Category Archives: Rudolph Giuliani

Can Giuliani Be “Dragged” Into 2012 Race?

Giuliani meeting with his potential Presidential Cabinet members!

At this point, Lynnrockets’ Blast-Off will hold off on commenting upon the Keith Olbermann/MSNBC divorce for two reasons. First of all, we do not yet have a fact-based explanation for the split and therefore, any comment would be based upon mere conjecture (then again, that has never stopped us before). More importantly however, it seems that every other blog is already commenting upon what little we know about the break-up and we do not want to pile-on when we have little original content to contribute. But do not worry Rocketeers, until we learn more about Olbermann, we do have this tasty tidbit…

Add another crackpot to the 2012 Republican list of potential Presidential candidates. Despite his disastrous attempt at running for our nation’s highest office in 2008, former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani says he hasn’t ruled out a second try in 2012. Yikes, we can possibly add him to a list of crazies that may include Mitt(wit) Romney, Tim (Good’n) Pawlenty, Bobby Jindel(Bells), Sarah “Death Panels” Palin, Newt “The Serial Philanderer” Gingrich and Mike Huckabee(Hound). What a bunch of rotten bananas.

Once again Giuliani is saying that the door is “absolutely” open to making another run for the White House. “I will take a look at 2012. It’s really a question of: can I play a useful role? Would I have a chance of getting the nomination? Those are things I’ll have to evaluate, you know, as the year goes along,” said Giuliani, in an interview Thursday on CNBC’s “The Kudlow Report.”

Giuliani also told CNN‘s Piers Morgan he’s more likely to run for president if former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin runs. The cross-dressing former Mayor of New York City said running against Palin for the 2012 GOP nomination would show him as a moderate Republican and “The more Republicans in which I can show a contrast, probably the better chance, the better chance that I have.”

This begs the question however, What will Giuliani talk about in the 2012 campaign season? Remember when during the 2008 race, then Delaware Sen. Joe Biden drew laughter and applause when he ridiculed the former New York City mayor during the debate at Drexel University? In response to Giuliani’s comments that no Democratic candidate has enough executive experience to lead, Biden called Giuliani “the most under-qualified man since George W. Bush to seek the presidency”? How about when Biden followed that up with, “There’s only three things he mentions in a sentence: a noun, and a verb and 9/11″? Ahh, those halcyon days of Rudy Giuliani and 9/11.

His Presidential run was a joke, but as the saying goes, “you can throw away the poop but not the stink”. Actually, we are not sure if that is truly a saying, but if it isn’t, it should be. Honestly though, Giuliani seems to pop up more than the pesky rodent in the “Whack-a-Mole” carnival midway game. Let’s hope he runs again, if for no other reason than for the laughs.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

That’s Amore song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69O4PXzAQ5Y

GIULIANI

(sung to the Dean Martin song “That’s Amoré”)

In New York Town on the air-waves
Rudy does have a lot to say

He just sits there and lies but to him we are wise
Giuliani!!!
He appears in prime-time and repeats his tired lines
Giuliani!!!
He was king ding-a-ling-a-ling, ding-a-ling-a-ling
And a wife cheating fella
He can’t see his stupidity, his stupidity
He’s blind like Helen Keller

As he speaks watch the drool, that Rudy is a fool
Giuliani!!!
All his friends on Wall Street think that he can’t be beat
Lord above
He is a cliché machine all of the time he is
Scheming, signore
Scuzza me, but you see, he’s from the G.O.P.
Giuliani!!!

(He just sits there and lies but to him we are wise
Giuliani) Giuliani!!!
(He appears in prime time and repeats his tired lines
Giuliani) Giuliani!!!
(He was king ding-a-ling-a-ling, ding-a-ling-a-ling
And a wife cheating fella) Go to Hell, cheating fella
He can’t see his stupidity, his stupidity
He’s blind like Helen Keller) Sorry fella

Rudy’s angry and cruel and stubborn like a mule
GiulianI!!! (Giuliani)
He is doomed to repeat Presidential defeat
Sure enough
He tells us of his dreams but his words have no
Meaning, signore
Scuzza me, Rudy G., but we hardly knew ye
Cuz you’re boring (so boring)
See, we’re snoring

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Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 66

Just a few newsworthy events (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

First of all, GO PATRIOTS! De”feet” the JETS!

BREAKING NEWS: In case you have not noticed, President Barack Obama‘s approval rating has climbed steadily in recent weeks to its highest point in nearly a year. According to an Associated Press-GfK poll, 53 percent of Americans surveyed said that they approve of how Obama is doing his job. Obama’s approval was last at 53 percent in early March 2010, before his health care reform bill was passed in its final form. The poll was conducted between January 5th and 10th. No doubt the rating will rise even more after the president’s recent speech in Tucson, Arizona.

THIS JUST IN: In case you are interested here is the most recent list of the 50 states as ranked by gun fatalities per 100,000 residents as provided by the Daily Beast.

#1, Mississippi Gun deaths per 100,000: 18.3 Permissive gun laws: 4th out of 50

#2, Arizona Gun deaths per 100,000: 15 Permissive gun laws: 1st out of 50

#3, Alaska Gun deaths per 100,000: 17.6 Permissive gun laws: 11th out of 50

#4, Arkansas Gun deaths per 100,000: 15.1 Permissive gun laws: 7th out of 50

#5, Louisiana Gun deaths per 100,000: 19.9 Permissive gun laws: 23rd out of 50

#6, New Mexico Gun deaths per 100,000: 15 Permissive gun laws: 6th out of 50

#7, Alabama Gun deaths per 100,000: 17.6 Permissive gun laws: 27th out of 50

#8, Nevada Gun deaths per 100,000: 16.2 Permissive gun laws: 22nd out of 50

#9, Montana Gun deaths per 100,000: 14.5 Permissive gun laws: 10th out of 50

#10, Wyoming Gun deaths per 100,000: 14.5 Permissive gun laws: 8th out of 50

#11, Kentucky Gun deaths per 100,000: 14.4 Permissive gun laws: 5th out of 50

#12, West Virginia Gun deaths per 100,000: 14.8 Permissive gun laws: 25th out of 50

#13, Tennessee Gun deaths per 100,000: 15 Permissive gun laws: 31st out of 50

#14, Oklahoma Gun deaths per 100,000: 13.4 Permissive gun laws: 17th out of 50

#15, Idaho Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.5 Permissive gun laws: 2nd out of 50

#16, Georgia Gun deaths per 100,000: 13.1 Permissive gun laws: 13th out of 50

#17, Missouri Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.9 Permissive gun laws: 12th out of 50

#18, South Carolina Gun deaths per 100,000: 13.4 Permissive gun laws: 20th out of 50

#19, North Carolina Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.3 Permissive gun laws: 28th out of 50

