Category Archives: Meg Whitman

Lynnrockets’ Political Oscar Night Recap

John Boehner thanks the Academy

What with all the attention focused on Hollywood last night, you might not have noticed that the City of Boston held the 235th annual Political Oscars. The storied event was held on the U.S.S. Constitution (Old Ironsides) in Boston Harbor so that the Tea Partiers in the audience would feel at home. Prior to the ceremony, the nominees were paraded along the famous Freedom Trail past such historic sites as America’s first voucher-less public school, Paul Revere’s home, the site of the Boston Massacre and the Bunker Hill Monument. As they boarded Old Ironsides, they were pelted with tea-bags before they took their seats on the poop-deck. The event was not widely seen on television because all of America’s lamestream media networks were covering the “other” more popular pageant in LA. Thankfully, Al Jazeera did cover the event.

And the winners were…

Best Female Violent Rhetoric: Failed Nevada Republican Senate candidate Sharron “2nd Amendment Remedies” Angle

- Runner-up: Reality TV host Sarah Palin – “It’s time to reload”

Best Male Violent Rhetoric: Fox News host and self-described “rodeo clown” Glenn Beck who said, “I want to kill Charlie Rangel with a shovel”

- Runner-up: Failed Arizona Republican Congressional candidate Jesse Kelly who, while running against Gabrielle Giffords, held a fund-raising event that was advertised as “Help remove Gabrielle Giffords from office. Shoot a fully automatic M16 with Jesse Kelly”

Best Female Fictitious Memoir: Reality TV host Sarah Palin for her “America By Heart” wherein the self-professed founding fathers-lover wrote, on page 189,  about the opinions of Founding Father John Adams, including his famous quotation, “we have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion.”   Her mistake is not in her analysis of the importance of faith to John Adams.  No, her error came in claiming that he had been a “leading participant at the Constitutional Convention.” The reality is that John Adams did not participate in the Constitutional Convention. He was Ambassador to Great Britain at the time.

- Runner-up: Condoleeza Rice’s “Extraordinary, Ordinary People” because it fails to mention a single thing about the run-up to the invasion of iraq.

Best Male Fictitious Memoir: George W. Bush who quoted in “Decision Points”, Gerhard Schröder (then German Chancellor),  as having said of the run-up to the Iraq invasion, “What is true of Afghanistan is true of Iraq. Nations that sponsor terror must face consequences. If you make it fast and make it decisive, I will be with you.” Bush then wrote, “I took that as a statement of support. But when the German election arrived later that year, Schröder had a different take. He denounced the possibility of force against Iraq.” Schröder however has had this to say about Bush, “Just as I did during my subsequent meetings with the American president, I made it clear that, should Iraq … prove to have provided protection and hospitality to al-Qaida fighters, Germany would reliably stand beside the US. This connection, however, as it became clear during 2002, was false and constructed.”

- Runner-up: Donald Rumsfeld’s “Known and Unknown” in which he wrote, “Powell was not duped or misled by anybody. Nor did he lie about Saddam’s suspected WMD stockpiles. The president did not lie. The vice president did not lie. (CIA Director George) Tenet did not lie. Rice did not lie. I did not lie. . . . The far less dramatic truth is that we were wrong.” ‘Nuff said.

Best Republican Propaganist (TV): Fox News

Best Republican Propagandist (Radio): Rush Limbaugh

Best Tan: Republican Speaker of the House, John Boehner (pronounced “boner”)

- Runner-up: President Barack Obama

Most Creepy Sex Scandal: Todd “First Dude” Palin for having sex with the same prostitute that wife Sarah Palin frequented for massages

- Runner-up: Former married GOP Rep. Chris Lee from New York for posting an eerie shirtless Craigslist ad allegedly searching for both female and transsexual sex partners

Biggest Lie Of The Year 2010: PolitiFact editors and reporters have chosen “government takeover of health care” as the 2010 Lie of the Year. Said Jonathan Oberlander, a professor of health policy at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill:  “The label ‘government takeover” has no basis in reality, but instead reflects a political dynamic where conservatives label any increase in government authority in health care as a ‘takeover.’ “

- Runner-up: Moonbat-crazy Teapublican Rep. Michele Bachmann’s (MN) claim that Obama was going to spend $200 million a day on a trip to India.

