Category Archives: Newt Gingrich

Newt’s Newest Lie Soon To Be Revealed

Remember when Newt Gingrich promised to stay in the GOP primary election race until the Republican Convention in August? If you do not, perhaps this will refresh your memory.

Well, it now looks like that statement will soon be revealed as just another one of Gingrich’s many lies. It will prove to be just as untruthful as Gingrich’s statement that, “The $300,000 I was paid by Freddie Mac were for my services as, uh, a historian.” and “When I was speaker, we had four consecutive balanced budgets.”  Still, maybe Gingrich’s best statement about lying was when he said, “Any ad which quotes what I said on Sunday is a falsehood.” So anybody who quotes Gingrich’s own words is lying? How’s that for twisted logic?

But let’s get to our latest news. The Huffington Post reports that despite Newt Gingrich’s vow to remain in the GOP race until the Republican Convention in August, it looks like he will soon quit the race. The blog reports that just yesterday in an interview with ABC News, Gingrich said, “I think we need to take a deep look at what we are doing”,  adding that he would then have to “reassess”.

Those certainly sound like “quittin'” words from the candidate who’s campaign is millions of dollars in debt and who has laid off more than one-third of his staff. Oh well, Gingrich’s vow to stay in the race will simply be remembered as just another one of his lies like, “The Obama administration … would impose on every Catholic institution, every Jewish institution, every Protestant institution the Obamacare standard of what you have to buy as insurance.”

Oh Newt, we hardly knew ye!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

You’re A Mean One Mr. Grinch song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzXKWKaxt3c

YOU’RE A HAS-BEEN, NEWT GINGRICH

(sung to the Dr. Seuss song “The Grinch That Stole Christmas”)

You’re a has-been, Newt Gingrich
You’re lacking in appeal
Your were ousted as The Speaker
No one wants to hear you squeal
Newt Gingrich

You’re a unicycle
Without even one wheel

You’ve had three wives, Newt Gingrich
A mistress in the hole
Philandering’s your day job
You’re a slimy ugly troll
Newt Gingich

These woman that like you, must
Be on work release or parole

You’re a vile one, Newt Gingrich
Your words reek with rancid bile
Your criticism of Bill Clinton
As you’re cheating all the while
Newt Gingrich

There couldn’t be a bigger hypocrite
Within a Midwest country mile

You’re a foul one, Newt Gingrich
Your first divorce smelled of skunk
Your wife, Jackie fighting cancer
You told her she was junk
Newt Gingrich

The nicest words to describe you,
Are, as follows, and I quote, Pink. Wank, Punk

You’re a coward, Newt Gingrich
Avoided your army spot
Deferment-seeking chicken-hawk
That likes to talk real tough
Newt Gingrich

Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing
With the most disgraceful assortment of Republican
Sound-bytes imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots

You’re the racist, Newt Gingrich
It’s not Judge Sotomayor
You play the race card as a white guy
That’s so laughable I’m sure
Newt Gingrich

You’re a stinking pile of vomit
Sitting in the sun
With feces on top

Conservatve “National Review” Tells Gingrich To Quit And Romney To Tell The Truth

The very conservative and influential (at least to Tea Baggers) National Review magazine appears to be supporting Rick Santorum in his quest for the Republican Presidential nomination. This support however, does not appear to have been earned by Santorum’s actions or policies, but rather as the result of dissatisfaction with both Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney.

Indeed, on Monday the magazine straight out called for Gingrich to quit the race. The magazine states, “it would be a grave mistake for the party to make someone with such poor judgment and persistent unpopularity its presidential nominee.” The editorial indicates that by the same criticisms that Gingrich levied against Santorum earlier in the campaign, “on his own arguments the proper course for him now is to endorse Santorum and exit.” Ouch! That is sure to leave a vivid and lingering mark.

As for Mitt Romney, the magazine describes the architect of RomneyCare as follows:

“the undramatic figure at the center of the primaries’ drama. Lack of enthusiasm for him has set it all in motion. Romney is trying to win the nomination by pulverizing his rivals. His hope is that enthusiasm will follow when he takes on Obama in the summer and fall. But his attacks on Santorum have been lame, perhaps because they are patently insincere. (Does anyone believe that Romney truly thinks poorly of Santorum’s votes to raise the debt ceiling?)”

The National Review prescribes the following for him:

“Romney is a transactional politician rather than a charismatic one. Maybe he should make the most of it: Tell conservatives what they will get out of a Romney presidency. Entitlements brought under budgetary control. A more market-oriented health-care system. Judges who know their place in the constitutional architecture. Fannie and Freddie extinguished. The defense budget protected. Tax reform, and tax relief for families.”

The magazine seems to be unaware of the obvious however, when it comes to Mitt Romney. The fact is that nobody can trust Romney to do what he says. After all he has flip-flopped regarding his position on abortion; health care reform; gun rights; contraception; climate change; Don’t Ask Don’t Tell; Ronald Reagan and no tax pledges. Romney even flip-flopped on what he said was his favorite book in just a span of a few days (first it was L. Ron Hubbard’s “Battlefield Earth” and then it was “Huckleberry Finn”).

Perhaps conservatives should simply face the facts and believe what Romney said in a moment of veracity while running for Governor of Massachusetts in 2002:

“I think people recognize that I’m not a partisan Republican, that I’m someone who is moderate, and my views are progressive.”

No matter who is named the eventual Republican nominee, there is one person who will be smiling. President Barack Obama.

Since it appears that more and more Republicans are urging Newt Gingrich to go away, our song parody today will focus on the man who is soon to be forgotten history. Please remember to click on the song link below before reading the lyrics because it is so much more fun to sing along while the actual song is playing.