#20, Florida Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.5 Permissive gun laws: 41st out of 50

#21, Kansas Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.5 Permissive gun laws: 14th out of 50

#22, Indiana Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.6 Permissive gun laws: 21st out of 50

#23, Texas Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.7 Permissive gun laws: 32nd out of 50

#24, Michigan Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.9 Permissive gun laws: 39th out of 50

#25, Maryland Gun deaths per 100,000: 12.1 Permissive gun laws: 44th out of 50

#26, Colorado Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.4 Permissive gun laws: 24rd out of 50

#27, Pennsylvania Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.7 Permissive gun laws: 40th out of 50

#28, Virginia Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.7 Permissive gun laws: 35th out of 50

#29, Utah Gun deaths per 100,000: 9.5 Permissive gun laws: 18th out of 50

#30, Vermont Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.4 Permissive gun laws: 3rd out of 50

#31, Oregon Gun deaths per 100,000: 10.4 Permissive gun laws: 30th out of 50

#32, North Dakota Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.9 Permissive gun laws: 15th out of 50

#33, Ohio Gun deaths per 100,000: 9.6 Permissive gun laws: 29th out of 50

#34, Maine Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.1 Permissive gun laws: 9th out of 50

#35, Delaware Gun deaths per 100,000: 9.2 Permissive gun laws: 33rd out of 50

#36, Wisconsin Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.7 Permissive gun laws: 34th out of 50

#37, Nebraska Gun deaths per 100,000: 8 Permissive gun laws: 19th out of 50

#38, South Dakota Gun deaths per 100,000: 6.5 Permissive gun laws: 16th out of 50

#39, Washington Gun deaths per 100,000: 8.5 Permissive gun laws: 37th out of 50

#40, California Gun deaths per 100,000: 9 Permissive gun laws: 50th out of 50

#41, New Hampshire Gun deaths per 100,000: 5.9 Permissive gun laws: 26th out of 50

#42, Minnesota Gun deaths per 100,000: 6.6 Permissive gun laws: 36th out of 50

#43, Illinois Gun deaths per 100,000: 8 Permissive gun laws: 45th out of 50

#44, Iowa Gun deaths per 100,000: 5.3 Permissive gun laws: 38th out of 50

#45, New York Gun deaths per 100,000: 5.1 Permissive gun laws: 43rd out of 50

#46, New Jersey Gun deaths per 100,000: 5.2 Permissive gun laws: 49th out of 50

#47, Connecticut Gun deaths per 100,000: 4.3 Permissive gun laws: 46th out of 50

#48, Rhode Island Gun deaths per 100,000: 3.5 Permissive gun laws: 42nd out of 50

#49, Massachusetts Gun deaths per 100,000: 3.6 Permissive gun laws: 48th out of 50

#50, Hawaii Gun deaths per 100,000: 2.8 Permissive gun laws: 47th out of 50

As you will notice, 17 of the 20 states with the most gun fatalities per-capita are Red (Republican/conservative) states. Conversely, the 11 states with the fewest gun fatalities per-capita are Blue (Democratic/liberal) states. “Nuff said.

BREAKING NEWS: Remember not too long ago when rap singers were criticized by those on the right for their violent lyrics? Those lyrics, we were told, could inspire violence. Then why are those on the right not as equally aghast at the violent rhetoric and symbolism which is fostered by Sarah Palin (Don’t retreat – RELOAD”, Sharron Angle (2nd Amendment remedies), Glenn Beck (Kill Charlie Rangel with a shovel), Ann “The Man” Coulter (Timothy McVeigh should have bombed the New York Times building) and Mike Huckabee (That’s Obama diving to the floor to avoid gunshots)? Good question?

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “I Don’t Know Much About History” features Glenn Beck. He criticized the House Republican leadership for its decision not to read the “three fifths of a person” language of the original Constitution which was subsequently replaced through amendment. Beck said,

“Three-fifths clause. African-Americans: three-fifths in the South, three-fifths of a human being. That’s an outrage, unless you know why they put that in there. They put that in there because if slaves in the South were counted as full human beings, they could never abolish slavery. They would never be able to do it. It was a time bomb. Progressives should love that. It was a way to take a step to abolish slavery.”

As is usually the case, Beck could not have been more wrong.University of Pennsylvania history professor Rick Beeman states,

“They put [the three-fifths clause] there because delegates from the Southern states would never have agreed to the Constitution unless some weight was given to their slave populations in the apportionment of representation. They wanted slaves counted 100%, but when they saw that they could not get that, they settled for 3/5. The practical effect of that, far from making easier to abolish slavery, made it more difficult. It gave added weight to southern political power in Congress, it inflated Southern power in the apportioning of electoral votes, which led to a succession of Southern presidents. Ironically, the best thing that could have been done with respect to making it easier to abolish slavery would have been to have given slaves NO weight in the apportioning of representation.”

Glenn Beck never lets the facts get in the way of a good lie.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Why Can’t I Get The Toothpaste Back In The Tube” features former Minnesota Governor Tim “Good &” Pawlenty. The likely Republican candidate for the 2012 presidency told anti-gay radio host Brian Fischer that he we would support reinstating the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” ban on gays in the military. This begs the question, just how could a reinstatement be accomplished? Would the gay soldiers that came out be forced to then go back into the closet? Additionally, would the military brass somehow magically be able to forget the identities of those soldiers that did come out? Please Tim, do tell.

THIS JUST IN: After having come under fire from all quarters this past week for fostering violent rhetoric, the right-wing talking heads can now turn their attention to one of their favorite whipping boards; the French. This week a brawling smoker turned his trans-Atlantic flight from France into something resembling a bar fight and is facing criminal charges. The man was illegally smoking in the rest room and when confronted, he started a fight. After finally being apprehended by federal air marshals the passenger continued to verbally abuse individuals around him, yelling in substance ‘I’m French, f*** you!'” This event will have Limbaugh, Beck and Hannity chirping for days.

BREAKING NEWS: On Friday afternoon Michael Steele stepped down from the chairmanship of the Republican National Committee. Really, was there ever any doubt about that happening? Now Steele will have all the time he needs to spend with lesbian bondage strippers.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “Tell Us Something That Wasn’t Obvious” features former President Ronald Reagan. His youngest son Ron Reagan, Jr. revealed in his new book that he believes his father showed signs of Alzheimer’s disease while he was in the White House. In the book titled “My Father at 100,” which is due out next week, Ron Reagan writes, “Three years into his first term as President … I was feeling the first shivers of concern that something beyond mellowing was affecting my father.” It is only a matter of time now before senior members of the G.O.P. and right-wing shock jocks begin undermining Reagan Jr. for having the audacity to speak truthfully about his own father.