Most Racist State: Arizona, for its unconstitutional “Show me your papers” law

State Which Spends Least Per Pupil On Education: Arizona

Highest Profile Employer of Illegal Immigrants: Failed GOP gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman of California

- Runner-up: Failed GOP presidential candidate Mitt(wit) Romney of Massachusetts

Most Chaste Politician: Failed GOP senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell of Delaware who does not masturbate

- First runner-up: Former ex-quitting half-term Republican governor of Alaska Sarah Palin who’s husband allegedly gets his action from her masseuse

- Second Runner-up: Bristol Palin, the former unwed pregnant teen and single mother who now preaches abstinence

Most Unlikely Presidential Candidate: Republican Donald Trump who would lead this nation out of the worst economic downturn since the great depression with the knowledge and skill he acquired after having filed for bankruptcy on at least four occasions

- Runner-up: Sarah Palin, who said on her failed un-reality television program that she’d rather be in Alaska “than in some stuffy old political office.”

It was a truly memorable night and after all the awards were handed out, the winners and runner-ups all accompanied Master of Ceremonies Charley Sheen down to Boston’s notorious red-light district “The Combat Zone” for more fun and frolic!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

God Bless The U.S.A. song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q65KZIqay4E

PROUD TO BE A REPUBLICAN

(sung to the Lee Greenwood song “God Bless The U.S.A.”)

If tomorrow all my brains were gone
And I was just plant life
With a feeding tube shoved in
Against the wishes of my wife
I’d thank my lucky stars the G.O.P. had their way
And curtailed my family’s freedom
Made them watch me waste away

Boy, I’m proud to be a Republican
Like Huckabee and Romney
And I won’t forget Glenn Beck who cried
Right there on Fox TV
Cuz they’ll gladly stand up next to you
And berate your union pay
I just love those hate filled flames they fan
They hate the U.S.A.

Bachmann hates in Minnesota
Alaska has Sarah P.
Rick Perry down in Texas
They’re in the Tea Party
Not Detroit nor in Boston
Too liberal, black and gay
There’s no soul in any Republican heart
And they love it just that way

Yes, I’m proud to be a Republican
Just like Rush and Hannity
And I love the facts they do deny
Right there on Fox TV
And I’ll gladly stand up next to you
And castigate Tina Fey
Cuz I never doubt those Red State men
No matter what they say

Oh, I’m proud to be a Republican
As I sit here sipping tea
Palin’s “death panels” can’t be denied
They say on Fox TV
Sarah sends a Twitter -  text to you
Six or seven times a day
It’s Republicans that love this land
In our per-ver-ted way!

Sunday Morning Coffee (or Tea) – 58

Just a few newsworthy events (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful day!

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Not All Of My Children” features Sarah Palin. The former ex-quitting half-term Governor of Alaska has just released a new ad which looks strikingly like a Presidential candidate’s ad. In it, she makes reference to all her wonderful “Mama Grizzlies”. Problem is, she apparently has disinherited some of her unsuccessful cubs. Christine O’Donnell, Carly Fiorina, Meg Whitman, Sharron Angle and Linda McMahon are all conspicuously absent. Let’s watch…

THIS JUST IN: Congressman Barney Frank (D-MA) gave the most spot-on victory speech last Tuesday evening. After trouncing the Sarah Palin endorsed Teapublican Sean Bielat, he said this…

Go get’em Barney!

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Despicable Me” stars Sarah Palin. The Queen of Quit included the following “tweet” as one of her favorites on her Twitter account: “The Blood of Jesus ATLAH World Missionary Church” in New York. The sign read: “The blood of Jesus against Obama history made 4 Nov 2008 a Taliban Muslim illegally elected president USA:Hussein.” The next time someone tells you that members of the Tea Party are not racist, vile, violent and deranged, show them Palin’s favorite “tweet”.

THIS JUST IN: It was nice to see the Democrats pick-up a few election victories after Tuesday. Patty Murray won a Washington Senate seat by defeating Sarah Palin endorsed Teapublican Dino Rossi; Pat Quinn won the Illinois Governor’s race by defeating far-right Republican Bill Brady; John Kitzhaber won the Oregon Governor’s race by defeating Republican Chris Dudley; Michael Bennet won a Colorado Senate seat by defeating Sarah Palin endorsed Teapublican Ken Buck and John Hickenlooper won the Colorado Governor’s race by defeating Sarah Palin endorsed Tea-Bagger Tom Tancredo. Dan Malloy won the Connecticut Governor’s race by defeating republican Tom Foley. Most surprising of all however, was that Jenny Oropeza won a California state senate seat by defeating Republican John Stammreich. This is startling because Ms. Oropeza passed away two weeks before the election.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Never Trust An Unnamed Source Unless It Furthers My Agenda” features Minnesota’s Teapublican Congresswoman Michele Bachmann. The moon-bat crazy Bachmann was punked into believing an anonymous source quoted by an Indian newspaper that claimed that President Obama’s 10 day trip to India will cost in excess of $ 2 billion: $200 million a day, 34 diverted Navy ships, a 2,000-person presidential entourage, and 870 hotel rooms in India. To put things in perspective, the alleged daily cost of the trip would exceed the daily cost of the Afghan war. When pressed by CNN‘s Anderson Cooper to back up her numbers, Bachmann responded, “These are the numbers that are coming out in the press.” Of course she forgot to mention that the “press’ which she relied upon consisted of an unnamed Indian and the Drudge Report. The story has been denied by the Obama administration as “wildly inflated”. Michelle Bachmann is a crazy person and anyone that votes for her should be institutionalized.