You’re A Mean One Mr. Grinch song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzXKWKaxt3c

YOU’RE A HAS-BEEN, NEWT GINGRICH

(sung to the Dr. Seuss song “The Grinch That Stole Christmas”)

You’re a has-been, Newt Gingrich
You’re lacking in appeal
Your were ousted as The Speaker
No one wants to hear you squeal
Newt Gingrich

You’re a unicycle
Without even one wheel

You’ve had three wives, Newt Gingrich
A mistress in the hole
Philandering’s your day job
You’re a slimy ugly troll
Newt Gingich

These woman that like you, must
Be on work release or parole

You’re a vile one, Newt Gingrich
Your words reek with rancid bile
Your criticism of Bill Clinton
As you’re cheating all the while
Newt Gingrich

There couldn’t be a bigger hypocrite
Within a Midwest country mile

You’re a foul one, Newt Gingrich
Your first divorce smelled of skunk
Your wife, Jackie fighting cancer
You told her she was junk
Newt Gingrich

The nicest words to describe you,
Are, as follows, and I quote, Pink. Wank, Punk

You’re a coward, Newt Gingrich
Avoided your army spot
Deferment-seeking chicken-hawk
That likes to talk real tough
Newt Gingrich

Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing
With the most disgraceful assortment of Republican
Sound-bytes imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots

You’re the racist, Newt Gingrich
It’s not Judge Sotomayor
You play the race card as a white guy
That’s so laughable I’m sure
Newt Gingrich

You’re a stinking pile of vomit
Sitting in the sun
With feces on top

Gingich Gets Caught In Latest Lie About His “Open” Marriage!!!

Republican presidential candidate and serial-adulterer Newt Gingrich got caught in yet another lie this week.

Gingrich considers himself to be an historian and he certainly has a long personal history of lying. He has falsely claimed to have been hired as an historian and paid $1.6 million by Govt.-backed mortgage giant Freddie Mac when in fact, he was paid to further the entity’s legislative agenda (better known as lobbying). He has falsely claimed that there have been no oil spills from offshore drilling near Santa Barbara, CA since 1969 when in fact there 2 such spills in 2008 alone. He has falsely claimed that Republican Governor Mitch Daniels of Indiana should be honored for having the lowest unemployment rate in his region when in fact, Indiana has does not have the lowest unemployment in its region and several states with lower unemployment rates were governed by Democrats.

Gingrich has recently been  falsely claiming that the economy is worse and  jobs have not been created since President Obama has been in office. This may be one of his biggest lies. The truth is that for the last several months prior to Obama’s election, the economy was losing between 600,000 and 800,00 jobs per month. Indeed, U.S. nonfarm employment stood at just more than 137 million jobs in July 2008, before the already-under-way recession turned into a nosedive following that September’s financial crisis. By January, when Obama took office, the figure had fallen to about 133.5 million — a loss of about 3.5 million jobs, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics and an additional 4.3 million jobs were lost before Obama’s stimulus policies took hold in February 2010. From that date onward however, the economy has added (not lost) jobs for 23 out of the last 24 months. Since that job growth resumed, the economy has added about 3 million jobs. Additionally, The gross domestic product, the prime measure of economic strength, shrank by a severe 6.8 percent annual rate before Obama became president. The declines eased after he took office and economic growth, however modest, has resumed. Also, the recession officially ended six months into Obama’s presidency. The facts prove that there is no denying that the economy has improved under Obama.

Gingrich’s latest lie concerns his second wife’s assertion that Newt wanted an “open” marriage with her so that he could continue carrying-on extra-marital sexual affairs with her blessing. Marianne Gingrich claimed in the ABC interview that her husband asked for an open marriage while he was having an extramarital affair with his current wife, Callista Gingrich. Gingrich said his former wife was lying and during the CNN-sponsored Republican debate in Florida he said,

“The story was false. Every personal friend I have who knew us in that period says the story is false. We offered several of them to ABC to prove it was false. They weren’t interested.”

A few days after that debate, during an interview on CNN, host John King pursued Gingrich’s allegation by stating that ABC News has insisted that no such witnesses were produced. Gingrich in turn, doubled down and said that ABC News‘ defense was “just plain baloney”. he went on to say,

“If they’re saying that, then they’re not being honest. We had several people prepared to be very clear and very aggressive in their dispute about that, and (ABC News) wasn’t interested.”

Gingrich’s statement was a lie. Yesterday his campaign conceded that the candidate was wrong, both in his debate answer and in his interview with CNN on Tuesday. R.C. Hammond, the campaign’s press secretary, told CNN the only people the campaign offered to ABC News were the speaker’s two daughters from his first wife who make regular appearances for their father on the campaign trail. Furthermore, the two daughters did not dispute the allegation that Gingrich requested an “open” marriage with his second wife, but only wrote a letter discouraging ABC  News to release the interview with her.

The only question remaining is, does Newt Gingrich have more extra-marital affairs or lies in his background? Enquiring minds want to know.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

I Am Woman song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGMESM8JKOg

I AM GINGRICH

(sung to the Helen Reddy song “I Am Woman”)

I am Gingrich, hear me snore
The G.O.P. showed me the door
In ’98, I was thrown out on my rear end
‘cause I called for a class war
When Clinton dallied with that whore
So what if I also had a lady friend

Oh yes I’m despised
And I caused a lot of pain
I’ve been married thrice
And I will wed again
Remember, “Contract With America”
I was wrong (wrong)
Now I’m invisible (invisible)
I am Gingrich

Now I’ve shown you that I’m tasteless
By calling Sonia a racist
When I’m the guy that bloviates on ghettos
My lies will grow much stronger
And my nose will grow much longer
When I start to call Sotomayor a “Hoe”

Oh yes I’m despised
And I caused a lot of pain
I’ve been married thrice
And I will wed again
Remember, “Contract With America”
I was wrong (wrong)
Now I’m invisible (invisible)
I am Gingrich

I am Gingrich don’t you know
Democrats know that I blow
Fox News spreads my fat visage across the land
And I’ll use those embryos
And those nameless “baby does”
If it helps me to advance my final stand

Oh yes I’m despised
And I caused a lot of pain
I’ve been married thrice
And I will wed again
Remember, “Contract With America”
I am wrong (wrong)
And I’m invisible (invisible)
I am Gingrich
Oh, I am Gingrich
I am invisible
I am wrong

(Fading)
I am Gingrich
I am invisible
I am wrong
I am Gingrich

Sarah Palin Is Gingrich’s Newest Mistress!