BREAKING NEWS: Arizona state and federal law enforcement officials have conclusively proved that killer Jared Loughner is, in fact, a member of the Republican Party. A recently discovered roll of 35mm film contained a photograph of Loughner posing with a 9mm handgun while wearing a red G-string. This is incontrovertible proof that Loughner is a member of the G.O.P. because numerous members of that party have displayed an affinity for being photographed with either firearms or fetish wear. David “Diapers” Vitter and Rudolph “9/11” Giuliani were unavailable for comment.

Rudy "9/11" Giuliani

Today’s song parody takes a rapid-fire look at Republicans past, present and future. Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the parody.

We Didn’t Start The Fire song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFTLKWw542g&ob=av3em

WE DIDN’T START THE LYING

(sung to the Billy Joel song “We Didn’t Start The Fire”)

Ronald Reagan, Larry Craig, Mark Sanford, Tom Delay
Michelle Malkin, Michele Bachmann, “Goin’ with the flow”

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Howard Baker, lack of vision
Spreading Fear, Acting queer, and ole Sixpack Joe

No icebergs, H-Bomb, “Pay for play”, “Hockey Mom”
Landrieu, Hamid Karzai, and that Michael Savage guy

Ivy tower, Van Flein, Tea-bagger party scene
Party of “No”, Tim Pawlenty, Let’s watch Glenn Beck cry

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Vitter’s fallin’, Ginny Foxx, Boehner and Inhofe
Mitch McConnell, small umbrella, Talking the talk

Spin Zone, Rent to own, Straight martini, Bank loan
Russian view and Pastor Haggard’s flock

Sex crimes, Grassley, John McCain is “Mavericky”
Lining pockets, health care plan, Giuliani, Limbaugh Land

Barrasso, Fake protest, Tom “The Hammer”, Chambliss
Senate race, Lack of grace, and Melvin Martinez

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Loaded Glock, SarahPAC, Sam Alito, Johnny Mack
Jindal, Right to die, Tripp’s father is Levi

Pentagon, Border wall, We must deport them all
Bed-wetters, genocide, No assisted suicide

Bush’s folly, Torture, Dick Cheney, Blackwater
Hate groups, Castro, John Ensign and his ‘ho

First Dude, Hannity, Mann Coulter and O’Reilly
Scooter Libby, Karl Rove, Sarah Palin’s “Sixpack Joes”

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Kay Bailey, Muslims, K Street is full of bums
Villains, Pearlman, Iraqi Invasion

Health reform hysteria, Sarah Palin mania
Shameless G-Men, War in Afghanistan

Ron Paul, Airport sex, They don’t want no litmus test
Kneel and pray, Always “nay”, Can’t get married if you’re gay

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Birth control, Lives of sin, They like folks that have white skin
Buckshot, Dow stock, Loud mouthed chicken-hawks
Takin’ Bacon, Palestine, Palin is no friend of mine
Now they have nukes in Iran, Couldn’t stop the Taliban

Makin’ fortunes, Soldiers die, Did we mention Glenn Beck cried?
Foreign debts, Homeless vets, Exposed by three jets
We voted them out the door, Now they’re just a mouse that roars
Spider holes and unjust wars, I can’t take them anymore.

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it
(repeat chorus to fade)

A Noun, A Verb and 9/11 in 2012?

Mr. 9/11

Add another crackpot to the 2012 Republican list of potential Presidential candidates. Despite his disastrous attempt at running for our nation’s highest office in 2008, former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani says he hasn’t ruled out a second try in 2012. Yikes, we can possibly add him to a list of crazies that may include Mitt(wit) Romney, Tim (Good’n) Pawlenty, Bobby Jindel(Bells), Sarah “Death Panels” Palin, Newt “The Serial Philanderer” Gingrich and Mike Huckabee(Hound). What a bunch of rotten bananas.

“The door’s not closed,” Giuliani told Politico on Monday night when asked point-blank if he still has his eyes set on the White House.

This begs the question however, What will Giuliani talk about in the 2012 campaign season? Remember when during the 2008 race, then Delaware Sen. Joe Biden drew laughter and applause when he ridiculed the former New York City mayor during the debate at Drexel University? In response to Giuliani’s comments that no Democratic candidate has enough executive experience to lead, Biden called Giuliani “the most under-qualified man since George W. Bush to seek the presidency”? How about when Biden followed that up with, “There’s only three things he mentions in a sentence: a noun, and a verb and 9/11”? Ahh, those halcyon days of Rudy Giuliani and 9/11.

His Presidential run was a joke, but as the saying goes, “you can throw away the poop but not the stink”. Actually, we are not sure if that is truly a saying, but if it isn’t, it should be. Honestly though, Giuliani seems to pop up more than the pesky rodent in the “Whack-a-Mole” carnival midway game. Let’s hope he runs again, if for no other reason than for the laughs.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

That’s Amore song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69O4PXzAQ5Y

GIULIANI

(sung to the Dean Martin song “That’s Amoré”)

In New York Town on the air-waves
Rudy does have a lot to say

He just sits there and lies but to him we are wise
Giuliani!!!
He appears in prime-time and repeats his tired lines
Giuliani!!!
He was king ding-a-ling-a-ling, ding-a-ling-a-ling
And a wife cheating fella
He can’t see his stupidity, his stupidity
He’s blind like Helen Keller

As he speaks watch the drool, that Rudy is a fool
Giuliani!!!
All his friends on Wall Street think that he can’t be beat
Lord above
He is a cliché machine all of the time he is
Scheming, signore
Scuzza me, but you see, he’s from the G.O.P.
Giuliani!!!

(He just sits there and lies but to him we are wise
Giuliani) Giuliani!!!
(He appears in prime time and repeats his tired lines
Giuliani) Giuliani!!!
(He was king ding-a-ling-a-ling, ding-a-ling-a-ling
And a wife cheating fella) Go to Hell, cheating fella
He can’t see his stupidity, his stupidity
He’s blind like Helen Keller) Sorry fella

Rudy’s angry and cruel and stubborn like a mule
GiulianI!!! (Giuliani)
He is doomed to repeat Presidential defeat
Sure enough
He tells us of his dreams but his words have no
Meaning, signore
Scuzza me, Rudy G., but we hardly knew ye
Cuz you’re boring (so boring)
See, we’re snoring

Palin Must Be Destroyed

Sarah Palin’s wedding photo. 

What with the media’s breathless coverage of her every tweet, Fox News’ willingness to utilize her as a guest host on nearly all of its fictionalized prime time programs and her conservative following’s near pious devotion, one would think that Sarah Palin would be the darling of the leaderless Republican Party. Such is not the case. In fact, the G.O.P. is beginning to realize that the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska may be the catalyst for the marginalization of “The Party of Lincoln”. In short, Sarah Palin may cause the demise of the Republicans.