THIS JUST IN: The next time some Tea Partier tells you that, as a result of the Republican capture of the House of Representatives in the last election, the Health Care Reform Law will now be repealed, tell them this. Tommy Thompson, the health and human services secretary under President George W. Bush says,

“When it’s all said and done, you’re not going to be able to repeal health care because President Obama is not going to sign it. And they don’t have enough votes to override a veto, so why push a cart uphill when you know it’s not going to be able to get to the top?”

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Ouch! That’s Gonna Leave A Mark” co-stars former President George W. Bush and former ex-quitting half-term governor of Alaska Sarah Palin. The concensus fifth worst President in the history of our great nation has told friends that Palin is not qualified to be President. “Naming Palin makes Bush think less of McCain as a man,” a Republican official familiar with Bush’s thinking told the Daily News. “He thinks McCain ran a lousy campaign with an unqualified running mate and destroyed any chance of winning by picking Palin.” Heckuva job, McCain.
THIS JUST IN: David Letterman: “[Sarah Palin] says she wants limited government. … Does she mean fewer elected officials? Or few elected officials who will resign in the middle of their term? I think limited government will be perfect for her limited abilities.”
Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

The Ballad Of Davey Crockett song link:  http://www.televisiontunes.com/Davey_Crocket.html

THE BALLAD OF SARAH PALIN

(sung to the television theme song “Ballad Of Davey Crockett”)

Lives in a compound up in Wassilly,
Behind a big fence so Joe can’t see
She got a taste of being “Mavericky”,
So she quit her job as Alaska’s G
Sarah, Sarah Palin, the lipsticked mama bear!

Tea-Baggers follow her where she goes,
Starin’ at their tv’s when she’s on Fox shows
A Palin sighting sets them all aglow,
As she shakes their hands and then takes all their dough
Sarah, Sarah Palin, spreading her hate and fear!

Through Red State woods she’s a marchin’ along,
Makin’ up yarns like her “death panel” song
Her looks are frightenin’ and she smells quite strong,
She’s really just a liar with facts all wrong
Sarah, Sarah Palin, the brain-dead buccaneer!

Letterman said that she dresses like a whore,
Then she screamed so much that her throat got sore
She had money but she needed some more,
Got herself a Greyhound for her book tour
Sarah, Sarah Palin, profiteering pioneer!

She says the Lord is her guiding hand,
And dinosaurs co-existed with man
All those books that disagree should be banned,
That sciencey stuff she don’t understand
Sarah, Sarah Palin, logic she will not hear!

She believes that Congress should go to Hell,
She will send them there by castin’ a witch spell
Palin wants Washington to listen well,
To all those fabrications that she does tell
Sarah, Sarah Palin, the moonbat of the year!

When she goes home her politickin’ done,
Alaskans all will up and run
But Sarah will pick up her trusty gun,
And shoot up all her neighbors just for fun
Sarah, Sarah Palin, her rifle sight is clear!

She moved to Houston an’ Austin so,
To the southern states she just had to go
Tea-Baggers were fightin’ another foe,
And Sarah hates the immigrant Joe
Sarah, Sarah Palin, nativist without peer!

She’s not the smartest but she is dumbest,
Despite six schools could not pass a test
When it comes to being dumb she’s the best,
She should make her home in a cuckoo’s nest
Sarah, Sarah Palin, the lipsticked mama bear!

Spread The Butter Cuz Sarah Palin Is Toast

 

If you're finished and you know it, clap your hands!

 

To all the Palinbots out there, it is time to face the ugly truth. Sarah Palin is no longer the flavor of the month. Her moment has passed. Her star has flamed out. Her influence has waned. She is quickly becoming an “also ran”. A loser.

Like so many flashes in the pan before her, Sarah Palin captured the attention of this nation for a short while. When she was chosen as John McCain’s running-mate in 2008, nobody had ever heard of her. That anonymity alone made her interesting. “Who is this person that may be second in line for the presidency?” the national media and the rest of us wondered.

The interest increased on a daily basis as more and more of her dirty little secrets were revealed. The “abstinence only” born again Christian has a pregnant unwed teen daughter? It took her 6 years at 5 mediocre colleges to earn a mere bachelor’s degree? She tried to have her brother-in-law fired from his job as an Alaskan State Trooper? She inquired about banning books at the local library? She had a witch doctor drive demons from her body? She chose her children’s names by throwing a dart at a dictionary page? (OK, we made that one up, but it fits in perfectly well with the rest). You have to admit, this was interesting stuff. Sarah Palin’s life resembled the perfect marriage between a Lifetime channel cable TV movie and an episode of the Beverly Hillbillies.

