied

I said I was not a security man
And then Sarah Palin was glad
She lacked any sense of embarrassment
At the thought that she was bagged

I asked if we could have a drink or two
Cuz she was such a rising star
We met “Joe Sixpack” at the liquor store
And we three went to a bar

We drank a toast to ignorance
She was a toasted cow
She tried to explain her head’s emptiness
But she did not know how

She said she’s married to a derelict
Who can’t keep a job if he tried
She would have like to say she loved the man
But she couldn’t stand the guy

I said “death panels” were the end for her
That she could turn a Red-State Blue
And did she fear her would-be son-in-law?
She just said, “Lynn, F_ _ _  you”

She said she hated all the pro-choice whores
And that she hoped they’d go to Hell
I asked if Coulter was a “he” or “she”?
Palin said she could not tell

She toasted her omnipotence
And asked us all to bow
I said, “so long and good riddance,
I must be leaving now”

Then one last toast to ignorance
Cuz it was closing time
She lacks a sense of eloquence
But has that old lame whine

The beers were empty and our tongues were tired
Another book signing today
She put her hat on and hopped on her broom
And I watched her fly away

She graduated from a “safety school”
So she has no-one else to blame
There’s no intelligence inside her dome
That’s why she is so lame.

More Palin Wailin’ and Complainin’

Sarah Palin has recently re-emerged in the public eye by means of announcing another season of her reality television show and by implying that she might yet enter the GOP Presidential race. Of course, when Mama Bear emerges from hibernation, the stupid is sure to follow. Lo and behold, it came today.

Palin appeared on Fox News (where else?) and criticized President Obama’s official White House holiday greeting card. In a nod to Fox News’ fictitious “War on Christmas”, she targeted the card for not emphasizing Christmas.

The card features an image of Bo, the Obama family dog, in front of a fireplace in the White House library with a poinsettia and other decorations. The text reads, “From our family to yours, may your holidays shine with the light of the season.”

Palin, who criticizes every single thing the President does, told Fox News that she found it “odd” that the card emphasizes the dog instead of traditions like “family, faith and freedom.” She also said that Americans are able to appreciate “American foundational values illustrated and displayed on Christmas cards and on a Christmas tree.”

Palin however, must be unaware of the official Holiday/Christmas cards issued by such past Presidents as Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford and Ronald Reagan. How else could she explain her lack of criticism at those Republican Presidents who also chose to mail cards which lacked depictions of families and Christmas trees? Nixon’s card showed George Washington overseeing the construction of the White House without depicting one single image of Christmas. Ford’s card showed a wintery snow-covered exterior scene of an old farm house and livestock. Reagan’s card was very similar to Obama’s. It too featured an image of a White House fireplace with some holiday wreaths and floral decoration, but with no Christmas tree or emphasis of family. Indeed, the Reagan card did not even feature the American icon known as “the family dog”. Where was the conservative right-wing outrage at those Presidents? Hmmm…

Nixon Holiday Card 1971

Ford Holiday Card 1975

Reagan Holiday Card 1985

Sarah Palin has proven once again that she is a shallow, uneducated and petty person who has no sense of history. Is it really any wonder that she was so confused as to believe that Paul Revere was ringing bells and warning the British of the American colonists’ stock of firearms during his famous “Midnight Ride”?

In honor of the troops, please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along to today’s Holiday Season inspired song parody.

The Twelve Days Of Christmas song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QpinzLXXp14

THE TWELVE DAYS OF PALIN CHRISTMAS

(sung to the Christmas carol “The Twelve Days Of Christmas”)

On the first day of Christmas
Palin did send to me
Some hate from the Tea Party.

On the second day of Christmas
Sarah did send to me
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the third day of Christmas
Palin did send to me
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the fourth day of Christmas
Sarah did send to me
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the fifth day of Christmas
Palin did send to me
Five lame-ass zings
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the sixth day of Christmas
Sarah did send to me
Six pointless sayings
Five lame-ass zings
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the seventh day of Christmas
Palin did send to me
Seven Palins fibbing
Six pointless sayings
Five lame-ass zings
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the eighth day of Christmas
Sarah did send to me
Eight folks she’s bilking
Seven Palins fibbing
Six pointless sayings
Five lame-ass zings
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the ninth day of Christmas
Palin did send to me
Todd sideways glancing
Eight folks she’s bilking
Seven Palins fibbing
Six pointless sayings
Five lame-ass zings
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the tenth day of Christmas
Sarah did send to me
Joe McGinnis peeping
Todd sideways glancing
Eight folks she’s bilking
Seven Palins fibbing
Six pointless sayings
Five lame-ass zings
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the eleventh day of Christmas
Palin did send to me
Willow and Piper griping
Joe McGinnis peeping
Todd sideways glancing
Eight folks she’s bilking
Seven Palins fibbing
Six pointless sayings
Five lame-ass zings
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.

On the twelfth day of Christmas
Sarah did send to me
“Joe the Plumber” plumbing
Willow and Piper griping
Joe McGinnis peeping
Todd sideways glancing
Eight folks she’s bilking
Seven Palins fibbing
Six pointless sayings
Five lame-ass zings
Four made-up words
Banned-book-ends
Crib-noted gloves
And some hate from the Tea Party.