The Christmas season may be over but progressive bloggers just received another present. Lo and behold, Sarah Palin has reemerged (no word on whether or not she saw her shadow).

Just prior to the Republican South Carolina primary election (and dutifully following in the footsteps of husband Todd “First Dude” Palin), Sarah Palin has endorsed Newt “3 Wives” Gingrich. She did so while appearing on Sean Hannity’s Fox News show (where else?). When Hannity asked Palin if she would endorse Gingrich she said, “If I had to vote in South Carolina, in order to keep this thing going, I’d vote for Newt.”

The next day after receiving Palin’s endorsement, the serial-philandering Newt Gingrich made an announcement and promise of his very own. While appearing on CNN‘s Wolf Blitzer show (what? Not Fox?), Gingrich was asked whether he would consider naming Sarah Palin his Vice Presidential running mate in light of her endorsement. Gingrich replied as follows: “I would ask her to consider taking a major role in the next administration if I’m president…”.

A “major role” in a Presidential administration generally means a cabinet appointment. Can you imagine the likes of Sarah Palin having a cabinet position? Yikes! What particular position might that be?

Secretary of State:  Nope. Palin believes that North Korea is our ally;

Secretary of Defense:  Nope. Palin has a “trigger finger” as demonstrated on her reality television show;

Secretary of Labor:  Not a chance. There are too many questions surrounding her own labor while carrying her fifth child.

Secretary of Transportation:  Nope. An in-depth knowledge of the working of snow-machines is not a qualification;

Secretary of Agriculture:  Nope. Not much agriculture in the snowy wilds of Alaska;

Secretary of Education:  Nope. Palin is shockingly unqualified for this position inasmuch as it took her 6 years and 5 different colleges to earn a mere bachelor’s degree. Also, have you ever heard her try to speak? Her unfamiliarity with American history was on display when she said that Paul Revere was warning the British by means of firing musket shots and ringing bells on his famous “Midnight Ride”;

Secretary of Energy: “Drill Baby, Drill” – No Chance;

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development:  Nope. Palin has never been in an urban area for any period of time and have you noticed the lack of building codes in Alaska? If not, go to the beautiful City of Wasilla sometime;

Secretary of Health and Human Services:  Nope. I refer you to the aforementioned wild plane rides while in labor with her 5th child;

Secretary of Veterans Affairs:  Nope. She has a publicly stated hatred for entitlements of all kinds;

Secretary of Commerce:  Nope. she played too loose and fast with her own PAC’s funds and she charged the taxpayers of Alaska for all those plane trips and hotels enjoyed by her children. Don’t forget all those expensive RNC-purchased clothes that she never returned;

Secretary of Homeland Security:  Nope. Palin mistakenly thinks that when “Putin raises his head and enters U.S. airspace”, he does so over Alaska;

Secretary of Treasury:  Nope. See Secretary of Commerce;

Attorney General: Nope. She is not qualified to be an attorney; and

UN Ambassador:  God help us!

Perhaps Newt Gingrich should simply consider appointing Sarah Palin to the only secretary position she is qualified for. She spends so much time on Facebook and Twitter, that she would be an excellent data entry clerk in the general secretarial pool.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Copacabana song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMHp9a5FwrI

COPACAVILLA

(sung to the Barry Manilow song “Copacabana”)

Her name was Sarah, She was a schoolgirl
With lots of style gel in her hair and a dress cut down to there
She used to play flute, and she was Todd’s type
And yes she was a sportscaster, a job that she could not master
Although she was a pup, with Todd she got knocked-up
They were young and they had each other
Just a mere hiccup

At the Copa, Copacavilla
The hottest spot north of Wasilla
At the Copa, Copacavilla
Those rimless glasses made them look like asses
At the Copa…they fell in love

(Copa Copacavilla)

His name was Toddie, she liked his body
They got married one fine day, He insisted he’s not gay
They said a prayer, then she was mayor
But to add some attitude, she changed his name to the “First Dude”
Sarah then hired some crooks, and then she banned some books
There was trouble with city contracts
So they cooked the books

At the Copa, Copacavilla
The hottest spot north of Wasilla
At the Copa, Copacavilla
Handouts and kickbacks and lots of “Joe Sixpacks”
At the Copa…next it was Guv

(Copa..Copacavilla)
(Copa Copacavilla) (Copacavilla, ahh ahh ahh ahh)
(Ahh ahh ahh ahh Copa Copacavilla)
(Wasilla,  rhymes with vanilla)
(Dumbness and fashion… were always her passion)

Her name is Sarah, she is the Guv’nor
She even tried to be V.P.,  cuz she was so damn “Mavericky”
That was a pipedream for our gal, Sarah
The job was above her pay-grade. More substance in lemonade
Her inlaw getting high. Now she just hates Levi
She lost the race and she lost her mojo
Now she’s lost her mind!

At the Copa (CO), Copacavilla (Copacavilla)
The hottest spot north of Wasilla (Here)
At the Copa (CO), Copacavilla
No education. Unwed procreation
At the Copa…That’s our dear Guv

(Copa) That’s our dear Guv
Copacavilla
Copacavilla
(Fade to end)

Republicans Eating Their Own: Gingrich v. Romney

Is there anything more pleasing than to watch the wacky Republican Presidential candidates publicly expose each others’ fatal flaws and thereby provide President Obama with a GOP-approved line of attack in the 2012 general election? This week’s episode of “Republicans Eating Their Own” features Newt Gingrich v. Mitt Romney.