“Enquiring minds” wanted to know about every wacky detail of this crazy woman’s entertaining life. We were not disappointed. Soon we learned about “bridges to nowhere” and “thanks but no thanks”. Her disastrous nationally televised interviews gave us the hilarious gifts of “you can see Russia from Alaska”, “I’ll have’ta get back to ya on that”, and the now famous “all of ‘em any of ‘em”. She even introduced us to some new sidekicks such as the “pitbull with lipstick”, “Joe Sixpack” and her new BFF, “Joe the Plumber”.

Despite the fact that Palin’s antics entertained us throughout the presidential campaign, the fact is that a vast majority of Americans did not take her seriously. Her ticket lost in an epic landslide and it would have been best for America if she disappeared ala Dan Quayle. But such was not the case. We may have been done with Palin, but she was not done with us. In short, she refused to go away.

She found a willing loudspeaker for her hate-fueled radically conservative rhetoric at the insane asylum known as Fox News. The network’s uneducated, brainwashed audience rabidly ingested every unintelligible sentence that Palin vomited. Sarah Palin became the pied piper of the misinformed masses and she relished her status. So, in July 2009 she quit her day job as Governor of Alaska (after only having served for one half of one term), hired a ghostwriter to pen her fictitious memoir and embarked on a nationwide fee-based book signing and public speaking tour. Always in demand, Palin spoke at such prestigious events as the Liquor Wholesalers Convention, the Bowling Convention and the highly coveted Battery Back-up Sump Pump Convention. The sky was the limit.

There was one little problem, however. The national Republican leadership was not so enamored with Palin. After having just been trounced in the nationwide elections, the G.O.P. was inclined to distance itself somewhat from this eccentric curiosity in its quest to rebuild a solid constituency. The party leadership did not want to consider the possibility of Sarah Palin representing them on the Sunday morning television news programs. They moved on.

Enter the Tea Party. The misinformed masses that watch Fox News and listen to the likes of Rush Limbaugh, Ann “the Man” Coulter and Laura Ingraham began to gather their pitchforks and torches and coalesce around the idea that they could take over the Republican Party and reform it in their image of racism, violence, fear and anarchy. Sarah Palin encouraged this malleable group of uneducated nitwits with talk of “death panels”, “reloading” and the “lamstream media” It was all “us against them” and the Tea-Baggers not only took the poison, but they appointed Sarah Palin as their de-facto Queen.

She willingly accepted the title. Then, when Palin learned of the sophomoric means of communication known as “The Twitter” and “Facebook”, she began to issue edicts to her minions on a daily basis and in a crude form of semi-English that they could understand. She ordered them to support her hand-picked assortment of radically fringe yet ultimately unelectable candidates who she referred to as “Mama Grizzlies”. And her subjects followed orders.

The Palin led Tea-Baggers vaulted candidates to primary election victories over mainstream Republican candidates despite their radical (and sometimes insane) objectives such as repealing the 10th and 14th Amendments, privatizing Social Security, removing fluoride from the nation’s water supply, banning abortions for victims of rape and incest, forcing elders to pay $ 2,000.00 Medicare deductibles and “horror of horrors” banning masturbation. Sarah Palin climbed out onto a very thin limb by personally endorsing these very high profile eccentric candidates and by doing so, she put her own credibility on the line.

Palin’s credibility has now been destroyed. On election day the nation’s voters said “no” to Sharron “2nd Amendment remedies” Angle. The voters said “no” to Christine “Masturbation is Adultery” O’Donnell. The voters said “no” to Linda “Women are Sex Objects” McMahon. The voters said “no” to Carly “Worst CEO in History” Fiorina. The voters said “no” to Meg “Illegal Housekeeper” Whitman. The voters said “no” to John “Lasers in the Sky” Raese. The voters said “no” to Sean “Privatize Social Security” Bielat. The voters said “no” to Tom “Let’s Bomb Mecca” Tancredo. The voters said “no” to Ken “No Abortion For Rape Victims” Buck. The voters said “no” to Dino “Repeal Wall Street Reform” Rossi. And, it looks like the voters will say “no” to Joe “Dump Social Security” Miller. In short, Sarah Palin was “refudiated” in a big way.

Even someone over at ever-friendly Fox News has now turned against Sarah Palin. On Thursday Mort Kondracke said, “She’s a joke even within her own party. The idea that she would be the presidential nominee is unthinkable.”