Just two short years ago almost nobody had ever heard of Sarah Palin. The G.O.P. was led by such familiar names as Mitt Romney, Rudy Giuliani, a resurgent Newt Gingrich and the actor Fred Thompson. Then the unexpected happened. Somehow the centrist John McCain won the Republican Presidential nomination. McCain however, was trailing Democrat Barack Obama by such a wide margin that he was forced to do something drastic in order to draw some attention to his campaign. Much like the literary Dr. Frankenstein, McCain was compelled to create some life from scratch. He stitched together some uber-right-wing conservatism, some female DNA, some down-home colloquialisms, a beehive hairdo and some rimless glasses. His handmade creation was Sarah Palin.

Much like Dr. Frankentein’s monster however, the McCain creation also suffered from some fatal flaws. They both had a damaged brain. Each became stronger and more identifiable than its creator. Both wreaked havoc on society and in the end, the Frankenstein monster and Sarah Palin each turned against their respective creators.

The Palin thing was alive, ALIVE! This 21st century mindless monster quit her job and stumbled out of the wilds of Alaska on her way to the Lower 48. Unable to master the written word, the pathetic creature hired a ghostwriter to pen her fictitious memoir. Unable to master the spoken word, Palin turned to Twitter and Facebook as her means of communication. Unable to appear human on television, she was forced to appear repeatedly on Fox News. The thing that became known as PALIN  sowed fear into the hearts of all uneducated conservatives with her horrific tales of “death panels”, the godless land of Russia that she could see by means of her super-human vision and of her arch enemy, the would-be monster slayer, author Joe McGinniss.

Unlike the Frankenstein monster however, the Palin thing began to amass a large and adoring following. Sure, these devotees were comprised of racist, white, uneducated homophobes from the lowest rung of the food chain, but beggars can’t be choosers. The Palin thing’s fan base became known as the Tea Party (presumably because it is believed that something was slipped into their tea). These Tea-Baggers are a mindless lot that confusingly wants no government control over their government controlled Medicare and Social Security benefits. They hate the Obama administration because of his fictitious tax increases despite the fact that over 95% of them have actually benefited from the President’s middle class tax cuts. These Tea-Baggers have crowned the Palin thing as their de facto queen.

The Palin thing’s Tea Party royalty status is the biggest problem for the creature’s former party.  Before John McCain’s monster was created, the whacko Tea-Baggers were all firmly entrenched members of the Republican Party. They voted in lockstep for every Republican they could find thereby ensuring at least some electoral success for the party. The creation of the Palin thing has changed all of that. The Tea-Baggers are now actively seeking candidates from within their own super-radical ranks. These Tea Party candidates are so out of the mainstream that they oppose meaningful portions of the Civil Rights Act (Rand Paul). They hope to privatize Social Security (Rand Paul, Sharron Angle), criminalize the consumption of alcohol (Sharron Angle), deregulate the oil industry (despite the Gulf oil spill) (Rand Paul), abolish the Dept. of Education (too many to name here), ban maturbation (Christine O’Donnell) and even remove fluoride from the nation’s water supply (Sharron Angle). This is crazy stuff that will draw votes away from Republicans in favor of unelectable radicals and the Palin thing adds to the chaos by endorsing these candidates.

Remember, it was only last November when we witnessed the damage inflicted on the Republican Party by the Palin monster. As you will recall, New York’s 23rd Congressional District seat had been held by the Republicans since the Civil War. In the most recent election the G.O.P. nominee was the popular and relatively centrist Dede Scozzafava. The Democratic Party candidate was the virtually unknown Bill Owens. The Palin thing and her minions in the Tea Party however, felt that Scozzafava was too liberal so they endorsed the conservative radical nut-job Doug Hoffman. Result? Scozzafava (R) dropped out of the race and Owens (D) easily defeated Hoffman (TB’er) and the Democrats captured a seat that they had not held for over a century. Damage done.

The Republican Party now justifiably fears that the Palin thing and her Tea-Bagger followers may cost the G.O.P. victories (and ensure Democratic victories) in any number of races in which the Tea Party fields a candidate. Consequently, it may be just the right time for the Republican faithful to pick up their pitchforks and burning torches and head to Castle Palin while shouting the mantra, “Palin Must Be Destroyed”.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along to this Halloween inspired parody.

Rich Girl song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WG8ubKnwe08&feature=related

WITCH GIRL III

(sung to the Hall & Oates song “Rich Girl”)

You’re a witch girl, up in A-las-ka
And it’s getting worse for you every day
You can perform like a Playboy Bunny
You can perform like a Playboy Bunny
You’re a stitch girl? Cuz you’re quite bizarre
So we really wish you would go away
Pray, Honey that we don’t send you too far
Send you too far

And don’t you know, don’t you know
That it’s wrong to preach politics of hate
You’re so far gone, so far gone
Lil’ Miss Caribou you belong in a zoo
Todd should be in there too

‘Cause

You’re a witch girl and you’re no big star
And mascara won’t help you hide your age
You can go on wearing rimless glasses
You can go on wearing rimless glasses
There’s a hitch girl, you’re a has-been now
And the voters have all left and turned the page
The pitbull is a pig with lipstick now
Now say “Bow Wow”

Not too bright, a bit insane
It’s so sleazy, to damn others just because they complain
Those little fools and their ethics rules
They just get in your way and impede your payday
They will rue the day, oh…

You’re a witch girl, and you’ve gone too far
But that defense fund should help to pay your way
You can rely on that SarahPAC money
You can rely on that SarahPAC money
You’ll be a rich girl with a brand new car
And then you’ll move your family far away
Save money but it won’t get you too far
Save money but it won’t get you too far
Save money but it won’t get you too far
Get you too far

And you say

You can rely on the SarahPAC money
You can rely on the SarahPAC money
You’re a rich girl, a witch girl
Oh, you’re a rich bitch girl yeah
Say money but it won’t get you too far
Oh, get ya too far

G.O.P. Religious Zealot Gingrich Zinged By G.O.P. Religious Zealot Buchanan

Isn’t it entertaining to watch Republicans eat their own? That is what makes the G.O.P. presidential primary debates so fun. Remember in 2008 when Rudolph “9/11” Giuliani accused Mitt(wit) Romney of having a “sanctuary mansion” for having illegal immigrants cut his lawn? How about when Fred “I’m In It Till I Quit It” Thompson accused Giuliani of making NYC a sanctuary city when he said Giuliani had gone to court seeking to overturn a bill designed to ban sanctuary cities. “I helped pass a bill outlawing sanctuary cities,” Thompson said. “The mayor went to court to overturn it. So, if it wasn’t a sanctuary city, I’d call that a frivolous lawsuit.” There was also the instance when John “I’m For Amnesty But I’m Against Amnesty” McCain ripped Romney for refusing to state whether waterboarding constituted torture by stating he was “astonished” that Romney would think the practice might not be torture and that failing to speak in specifics on the issue meant, “you would have to advocate that we withdraw from the Geneva Conventions.” Ahhh, the halcyon days of Republican infighting.