During the weeks leading up to the New Hampshire primary, Newt  “3 Wives” Gingrich was under constant attack from both Mitt “Flip-Flop” Romney and Ron “Racist” Paul. Romney did most of the heavy lifting (and spending) by airing countless hours of anti-Gingrich negative advertising. Gingrich appeared defenseless at the time. In a calculated move, he chose not to unload on Romney until the South Carolina (winner take all) primary in which he had a better chance of beating Romney.

Gingrich’s counter-attack has now come. A Gingrich-friendly Super Pac known as Winning Our Future has released a 27 minute long documentary/ad that chronicles the predatory tactics of the venture capital firm known as Bain Capital which Romney once ran. The film/ad titled, “When Mitt Romney Came To Town” reveals how Bain Capital routinely bought American businesses, fired employees, moved jobs overseas, raided employees’ pension funds and then bankrupted those companies all while Bain’s owners (including Mitt Romney) personally pocketed millions of dollars. Romney’s tactics are referred to as “vulture capitalism”. The Gingrich campaign of course, hopes that voters will realize that Romney’s business acumen lies only in the areas of destroying businesses and denying employees their pension funds while shipping jobs overseas. That certainly is not the type of “job creation” that most Americans are looking for.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

“The Brady Bunch” theme song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ou-FeOoKDq4

THE ROMNEY BUNCH

 (sung to the theme song of “The Brady Bunch”)

Here’s the story of a man named Romney
He was governor of Mass. but made us hurl
Now his story has been told, like no other
Jobs lost in a swirl

Here’s the story of a man who’s shady
He cannot hold one position of his own
Changes his mind just like the weather
Still, he seeks the throne

His convictions are as strong and firm as Jello
What he knew wasn’t much more than a hunch
Just like Newt, he is not very manly
Mitt Romney and his campaign are out to lunch
The Romney Bunch
The Romney Bunch
Yeas they are all so lame, the Romney Bunch

Republicans Question Gingrich’s Qualification To Be President

All in all, Republican presidential candidate Newt “Philanderer” Gingrich did not have a very good day. The most recent GOP frontrunner and flavor of the week, resembled a punching-bag yesterday as just about everybody took a well-deserved jab at him.

First, his chief rival Mitt “Flip-Flop” Romney gave Newt a body blow. This was probably in response to Gingrich’s Iowa political director’s contention that Romney’s religion (Mormon) is a “cult”. That was sort of a strange comment coming from a person who supports a candidate who has belonged to at least three different religious affiliations. In any event, Romney, during an interview with the New York Times, in reference to Gingrich, said, “Zany is not what we need in a president. It may work on talk radio… But in terms of a president, we need a leader.” A Romney political action committee then delivered a crushing uppercut by releasing a campaign ad that portrays a Gingrich candidacy as a dream-come-true for Democrats. It states, “Barack Obama’s plan is working. Destroy Mitt Romney. Run against Newt Gingrich.” Adding to the onslaught, the Romney campaign then released a new web ad that features Gingrich and House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi in their now infamous plea to combat man-made climate change.

Mitt(wit) Romney was not the only person to attack Newt Gingrich however. The Occupy Wall Street movement delivered a few blows of its own at during a speech Gingrich was delivering at the University of Iowa. The speech was interrupted when Occupy Iowa City protesters started shouting. The heckling halted Gingrich’s speech for several minutes. Then during the answer and question portion at the end of the speech, one protester  went after Gingrich by saying, “Seems like you have a Ph.D. in cheating on your wife.”, in reference of course, to Gingrich’s history of extra-marital affairs.

The tag-team of Gingrich assailants then reverted back to members of his own Republican Party. First, while speaking at a Washington forum, Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner (pronounced “boner”) said, “I’m not sure he’s as conservative as some people think he is.” Boehner then ducked answering a question about whether Gingrich would make a good president.

Boehner’s non-vote of confidence followed upon former Republican Senator Alan Simpson’s statement to Bloomberg News that Gingrich “is for himself before he is for anybody.” Simpson recounted how Gingrich, then House minority whip, broke ranks at the last minute with his party’s leadership to oppose the 1990 budget agreement between Republican President George H.W. Bush and a Democratic-controlled Congress. “It was the most hurtful and duplicitous thing I have ever seen,” Simpson said.

Even the moonbat-crazy wing of the Republican Party is now backing away from Newt Gingrich. During a televised interview with CNN’s “American Morning”, former witchcraft dabbler, serial non-masturbator and election losing Christine O’Donnell crawled out of the shadows and zinged him. She said, “People are trying to paint Newt Gingrich as the anti-establishment candidate, which I think is funny. So many tea partiers are flocking behind Newt Gingrich, I decided to come out and say…the tea party I don’t think should be behind Newt at all.” Not for nothing, but any day that Newt Gingrich has his name mentioned in the same sentence as Christine O’Donnell, is not a good day for Newt Gingrich.

To make matters even worse, the conservative magazine The National Review printed an editorial which was a punch in the nose to Gingrich. The editors warned against nominating Gingrich by saying, “The White House seems winnable next year, and with it a majority in both houses of Congress. We fear that to nominate former Speaker Newt Gingrich, the front-runner in the polls, would be to blow this opportunity.” Ouch! That is going to leave a quite visible mark!

Gingrich is taking a serious verbal beating from his own party members and the blows are beginning to take their toll. The most recent NBC/Wall Street Journal national poll illustrates this. The poll reveals that half of all Republican voters surveyed said they won’t vote for Gingrich in the general election, and he trailed President Barack Obama by 11 points in a hypothetical contest.