The lesson learned is that Sarah Palin is widely popular among a small group of radically misinformed fanatics, but her ideas and endorsements carry very little weight with the voting population as a whole. To the mainstream American voter, Sarah Palin is nothing more than an entertaining and curiously magnetic oddity much like the sympathy inducing side-show freaks of days gone by. We like being entertained by her antics but we have no desire to participate in her stage show or to be subject to her leadership in any capacity. That is why most of us hope that she runs for president in 2012. We know that we will enjoy the benefit of being amused while simultaneously being comforted by the fact that she has no chance of damaging the country by being elected.

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

I’m A Loser song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXHO7hScOCA

SHE’S A LOSER

(sung to the Beatles song “I’m A Loser”)

She’s a loser
She’s a loser
Palin’s just what she appears to be

Of the elections she’s won, more have lost
Tea Party honor has come at a cost
She called both Angle and Miller a friend
But her endorsement hurt them in the end

She’s a loser
And a victim of the Tea Party
She’s a loser
Now she’s hated by the G.O.P.

Sarah P. talks and she acts like a clown
She’s been rejected by nude-boy Scott Brown
The jeers are falling like rain from the sky
She can’t be saved by the wink of her eye

She’s a loser
Like the members of the Tea Party
She’s a loser
And she’s only out to make a fee

(Russia viewing break)

She loves to spread her politics of hate
When she got caught she just quit on her state
Oh yes it’s true, she is in a free fall
Palin is screwed like a fish to the wall

She’s a loser
And she lost again so recently
She’s a loser
For some proof just turn on Fox TV

Tea-Baggers Squeezed Dry In Massachusetts

Pres. Barack Obama and MA Gov. Deval Patrick

It was not all bad news yesterday. The Democrats lost the House as expected but they maintained control of the Senate. Consequently, there is no chance that radically conservative bills can emerge from Congress. Furthermore, virtually all of Sarah Palin’s hand chosen Tea Party crackpots lost. The voters said “no” to Sharron “2nd Amendment remedies” Angle. The voters said “no” to Christine “Masturbation is Adultery” O’Donnell. The voters said “no” to Linda “Women are Sex Objects” McMahon. The voters said “no” to Carly “Worst CEO in History” Fiorina. The voters said “no” to Meg “Illegal Housekeeper” Whitman. The voters said “no” to John “Lasers in the Sky” Raese. The voters said “no” to Sean “Privatize Social Security” Bielat. The voters said “no” to Tom “Let’s Bomb Mecca” Tancredo. And, it looks like the voters will say “no” to Joe “Dump Social Security” Miller and Dino “Repeal Wall Street Reform” Rossi. In short, Sarah Palin was “refudiated” in a big way.

Additionally, it is now apparent that Scott “Nudist” Brown’s Tea Party fueled Senate victory in Massachusetts last January was a fluke. Unlike most every other state (with the notable exceptions of New York and California), Massachusetts elected Democrats to virtually every elective office yesterday. Indeed, the state is bluer today than it was yesterday.

Brown’s surprise election was heralded (mostly by the Boston Herald Enquirer) as the beginning of a Republican revolution in the Bay State. He emboldened the state G.O.P. to challenge incumbent Democrats for the first time in decades. Problem is, the Republicans had no credible candidates. Additionally, Brown’s victory did not serve to energize the G.O.P. as much as it served to awaken and energize the hibernating Democratic Party voters who had become complacent after so many years of success. In short, Massachusetts voters vowed that they would not be fooled again. And they were not.

In yesterday’s elections, all statewide elected offices, including a closely fought governor’s race, and the entire 10-member US House delegation remained in Democratic hands, despite a national tide that left Republicans celebrating large gains last night. The Boston Globe reports that Peter Ubertaccio, a political science professor at Stonehill College said, “I don’t know how they view this as anything but a total disaster. I just don’t know what a political party does if all indicators across the nation, across the state, all point to a Republican year and they can’t win any races.”

Perhaps longterm Congressman Barney Frank put it best in his victory speech when he said, “The campaigns run by most Republicans were beneath the dignity of a democracy, and I am delighted they were repudiated.’’

Lynnrockets congratulates:

Deval Patrick
Barney Frank
John Tierney
Bill Keating
John Olver
Richard Neal
Jim McGovern
Niki Tsongas
Ed Markey
Mike Capuano
Stephen “Dino” Lynch
Steve Grossman
Suzanne Bump
Martha Coakley
Bill Galvin
Ben Downing
James Timilty
Mike Rodrigues
Mark Montigny
Dan Wolf
Steve Baddour
Fred Berry
Barry Finegold
Tom McGee
Jim Welch
Gale Candaras
Eileen Donaghue
Cynthia Creem
Karen Spilka
Sal DiDomenico
Jim Eldridge
Brian Joyce
John Keenan
Therese Murray
Marc Pacheco
Tom Kennedy
Anthony Petruccelli
Mike Bush
Harriette Chandler
Steve Brewer
Jen Flanagan and
Richard Moore

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s song parody.