But do not pine for the days of yore so soon. The 2012 campaign has not even kicked off yet but the Republicans are already beginning to snipe at each other. This week’s example was Pat Buchanan vs. Newt Gingrich. On national television, Buchanan claimed that Gingrich is a “political opportunist” who is using the so-called “Ground Zero mosque” issue to position himself for a run at the Republican presidential nomination in 2012.

Gingrich on Monday accused President Obama of “pandering to radical Islam” by expressing support for building an Islamic cultural center which includes a mosque two blocks from the site of the Sept. 11 attacks, adding:

“Nazis don’t have the right to put up a sign next to the Holocaust Museum in Washington. We would never accept the Japanese putting up a sight next to Pearl Harbor. There’s no reason for us to accept a mosque next to the World Trade Center.”

Buchanan responded that Gingrich is “trying to get out and be more flamboyant and more charismatic if you will, and more controversial than Sarah Palin, who is his primary challenger if he gets into Iowa and New Hampshire.” He also said,

“How do you get more attention than Sarah Palin, who’s very good at this, is to go two steps further. I mean, I think bringing the Nazis into the argument is always absurd in American politics because there is no valid comparison there. And secondly, you know you bring that in and that’s all we start talking about.”

But as the saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words, so let’s go to the moving picture show shall we?

Isn’t it great when Republicans come right out of the gate and start accusing people of being Nazis? This should get Fox News’ Glenn Beck and radio’s Rush Limbaugh all ginned up in the coming weeks. Stay tuned, the Hitler analogies are sure to be fast and furious.

Please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s parody.

The Grinch That Stole Christmas song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPBS7dVrE1U

YOU’RE A HAS-BEEN, NEWT GINGRICH

(sung to the Dr. Seuss song “The Grinch That Stole Christmas”)

You’re a has-been, Newt Gingrich
You’re lacking in appeal
Your were ousted as The Speaker
No one wants to hear you squeal
Newt Gingrich

You’re a unicycle
Without even one wheel

You’ve had three wives, Newt Gingrich
A mistress in the hole
Philandering’s your day job
You’re a slimy ugly troll
Newt Gingich

These woman that like you, must
Be on work-release or parole

You’re a vile one, Newt Gingrich
Your words reek with rancid bile
Your criticizing ol’ Bill Clinton
As you’re cheating all the while
Newt Gingrich

There couldn’t be a bigger hypocrite
Within a Midwest country mile

You’re a foul one, Newt Gingrich
Your first divorce smelled of skunk
Your wife, Jackie fighting cancer
You told her she was junk
Newt Gingrich

The nicest words to describe you,
Are, as follows, and I quote, Pink. Wank, Punk

You’re a coward, Newt Gingrich
Avoided your army spot
Deferment-seeking chicken-hawk
That likes to talk real tough
Newt Gingrich

Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing
With the most disgraceful assortment of Republican
Sound-bytes imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots

You’re the racist, Newt Gingrich
It’s not Judge Sotomayor
You play the race card as a white guy
That’s so laughable I’m sure
Newt Gingrich

You’re a stinking pile of vomit
Sitting in the sun
With feces on top

G.O.P. Believes Palin Must Be Destroyed

Sarah Palin's wedding photo.

What with the media’s breathless coverage of her every tweet, Fox News’ willingness to utilize her as a guest host on nearly all of its fictionalized prime time programs and her conservative following’s near pious devotion, one would think that Sarah Palin would be the darling of the leaderless Republican Party. Such is not the case. In fact, the G.O.P. is beginning to realize that the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska may be the catalyst for the marginalization of “The Party of Lincoln”. In short, Sarah Palin may cause the demise of the Republicans.

Just two short years ago almost nobody had ever heard of Sarah Palin. The G.O.P. was led by such familiar names as Mitt Romney, Rudy Giuliani, a resurgent Newt Gingrich and the actor Fred Thompson. Then the unexpected happened. Somehow the centrist John McCain won the Republican Presidential nomination. McCain however, was trailing Democrat Barack Obama by such a wide margin that he was forced to do something drastic in order to draw some attention to his campaign. Much like the literary Dr. Frankenstein, McCain was compelled to create some life from scratch. He stitched together some uber-right-wing conservatism, some female DNA, some down-home colloquialisms, a beehive hairdo and some rimless glasses. His handmade creation was Sarah Palin.

Much like Dr. Frankentein’s monster however, the McCain creation also suffered from some fatal flaws. They both had a damaged brain. Each became stronger and more identifiable than its creator. Both wreaked havoc on society and in the end, the Frankenstein monster and Sarah Palin each turned against their respective creators.

The Palin thing was alive, ALIVE! This 21st century mindless monster quit her job and stumbled out of the wilds of Alaska on her way to the Lower 48. Unable to master the written word, the pathetic creature hired a ghostwriter to pen her fictitious memoir. Unable to master the spoken word, Palin turned to Twitter and Facebook as her means of communication. Unable to appear human on television, she was forced to appear repeatedly on Fox News. The thing that became known as PALIN  sowed fear into the hearts of all uneducated conservatives with her horrific tales of “death panels”, the godless land of Russia that she could see by means of her super-human vision and of her arch enemy, the would-be monster slayer, Joe McGinniss.

Unlike the Frankenstein monster however, the Palin thing began to amass a large and adoring following. Sure, these devotees were comprised of racist, white, uneducated homophobes from the lowest rung of the food chain, but beggars can’t be choosers. The Palin thing’s fan base became known as the Tea Party (presumably because it is believed that something was slipped into their tea). These Tea-Baggers are a mindless lot that confusingly wants no government control over their government controlled Medicare and Social Security benefits. They hate the Obama administration because of his fictitious tax increases despite the fact that over 95% of them have actually benefited from the President’s middle class tax cuts. These Tea-Baggers have crowned the Palin thing as their de facto queen.

The Palin thing’s Tea Party royalty status is the biggest problem for the creature’s former party.  Before John McCain’s monster was created, the whacko Tea-Baggers were all firmly entrenched members of the Republican Party. They voted in lockstep for every Republican they could find thereby ensuring at least some electoral success for the party. The creation of the Palin thing has changed all of that. The Tea-Baggers are now actively seeking candidates from within their own super-radical ranks. These Tea Party candidates are so out of the mainstream that they oppose meaningful portions of the Civil Rights Act (Rand Paul). They hope to privatize Social Security, criminalize the consumption of alcohol, deregulate the oil industry (despite the Gulf oil spill), abolish the Dept. of Education and even remove fluoride from the nation’s water supply (Sharron Angle). This is crazy stuff that will draw votes away from Republicans in favor of unelectable radicals and the Palin thing adds to the chaos by endorsing these candidates.