Perhaps retiring U.S Rep. Barney Frank of Massachusetts sized-up Gingrich best and delivered the knock-out blow. First he said that Gingrich winning the GOP nomination “would be the best thing to happen to the Democrats since Barry Goldwater.” Frank then appeared on ABC’s “This Week” and compared Gingrich to the Wizard of Oz. He said,

“Obviously Mitt Romney is the tin woodsman, without a heart. And Rick Perry is clearly the scarecrow… Newt is the Wizard of Oz. Newt is the one who… I just think there’s nothing there, he’s ginned up this whole big thing, but when people focus on him as opposed to him being the Not Romney, this is a man who served as Speaker, twice reprimanded by the House… I just think he is an obvious weak candidate.”

And so it goes. The Republicans have once again hoisted an unqualified candidate for president to the top of their ranks only to suffer from immediate buyers’ remorse resulting in the search for the next “One”. Sarah Palin – Gone. Donald Trump – Gone. Chris Christie – Gone. Rick Perry – Gone. Herman Cain – Gone, and now Newt Gingrich – Gone. When will the Grand Old Party finally realize that they are fated to nominate their poor red-headed step-child…Mitt(wit) Romney?

Please remember to click on the song link below before reading the lyrics because it is so much more fun to sing along while the actual song is playing.

You’re A Mean One Mr. Grinch song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzXKWKaxt3c

YOU’RE A HASBEEN, NEWT GINGRICH

(sung to the Dr. Seuss song “The Grinch That Stole Christmas”)

You’re a has-been, Newt Gingrich
You’re lacking in appeal
Your were ousted as The Speaker
No one wants to hear you squeal
Newt Gingrich

You’re a unicycle
Without even one wheel

You’ve had three wives, Newt Gingrich
A mistress in the hole
Philandering’s your day job
You’re a slimy ugly troll
Newt Gingich

These woman that like you, must
Be on work release or parole

You’re a vile one, Newt Gingrich
Your words reek with rancid bile
Your criticism of Bill Clinton
As you’re cheating all the while
Newt Gingrich

There couldn’t be a bigger hypocrite
Within a Midwest country mile

You’re a foul one, Newt Gingrich
Your first divorce smelled of skunk
Your wife, Jackie fighting cancer
You told her she was junk
Newt Gingrich

The nicest words to describe you,
Are, as follows, and I quote, Pink. Wank, Punk

You’re a coward, Newt Gingrich
Avoided your army spot
Deferment-seeking chicken-hawk
That likes to talk real tough
Newt Gingrich

Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing
With the most disgraceful assortment of Republican
Sound-bytes imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots

You’re the racist, Newt Gingrich
It’s not Judge Sotomayor
You play the race card as a white guy
That’s so laughable I’m sure
Newt Gingrich

You’re a stinking pile of vomit
Sitting in the sun
With feces on top

GOP Flavor Of The Month Gingrich Leaves Bitter Aftertaste

The Republican Presidential candidate flavor of the week has just taken on a decidedly bitter aftertaste. First it was Sarah Palin that conservatives wanted as their Presidential nominee, then it was Michele Bachmann who titillated the Tea Party. When Palin elected not to run and it became evident that Bachmann was unelectable because she is moonbat-crazy, the Republican base turned to Chris Christie and Rick Perry as their taste du-jour. Like Palin however, Christie decided not to run and Perry lost favor the moment he opened his mouth at debates. Next up was Herman Cain. Unfortunately, he also left a bad taste in the mouths of conservatives when his series of unfortunate events (raising taxes on the working class, multiple sexual harassment claim and ignorance of foreign policy) unfolded. Consequently, Republicans have now turned their lonely eyes to Newt Gingrich. Unfortunately (for the GOP and Gingrich), he too is now quickly souring.

It is now more than obvious that Republicans are turning over every stone in an attempt to unearth a nominee other than the despised Mitt Romney. Nonetheless, it does not look like Newt Gingrich is “The One”. He jumped to the top of the GOP list only after the five aforementioned saviors imploded. It is understandable why he was their sixth choice. After all, Newt Gingrich was the only Speaker of the House in history to be sanctioned while in office for an ethics violation. It is also remarkable that he was driven from the speakership position and also his seat in the House of Representatives by his own Republican Party. Additionally, It was recently discovered that the self-described fiscal conservative ran up a nearly $1 million credit bill at toney Tiffany & Co. jewelers while simultaneously his campaign is nearly $1 million in debt. Shortly thereafter, his entire senior campaign staff abruptly quit on him.

This week, things got even worse for Newt Gingrich. Gingrich has long been running along the campaign trail blaming (unjustifiably) pseudo-governmental Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac for the mortgage meltdown which collapsed our economy in 2007. Indeed, on October 11, 2011 he went so far as to say,

“If you want to put people in jail… You ought to start with Barney Frank and Chris Dodd. And let’s look at the politicians who created the environment, the politicians who profited from the environment, and the politicians who put this country in trouble. In Barney Frank’s case, go back and look at the lobbyists he was close to at Freddie Mac.”

By the way, here is Barney Frank’s response to Gingrich’s statement:

Damming words. Unfortunately for Newt Gingrich, it was just discovered that he was one of those Freddie Mac lobbyists or consultants. Bloomberg reported on Tuesday that Gingrich was hired to gain GOP support on Capitol Hill as the government-backed mortgage company came under fire during the subprime mortgage meltdown. CNN also confirmed that “Gingrich Group was paid between $1.6 million and $1.8 million to lobby Republicans in Congress on behalf of the government-backed mortgage lender.” The payments to Gingrich were made during two periods – from 1999 to 2002 and 2006 to 2008. CNN reports that a former official who worked for Freddie Mac during both of Gingrich’s stints, claims that Gingrich was consulted about Freddie’s efforts to become more transparent about “risk and capital management” procedures, risk information disclosure, and how those efforts would be received in Congress, specifically by Republicans. The official went on to say that during his first stint, Freddie Mac wanted to “bond” with Bush administration officials on the idea of creating a “home ownership society” – getting more Latinos and other minorities into home ownership – and worked with Gingrich on that.