Scott Brown's favorite birthday suit

Charlie Brown song link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UnPzp2lmNk

SCOTTIE BROWN

(sung to the Coasters song “Charlie Brown”)

Fe-fe, fi-fi, fo-fo, fum
He’s the senator that will bare his bum

Scottie Brown, Scottie Brown
He’s a clown, that nude Scott Brown
He likes to bare his bod
In those magazines
(That’s why everybody’s always pickin’ on me)

That’s him on his knees
I know that’s him
Yeah, from 7 come 11
Down in the Senate gym

Scottie Brown, Scottie Brown
He’s a clown, that nude Scott Brown
Craig thinks that he’s hot
He hopes to steal a peek
(Why’s Lynnrockets always pickin’ on me)

Who’s always nude at the roll call?
Who’s lurking in the men’s room stalls?
Who’s sporting his bat and balls?
Guess who? (who me?) yeah, you!

Who walks through the Senate dumb and slow?
Who calls Mitch McConnell, Daddy-O?

Scottie Brown, Scottie Brown
He’s going down, next time around
His votes can be bought
Just you wait and see
(Why’s everybody always pickin’ on me)

(musical interlude)

He is in the Party that says “No”
With his private parts swinging to and fro

Scottie Brown, Scottie Brown
He’s a clown, that nude Scott Brown
He’s showing a lot
His bum, his wee-wee
(Why’s Lynnrockets always pickin’ on me)

Halloween Tricks And A Few Treats – 57

Just a few spooky and newsworthy events (and comments thereon) that have been making their way through the political universe this past week. Please ponder and maybe chuckle a bit before enjoying a wonderful Halloween! Have fun and stay safe!

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Endorsing Your Opponent” features California’s Republican gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman. The illegal alien hiring Whitman stars in her Democratic Party opponent, Jerry Brown’s new campaign ad wherein she tells the world how great things were in California 30 years ago…when Brown was the Governor. Vote for Democrat Jerry Brown on Tuesday!

THIS JUST IN: Jury selection began this week in former Republican House Majority Leader Tom DeLay‘s money laundering trial. The Republican was indicted in 2005 on charges he illegally sent $190,000 in corporate money through the Republican National Committee to help elect GOP Texas legislative candidates in 2002. It seems quite appropriate that this jerk’s trial will commence during the Halloween season. Let’s hope a lot of skeletons come out of Delay’s deep, dark closet.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “Crazy Republicans and the Crazy Things They Say” features West Virginia’s Teapublican candidate for Governor, John Raese. West Virginia Gov. Joe Manchin, the state’s Democratic Senate nominee, launched a campaign ad last Monday calling his opponent’s ideas “crazy” and “bad for West Virginia.” The ad compiles video clips of Republican John Raese making a series of seemingly controversial statements, such as, “I’ve already been defeated three times. That’s a pretty good message from West Virginia I think.” And later, “We don’t need the Department of Education.” and “… We need 1,000 laser systems put in the sky, and we need it right now.” John Raese is crazy. Vote for Democrat Joe Manchin on Tuesday!

THIS JUST IN: Don’t you just love watching Republicans eat their young? The UK Telegraph reported this week that Karl “Turd Blossom” Rove believes that Sarah Palin is unqualified to be President. Rove is quoted as saying, “With all due candour, appearing on your own reality show on the Discovery Channel, I am not certain how that fits in the American calculus of ‘that helps me see you in the Oval Office’,”. He added that the promotional clip for Sarah Palin’s Alaska could be especially detrimental to any political campaign. It features the mother of five in the great outdoors saying: “I would rather be doing this than in some stuffy old political office.” It appears that the former half-term, ex-quitting Governor of Alaska is becoming somewhat of a lightweight in Republican circles.

BREAKING NEWS: This week’s episode of “If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Sue ‘Em” features Massachusetts Republican candidate for US Congress Bill Hudak. Democratic Party incumbent John Tierney this week released a blistering campaign ad wherein he cites newspapers that have refereed to Hudak as “toxic” and “a poisonous kook”. In retaliation, Hudak has filed a lawsuit in attempt to have the ads pulled from the airwaves. The lawsuit however, has little to no chance of success because Massachusetts courts have long ruled against prior restraints against publication on First Amendment grounds. A Tierney spokesperson said, “Bill Hudak’s action is without merit or legal precedence. It is an attempt to intimidate speech in the context of a political campaign, and we will respond appropriately in court.” UPDATE:  Case closed. The court ruled against Hudak and he dismissed his lawsuit. Vote for Democrat John Tierney on Tuesday! Here is the hilarious ad:

THIS JUST IN: To all of you Alaska voters that are willing to do anything to prevent Teapublican Joe Miller from being elected to the U.S. Senate, pay close attention. Pinch your noses and write L-I-S-A  M-U-R-K-O-W-S-K-I.