Remember, it was only last November when we witnessed the damage inflicted on the Republican Party by the Palin monster. As you will recall, New York’s 23rd Congressional District seat had been held by the Republicans since the Civil War. In the most recent election the G.O.P. nominee was the popular and relatively centrist Dede Scozzafava. The Democratic Party candidate was the virtually unknown Bill Owens. The Palin thing and her minions in the Tea Party however, felt that Scozzafava was too liberal so they endorsed the conservative radical nut-job Doug Hoffman. Result? Scozzafava (R) dropped out of the race and Owens (D) easily defeated Hoffman (TB’er) and the Democrats captured a seat that they had not held for over a century. Damage done.

The Republican Party now justifiably fears that the Palin thing and her Tea-Bagger followers may cost the G.O.P. victories (and ensure Democratic victories) in any number of races in which the Tea Party fields a candidate. Consequently, it may be just the right time for the Republican faithful to pick up their pitchforks and burning torches and head to Castle Palin while shouting the mantra, “Palin Must Be Destroyed”.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Theme song to the 1960′s television sit-com, The Addams Family: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVRX_5tGOlo

THE PALIN FAMILY

(sung to the theme of “The Addams Family”)

Their creepy and their brain-dead
Ingested way too much lead
Kids born before they were wed,
The Palin Family

Her dialect is grating
Her beehive irritating
Daughters always mating
The Palin Family

(Wink)
(Blink)
(Missing Link)

So put your muckluks on now
And join their nightly pow-wow
It’s certainly not highbrow
The Palin Family.

Sarah Palin, The Alleged Philanderer Endorses Nikki Haley, The Alleged Philanderer

My goodness, things just keep getting crazier and crazier regarding Alaska’s former ex-quitting Governor. In the last month alone, Sarah Palin has split with her own Republican Party by means of endorsing two G.O.P. disfavored Tea-Bagger candidates, one of whom has been exposed as a raving racist. She embarressed herself on Fox News’ Hannity program by showing that she had no idea who the candidates were in last week’s Pennsylvania elections. Ms. “Drill Baby, Drill” then made a fool of herself by alleging that it is the Democrats and not the Republicans that are in bed with Big Oil. And now she has endorsed a candidate that has allegedly been involved (like herself) in an adulterous affair. Sarah Palin is now officially as mainstream as a three dollar bill.

The educationally challenged Palin has endorsed Republican Nikki Haley in the South Carolina gubernatorial race. Problem is, Haley has been accused by a certain Will Folks of having had “an inappropriate physical relationship” with him. This is particularly humorous when one remembers that South Carolina’s present disgraced Governor, Republican Mark Sanford also had an illicit extra-marital affair. It also begs the question as to whether any Republican, either male or female, can keep their pants on long enough to serve a full term in office.

Of the endorsement, Palin posted this on her Facebook page:

When Nikki and I held her endorsement rally on the steps of the beautiful and historic South Carolina state house last month, I warned her and her family that she would be targeted because she’s a threat to a corrupt political machine, and she would be put through some hell. [D]on’t let some blogger make any accusation against your Nikki if the guy doesn’t even have the guts or the integrity to speak further on such a significant claim.

Hot on the heel of this week’s other revelation that Indiana Congressman Mark Souder has had to resign his seat as the result of an adulterous affair, let’s have a look at all those other philandering Republicans of late. Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford, Paul Stanley, Mike Duvall, Mark Souder… and now Nikki Haley.

Is it just me or does anyone else feel the need to take a shower after shaking the hand of a Republican?

Please be sure to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with the song parody.

Brandy (You’re A Fine Girl) song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-tRXewCAmU

SARAH (YOU’RE A FINE GIRL)

(sung to the Looking Glass song “Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl)”)

(doo da in doo da da), (doo da in doo da da)

There’s a town not far from Bristol Bay
With strip malls, both near and far away
Lonely oil guys go the Wasilla way
And live in motor homes

And there’s a girl in this forlorn town
One time, she wore a pageant crown
They say “Sarah, please put that gun down”
She knows she’s just a punch-line

The oil guys say “Sarah, you’re a fine girl” (you’re a fine girl)
“What a good Prez you would be” (such a fine girl)
“Not here, but maybe somewhere overseas”
(doo da in doo da da), (doo da in doo da da)

Sarah, sports a beehive mane
And some rimless glasses but she has no brain
A locket that bears the name
Of the man that Sarah loves

He came on a winter’s day
On board his gas-powered sleigh
What he saw in her, Todd couldn’t say
Cuz he was drunk since he left home

The First Dude said “Sarah, you’re a fine girl” (you’re a fine girl)
“What a good wife you would be” (such a fine girl)
But it’s booze, snow-machining and pornos for me
(doo da in doo da da), (doo da in doo da da)

But Sarah looked into his eyes
And she took an inventory
She could feel something on him rise
Then she saw his morning glory
She said “To hell with abstinence!”, Lord, she jumped on that sad-sack
And before she could say “Stop!”, she had Track.
(doo da in doo da da), (doo da in doo da da)

Todd, had a loaded pistol
Sarah gave birth to a daughter,  Bristol
She too had an ac-ci-den-tal
And now you hear her say…

You hear her say “Mama, you’re a fine girl” (you’re a fine girl)
“Two peas in a pod aren’t we” (such a fine girl)
“But Ya Betcha we have a screwed-up family”
(doo da in doo da da), (doo da in doo da da)

“Sarah, you’re a fine girl” (you’re a fine girl)
[FADE]

“What a good Prez you would be” (such a fine girl)
“No not here, but maybe somewhere overseas”

Monday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 38

Just a few noteworthy news satellites that have been careening around the blogosphere this week…

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Did Somebody Actually Vote For This Guy?” features Tea-Bagger favorite Rand Paul who won the Kentucky Republican Senate primary election last Tuesday. After his victory, not only did we learn that he is a racist that would like it to be legal for private businesses to discriminate, but then he defended BP and called President Obama “un-American” for his tough stance against the oil spill culprit. Let’s get this straight, it is un-American to hold a British foreign corporation liable for causing potentially the most devastating environmental disaster in US history and then trying to shift the blame elsewhere? Heck, then it must have been really, really, really un-American for the founding fathers to declare war on those same British merely for taxing our tea bags!

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Don’t let The Facts Get In The Way of A Good Story” features the “Turd Blossom” himself. Karl Rove, former President George Bush’s top adviser, while hawking his new book this week, declared that Bush “never allowed” staffers to call their opposition “disparaging labels,” or “question their motives“. His words…

President Bush, for example, never allowed a White House staffer or administration spokesman to go out and do what this administration and our predecessor routinely did — that is to engage in calling the leaders of the opposition party disparaging labels and question their motives.