It sure looks like Newt Gingrich has some ‘splainin’ to do!

Stay tuned for the upcoming announcement of the newest Republican Presidential flavor of the week. Who will it be? Ron Paul? Rick Santorum? Jon Huntsman? One thing is certain however, it will not be the all but certain eventual nominee, Mitt Romney.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

I Am Woman song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGMESM8JKOg

I AM GINGRICH

(sung to the Helen Reddy song “I Am Woman”)

I am Gingrich, hear me snore
The G.O.P. showed me the door
In ’98, I was thrown out on my rear end
‘cause I called for a class war
When Clinton dallied with that whore
So what if I also had a lady friend

Oh yes I’m despised
And I caused a lot of pain
I’ve been married thrice
And I will wed again
Remember, “Contract With America”
I was wrong (wrong)
Now I’m invisible (invisible)
I am Gingrich

Now I’ve shown you that I’m tasteless
By calling Sonia a racist
When I’m the guy that bloviates on ghettos
My lies will grow much stronger
And my nose will grow much longer
When I start to call Sotomayor a “Hoe”

Oh yes I’m despised
And I caused a lot of pain
I’ve been married thrice
And I will wed again
Remember, “Contract With America”
I was wrong (wrong)
Now I’m invisible (invisible)
I am Gingrich

I am Gingrich don’t you know
Democrats know that I blow
Fox News spreads my fat visage across the land
And I’ll use those embryos
And those nameless “baby does”
If it helps me to advance my final stand

Oh yes I’m despised
And I caused a lot of pain
I’ve been married thrice
And I will wed again
Remember, “Contract With America”
I am wrong (wrong)
And I’m invisible (invisible)
I am Gingrich
Oh, I am Gingrich
I am invisible
I am wrong

(Fading)
I am Gingrich
I am invisible
I am wrong
I am Gingrich

Gingrich Buys Both Bling And Tweets

Gingrich conducts Jobs Fair in El Salvador

The sinking ship known as the S.S. Gingrich Campaign continues its descent to the abyss.

The thrice-married, thrice-religion-changing former ex-disgraced Speaker of the House and present Republican candidate for President, Newt Gingrich is beginning to look as moonbat-crazy as Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann. First we learned that the self-described frugal conservative had run up about $ 1 million on his credit line at posh jeweler Tiffany & Co. Next, virtually his entire campaign staff up and quit on him in a matter of days. We then learned that the candidate who claims to know exactly how to get the nation out of debt has a campaign that is over $ 1 million in debt. That was followed by the revelation that the man who claims that he will bring manufacturing jobs back to the U.S. actually has his campaign t-shirts manufactured in El Salvador.

Suffice to say, Newt Gingrich has had a troubling 2011. His travails have certainly been more than most unqualified GOP Presidential candidates could withstand. And yet, it continues to get worse. What else could possibly have happened you might ask?

Well, just the other day, Gawker.com published an item “based on a former Newt Gingrich staffer’s claim that Gingrich assembled his 1.3 million Twitter followers—a number that he’s taken to bragging about—in part by buying fake Twitter followers.” The Gawker source claimed that about “80 percent of [Newt’s followers] are inactive or are dummy accounts created by various ‘follow agencies'” paid by his campaign. The social networking search firm known as PeekYou has now confirmed that allegation according to Gawker.

PeekYou conducts research on how to measure the quality of Twitter audiences, a project that included looking at politicians’ Twitter followers. And by their count, just 8% of Newt Gingrich’s followers are real people. In other words, only 92% of Gingrich’s Twitter followers are fake!

“We just started running the 2012 candidates’ numbers three weeks ago,” said Josh Mackey, PeekYou’s general manager of business and product development, “and when we saw your story, we went back to pull the Gingrich numbers. The huge majority of his followers are either completely anonymous people who have no other web presence, or they are spambots.”

Gawker.com reports that Mackey said PeekYou actually scrubbed each and every one of Gingrich’s 1.3 million followers, using 23 criteria—including name, location, and inbound and outbound links in their feed—to determine whether they were real people. “We usually find out that real people have real web identities,” he says. For the vast majority of Gingrich’s followers, that wasn’t true. They were either business accounts, private accounts, anonymous accounts that had only a user ID and no other discernible connection to the internet, or spambots. The average Twitter user, Mackey says, has a follower count that consists of anywhere from 35% to 60% real people. At 8%, Gingrich’s is the lowest PeekYou has ever seen. “When was saw it, we actually had our quality assurance people go over the numbers for two days to doublecheck,” he says.

So now, along with expensive bling, Newt Gingrich is also buying Twitter followers. Anyone surprised. Looks like the good ship Gingrich Campaign will soon be nestled right alongside the Titanic. Ahh Newt, we hardly knew ye.

Please remember to click on the song link below before reading the lyrics because it is so much more fun to sing along while the actual song is playing.