BREAKING NEWS: The next time that someone tries to tell you that the Tea Party is not violent and dangerous inform them of this. The Dallas Morning News reports that Teapublican congressional candidate Stephen Broden stunned his says he would not rule out violent overthrow of the government if elections did not produce a change in leadership. In a rambling exchange during a TV interview, Broden said a violent uprising “is not the first option,” but it is “on the table. We have a constitutional remedy, and the Framers say if that don’t work, revolution.” He added, “The option is on the table. I don’t think that we should remove anything from the table as it relates to our liberties and our freedoms.” Vote for Democrat Eddie Bernice Johnson on Tuesday!

THIS JUST IN: At a gathering in Texas last Tuesday, former President George W. Bush said, “I miss being pampered” in reference to his time in the Oval Office. Think about that for a moment. While this nation suffered from the worst terrorist attack in its history on 9/11/01 and while thousands of soldiers died in his war of choice, he enjoyed the pampering.

BREAKING NEWS: The next time that someone tries to tell you that the Tea Party is not violent and dangerous inform them of this. A Tea Party-backed candidate who allegedly murdered two unarmed Iraqis is seeking a seat in the House of Representatives, The Guardian reports. Thirty-nine-year-old Ilario Pantano, who is running for North Carolina’s 7th congressional district as a Republican, was charged with the premeditated murder of two Iraqi civilians in 2005 while serving as a second lieutenant with the US Marines. Sergeant Daniel Coburn, who was 27 at the time and one of the three soldiers at the incident, recalled wondering “when the lieutenant was going to stop, because it was obvious that they were dead.” “I believed that by firing the number of rounds that I did, I was sending a message,” Pantano told the New York magazine. All charges against Pantano, who was facing a possible death sentence, were later dropped due to insufficient evidence. Vote for Democrat Mike McIntyre on Tuesday!

THIS JUST IN: This week’s episode of “I’m As Crazy As Christine O”Donnell” features Colorado Teapublican Senate candidate Ken Buck. He says that he “disagree[d] strongly with the concept of separation of church and state,” and that “it was not written into the Constitution.” Buck should be reminded that while the Constitution doesn’t contain the exact words “separation of church and state,” legal scholars and the courts agree it does prohibit the establishment or endorsement of religion. Furthermore, in 1801, Thomas Jefferson wrote that “religion is a matter which lies solely between Man & his God,” and argued the Constitution required “building a wall of separation between Church & State.” Vote for Democrat Michael Bennet on Tuesday!

Please remember to click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along with today’s topical song parody.

We Didn’t Start The Fire song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFTLKWw542g

WE DIDN’T START THE LYING

(sung to the Billy Joel song “We Didn’t Start The Fire”)

Ronald Reagan, Larry Craig, Mark Sanford, Tom Delay
Michelle Malkin, Michele Bachmann, “Goin’ with the flow”

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Howard Baker, lack of vision
Spreading Fear, Acting queer, and ole Sixpack Joe

No icebergs, H-Bomb, “Pay for play”, “Hockey Mom”
Landrieu, Hamid Karzai, and that Michael Savage guy

Ivy tower, Van Flein, Tea-bagger party scene
Party of “No”, Tim Pawlenty, Let’s watch Glenn Beck cry

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Vitter’s fallin’, Ginny Foxx, Boehner and Inhofe
Mitch McConnell, small umbrella, Talking the talk

Spin Zone, Rent to own, Straight martini, Bank loan
Russian view and Pastor Haggard’s flock

Sex crimes, Grassley, John McCain is “Mavericky”
Lining pockets, health care plan, Giuliani, Limbaugh Land

Barrasso, Fake protest, Tom “The Hammer”, Chambliss
Senate race, Lack of grace, and Melvin Martinez

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Loaded Glock, SarahPAC, Sam Alito, Johnny Mack
Jindal, Right to die, Tripp’s father is Levi

Pentagon, Border wall, We must deport them all
Bed-wetters, genocide, No assisted suicide

Bush’s folly, Torture, Dick Cheney, Blackwater
Hate groups, Castro, John Ensign and his ‘ho

First Dude, Hannity, Mann Coulter and O’Reilly
Scooter Libby, Karl Rove, Sarah Palin’s “Sixpack Joes”

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Kay Bailey, Muslims, K Street is full of bums
Villains, Pearlman, Iraqi Invasion

Health reform hysteria, Sarah Palin mania
Shameless G-Men, War in Afghanistan

Ron Paul, Airport sex, They don’t want no litmus test
Kneel and pray, Always “nay”, Can’t get married if you’re gay

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it

Birth control, Lives of sin, They like folks that have white skin
Buckshot, Dow stock, Loud mouthed chicken-hawks
Takin’ Bacon, Palestine, Palin is no friend of mine
Now they have nukes in Iran, Couldn’t stop the Taliban

Makin’ fortunes, Soldiers die, Did we mention Glenn Beck cried?
Foreign debts, Homeless vets, Exposed by three jets
We voted them out the door, Now they’re just a mouse that roars
Spider holes and unjust wars, I can’t take them anymore.