Oh really Karl? How about in your 2007 speech when you directly challenged the “motives” of your political opponents when you implied that Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL) intentionally used rhetoric that would endanger American soldiers? You said,

Let me just put this in fairly simple terms: Al Jazeera now broadcasts the words of Senator Durbin to the mideast, certainly putting our troops in greater danger. No more needs to be said about the motives of liberals.

Or how about when you questioned the patriotism of candidate Barack Obama for not wearing a flag pin when neither were you? Rove, you are a putz!

BREAKING NEWS: The good news of the week is that the Gulf Oil spill may be only 19 times greater than what BP originally told us.

THIS JUST IN: When moonbat crazy Republican Senator Michele Bachmann of Minnesota says, “No New Taxes” she means it. It was revealed this week that Bachmann “The Birther” has neglected to pay the property taxes owed on her million dollar home.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Your MySpace Page Said What?” features former Rand Paul campaign spokesperson Chris Hightower who’s MySpace page in 2008 said “Happy Nig_ _ r Day!!!” and featured a photo of a hanging man. Don’t believe me?

‘Nuff said about Rand Paul and friends.

THIS JUST IN: This week’s edition of “Meet The Press” features Tea-Party darling and Republican nominee for Kentucky’s US Senate seat, Rand Paul. Oops, wait a second…what’s that? Rand Paul has just canceled his scheduled appearance on Meet The Press this morning? Why would he do that? Isn’t this the honeymoon period after his election victory on Tuesday?

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of “Oops, I Did It Again” features Indiana’s conservative Congressman Mark Souder who resigned this week after it was revealed that he has been carrying on an extramarital affair with a staff member. We thought that type of behavior was mandatory to be a member of the Republican Party. Let’s look at our ever growing list of philandering Republicans:

Ronald Reagan, Newt Gingrich, John McCain, David Vitter, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, Rudolph Giuliani, Ted Haggard, Bob Allen, Glenn Murphy, Jr., John Ensign, Sarah Palin (maybe), Mark Sanford, Paul Stanley, Mike Duvall and now…Mark Souder.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

The Addams Family television theme  song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVRX_5tGOlo&feature=related

THE HORNY G.O.P.

(sung to the television theme song “The Addams Family”)

They’re creepy and they’re horny
Their dialect is corny
Morality is phony
The shady G.O.P.

If you’re in a museum
It’s real easy to see ‘em
With pants down to their knees’m
The dodgy G.O.P.

(Cheat)
(Beat)
(Their meat)

They always get their ball on
And that’s the sword they fall on
Another gal to crawl on
The horny G.O.P.


When Is Rudy “9/11” Giuliani Lying? When His Mouth Is Open!!!

“Mr. 9/11” has crawled out from under his rock and found his way back to prime-time television. The last time we saw or heard from Rudy Giuliani was when he gave a speech while dropping out of the 2008 Presidential race. He went into the Republican Party primaries as the heavy favorite to win the G.O.P. nomination, but something funny happened on the way to Minneapolis. He was deemed “stupid” by the nation’s Republican voters. Alas, Rudy Giuliani’s Presidential dreams were extinguished like a smoldering bag of dog poop on your front stoop.

But, as the saying goes, “you can throw away the poop but not the stink”. Actually, we are not sure if that is truly a saying, but if it isn’t, it should be. In any event, Rudy “9/11” Giuliani was a guest on Larry King Live on January 6, 2010. The topic of his conversation? What else, the Underwear Bomber and why the Obama administration wants to set him free. Giuliani repeated so many other right-wing pundits (comedians?) by declaring that Barack Obama waited far too long to react to the botched bombing and that as a result, we will “convince our enemies we are not ready.” He went on to say, “All this is ten days too late. This is something you react to immediately. Not after your vacation. The president of the United States, when there is a potential massive attack on the country, should have been on top of it immediately.”

Of course it goes without saying that Giuliani had his facts wrong. CNN reports that President Obama first addressed the issue from his vacation spot in Hawaii three days after the attempted attack, calling for a complete review of the incident and the country’s airline security policies. He then gave a public assessment of those reviews in a statement Tuesday, saying they had uncovered that “U.S. intelligence had uncovered numerous “red flags” prior to the attack.”

Next, Giuliani criticized the administrations decision to try the bomber as a criminal in the Federal District Court system. He said, “The minute you [don’t designate him an enemy combatant], you cut off the ability to question him. “I don’t know the inside story. He was talking until he went out and got him a lawyer. You want to talk to this guy for a month. You want to keep him for a month or two get to get you a the intelligence he is going give you.”

Hmmm, where shall we begin to point out Giuliani’s hypocracy and the use of a double standard? Should we remind him that the nation watched in shocked amazement when George W. Bush was informed on television that our nation was under attack on September 11, 2001 and he nonetheless continued to sit in a classroom full of elementary school students for a full 20 minutes rather than to leave so as to become fully apprised of the situation? Inasmuch as the brunt of those attacks took place in Giuliani’s own city, where was his outrage then? Perhaps someone should remind Giuliani that when Richard Reid, the Al Qaeda linked “Shoe Bomber”, attempted to blow up a plane shortly after the 9/11 attacks, President Bush did not directly address the foiled plot for six days. Where were Bush and Dick Cheney at the time? Why, on vacation of course. So let’s see, Obama issued his first public statement 3 days after the event and Bush responded 6 days after the event. Did Giuliani find fault with Bush at the time? Nope.

Giuliani should also be reminded that the Bush administration prosecuted  Richard Reid, criminally in the First District Federal Court in Boston, Massachusetts where he provided information, was convicted and he is now serving a life term in a maximum-security prison. It seems that the federal court system worked just fine in the case of the “Shoe Bomber”. Why wasn’t Giuliani railing with dissatisfaction then? The answer; because like Dick Cheney, Newt Gingrich and so many other Republican politicians, he is a short sighted hypocrite of the first order.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

That’s Amore song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69O4PXzAQ5Y

GIULIANI

(sung to the Dean Martin song “That’s Amoré”)

In New York Town on the air-waves
Rudy does have a lot to say

He just sits there and lies but to him we are wise
Giuliani!!!
He appears in prime-time and repeats his tired lines
Giuliani!!!
He was king ding-a-ling-a-ling, ding-a-ling-a-ling
And a wife cheating fella
He can’t see his stupidity, his stupidity
He’s blind like Helen Keller

As he speaks watch the drool, that Rudy is a fool
Giuliani!!!
All his friends on Wall Street think that he can’t be beat
Lord above
He is a cliché machine all of the time he is
Scheming, signore
Scuzza me, but you see, he’s from the G.O.P.
Giuliani!!!