You’re A Mean One Mr. Grinch song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzXKWKaxt3c

YOU’RE A HAS-BEEN, NEWT GINGRICH

(sung to the Dr. Seuss song “The Grinch That Stole Christmas”)

You’re a has-been, Newt Gingrich
You’re lacking in appeal
Your were ousted as The Speaker
No one wants to hear you squeal
Newt Gingrich

You’re a unicycle
Without even one wheel

You’ve had three wives, Newt Gingrich
A mistress in the hole
Philandering’s your day job
You’re a slimy ugly troll
Newt Gingich

These woman that like you, must
Be on work release or parole

You’re a vile one, Newt Gingrich
Your words reek with rancid bile
Your criticism of Bill Clinton
As you’re cheating all the while
Newt Gingrich

There couldn’t be a bigger hypocrite
Within a Midwest country mile

You’re a foul one, Newt Gingrich
Your first divorce smelled of skunk
Your wife, Jackie fighting cancer
You told her she was junk
Newt Gingrich

The nicest words to describe you,
Are, as follows, and I quote, Pink. Wank, Punk

You’re a coward, Newt Gingrich
Avoided your army spot
Deferment-seeking chicken-hawk
That likes to talk real tough
Newt Gingrich

Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing
With the most disgraceful assortment of Republican
Sound-bytes imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots

You’re the racist, Newt Gingrich
It’s not Judge Sotomayor
You play the race card as a white guy
That’s so laughable I’m sure
Newt Gingrich

You’re a stinking pile of vomit
Sitting in the sun
With feces on top

Financial Guru Gingrich Is Over $1 Million In Debt

Newt Blingrich on Meet The Press

For Newt Gingrich there is good news and bad news. The good news is that his recently filed personal financial disclosure report reveals that he has finally paid off his gigantic $ 1 million lines of credit at fancy jeweler Tiffany & Co. The bad news is that the disclosure also revealed that his Presidential campaign is more than $ 1 million in debt.

It is nice to see that the self-defined fiscal conservative has managed to pay-off the credit lines used to sustain his addiction to expensive bling. Perhaps he is now paying cash for his treasure trove of trinkets. You see, his habit has not seemed to have abated inasmuch as USA Today reports that Politico identified a woman named Sarah who tweeted that she saw Gingrich and his wife, Callista, ushered into a private room at the Tiffany’s store at Tyson’s Corner in McLean, Va., this weekend. At this point he may as well legally change his name to “Newt Blingrich”!

Gingrich’s presidential aspirations however, are not looking so rosy. First, we learned last month that virtually his entire campaign staff up and quit. Now it has been revealed that said campaign is more than $1 million in debt. Does Newt not understand that Politics 101 teaches that presidential campaigns are designed to raise money through donations, not lose money through expenditures? Jeesh, talk about creative accounting! Is this the type of guy the nation needs to lead it out of its current economic crisis?

When you also consider that the former disgraced Republican Speaker of the House has already been forced out of politics once by his own party; that he has been married three times and has switched religious affiliations as often, you might conclude that he has no shot at winning the presidency. That would be a fair and astute assumption.

In light of all of the above, you can take this to the bank: Newt Gingrich’s days as a presidential candidate are numbered and that number is very small.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

I Am Woman song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGMESM8JKOg

I AM GINGRICH

(sung to the Helen Reddy song “I Am Woman”)

I am Gingrich, hear me snore
The G.O.P. showed me the door
In ’98, I was thrown out on my rear end
‘cause I called for a class war
When Clinton dallied with that whore
So what if I also had a lady friend

Oh yes I’m despised
And I caused a lot of pain
I’ve been married thrice
And I will wed again
Remember, “Contract With America”
I was wrong (wrong)
Now I’m invisible (invisible)
I am Gingrich

Now I’ve shown you that I’m tasteless
By calling Sonia a racist
When I’m the guy that bloviates on ghettos
My lies will grow much stronger
And my nose will grow much longer
When I start to call Sotomayor a “Hoe”

Oh yes I’m despised
And I caused a lot of pain
I’ve been married thrice
And I will wed again
Remember, “Contract With America”
I was wrong (wrong)
Now I’m invisible (invisible)
I am Gingrich

I am Gingrich don’t you know
Democrats know that I blow
Fox News spreads my fat visage across the land
And I’ll use those embryos
And those nameless “baby does”
If it helps me to advance my final stand

Oh yes I’m despised
And I caused a lot of pain
I’ve been married thrice
And I will wed again
Remember, “Contract With America”
I am wrong (wrong)
And I’m invisible (invisible)
I am Gingrich
Oh, I am Gingrich
I am invisible
I am wrong

(Fading)
I am Gingrich
I am invisible
I am wrong
I am Gingrich

Unimpressive GOP Presidential Candidates Lost In A Field Of Dreams

As of July 2011, the field of confirmed Republican 2012 Presidential candidates is laughable. In modern history has there ever been a more radically-conservative, unaccomplished, boring and out and out insane group to seek our nation’s highest office? At his point President Barack Obama is sitting pretty while he wonders which one of these under-achievers will ultimately square-off against him in November of next year. Let’s take a look at these GOP wannabes.

Mitt Romney: Known as Mitt(wit) in his former home of Massachusetts, Romney’s state ranked 47th (out of 50) in job creation while he was governor. That is especially embarrassing when one considers that he was governor of the Bay State during an economic boom-time. Romney is also known for his propensity to flip-flop on issues more than anyone in history. He was in favor of a woman’s right to choose before he was against it. He was in favor of strict hand-gun regulation before he was against it. He was in favor of a path to citizenship immigration policy before he was against it. Most striking of all, he was the author of the first comprehensive health care reform law which was spearheaded by a personal mandate to purchase health insurance before he was against the new national law which is a virtual clone.

Donald Trump:  Oh wait a second, the bankrupt billionaire has already quit the race. He says that he is considering re-entering however, so let’s keep him on the list for awhile. Donald Trump, really? Say no more.

Newt Gingrich:  The former disgraced Republican Speaker of the House has already been forced out of politics once by his own party. He has been married three times and has switched religious affiliations as often. He claims to represent the interests of working-class Americans as he runs up million dollar credit card bills at posh jeweler Tiffany. Nearly his entire staff has already quit on him and his campaign is approximately $1 million in debt. Does Gingrich sound like a good candidate to lead the nation out of its economic woes?