These are G.O.P. liars
Shy away from learning
Keep our stomachs turning
Burning their cross of fire
We watched them light it
And they can’t deny it
(repeat chorus to fade)

Palin Is Bailin’ On Failin’ O’Donnell

It has been less than two months since Sarah Palin endorsed Teapublican Christine O’Donnell for Joe Biden’s former Delaware Senate seat. On September 8th, the “Queen of Quit” retweeted a tweet from conservative radio host Tammy Bruce to her over 200,000 alleged followers. The tweet said, “@ChristineOD is great, her election must [be] a major focus for us all.” Palin then officially broke the news by calling her Fox News “BFF” Sean Hannity. Hannity then quickly sent out a Twiiter tweet which said, “Thanks @SarahPalinUSA for the last minute call in. Endorsement of Christine O’Donnell was an exclusive. Said she hadn’t told Christine yet.” Immediately thereafter, O’Donnell tweeted, “Just got Gov. Palin’s endorsement! Thank you for your prayers!” Yikes, what a frightening love triangle comprised of Palin, conservative talk radio and O’Donnell.

But, a funny thing happened on the way to a joint Palin/O’Donnell campaign appearance. O’Donnell was exposed as an unqualified fool. The whole nation became aware of her “dabbling in witchcraft”, “satanic alter” picnics, masturbation ban, evolution denying, tax evasion, college degree mystery, campaign donation games and finally, her complete misunderstanding of the United States Constitution. Nevertheless, Sarah Palin is a stalwart, loyal and dedicated supporter of her “Mama Grizzlies”. So, what did she do to rehabilitate O’Donnell’s image? Nothing. She quietly faded from the scene and thus far has avoided any attempted joint public appearance.

Our advice to Christine O’Donnell? Don’t hold your breath. There are only 3 days left before the election and Sarah Palin has hitched her caboose to the “Tea Party Express Traveling Kool-Aid Show and Freak Emporium”, which will purposely steer well clear of the Blue Hen State. Palin has made it absolutely clear that O’Donnell is persona non grata (btw, for you G.O.P. readers, persona non grata means “an unwelcome person”).

This is not surprising. Sarah Palin changes her allegiances as often as she changes her Naughty Monkey heels. When is the last time you heard her mention Meg Stapleton, Ivy Frye, Kris Perry, Kristan Cole or even Carly Fiorina and Meg Whitman for that matter? Palin is fickle and loves front-runners and unfortunately for O’Donnell, the flavor of the day is Joe “computer tampering” Miller and Sharron “2nd Amendment remedies” Angle. Don’t believe it, Christine? Then try contacting Sarah by telephone and see if she will “get back to ya on that”!

Face it, Christine. You are on your own till Tuesday when you become a footnote in history. Here is a little advice until then. You might consider resisting the urge to don your lady-bug costume, get blasted and go on a manhunt this pre-election Halloween. You already carry enough baggage.

A Halloween to remember.

In honor of the troops, please click on the song link below to familiarize yourselves with the tune and to have more fun singing along to this Halloween inspired parody.

Witchy Woman song link:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1d8hZtvRPno

WITCHY WOMAN (O’DONNELL VERSION)

(sung to the Eagles song “Witchy Woman”)

Crazy stare on Bill Maher’s clips
She is one of Palin’s dips
O’Donnell is our delight
She’s a crazy Tea-Bagger that’s not too bright
Wooo Hooo witchy woman,
She is full of lies
Wooo Hooo witchy woman,
She’s got pagan witchcraft ties

I watched Bill Maher the other night
O’Donnell was so uptight
She said Charles Darwin was out of tune,
And his evolution theory was so untrue
Wooo Hooo witchy woman,
She is full of lies
Wooo Hooo witchy woman,
She’s got pagan witchcraft ties

(masturbation break with oohs and ahhhs)

She can’t seem to keep a lover,
Let me tell ya brother, she’s been sleeping in the Devil’s bed.
And there’s some rumors going round,
Polls are headed down
November will be the right time
To strike this witch dead

Wooo Hooo witchy woman,
She is full of lies
Wooo Hooo witchy woman,
She’s got pagan witchcraft ties

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