(He just sits there and lies but to him we are wise
Giuliani) Giuliani!!!
(He appears in prime time and repeats his tired lines
Giuliani) Giuliani!!!
(He was king ding-a-ling-a-ling, ding-a-ling-a-ling
And a wife cheating fella) Go to Hell, cheating fella
He can’t see his stupidity, his stupidity
He’s blind like Helen Keller) Sorry fella

Rudy’s angry and cruel and stubborn like a mule
GiulianI!!! (Giuliani)
He is doomed to repeat Presidential defeat
Sure enough
He tells us of his dreams but his words have no
Meaning, signore
Scuzza me, Rudy G., but we hardly knew ye
Cuz you’re boring (so boring)
See, we’re snoring

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea)-Christmas Edition-1

The Twelve Days of Christmas Song Parodies continues…

These are a few noteworthy news stories that have been orbiting the stratosphere this week.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s edition of, “It Makes Your Head Spin Like Linda Blair’s” features Sarah Palin. It was just announced that the former ex-quitting governor of Alaska will appear as a paid guest speaker at a fund raiser for a pair of Canadian “Socialized Medicine” hospitals. Huh? The Anchorage Daily News reports, “Sarah Palin has been booked for an April speaking engagement at a fundraiser for two Hamilton, Ontario, hospitals that, Think Progress reminds us, are part of Canada’s abortion-providing, single-payer health care system and offer the type of end-of-life counseling that Palin has attributed to death panels.”

THIS JUST IN: In other Sarah Palin related news we have a new tidbit from her once and future son-in-law Levi Johnston. Johnston’s manager, Tank Johnson called into a talk radio show on December 11th and said that his client plans to reveal startling incriminating information about Sarah Palin that will shock the nation. The details will be included in a book that Johnston plans to release in March 2010. Hey Sarah, beware the Ides of March. Will there be a matching book-hawking cross-country bus/jet tour also? Enquiring minds want to know.

BREAKING NEWS: In this week’s edition of “The Continuing Story of Tea-Bagger Lunacy” we have the group’s December 15th demonstration plans. Rather than describe it to you, here is a portion of the official release:

So here’s the plan. On Tuesday, December 15 at 8:45 AM thousands of us will meet in Washington, DC at the fountain in Upper Senate Park. From there we will march to the Senate offices, go inside, and demonstrate our opposition to the government takeover of health care. We call this plan “Government Waiting Rooms”. The intention is to go inside the Senate offices and hallways, and play out the role of patients waiting for treatment in government controlled medical facilities. As the day goes on some of us will pretend to die from our untreated illnesses and collapse on the floor. Many of us plan to stay there until they force us to leave. A backup location for this demonstration will be announced if they block us from entering the offices.

Government controlled medical facilities? Dying while waiting for treatment? Do these sophomoric morons realize that the more they exaggerate their false claims about health care reform, they more the rest of the nation ignores them?

THIS JUST IN: Jon Stewart of Comedy Central’s The Daily Show exposed a Glenn Beck conflict of interest this week. Stewart pointed out that Beck constantly advises his television and radio audience to buy gold as a safeguard against the collapse of the U.S. Dollar which will result from the Obama Administration’s policies. Indeed, Beck has said the following:

When the system eventually collapses, and the government comes with guns and confiscates, you know, everything in your home and all your possessions, and then you fight off the raving mad cannibalistic crowds that Ted Turner talked about, don’t come crying to me. I told you: get gold.

The sheer lunacy of that statement aside, Stewart revealed however, that Beck failed to disclose to his audience that he is a paid spokesman for Goldline International, a precious metals vendor. Why is it that Comedy Central does a better job of investigative journalism than the major networks? ABC, NBC, CBS and NPR should be ashamed of themselves.

BREAKING NEWS: Kudos to the television drama series Law and Order; Special Victims Unit for their honest no holds barred description of conservative right-wing pundits. in a recent episode, a character on the show said this:

Garrison, Limbaugh, Beck, O’Reilly, all of them. They are like a cancer spreading ignorance and hate. They have convinced folks that immigrants are the problem, not corporations that failed to pay a living wage, or a broken health care system.

THIS JUST IN: The Moonie-owned Washington Times has announced that it is cutting its work force by 40% and beginning free distribution of its product. The right-wing propaganda paper is so bereft of reliable news coverage that its circulation will most likely fall even further now that the paper is free. This is so because when its  few remaining paid subscribers realize that they no longer need to feel obligated to read the rag, they probably will forget that it ever existed.

BREAKING NEWS: In this week’s episode of “What The Heck Took So Long?” Jenny Sanford, the wife of South Carolina’s adulterous governor Mark Sanford, has announced that she is filing for divorce. She has been unable to successfully locate and serve divorce papers upon her husband however, because his staff believes that he is hiking somewhere on the Appalachian trail.

THIS JUST IN: In this week’s episode of “How Appropriate” we have Sarah Palin accepting an invitation to be keynote speaker at the Bowling Proprietors Association of America convention in Las Vegas next summer. Hmm, where to begin? Maybe she will bring a few spare copies of her book. Perhaps some of her supporters will have the chance to strike up a conversation with the unemployed social networker. Will Sarah be capable of keeping her language out of the gutter? Stay tuned.

BREAKING NEWS: Joke of the day. Why did Sarah Palin have a book signing in Sandpoint? Idaho, Alaska !!!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

My Favorite Things song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0KHb_xCHTI&feature=related

MY LEAST FAVORITE THINGS

(sung to the Julie Andrews song “My Favorite Things”)

Mike is called “Moses” and Romney’s called “Mittens”
Jindal is running but can’t raise a pittance
All of those candidates want to be kings
They are some of my least favorite things

Most of them phonies with brains made of noodles
Palin’s hairstyle reminds me of a poodle’s
The G.O.P. is filled with ding-a-lings
They are some of my least favorite things

Palin will bless us with winks of her lashes
Gingrich and Rudy just sit on their asses
Huckabee’s so holy he thinks he has wings
They are some of my least favorite things

“No civil rights”,
Pawlenty sings
He is raving mad
And when Michele Bachmann speaks aloud it stings
Yes that hurts my ears real bad

They are just posers so I say, “Good riddance”
Remind me of the inbred guy in “Deliverance”
All of them have extramarital flings
They are some of my least favorite things

They have no taste just like a bland egg noodle
They should be thrown out with the kit and caboodle
All of them acting like puppets on strings
They are some of my least favorite things

G.O.P. women have life-long hot flashes
The Grand Old Party is reduced to ashes
They cannot tolerate arrows or slings
They are some of my least favorite things

They’re not bright lights
Mental weaklings
Poor behaving cads
I wish they’d all congregate down in Palm Springs
And then I would be so glad.