Tim Pawlenty:  BORING!!! Pawlenty is the former Governor of Minnesota who claimed to be fiscally conservative while agreeing to spend hundreds of millions of taxpayer dollars to build a baseball stadium for the millionaire owner of the Minnesota Twins. His gubernatorial election wins have always been by the slimmest of margins. His approval rating among his home state Minnesotans is always less than 50%. Pawlenty also pardoned a man named Jeremy Geifer, who in 1993 spent 45 days in jail and registered as a sex offender for impregnating his 14-year-old girlfriend when he was 19. Thereafter, Geifer’s daughter, the one whose conception sparked the original conviction, accused Geifer of raping her before, during and after Pawlenty pardoned the ex-con. Think of 1988 Presidential candidate Michael Dukakis and his “Willy Horton problem”. All of this may explain why Pawlenty’s campaign has only been able to raise $4.5 million in donations.

Jon Huntsman: The former Utah Governor served in the Obama Administration as Ambassador to China. In letters to President Obama he said, “You are a remarkable leader, and it has been a great honor getting to know you”, “the graciousness and kindness you have shown me and my family – particularly your confidence in my ability to represent you in China”, “I have enormous regard for your experience, sense of history and brilliant analysis of world events” and “I must report that Sec. Clinton has won the hearts and minds of the State Dept. bureaucracy — no easy task. And after watching her in action, I can see why. She is well-read, hard working, personable and has even more charisma than her husband! It’s an honor to work with her”. When Huntsman is forced out of the Republican race, perhaps he can switch allegiances and campaign on behalf of Barack Obama.

Herman Cain:  The former pizza shop owner and lobbyist opposes abortion even in the case of incest or rape. He is a racist who dislikes Muslims. He has stated that he was “uncomfortable” when he found that the surgeon operating on his liver and colon cancer was Muslim because, “”based upon the little knowledge that I have of the Muslim religion, you know, they have an objective to convert all infidels or kill them”. When asked in asked in March 2011 if he would feel comfortable appointing a Muslim to his administration or as a Judge. Cain said “No, I will not … There’s this creeping attempt, there’s this attempt, to gradually ease Shariah Law, and the Muslim faith into our government. It does not belong in our government”. Cain has also stated that president Barack Obama was  “raised in Kenya”. In short, Cain is an unhealthy pizza with everything bad on it. Even Hitler finds Herman Cain unelectable. Watch this newly discovered secret footage:

Ron Paul:  Ron Paul is our first candidate that belongs in the moonbat-crazy Tea Party Division of the Republican Party.  He is known as “Dr. No” because of his insistence that he will “never vote for legislation unless the proposed measure is expressly authorized by the Constitution”. He opposes birthright citizenship. He advocates for the elimination of the Federal Reserve. He would deny women their right of freedom of choice in birth. He believes that the civil Rights act of 1964 is unconstitutional. He is worried that our nation’s gold supply might have gone missing from Fort Knox. He is also a racist who said this in his very own newsletter, “Boy, it sure burns me to have a national holiday for that pro-communist philanderer Martin Luther King. I voted against this outrage time and time again as a Congressman. What an infamy that Ronald Reagan approved it! We can thank him for our annual Hate Whitey Day.” And this, “opinion polls consistently show only about 5% of blacks have sensible political opinions”. And this, “if you have ever been robbed by a black teen-aged male, you know how unbelievably fleet-footed they can be”.

Michele Bachmann:  This Minnesota Congresswoman is absolutely the craziest bat in the GOP belfry. She too belongs in the moonbat-crazy Tea Party Division of the Republican Party. She too opposes abortion even in the case of rape or incest. She hates gays and considers them “part of Satan”. She denounces govt. subsidies and Medicaid except when she, her husband and family are recipients of same. She has said the following: “And what a bizarre time we’re in, when a judge will say to little children that you can’t say the pledge of allegiance, but you must learn that homosexuality is normal and you should try it”, “There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design” and “[Gay marriage] is probably the biggest issue that will impact our state and our nation in the last, at least, thirty years. I am not understating that”. She also believes the the famous “shot heard round the world” was fired in New Hampshire and that our founding fathers “fought tirelessly to end slavery”. Now that is a bag-full of crazy.

Rick Santorum,   Santorum is the former GOP Senator from Pennsylvania who was soundly defeated by Democrat Bob Casey, Jr. in 2006. He lost by a margin of  59% to 41% which is the largest margin of defeat for an incumbent Senator since 1980. He denies the theory of evolution and is adamantly anti-gay. He once said that gay marriage would ultimately lead to men having sex with dogs.

Gary Johnson  Never heard of him.

Fred karger,  Never heard of him.

Andy Martin:  Never heard of him.

Thaddeus McCotter:  Never heard of him.

Roy Moore: Never heard of him.

Buddy Roemer:  Never heard of him.

With this group of clowns who needs Sarah Palin?

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

“All Together Now” song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtjhW-ERoak

ALL TOGETHER NOW

 (sung to the Beatles song “All Together Now”)

One, two, three, four
Tim Pawlenty makes me snore
Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten I loathe you

A, B, C, D
Bachmann’s drinking too much tea
E, F, G, H, I, J I loathe you

  • Boom, bam, boom
  • Boom, bam, boom

Mitt’s a dip
Boom, bam, boom
Newt’s crazy
Boom, bam, boom
Paul’s a dope
Boom, bam, boom
Where’s Christie?

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now

Black, white, green, red
Listen to what Herm Cain said
Pink, brown, yellow, orange and blue I loathe you

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now

Rick’s a twit
Boom, bam, boom
Jon’s a dweeb
Boom, bam, boom
Not a hope
Boom, bam, boom
Nobodies!

All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now
All together now….